Review: Glitch In The System Options

[Lady Kopaka]

Glitch in the System is still under construction. But you can still review the story here, and I'm trying my best to get it all up again.

::Link to Epic::

This post has been edited by Lady Kopaka: Sep 5 2009, 02:50 PM

[Lady Kopaka]

You have a talent for writing the most un-campy stories ever.
It's amazing. Can I eat your brain so I may gain this power too?

No you cannot eat my brains. I’ll let you borrow it sometime though, but there isn’t much in there. D;

I especially loved the two character's way of playing off each other. You gave them great chemistry, which is one of the big things this epic has going for it. It might be cliché, but it's still awesome. I look foreward to how you portray the amnesia part as something original to the story, because frankly, someone needs to take a new spin on it, and I assume you'd do a better job than most. I also love goggle-guy's attitude, but when he introduces himself it seems a bit rushed. I dunno if a mercenary or the like would be so quick to jump to formalities and names. Even if he is 'flamboyant.'
I think the best part of all though, was that you made them human. Well, human-ish. The way bust-lady fell unconscious was extremely realistic, instead of the main characters always grunting and them acting like they never got hurt. I almost clapped out loud, but you weren't there to almost hear me.

Yeah I’m a bit worried how cliché this story will be, but I’m seriously trying my best to make sure it doesn’t be like that. The amesia part is a challenge, but I think I have an idea how to spin it around so it’s a tiny bit original.
I also kind of agree, about Komas rushing to introduce himself. But I wanted to keep the story up beat and not get too slowed down on conversation yet. And another thing… about the heroes never getting hurt drives me crazy! So don’t be surprised if these characters get knocked around a lot before the story is over. :3 Thanks for the review!

...

*hugs*

It was worth the wait, LK. I can honestly not wait to read the next chapters.

I also love how you build up to a small battle with only one chapter. Believe me, I could never do that. It usually takes me 3-4 to explain it all.

Bravo. I'll anticipate the rest soon. -Swert

Oh man doing the action is so hard, but I’m glad it came out decently acceptable, hopefully the whole story will be just as good. Thanks swert! ^^;

Wow, Just amazing. Its like your painting (or drawing ) a picture of every scene in the readers head. 9/10 because both parts looked a little smushed. But other than that it was a great story.

Thanks a bunch, I tried to be very descriptive in my writing. Also pardon me, but what parts? My format writing looked smushed?

Once again I love reading your work and I shall always do so. It's been an honour helping you write out ideas to write up into excellent stories such as these. I cannot wait to see what is in store for them next.

Rapi-Toa of Elements

Yeah seriously thanks so much for all the suggestions and keeping my brain on the right track. Speaking of which you need to get on MSN sometime cause I have some ideas I need clearing up on. xD

.... Does Komas wear those goggles for a special reason, or for fun? KUTGW!

At the moment, Komas wears them cause he think he looks awesome with them on.

One chapter and I'm hooked. Wow, I'm glad I clicked.
This has great potential, and to make sure it comes along, I'll be following it closely.
Tachi has amnesia? Oh dear. Like Sirius Black up there, I do hope you put a spin on it and make it interesting.
Komas was an instant favorite for characters, in my book. i always liked the flamboyant, gentlemanly types of people.
And I picture Komas with a cloak and a top hat. Isn't that odd.

Thanks for the review, and like I told UK I’m going to try my best hand at pulling some original ideas up for the amnesia. And I love Komas, he is extremely fun to write about. Sadly I think I will pass on the cloak and top hat, but I can imagine it too.

Oh, but at one point...

“I knew sooner or later that someone would come for me.” The Makuta spoke out bitterly, and turned to face the Toa. His black and golden rusted face stared at them. ..... “Makuta that get there claws in too deep will get much worse than what most peaceful beings could offer as punishment.”

Wouldn't that be a their?
Besides that, no grammar mistakes found.

I believe you are correct, thanks for pointing that out.

Thank you everyone for the reviews and critique, Chapter 2 will be put up sometime today.