Celebrating my 23rd Birthday by Rambling

Entry posted by Zox Tomana February 12, 2016

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I celebrated my 23rd birthday yesterday (the 11th) quietly. And by "quietly" I mean I hardly left my apartment, ate lentil soup and cornbread for dinner, played some Zelda, watched some YouTube, and generally didn't really do anything at all. I fielded some texts and a phone call wishing me happy birthday, washed some jeans so I could pack for the weekend, and drank rootbeer. Exciting.

Do I get to have a little rant on my birthday? Caution: been having thoughts about stuff from back in college relating to honor. Your mileage may vary on agreement with anything I say below.

[Pre-Publishing Edit: I think I'll put what turned into a long ramble in tags. Read if you will.]

"Rambles Follow

During my tenure in the Singing Cadets I entered the group as a "buffo." A buffo is a novice member of the group and is subordinate in every way to the full members: the Old Men. A buffo does all the setting up, tearing down, loading and unloading, etc. required for the group to move around and function on a practical basis (the Old Men took care of the administrative functions). A buffo has no first name and can not say and variation of the words "all aboard," "break," "rest," "push" and "get up." Therefore I was buffo [redacted] and I "A.A.'d," "shattered," "quieted," "shoved," "woke up," ate "morning meal," hit the "decelerators," . . . perhaps you get the picture. But the other significant thing I did was a process called "Key" in which I had to do several assignments in "campusology." In normal terms: I learned about the history and traditions of Texas A&M as well as the history and traditions peculiar to the Singing Cadets. The assignment that prodded my mind the most was the assignment about "Honor," one of the four pillars of the Singing Cadets. (funny thing, by the way, the four pillars are Purpose, Unity, Spirit, and Honor: P.U.S.H)

The assignment involved a trip to the "Quad," the quadrangle of buildings around a common space where the members of the Corps of Cadets live. At the front of the quad is a series of arches with plaques proclaiming "Return With Honor." I was to take a rubbing of the plaque and return to the Old Man who had given me the assignment and explain several things about the phrase. When I later became an Old Man I took this assignment as my own and held onto it for three years because of how important I saw the assignment to be.

The basics of the assignment came in two parts: what does "Honor" mean and what does the phrase "Return With Honor" mean?

Hear is how my answer ended up after years of giving and responding to the assignment.

Honor is something we display to others and something we hold ourselves to. It is a code of conduct, and a means of self-estimation. It is also something we receive from other and are judged by. A measure of approval and trust. While not a tangible item, it can be lost easily, and can be very difficult to gain. It is not merely respect, though respect is very involved. Our honor is the dignity to which we hold ourselves, which is shown by treating the people around us with dignity and respect. It is always two-sided that way, and originates in us.

So, the big question: what does it mean to "Return with Honor"? Based on the previous paragraph, it means that you are to come back to where you are with the ability to look back and say "I treated everyone I met with dignity and respect, and acted in accordance to the values and virtues I hold dear." But it is also a command to set out with the intention to do that at the get-go. It is not enough to come back and say "Looking back, I maintained my honor." You must go out saying "I will maintain honor in my dealings with all."

A further reflection, though, allows us to extend the concept. At A&M, the Cadets are known as the Keepers of the Spirit and the guardians of Aggie Tradition. They are possibly the most visible representatives of Texas A&M among the students. Therefore, when they are told to "Return With Honor," they aren't just being told to uphold and maintain their own honor, but also that of the Corps, and of the University. When I was in the Singing Cadets, I represented the group to people at A&M. A&M to people throughout Texas. I represented A&M and Texas to people in other States. And for 10 days I represented A&M, Texas, and the United States to the peoples of China. I always made sure to tell the new buffo that they were responsible for maintaining not only their own honor, but the honor of the group, of the University, of the State, and of the Nation. Perhaps a little megalomanic, but I think it is on point. To Return with Honor is not to simply come back and say "I kept my honor intact," but to go out and return having kept safe your honor, the honor of those around you, and the honor of those groups to which you belong.

There was something that reminded me of all these things, but it isn't fit for description here. The thought that it inspired in me, though, is that sometimes you need to be willing to risk being hurt. Treating someone, and yourself, with honor and dignity is not always easy to do. Holding to your values can be risky. There is so much in the generation to which I was born about avoiding pain, and being creative in keeping yourself from being hurt. A lot of these ways, I feel, fall short when it comes to honor. Instead of hurting, I can cut a corner here or there in my values. Instead of feeling pain or risking feeling pain, I can avoid treating a situation with the seriousness, dignity, and commitment required. There are so many pains that should be alleviated, must be alleviated, and that are terrible blights upon the world, but that are also many that sometimes must be felt. Or, at least, risked. When we avoid those pains, we can do damage to the honor of ourselves and (more importantly) of those around us. I have been told before that what I view as changes or shortcuts are simply part of the changing times or part of a cultural difference, but so many times this doesn't really hold up and this difference in values is brought forward (I feel) more as an excuse to avoid the fear of reproach, not in a genuine expression of that persons view of honor (or morality).

I should also make special note of the use of the word "Return." I've glanced over this point in the preceding paragraphs, but I'd like to make the thought explicit even if this repeats some sentiments. The phrase is "Return with Honor," not "Go With Honor." The implication is that you will be returning to the place you are leaving. You are expected to leave knowing what honor is and of being capable of maintaining it while you are away. You must have either arrived with such knowledge or learned there at that place so that you can go out from there with the capability of returning with honor. You may even have arrived with some knowledge and learned even more. Go out with not only the resolve to acquit yourself honorably, go out with the expectation that you will one day return here and look back to judge yourself.

A buffo once gave me a very good answer by making reference to the hometown and the family. He said that these are the places where values, beliefs, respect, and honor are (generally) first instilled in you. When you go out, you learn more. You grow. He posited the question, "Can you return with honor to your family and to your hometown?" In this case, the "Return" is not only a command to come back to the place where the command (with all its implications) was issued, but a command to return to the place where you came from before. Return having kept sacred the honor of your home. Indeed, the command in both cases (return here and return elsewhere) may imply that you are to bring honor back to those places. Go out, and return having won honor for your school, for your home, for yourself. Return here, return home, having acted in such a way that people look upon your family, your choir, your squad, and you with greater esteem.

Richard Coke, Texas Senator and Governor, was not a particularly honorable man I think. He stuck to his values, but students of history can easily look back on him and find that there is something to be desired. I think, however, in his advice the students of the then newly founded Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas he gave advice which could allow those students and us to be better people than he.

"Let your watchword be duty, and know no other talisman of success than labor. Let honor be your guiding star in your dealings with your superiors, your fellows, with all. Be as true to a trust reposed as the needle to the pole, stand by the right even to the sacrifice of life itself, and learn that death is preferable to dishonor."

There are some things more important than being comfortable throughout life, and things that feel good are not necessarily good thing. I have not been wholly honorable in my dealings with my fellows and superiors, and I regret that immensely. One day I will return to A&M, one day I will return to my home, and one day I will go somewhere else. I hope that on each of those days I can say I go, and return, with honor.

Ramble over. I need something for my wall now.

EDITED: Added in a couple paragraphs focusing in on the word "return."