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I'm giving up on my dreams

Kaleidoscope Tekulo


I just can't get my hopes up anymore.


I really just want to be happy. But that doesn't just happen after years of depression and anxiety. I would love it, really love it, if I could just not be anxious or depressed anymore. But I could move a thousand times and life could go perfectly and I'd still be stressed out.


It takes work and it takes time and there are going to be days where I'm just exhausted and miserable and don't want to deal with anything.


I dunno. I feel I've had a lot of pressure growing up that if things weren't perfect then it was akin to the end of the world. I feel like I was raised with that mentality. But alas, my life has been far from ideal or perfect. I wasn't ready for mental illness or pressure from being LGBT+ in a family that is heteronormative or just how far behind I got in the business of living.


So, I give up. I'll never have that perfect, ideal life I was trained to expect. And I'd love to say it's better that way, but it honestly is hard. And exhausting. And I don't always know if I'll make it.


Isn't that just disheartening?

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(old meme is old)


I’ve also spent a lot of time wanting things to be perfect, and I know it’s definitely disheartening when you begin to realize how unrealistic a goal that is.  I don’t know if I can say that giving up on that idea of perfection is “better”, but it doesn’t need to be entirely bad.  Once you know things can’t be completely perfect, it can be an opportunity to take a more realistic look at things and not feel overwhelmed by every individual failure—just one of those might ruin the chance at perfection, but even people who mess up a bunch can still come out pretty darn fine in the end.  And sometimes it can be easier to accept setbacks, because hey, nothing’s perfect, and bad things happening doesn’t prevent good things from happening later.


Granted, this is just what I’ve been telling myself and I know that my stressors are very different from yours.  I don’t know if this can help you, but I’m really, really hoping you find something that will.  I believe in you!

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