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He.... Is.... Beowulf!


Doctor Norik

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WARNING! Entire plot details follow!

 

beowulf_poster.jpg

 

Gee, it's been a while since I've done a movie review. Ah, well. Here goes.

 

Title: Beowulf

Rating: PG13

Summary: This drunk guy builds a place, and this mutant fish-demon thinks everyone's too loud, so he goes and kills everyone, and then Beowulf shows up and totally owns, and he cuts off his arm, then he goes to that thing's mom who's actually really hot, but she killed a bunch of guys and hung them from the cieling, so then Beowulf wants to kill her but then they start to make out, and then the king kills himself, so then Beowulf's king, and he's really old, and this guy finds a thing, and he brings it to Beowulf, and he's all like "Woah" and the guy's like "Don't kill me!" and Beowulf's like "Where'd ya find this?" and the guy's like "Over in that place!" and Beowulf's like "Duuuuuuude", so he goes to the place where he made out with Angelina Joeli, but there's a dragon, and it attacks him, so he stabs the dragon, and the dragon's dying, but Beowulf needs to cut the dragon's heart, so he cuts off his own arm, and crushes the dragon's heart, so then Wiglaf is king, because Beowulf is dead, and the dragon was his son, and the wierd monster in the beginning was the other king's son, and then Angelina Joeli wants to make out with Wiglaf, and oh yeah, in the beginning, Beowulf kills a bunch of sea monsters and makes out with a mermaid.

NP's Review: 100% AWESOME! Wierd effects but still AWESOME!

13 Comments


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Nice review.

Did you have to read Beowulf for english class? I did, and it stunk, but this movie looks amazing.

 

Corrections: Beowulf shouldn't cut of Grendel's arm.

Beowulf almost immediately grabs a magical battle ax from Miss Grendel's wall and kills her.

And something about the dragon, but yeah, Beowulf dies.

 

Still, fun review!

 

-CF

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I have to read the book before I see the movie. D: Isn't the movie almost nothing like the book, except they both happen to have a character named Beowulf in it?

 

OH YEAH, did you see the Cloverfield trailer?

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Cloverfield shall be awesome. Did you see the Eye preview? That scared me. When the dead thing jumps out at the end of the preview, y'know, from behind the door, all my friends jumped.

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