Tooth Fairy Rejection Letter

Tiny, Crunchy, Dried Rose Leaves That Are Often Used For Perfume-age

Entry posted by CM Kornbluth December 31, 2008

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Dear <insert child's name here>:

Thank you for leaving ____ tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

____ the tooth could not be found

____ it was not a human tooth

____ we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny

____ we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor

____ the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash

____ the tooth did not originally belong to you

____ the tooth fairy does not process fingernails

____ your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action

____ you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy

____ you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received

____ the tooth is still in your mouth

____ the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit

____ no night light was on at the time of our visit

____ the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing

____ we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:

[ ] string
[ ] pliers
[ ] gunpowder
[ ] hammer marks
[ ] chisel
[ ] no dental care

____ other:

Instead of the usual redemption, we have provided the following discount certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,
The Tooth Fairy