Life Of Phink, And you though Mask of Light was the end... Options

[Tribot Triad Ent...]

Chapter 13: R U REDY 4 SOME FUTBOL?

TTE: …Futbol? Isn’t that the Spanish word for “soccer?”

LOTB: Yeah. What of it?

TTE: Well, it sounds an awful lot like this isn’t going to be a transitive, non-competition chapter after all!

LOTB: Well thank Mata Nui for that. LOTB hates transitive, non-competition chapters!

TTE: Yeah, I know. But it’s not good to have all action in a comedy. There should be some time set aside to develop the various characters’ personalities and add plot twists and stuff.

LOTB: Ptttth! Plot twists? That’s girly talk! Write this comedy like a MAN, man!

TTE: Calling me effeminate, are you?

LOTB: No, LOTB is calling you a GIRL!

TTE: Well then, LET’S FIGHT ABOUT IT!! *he and LOTB rush at each other and start kicking each other in the shins*

Geno: Ummm... I don’t think the readers want to hear you fighting for ten minutes, guys.

TTE: Okay. …Wait, what readers?

Geno: It’s hard to explain.

TTE: Oh, all right.

LOTB: Yeah. *TTE kicks him in the shin* OW! Hey! *kicks TTE back*

TTE: YOY!! *he and LOTB go back to fighting*

Luigi: *runs up* FIGHT!! FIGHT!! FIGHT!! FIGHT!! *dances around, waving a pair of underpants around on the end of a stick*

Geno: …Oy. *walks off*

*Five hours later*

TTE: *laying on the ground with his feet kicked off by LOTB* Okay, fine. We’ll make this an action chapter too, but only because I can’t think of anything to put into a transitive, non-competition ch…

LOTB: *stares at TTE*

TTE: Umm, I mean… MY INCREDIBLY LARGE BRAIN HAS THOUGHT OF SO MANY DIFFERENT IDEAS FOR TRANSITIVE, NON-COMPETITION CHAPTER PLOTS, IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO SQUEEZE ALL OF THEM INTO A SINGLE CHAPTER!! OR EVEN FIVE HUNDRED CHAPTERS!! THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY OF THEM!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! *grows a huge beard and strokes it pompously*

LOTB: Whatever. *picks up a megaphone* HEY EVERYONE!! GET OVER HERE! THE NEXT CHALLENGE IS STARTING!!

Panrahk: Uuuuuuugh. *walks up scratching his backside* Hey, weren’t we supposed to have a transitive, non-competition chapter first? *looks down at TTE* And why’s this weirdo laying here without any feet?

TTE: It’s kind of hard to explain. You see…

Panrahk: IT WAS THE SHAVING CREAM, WASN’T IT?! OH, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

TTE: Yeah, that’s it. *picks up his feet and teleports back to the Land of People Who Write Strange Comedies*

Panrahk: …… *looks over* Get out of the mud, Jimmy!

Jimmy: Sorry. *runs off*

Geno: *Yells after him* AND STAY OUT!! …So, LOTB, what’s this new challenge?

*Phink and the other Rahkshi walk up*

Tuurahk: Yeah. What challenge could be so important that we have to skip our transitive, non-competition chapter?

LOTB: FANTASY FOOTBALL!!

Tuurahk: …Come again?

Kuurahk: He means we create our own imaginary football teams, and pit them against each other in a fictitious football tournament.

LOTB: What? No! LOTB means a ball game played with balls that look strangely like feet, in a fantasy post-apocalyptic future world where evil flesh-eating monkeys have enslaved mankind!

Kuurahk: …Oh. I knew that. *crawls into a corner and sulks*

Phink: Wait, how are we going to travel into a fantasy world and fight? Yeah, it’s impossi… *looks around and notices that both teams are standing on top of a huge metal skyscraper under a toxic green sky* …Oh, schnitzel.

*in the distance*

Evil flesh-eating monkey: *walks up wearing a huge robotic suit of armor* Get-out-of-the-mud-Robot-Jimmy.

Robot Jimmy: I-am-sorry. *starts to run off*

Evil flesh-eating monkey: Sorry-is-not-good-enough. *eats Robot Jimmy*

LOTB: HA HA HA!! Welcome, fools, to the world of LOTB’s… *waves his hands in the air and sparkles fall from his fingers* …IMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGINAAAAAAAAAAAATION!

Geno: …?

LOTB: *shakes his head* Anyway, let’s get started! OntheteamofgoodnessisPhinkBliffyKaitaPanrahkP-RahkandLehrakBobDoleNuvaandGuurahkwhowasjustevilinthelastchallengebecauseMataNui
otkilledlikethreetimesandontheteamofevilnessisGenoWarioLuigiMallowSamusandCaptai
FalconGO!

Phink: Well, that certainly saved time. Hey, wait! What are the rules?

LOTB: There’s a big pit at the other end of this post-apocalyptic monkey city. You must find as many foot-shaped balls as you can and throw them into the pit. The team who throws the most in wins.

Bliffy Kaita: Again with the finding hidden stuff! First the hidden key on that mountain, now this! Why can’t the balls just be sitting here out in the… *sees a pile of foot-shaped balls lying beside him* …oh. FOUND THEM!! *grabs the balls and flys off with them*

Caption Falcon: Oh no you don’t! C’MON!! *his ship flies up and he jumps into it* BLUUUUUUUUUE FALCOOOOOOOOOON! *flies off after Bliffy Kaita*

Bliffy Kaita: *several hundred feet away* Ha ha, sucker! You’ll never catch me!!

*on the ground*

Evil flesh-eating monkey guard #1: Look-at-that.

Evil flesh-eating monkey guard #2: There-is-a-giant-Bionicle-guy-flying-through-the-sky-carrying-a-pile-of-balls-shaped-like-feet.

Evil flesh-eating monkey guard #1: He-is-not-authorized-to-do-that. Open-fire.

Random Battle Droid: Roger-Roger, Roger. *runs off*

Evil flesh-eating monkey guard #1: My-name-is-not-Roger. That-was-totally-uncalled-for.

*a huge turret bursts through the side of a skyscraper and opens fire on Bliffy Kaita*

Bliffy Kaita: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *falls to the ground and drops the foot-balls everywhere*

Bobdolenuva: *runs up* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I’m supposed to make the sacrifice!

Bliffy Kaita: No… the duty was mine… *hands the Mask of Light to Bobdolenuva* You know… who you are. You were always… different…

Bobdolenuva: *takes the mask* …Wait a second, we’ve done this already! *chucks the Mask of Light away*

Mata Nui: I’m aliiiiiiive! *the Mask of Light embeds itself in his head* Oh, poo.

Bliffy Kaita: Seriously, though, one of my legs fell off. You’ll have to get these balls to the pit without me.

Wario: WA HA HA!! *rides up on his motorcycle, grabs several of the balls, and rides off*

Bobdolenuva: I will do as you ask, Bobdolenuva Bobdolenuva. *picks up one ball* EXCELSIOR!! *summons a little red wagon made of pencils and rides off on it* Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

*with Captain Falcon*

Captain Falcon: Oh no! FALCONNNNNNN… EVASIVE MANEUVERS! *dodges the blasts from the turret with the Blue Falcon* Ha ha, I have 00ber skillz. FALCONNNNN… SKILLLLLLLLLLLLLLZ! *gets hit* Augh! FALCONNNNNN… FALL FROM THE SKYYYYYYYYYY AND CRAAAAAAAAAAAAASH! *crashes into the ground* Why do I have to put “Falcon” at the beginning of every verb I use, anyway? It’s FALCONNNNNNN… ANOYYIIIIIIING!

Link: NOOOOOOOOOO!! I’ll save you Captain! *starts forward*

YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO: Will you be my friend?

Link: Okay. *he and YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO walk off to get pizza*

Geno: Wait a second, we’ve done this already! *grabs Link with a clawshot and pulls him back*

Guurahk: I know! It’s all thanks to my… *dramatic music* COPY STUFF FROM EARLIER IN THE COMEDY AND HAVE CHARACTERS RE-ENACT IT BEFORE REALIZING THAT THEY’VE ALREADY DONE IT AND SAYING “Wait a second, we’ve done this already” GUN!! HA HA HA!! *holds up a tiny little gun with a happy face on it*

Panrahk: SHAVING CREAM?! Oh, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! *shakes his head* Wait a second, we’ve done this already!

Samus: About twenty times, yes.

Mallow: I’m the ruler of a cloud! *waves*

Geno: So, you have a gun with bizarre powers too, eh? Well then, I guess it’s time for you to meet… *pulls out a tiny little gun with a picture of the A Team on it* MY OBSCURE POP-CULTURE REFERENCE GUN!! *shoots at P-rahk with it*

P-rahk: PHOA!! *flips out of the way*

Lehrak: WHOA!! *blinks* Ma-la hee! Ma-la hoo! Ma-la huh! Ma-la ha ha!! *grows a huge belly and starts doing obscene dances*

Guurahk: The Numa Numa dance?! HOW COULD YOU?!

Geno: Easy. I’m on the Team of Evil-ness! …Even though I still hate that name.

Guurahk: This ends here! *fires at Geno*

Geno: I guess so! *dodges, and the blast hits Mallow instead*

Mallow: I’m the ruler of a cloud! *waves* …Wait a second, we’ve done this already!

*Guurahk and Geno both backflip down onto the streets of the post-apocalyptic monkey city, firing at each other in midair*

Geno: HAH! *fires at Guurahk, but misses and hits a building*

Building: I pity the fool who fires obscure pop-culture reference beams at me! *strokes its nonexistent mohawk*

*Geno and Guurahk land on the ground and start leaping back and forth, trading blasts from their guns*

Evil flesh-eating monkey: *gets struck by a blast* I-HAVE-FURY!! Fawful-is-hating-anyone-who-says-he-must-play-Capturing-of-the-Flag… fink-rat! …Wait-a-second-we-have-done-this-already!

*At the pit*

Wario: *riding toward the pit on his motorcycle* WAH HA HA HA!! *dismounts and runs toward the pit with his foot-balls*

P-rahk: *flies at Wario with his Lehrak jet-pack, who is still singing the Numa Numa Dance… song* POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Wario: Wha…?! Eww! *freezes in midair*

P-rahk: Po, pi pas paying “po.” Pit pas pust preally pong pand prawn pout.

Lehrak: No, I was saying “no.” It was just really long and drawn out.

Wario: …Oh. Well, that’s all right then. *un-freezes and hurtles toward the pit again, but P-rahk grabs the foot-balls from his arms and throws them into the pit instead, where they turn yellow*

Lehrak: Ah yellow. The color of good-ness. And Lemon Iceobox Pie. Mmmmmmm, piiiiiiiiiiie… *detaches himself from P-rahk and sits down, drooling*

???: FALCOOOONNNNNNNN… THROW-FOOT-SHAPED-BALLS-INTO-A-PIT!!

*a large number of balls fall into the pit and turn a slightly lighter shade of yellow*

Captain Falcon: *flips out of the Blue Falcon and lands beside the pit* Ahh, light yellow. The color of evil-ness. And that guy. *points at Phink*

Phink: *runs up and tosses a few balls into the pit, then sits down beside it* Whoo-ee! Am I tired! Me too! …But you’re sitting in my stomach. You didn’t have to run at all! Yes I did!! Nuh-uh! Yeah! My spirit was running! …What? …Never mind, I don’t care. *sits down by the pit*

*…….*

Wario: You know, this is kind of a lame challenge. Once you’ve thrown your foot-shaped balls into the pit, there’s nothing to do. *lays down on his back and starts snoring*

Samus: *walks up* Well then, how about I make this more interesting with my… *holds up her arm-cannon* SHAMELESS ADVERTISING RAY!!

Lehrak: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! …Who comes up with these powers, anyway?

Millard Fillmore: Me.

Lehrak: Oh, okay.

Samus: HA!! *shoots Lehrak with her cannon*

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Moderator: Okay, stop right there! No linking to ANY outside sites! Even Bionicle-related ones! You might end up liking them more than BZPower, and never coming back! *sobs into a hankie*

Samus: Aw, shaddap. *blasts the Moderator*

Moderator: HEY! Do you want to feel SOOO ENERGETIC? Try Powerthirst! The energy drink for people who need GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF ENERGY! With all new flavors like SHOCKOLATE!! Chocolate energy! It’s like adding chocolate to an ELECTRICAL STORM! Sound the alarm, you’re gonna feel UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC!! *gets shot in the back with a blast* That ride was also really bumpy, so now it’s mushy and smelly …Wait a second, we’ve done this already!

*Geno and Guurahk flip down the street toward the pit, firing at each other. In their wake, there is a trail of monkeys, enslaved humans, and random inanimate objects, all either saying stuff from previous chapters or making references to obscure elements of pop-culture, both American and Japanese*

Phink: …Uh oh.

Guurahk: HA! *dodges around a blast and skids to a stop at the edge of the pit* Whoaaaaaa, that was close. *gets hit in the face by a blast from Geno, and starts singing Airman Ga Taosenai*

Almighty voice of TTE: Hey, I love this song! *joins in singing with Guurahk*

Geno: Now, time to finish you off, my worthy opponent. *starts toward Guurahk*

Samus: Wait! Try this unusual gun power on for size! *fires at Geno*

Geno: WHAT?! We’re on the same team! *teleports out of the way*

Samus: I know, but it looks like both teams have an equal number of balls in the pit, and I don’t know where any more are, so why not fight for the fun of it while we wait?

Guurahk: *shakes his head as the beam wears off* Yeah!

Almighty voice of TTE: NANKAI YATTEMO NANKAI YATTEMO EA-MAN GA TAOSENAI Y… aw, darn it.

*Geno, Samus, and Guurahk start shooting at each other*

Bobdolenuva: *rides up in his little red wagon with his single foot-ball* Hey guys, Bobdolenuva Bobdolenuva, what’s going on?

*everyone stops and stares at him*

Bobdolenuva: …

Samus: HE HAS A BALL!

Geno: GET HIM!!

Guurahk: YEAH!!

*they all fire at Bobdolenuva*

Guurahk: …Oh, wait. He’s on my side. Ooooops… *slinks off*

Bobdolenuva: Whaaaa?! *gets hit by all three blasts* HEY, Chuck Norris! Do you want to buy this Okay Phink, now we wait for a truck to pass, jump in, tie up the driver, put him in the back with all the dogs, cats, and realtors, throw you into the driver’s seat, have a conniption because you can’t drive and are about to kill us all, grab you, throw you out the window, slam on the brakes, drag you back to the truck, decide that I should drive (because I’m cool), and set off to destroy Ebay and steal their hoard of Bland Stones. Got that? insurance? And can you really slam a revolving door? …WAIT A SECOND!! WE ALREADY DID THIS!!! ZOMGZOMGZOMGZIFYOUCANDODGEAWRENCHYOUCANDODGEABALL!!! *collapses from exhaustion*

*the ball flies from his hand and into the air, towards the pit*

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOO!!! *they all leap at the ball, and yet all somehow manage to miss it*

Ball: Ha ha, losers! *lands in the pit and turns yellow*

LOTB: AAAAAAAAAAND, THE TEAM OF GOODNESS WINS!! *holds up the key*

Phink: Yeah yeah yeah, gimme that. *leaps into the air, grabs the key in his mouth, and swallows it* Now, let’s get out of LOTB’s imagination and do a transitive, non-competition chapter, shall we? *walks away*

Geno: Sounds good to me. *leans toward the camera* And if you feel like guest-starring, or have an idea for a new challenge, please PM TTE. That is all. *looks up at the sky* YOU OWE ME $3.50, FELLA!

Almighty voice of TTE: He he he…

Finis

This post has been edited by Tribot Triad Enterprises: Aug 10 2008, 04:35 PM