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So just a few nights ago I believe I may have turned into some kind of evil gnome. It was pretty late, so I was already a little loopy, and I had nothing at all to read. So I asked by brother if he had anyhting I could borrow. But when he gave me the book I just felt this rush of happiness and basicly became an evil little gnome doing an evil gnome dance. In retrospect the look on his face was hilarious.
It’s a brand new day, and the evil Doctor Drake, notorious holder of a Ph. D in Matoran-era history, walks up to the general bulletin board in the center of New Atero, armed with his trusty hammer, an extra large Skall knife, and a challenge painted in bright red letters. HISTORICAL CHARACTER RECLASSIFICATION NOTICE Character: Makuta Teridax Class: Honorable Hero (Challenges to this reclassification are invited to meet me in my office in twenty minutes) Doctor Drake Lawyer: That’s bad PR. You’ll be dead in twenty minutes. Doctor Drake: Not if I can prove it. (Twenty minutes later, the six Toa Nuva appear in the Doctor’s office, not withstanding Tahu, looking especially irritated, and Vezon, because he likes the Doctor for some reason not worth mentioning) Doctor Drake: You have come to answer my challenge? Tahu: Yes. Teridax was a murderer! Doctor Drake: Well, he murdered a bunch of Makuta who were rooting the minds of innocent Matoran in Kini Nui, and a few hundred Rahkshi that he created. Of course, that was to defeat the evil Voporak, so I’m willing to excuse his personal self sacrifice. Gali: Not to mention a boatload of Rahi and Matoran. Doctor: Which are not further infesting this planet, contributing to more than their share of problems for the native inhabitants. Tahu: Such as? Drake: Overpopulation, for one thing. Gali: How dare you! Teridax nearly killed the Great Spirit Mata Nui! That would have nicely solved your overpopulation problem, you scoundrel! Drake: He also waylaid the Barraki with his own attacks, allowing the valiant Toa Mahri to send Matoro to save Mata Nui’s life. Lewa: Just so he could take the robot over. Drake: Which allowed the Great Spirit to arrive here, and power up the hunks of junk in the desert, which further facilitated the restoration of this planet. Lawyer: You are insane. Drake: Excuse me? Lawyer: No, I was talking about him. (He points to Vezon, who is enthusiastically nodding along with everything Drake says) Onua: You forget that he caused needless pain and hardship for countless beings, not to mention unnecessary deaths. *looks at Gali* Vezon: I did? Onua: (Ignoring Vezon) He also is responsible for my fellow Toa’s …transformation…due to the insidious Rahkshi armies. Drake: In other words, he built up your character to lead the Matoran on this planet, to prepare you. I would expect nothing less from such a great leader. I am sure your final test – he gestured to Tahu – will further benefit you in ways unexpected. Vezon: Thank You. Pohatu: What are you trying to gain by this? Teridax is dead. Drake: It is not wise to speak ill of the dead. Vezon: I’m not dead! I’m not dead! Lawyer: We know. Tahu: For the sake of peace in our society, you are under arrest. Drake: I am simply a conscientious objector. You have no right to arrest me. Lawyer: And what point would that serve, other to create unnecessary hassles on my client, sir? Drake: Well, he is part Makuta. Vezon: I’m not dead. I mean, he’s not dead…wait… Pohatu: I think we need some time to think this over. Agreed? He looks around questioningly at the irritated Toa. One by one, they stomp out the door, Tahu smashing the threshold in raw fury. Vezon follows. A few seconds later, a Spiket cart charges past, nearly running over the Skakdi. At the last second, he flips out of the way. Vezon: I’m not dead! Drake: And neither am I. Lawyer: It’s a good thing I didn’t bet on that one. So who’s next on the list? Mata Nui? Drake smiles menacingly. Drake: No, pal. Remember, the Great Spirit is off limits. His flaws have already been categorized by the Authority on such matters. But as for the next challenge…that is for me to know, and you to not find out. He settles back in his chair, deep in thought. Doctor Drake sits up in his chair. fishers64: So you’re going to answer a few questions about this comedy. Drake: Isn’t that your job? Lawyer: It’s my job! I’m head of public relations! fishers64: Very well. The Lawyer will now answer questions relating to this comedy. Can I guest star in this comedy? Lawyer: It’s an extremely dangerous proposition, but you may enter the highly dangerous world of this comedy to defend your favorite character from the tyranny of the Doctor. While I would advise against this, opposite rules apply. You may choose to defend your favorite hero from being classified as a villain, or you may try to prove that villain is really out to destroy the world. How often will this comedy be updated? Lawyer: As soon as the Doctor can come up with a new challenge, which usually takes about a week. However, if a lot of people are attacking his positions, he usually tends to accelerate matters. (And for some reason, fall weather makes his mind slow down – I haven’t quite figured that out yet) Are there any specials planned for this comedy? Lawyer: That’s a question for our humanoid liaison. fishers64: Maybe if we get a lot of guest defenders for a particular character, we’ll do something special. Other than that… Doctor: That is for me to know, and you not to find out. fishers64: We have to tell them about K- *Doctor slaps hand over fishers64’s mouth* Okay! Okay! Fine, I guess that wasn’t part of the contract. Lawyer: No, it most certainly was not. fishers64: If you dare, join us next time on Spinning Doctor Drake! *looks at Doctor and the Lawyer* We’re all right…kinda.
Bionicle Web of ShadowsTheme: There are four themes to this movie:1. Pride goes before a fall; it doesn't pay to be overconfident2. It is best to consult with others to avoid walking into a trap (Matau)3. “I only lead those who choose to follow me. That’s the difference between being a leader, and a tyrant like you.”(Vakama)4. “Unity, Duty, Destiny. It starts with unity.” –Rahaga NorikThe directors tried to create a movie with multiple themes and universal application, much like Shakespeare or Crime and Punishment. What they got was a mess, completely incomprehensible. There is also what the characters interpret theme #1 to be, side themes that only apply to certain characters, and themes that are expressed that don’t even apply. One example of that is Rahaga Norik’s conversation with Vakama: “That is something you can’t change.” “Watch me.” And then Vakama does exactly what he says he would, except not quite in the way he imagined when he was talking to Norik. The key to defeating all the Visorak was having Vakama in charge of them and setting them free, which tatters a lot of the other themes stated above. If Vakama hadn’t done what he did, the whole story would fall apart, leaving any themes to the contrary with a giant hole in them.Main Character: MatauSurprised? Who is the first person who we see after the Toa land? Matau. Who is the guy who shows up after the transformation? That would be Matau. Who saves the day at the end, and practically hogs the camera the entire movie? Three guesses. This movie, unlike the other two, is told in third-person limited, with the camera jumping between Vakama and Matau. This nicely explains all of the other film’s peculiarities, like the other Toa practically not existing for most of the film, because in Matau’s mind, they don’t. We have just logged on to the All Matau, All the Time channel for most of the film – and now a word from our sponsor, Sidorak…which is portrayed precisely as Matau views him. That’s probably where the credit music came from, and the whole thing was a nightmare in Matau’s head. The best way to interpret this film as that, and consider the novel Web of Shadows (which was vastly better than the movie) as what really happened. * * * While I am on the subject of novels, I have to admit that this movie deviates the most from its movie novelization. This is just an opinion, not really an insight, but I think they should have told this story like they told LoMN, and included scenes from that epic Challege of Hordika Battle. The deviation on the chronology between book and movie is so bad that different reasons are cited for Vakama going out and betraying the others.Secondary Major Character: Vakama (duh!)While Vakama exhibits some of the characteristics of taking the lead again, and having to have the theme explained by Matau, which is usually the secondary character’s role, but because nothing is as it should be in this film, I’m just going to throw it out. Web of Shadows is vastly different from the other ones in almost every other respect, so why not this one? And I’ve already explain the whole Matau-as-main-character thing. The story is so sad, demented and messed up, that it even tears up any whiffs of theme and narrative structure. At least, any that make sense. Oh, and also we must establish that Vakama owns the world, even though he is chewed at the expense of the theme, but not really. We have gone back to the Fire-bashing of MoL, because it is easier.All that above nicely explains why nobody liked this movie: Vakama is beat up, nobody can get what the theme is, and nobody likes Matau. The End. Oh, wait, we still have to do the film.The Very First Scene · So we start off with a giant silver fingernail slicing into Makuta’s now red prison. Red, and thus fire, is on the Dark Side now, kiddies. This is supposed to tell us that Roodaka is our Makuta rep in this film, and unlike the previous two films, His Dark Lordness fails to put in an appearance. Also, it is a symbol of Roodaka’s damage to Vakama, harkening back to the Red Toa Rock in the last film, and basically saying that there is a Makuta trapped inside Vakama, which is a theme from 2005 that otherwise didn’t make it in this film – the darkness inside yourself, remember that? · Web of Shadows is a really strange title. It could refer to the actual physical web, or the web of deceit Roodaka spins around Vakama. The Visorak aren’t much more than Roodaka’s third arm. The name Visorak goes back to the sun-sheilding “visor”. They are a shield from the light, particularly the light of truth. That’s part of the reason we don’t see any visions in here, and it is their Hordika poison that keeps all those wonderful AI glitches from happening. Also, it might be important to note that Visorak and Vahki are enemies of Vakama, and it is kind of a giveaway that the Visorak end up being Vakama’s instruments. When you see a V, look for a connection: Vakama, Vahi, Voporak all have to do with time; Velika is a foil of Vezok and Vezon, (the guy who gives unexpected wisdom vs. the two crazy cool dudes, and the centrality of Voya Nui is likely the fulfillment of the prophecy given to Vakama in Time Trap, and it goes back to the “daggers of death” = enemies (like the enemies of Vakama). Not all beginning consonants are significant; M and T are overused so much that they worthless. But that is another topic altogether, and it is probably a list of funny coincidences. The Storm to the Fall · In case you haven’t interviewed Kongu lately, you know that all Toa of Air love water, especially wild, turbulent water. So, the perfect way to start off the Toa of Air’s worst nightmare is: a rainstorm, a crash, and having to be bailed out by Whenua. Keep in mind Matau is driving; that is important later. · Matau really doesn’t like wild animals either. Remember that the Toa’s base of operations in this whole sequence was Le-Metru: he probably doesn’t like his neighborhood being run over by it. · “We faced the Makuta and won. I doubt a bunch of crusty relics are going to give us much trouble, right?” The ultimate statement of pride, but it is pretty stupid since the Visorak aren’t “crusty relics”. And Matau’s comment about walking into a trap doesn’t really make sense, since they walked about two hundred feet onto the island, only to get nailed. Our Main Character is already espousing themes that don’t make since, and we are only a few minutes in. As Nokama would say later, “This is not Vakama’s fault.” Well, it wasn’t. · Introducing the picture of overconfidence who conveniently gets killed at the end: Sidorak. The pride-goes-before-a-fall theme is rather pervasive – this movie attacks self-reliance and independent action. Lego failed to consider its audience, a lot of people who believe in independent creativity. This movie is almost anti-Lego. · You’ll notice that the Champion Complainer Onewa’s mouth is muffled by the web, a slight against his personality. · Also, if you go by the books, Nokama is a foil of Roodaka. Her dialogue in this movie is a lot like she has lost Vakama to Roodaka. (there is a lot of bad romantic connotations in this film, too) Roodaka is a little friendly towards Makuta; and we know how Matau feels about Nokama, so the movie is a complete shipper’s paradise. · The fall scene: Like the two movies that repeat stuff at the beginning and the end, this repeats the fall itself. · “I can’t just change” says Vakama, and then he does, turning into Hordika. · Most of Matau being the Main character comes from the fact that Greg wanted Matau to betray the others, not Vakama. In that situation, Vakama would probably fight Matau to get him back using his zen persuasive skills which he doesn’t have. (that’s Nokama’s and Roodaka’s domain) Switch the roles, and you get WoS, with Matau pushing Vakama over the edge, Matau relizing his awful mistake, learning some hard lessons and trying to convince Vakama that he’s changed. That’s why that keeps getting brought up. · The fall is a representation of the Toa’s fall from glory into ugliness. Roodaka and Sidorak, our examples of pride and conniving disunity, observe. Nokama is the last to fall, indicating that there is still some good left in her. (one of the best music sequences ever). Vakama’s leaving, the Great Temple, and Roodaka. · Before you dis the Rahaga’s propellers, it’s a symbol. The Toa are the lead weight, indicating that darkness within theme again. The Rahaga have not been weighted down or have fallen from glory, and they can move up and down the range from nobility to foolishness with ease. Height is a prime symbol…overcoming darkness moves you up in height, which is why all the protagonists fly or climb up at the end. The Rahaga can already go up there, but they have come down to the Toa’s level to help them. · Roodaka magically gets a huge Makuta Rock in her private chambers. Even though the tiny heartstone had to be painfully cut from the Makuta prison, a giant Makuta communication stone can easily be bought in Vortixx Mart. · The next thing is Matau complaining about Vakama, and everyone trying to calm him or stop him. Then the Rahaga appear and explain their condition. This is important: What splits up the team is not Matau’s earlier comments, but the idea that the Matoran’s Rescue should be postponed in order to cure the Toa’s affliction. All the other Toa want to find Keetongu first; Vakama does not. All Vakama cares about is the Matoran; he is completely selfless when he leaves. His “I’ll show them all” comment is his expression of wanting to prove that his position is right. It is Roodaka’s influence that warps his better-than-Matau’s intentions. This is misunderstood by everyone in the film, especially Rahaga Norik. · All that explains Rahaga Norik’s comment about the Matoran being in the most capable hands: the fact that Vakama was willing to sacrifice everything for them, even his own sanity, shows that he will be the paramount person to keep them safe. Even Rahaga Norik’s comment about the Toa needing Vakama to lead them is factual; Vakama doesn’t care about the others as long as the Matoran get saved. In fact, Vakama would probably love to leave them behind, especially Matau. The whole thing is exacerbated by Hordika venom and misunderstandings. · Remember that scene when the Toa were trying to get to the Great Temple and were stopped by Vahki? That’s usually the Toa trying to return to their value system, to try to do what is right. This time, it is the venom that won’t let them in; only the Rahaga, who transcend the levels of good and bad, can get in. · According the novel WoS, Vakama is trying to two-time Roodaka into giving him command of the horde, than use it against Roodaka. This isn’t evident here, giving the audience the impression that Vakama is crazy. He does succeed, however. Remember, Vakama owns the world, even when crazy. · Vakama destroying the Great Temple is pretty much his statement of saying that his values don’t matter to him anymore. · Then, in a complete failure to get the point, the other Toa decide to expedite their search for Keetongu in order to save Vakama, who left them over that very thing. And then we slide over and show something out of Disney. · And in a complete contrast to Disney, Vakama bangs on Sidorak’s door, with a few imprisoned Rahaga to add to the picture. · “To save Vakama, you must use your new skills and ablities, not be rid of them.” No duh. Can’t listen to your leader who has been telling you that for the last 30 minutes. The End[*]Vakama is sick and tired of recalcitrant Toa who won’t listen to him, so what comes out of his mouth is “Bow down and pledge your allegiance…to me!” If he hadn’t added the addendum, “And…to Sidorak”, I’m almost certain that the other Toa would have done exactly as he said. Still running, Toa?[*]“Put me down.” Don’t pull me up to the level of truth. I don’t want to see what is. And I definitely don’t want you to either, you traitor.[*]In the final piece of irony, the first time Sidorak says something not prideful, he gets destroyed.[*]Then we have the second fall, which is stopped by Vakama, not by the Rahaga.[*]And then there is that famous Vakama quote: “For some reason, he doesn’t scare me anymore.” Makuta fought against his destiny; but Roodaka twisted and corrupted it. Roodaka is worse than Makuta; where Makuta failed to get Vakama to switch sides and become evil, Roodaka succeeded.[*]And then the magically appearing airships, which provide that round linkage of Matau driving something, which is exactly how we started.[*]End Matau’s Dream and Movie Three
I gotta be crazy, what with the economy the way it is. I'm planning on making a move. Pray, pray for my sanity. Or don't. Ether is fine with me. XD Yeah I still remain widely hated in the BZPRPG. Score for the infamous Kalama and Ta Rahkshi! Oh the argument? Yeah it was pretty epic. We got down to the finer points involving industry and trade making zero headway. In fact I think we somehow forced development BACKWARDS completely obliterating trade and goods as well as pretty much just renounced the existence of Onu-Koro. Staff better start getting busy destroying that sector of Mata-Nui. XD As for the move. It's a little bogged down in getting the details for my job transfer. We're currently trying to hash out some paperwork before I can try and make the move. This is going to be fun! So yeah, I'm in a bittersweet mood. I'm totally getting flak from everybody about making forward progress in the BZPRPG and my job is getting snarled but for some reason I'm just in a really good mood about it. I just can't stop grinning. I think the cold has gotten to my head. Maybe some southern heat should thaw it out. I wonder if this is how those action game heroes feel? Everything is going to Karz around them and they just stand there and say ROLL THE DICE and charge in blindly knowing everything is going to be okay when the dust settles. I could get used to this feeling.