The Worst Movie Ever

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Entry posted by Vezok's Friend July 14, 2009

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A 1997 movie called Airboss.

I was at first intrigued by the plot. Terrorists stealing a prototype MiG stealth-fighterjet and the USAF cleans up the mess? Potentially awesome.

I should have been more aware that I got that DVD in a "4 for 5 bucks" deal and to faintly hope for a good B-movie in the action category was delusional to begin with.

So here's the story: Terrorists break into a military facility to capture said super-duper stealth-fighter. Except, "military facility" must be translated with "shabby warehouse" and "super-duper stalthplane" with "something vaguely plane-shaped under a piece of cloth.

So aparrently new stealth plains are hidden in warehouses. Interesting.

Afte the plane-theft we are introduced to our hero. A Navy flight instructor blaming himself for the death of a young pilot-learner. What really happened that she died in a planecrash I dunno, but he blames himself. Let's leave it at that. Then the man is called back into active duty by an old pal because of the new stealth plane on the loose.

Our pilot-ace is sent to fly recon over the middle-east to find the terrorists base and is promptly shot down by our ghost-jet over the desert, which, first seen in action, is far from being a) stealthy, b)new, c)Russian. Actually they used stock-film-material from an American F15.

At that point I abandoned all hope.

Captured the hero is taken to the terrorist base, which oddly looks like a set of an medieval castle. Oh well, guess they had those too in the middle-east.

The top-terrorist closest assosciate, a pretty blonde woman immediately falls for the captured pilot after seeing him chained in a cell and immediately helps him escape from the base, which is guarded by only one person.

They run from the base, outrunning the jeeps in pursuit, which can be taken out by one salve of fire from a cosmic magazine Ak47.

Let's look back: Pilotace was shot down over the middle of the desert. Desert. In the escape, it takes them 5 minutes on foot to reach the seashore. Must be one heck of a small desert then.

Just as our pilots sergeant (who didn't like the hero in the beginning) comes in a helicopter to pull them out, blonde woman and him decide to fall in love.

Anyway, now the heroes must find the topterrorist. After an incredibly stupid tank-battle the bad guy hops into his non-stealthy stealth plane to flee the scene.

Pilotace steals another plane in the hangar, which would be a Mig or Sukhoi, since we are in former soviet union states. But no, the plane is an american F4 Phantom.

Next comes the dogfight showdown, which is resolved by the hero thinking: "Oh since I can't see the bogeyman, I bet he is right behind me now, so I'll release a bit of fuel which will blind him and make his plane explode. Anybody wondering how that might work: Don't bother, this is a bad C-Movie after all!

And now my favourite part: Our hero stole a Mig, which was an F4 Phantom. Now it suddenly changes colour in midair: to a bright red special livery. Isn't that snazzy for a victorious fighter-pilot. But the incosistency doesn't end, oh no. He returns of course, back to the aircraft carrier, but the plane landing is neither the grey F4 he stole nor the bright red F4 he flew there: It's an F14 Tomcat.

So, it doesn't really get worse then this. It's a bit like a Michael Bay movie, except without the sponsoring by the military and the spiffy effects and the actually good actors.