Taka Nuvia Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) Oh look at this, my name in Short Stories. Woot. xDThis was written out of a sudden burst of inspiration, a few weeks ago. It's a very short story, but I hope you can enjoy it nonetheless. Also, thanks to Peach 00 for taking a look at this beforehand and encouraging me to post it. :3 ______________________________________________ Free Keryan hated the cold. He thought it was awful. He didn't like snow, either. It was too white, too cold. He was too white, too. But not cold. In fact, others often told him that he was a rather warm, friendly person, especially for a Ko-matoran. Travellers were often surprised by his openness and interest in the world, and most of them voluntarily told him stories about other parts of the island, what their homeplaces were like. Keryan wished he could go somewhere else, maybe feel the warm sun on his face, see waterfalls and sandy dunes, or walk through a forest. There was only one problem: he had no legs. He'd lost them in an accident, many years ago. The matoran sighed, and shifted his weight a little. A week before, a Ta-matoran, Valon, has visited him. They'd talked for a while, about various things. Valon had promised that he would see whether he could find a solution for Keryan's problem.The Ko-matoran looked out of the window of his hut, his gaze blocked by a raging snowstorm, a cold white wall, shifting, moving, threatening and yet, also beautiful to some. Keryan tilted his head. For a while he had believed that there would be a chance for him to get out of his hut, away from the cold, into a world of colour and sensation... he blinked. Had he just seen a red dot? No, he hadn't imagined it. The red dot came closer. Began to change. Got a shape. I was a matoran. It was Valon! And he was carrying something strange on his back...Keryan tugged at the rope which activated a mechanism to open the door. A gust of wind swept in, carrying snowflakes, and then Valon stumbled in.„Keryan!“, he said, huffing, „I found a solution!“A grin spread over his face.„We'll get you out of here!“ Keryan enjoyed the sun. He thought it was wonderful. He also loved the colours of the forest surrounding him. The warm green of leaves beneath sunlight, their soft shadows, forming changing patterns on the ground.Valon had done him a great favour. With this device, which looked like a chair with wheels, he could finally explore the island, his new friend always behind him. Now he was free. Edited November 28, 2014 by Fairy Paladin 1 Quote My art collection topic - updated! (21/09/2021) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mare Tranquillitatis Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Nice job, Taka! It's a short and simple, yet beautiful tale, which talks about something real and close to perhaps most of us translated in BIONICLE. Una piccola perla, Taka Nuvia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleidoscope Tekulo Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Kinda makes you wonder why it is people always want most what they cannot have. Still, this was a great concept for that, not to mention simple (which is a good thing, in my opinion). Short, sweet and to the point.Nice use of color as description in this too. Quote Executive Vice President of Tomato Throwing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed Blade Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Very interesting. Certainly is a change of pace to see a Ko-Matoran who isn't always wanting to be left alone, and the fact that he was able to eventually get to see the rest of the island was good for an ending. It was short; but in this case, I think it worked better, since it wasn't the story of how he got into that situation, but rather, how he got out of the situation. =) Quote The Pokemon TopicPokemon: Rise of the Rockets - Rise of the Rockets Discussion Topic - Rise of the Rockets Side Stories Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Athmos Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Interesting story, making a crippled Matoran. Choosing a Ko-Matoran was a good idea, but what if it was a Le-Matoran? They are always active, and then you tell us about one that isn't. A tad more heartbreaking, I think. Quote WIP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonfly the Luminescent Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 That's definately a new idea! It's a really warm story for a Ko-Matoran. The fact that you have a Ta-Matoran and a Ko-Matoran as pals is an uncommon but cute story aspect.You could probably use these characters for future stories if you needed to. I think they have a very nice beginning. Quote In the meantime, you shall be loved and tolerated.Dragonfly's continued Boutique - How I drew the herd-----------------------------------------I am both Toa Mata Nui and Dragonfly the Luminescent-----------------------------------------Ask LNU and Pinkie Pie - Biocryptid21's Comics 3.0 - Darcsyde's Comics - Doomsday - Tilted - Awesomepaclypse - A Slightly Different Tale - Reality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Marlfox Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 hey! so i really like how short adn sweet this was. and of course, to contradict myself, i would also like to know more about the ko matoran's accident. haha, well if that makes any sense, overall i liked the story, it was a nice read. keep up the good work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makuta Matata Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 That was great. It was heartwarming. I really loved this story. Quote Three on Three - Memoirs of the Dead - Winner!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwanny Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 This is like one of those classic little tales everyone can enjoy. :3Its shortness makes it that much more enjoyable.Very heartwarming, you should write more stories. Quote Find me over here! http://danielvangele.tumblr.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Multiverse Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 That's very, very beatiful, and, as many have noted, full of great little symbolic details (The Ko- and the Ta-matoran, etc.). I love, and am hugely intrigued by, the close-up realness of it all, even placed in an unrealistic setting. I think that perfectly exemplifies the purpose of Fantasy writing in general. Quote I've been gone. Hopes to return, though perhaps just to listen. And to brighten your day with a little pun: Why didn't the clam share with anyone?...Because it was shellfish! =P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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