The 40 Million Foot Tall Writer's Block Solution

[fishers64]

This comedy is not meant to insult or otherwise degrade the amazing personage of Greg Farshtey in anyway whatsoever. I am sure I have misrepresented him or his personality in some way or other, and I apologize in advance.

The 40 Million Foot Tall Writer’s Block Solution

Greg Farshtey, undisputed King of Bionicle, Lego Magazine editor, and Lego Ninjago writer, stumbled into Lego’s headquarters in Billund, Denmark. It had been a long night without much sleep for the father that he was, and he was feeling rather numb. Before he could think about it, he put his head down on his desk and fell asleep.
4 hours later…
THUMP.
Greg’s nerves jumped to attention. I am seriously going to get fired from this job, he thought, shaking his head to get the grogginess out of it.
THUMP.
Maybe then I will finally get to finish those old Bionicle serials. Oh, forget that. Bionicle is over. Bionicle has ended.
THUMP.
He stuck his head out the door to his office. People were streaming this way and that with looks of terror on their faces.
“What’s going on?” said Greg. Nobody answered. I’m really going wacked. I need some fresh air.
He walked past the fainted receptionist, who someone was already trying to revive, only to see something from his dreams standing unrepentantly on the Billund lawn.
So tall Greg couldn’t even see the top. A towering pair of legs that bent, kneeling down, crushing a good deal of landscaping. Somewhere high above Greg could barely see a pair of eyes looking down, and within the right eye there stood a certain Toa of Fire.
“Greetings, Greg Farshtey” said Toa Tahu. “Welcome aboard.”
A giant robot hand extended down to the now-ruined Lego landscaping. A hatch opened, leading into the depths.
A siren sounded somewhere off in the distance. “What are doing here?” demanded someone next to Greg, wearing a suit and tie and looking very miffed.
“Just trying to give a poor writer a break” said an even female voice.
“Oh no, you don’t. This guy signed a contract to work fifty forty-hour weeks a year minus sick leave-“
The hand extended out, tearing out the chunk of concrete that the two men were standing on, lifting them into the air. The other man cursed under his breath. Greg just stood there, stunned.
“Do you have any idea what that is?” said the man.
“It is…the giant robot” said Greg, his face pale. “Straight out of Bionicle.”
“Straight out of a sewer, you mean” said the man. “It’s terrible.”
“How can you say that? It’s amazing.”
Long, gray fingers curled around the piece of concrete, forcing Greg and his new friend to the very center of the stone. As the stone was crushed to powder, the two fell though the hatch below, landing in a sticky web. “Sorry,” said a Matoran, helping them out of it. “Mission command said to ensure that you arrived undamaged. We took precautions.” Greg stood, dizzied from the slight shift in gravity.
“I demand to see your leader!” said the other guy.
“Who is that?” said the Matoran. He was shorter than Greg, and by his coloring recognizable as a Le-Matoran. Nearby were a couple of his kinsmen, gawking at the new arrivals.
“He’s just the Lego CEO” said Greg.
“Well, he is the guy would canceled Bionicle” said a black armored being who was emerging from a nearby airship. She removed her mask and flicked off her hood, revealing a pale human face. “Welcome to the Matoran Universe, gentlemen.” She glared at the Lego CEO. “Despite your failure to acknowledge us, Bionicle lives on.”

* * *

“Trans-dimensional travel, of course” I said. “Highly unpredictable, and I did end up in the wrong dimension, of course. I built that dimension myself, that one where the Toa overcame the Makuta using the Mask of Time. I didn’t expect to end up in it, fighting the Shadowed One at that last minute.”
“You what?”
“She fought the Shadowed One and won.” said another black armored being nearby. “That counts for something.”
“Come on board, everyone” I barked. “We can talk on our way to Metru Nui.”

* * *

The Le-Metru airship lurched and accelerated rapidly toward our intended destination under the direction of our skilled pilots.
“Right now, we are suffering from a small problem” I said.
“Do you have a name?” said Greg.
“Just call me fishers64.”
“Are you like, a clone or something?” asked the Lego CEO.
“No.”
“Was there a fishers63? 62?”
“No.”
I paused, looking down at the sea below as it raced past.
“The prime Bionicle reality is frozen, Mr. Farshtey. I was sent to investigate that, and ended up in that one. Fortunately, I was also able to run some schematics and dim-cross this thing back. Also, I was able to pinpoint the source of the problems we face. The prime reality being frozen, is bad news, Greg. Other, more active dimensions rub against it, causing transdimensional friction. I was able to measure that from my alternate dimension. I also know that these types of universes gather information from a single point. For the universe I was in, it was me. For the prime reality, it is you.”
“What?”
“If that reality doesn’t receive the data it needs from you, time stops there. This causes friction with the other realities. Eventually this friction will cause that universe to implode, causing a serious warp in space-time that will cause other realities to expand, slowing down the force of time and diluting the strong force so that no life can exist.”
“What?”
“In other words, you need to finish those Bionicle serials!” bellowed the Shadowed One.
“Sorry” said my black armored professional bodyguard. “His prison is a little close to the airstrip.”
I nodded grimly. “He is correct, however. The best weapons we have against an entire transdimensional collapse are a bit of piece and quiet for you.”
Greg looked stunned. “Uh, really?”
“Yes. We will make sure you have some space.” I marched onto Metru Nui, the group trailing after. Greg and the Lego CEO didn’t have a mask, so we couldn’t take the chutes. It was a bit of a hike to my headquarters in Ga-Metru, but we could manage it.

* * *

I ordered Lariska to guard the door against intruders, and to make sure Greg wasn’t disturbed. I had gone behind my screen and swapped armor suits. Sure, black to sky blue wasn’t as intimidating, but it put the native residents more at ease about my unusual existence.
“I’m sorry you got in here” I said to the Lego CEO. “It wasn’t exactly part of the plan.”
“This nonsense is costing me valuable money, young lady. I don’t want to-“
“Oh, so it is all about the money. Oh, boy. When the universe you’re in turns to a hill of beans, your money will vapourize along with you.”
I paused, letting that sink in. “How about a tour of Metru Nui? It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.” I threw him a mask, which he barely caught in time. “You will need it for the chutes.”

* * *

The first thing Greg did upon having the room to himself was close his eyes and go back to sleep. “Time moves slightly faster in here, so you should be able to rest before you start” I had said.
Sometime later, Greg got up, shook off the where-am-I feeling, and began to write, page after page, serial chapter after serial chapter…

* * *

“So everyone does exactly what he says, without question?” said the Lego CEO. “That’s hardly fair.”
“It works for them, pal. Stop talking so loud” I hissed. We were too close to Turaga Dume. This whole thing had been one of my less amazing ideas. I checked my watch. “It’s time for you two to go home. Greg will be missed soon if we keep him much longer.”

* * *

When I arrived, Greg was in the midst of a sea of paper. “I’ve done it!” he said. “I’ve finally brought this to a logical conclusion!”
“Good” I said, picking up the papers. “It is time to go home.”

* * *

“It was a pleasure meeting you two gentlemen.” I cocked my eyebrow at the Lego CEO, making sure he knew that that statement didn’t exactly apply to him. “Good luck, Mr. Farshtey.” I turned back to walk back into the robot.
“Aren’t you coming with us? said Mr. CEO.
“No, I have a robot to return to its proper dimension. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.”

* * *

As Greg turned back to his car, carrying the future of Bionicle story in his arms, he felt a wave of power behind him. He looked behind, just in time to see the immaculately cured lawns of Billund being restored.

* * *

“27 chapters for Bionicle? I thought that you said that Bionicle was over.”
“I’ve had a change of heart.”
“Have you been fired or something? I mean, this isn’t like you.”
“Just post the chapters, Kelly.”
“Do you want to stagger them or-“
“Post them all now. Bioniclestory.com was doomed yesterday. Post them all!”

Edited December 8, 2013 by fishers64

[Scanty Demon]

That was rather short, but well written grammerically. The constant use *** did bug me a bit but that's just me. I also this should be epics or short stories because, to be completely honest, it wasn't really funny. To be fair it does a little hard work to make me laugh.One thing I did like is how you made a self insert without going overboard with powers. That is quite hard to do and I congratulate you. Keep writing.

[fishers64]

That was rather short, but well written grammerically. The constant use *** did bug me a bit but that's just me. I also this should be epics or short stories because, to be completely honest, it wasn't really funny. To be fair it does a little hard work to make me laugh.One thing I did like is how you made a self insert without going overboard with powers. That is quite hard to do and I congratulate you. Keep writing.

It's a bit of a satire, and its central premise is, to be honest, absolutely ridiculous. That's why I put it here.

[- JL -]

I didn't really understand it. I only understood that the world was gonna die if Bionicle didn't end well, so he had to write the end...?The story seems like there could be a lot more sequels, as though it isn't finished. Yeah.