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I am ashamed of who I am.


Kevin Owens

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My name is Gato, and I am ashamed of my bisexuality.

 

From a very young age I was taught by my parents that homosexuality was something of a great evil. Bad people were homosexuals, and they were bad people because of their homosexuality. While I wasn't taught explicitly to view homosexuals as as being inferior of me, the implication was always there that I was better than them. I was better than them just solely based off the fact that my sexuality was different than theirs. Since my parents never believed and still don't believe in bisexuality, that was never approached. However it still followed that bisexuals were in the same boat as the homosexuals.

 

This of course was flipped on its head when I realized that I was bisexual three years ago.

 

I probably would have realized it sooner had I grown up in a different environment than the one that espoused homophobia. Even one that was ambigulously neutral on the subject would have caused the realization much, much earlier. I would be lying if I were to say that it's easy. Even years later it's not an easy thing to be something when you've spent the past two decades having it engrained in you that what you are is something disgusting and evil. It's three years since I've realized I was a bisexual and even now images of gay couples make me uncomfortable. I know that it shouldn't, but even something as simple as two guys holding hands illicits an "Ick!" reaction from me despite the fact that they are representing something that I am. And this is just dealing with something that was on a personal level from my parents. I could go on about dealing with a culture that is by and large homophobic.

 

So please, people, don't be homophobic. Often you're doing more damage than you even realize.

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in all the years ive been on bzp this is one of the realest talks ive seen in a long time and im proud of you for making this post bless you shane

 

i love you bro

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I know how you feel, in a way, being both pansexual and trans in a household where just being gay has been enough to get someone kicked out

so thank you for this entry, it's truly one of the best and most honest I've seen on this site, and I wish you the very best

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It's all good, man. It does make sense that there'd still be a bit of an 'Ick!' reaction after having it basically ground into you all your life, so I wouldn't feel too guilty about that. I'm sure the 'Ick' will go away, and it's not like your reaction is BEAT THEM BOTH UP so I wouldn't worry, you'll adapt eventually. Besides, the Ick isn't you, it's your parents.

 

I like seeing gay couples holding hands in public, just because it's funny to watch people be awkward around them, especially if it's challenging what they understand as normality and BLOWING THEIR MINDS. Though there's less of that over here...I seem to remember hearing about a gig that I think either Lady Gaga or Madonna did over here, and at one point she said 'IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY' and the crowd were just like 'Er....well yeah'. The sort of reaction she'd have got if she'd said slavery was bad.

 

- Tilius

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This is a -great- blog entry. I understand feeling initially uncomfortable when seeing gay couples holding hands, kissing, etc. :( I was raised the same way in regards to that, and even after I rejected the opinion of my parents and became accepting, it's still been hard not to feel all "Eagh" at first, and then I feel bad about it. It sucks and I don't ever want my own children to feel this way. It's been getting better; sometimes I think "Eiiiieee sweet!" at first instead. But it's taken a long time to get to this place. Hugs and love for you!

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Homophobia is the greatest joke on the planet. I HATE homophobic people with a burning passion.

 

Gato, regardless of your culture or religion, you are a great person.

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I'm just going to roll through these really quick. If I miss your comment, don't take offense to it. You are all great people and I do appreciate your support.

 

 

It's all good, man. It does make sense that there'd still be a bit of an 'Ick!' reaction after having it basically ground into you all your life, so I wouldn't feel too guilty about that. I'm sure the 'Ick' will go away, and it's not like your reaction is BEAT THEM BOTH UP so I wouldn't worry, you'll adapt eventually. Besides, the Ick isn't you, it's your parents.

 

I like seeing gay couples holding hands in public, just because it's funny to watch people be awkward around them, especially if it's challenging what they understand as normality and BLOWING THEIR MINDS. Though there's less of that over here...I seem to remember hearing about a gig that I think either Lady Gaga or Madonna did over here, and at one point she said 'IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY' and the crowd were just like 'Er....well yeah'. The sort of reaction she'd have got if she'd said slavery was bad.

 

- Tilius

The thing is that it shouldn't be funny to see people react awkwardly to the idea of homosexuality. If anything it should be depressing. Awkward reactions, while significantly better than outright hate, are still expressions of homophobia. Residual homophobia or homophobia that lies underneath the initial reaction, but homophobia none the less.

 

Unless you just find homophobic reactions to be amusing I guess. Your perogative really.

 

This is a -great- blog entry. I understand feeling initially uncomfortable when seeing gay couples holding hands, kissing, etc. :( I was raised the same way in regards to that, and even after I rejected the opinion of my parents and became accepting, it's still been hard not to feel all "Eagh" at first, and then I feel bad about it. It sucks and I don't ever want my own children to feel this way. It's been getting better; sometimes I think "Eiiiieee sweet!" at first instead. But it's taken a long time to get to this place. Hugs and love for you!

Yeah. I first started to come around to the idea of homosexuality maybe not being the worst thing in the world when I was at a Christian university of all places where I heard an argument for homosexuals having the right to mary. While they still espoused that homosexuality was evil, by depriving them of a basic human right you were essentially degrading them and making them less than human. While it seems so basic, at the time it blew my mind and helped me reevaluate what my values were on the subject.

Homophobia is the greatest joke on the planet. I HATE homophobic people with a burning passion.

 

Gato, regardless of your culture or religion, you are a great person.

 

See the problem with you saying that homophobia is the greatest joke on the planet is that it isn't. Jokes are funny. Homophobia isn't. It could be that you were using it in some sort of ironic sense, but then there are far greater examples of 'jokes' that were told throughout human history. Because I feel like I haven't hit my Godwin's law quotia for the day I'm just going to say yo Stalin I'm happy for you and Imma let you finish but Hitler is the greatest prankster of all time.

 

OF ALL TIME.

 

But at any rate hating people with homophobia isn't the answer to the problem. Hating hate doesn't solve anything, nor is hate irrational. People don't make bad decesions or say the wrong thing. People always do what they think is right, barring crazy circumstances like legitimate insanity. People practicing homophobia do it because they think they're in the right and that homophobia is a perfectly logical train thought. The real solution to the problem of homophobia is to counter it with rational, logical arguments that undermine the very principles that homophobia stands on.

 

This is longer than I intended so I'm just going to cut it short.

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The fact that we live in a society where the idea of "you're only allowed to love someone if they're the opposite gender" is still one that gets impressed onto children in places is really, really depressing.

 

I wish you the best of luck, Gato, and like so many have said: it gets better.

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Just make sure not to wade into the political and religious discussions this topic tends to bring up and I'm super down with this entry because it's amazing and these things need to be heard.

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As someone who has only recently realized and accepted their bisexuality, I feel this entry, for it is a true, honest one. I also grew up in a homophobic household. In fact, as I am still underage, and (fearing expulsion from my home) have to hide my true opinions and feelings, I still am living in a homophobic household.

 

I rejected my parents' viewpoint a couple years ago, and although I, at first, experienced the same reaction towards portrayals of homosexuality, I am now fully comfortable with them. It's not easy, breaking away from lifelong beliefs. I'm lucky I went through all that befoere finding that my own sexual orientation deviates from the "norm."

 

Homophobia is a terrible, terrible thing. The amount of people who think nothing of it is truly, overwhelmingly depressing.

 

Indoctrination ain't cool. :c

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It's posts like these that remind me how lucky I was with my family.

You're still a great bro to me and I wish you all the best in your journey.

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I consider homophobia wrong for the damage it has caused, both on individuals and society as a whole. I want to see a society where people are free to love who they want, regardless of gender.

 

Good luck, Gato. We may not be much more than acquaintences, if even that, but I offer my support to you whenever you may need it (not sure how silly that sounds, but I don't know what else to say, so whatever).

 

-TNTOS-

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The thing is that it shouldn't be funny to see people react awkwardly to the idea of homosexuality. If anything it should be depressing. Awkward reactions, while significantly better than outright hate, are still expressions of homophobia. Residual homophobia or homophobia that lies underneath the initial reaction, but homophobia none the less.

 

Unless you just find homophobic reactions to be amusing I guess. Your perogative really.

True. I find it funny in a 'haha, what an cool dude' kind of way, if that makes sense. Like, laughing in pity of them. At them instead of with them. It's how I deal with these sorts of groups, who don't base their beliefs on fact. Might not be a productive solution, but, with me, it's either that or just getting worked up about their stupidity.

 

The real solution to the problem of homophobia is to counter it with rational, logical arguments that undermine the very principles that homophobia stands on.

Agreed. People should start dropping whatever ideas they've been raised to believe as acceptable and be encouraged to engage in critical thought instead.

 

- Tilius

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Hey, Gato, I've got friends feeling the same way as you right now-all I can say is that you just got to push through at the moment and you'll get used to it more. Everything takes time, and this is no different.

 

One question, though: What exactly happened to Velox's post? He brought up an important issue about how, a lot of the time, people consider those who are against homosexuality, as an idea, to be the same as homophobic-which is, definitely, not true.

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One question, though: What exactly happened to Velox's post? He brought up an important issue about how, a lot of the time, people consider those who are against homosexuality, as an idea, to be the same as homophobic-which is, definitely, not true.

 

It might not exactly be the same, but it is, in essence, the same idea. People who are against homosexuality but claim to have nothing against homosexuals are, in most cases, just trying to being politically correct without coming off as intolerant. It doesn't really work. It's silent intolerance, but it's still saying "this is bad and you're bad because of it." It's religion, so just saying it's a "disagreement" is way too much of an understatement. The implications are very severe and judgmental.

 

If we're defining homophobia as just repression of or hostile thoughts towards homosexuality, it is still homophobia.

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I can't speak for Velox's post. I never saw it, so I didn't delete it. Something else happened to it.

 

But just to follow up on what UU said, it doesn't make any sort of logical sense to disagree with the idea of homosexuality. Taking out the whole, hugging and kissing and all that jazz, sexuality is rooted in the idea of love. Saying that you disagree with something implies that on some level you find it to be wrong. If you found nothing wrong with it, then there would be nothing to disagree with. The idea that my love for another man is somehow lesser, inferior, or just plain wrong compared to me loving a woman is rather puzzling indeed.

 

This is of course a gross simplification of the issue. We're not even begening to touch on gender identity of eve biologically intersexed people or people who have undergone a sex change or anything like that. Sexuality and gender identity can be very complex issues! It's also worth noting that I have been slightly misleading about my sexuality. Technically I am pansexual and panromantic. However for the most part whenever you present someone with that fact you tend to make to confuse them and at best you get a "bwuh?" reaction. It's for that reason I primarily tend to identify just as bisexual.

 

Gender and sexuality. Deep stuff man,.

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Did he ever say that Homosexuals themselves were bad? No, and that wasn't the least bit implied. The only good reply I can think of to that thought is this: Love the sinner, hate the sin.

 

You don't have to hate homosexuals or anything to be against homosexuality itself. People like to think that, if only to further their arguments, but it's not true. You can think a person is bad but agree with their views, same as you can disagree with the views but hold that the person is good.

 

Basically: You can dislike the idea however much you want-everybody disagrees on some things, and this is but one of many. However, does that mean that you're going to hate the person, or be afraid of them, or anything like that? No! Love the sinner, hate the sin. Love the person, hate their idea. That's all there really is to a disagreement like this.

 

You don't have to be against homosexuals to be against homosexuality, whatever people may want you to think. While yes, that is the general connection, it isn't always how it works, so don't just assume that will be the case.

 

EDIT: To Gato:

 

I certainly get where you're coming at with that last paragraph, and with the first: Yes, there is little sense to disagreeing with homosexuality in that sense, but people do it anyways. However, you can disagree with something without having to be overbearing about it, trying to force others to your view-that's somewhat what I'm getting at. Just that while you can hate the thought, it doesn't mean you have to hate the person.

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being anti-homosexuality makes as much sense as being anti-short or anti-brunette or anti-any-other-way-some-people-naturally-are

 

Yes and no. To some people it does make sense, to others it doesn't. Really, it all depends on your viewpoint-and that is a thought that can be applied to many other things.

 

For an example: Person A supports the death penalty/homosexuality/etc. His arguments make cogent, logical sense to listeners.

 

Person B, however, has a different viewpoint, and is influenced by his viewpoint to ignore a lot of what Person A says. Therefor, what Person A says makes no sense to him. At the same, he presents cogent, logical arguments as well, as to why he disagrees with the subject.

 

Person A, following his bias, thinks that Person B makes so sense. Then, a never-ending cycle is made.

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"Disagreeing" with something like this really isn't so simple. The idea is still "You're still a sinner, what you're doing is still bad, and you're headed for nothing good." That's just the tenets of that line of thinking.

 

You can say that you can be okay with a person while hating something that is a fundamental part of them, but I find such claims highly suspect. What's the difference between hating something someone does and not the people who do it? That kind of thinking implies that you want the person to stop doing whatever it is you hate, that they can still be redeemed--in this case, stop being homosexuals. And that isn't going to happen.

 

Like Gato said, it's too complex an issue to talk about in broad strokes, but the idea is still the same. Simply "disagreeing" with this issue just isn't something that makes sense separately from homophobia.

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Well, maybe it would be less hating that fundamental part of them, and instead hating the actions they take, no? But still, I see what you're getting at, and I say again: It really depends on your viewpoint.

 

As well: Yes, some people hate homosexuals because of their homosexuality. Other people don't-yes, I know it isn't simple. There's a lot left to be explained. The simple part, though, is that you don't have to hate the person just because of their beliefs. The good part is that people are learning that, accepting that.

 

Yes, they can feel that that means the person can be redeemed...so what? Again, so long as they don't go overboard on it, and be so terribly overbearing like many people can, what's the matter? People can learn to accept things, or they can learn to shut up about their disagreements-like they are doing, finally.

 

There's one big, other problem, though: As some people shut up, other people get more vocal. The problems continue. It doesn't matter what the problem is-racism, sexism, homosexuality, the death sentence, anything. That's just the cycle. These arguments we have can be applied to just about every issue around, in our time and in times past. Maybe the problem is that people argue, instead of accepting?

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The problematic thing with you essentially comparing sexuality to the issue of racism is that you are essentially ceding the point. Nobody will ever try to argue that racism is a good thing. It should follow that nobody will try to argue that homophobia is a good thing. It just doesn't work.

 

It is also worth noting that death penalty doesn't really apply. Death penalty certainly is something that you can logicall argue both for and against. It's hard to do the same with the various sexualities. When you argue against something, you are arguing against it because it is wrong. If you argue against the death penalty you argue against it because you find it wrong. When you argue against a certain sexuality you argue againest it because you find it wrong.

 

The issue breaks down in that the death penalty is an action. Sexuality is a part of who you are. It makes up the very fibre of your being. When you argue against a certain sexuality, you are arguing that that something that makes up their very person is wrong. That is an incredibly dangerous line of thought, and one that nobody should ever take seriously.

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I'm sorry if I confused you, Gato, but you've missed the point: I'm just saying that similar arguments, in how things make sense to some people and don't to others, can apply to nearly any issue. That's just what I'm saying-no, they obviously aren't that close in truth, but that's one thing they share in common.

 

I say again: Person A may agree with subject, but Person B, who doesn't agree, finds that Person A's arguments, however cogent or logical, make no sense due to a pre-existing Bias. Person A will feel the same about Person B.

 

People argue, and they refuse to accept other people's arguments. Some people become less vocal, others become more vocal, the arguments continue. It's a cycle that lasts with nearly every issue possible-religion, politics, sexuality, you name it.

 

Yes, people argue against things because they find them wrong-that's the only reason people argue. If we argued against something we felt right, we'd either A] Have trouble because we were arguing with ourselves, or B] We most likely would have been lying to ourselves about whether or not we felt it right. Again, that's a gross oversimplification, and that's not always the case...but you get my point.

 

The arguments we're having can apply nearly everywhere, to nearly every issue. And it's that fact that has kept Humans arguing throughout the years...leading to any number of things. One common thing these disagreements lead to is war.

 

So, I say again: Maybe the problem is that people argue, instead of accepting? And when I say this, it applies to both sides of every argument.

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