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Reminder: Do not post a comedy unless it has more than 300 words.
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 Jun 24 2008, 04:36 PM
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#1
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Group: Posts: 0 Joined: -- Member No.:   |
Comedy Club reviewer Gukko Force Captain here...to review...your comedy.
Something I emphasize that makes the comedy funny is personality development. If someone is sarcastic one second, and pie loving the next, it isn't funny. Eventually you realize that you need one sarcastic character to keep the balance, only that character is the one disrupting it. Also, don't get PGS's until you've developed the characters. Your jokes are great. However, I would really cut down on "PIE!!!!!!" because in many comedies it's become a waste of words. It also gets old. The solution to getting rid of "Pie" is this: a good, able-to-be-modified running gag. For example, Darth Jaller, in his comedy Ask Roodaka and Sidorak, has a joke with endless possibilities and that is always funny: "(Visorak), go (kill yourself in a painful manner)". I suggest finding one. The songs thing is just a bit old, but a band at a hotel is an original idea. Good job on that. Just cut down on the randomness, take my advice, and this'll rock. <~/GFC\~> (Not -Cyclone; ace reviewer) This post has been edited by -Cyclone-: Jul 22 2008, 01:29 PM |
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 Jul 14 2008, 07:01 AM
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#2
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Uhhh...that's great. But I think that it's a bit funny to me since I'm sad when I'm off BZP (don't ask who I'm sad about). 3/3
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Jul 21 2008, 11:35 AM
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#3
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 Seeker  Group: New Members Posts: 225 Joined: 29-December 06 Member No.: 50017 
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Hey, VM. Sorry I was gone but this comedy is getting good! Anyway...(ow!)...you can still co-author my comedy...ow...
-------------------- All journey's must come to an end, but this time, there is a new beginning as well. There will be challenges to face and enemies to fight, but I know you will overcome. All that has gone before, my friends, has only served to give birth to this new day. Let unity, duty and destiny be your guides. Be well, be strong, care for this world and for each other. Farewell. ~ Mata Nui
 -------------------------- Credit to Nuvaro for the banner on the right.  LEGO ended BIONICLE, LEGO ended my childhood. 3:< |
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Jul 21 2008, 10:38 PM
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#4
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 Tohunga Group: New Members Posts: 58 Joined: 11-February 07 Member No.: 52422
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-Cyclone-, thanks for reviewing my comedy, and I'll consider your suggestions when writing the next chapter. Speaking of the next chapter... it's going to be a Sweet Sixteen party for Amayagirl at IPH!!!! I'm still working on the chapter, so if you have any great ideas for jokes, then you can PM me.
And Mackugirl... I'll work on the next chapter of your comedy. -Vakama Montana 
-------------------- Credit to Fantasia for this awesome Hero Factory 3.0 av! Vakama Montana's Comedy Library <<<VISIT NOW!!! BZP Member Vakama Montana, a.k.a. Lego Club/MLN Member Vakama4688. |
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 Jul 22 2008, 10:33 AM
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#5
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Group: Posts: 0 Joined: -- Member No.: |
QUOTE And Mackugirl... I'll work on the next chapter of your comedy. I guess that'll cheer her up while she happened to be sick... 
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