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Getting In Touch With Your Inner Bionicle - Part 2

Turakii #1 Lavasurfer


For some, being a Toa of Air feels too carefree. Some consider those who tried the previous instructions to be airheaded and flighty, and others say the instructions were obviously written by some green newbie to the arts. These people prefer to keep their feet on the rock, and when it comes to life-changing experiences, they want something weighty and dependable they can firmly grasp in both hands.


Getting in Touch with Your Inner Bionicle


Part 2


Stone Toa


Begin this exercise by breathing regularly. Ignore all other distractions and focus on moving air in and out of your lungs. Check your pulse and make sure your heart is still beating before proceeding. Having no heartbeat could possibly cast a bad effect on the outcome of the following procedure.


Find yourself a large, smooth, round boulder, preferably twice as large as yourself and polished to gleaming. These are becoming more rare nowadays, but rest assured, you can still find them in large abundance at this handy site for only a few widgets.


Once the boulder has arrived, climb on top of it and allow it to begin rolling. Sitting in one place on a rolling boulder is a truly useful and exceptional skill, and a necessity for anyone striving to become a strong, adept Toa of Stone. Hold your position on the boulder until you happen to reach an old, abandoned quarry, where you may disembark. Be careful, however; your parents' warnings never to jump off a moving boulder weren't for nothing.


Jump to your feet, scoop up a handful of rock dust, and toss it in the air. As it showers over you, breathe deeply, inhaling the dust into your inner soul. This important step awakens the Stone Toa within you and alerts him for the remaining awakening steps. Ignore the urge to cough, no matter how strong it may seem. Coughing is a sign of weakness, and no real Toa of Stone would ever dream of even clearing his throat.


Once you feel invigorated, flex your arm muscles and pick up a large rock with one hand. The texture matters not, but beware of sharp, pointy ends.


Begin by tossing it from hand to hand. As you pick up speed, the skill of the Toa within will emerge, and you'll find yourself tossing it around with ease. Be wary of dropping it, however, for rocks have been known to cause pain when they happen to land on toes. Plus, dropping it means you're a failure and completely unworthy of any Toa title, and might as well go home and find a nice, quiet job as a bank accountant.


Once you've mastered the juggling, leap onto a hill of rocks and dance back and forth, still tossing the rock. You may sing a song appropriate for the occasion if feeling so inspired. As you dance and sing, you will clearly feel the manly brown and yellow seeping from your inner self.


Flip onto your hands and remove your shoes with your feet, but don't let go of the rock. Once your feet are stripped to their socks, kick the stone back and forth as long as possible. If you should happen to slip and tumble down the hill, worry not, but continue to the last and final step.


Sit up and allow the world a few moments to spin around you. Spread your feet to point in opposite directions, taking no notice of possible discomfort or pain. Pick up the rock again, which by now should feel like your old friend, and stare intently into its rocky depths until you have its very heart memorized. Then, hold it firmly in both hands and smack it repeatedly against your head, keeping in mind your mask protects your head from all harm, and shout as loudly as possible, "I ROCKS!"


We need not tell you when to cease. You will know for yourself when your biomechanical parts have surfaced, and you hold at last the true power of a Toa of Stone.






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Helo.Im riting from te hospitl rom. I can barly typ becaus I broke most of my fingrs (and most of my othr bones) aftr I fel off a monatan triyng to find my innr stone toa. goodby *goes into a coma* .

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First of all, remember I had a few accidents last time I tried to contact my inner bionicle.


*Is it really a proble if my heart is not beating? Seriously? Cuz mine is not. Never. What? I'm dead for god's sake!*


*Wich one will I choose? Oh, I like the one with the Mata Nui carvings on... Maybe I'll buy that one... Oh, look! this one has a promotion! "Buy one Get none free! For double the Price!" I'm definetly buying this one. "If you're not totally satisied, buy a new one!" Yup, I'm buyin' it.*


*Ok, steady... Steady, AAAGH!!! AAAGH!!! AAAGH!!! AAA-- *Thunk!* Outsh... Oh, wook! A Quawwy!*


*A hand full of sand... *Throws* *Inhal---* Aagh! the pain the Pain! I can't breathe I can't bre-- Wait... I Don't breathe...*


*I'll get a sharpy and pointy rock. I got cut and scratched in the thorn bush, so It won't Hu-- AAGH! AA! AAH!*


* *Throw* *Catch* *Throw* *Catch* *Throw* *Catch* *Throw* *Catch* *Throw* *Catch* *Throw* *Catch* *Throw* *Catch* *Throw* *Catch**Throw* *Catch* *Throw* *Fall on Toes* WAAAAAAAGH WAAH! AGH! MY TOES HAVE BEEN CUT OFF! AAGH!*


*Old Godzilla was hoppin' around, Tokio city like a big Playground when suddenly batman burst -- Oh, it isn't appropriate? Ok then. But how in the world can I dance with broken legs?*


*I feel brown allright... FROM ALL THE DIRT! But yellow... Only if I got sick from the dust inhaling...*


* *Takes shoes* *Kicks R--* Yeeouch! Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch... *Falls* WaaaAAGH! AAAAAAAGH! AAA-- *Thunk!* *


* *Gets Rock* *Thunk* Yowch! *Thunk* Yowch! I ROCKS! BUT I HURTS!*




And now, I'm a true Toa of air and Stone. Back at the hospital, but still a Toa Of Air and Stone.


The Disousa

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I'm finally a Stone Toa! I know this because my skin has hardened, I can't move, and I'm locked in this chair! Woohoo!


... Or maybe that's because I've been wrapped in bandages, I'm locked into my chair, and I'm under intensive care.



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