Review For " The Annals Of Kemet Nui ", Please Post Comments & Talkback Here Options

[Tarth]

Nine- I hope Anpu and the loony av-matoran will be okay!!!! This was a pretty good chapter, and yay for Serqet-Jaga (not for him attacking the matoran, he just looks so cool!)! Bast is a little out there isn't she? Keep it up!!!

Ten- Interesting. First, Sutekh finds a wand with his name on it and now Auset finds a temple that has tablets and artifacts with her name on it as did Nebt-het. Will any other matoran find these. Maybe interesting was an understatement.

Sorry for not reviewing in a while, you're still doing a great job, Ausar.

Any particular reason for your tendency toward Egyptian names?

[Toa_Ausar]

Ferhago the Zealot ~ Glad you're back, but I'll point out that the names are Kemetic actually and therefore of cultural importance to me. My family and I are several of the less than 1,000 people in the world that can fluently speak Kemet and easily read Hieroglyphics.

Thanks again to everyone else for each and every one of the reviews.

I very much look forward to more of your future thoughts and constructive criticisms.

~ Åusår


Epic Story Topic
Epic MOC Topic

[biogio]

Toa_Ausar:

About the names and your ability to read Heiroglyphics: are the names for your characters words or names in Kemet? And do you read demotic (simplified Heiroglyphics) or just Heiroglyphics?

Bio BioGio Gio

[Toa_Ausar]

biogio ~ Actually, nearly all names, even those in Kemet, are merely words with defined meaning. For example, the English name "Stephen" is Latin for "Crowned One", meanwhile, the Kemetic name "Åusår" similarly means "He Who Takes His Seat". In other words, translated into modern English, both "Stephen" and "Åusår" would basically be "He Who Leads". Oh, and I don't have much trouble translating either Hieretic or Demotic, although I would classify them both more as a cursive shorthand forms of writing as opposed to simplified Hieroglyphics.

Thanks again to everyone else for each and every one of the reviews.

I very much look forward to more of your future thoughts and constructive criticisms.

~ Åusår


Epic Story Topic
Epic MOC Topic

[Zee Toa of sonic...]

This most recent of chapter's is quite interesting, I find many question's with the seeming intelligence of the machine.



-zee

[Kohila Piraka]

Ahhaha! I LOVE the new Chapter! It brings to mind if there are other machines as such to be found by the Benben carriers. I guess a lot of us were wrong about the Benben being Toa Stones... (or were we?) Anyways, one thing I had a question about was was when Heru said, "What do you think I am, Onu-Matoran?" Now I don't know if he thought it was an Onu-Matoran talking to him (I doubt it becaused he recognized it as a machine before this) or if he was meant to say, "What do you think I am, an Onu-Matoran?" Anyways, GREAT new Chapter and, as always, will be anticipating more!

-Kohilå

Yay! New chapter! With a Flashback!

Does Sekhet like repeating herself? And was she still the Captain of the Av-Matoran Guard back then? So many questions...

Was the Sisterhood named after a being?

[Ballom Toa of Da...]

First of all, before I review the latest chapter, I would like to discuss some things with you. No, I do am not sure if I can even build the vehicle for Heru, so I'll probably leave that for you to MOC. However, since the giant horned Rahi seems to be a Punt Nui native, I will try to make a MOC of that once I have the summer sets. Granted, it won't be nearly as spectacular as Roa's Giant Rahi, but at least it will be able to stand its own with the Tyrannarahk and Collosorahk.

Now, as to the flashback, that was very interesting. I'm not sure what Bast and Co. are doing on Punt Nui, and I really want to know what the larva creature is. I don't plan on making it a Punt Nui Rahi, at any rate. Still, it's good to see how things were back when the Sah were Toa and Aso actually seemed to be an ally of Akito. (Kinda hard to believe from the current Terra Nui chapter, but still . . .)

Overall, keep up the good work. I'm sure that you will like my chapter as much as I like this one.

~B~

This post has been edited by ~Ballom~: Aug 20 2008, 09:41 PM

[Toa_Ausar]

~Ballom~ ~ That's cool, I planned to build the Xcavador T7 anyway and I look forward to seeing your MOC of my gigantic horned Rahi at some point in the future. (Plus I'm interested in the name you'll give it.) Oh, and you don't have to add the larva Rahi species to your MOC Topic since I've already finalized the creation myself and I'll discuss that as well as our timeline further with you via PM either tonight or tomorrow so as not to spoil anything for our fanbase. Lastly, I assume you mean Akito was allied with Aso, not himself.

Thanks again to everyone else for each and every one of the reviews.

I very much look forward to more of your future thoughts and constructive criticisms.

~ Åusår


Epic Story Topic
Epic MOC Topic

Hmm, interesting chapter. At the last part, the first time I read it, I thought that Bast was a makuta in disguise. Then I remembered how emtyheaded she can be at times . Anyways, I love how you keep introducing all these thing. Its almost as if the stones and prisms and wands and all the objects are characters within themselves. I look forward to seeing what happens next.

So sorry that you've had to wait so long for my review.

I greatly enjoyed Chapter 12. Humor is something that I've often found lacking in serious stories and it was nice to see it integrated well here. The flashback was well written and I hope to see more in the future.

Over all this was an excellent chapter. Hopefully next time I'll review sooner.

[Toa_Ausar]

~ShadowBolt~ ~ Even if Bast had full knowledge of the mission she would have most certainly let it slip her mind by the time she reached the docks to leave Kemet Nui.

Tohunga Tahnok ~ Glad you like Kheperå's name and the chapter as a whole.

Zahaku Toa of Rahi ~ The color I used is #000080 and thanks for the contribution.

Tarth ~ You're assuming the Xcavador T7 would have let him go. Next, no the larva is not a Serqet-Jaga, but I'm not divulging what it is at this time, you'll have to wait and find out later. Also, I'm contemplating how to make a larval MOC and will let you know if I decide to do so. Lastly, dark green.

Vorshk: Toa of Energy ~ Well I hope to keep you coming back for more.

biogio ~ You'll have to wait to find out why Kheperå is on Punt Nui and what exactly took such a liking to Sekhet, however I can assure you it's not that they are keeping secrets from one another, rather that they are teasing one another.

Exo-Fat ~ In real life, Bast, particularly when she's talking with Åuset or Sekhet, is seriously the funniest person you'll ever hear.

Everyone ~ IMPORTANT NOTICE: I've decided that I've become burned out with BZPower over the past month, particularly due to a few members. No, I won't name names, but the person that I'm most upset with has never posted in this topic so nobody here needs to assume that this is their fault or freak out or anything. Anyway, I think I'm going to take a rather long break from it all and clear my head. Don't worry, I'll be back from this sabbatical when you all least expect it, and with a vengeance I assure you. Lastly, when I do return I will not be sending out reminders to anyone anymore other than the members who post in this topic after August 1st, 2008. Thank you all or understanding and see you in the future.

Thanks again to everyone else for each and every one of the reviews.

I very much look forward to more of your future thoughts and constructive criticisms.

~ Åusår


Epic Story Topic
Epic MOC Topic

This post has been edited by Toa_Ausar: Aug 31 2008, 12:40 PM

Great new chapter, Ausar. You're really going in-depth with these characters, and I must say, Auset seems (now) like the main hero, all of a sudden. Don't know why, though...

Although, you may want to speed up a bit on the Matoran/Toa process. I had to reread a couple of chapters to remember where Auset was.



Keep it up!

[Toa_Ausar]

ChocoLvr13 ~ I'll proceed at my own pace thank you very much, however you'll be pleased to know that your request shall be granted prior to the twentieth chapter. Oh, and thanks for reviewing so quickly without a reminder.

Everyone Else ~ IMPORTANT NOTICE: Please read Post #388, and no it's not ((Primus)) as some of you have guessed via PM, but let me publically say that I do appreciate the fact that fellow BZPower members Ferrius & Orion Tria had my back.

Thanks again to everyone else for each and every one of the reviews.

I very much look forward to more of your future thoughts and constructive criticisms.

~ Åusår


Epic Story Topic
Epic MOC Topic

Post # 338- Understandable. Completely. I'd do the same. But no one really knows me.

Previous post- Not trying to make you go faster, you might have another flashback planned.

And you're welcome. I was going to edit some of Brutality, but decided to watch a movie. So lazy...

Awww, what a sad chapter. Poor Auset... well, she'll find out Ausar is still alive soon, luckily, I wager. I absolutely love the timeline, as it is quite helpful to me for my own personal background as well, because I have always had a hard time finding what time period I am in.

Great job, and as always I can't wait to hear more from you.

Another great chapter, Ausar!

This one got more into the relationship 'tween Auset and Ausar. But, for some odd reason, I can't explain why I liked the chapter...


-Em
-----Tales of Xioc Nui I---MOC's-----

[Kopaka_Reincarna...]

Oh no, that might include me. >_>;

I haven't been posting here lately...well, because I just don't feel like posting...

But I have been keeping up with the story and MOC Topic.

Must say, I like where this is going, it's very realistic I feel, especially with the psychology and characteristics of the Matoran.

Oh, love the timeline, adding different events to the real timeline as well. Looks like we can expect more Epics and MOCs! =D

EDIT: And Voraka is misspelled in some later parts of the Timeline. (Or is Vorak misspelled? o.O)

[-The Alchemyst-]

This post has been edited by The Alchemyst: Aug 30 2008, 10:30 PM

[Dorek]

Aw, a break? Just as I'm starting school ;_;. Now I'll be bored when I'm supposed to be doing my homework >>.

At least we know Ausar is alive. What do they call it? Dramatic irony, that's it. Good chapter, nice continuation of the plot. I like the many interwoven stories, but occaisionally a continuation of a past story might not be such a bad idea.

Nice timeline too, helps put things in perspective.

[Zahaku Toa of Ra...]

Nice chapter but for some reason, i dont know why.
Anyway hope you come back soon

[Toa Lhikan]

Nice chapter, I still have no idea about this race thing though.

[Toa_Ausar]

ChocoLvr13 ~ Don't worry, the Epic will continue to gain speed as we move ahead. In the next half dozen or so chapters I plan to wrap up the Punt Nui flashback, merge several subplots, create at least one maybe two new subplots, salvage/transform lives, return to the Amaja Circle, and there's possibly/probably going to be more than that in there as well.

-Akura- ~ I'm glad you like the timeline and you'll be pleased to hear that I plan to continue to expand it to include events from the various other Epics which are related to mine, just as soon as the author's of said Epics submit outlines of what they'd like me to add.

Em-Oh-Cee-Ehr ~ That it did, and in case you missed it, I revealed the Subtitle of Part II of this Epic in the timeline, which further supports your assertion.

The Alchemyst ~ Trust me, it's not you, you're great. Now, without saying any more I'll point out that the offending member's username is in Greek. Oh, and from my understanding "Voraka" is the Toa Mangai of Magnetism, meanwhile the "Vorak" are a future team of Toa on Ouir Nui, but I can't say if they're related or anything because those characters are fellow BZPower Member Kohila's creation.

Dorek ~ Fear not, there will be more continuation as the subplots merge and it'll be good for you to get that homework done first.

Zahaku Toa of Rahi ~ I think the reason everyone seems to like this chapter so much is that it helps the reader to connect with the characters on a more emotional level.

Vorshk: Toa of Energy ~ The Kikanalo Race was basically a prank planned by the Hu-Matoran Sutekh and executed by the Kur-Matoran Låcri and his merry band of bullies to intimidate the general populace of Tai-Koro in an attempt by these hoodlums to exert control over the Matoran during Turaga Sah Atemu's absence from the island.

Everyone Else ~ IMPORTANT NOTICE: Please read Post #388.

Thanks again to everyone else for each and every one of the reviews.

I very much look forward to more of your future thoughts and constructive criticisms.

~ Åusår


Epic Story Topic
Epic MOC Topic

Wow, nice chapter. If only Auset knew tha Ausar was alive.

[Toa_Ausar]

Tohunga Tahnok ~ Yes, but as so often happens in life, we must live our lives and make many important decisions based upon partial information at best.

Everyone Else ~ IMPORTANT NOTICE: Please read Post #388.

Thanks again to everyone else for each and every one of the reviews.

I very much look forward to more of your future thoughts and constructive criticisms.

~ Åusår


Epic Story Topic
Epic MOC Topic

[Zee Toa of sonic...]

Just keep rolling out these chapter's, the mystery seem's like it's going to eatme alve as each solved mystery replace's itself with one more, creating a web of question's. I believe the benben are a suresin my assumption's on what each of the toa Neteru are.




-zee

[Kohila Piraka]

Wow... The most emotional Chapter to date...
It seems that Auset has a lot of feeling to Ausar.
Let's see... I like how you make it that now the Kemetoran will think that Ausar's dead...

Anyway, LOVE the Chapter and can't wait for more!

-Kohilå

Nice chapter Ausar, but a little confusing, but I think I understand it... Auset found a Matoran that was with Ausar and she's somehow reading the Matoran's mind? Correct?

Oh, your use of the Acronym tags is pretty intelligent.

~SB~

[Toa_Ausar]

Zee Toa of sonics ~ I like mystery, could you tell?

Kohila ~ I'm glad that there seems to be an emotional connection forming between my fanbase and the various characters. Everything is proceeding as I have forseen.

~ShadowBolt~ ~ Indeed, Renpit was one of the other Matoran kidnapped by Låcri's Gang and forced to participate in the Kikanalo Derby. Furthermore, because of the closeness of their relationship due to joint membership in the Sisterhood of Het-hert, both Åuset & Renpit are able to telepathically communicate with one another.

Everyone Else ~ IMPORTANT NOTICE: Please read Post #388.

Thanks again to everyone else for each and every one of the reviews.

I very much look forward to more of your future thoughts and constructive criticisms.

~ Åusår


Epic Story Topic
Epic MOC Topic

*clapping is heard, followed by many, "bravos", and, "Magnificents!!"* ...Ok, ok, enough. *all the noise stops* lol Anyway, I read Ch. 13, and that up there is my reaction. Once again, the very fluidic Toa Ausar has shown that he can, without a second thought, make a story such as this even more exciting, bold, and maybe a little terrifying. (the last part won't have to count if you don't intend for your story to be scary) Ch. 13 was indeed very entertaining; I thought that the part when Renpit showed Auset what happened to Ausar was nothing short of... hold on a sec. *looks through a small writing pad called, "fancy words" for another word to put in* I think the word is spectacular, but I wanted to say something different... oh well, anyways, I thought the chapter was great, keep up the astounding work, and I will edit this with what I thought of Post #338... or whatever it was. lol

[biogio]

"It can't be my dear friend Åusar, it just can't be,"

You spelled your name wrong! Don't worry, just add the little circle.

Well. This chapter was powerful. I liked the way Matoran gathered around them, probably in some cases without knowing either of them. Wow.

And the Matoran giving almost a status report, yet they remained unnamed. Deep. I myself love the "stranger" thing and what it adds to a story. I once wrote a story without giving one name. So, you have a good chapter here.

And ... does Åuset have ... feelings toward Åusår? Characters are building, I like it.

Together they sat on the cold-hard stone of the main courtyard of the Great Philæ Temple and wept,[...]

Wouldn't "cold, hard" work. Anyway, that sentence was so sad. If I hadn't known Åusår was alive, I may have wept too. (Here's a little secret, I cried when Iron Knight died in ~Ballom~'s Epic).

Bio BioGio Gio