Trad

OK. So I’m being very lazy and busy (yes, it’s possible, just be lazy on BZPower, and be busy with your real life.) and there are too many ideas brimming out in my head, so here’s a new chapter. Enjoy. Or Hate it.Chapter 13As Sick As a Possessed Comedian(Do Not Read Unless You Are About 1000 Years Old and Have an Open Mind and a Strong Heart. Really.)Bayonetta: Hmmm….* Consulting a spell book* I need some hair from a pop star of this century. They say that those people who shriek a lot are the best. *Pokes her head out of the window and yells at Trad.* HEY! TRAD!Trad: *Busy meditating and listening to Florence and The Machine really loudly doesn’t seem to hear.*Bayonetta: Right…. *Fires a few shots at Trad, which pass through him* Oh. It’s a hologram.*Runs downstairs into the basement.*Trad:* Fiddling with a machine* It doesn’t work the way it should! It should have absorbed any negative energy and release it positively!Bayonetta: Hey! What are you doing?Trad: Don’t come any closer. It’s still not working. Jalla! Hand me the electrocharger.*Jalla199 throws it and it hits Trad on the head.*Trad: YEOW! What do you want by the way, B?Bayonetta: Know any pop stars who shrieks a lot and is forgiving with people stealing their hair?Trad: Try Gaga. Ever since she got weirder, I switched to Florence + The Machine. I’ll open a portal right now. Oh, and bring Jalla. Ever since I became a horrible comedian, he was pining to meet her.*Flashback*Jalla199: TAKE ME TO SEE LADY GAGA!Trad: SOON, YOU RABID MUAKA! I’M BUSY WRITING!*In Bayonetta’s Room*Link ttt: I managed to sneak in and not get zapped! I’m A GENIUS! *Accidentally treads on a button*KAZAPP!Link ttt: Gah. Apparently not. Why do they do this anyway?GLaDOS: We value each other’s privacy.Linkttt: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? YOU’RE NOT A PGS YET!GLaDOS: I’m the new narrator. For now.Link ttt: But why?Trad found my CD on the street when we had an economic depression.Link ttt: Oh. *Accidentally breaks a vase-that-Bayonetta-dislikes-due-to-it-having-a-pattern-of-cockroaches-but-it-was-given-to-her-by-Kongu’s-Mom.* Ooops.Reznas: Link! What are you doing up there?Denath: Yes, what?Link ttt: Um… nothing. Oh, and did I mention that a spellchecker’s outside?Denath: Really? *Runs to assault a spellchecker for his autograph, with Reznas hot on his heels.*Link ttt: That leaves me alone inside Bayonetta’s room. Now, what does she normally do when she’s inside?*He looks around and sees a magic circle, a cauldron, and the sign of the Umbran Witches on the wall.*Linkttt: Hmm… Let’s try my hand at black magic! *Starts dancing, which by his definition is jumping around a lot.* Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool? Yes, ma’am, I’m Adam; Wait that’s not my name. Why am I doing this anyway? Maybe I am actually bored.*The magic circle starts to glow evilly. Malevolent laughs fill the room. And an evil demon with a goatee (obviously) appears.*Linkttt: Wow, cool special effects!Evil demon with a goatee *I hate saying too much, so I’ll call him Goatee*: THIS ISN’T SPECIAL EFFECTS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INVITATION.Link ttt: Wait. If this isn’t real and I gave an invitation…I DON’T WANT TO BE POSSESSED!Goatee: TOO LATE. *Possess Link**Hammering on door*Trad: LINK! LINK! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT IN THERE?* Some time before*Trad: Why is everything so evil and grassy? Oh Mata Nui, no. *Rushes upstairs, dragging the Toa along.**Back to the present**The door bursts open. Trad and the Toa stumbles inside and see a horrific sight.**Link is standing there, black veins spread across his mask, in a body made of trees*Linkttt/Goatee: Why doesn’t anyone want to be friends- wait, that’s not my line. DIE. I WILL TAKE YOUR SOUL FOR MORE POWER!Trad and The Toa: RUN!* In the Great Temple*Matoran Priestess: I’m sorry, but we don’t do excorcisms.Trad: Gah. Well, It’s just us then.*In the studio,*Trad: Hello, Goatee. We meet again.Goatee/Link ttt: You are mine this time!Trad: No I’m not. *Invokes a name that resonates throughout the universe.*Goatee/ Link ttt: I will not give up this body!The Herald/ Trad: Yes you will *Saying so, unleashes a bolt of purification on Goatee.*Goatee: GAAAAAAAA! *Gets exterminated*Linkttt: What the Karzahni has happened?Trad: Ow. Remind me to never again to bind with the Herald without mental preparation.END.Bayonetta: HEY! I’ve got the hair! And Jalla got an autograph!

Poor Sun Tzu. He actually took revenge on someone who had his kneecaps removed as a general. And I pity Noah too, for being culpritised.

Chapter 1: Back to School *No, this is not a ripoff*Time: Nine p.mPlace: The Toa Mata’s house in an unspecified part of Somewhere NuiN: Four Toa are playing a game that suspiciously looks like Pokemon, one Toa is meditating, and the last one is doing something constructive (building things out of IEGOs.). Let’s go to the game players, which include Tahu, Gali, Pohatu and Onua. The games table is full of scorch marks and Bionicle body parts.Tahu: I summon Inga, the goddess of fire! Burn through your opposition! MUAHAHA!Inga: No.Tahu: WHAT NO! DO WHAT I TELL YOU OR I WILL RIP YOUR CARD INTO TINY LITTLE PIECES AND INCINERATE THEM!Inga: OK, OK! Chill!N: Inga burns a hole in the table and disappears.Tahu: Not my fault. Gali’s turn.Gali: I activate the Llewmorc ability of this item, and summon Eccentric Songstress, Ydal Agag! Bash the eardrums!N: Born This Way begins to fill the room, very loudly, causing Kopaka to wake out of his meditative trance, bringing Freddy Kruger Nui into this world, who immediately gets vaporized by the sound waves. Lewa starts jumping around into the straitjacket.Pohatu: The Ponies of Brilliance!Onua: I use the Negate ability of this card! I summon Keetongu, keeper of the sets and copyrights!N: Keetongu shambles in.Keetongu: I am Keetongu , keeper of copyrights. And you have used Lady Gaga’s name and song, so you should be bashed!(only he says it as RAAAARARARARARARARARAR!)N: Keetongu starts hitting the author’s hands which are typing this, only to find himself flung away to the Kuiper Belt instead.Tahu: Uh… Gali….Gali: Yes, Tahu?N; Right now, thoughts are racing in Tahu’s mind. He’s thinking, ‘She talked to me! Should I tell her that I love her?’Tahu: Um…er…ah… Where’s the mail?Gali: I have no idea. It should be here by- Pohatu! Kopaka! Run!N: Gali quickly pushed Tahu, Onua and herself out of the way of the incoming dump truck which was reversing into the house. Kopaka levitated himself up and went far away from the dump truck. However, Pohatu got squashed and so did I, so I’m calling my replacement. Hello? N2?N2: Well, the mailman stuck his head out of um…um…N: The dump truck windows!N2: Oh, yes! The dump truck windows!Mailman: Mail!N2: The mailman started to work the er… com-trolls-N: The controls!N2: Right: The controls! Of the dump truck, causing it to reverse and advance , squashing Pohatu and my boyfriend.N: *Groans* The Main Narrator, you moron! And I am not your boyfriend!N2: Please, darling! Well, the mailman, in an eeffoorrt-N: Effort!N2: Oh! Effort! To control the dump truck accidentally fried the controls, causing it to gain sentience. The dump truck then chas-sed….N: Chased!N2: Yes! Chased the mailman, who was panicking.Mailman: Oh, mamma mia! Oh, GLaDOS! Oh, German Swear Words! Oh, Even More German Swear Words! Oh, Chell! Oh, Dio Mio! Oh, Santa Clawz! Oh, Gene Simmons! Oh, Buddha! Oh, Harriet Tubman! Oh, The Oatmeal! Oh, Poirot! Oh, Skynet! Oh, Hiroshi Ishiguro! Help!N2: The mailman ran at a hundred mile an horeh…N: hour!N2: Right! Hour! In a bid to escape the dump truck chasing him. Meanwhile, Pohatu rose.Pohatu: Oh… my back… It hurts… So much… *Starts singing*N2: Pohatu had started signing.N: Singing!N2: Oh. Tahu and Gali glanced at each other. Tahu then looked away, blushing.Pohatu : *Singing to the tune of Born this Way*The mailman came to give us our mail,In his stupid dump truck.He drove over me, not over Kopaka,Curse you stupid author.Now I found my true calling,Which is singing like a great pro.So now everyone celebrate!A new artist is on the rise!Let’s breakdance right now.Oops, I forgot I can’t do it.Cause I’ve just been run overBy the dump truck.Let’s do a sing along,Like those people in GleeAnd let’s make them look likeA bunch of newbies!I’m so completely original.Unlike that stupid Bieber.That a-hole copies everyone,Including Adele!That’s my nicest comment on him.I could be even nastier.But today we have a worse problem,Where is our mail?Seriously where is it?We’ve been waiting since9 p.m., please give usOur mail, you idjits.Or we’re going to complainAbout the postal service!*Singing stops*N: Can you seriously stop singing now?N2: Darling, he had stopped!N: Oh! Well, um… let’s go to the seedy looking part of Somewhere Nui, where a meeting is taking place.Time: 12 p.mPlace: The Seediest Area of Somewhere Nui??: We meet again. What is my new assignment???: Go to the school. Talk to D. He will give you your new assignment.??: Understood.??: You will not fail this assignment this time. Otherwise you will be exiled from the order.??: Yes.N: Both of them leave. Let’s go back to the Toa’s house, and quick!Time: 12 p.mPlace: The Toa Mata’s house in an unspecified part of Somewhere NuiMailman: Come on Dumpy, give these folks them mail.Dumpy: Whine…..N2: Dumpy then regurgitated the Toa’s mail on my shoes…. Urgh. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE COST?Author: No. I’ll compensate you accordingly and just keep narrating.N2: The Toa then quickly scrambled to get their mail, wiping it on a nearby piece of cloth…. MY SKIRT!Onua: AH! My pot of earth full of stones and soils to eat! What’s this?Pohatu: Oh, tha-a-a-a-t Is mi-i-i-ine!Onua: Can I read it?Pohatu: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I will kill you if you dooooooooo!N: Onua gives the letter to Pohatu.Lewa: Where is my mail-post ?!?!Gali: Here.N: Gali hands the post over. Lewa then opens it.KAPOW! courtesy of The Dark Umbra.Tahu: CURSE YOU TDU FOR DESTROYING OUR HOUSE!N: Tahu sent a nuclear mail bomb to TDU through the catapult mail service. We now go to TDC’s house, which now is a burnt down lot.TDC: Ow.N: He then becomes ashes. Let’s go back to the Toa’s house where Pohatu is now reading his letter.Pohatu:“Dear Pohatu,We have considered your application as a sleep-in security guard. You know, the interview where all of you burnt the building down? We’re not going to press charges yet.This letter is about something else. We checked your school records. In fact all of your team’s school records. We found that you all haven’t went to school for millions of years. So, if you don’t want us suing you, go to the only school in your district, which is Mata Nui School for Unstoppable Delusional Dimwits.Thank you.”What? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I don’t even have supplies!Gali: I believe that I stored away some in preparation for this eventuality.Tahu: Thank Mata Nui, Gali! What will we do without you?Gali: You’ll all be dead for sure.Onua: Do you realise that we all are going to school?Gali: What? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!N: Gali then fainted from excitement, with Tahu catching her.Lewa: We’re all going to school?!N: Yes, shut up!END.Author: Sorry for the boring ending. But-Kopaka interrupted the author. “Why do not I have any lines?”Author: Because I was lazy!END. For real this time.

Your inventory squashes you with the sheer weight of it. I wish I could read my tarot cards better.

He is so epic that he takes over the world and becomes a dictator.I wish I attained nirvana.

The speech is so boring that everyone dies of boredom. I wish that I can play Kitaro's "Matsuri" very well on my cello.

Granted, but time reverses to the start of time, so you don't exist. I wish that everyone would read my blog and help with my RPG that I am working on.

you become so tall that your head is in outer space and you hit some space junk. I wish that everyone knows what is an erhu.

He runs you over. I wish I was good at playing the erhu.

Granted, however your singing is so terrible that a species of Kikanalo with extremely sensitive hearing goes extinct and you get thrown iinto prison for eternity. I wish I had a GlaDOS AI and a portal gun.

OK. Here's mine. Don't go ballistics about it though, I'm still making it. So anyone who wants to help me, email me as I use email virtually all the time. Setting Xenta Nui. An island of peace and harmony, open to strangers, and friendly to outsiders. The metrus lived in peace and worked with each other. The Matoran knew that it would stay that way for eternity. Or so they believed. The Matoran turned complacent, and became lax in their own security. They thought that no one would attack them. The Turaga advised them against this; however the Matoran took them as senile old fools. A mysterious organization, who called themselves The Lords of The Shadows, saw their chance to take over and they did. They unleashed tainted energies on the island, corrupting the inhabitants into Shadow Matoran. Fifteen Toa and two heroes from each metru ventured forth to combat the menace. They failed. The Lords of The Shadows were free to corrupt the whole island if not for the Turaga. They poured their life force into a Great Seal and sealed all the Shadow Matoran and the Lords of The Shadows away into their territory of darkness, where no Matoran was to enter. All this happened a thousand years ago. Now, the seal is weakening and tainted energy is spreading across the land again making Matoran have nightmares and slowly but surely, change them into Shadow Matoran. But destiny had not run its full course. For there was a new prophesy in the heavens, one that dictated that there would be new incarnations of the heroes that would defeat the Lords once and for all. It was almost impossible to believe, knowing the failures of the first heroes’ attempt, but it was a silver of hope that kept them going. Now this is where my tale ends, ours meet and yours start. A new tale now begins. Are you the hero who frees Xenta Nui? Or are you the one who plunges it into darkness? Be prepared to face your destiny, adventurer. Timeline:Creation of Xenta Nui and The First Matoran -------------------------0CXN (since the Creation of Xenta Nui)First Matoran Empire- Kingdom of The Iron ----------------------------1,000,000CXNFall of The Kingdom of The Iron ------------------------------------------90,900,2122 CXNFirst Matoran Disapppearance --------------------------------------------90,900, 3000CXNResettlement ------------------------------------------------------------------90,900,3001 CXNPo Koro's Desertation -------------------------------------------------------100,000,392 CXNRaising of The Ba Villages --------------------------------------------------100,001,000 CXNRising of The Sa Village Hills -----------------------------------------------100,012,369 CXNThe Civil War starts ----------------------------------------------------------100,133,691 CXNSecond Matoran Empire- Za Metru ----------------------------------------100,133, 800 CXNThe Civil War Ends -----------------------------------------------------------100,133,894 CXNCreation of The Colonist Metrus (Ka-Skakdi and Vo-Vortixx) ---------100,133,895 CXNInvasion by the Lords of The Shadows ------------------------------------100,133,900 CXNThe Seals------------------------------------------------------------------------100,133,999 CXNPresent---------------------------------------------------------------------------100,141,801Factions: [*]The Lords of The Shadows: An organization that everyone speaks of in hushed whispers.They do not seem to be an offshoot of the extinct Brotherhood of the Makuta only that it consists of Toa, Turaga and Matoran. They(including the Matoran) are said to manipulate the shadows and that they don’t show any mercy to their enemies.[*]Matoran and Colonists Military: Remnants of the Civil War (the War of the Shadows was a draft that I forgot to check) , they have been recreated as many a metru has been attacked by the Shadow Rahi and Matoran.[*]Shadow (Lii) Matoran & Rahi: Matoran, Toa and Turaga that are corrupted by the powers of the tainted energies. Shadow Matoran are sorcerers that wield the powers of shadow magics. Shadow Toa and Turaga wield shadow magics along with their own elements.[*]The Circle: Matoran dedicated to wielding of light powers. To wield 100% light is impossible as only a Toa of Light can do it, therefore they have to channel it alongside four basic magic elements.Rahi: When the Lords of The Shadows invaded Xenta Nui, they bought along Rakhshi, Kavinikas, Visorak and other horrible Rahi too disgusting to name. Lii Ranosh- The Lii Matoran's organisation of their sorcerorsThe Circle -Av Koro's organisation of their sorcerors Map:RPG mapOk, so this may be a bit too large or maybe broken. I'm an amateur. More coming about the factions and map. But on to the character creation! Character Creation Name:GenderSpecies:Weapons:Powers/Abilities (e.g. masks):Alignment:Appearance or pic:Personality:Bio:Weakness (necessary!):Guardian Beast (must not be overpowered, description and element needed):Anything else deemed necessary: Allowable SpeciesSkakdi-One element (needs two Skakdi in conjunction to use) one Vision powerToa- One element and mask.Matoran-No power unless Av. one powerless mask.Turaga-One low powered mask and elemental powerLii--Shadow magics ONLY.Vortixx-No powers or masks.Av- light magics only Allowable Elements (no Iron, I'm afraid)AirEarthWaterFireIceStoneGravityElectricityJungle/The Green/PlantlifeMagnetismPlasmaSonicsPsionicsLight (strictly Matoran ONLY)Shadow (Strictly Matoran ONLY) Allowable Skakdi Vision PowersHeatImpactX-RayInfraredLaserThermalTelescopic Allowable MasksHunaHauPakariMiruKakamaRuruMahikiMatatuRauPehkuiKualsiCalixKirilKadinSanokIdenZatthTrynaArthronFaxonVolitakGaraiBiomechanicsGrowthHealingPsychometryRevoundingSensory Aptitude Rules: 1. Follow all BZRPG and BZP rules2. No goddmodding. Duh.3. Warnings will be sent if you disobey the rules. You only get three strikes. On the second strike, your character will lose many things. On the last strike, you will be banned from this RPG4. Have Fun! If you are on the good side, you try and track down the shadow energies that's leaking from a source at [REDACTED] and stop it. Or if you want to be extreme, eradicate Lii-KoroIf you are evil, try and spread it. Corrupt your way into Kini Nui. Kidnap the Turaga. Create evil clones of good people or something like that. In my opinion, Toa of Light and Shadows will be too strong. So I'm limiting powers to the Matoran and therefore they have magic. A guardian beast is a summonable creature of an element. I'm trying to make it work. I'm useless at photoshopping. Toa does mean hero, but for the word two heroes,... I can't tell you. Do Skakdi and Vortixx count as Toa?

The comedy that you all know and love or hate is back!The first eleven chapters or so with the contents list and characters list! (Very random and outdated. May post the updated contents list and character list later)The wiki page!I suppose I have to post the next chapter....BTW, we really need some critics.Inform me when there is the Critics Club.CHAPTER 12! The Insectophobic ComedianTrad: So, B. How did the shopping expedition go?Bayonetta: Quite well. But I racked up quite a debt.Trad: How much?Bayonetta: One hundred million widgets.Trad: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (This goes on for some time) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…….............Bayonetta: Shut up! *Throttles Trad with her hair which has turned into hands*Trad: OK! OK! *cough* Stop it! I didn’t buy that much since I went into that MEGA SALE dimension! What did you buy?Bayonetta: : I bought lots of useless stuff but most notably: Yeo Zhi Peng, the Paris Hilton Voodoo doll and a new PGS-Yeo Zhi Peng: Hi guys! How are you Ge-Bayonetta: Shut up. As I was saying, I also bought some Kanohi, someone’s hair, a series of contradictorying things that you didn’t asked for, an Annoying Orange-Annoying Orange: Hello hairy woman and shy guy!Trad and Bayonetta: SHUT UP! * Makes the A.O. into orange juice*Bayonetta: and some truckloads of dresses.That was it really. Trad: No shoes?Bayonetta: Nothing else.Trad: Here’s the money, then-what the heck a FIKOU SPIDER!Bayonetta: Really? Where?MNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW! (F1 racer effects)Bayonetta *A bit shell shocked*: *Flat on the floor* Excuse me, Trad, but I am not a piece of wrinkled cloth! *Waits* Trad? Trad! *Reflates herself* Mata Nui. *Gapes at a Trad-shaped hole in the 3 foot concrete wall* Wow. Wait REZNAS!Reznas: *Extremely flat on the floor* A Tathorak, an energy hound, a Kane-Ra and a Muaka just ran over meand went upstairs!Bayonetta: No, that was Trad. He had a sudden bout of arachnophobia. Wait. What was that?*Clanging noises come from above,Scaring little people and make everyone wonder-Reznas: Stop it, R.K. We called you to do the narration, not write stupid poems!*But, R-Reznas: Shut up!*Behind you!*Reznas: What is it? *Turns around* WHERE DID HE GET THAT HAZMAT SUIT? THAT WAS MINE! Bayonetta: Why do you wear a hazmat suit? But most important…. STOP HIM FROM DESTROYING THE WHOLE PLACE!Trad: where is that spider? !Jalla199: *wakes up and walks to the banisters* SHUT HIM UP! I NEED TO SLEEP! Trad: YOU SHUT UP! * Sprays Jalla199 with acids*Jalla199: Get a life! *Shuffles back to his room*Trad: DIE! DIE! *Trying to kill the spider with miserable results**doorbell rings*Reznas: I have to attend to something guys, call me if you need me!Bayonetta: I’ll follow you! I need to get some shoes!*The door is getting hammered*Reznas: B, ready?Bayonetta: Yes….Reznas: OK, you open it.Bayonetta: Why should I? You do it!Reznas: I’ll be your backup! Open the door!Person outside the door: Will one of you Fudgetards open this *EXPLEXITIVE* DOOR?!Bayonetta: Reznas, go open it!Reznas: NO!Bayonetta: Don’t worry! I’ll be your backup!Reznas: No! I’ll be your backup!Person outside the door: URH…. Worst case scenario then.*opens the door, only to get zapped by one of the traps.* *In a horrible voice* Someone… should…go to a …. shrink…..Reznas: Wait, who are you?Person at the door: I’m Trad, you clothead.Reznas: No, you’re not!Person at the door: That moron running around is not me. That is Toa Ruthless.Bayonetta: What is he doing here then?Trad: Keeping you hyenas on a leash. Now, what happened?*In an another room*Toa Ruthless: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! It’s crawling all over me! It’s having babies in my hair! It’s biting off my ears! It’s sucking off my eyeballs! Get off me, you grotesque monster of a spider!Trad: OK….Ruthless, get out, please.Toa Ruthless: GET THIS FRIGGING SPIDER OFF ME!Trad: Fine…*Drags Toa Ruthless into another room and starts shaking him by the heels, dipping him into turpentine and all sorts of nasty things that don’t bear mentioning* I thought you were ruthless? Surely a spider can’t make you weak?Toa Ruthless: I had a horrible experience with one as a kid…..*Flashback*Toa Ruth: Give this to me!Toa Ruthless: It’s my teddy muaka!Toa Ruth: Fine. *Throws a Reconstitute at random disk at the teddy bear, causing it to become a spider*Toa Ruthless: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!*End of flashback*Toa Ruthless: So that’s why I fear spiders.*In another room*Bayonetta: Oh, look , the spider’s here. Nom. *Eats it*Reznas: Oh, yuck.*In Paradiso*Hapori Dume: Where is the Spy?Angel Techie: He’s been dissolved by hydrochloric acid and gastric juices, sir.Hapori Dume: This is the last time we send spies as spiders to commit sabotage!THE END.Comments are necessary. I need the criticisms to improve.

OMG. That's a wierd pic. Cheshire is a good artist. But she has to improve to reach the LDV level.