Review: Bionicle's The Alliance

[Ignacis]

Post your reviews of the story here! Please note, this story is NOT supposed to be a parody, mash up, crossover, retelling, etc. I am just writting an Avengers styled story, with similar elements and plot, but it is supposed to still be a completely seperate story. Let me know if there is anything you like, didn't like, think I should consider, etc. Thanks and happy reading!

[Cederak]

I'm not sure if my enjoyment from the Avengers film is what drew me to your epic, but I can tell you must've liked it to be inspired enough to work that plot into the Bionicle world. I would recommend adding a link to your epic in the review topic and a review topic link in your epic, to make moving from one topic to the other a simpler transition. Also, I stumbled upon a few errors. Very simple ones, so it won't take long to clear them up.

He had quickly withdrawn his sword, but the massive being had already been on top of him.

Word choice: drawn, not withdrawn

And who knows what the Order would do if they got a hold of him?

Ending punctuation: Use a period instead

It had been several months since Lesovikk had took over G.U.A.R.D.

Word choice: taken, not tookLesovikk leading a group known as G.U.A.R.D. and an immediate distress over the individuals he has to recruit? It's not exactly the movie, but I like this direction you're taking. I think it's fair to say Joss Whedon did an incredible job directing the Avengers and, on some level, you're capitalizing on that success to make this epic. On the other hand, your intentions could be purely innocent and you really want to retell a story you loved through a conduit of another story you love (Bionicle). Whatever the case, it's not too bad.Admittedly, Lesovikk's initial run-in with Karzahni and his sudden position of leadership with G.U.A.R.D. are far too sudden for my taste, and a little curious as well. Is he chosen for the position because Roodaka and Darkness know he can make the decision to kill an enemy if he has to? I guess I'm not really concerned about that. In fact, your cliff hanger ending really distracted from the faults this beginning might've had. I was surprisingly very interested in who your "Alliance" will turn out to be, and whether they'll share the chemistry that made the Avengers so fun and dynamic.I'll stop by again once you've gotten a bit more of this up. Nice work thus far.-Ced