Regarding my current position on my orientation, it seems like a funny one to me. I'm still new to gender studies here, so this will be fun trying to explain.

Demisexual- demi meaning "half" it's considered halfway between asexual and sexual.

In gender studies, there are two forms of sexual attraction, one being primary sexual attraction (outward appearances, personality, etc) and secondary sexual attraction (emotional connection that grows over time).

I generally don't get primary sexual attraction. Like, I can admit a woman or a man is cute and all, but only to an extent. I've had cuddles and puppy piles with friends before, but nothing too much beyond hugs (I have been told I am an excellent hugger by lots of people) and small pecks on the cheek (and this is consentual. I totally respect boundaries and affectionate stuff isn't for everyone. I also like mimicing people and miming. I think that got me interested in Ballet to a point. Princess Tutu is awesome. XD)

However, as for forming a personal relationship on a romantic level, it's just never happened. I always value friendship more for some reason, and when there was a chance to form one (I have had opportunities with both sexes in the past at one point or another); then I always found some reason not to pursue one. I believe I have said before that I had crushes on girls until I hit highschool. Well, during highschool there were a few crushes on girls, and they had limits, but now that I'm thinking more clearly lately, I also realize that the crushes on guys also had the same limits.

I'm really only attracted to people that I feel a close personal bond with. And that's not some form of nobility or something as childish; it's just how I tick.

I'm still a virgin, and honestly that just doesn't bug me in and of itself.

A relationship sounds nice and all, but uh... I'm kinda shy with that currently because I have met lots of friends who come to me with relationship issues and ask for advice. Which, you know, is weird, because I've never really had a romantic relationship. Crushes yes, people crushing on me (weirdly enough), yes, but it was never mutual and the timing was always off.

My timing is so weird, it is ridiculous.

So, this has all lead to me thinking there was something wrong with me because the society I grew up in was very much hetero-normative with religious ties to my family's culture. Getting out to the city was an eye-opener when I studied in Pittsburgh (very lovely down-town area and I loved walking outside at Point State Park where the rivers met). Lots of homosexual dudes in the Baking and Patisserie program and even one in the Culinary Program. Go figure.

I was always anxious about one thing or another (loved being on time for class right on the dot, and I can be very particular and nitpicky by nature. Turns out people like sentiment more than sensibility, though, so I've really needed to laugh everything off just to stay sane. This makes the bad times so much harder to deal with alone, and uh... I kinda always hate being totally ignored, so like, please never feel guilty with me. As upset as I get, I tend to come around with a well-meaning apology or after I've had some time to breathe).

So, that's where my irreverent sense of humor comes from, and it has to do with why I get very, very upset easily. And... yeah, it's a work in progress and everything, but I think I'm through the worst of it for now.

I'm pretty sure I caught a bug that's been going around here lately, and it was making me feel pretty feverish. Blegh... Can't catch a break...