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Wa Contest #1: Team #2 Discussion Entry


Franco

1,548 views

Team #2, KNI, Daedalus, and myself, we have a contest to win. We don't have much to go on, which is good. My plan is that we should enlist in each one, though I'm not sure who should write the SS, if anyone. Any ideas?

 

Oh, yeah, one last thing: doods, if we write for either, could people please use Arcanio and Virgil? I'd like to use them, as they have almost no backstory or anything, as well as SHEER AWESOMENESS :3

 

If no one knows what I'm talking about, here's my Arcanio/Virgil sample:

 

Arcanio's steps seemed to split the earth itself.

 

A giant of a man, Arcanio literally shook the earth with each step his comically small legs took. That is, comically small compared to the hulking mass of muscle and sinew that was his torso. Covered in armor fashioned of a silver metal, he appeared to be a monstrosity even more so when one examined his right arm. Unlike Arcanio's left arm, it was covered in a mishapen mass of metal that made it three times thicker than the other arm. Claws came out of its stumpy ending instead of fingers, lethal stilettos ready to stab. Half of his face, as well, was covered by the same gunmetal blob. Dangling lose at his belt was a war hammer, and a serious-looking one at that. Covered in glowing red and white runes, the hammer had a huge axe blade on one side, whereas the other had the traditional metal head. To top it off, literally, the top of the hammer had a huge spike mounted upon it. His face was covered by a helmet shaped like a wolf's head, which was appropiate considering his company. Next to the giant, a gray wolf plodded along faithfully, its blue eyes showing a stoic determination like its master's. Virgil was the pet's name, but Arcanio did not consider Virgil a "pet"; rather, to him, the canine was his partner.

 

The two travelled on through a canyon, its walls a rusty red. Once, long ago, a stream had babbled there. Now, the only sounds were the shaking of the earth under Arcanio's feet andt he cawing of crows. He saw a throng of them overhead now, descending. It was all prefectly normal-

 

-Except for the fact that crows didn't live in the desert.

 

Suddenly, one of them dive-bombed Virgil, biting the wolf in the ear. Howling, Virgil twisted this way and that, trying to shake the bird off, but more were coming, and soon, the wolf was covered in crows, snapping and clawing at him.

 

And then Arcanio descended upon them like a thunderbolt, literally. He had been preparing all this time, storing his magic, and now he unleashed it, lightning sparking off his right arm and hitting the crows. They scattered, shocked, then re-formed, and turned to attack Arcanio himself.

 

At first, their pecks were just a nuisance as he shocked them off, but gradually, he realized two things: his electric attacks weren't affecting them any more, and his armor was being penetrated by their beaks. Slowly, ever so slowly, he was losing.

 

Now, he decided, was time to fight. Grasping his war hammer's hilt, he threw it, spinning, into the crowd of crows. They screamed, trying to get away from it, only to die smashed by one head, impaled by the spike, or cut in half by the blade. Flying around, the hammer cut another swath through his foes before Arcanios caught it. That dealt with most of his enemies.

 

However, the few left were still pecking and clawing at him, and he was, by this time, covered in stabs and slashes made by the crow's natural weapons. Arcanios tried to punch them off, but to no avail. The crows seemed to have a near-magnetic grip on his armor, not to mention a near-metal constituition of their feathers. Closing his eyes, Arcanios prepared to die-

 

-And then heard a howling battle cry. Reopening his lids, the titan saw Virgil, descending upon the crows once more. Smiling, Arcanios used his last bit of magic to turn Virgil's fur into metal temporarily, and the iron wolf literally wolfed down his enemies as they fultiley tried to pierce the wolf's armor, gulping them down like chicken.

 

Finally, the battle was over, the canyon floor covered with the corpses of the birds. Sitting back and relaxing in the shade of the canyon, Arcanios and Virgil licked their wounds, then, tired from the combat, went to sleep.

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*Incoming Transmission*

 

Okay, forget my last post. But before I post the next paragraph, two things: (1.) I'm going to assume that magic can be used (Arcanios used magic to cover Virgil with armor in the story he is in); and (2.) The guy Arcanios and Virgil are protecting is Kevin, unless you guys can think of better way to incorporate him into the story.

 

"Have it your way." A man materialized not far from Arcanios and Virgil. Both turned toward the man, but before they could act, the man gestured, and a wave of energy slammed into them, sending them tumbling backward.

 

Hm, maybe we should allow ourselves to do more paragraphs in order to have a bit more control over how we want a particular part to play out. We could do a maximum of three paragraphs or something. That way we can have a bit more liberty per turn without any one person taking full control of the story. Just a suggestion. Yes? No?

 

*End Transmission*

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:tohu: Oops, sorry...

Kevin woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a massive warrior and a dog. He exhaustedly got up, what happened? On closer look, he found that the "dog" was in fact a wolf. He tried to think of what do do, but he felt sickly. He heard a voice, and a growl, and then a stern voice-probably the warrior-yell back at the first. He tried to get up again, but immediately the ground shook! He looked up to see the warrior swinging a huge battle axe at the creature who had emmited the voice. To his surprise, it was ugly and large, its voice nothing to hint about it's appearance. It was obviously more technologically advanced, as bullets pinged toward the warrior.

Someone will have to put Crase in there, because I can't figure out how...

 

But yeah, now up to three paragraphs a turn. And Hatter, in your next turn, say any more rules or regulations. :tohu:

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:tohu: Oops, sorry...

Kevin woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a massive warrior and a dog. He exhaustedly got up, what happened? On closer look, he found that the "dog" was in fact a wolf. He tried to think of what do do, but he felt sickly. He heard a voice, and a growl, and then a stern voice-probably the warrior-yell back at the first. He tried to get up again, but immediately the ground shook! He looked up to see the warrior swinging a huge battle axe at the creature who had emmited the voice. To his surprise, it was ugly and large, its voice nothing to hint about it's appearance. It was obviously more technologically advanced, as bullets pinged toward the warrior.

Someone will have to put Crase in there, because I can't figure out how...

 

But yeah, now up to three paragraphs a turn. And Hatter, in your next turn, say any more rules or regulations. :tohu:

 

I like that change, KNI. I don't see anything else I think we should change. You know, at first, I thought this idea was the worst thing ever, but now I see that it's exceeded all my expectations so far :D

 

The titan wasn't new to this thing, Kevin realized, as energy sparked off the giant's huge, mishapen arm, blasting back the bullets. But neither was the mechanical monstrosity. Lumbering forward, the mecha tackled the titan, each grappling with the other.

 

Although the titan appeared to have the advantage with his powerful arm, it turned out that the technological behemoth had the edge here, as well. Raising its activated chainsaw overhead, the thrumming weapon fell towards the titan-

 

-And then the blade was flying, flying away from the behemoth as it spun, cut into several pieces, by a person on a hawk before the two fighters, his knife still in hand.

 

EDIT: Wait a sec-

 

KNI, what happened to this post:

 

"Have it your way." A man materialized not far from Arcanios and Virgil. Both turned toward the man, but before they could act, the man gestured, and a wave of energy slammed into them, sending them tumbling backward.
?

 

I don't remember anyone responding to it...

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*Incoming Transmission*

 

It's okay, Hawk Six. I actually like the way this is going a bit more than I would had he fully responded to that. That part can be edited later when we are putting this whole thing together.

 

"What--!"

 

The mecha was distracted for a brief moment, and that was just what the titan needed. He swung his huge fist forward into the mecha's body, crushing in the mecha's chest and sending it flying backward toward the edge of a cliff. The titan quickly rose and charged toward the mecha. The mecha began to rise, but the titan did not let it. He swung his fist again, this time connecting with the mecha's head. The mecha lurched up and back, landing at the very edge of the cliff.

 

"While he is under our protection," the titan rumbled, "you... won't... touch him." With a simple push, the titan sent the mecha's upper body over the edge, it's weight dragging the rest of it's body with it.

 

I will let you, KNI, decide if Arcanios and Virgil know Crase, or if he just showed up.

 

Also, I think I should let you guys know that I might have limited access to the internet for a while. I am currently having to use my dad's computer because the video card on mine took a dump. So I apologize ahead of time, just in case.

 

*End Transmission*

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:tohu: I think it's time for another twist...

"I hate it when people do my job." said the newcomer.

Arcanios tightened his grip on the massive, multifunctional axe in his hands.

"You knew it?" asked Arcanios.

The enigma warrior glanced down at the broken peices of the mecha.

"In a way-it was hunting me. Oh, I apolagize, I am Crase. I am an outlaw, and an enemy you'd regret having." 'Crase' answered.

"Well, Crase-" Arcanios and Virgil both took a threatening step closer, "-I am an enemy you won't have enough time left to regret having."

:tohu:
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Crase smiled and moved back a bit nonchalantly. In reality, his heart was hammering, and beads of sweat were already forming on his forehead. "Well, I have to go...," he said, as he secretly began to use his power to bend minds...

 

And then Crase was standing before a volcano, wild and untamed, roaring and blazing like a demon. Lava sprayed into his face, and he ducked at the last second, brain whirring madly. What kind of mind was this?

 

Fiery bombs rained out of the volcano, raining down around him, as an ash storm was expelled from its crater. Lava poured out of the erupting volcano, waves of heat coming out of its crater. Crase gasped in surprise. Normally, the minds of people were somewhat chaotic. After all, they were only human. But this one...This one was chaos incarnate.

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*Incoming Transmission*

 

Crase did his best not to scream. He strained, and willed himself to disconnect from that chaotic mess. When everything returned to normal, Crase found himself on one knee, the energy drained from his body.

 

The titan shook his head. "What was that?"

 

Crase rose slowly and painfully. That was a very good question, and though he had no answer, he knew that whatever it was had almost broken his mind.

 

*End Transmission*

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:tohu:

Then, he decided, was the time to try a different approach.

"Excuse that, I get...cronic headaches." he said, grinning.

"Are they that bad?" asked Arcanios suspiciously.

"When you hang around the kind of people I do, the smallest things-" he slowly slid a small hatchet from his pocket "-become your worst problems."

With that, he surged forward, hitting Arcanios in the chest with the hatchet, grabbing Kevin, and triggering the rockets on his boots.

 

Kevin tried to stretch, but a strong arm prevented it. He opened his eyes again and discovered a disturbing fact: He was in the air.

 

Crase looked back, and saw a flying wolf! The wolf of Arcanios had grown wings and was flying toward them.

:tohu:
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Virgil snarled as he flew closer to Crase, snapping at the human. Unfortunately for the wolf, Crase had a bite of his own. Whirling, the human drew back his hatchet and cracked the canine on the head. The effect of the surprise attack was immediate. Hovering for a second, the wolf stopped snapping, then fell as his eyes closed.

 

"Virgil!" The titan, whom Crase could see had been largely unaffected by the attack, only a slight dent in his armor, rushed forward, catching his friend in his arms. Crase grinned. He had just immobilized his opposition, and with only one blow, too.

 

Taking a last second to look back and stick out his tongue at the others, Crase flew off, carrying Kevin to his hideout. The stunned Kevin could only watch as darkness fell and the two figures-the titan and his wolf-gradually disappeared.

 

Does anyone else feel as though that finished it? I think that's a good finisher for now, but, does anyone else wish to continue this?

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*Incoming Transmission*

 

I'd be willing to let it end there. We could now compile it into one story and read it over. Then we can decide if we should leave it, edit it, or completely redo it. I mean, we've still got a little while before the story is actually do. We've got plenty of time, and we should use it wisely.

 

*End Transmission*

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*Incoming Transmission*

 

I'd be willing to let it end there. We could now compile it into one story and read it over. Then we can decide if we should leave it, edit it, or completely redo it. I mean, we've still got a little while before the story is actually do. We've got plenty of time, and we should use it wisely.

 

*End Transmission*

 

Exactly my thoughts. I'll compile it, or at least what we have now, then post it. Even if people don't like what we have so far, at least we know what it is. Hold on...

 

EDIT: Here our first draft of this thing is:

 

 

Arcanio and Virgil stood back to back, two titans at the edge of the world, as the sun bled away its crimson light, its death spasms on the horizon. Bloodied, exhausted, they stood, ready for anything. And they were not alone.

 

"You have been fighting for your lives too long," said a smooth, calm voice. "You can relax, at least for the moment. You needn't fear me."

 

Virgil growled, suspicious. Arcanios mentally scanned the surrounding area, remembering where he'd been, and what to do next. As much as he wanted to welcome the soothing voice, he hesitated. Virgil obviously didn't trust it. And Virgil was almost never wrong.

 

"No, thanks," rumbled the iron colossus, his huge left arm moving absent-mindedly as it slowly came down, pointing towards the unconscious body of the human the two were protecting. "I'd like to," he continued, "But, as Virgil-," here he pointed to the wolf, "-here can testify, we have a person to protect. All other priorities come second," he boomed firmly. Then, pulling his hammer out of his belt, he rumbled once more, a trace of lethal mirth in his voice, "Unless you'd like to become our first priority...To take out?"

 

"Have it your way." A mecha materialized not far from Arcanios and Virgil. Both turned toward the technological monstrosity, readying their weapons.

 

**********

 

Kevin woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a massive warrior and a dog. He exhaustedly got up, what happened? On closer look, he found that the "dog" was in fact a wolf. He tried to think of what do do, but he felt sickly. He heard a voice, and a growl, and then a stern voice-probably the warrior-yell back at the first. He tried to get up again, but immediately the ground shook! He looked up to see the warrior swinging a huge battle axe at the creature who had emmited the voice. To his surprise, it was ugly and large, its voice nothing to hint about it's appearance. It was obviously more technologically advanced, as bullets pinged toward the warrior.

 

The titan wasn't new to this thing, Kevin realized, as energy sparked off the giant's huge, misshapen arm, blasting back the bullets. But neither was the mechanical monstrosity. Lumbering forward, the mecha tackled the titan, each grappling with the other.

 

Although the titan appeared to have the advantage with his powerful arm, it turned out that the technological behemoth had the edge here, as well. Raising its activated chainsaw overhead, the thrumming weapon fell towards the titan-

 

-And then the blade was flying, flying away from the behemoth as it spun, cut into several pieces, by a person on a hawk before the two fighters, his knife still in hand.

 

"What--!"

 

The mecha was distracted for a brief moment, and that was just what the titan needed. He swung his huge fist forward into the mecha's body, crushing in the mecha's chest and sending it flying backward toward the edge of a cliff. The titan quickly rose and charged toward the mecha. The mecha began to rise, but the titan did not let it. He swung his fist again, this time connecting with the mecha's head. The mecha lurched up and back, landing at the very edge of the cliff.

 

"While he is under our protection," the titan rumbled, "you... won't... touch him." With a simple push, the titan sent the mecha's upper body over the edge, it's weight dragging the rest of it's body with it.

 

"I hate it when people do my job." said the newcomer.

 

Arcanios tightened his grip on the massive, multifunctional axe in his hands.

 

"You knew it?" asked Arcanios.

 

The enigma warrior glanced down at the broken pieces of the mecha.

 

"In a way-it was hunting me. Oh, I apologize, I am Crase. I am an outlaw, and an enemy you'd regret having." 'Crase' answered.

 

"Well, Crase-" Arcanios and Virgil both took a threatening step closer, "-I am an enemy you won't have enough time left to regret having."

 

**********

 

Crase smiled and moved back a bit nonchalantly. In reality, his heart was hammering, and beads of sweat were already forming on his forehead. "Well, I have to go...," he said, as he secretly began to use his power to bend minds...

 

And then Crase was standing before a volcano, wild and untamed, roaring and blazing like a demon. Lava sprayed into his face, and he ducked at the last second, brain whirring madly. What kind of mind was this?

 

Fiery bombs rained out of the volcano, raining down around him, as an ash storm was expelled from its crater. Lava poured out of the erupting volcano, waves of heat coming out of its crater. Crase gasped in surprise. Normally, the minds of people were somewhat chaotic. After all, they were only human. But this one...This one was chaos incarnate.

 

Crase did his best not to scream. He strained, and willed himself to disconnect from that chaotic mess. When everything returned to normal, Crase found himself on one knee, the energy drained from his body.

 

The titan shook his head. "What was that?"

 

Crase rose slowly and painfully. That was a very good question, and though he had no answer, he knew that whatever it was had almost broken his mind.

 

Then, he decided, was the time to try a different approach.

 

"Excuse that, I get...chronic headaches." he said, grinning.

 

"Are they that bad?" asked Arcanios suspiciously.

 

"When you hang around the kind of people I do, the smallest things-" he slowly slid a small hatchet from his pocket "-become your worst problems."

 

With that, he surged forward, hitting Arcanios in the chest with the hatchet, grabbing Kevin, and triggering the rockets on his boots.

 

**********

Kevin tried to stretch, but a strong arm prevented it. He opened his eyes again and discovered a disturbing fact: He was in the air.

**********

 

Crase looked back, and saw a flying wolf! The wolf of Arcanios had grown wings and was flying toward them.

 

Virgil snarled as he flew closer to Crase, snapping at the human. Unfortunately for the wolf, Crase had a bite of his own. Whirling, the human drew back his hatchet and cracked the canine on the head. The effect of the surprise attack was immediate. Hovering for a second, the wolf stopped snapping, then fell as his eyes closed.

 

"Virgil!" The titan, whom Crase could see had been largely unaffected by the attack, only a slight dent in his armor, rushed forward, catching his friend in his arms. Crase grinned. He had just immobilized his opposition, and with only one blow, too.

 

Taking a last second to look back and stick out his tongue at the others, Crase flew off, carrying Kevin to his hideout. The stunned Kevin could only watch as darkness fell and the two figures-the titan and his wolf-gradually disappeared.

 

I put the asterisks in to show where the story shows perspective. So, what do you think?

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*Incoming Transmission*

 

Hm. I think it is fine. There are a few things that could be edited, most notably the first paragraph (I think the quote should be separated from the rest of the paragraph).

 

*End Transmission*

Link to comment
*Incoming Transmission*

 

Hm. I think it is fine. There are a few things that could be edited, most notably the first paragraph (I think the quote should be separated from the rest of the paragraph).

 

*End Transmission*

 

Oh, right. I'll edit that.

 

I had a few qualms about some of the word choices, but it's too late for me to state them now >.< I'll tell them later.

 

Kevin woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a massive warrior and a dog. He exhaustedly got up, what happened? On closer look, he found that the "dog" was in fact a wolf. He tried to think of what do do, but he felt sickly. He heard a voice, and a growl, and then a stern voice-probably the warrior-yell back at the first. He tried to get up again, but immediately the ground shook! He looked up to see the warrior swinging a huge battle axe at the creature who had emmited the voice. To his surprise, it was ugly and large, its voice nothing to hint about it's appearance. It was obviously more technologically advanced, as bullets pinged toward the warrior.

 

At all the commas I marked, I thought they could be replaced by other forms of punctuation. At the "he"s, I thought they could be replaced by another pronoun or word to describe Kevin, including his name, because that really got boring after a while, reading all those "he"s. And at "sickly", I don't feel as though it fits the context. Finally, an inconsistency is visible here: early on, KNI, you stated that he got up. However, later on, it is assumed that he never got up. Anyone have any ideas for changes?

 

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Kevin woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a massive warrior and a dog. He exhaustedly lifted his head. What happened? On closer look, Kevin found that the "dog" was in fact a wolf. He tried to think of what to do, but he something in his body didn't feel right. He heard a voice, and a growl, and then a stern voice-probably the warrior-yell back at the first. Kevin tried to get up, but immediately the ground shook. He looked up to see the warrior swinging a huge battle axe at the creature who had emitted the voice. To his surprise, it was ugly and large, its voice nothing to hint about it's appearance. It was obviously more technologically advanced, as bullets pinged toward the warrior.

 

 

*Incoming Transmission*

 

Tell me what you think about the changes. That was just the way I thought it should be done, but feel free to make the changes you guys think should be done. Also, in the bold sentence, am I the only who thinks that the wording could be slightly improved? I mean, it gets the point across, and it is no way incorrect, but I just feel it could be worded differently. Again, only an opinion. Tell me what you guys think.

 

*End Transmission*

Link to comment
Kevin woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a massive warrior and a dog. He exhaustedly lifted his head. What happened? On closer look, Kevin found that the "dog" was in fact a wolf. He tried to think of what to do, but he something in his body didn't feel right. He heard a voice, and a growl, and then a stern voice-probably the warrior-yell back at the first. Kevin tried to get up, but immediately the ground shook. He looked up to see the warrior swinging a huge battle axe at the creature who had emitted the voice. To his surprise, it was ugly and large, its voice nothing to hint about it's appearance. It was obviously more technologically advanced, as bullets pinged toward the warrior.

 

 

*Incoming Transmission*

 

Tell me what you think about the changes. That was just the way I thought it should be done, but feel free to make the changes you guys think should be done. Also, in the bold sentence, am I the only who thinks that the wording could be slightly improved? I mean, it gets the point across, and it is no way incorrect, but I just feel it could be worded differently. Again, only an opinion. Tell me what you guys think.

 

*End Transmission*

 

Meh...Yeah, I get a slight feeling that something about that sentence is off. I like the rest of the changes, except that you left a "he" (bolded by me) where it's not needed.

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Okay, so with that...

 

Arcanio and Virgil stood back to back, two titans at the edge of the world, as the sun bled away its crimson light, its death spasms on the horizon. Bloodied, exhausted, they stood, ready for anything. And they were not alone.

 

"You have been fighting for your lives too long," said a smooth, calm voice. "You can relax, at least for the moment. You needn't fear me."

 

Virgil growled, suspicious. Arcanios mentally scanned the surrounding area, remembering where he'd been, and what to do next. As much as he wanted to welcome the soothing voice, he hesitated. Virgil obviously didn't trust it. And Virgil was almost never wrong.

 

"No, thanks," rumbled the iron colossus, his huge left arm moving absent-mindedly as it slowly came down, pointing towards the unconscious body of the human the two were protecting. "I'd like to," he continued, "But, as Virgil-," here he pointed to the wolf, "-here can testify, we have a person to protect. All other priorities come second," he boomed firmly. Then, pulling his hammer out of his belt, he rumbled once more, a trace of lethal mirth in his voice, "Unless you'd like to become our first priority...To take out?"

 

"Have it your way." A mecha materialized not far from Arcanios and Virgil. Both turned toward the technological monstrosity, readying their weapons.

 

**********

 

 

Kevin woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a massive warrior and a dog. He exhaustedly lifted his head. What happened? On closer look, Kevin found that the "dog" was in fact a wolf. He tried to think of what to do, but something in his body didn't feel right. He heard a voice, and a growl, and then a stern voice-probably the warrior-yell back at the first. Kevin looked up to see the warrior swinging a huge battle axe at the creature who had emitted the voice. To his surprise, it was ugly and large, its voice nothing to hint about it's appearance. It was obviously more technologically advanced, as bullets pinged toward the warrior.

 

The titan wasn't new to this thing, Kevin realized, as energy sparked off the giant's huge, misshapen arm, blasting back the bullets. But neither was the mechanical monstrosity. Lumbering forward, the mecha tackled the titan, each grappling with the other.

 

Although the titan appeared to have the advantage with his powerful arm, it turned out that the technological behemoth had the edge here, as well. Raising its activated chainsaw overhead, the thrumming weapon fell towards the titan-

 

-And then the blade was flying, flying away from the behemoth as it spun, cut into several pieces, by a person on a hawk before the two fighters, his knife still in hand.

 

"What--!"

 

The mecha was distracted for a brief moment, and that was just what the titan needed. He swung his huge fist forward into the mecha's body, crushing in the mecha's chest and sending it flying backward toward the edge of a cliff. The titan quickly rose and charged toward the mecha. The mecha began to rise, but the titan did not let it. He swung his fist again, this time connecting with the mecha's head. The mecha lurched up and back, landing at the very edge of the cliff.

 

"While he is under our protection," the titan rumbled, "you... won't... touch him." With a simple push, the titan sent the mecha's upper body over the edge, its weight dragging the rest of it's body with it.

 

"I hate it when people do my job." said the newcomer.

 

Arcanios tightened his grip on the massive, multifunctional axe in his hands.

 

"You knew it?" asked Arcanios.

 

The enigma warrior glanced down at the broken pieces of the mecha.

 

"In a way-it was hunting me. Oh, I apologize, I am Crase. I am an outlaw, and an enemy you'd regret having." Crase answered.

 

"Well, 'Crase'-" Arcanios and Virgil both took a threatening step closer, "-I am an enemy you won't have enough time left to regret having."

 

**********

 

 

Crase smiled and moved back a bit nonchalantly. In reality, his heart was hammering, and beads of sweat were already forming on his forehead. "Well, I have to go...," he said, as he secretly began to use his power to bend minds...

 

And then Crase was standing before a volcano, wild and untamed, roaring and blazing like a demon. Lava sprayed into his face, and he ducked at the last second, brain whirring madly. What kind of mind was this?

 

Fiery bombs rained out of the volcano, raining down around him, as an ash storm was expelled from its crater. Lava poured out of the erupting volcano, waves of heat coming out of its crater. Crase gasped in surprise. Normally, the minds of people were somewhat chaotic. After all, they were only human. But this one...This one was chaos incarnate.

 

Crase did his best not to scream. He strained, and willed himself to disconnect from that chaotic mess. When everything returned to normal, Crase found himself on one knee, the energy drained from his body.

 

The titan shook his head. "What was that?"

 

Crase rose slowly and painfully. That was a very good question, and though he had no answer, he knew that whatever it was had almost broken his mind.

 

Then, he decided, was the time to try a different approach.

 

"Excuse that, I get...chronic headaches." he said, grinning.

 

"Are they that bad?" asked Arcanios suspiciously.

 

"When you hang around the kind of people I do, the smallest things-" he slowly slid a small hatchet from his pocket "-become your worst problems."

 

With that, he surged forward, hitting Arcanios in the chest with the hatchet, grabbing Kevin, and triggering the rockets on his boots.

 

**********

 

Kevin tried to stretch, but a strong arm prevented it. He opened his eyes again and discovered a disturbing fact: He was in the air.

 

**********

 

 

Crase looked back, and saw a flying wolf! The wolf of Arcanios had grown wings and was flying toward them.

 

Virgil snarled as he flew closer to Crase, snapping at the human. Unfortunately for the wolf, Crase had a bite of his own. Whirling, the human drew back his hatchet and cracked the canine on the head. The effect of the surprise attack was immediate. Hovering for a second, the wolf stopped snapping, then fell as his eyes closed.

 

"Virgil!" The titan, whom Crase could see had been largely unaffected by the attack, only a slight dent in his armor, rushed forward, catching his friend in his arms. Crase grinned. He had just immobilized his opposition, and with only one blow, too.

 

Taking a last second to look back and stick out his tongue at the others, Crase flew off, carrying Kevin to his hideout. The stunned Kevin could only watch as darkness fell and the two figures-the titan and his wolf-gradually disappeared.

 

So, with these changes, it looks like this. I also excluded the sentence where Kevin tries to get up per KNI's request and the its general feeling, as we stated. Anything else, guys? I don't really see what else we could change...

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*Incoming Transmission*

 

It looks fine, except you left in the "he" that I had left in there, and you used "it's" instead of "its," uh, somewhere. But yeah, I don't think there is much else that could be changed.

 

*End Transmission*

Link to comment
*Incoming Transmission*

 

It looks fine, except you left in the "he" that I had left in there, and you used "it's" instead of "its," uh, somewhere. But yeah, I don't think there is much else that could be changed.

 

*End Transmission*

 

Okey, edited those things.

 

Now, what should we call it?

 

And, also, I think this should be somewhat of a prelude to our epic, if we write one. Does anyone agree?

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*Incoming Transmission*

 

Unfortunately, naming stories is something I stink at. As for the epic thing, well, I'm not even quite sure I want to do an epic. I mean, if you guys decide to do it, I'll do it, no problem. It's just it wouldn't be my first choice.

 

*End Transmission*

Link to comment
*Incoming Transmission*

 

Unfortunately, naming stories is something I stink at. As for the epic thing, well, I'm not even quite sure I want to do an epic. I mean, if you guys decide to do it, I'll do it, no problem. It's just it wouldn't be my first choice.

 

*End Transmission*

 

Heh, that's okay.

 

Well, I guess not. I mean, I have a lot of other projects as well. But if KNI wishes, then I will.

 

:tohu: How about "Conspicious"? :tohu:

 

Huh, maybe. I'm thinking about it meself, and I figure that we might as well give it a Latin name, though I'm not sure what. Possibly something to do with Justitia (Justice)?

Link to comment
*Incoming Transmission*

 

Unfortunately, naming stories is something I stink at. As for the epic thing, well, I'm not even quite sure I want to do an epic. I mean, if you guys decide to do it, I'll do it, no problem. It's just it wouldn't be my first choice.

 

*End Transmission*

 

Heh, that's okay.

 

Well, I guess not. I mean, I have a lot of other projects as well. But if KNI wishes, then I will.

 

:tohu: How about "Conspicious"? :tohu:

 

Huh, maybe. I'm thinking about it meself, and I figure that we might as well give it a Latin name, though I'm not sure what. Possibly something to do with Justitia (Justice)?

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