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Chapter One - And you're sure about this... right? Oh don't worry, it'll be fine! Look, I REALLY Do not want to start writing again. You know what? I'm not even sure I want to be ASSOCIATED with you, you crazy person! See, Karl, What would Bill Murray do in a situation like this? Repeat it over and over in a never ending loop? That's right. Now Get in there, and wow the Forums! At least, that's what would have happened, had BZPower not been down for so long. My name is Karl. Karl Reynold McBoom. The Seventh, to be precise. And my life is totally messed up. My story - believe me, it's a doozy - is quite long, but the laughs are abundant, maybe spread apart, but abundant none-the-less. My story, like most good stories, began many years ago, in the distant land of - you guessed it - TORONTO. What, too exciting? Okay, FINE. to make it easier on your poor souls, I'll say a cold little town in a state called - MICHIGAN. Now, unlike most good stories, this began with 47 pieces of plastic. Now, I was young, stupid, and quite easily excited at that time. So if someone came up to you, offering the adventure of a LIFETIME - which-actually-ended-up-in-me-losing-my-credit-card-due-to-a-supreme-diety - You MIGHT want to accept it. If such a thing happens, I suggest you turn around, and alert the nearest force of authority. If none is readily available, I suggest you then turn - scream - and run away like crazy. BUT as I was saying, I was young, stupid, and easily excited. So I accepted it. Now before you go off flagging this topic as un-related - just wait, I'm getting there. See, this man, was what most people would call a dirty, good-for-nothing scoundrel. I called him Dad. Now see, my father had an interesting job. He made things COME TO LIFE. Okay, maybe this is stretching it a bit. He actually was a toothpaste capper. Now, Before you think this story is going to involve Golden Tickets and Johnny Depp - Wait a bit more. My Father said to me - 'Son - Do you want to go on an adventure of a lifetime?' 'Why of COURSE, Dad' 'Well - Here you go.' And he handed me a piece of paper. 'What am I supposed to do with THIS?' I asked my Father. 'Eat it. Go to sleep.' He replied. So, since I was a good little boy who does what his father said, I ate the paper, and went to bed. But only for about 2 hours. I awoke to the strangest of sounds, if you would believe it - The sounds of talking. I opened my eyes - but no one was there! As I reached for my phone (Yes, I knew who I was gonna call.) My hand instead closed around a body. "Egads! What is this strange beast who enclosed my body in his hands!" I heard a voice shout. Suddenly, my hand felt really cold, so I dropped it. As it landed, I heard it make a noise like - "Oof! Thank the Great Beings it Unhanded me!" Now, of course, I was kind of weirded out now. So I turned on the light and looked at the thing. What I saw made me think I was mental. It was one of my Lego Bricks. Toa Nuju, to be precise. I was freaked out. "Oh, so that's what you look like." Nuju said to me. "Pity. I hoped for someone more... eh... well... more... oh I don't know... Smart?" "What on EARTH do you mean by that?" I asked. This was more than a little weird. "Oh I don't know, maybe just I had hoped you'd be a bit, well... well dressed." Nuju replied. "I'm in my bloody pajamas! I doubt ANY one would be WELL DRESSED in their PAJAMAS." I replied. Looking back, I now see how foolish I must have looked, shouting at a toy. "Oh PUHLEEZE. I haven't changed my armor since 2004!" Nuju shouted. "Okay, that's nasty." I replied. "Talk-Tell me about it. Also he weep-cries when he sleeps." Said a voice behind me. Nuju Sputtered. "T-That is Not True!" He shouted. "Oh please, you Quick-Know it is." Matau jumped down beside me. "I'll -I'll I'll make you pay, Matau!" Nuju shouted with rage. "Go back to your Nerd-Closet!" Matau sneered. Nuju ran away crying. I stood, completely flabbergasted. "Was that really necessary, Matau?" I asked. "As necessary as Sun-Bright!" Matau made a heroic pose as he said this. We now continue the story three years later, within those years, nothing important happened (Except for a singing competition, An Incident with the Kool-Aid Man, getting married, facing an evil doppelganger, and a nuclear missile) But now the real interesting stuff happens. "I can't STAND IT ANYMORE!" I shouted from the top of my lungs. "I am SICK AND TIRED OF YOU SICK CREATURES RUINING MY LIFE!" "But- But- I made you a cookie!" Kopaka began to cry. "And I made you a cake!" Shouted Tahu (Who, by the way, was sitting on the couch playing through 'Half Life 2' for the Thirtieth time) "No you didn't, Tahu! Shut up! Karl, the Cake is OBVIOUSLY a lie!" Kopaka Pleaded. "Look will both of you GIVE IT A REST? I'M NOT HUNGRY!" I shouted. "Oh. You're not?" Kopaka was dumbstruck. "Yes! I'm Not!" I shouted. "Well there goes that plan..." Kopaka sighed. "Plan for what?" I asked. "Plan for an interesting sub-plot, of course." Kopaka replied. "Kopaka... How in the WORLD - could a non-existent COOKIE - Make a BLOODY INTERESTING SUB-PLOT?!?!" I shouted. "Well, you see it would go like this -" "I DON'T CARE!!! Go play in the garbage disposal, or something." I turned away. "Okay... See you later Karl!" Kopaka replied and skipped away to the kitchen sink. "...Kopaka... Don't... Don't ACTUALLY play in the Garbage Disposal!" I shouted. "Oh, he is?" Tahu asked. "Yes, I think he is." I said. "Well, Whatever." Tahu said as he went back to slaying Antlions. "Whatever." I said. Just then, my older sister, Pad, entered the room. My sister is very sarcastic, like most older sisters. "What, did you tell another one of your "Plastic Buddies" to go jump into a Garbage Disposal?" Pad asked. "Actually I-" I began. "Nonono. I don't want to hear it. I'm just gonna go play Kinectirahi on the Kinect, if you don't mind." "Actually I-" I began, again. "Thanks!" Pad said, as she pushed Tahu off the couch. I sat down, dumbfounded. "Theres NOTHING EXCITING HERE ANYMORE!!! WHY DID YOU ABANDON ME, GS'S??" I shouted, to nothing. ZionDude, My Arch-Rival, popped up around the corner. "Actually, They didn't! You just forgot to include them - AGAIN." Karl stared at ZionDude, then back at the ground. "Shut up ZionDude... Go back to your cave." ZionDude happily obliged, as he just went right back to playing Minecraft. I took this breif moment to think about my life. Sure, there have been some rocky moments before, like when I got hit by a Freight Train, Or when my friend dropped a Cruise Liner on my head... Or even when I got teleported to an alternate dimension and got married, but that's all over now. OR even when - Maybe I should stop with the Reminescing. It's making my wounds hurt again.
