Ohehlo, Review Options

[Ohehlo]

For anyone who wants to comment on the Ohehlo stories.

[Avohkahs' Sparks]

You need to post a link to the review topic in you story for every chapter. But anyways, I really like it.

[Ohehlo]

Thank you, I will do that.

This post has been edited by Ohehlo: Sep 1 2009, 03:24 PM

[Dresden Krom - W...]

I don't understand why nobody's replied. It's a very good story and is well-written, though there are parts that could be better. Try to fix some of the spelling/grammar errors as they may be distracting. I was never interested in Bara Magna but now reading this it has inspired me to go back and read some of the 2009 stuff.

The story is very intriguing and the various planets and life you introduce throughout the chapters seem like very good ideas and it would be nice to see more than just descriptions.

The T.O.A. are an interesting concept and as I'm reading Frankenstein in school, it is interesting to see the parallels.

I'll be following this story!

-Lewa Krom

[Ohehlo]

Thank you, only just noticed someone had actually replied. Yeah my grammar and spelling are not always my best points, I will try to work on that. I actually have at least two more aliens planned, both with natural elemental powers. I also will be adding a chapter tomorrow, if all goes as planned.

This post has been edited by Ohehlo: Jan 24 2010, 05:22 PM

[GLaDOS]

I have recently finished reading them all, and I think I prefer part 2 to part 1, but they're both good.
As Lewa Krom said, some of the grammatical errors can distract one from the story, which is a shame because it's a great one.
The colourful/different sized speech is a little bizarre, but I suppose that's alright because it was only in one chapter.
Maybe more dialogue would make people feel more integrated in the story.
Other than that, it's a great epic!

[Ohehlo]

I have recently finished reading them all, and I think I prefer part 2 to part 1, but they're both good.
As Lewa Krom said, some of the grammatical errors can distract one from the story, which is a shame because it's a great one.
The colourful/different sized speech is a little bizarre, but I suppose that's alright because it was only in one chapter.
Maybe more dialogue would make people feel more integrated in the story.
Other than that, it's a great epic!

Yeah, this is indeed a work in progress. I actually have been writing since 2007, just not here. This actually is a vast inprovement on my original work, it involved wolf like Matoran who lived on stars. Needless to say I didn't know Matoran were manufactured beings who live inside a giant robot. Since then my stories have improved, though as you said, they have kinks to work out. Looking back, I have to agree that I should have used dialogue more.

Currently I am writing an Epic whose working title is the Kingdom two, as it takes place after Takanuva visited the Kingdom. It will tell the adventures of some beings copied from the Expanded Multivere, along with stories about Tarduk, Cortesius, and Atakus. If you want a basic plot, please tell me. Thank you from replying, and nice work on the New Age book one and book two.