Phovos's (stolen) Diaries, All 100% stolen from various people... Options

Thanks for that, Shadowlion.

-Phovos

Another awesome comedy.you have a talent for this sort of thing.

anyway,i found hahli's diary no.2 which contains tons of barbaric stuff.You can read mine.but beware:tons of blood.And i killed another toa.stupid fellas.

Sigh. Another bloody chapter. The thing is, most of these diaries are REALLY dull. Sure, you find the odd funny bit, but most of them are dull. Apart from Gali's diary. But I can't share a lot of the stuff in her diary. I'd be banned for all of eternity if I put some of the stuff in her diary in here. Seriously. Read this, and you can see what I mean.

&^%*$%$&%&^%^£$£^&^$%^$%$%^$%&$%$&^^*&&(*^%^$%£$£$"$"$£$^**(&^&*&^*&*&

That was really easy to type out, but I vomited whilst reading that. I actually have no idea what that meant. My little Raptor brain doesn't understand most of these nasty words.


Most people think that I'm a horrible monster. Well, they are right, but I do have a soft spot for things like this, which I found in Takanuva's diary.

I went to the shops yesterday, and guess who I met whilst waiting at the checkout!?! I met Teridax. Apparently, all he wanted to do was do some shopping with Vamprah and some of his friends, and he ended up getting stranded on Mata Nui and getting blown up by us Toa. Then Teridax started crying and I went and bought him some icecream. He seemed to cheer up after that, and we agreed to merge together so that we could free Mata Nui! Teridax is a really nice bloke.

Isn't that sweet? Teridax, someone who wants to conqueor the universe getting all upset and Takanuva buying him an icecream!

Talking about conqueoring, I found this in Ehlek's diary, which seems to electircute me everytime I touch it. So I got Lehvak to hold it for me instead.

I lost again! Kalmah always beats me with his army. I really have to destroy his cavalry. My Dark Elves Army is no match for his High Elves. Maybe I should ask Takadox for some tips. He's the best when it comes to Warhamer!

I bet my army of Lizardmen could beat your armies anyday, Kalmah! maybe I should call Ehlek and see if he wants to team up with me. Oh. He can't. Because I killed him. Doh.


The problem with most of these diaries is the fact that the're full of rubbish. This was in Tahu's diary:

Huh? What was that all about?


Recently, I managed to steal Piruk's diary. Actually, I found it in Thok's handbag, but never mind.

Stupid Piraka, coming along and enslaving us all! We have to fight back! In the morning,I'm going to get some tar and some feathers and throw them all over Thok! Then I'll get some water balloons and through them at Hakaan! Then I'll.... I'll have to see.

I can just imagine seeing Thok covered in tar and feathers. Just as long as they aren't Raptor feathers.

Darn it! I missed! I tar and feathered Vezok instead of Thok!

Nevermind.



Anyway, I was just re-reading Shadowlion's review when I saw an unread diary resting on Lehvak's head. Oh, Lehvak, you can let go of Ehlek's diary now.

This diary seems to belong to.. Hang on.... Brutaka?

Let's have a read:

Stupid Axonn. He always goes and spoils everything. I only wanted to use the mask for three seconds, but he wouldn't let me. It would only take three seconds to change the Piraka back to normal. I hate Axonn. And why is he such a 'good' boy? He left me to die fighting those Raptors while he was at a hospital doing nothing! And he took the credit! Stupid Axonn.

Ok...

I'm off to some island in the middle of nowhere to save a Makuta. Save a Makuta? The OOMN is insane. hat happened to all the Toa. Wasn't it their job to do this stuff for us? Guess not.

I swear, if I have to spend anymore time with these beings, I am going to turn them into Zyglak, Raptor and Energy Hound food.

We came all this way for a bloody Makuta, just to be betrayed by my whole team!

Well, I can see why he is stressed out.

Hey, Lehvak! Where are you going? Who is that outside?


I'll be back in a month...

Who is that outside?

Me.
Really,who is it?

That isn't very nice!

So?
If there was someone trying beat me up,I'd go Ninja on them.

supermarket?hope they dont get pesticide....


300th post

This post has been edited by Takhan Avohkii: Jul 22 2008, 05:45 AM

brilliant comedy diarys could you do one for avak?

I have to say, I wander why I have never actually read Avak's diary. It has been sitting there for several months now. It actually has an inch of dust in it... Well, at least I have read it now... Sort of... These are all from said diary.

I hate Vezok. He was mean to me today.

I hate Hakaan. He was mean to me today.

I hate Zaktan. He was mean to me today.

I hate Thok. He was mean to me today.

I hate Reidak. He was mean to me today.

And that is basically all that is written in Avak's dairy.

I hate Vezon and his little LK friend. They were mean to me today.

I missed that one..... HANG ON! LK? Isn't that Lehvak Kal's nickname? Let me just check in Lehvak Kal's diary....

I woke up on this strange island, and there was a Skakdi standing over me, which may or may not have been a clone of another Skakdi and had a strange mask on the back of it's head. The Skakdi was rather amusing, and sometimes spoke to himself, but he did a good job fixing my broken body. The only problem is that he attached my leg on the wrong way round.

OMG. Holy Mata Nui. Lehvak Kal knows the most popular Skakdi ever? Don't ask me to ask Lehvak if he has any autographs...

Moving on, this was taken from Nokama's diary. It isn't that funny, but I'm putting it here because it took me three hours to crack the codes on her diary.

I really hate Vakama sometimes, the stupid emo. But I do know that he likes chocolate. So I went to the shops, bought some, and made some of my special recipe chocolate. I even wrapped it up and put a card in it, and sent it to his house. The next day, I heard an explosion. Apparently, there were bits of Vakama's pet Gukko Bird everywhere. Maybe next time, I'll put in less plastic explosive...

Funnily enough, it's the Turaga who have the strangest diaries. Maybe it's because they are so darn old. This is from Matau's diary.

I hate being a Toa. Noone asked me to be a Toa. No one said "Hey! Take this stone and be a Toa!". No one said that "If you put this rock in here, you will become a Toa". To be honest, most of us Matoran are stupid, so anyone would fall for that 'turning into a Toa' joke. All you need to do, Toa Lhikan, is ask. It ain't THAT hard, even when you are being attacked by your mutated brother, who will probably turn into one of those Toa Eaters when he dies.

Er.... Don't look at me, guys!


One thing that scares me is that Rahkshi have diaries. Really. Read this, from Tuurahk's diary...

Da Toa ar scari! Dey scare me! Wy did Dadi 'Kuta mak us fite da Toa? He iz stron! He shoud do it! Yea! Dadi 'Kuta shoud do it!

...Or maybe they just copy each other, as I read the same thing in every Rahkshi diary I have.


At least I am not poor old Jaller, who had another food crisis.

I beg of you, Hewkii. DO NOT make cookies using flour that is ten thousand years old! I have been sick for seven months now!

But Hewkii seems to be good at cooking! Even Hahli Mahri, who is hard to please, agrees!

That meal Hewkii cooked for us was great, even though it was a bit soggy...

So did Matoro...

I never knew that you could have icecream underwater, but Hewkii pulled it off!

Even Nuparu, who lost his sense of taste when he burnt his tongue off while soldering some metal, likes Hewkii's food...

Even without a tongue, this pizza tastes great!

I wonder if Hewkii will ever open a restruarant...

Maybe I should open a restruarant... I just recieved a letter from Axonn asking me for the recipe for my Pahrakian curry...

Please do!


But this entry, in Gahlok Kal's diary, really annoys me!

I have to say, those round, doughy things with chocolate chips in that Phovos cooked were nice. I wonder what they were...

They were cookies, you moron.


Anyway, I have to go now, as I can hear Nuhvok Kal coming and I need to pack up all these diaries (although at the speed he walks, it might be a while) so I leave with this entry, kindly taken from the diary of Brutaka. (hopefully, I won't get beaten up this time...)

I must remember to ask Axonn where he got that axe from. It must be really useful for cutting up Skakdi for my bbq.

Muahaha...

I must remember to ask Axonn where he got that axe from. It must be really useful for cutting up Skakdi for my bbq.

XD

Da Toa ar scari! Dey scare me! Wy did Dadi 'Kuta mak us fite da Toa? He iz stron! He shoud do it! Yea! Dadi 'Kuta shoud do it!

XD XD

Even Nuparu, who lost his sense of taste when he burnt his tongue off while soldering some metal, likes Hewkii's food...

Ouch, I have to write a 'Get well soon letter.'

~D~

You're SICK!! Now your story just made me LOL! Hope you make more stories like this.