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Life Problems and a Love Letter to BZP

Cyrix

Entry posted by Cyrix

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Ever feel like despite everything you do, you just can't get control over life?

 

The past few months (two months, really) have been awful, to say the least. Just as I get a handle on having a good group of close friends and being confident in myself, senior year hits me like a wall. AP classes and college apps are pushing me to my breaking point, and it's been really hard. My self-esteem issues that I thought I had banished to the recesses of my mind have flared up something nasty again. I've talked to people and I'm thinking of seeing a therapist, but I'm still in the process of talking to my parents about that and, on top of that, there just isn't enough time. It seems that at every turn I either need to get my grades up (since when did we start thinking that B+s are bad? Especially in rigorous courses?) or do college essays or applications, and each bit of progress I make on either seems to be immediately knocked down by the sheer amount of work I need to do on both. I fluctuate between my light-hearted, pun-loving self and a sadder, pained one that does nothing but worry and work to close to no avail.

 

Look, I've been on BZP for more than 9 years and I never made much of an impact on the community. I never really connected with many people here, save for a few a couple of years ago and of them all I seem to be the only one who actually looks at this site anymore. So I realize that me venting my problems out doesn't mean much to most of you, but it helps. Yeah I can talk to people I know IRL, and that is incredibly therapeutic (note: talking to people who love you about things that trouble you is one of the best actions to take in a myriad of ways, if you don't usually do this please do so) but something draws me back here to vent occasionally. I think it's the fact that despite maybe not being the most involved, I know that this is a community of people that are caring, compassionate, and understanding, despite the blog wars and whatnot that tend to say otherwise. Plus, I've learned a lot here about being tolerant towards all people regardless of their background or identity, and maybe a little bit about life as a whole. BZP has played a part in me becoming someone that I admire and that I love, and for that I owe you.

 

I may not know you too well, despite having known you for a while, but I can't thank you enough, BZP.

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-Windrider-

As someone whose job is to ensure that BZPower be a safe space, it's good to see that you recognize that you can turn to the community for support, even if you don't feel you're one of the more established members.

 

And, I may be too far removed from my own senior year and from college applications to be able to empathize, but I recognize the feelings of stress and of being overwhelmed. I do have a lot of experience with therapy, and it has been indispensable for me, so if you have questions or concerns about that process, feel free to PM me.

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Zatth

Same as Wind: I can't speak to your experience, but I did attend a school where overachieving was the norm, where having taken less than 8 AP classes made you beneath the students, and not applying to at least two Ivy Leagues (and hoping to get in) made you a source of contempt. If you need to vent, to talk, to see cute cat videos or pictures (I have an entire Google Doc devoted to those), let me know. BZP has helped to shape a lot of us, and I know we'd be more than glad to help one of our own when Life gets tough, as it tends to do.

We're here for you, for whatever you need :)

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fishers64

Yeah, at some point, life feels like it's going to overwhelm you and you want to give up. All you want to do is think for five seconds, but there's another task. And then another. 

 

I think actually being in college was rougher than the applications and the AP classes I took before college, but that's just how things worked out for me. 

 

In any case, I'm happy that you still feel you can talk with us. :)

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xccj

I dunno, your character was / is one of my favorite to write about in my story.  :D

 

Hang in there!  I know a lot of people somehow expect the last year of high school to be a breeze, but I remember mine was tough.  Hopefully it'll be worth it in the end.  :)

 

:music:

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Cyrix

Unfortunately I can't reply to you all individually right now, but honestly thanks so much. The empathy and support from you guys certainly means a lot, and I really, truly appreciate it. :)

 

but tbh spirit wins best comment 8/8

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