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Oniaku

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Year 08

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  1. Thank you, it's good to hear I'm doing well, and yes, grammar usage is not a very strong point for me.
  2. A ruined Protodermis Statue stood watch over the area. This Protodermis Goliath, slowly crumbling to the earth. Its visage unrecognizable, it's solemn watch deteriorating. Viewing this desolation and ruin was my purpose I made my way to the Vahki hive. The few Visorak ignored me, I am not their to them. Their spindly legs moving easily through the rubble of the old Vahki hive. The Vahki's decayed mechanical bodies lied limp, having been shut off on patrol. The Visorak's webs covered their bodies, allowing little room for truly recognizable parts. A single cold eye stares up at me, the Vahki's other eye completely shattered. It's silence seems consuming, rather than decaying. A group of three Visorak meander their way through the rubble and ruin. They are among the last left, the last of a migrating species, recently relieved of their rulers. A chance that should never have happened, but as they pass, they jostle a control panel. There is a slow creaking as old systems, unused in years, come back to life. There is a screech as a gear sticks, and it momentarily comes to a halt. A clunk, and the turning truly starts, the webs being pulled apart, the gears turning anew. There is clicking, and the pods around me begin to open. It takes a moment, a moment that feels longer than it is, but the eyes slowly begin to glow. A much dimmer glow than it once was, and broken by cracks and chips. A Vahki pulls itself out of its pod, its left arm falling off as it does so. All around me, the once silent guardians begin to rise. As they all slowly stand, not only here, but across the entire city, the old programs take a while to become active. The Vahki stand motionless for what seems to be many minutes, as their programs begin to activate. As they activate, their eyes lock onto the Visorak, instantly recognizing a threat, moving out in battalions to combat the perceived threat. There is clanking, and the Vahki begin their march, unable to run anymore. Missing limbs are seen anywhere. Most Vahki are limping, a few are completely unable to walk, attempting to pull themselves across the ground towards the threat that has presented itself. Some tumble over and shut off, the last of their meager existence spent. The noises begin to alert the Visorak, and suddenly, the Vahki begin to truly come to life, moving faster, rushing at the somewhat perplexed Visorak. The Visorak screech, running towards the force of Vahki, pincers clanking together. It is a slaughter. A mad slaughter. The Visorak stood no chance against a force so overwhelming. Many Vahki are also slaughtered, but they number so greatly that the numbers are almost unnoticed. I breeze through the streets, watching the carnage unfold. There were two or three misshapen, broken Vahki to every Visorak they fought. I watched a certain fight, between a Vohtarak Visorak and three Kheerahk. The Visorak threw them off, attempting to get away, but was quickly attacked by a Kranua that had shifted its body to sand underneath the Visorak. It was smashed back to the ground by the Kranua, and tackled by the three Kheerahk Vahki. This was the sort of carnage happening across the entire city. It didn't take long, only a few hours, but the Vahki had taken back the city. They stood up straight, if they could, and marched as units to their respective metrus, most limped, some made their way without their back legs, slowly following with only their forelegs. I breezed along, watching as they resumed their patrols, resuming their slow march around Metru Nui... I found my way back to my body, and ended my walk outside. But I didn't forget what I had seen, and one day, I went back. I went back, and at first, the city seemed silent, but slowly, slowly, I heard a noise. Krisssshhh. Clank. Krisssshhh. Clank. Krisssshhh. Clank. Slowly a Vahki came into view. It was dragging its leg, causing the sound I had hear. The patrol had resumed their march, and continued the job they had once had, in spite of the Matoran that they no longer had. A quiet, eternal patrol, in a ruined dream of a city.
  3. Alot of concurrence with the guy above me, good job Kakaru
  4. Okay, thank you for that feedback. As for the isolation thing, that was more toward the island than the city. The island is cut off from most communication with the outside.And thank you for the spelling corrections, I am terrible at spelling Disappointing. And yes, there will be more on the city, I just have to get it into the story, without breaking the main flow.Anyway, in regards to the watcher's equipment: The city has been there a long time.And I will be sure to fix the link problem.
  5. Oniaku

    Daybreak Flower

    Link to the review: http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=7415&hl="The Island of Ornak Nui was noteworthy for many things, but most importantly perhaps, it was known for its solitude." -DerilethI looked down at the ground from up in my tree, watching for any Rahi that might wander too close to the City. As a Watcher, that was my Job. Work like that had been delegated to the most able of the Matoran. I had heard tell of other places, where mighty heroes performed these duties, but as with all such nonsense, I attributed them to the wishes of the hopeless.I sat in my tree for hours, keeping a steady watch. It was an uneventful day, tot say the least. As my shift ended, I slid down the tree and headed back into the City. It had no name, it didn't need one, since it was the only Matoran-inhabited place on the island. A few people nodded in respect to me, recognizing me as a watcher. Watchers were well liked, greatly respected, and well paid. Of course, there was always the off chance a stray rahi might kill us, but the probability was pretty low.I walked into the Watchers Department, and handed in my various supplies: Rope, a couple of crude staff-like weapons, and thorn-spikes, just to name a few."Oniaku!" The shout came from the corner, where a Blue female Matoran was standing. I turned to face her, and waved. "Oniaku, come on! I have something to show you!" I gazed down quickly at my disappointing shade of green, and slowly walked out behind her."So what fantastical sort of thing is it this time, Andalla?" I asked, only somewhat sarcastic."A strange rock I found out in the woods!" She was practically bouncing."Alright, alright, let's see this stone.""Nope, it's at home, you got to wait!" She ran on ahead of me, working her way to the inner part of the City, the sector more commonly known as the slums.
  6. Okay, so this is the review topic for my story: Daybreak Flower, post any criticisms or such thinks here for me, please.Here is the link to the actual story: http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=7416&hl=
  7. WAIT WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE KARKAT OR SOMETHING

  8. I plan to go as Sollux Captor (from Homestuck)We'll see how this goes.
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