Jump to content

ArchAngelleofJustice

Members
  • Posts

    86
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    3

Everything posted by ArchAngelleofJustice

  1. Thanks for detailing all the changes! I'm a bit sad that the 'Years later' in Book 3 had to go as I much prefer thinking of the timespan between the Bohrok Kal and Mask of Light as being years, but I guess it contradicts what Greg said later on so I can understand it. As far as book names go, I think most of them are really good as it is. Book 1: Infection - Honestly, I think this name is spot on and I'd prefer it left as is. It describes not only the infected masks, but also the idea of Makuta as an infection in Mata Nui. It's too perfect to change. Book 2: Swarm - Pretty good. It's possible you could change it to something with a double meaning like Cleanse but I think Swarm is great. Book 3: Masks - I think this is one of the weakest titles. Masks could just as easily refer to Book 1. Some alternatives: Revenge (from Makuta's Revenge) Powerless (from the comic by the same name, describes the loss of the Toa Nuva's power but also Tahu being powerless to stop Ta-Koro being destroyed and also how Takua goes from having no power to being the Toa of Light) Power (See above) Book 4: Legends - This seems fine to me. Book 5: Venom - Could be better. Fractures (From the comic with the same name) Book 6: Doomed - I like this one. Book 7: Sacrifice - Not sure spoiling the ending is ideal. Downfall, (from the book with the same name.) I've seen other compilations use Downfall for the 2007 story. Book 8: Rising - Could be better. Endgame (from the comic with the same name). Destiny (I think Destiny fits 2008 far better than it does 2009) Ignition (I know Ignition normally refers to the 2006-2007 story moreso than the 2008 story, but I think it's so fitting given the reveal that the Toa's goal in this is basically the ignition of a giant power generator). Book 9: Destiny - I kind of hate this one? This story is far more about Unity than Destiny. Destiny only really applies in Journey's End, and considering this is one of the longest books (and actually comprises two years, not one), I feel like it's overlooking a lot of the story. Reborn (from A Hero Reborn or The Legend Reborn)
  2. This looks amazing, I am absolutely in love with this style. I don't suppose you could show how the body was built?
  3. I think the issue is that the Turaga would probably name landmarks after things that they cared about. That doesn't mean that every single Toa Mangai needs to be represented. Maybe Nokama once met Naho. Maybe Nokama read up a lot on Naho and looked up to her. That might be why Naho Bay was named after her, just like how Ihu was a close friend of Nuju's. But even though Vakama looked up to Lhikan, even though the entire team had some interaction with Lhikan and Lhikan was no doubt the most influential Toa on the Toa Metru, there's no landmark named in his honor (although he did get a legend about him). I don't doubt that the Turaga would have tried to keep different parts of their history alive in the naming of various landmarks, but each Turaga likely named the landmarks in their own Wahi differently, based on their own personal values. If they have dead or lost Matoran friends that they care about, I would expect that they might name landmarks after them. It's also entirely possible that the names come from legends told in Metru Nui, from sections of the archives or long-lost beasts or the names of streets or knowledge towers that the Turaga once visited or lived on or spent time in. This is just my personal opinion, mind you, but I don't think we need such alterations to the lore to be officially endorsed if they never impacted on the story itself. These are fun things to consider but I do find myself a bit frustrated at the alterations to canon that didn't get mentioned otherwise in the story. Making up lore is a lot of fun, and it's enjoyable if you can squeeze that into a story or make a MOC or something, but I think a part of the value of Bionicle is the space it offers for creativity. To my mind, if every landmark had a Greg approved canonical history that the name came from, that means there's less room for fanart to make it's own interpretations.
  4. Oh, that makes sense. I forgot about the text, that's a bit embarrassing.
  5. New story map is looking great. If it's just the header that changes, I think that works really well for the individual pages, but I'd want to keep most of the page layout fairly simple and neutral so that the focus is on the story.
  6. It's definitely coming across nicely. I think the 'map' would be better with a drop-down list of years or something, as it is each year's worth of contents takes up a good chunk of text and that's going to get worse as you add the 2003 comics. 2004 and 2006 are going to be *enormous*. I think having headings for each year, even if they just link to the relevant year, would make navigation a bit easier. Ideally, each year should have its own title that makes it clear what the theme of that year is, but I realize that requires fan-created additions. Still, if the idea is to be accessible to non-fans, a title like "2001: The Toa Arrive" "2002: The Bohrok Swarms" "2003: Mask of Light" would help to guide newcomers through the story, especially if they are most interested in one or two years that they're particularly nostalgic for.
  7. You accidentally titled Chapter 16 of Beware the Bohrok as Chapter 6. I wonder if the map would look better if it were titled in a different format; ie: 'Tale of the Toa: Chapter One' instead of 'Chapter One: Tale of the Toa'. As it is, I'm taking a quick look to see what's available, but if I'm scanning for comics then I'll want to see the comic title before the chapter title.
  8. Maybe you could title those chapters to make it easier for fans to play? So the first Takua chapter could be called something like "Mata Nui Online Game: Beach & Ga-Koro" so that fans who want to play can follow along. You'd get some awkwardness at the Kini Nui section though.
  9. "Two turned out to be blades, shaped into the form of leaping red flames. They fitted together into a sword, the handle sitting comfortably in his clawed hand." I really like this. I understand why it was changed to one sword, but I always liked the idea that Tahu's flame sword was two pieces that fit together. For some reason, that always made sense to me - the actual blade on the Tahu Mata figure's sword looked as though it could be made by overlapping two blades. I realize this is just changing the text back to the original, slightly erroneous version; but I still appreciate it. I kind of like the idea that Tahu's sword is just a hilt that created an actual flame, as shown in MNOG, but if it has to be a physical blade then this level of detail is nice. Regarding Book 2 - and I can't remember if I've brought this up before (forgive me), but I'm a bit confused as to why Le-Koro Liberated! and Last Moment Save! aren't listed directly after the Lewa/Onua fight in the comics. It didn't really bug me when it was all in a shortened text format, but with the QR media I think it would be better if the stories led off from each other. While there's no mention of time passing in the chapter books, Le-Koro Liberated! and Last Moment Save! each imply an entire day/night cycle. It... frustrates me a bit that we currently have the Toa Mata deciding to enter the Bohrok Nest immediately before night falls in Le-Koro Liberated; and then an entire battle takes place in Le-Koro, and then Takua, Jaller and Nuparu somehow have time to reach Ga-Koro, during which time the Toa Mata get a little bit deeper into the Bohrok nest and find the Exo Toa, and then night falls again in Ga-Koro?! The implication that the Toa spend the better part of two days seeking and fighting the Bahrag doesn't line up with what we see in the chapter book. I think it would be better to, immediately after the comic Lewa/Onua fight, list Le-Koro Liberated, Island Wildlife On The Move, and Last Minute Save in that order (which implies that Takua has traveled from Le-Koro to Ga-Koro in Island Wildlife on the Move). I'll admit that it's somewhat frustrating that Kopaka and Tahu seem to hang around the entrance of the Bohrok Nest for a couple of days, but at least this way it's possible that the Toa are fighting Bohrok and collecting Krana during their travels and while they regroup. In any case, I'm loving the QR code additions. It saves me a little bit of hassle googling those animations, but it also makes it clear that there *are* web animations, which is wonderful.
  10. Very cool. It's great to see another archive of the Bionicle story. Since Biological Chronicle already exists (and I love it), I like that Wall of History seems to be more focused on archiving the media as released. Barring spelling and grammar issues, it makes sense for a second archive to focus on preserving the media in its original form. However, that seems to be at odds with the idea of splitting books up and shoving various comics into them. If accuracy and completion are your interests, I think you'll find it's jarring to have to read tracts of story twice in different forms. One of the issues with Biological Chronicle is how much is redundant, and reading many of the comics on top of the chapter books only draws attention to those inconsistencies. I think that, especially in 2002 and some of the later years, you'll realize that there are only a handful of comic pages that add something new. The comics in 2001 are fantastic and Hapka managed to write Tale of the Toa around the comics (with the exception of part of the first). 2002 is going to double up a lot. I wonder what you will do for things like the Bohrok Animations. A suggestion: Could you offer multiple reading options? For instance; offer a way to read *just* an individual book instead of all the serials, comics and other stories that intersect with it? If you could do something like have the ability to customize the reading experience so that it can do things like cut out 'redundant' comics, cut out comics completely, include or exclude the MNOG and web animations, or just read the story in order but without cutting up stories (ie. Tale of the Toa > Comic 1 > Comic 2 > Comic 3 > MNOG > Bionicle Synopsis Excerpts > Beware the Bohrok...) you might be able to offer something else. I realize that would require a lot more coding but those granular options would really offer a separate experience to Biological Chronicle while being able to archive every story in its (mostly) original form without forcing readers to read the same events multiple times in succession.
  11. Nice. I'll admit that I was surprised by the sudden ending - even in the framing device, it's mentioned that there doesn't appear to be much conflict or character arc. However, I did rather enjoy the focus on the worldbuilding, and I think the story stands out because of that. Seeing the Sand Tribe before the became Vorox, the various ways the tribes work together, and even the minute details like differing sword designs was enjoyable, and it's nice to think about Raanu in the context that he was once, oh so long ago, a child. Mentioning parent-child relationships at all isn't done at all in Bionicle, even when it makes sense in the context of the Agori, so it's great to see it touched on. Well done. The best worldbuilding is always done within a narrative and you've achieved that here. I hope you continue writing because you have a definite knack for worldbuilding and combining established concepts with fresh takes in a logical and consistent manner.
  12. Thank you for writing this for me. I can't believe how amazingly long it was - I thought I'd racked a high wordcount but you blew me out of the water! And wow, you managed to weave so much about these two into this story. Great characterization, I loved how much of Hahli and Jaller's lives you managed to wrap into this story. Oh, when Hahli was at Jaller's funeral I almost shed a tear, it was heartbreaking. I also rather enjoyed the mention of Hahli and her tribeswomen gathering items from their home. I suppose it's something I've normally overlooked but it was well written and added a touch of Hahli and Nixie's personalities. And Hahli's reaction to seeing Metru Nui for the first time (that she remembers) - there's so much to gush over here! If I may offer critique (which this board seems to encourage), I thought your writing style was wonderful but limited by some unnecessary uses of commas and very long sentences. Other than that, the heavy use of character thoughts and feelings worked very well and came together to create a very emotional and introspective story. Outside of those little technical details I've mentioned, you know what to write and when. In any case, this was absolutely touching, and seeing Jaller pull away from Hahli, and being able to anticipate how much it would hurt her, was great. Well done on writing a character-driven story in this world. Oh, and thank you for the short inclusion of Nobua!
  13. Hey, TuragaNuva, I think it was discussed in a bit more detail early on, but I've been thinking about taking a look at Vrahno's translation of the Hungarian Tale of the Toa and altering some of the details to make a canon-compliant version of it. There are a lot of cool details and scenes in it that I like, but the translation is a little rough (with random changes in tense, repeated treespeak instances and Out of Character exclamations) that I'd need to neaten up, not to mention incorrect weapon and mask details being mentioned. If I made this translation, would you consider adding it to Biological Chronicle - or should I make a copy of my own and throw the comics in?
  14. Thank you very much, Toa of Italy! I'm glad that you enjoyed this story! Using Taipu as a POV character was an excellent way to explore the world around him because he just gets so gosh-dang excited about seeing all the beautiful sights of Mata Nui. In that regard, it was rather easy to focus on all of those details - to ignore the scenery in a Taipu-centered story would have been very odd indeed. Oh bother! I did do a quick search through the 2002 story in Biological Chronicle to try and confirm whether anything happened to Ko-Koro, but I couldn't find anything. In hindsight, Kopaka mentions that the Tahnok are approaching and would inevitably destroy it, but we don't actually see or hear of that destruction. Unless there is something else I've missed, I'm not sure that it's a blatant error - but there is a bit of a contradiction regardless. There is also another contradiction - the Wall of History entry for New Invention Saves Onu-Koro states that Nuparu and company managed to retake Onu-Koro with the use of the Boxors. I normally go by the animations so I didn't pick this up until after I posted it!
  15. What a lovely and sweet story. I've never been much good at writing Kopaka, but you've captured him so well here. And there are so many wonderful lore references! I love seeing a slightly longer story set during 2001 that can really focus on character growth, and I think you've really captured both characters well. I always feel a hint of trepidation when I see Lewa focused stories because I feel like he's one of the characters that tends to get flanderized a lot. You nailed him, and it was lovely to hear him say "I work better alone." Excellent work, I feel like this slots into canon perfectly which I always appreciate. Oh yeah, the treespeak - I think there was one time it was a bit over-used in Lewa's early sentences, but for the most part, you handled it really well and allowed each usage to enhance the meaning of what Lewa was saying. “You ever get shiver-cold up in those mountains?” was a fantastic use of it. I think you kept true to the treespeak that Lewa used in 2001-2003. Great to see your action sequences - long, meandering sentences that feel like they go for a marathon. They give a sense of confusion and panic. I'll admit I felt a bit confused at times in the sequences, but I feel like that was what you were aiming for with those breathy sentences that just never end. It feels like Kopaka's mind must have been racing as well. Oh, and I love the pun in the title. Lovely work. May I ask - do you have a particular point in the story you imagine this taking place in? It feels like you slotted this in perfectly into the rest of 2001 and did your research to make sure you got everything right.
  16. Thank you so much! This was my first gift exchange and I found coming up with a story to tell a bit nerve-wracking, but once I found the idea it all came easily to me. Oh, I always manage to forget that my scene transitions don't get copied into BZPower. Particularly jarring as some of them, like you mentioned, carry dialogue between them. I've gone back and corrected that. Thank you for the suggestion!
  17. You had me laughing out loud way too many times, and this was a very enjoyable piece. I think my favorite joke was the one at the very start, where one of the Matoran claims that 'all this security to guard nothing' was a work of art. I am surprised that you haven't graced us with the etymology of your character names, that's something I've always appreciated in your other works. I did really enjoy the vast array of non-canon characters as well, it allowed you to make the world seem bigger, not smaller. The ending was perfect as well, with just enough of a hint as to the nature of the world around them. Jaiya's dismissal of it was fantastic. I did rather enjoy the Electro Chute Blade. Something about its specificity made me suspect it would have been one of the contest-winning Xian weapons. Sykit stating that it was a canon weapon was a joke I rather enjoyed, personally, as I had just looked it up on BS01. Absolutely hilarious.
  18. Author's Note This fic was written for the BZPower 2018 Gift Exchange. This story is for Dane, who requested a story set on Mata Nui about the Chronicler's Company. Not every member of the Company makes an appearance and some are more prominent than others, but I hope Dane enjoys the story anyway! Masks It was to be a two-pronged attack. Nuparu and a squad of Boxor-mounted Matoran would challenge the Nuhvok, the Bohrok of Earth, in the plains outside Le-Wahi. Their plan would remove the advantage the Nuhvok maintained by fighting in enclosed spaces, like the dense jungle. Onepu would lead a second squad into the jungle and attempt to drive the Lehvak out of Le-Koro itself. Taipu felt safer being a part of Onepu's three-man squad. He didn't know the third member of their group very well, but Onepu trusted Kaj and that was enough for him. Taipu was on high alert. The heavy footsteps of the three Boxors sounded like pickaxes striking metal but he could still make out the sounds of distant rahi fleeing through the underbrush. Despite not being a member of the Onu-Koro Ussalry, he had been given a Boxor to pilot on Onepu's order - Taipu had not only helped build the prototype Boxor, but he was also one of only a handful of Onu-Matoran familiar with the Le-Wahi jungle. Taipu felt honored to be chosen to be a member of the Ussalry Captain's team - even if they were best friends. They marched between a dozen enormous trees that had fallen, the earth beneath their roots eroding away. The destruction of the beautiful jungle caused Taipu's heartlight to ache. The vivid flowers of Le-Wahi had once filled him with joy. Now they were trampled into the ground, their petals gone and their color faded. Their group climbed over a hilltop, only to witness more devastation. Below them, a dank swamp slowly ate away at a tree. A single leaf fluttered into the swamp. It shriveled, sizzled and in moments, was gone. "This is the doing of Lehvak," said Onepu grimly. "They are surely nearby. Be on the lookout for them." Taipu felt a chill run down his spine. The Lehvak were said to be the most dangerous of the Bohrok types, and he was hardly a proper warrior. Taipu longed to return to the safe, comfortable mines of Onu-Koro. But they weren't safe nor comfortable anymore, they were caved in and flooded. Taipu looked to his leader. Onepu was ahead of him, bravely heading on to protect the Matoran despite the danger. Taipu forced his fears down. He would be brave like Onepu as well. They continued on, leaving the acrid smells of the pool behind as it consumed the foliage. Onepu held out an arm, motioning them to stop. "Quiet!" he hissed, stopping in his tracks. Taipu listened, only hearing the insistent flapping of kahu bird wings. He focused harder, trying to detect whatever had caught Onepu's attention. There! The pitter-patters of metal on earth could just barely be heard, too light and fast to be the result of Bohrok. "Matoran?" asked Kaj. "It must be," whispered Onepu. "If they are being controlled by the Krana, we should strike swiftly and free as many as we can." Soon they might be fighting against their own kind. "What if we hurt them?" Taipu asked. Onepu clenched his fist for a moment. "They will be better off sore and free than controlled by the Krana." Taipu took a deep breath of the thick jungle air, soothing his nerves. Onepu always knew just what to say. "Kaj," commanded Onepu. "If we get into a scuffle, you move to the right and I'll circle to the left. Taipu, you will face them head-on. This way, we can hem them in for a sound victory." Onepu led them further on, seemingly unphased by the potential danger. Within moments they came to a small group of Le-Matoran scuttling through bushes and cutting into enormous trees. These Matoran did not wear the beautifully crafted protodermis masks that Taipu had come to expect. Instead, their faces were covered by Krana, masks made of flesh instead of metal. Taipu had heard that wearing the Krana made a Matoran enslaved to it, in much the same way that Makuta's infected masks allowed him to control Rahi. Taipu swallowed hard as Onepu boldly strode forward in his heavy Boxor. "Fine villagers of Le-Koro!" Onepu shouted. "I know you can still hear me! End this ceaseless destruction now! Remove your Krana and take up arms against the Lehvak who order you to defile your homes!" The Le-Matoran turned to face them, their eyes narrowed and determined. One stepped forward. "Greetings, brothers," he said in a calm, yet commanding tone. "We wish for you to join us. Step down from your machines and help us clean this land of impurities." Behind half-burnt bushes stirred a half-dozen emerald-green Lehvak, moving to investigate the disturbance. When they noticed the trio of Matoran not wearing Krana, they raised their claws in anticipation of a struggle. "The Great Spirit would not want to see his paradise destroyed like this!" shouted Taipu, hoping that he might get through to the Matoran before the Lehvak attacked. "This is madness!" "'Madness' would be trying to prevent the Bohrok from completing our task," said the Krana-Matoran. "Why do you insist on preventing us from completing our duty?" Taipu noticed two Lehvak rolling to his right. Three more moved to block any escape to the left. Taipu checked to see if Onepu had noticed, but the Captain showed no sign that he had. "This wanton destruction cannot possibly be your duty," insisted Onepu. "Remove the Krana from your faces, or we will do it for you." Hissing, two Lehvak suddenly lurched forward, the scissor-like shields on their arms snapping open and closed. Taipu stepped forward to meet the closest one, ready to take the attack head on and anticipating the range of powers the Bohrok had at their disposal. In melee combat, he had the advantage of the Boxor's long reach, but between the Boxor's slow movements and the way it left the pilot undefended from frontal attacks, Taipu felt terribly vulnerable. Taipu's hand trembled at the controls, but he forced himself to wait for the right moment. The foremost Lehvak finally came into range, and Taipu jammed the left lever forward and the Boxor's hooked claw swung out, catching behind the Lehvak's faceplate perfectly. Taipu pulled back on the lever and ripped the faceplate open. The Lehvak stopped moving as its Krana fell helplessly to the ground, the Lehvak dropping a moment later. Taipu turned to find another target just in time to see another Lehvak slipping out of Kaj's reach, too focused on its opponent to be aware of its surroundings. Taipu pressed forward, ready to rip the Bohrok away even as he heard the sound of another Bohrok plate being ripped open nearby. Something fell on top of him, and two hands clawed at Taipu's face. Taipu yelled in shock as he clutched his mask, holding it firmly in place. A pair of angry Matoran eyes behind a Krana squinted back at him. The Matoran's grabbing hands tried to pry his mask free but they were no match for Taipu's strength. With one hand still holding his mask in place, Taipu snatched at the bright crimson Krana, but fumbled and missed. The Matoran moved to pin one of his arms against the cockpit of the Boxor. Taipu pushed against the attempt, grabbed ahold of the Krana-Matoran, and threw him to the ground. The Matoran scrambled back to his feet, backing away. Taipu moved to chase after him and – "Taipu, watch your left!" Onepu's voice shattered his focus. Taipu turned as he heard the slurp of acid being launched. The acid splashed over his mask, sizzling as it touched metal. Taipu coughed from the fumes as he pulled the mask free, feeling his fingers begin to tingle. He threw his mask to the ground. His hands felt like they were on fire, and he wiped them clean of the acid against the Boxor controls. He began to feel tired, his energy escaping without his mask. He glanced to where he had thrown it. The mask was already eroding, the eyeholes widening, giving it a sad, misshapen appearance. He barely had time to notice the Lehvak rushing him and it was all he could do to push his control forward to throw a punch from the Boxor. The Lehvak slipped to his left, reared up and prepared to launch its Krana at him. A Boxor claw appeared out of nowhere, striking the Lehvak to the side. Onepu marched forward, sending out a flurry of strikes aimed to quickly rip the Bohrok's Krana out. Taipu felt someone's arms unstrap him from the machine, but his vision was blurring and it was becoming difficult to keep his eyes on. "I've got you," came Kaj's voice, but Taipu found himself drifting away. "My mask…" he muttered as the world went dark. "My mask… my mask…" Taipu blinked the sleep out of his eyes. His hands moved groggily to check his mask. It was there. Of course it was there, he wouldn't have woken up if it wasn't. He relaxed for a moment, brushing his hand over it. Something about it didn't feel quite right. It felt bigger, it came down further beyond his chin, and in the corners of his eyes he could see it was tinted green and not black. "What happened to my mask?" "It was lost," came Onepu's voice. "Do not worry! I have procured you a replacement." Taipu pulled himself up. The sun was now high overhead, the brightness forcing him to squint. The Lehvak were lying in the mud, helpless and inactive, and there was a faint smoky scent in the air. There were no more masks on Mata Nui, not that Taipu knew of. The Toa had collected their Masks of Power, and every powerless mask left belonged to a Matoran. "Where did this one come from?" Onepu grimaced for a moment, his eyes sliding towards a bubbling lake nearby. "Best you put it out of your mind. Are you ready to continue?" Taipu pushed himself up from the dirt, and kicked his legs out to test them. "I feel good, I think." In truth, he felt awful and he couldn't stop touching the mask that wasn't quite right, but they were deep in Lehvak territory now and he wasn't about to let Onepu down. "I am glad to hear it. Mount your Boxor, we shall move out at once." The thought of the Le-Koronans remaining under the control of the Krana spurred Taipu on. As soon as he was back in control of his machine, they once again set off towards Le-Koro. Nearby, birds he didn't know the name of sang sweet songs. He hoped their homes wouldn't be destroyed like his had been. He reached a hand up to touch the edge of the strange mask, wondering where it had come from. Perhaps Onepu had taken it from a Le-Matoran's hut. Taipu had heard of villages that handed out trophy masks to particularly skilled athletes, and he remembered the ceremonial golden mask that Lewa had been granted when he and Onua had rescued the Le-Koronans from the Nui-Rama swarm. The more he thought about it, the more Taipu was convinced that it must be some sort of ceremonial mask the Le-Koronans used. Perhaps someday he would be able to return this mask to its rightful owner. "What happened to the Matoran we fought?" he asked. "They fled like cowards before we could liberate them from the Krana," answered Onepu. "Once they saw that we were defeating their Bohrok, they knew they stood no chance against our might." Taipu heard a stifled laugh from Kaj, and wondered for a moment what he could find so funny. "Thank you for saving me." He stroked his new mask one more time. "A Pakari?" "The Pakari - the Mask of Strength," answered Onepu. "Now our masks match, and you look just as strong and brave as I do!" If Taipu had to wear a new mask, he was glad it was this one. In Onu-Koro, Masks of Strength were a symbol of bravery, and were worn by both Onua, the Toa of Earth, and Onepu, the High Commander of the Ussalry. As such, the mask carried a lot of prestige. Of course, this mask only bore the shape of the Pakari - it held no real power, and a Matoran wouldn't be able to harness the abilities of a Mask of Power even if they wore one. Taipu still felt a pang of regret for the loss of his Ruru. As they got closer to Le-Koro, the chirping of birds disappeared, and the stench of burning and decay grew stronger. When they finally reached Lake Kanae, spread out below the village of Le-Koro, Taipu saw a dozen Matoran lying maskless in the dirt, moaning uselessly. A squad of Boxors furiously traded blows with a group of Lehvak while Matoran wearing Kanohi grappled with Matoran wearing Krana. "Onward!" shouted Onepu. "We must defeat the last remnants of the Lehvak and free the Le-Koronans!" He rushed forward, showing no sign of fear. Taipu's heartlight swelled at Onepu's bravery. He pushed his Boxor forward, following behind him into the furious melee. The battle was soon over. Taipu climbed out of his Boxor to help the defeated Matoran. Without their masks, the villagers were helpless. Taipu walked past the empty hull of a Bohrok to pick up yet another mask half-buried in the dirt, abandoned like so many others when the Bohrok used their Krana to control the minds of the villagers. No-one looked at the mask that he had borrowed, nor asked for it back. "Sir!" someone shouted, trying to get the attention of a captain. "Sir!" A hand grasped his arm, and it was then that Taipu realized that it was him the Matoran was shouting at. The Onu-Koronan looked at the mask Taipu was carrying. "Sir, there's a Matoran here who could use that mask!" Still clutching Taipu's arm, the Onu-Koronan led him into thick ferns. "I'm not a captain," Taipu said feebly as he pushed the leaves out of his face. "You don't need to call me 'sir'." "Oh. Sorry, I just assumed with the mask. You know what it's like." Taipu hadn't thought about it much, but he knew some Matoran would make assumptions about other Matoran based on the mask that they wore. A Mask of Strength didn't just signify that a Matoran was physically strong - it was common to assume that a wearer of the Pakari would be courageous as well. In Onu-Koro, Matoran with Pakari were often members of the Ussalry. Maybe that was the same for Le-Koronans as well. He wondered what the original owner of the mask was like - perhaps he was a heroic Kewa flier who had been knocked out of the sky. If that was the case, had Taipu really earned the right to wear this mask? He was no hero. Not really. What had he actually done, after all? He hadn't even tried to help fight the Bohrok invading his home. He hadn't been able to save Onu-Koro. No, real warriors joined the Ussalry, and his penchant for exploration didn't translate much to fighting. A real warrior wouldn't have walked face-first into a burst of acid. Did Nuparu have to deal with people assuming he was in the Ussalry too? A moment later, Taipu was shown a fallen villager struggling to stand, and Taipu placed the mask on his face. The Onu-Koronan nodded to him. "Stay here until he gets up," he suggested before running off, perhaps in search of more Matoran who needed help. While Taipu waited for the glow of the villager's eyes to appear, he caught sight of the ugly flash of a red Krana nearby. He walked over to pick it up. It was disgusting. Soft. Like muscle, but muscle without armor. Spongy too, and flexible. Not like leaves or flowers, which might show off their beauty as they swayed in the breeze. It wasn't natural for flesh to be exposed like this. A thought came into his mind, that he should take off his mask and put this one on, and he wondered how such a horrible idea could have come from him. "What are you doing?" Onepu's voice came from behind him. "That's still dangerous! Throw it on the ground, I will deal with it." "I just wanted to look at it." Taipu dropped the Krana anyway. Onepu grabbed his throwing disc and slammed the edge it into the flesh-thing three times. The Krana faded from an angry red to a gross-looking gray as a strange type of liquid began to leak out. "There. If a rahi accidentally got caught in that, it might have caused trouble. Don't you fret, I won't let the Krana hurt anyone else." Taipu supposed it was for the best. "Have you found any more Kanohi masks?" "The Le-Koronans have been finding lost masks in the treetops, so it shouldn't be long before we find a mask for everyone." Onepu watched with smile in his eyes as two Le-Koronans dropped out of a tree carrying three masks, and vaulted over a log to each place one on a maskless Matoran's face. "We've done great work here. We saved the Le-Koronans! Just look at all the villagers we've rescued." "What about the mask I'm wearing? Doesn't it belong to one of them?" Onepu's eyes drooped. "I told you not to worry about that. Wherever he is, it's probably far away from here." "Do you think Nuparu will have found him?" "Perhaps." Onepu's voice was commanding, but he didn't look at Taipu as he spoke. "I expect he's found another mask of his own. You don't need to worry about him anymore, that mask is yours now." They watched as more Le-Koronans slowly converged nearby, one wailing over the destruction of their home by their own hands. "But where will we go now?" asked Taipu. "Onu-Koro is flooded, Le-Koro is destroyed, and the Bohrok will return." "There are other villages," answered Onepu. "Surely they will take us in." "Ta-Koro," said Turaga Whenua. "It is heavily fortified, maintains a militant defense force, and most importantly, is nearby. Vakama will welcome us all into his protection. Onepu, Taipu, please gather the Matoran so that we can soon march to Ta-Wahi." Taipu nodded in agreement. "Of course, Turaga." They stood on the plains of Le-Wahi, where Nuparu had led a squad of Boxors against the Nuhvok. Even now, Nuparu was hard at work directing some helpers to build a new Boxor from the remains of their enemies. Two villages worth of Matoran filled the field. "Whenua, I would like to take Nuparu to Ga-Koro." Takua spoke to the Turaga with a familiarity that most outsiders wouldn't be comfortable with. "We haven't heard from the Ga-Koronans since the Bohrok emerged. They might be able to make use of a Boxor if they're in trouble." Whenua took a moment, as he always did when answering such questions. It was not his way to respond hastily. "I should have known you wouldn't return with us to your home, Chronicler. Take Damek with you as well. One Boxor may not be enough to make a difference, but two might - and Nuparu has already built enough for us to be able to spare a few!" "Thank you, Whenua," answered Takua with a gleam in his eyes. Their group soon headed off again. Onepu led the march with a group of Boxors, but Taipu had given his to one of the victims of the Bohrok attacks who had not entirely recovered from a splash of acid to his foot which made walking difficult. Taipu didn't mind. He relished the opportunity to really appreciate a walk through the Le-Wahi forest. Although the lush greenery and thick air served to remind him that his underground home was gone, it comforted him to know that the curious creatures eating the fruit in the treetops still had a home in the jungle. The Toa would find a way to stop the Bohrok, but in the meantime he knew he would have to work to protect the island. It wasn't just home to the Onu-Matoran, or even the Matoran in general. Hundreds of species of wild rahi nested on this island. At first, Taipu had marched alongside Onepu, but he soon fell back in the hopes that he might find someone who would recognize the mask he now wore. But all Taipu received from the normally chatty Le-Koronans were pained eyes staring back, their voices too weary from the loss of their homes to hold a conversation with a stranger. Eventually, he spotted a pair of familiar eyes. "Tamaru!" He waved, shouting excitedly. "Tamaru! Hello!" Tamaru glanced up and down at Taipu. "Hello, ground-walker," he answered. "Need help with something?" "I just wanted to say 'hello' to you." "Didn't know I was so far-famed," said Tamaru, sounding embarrassed. "Who are you?" Taipu almost growled. "I'm Taipu!" "Oh. Oh! Forgive but I knew not who you were! Fresh mask you have, wondered what earth-dweller wore such a color!" Taipu crossed his arms, feeling his frustration rise. "Just because I'm wearing a new mask?" "Never seen an earth-dweller wearing tree-bright colors," said Tamaru. Taipu clenched a fist, but said nothing. Regardless, the two walked quietly together for some time. Taipu tried to not let his bitterness over not being recognized get the better of him, and before he knew it the jungle smells had put him at ease and his anger was forgotten. Even so, the endless weight of sadness pressed down upon him. Up ahead, Taipu could still see Onepu and the rest of his squad keeping a watchful eye out for any sign of Bohrok. So far they hadn't encountered any. "Good to be long-walking with you again," said Tamaru. "It is good!" answered Taipu, with an enthusiasm he didn't feel. His eyes drooped to the dirt path. After a moment, he mumbled, "Both our villages are gone." "But Matoran long-live," said Tamaru. "Ground-walkers saved Le-Koronans, so Le-Koro lives on. Even in dark-time, Matoran have unity." Tamaru's optimism was infectious, and Taipu nodded in agreement. "You're right. There is still hope for our island, so long as we can work together." "Perhaps in peace-time Onu-Koro will be rebuilt." "I think so. We have always been miners and diggers, and so we will mine and dig again." Taipu took care to climb over a fallen tree branch. "And Le-Koro, too, perhaps, will be rebuilt." Tamaru's eyes lit up for a moment. "Jungle always grows. Many-years it takes, but Le-Koro is not ever-gone." He pointed to what looked like a clearing a touch to the right of their path. "Lake Pala coming up. Many-time been but not recently. Will show, if you allow it." Tamaru darted off the path. Taipu followed, cutting off a Matoran riding an Ussal crab. He barely registered the angry shouts that followed after him as he tried to catch up to the much faster Le-Koronan. Tamaru was already sitting at the waterside when Taipu got there. For a moment, Taipu thought he must be at the ocean. The lake seemed to go on and on forever, with trees only tiny little dots in the distance. Little birds drank from the lakeside and a strange creature with a mask covering its back slowly drifted across the surface of the lake. He thought there was enough water here to flood Onu-Koro a hundred times over. The reflections of leaves and branches caught his attention and when Taipu looked down, he saw a Le-Matoran staring back at him from the water's surface. It took him only a moment to realize that it was his reflection. His mask looked so different from the way he was used to seeing it when he looked into the waters in the Cavern of Light. If he didn't know who he was, then how would anyone else? He closed his eyes and wished that when he opened them that everything would go back to the way they were. His home drained of water, his mask back to normal. When his eyes came back on, the Le-Matoran was still staring back at him. Lush trees gave way to rocks and hillsides, revealing their destination. Ta-Wahi was all jagged edges and flat plains, and rising smoke marked where open flows of lava streaked down from the Mangai Volcano. However, despite the region's history, there was still greenery here. Groves of trees bore berries and fruits, and Taipu could hear the bleats of Mahi goats as they munched on grass. They soon passed through what must once have been a thriving forest, now dead and desolate. Taipu knew about this place. Once this forest had provided an abundance of food to the Ta-Koronans, but the Ta-Koro Guard had set it aflame to stop Makuta's beasts from attacking the village. Would this happen to the rest of Mata Nui as well? If the Toa couldn't stop the Bohrok, what would? Life on Mata Nui would end. "Almost there," Tamaru panted as they marched up the slopes. In the distance, Taipu could make out the stone tops of a great fortress. "Oh, heat-dry Ta-Wahi is leaving me mouth-parched!" Ta-Koronan guards with their bidents and shields shouted out a warning of the approaching Matoran. As they approached, Taipu could see the bubbling lava stream to his right. The glowing oranges reminded him of the magma in Onu-Koro - dangerous, yet beautiful. Perhaps this was a small part of his home that had survived. They passed through a majestic stone building that would put the Po-Koronan carvers to shame, and Taipu laid his eyes on the familiar Lake of Fire that Ta-Koro rose out of. Four guards carried the husk of a defeated Pahrak over to the edge of the lake. In a coordinated movement, the guards hurled the Bohrok off the ledge to be consumed by the lava. There was a shout from a nearby guard tower. A moment later, great stones began to rise from just above the lava. The air was sweltering - already he could see Tamaru panting - but the sight of the lake of fire filled him with a sense of awe. Taipu carefully placed a foot onto the stone bridge. Despite having just risen from the molten moat, it was surprisingly cool to the touch. As the caravan reached the other side of the stone bridge Turaga Vakama, the leader of Ta-Koro, stepped out onto the platform to greet them. Taipu spotted his friend Kapura standing at Vakama's left hand. The refugees piled into the fortress. With so many Matoran in Ta-Koro's courtyard, some were forced to climb up on ramps and steps, while others gathered around Toa Tahu's Suva. Turaga Whenua and Matau approached Vakama, and the three spoke in hushed tones that Taipu couldn't make out. Taipu remained silent, but murmurs began to spread throughout the group of survivors. Suddenly, Vakama thrust the end of his fire staff into the ground, and raised his hand. "The Village of Fire welcomes its friends from the Villages of Earth and Air," he said. "Our dwellings may be limited in number, but as long as the Bohrok threaten your homes you will find safety within these walls." Despite his enthusiasm, it took a long time for Vakama to organize shelter for everyone. Storage sheds had to be repurposed, and Ta-Koronans had to make room in their homes for the newcomers. Grumbling Matoran carried tools and furniture for the refugees as everyone tried to make room in a village in which the population had tripled in a single day. Taipu slipped away from the long, tedious discussions. He walked back over the stone bridge, down the staircase carved into the stone itself and to the very edge of the lava flows. A Ta-Koro Guardsman watched as Taipu reached the edge of the river, but said nothing. Taipu's throat was incredibly dry, and he had to work to hold back a cough. If it was hot inside the fortress, it was scorching down here. He reached down to pick up a pile of ash. His hand felt like it might burn, but he smeared it over his mask anyway, trying to turn it black. He couldn't be sure he had spread it evenly without a river to peer into, and he accidentally breathed in some of the ashes, coughing uncontrollably for a moment. His hands were covered in soot, but he grabbed for more ash despite his hands feeling like they were on fire. "What are you doing?" Taipu nearly fell over. He turned around to see Kapura watching him. "How did you get here?" "I saw you leaving the village, so I followed. Ashes do not make for good paint - not unless they are mixed with water." Taipu felt his face get even hotter. "I wanted to see what it would be like." "You can buy paint in Ta-Koro, if you wish," answered Kapura. "Will you take me there?" asked Taipu. "I will, but we will have to be quick. I am to head to Ko-Koro to bring word of them to Vakama." Kapura squinted as he carefully looked over Taipu. "Who are you?" Taipu almost couldn't believe his ears. He felt a sob catch in his throat as he realized his efforts were for naught. "It's me, Taipu!" "Oh. New mask." Taipu seethed as they walked back up towards Ta-Koro. Not just one, but two of his friends had failed to recognize him. His hands balled up into fists, and his palms throbbed with pain as he realized they were burnt. He drew a deep breath, and coughed from the ashes. "I can't believe you didn't recognize me," complained Taipu. "Neither did Tamaru. No-one knows who I am anymore." "Then you should put your old mask back on. Then we will know who you are." "It's gone," Taipu uttered. "Oh." Kapura finally made it to the top step, and they set back off under the gate. Taipu followed, thinking of all the things he could do. Paint might help him feel a little bit more normal, but he really needed to get a Ruru. Although there were hundreds of Matoran in Ta-Koro, he worried that they would be too busy to trade masks. Who would want to worry about masks that at a time like this? "Taipu," said Kapura. "Would you like to come to Ko-Koro with me?" Ko-Koro meant snow, something he had only ever seen a handful of times. It was lovely there, even if the Ko-Koronans didn't say much. "Oh, yes! I would love to!" His anger was forgotten, but Taipu still thought about it for a moment. "Can we paint my mask first?" "Yes. You will have to be quick. I will pack supplies, and then we will head off." His mask had dried, leaving it black and scaled. With a bamboo disk in his hand, Taipu prepared to set off. Kapura met him at the gate - along with Tamaru. "I'm coming too!" exclaimed Tamaru. "With the three of us together again, it will be like when we ground-walked to Kini-Nui with Takua!" "We do not have very far to go, but we should set off," said Kapura. "Should we bring a Boxor?" asked Taipu. Kapura shook his head. "We will be going by cable car. Vakama has asked Onepu to travel to Ko-Koro with two Boxors, but they will have to take the long way. We will reach Ko-Koro first." "Cable car?" asked Tamaru. "The most direct way to reach Ko-Koro is by the cable car that spans over the Tren Krom Break," explained Kapura. "The Bohrok have not yet reached it." The guard at the cable car stepped aside as soon as he saw Kapura, but Kapura flashed his symbol anyway. One by one, the Matoran fastened themselves to the cable that spanned over the lava flows. Eyes wide, Tamaru shivered when he reached the opposite ledge, but Taipu helped him to his feet and the three adventurers set off again. "Do you think that Ko-Koro is still there?" asked Taipu, as they trekked through the snow. Kapura's eyes drooped for a moment. "If Ko-Koro is unharmed, it will not be for long. Ko-Koro is well protected by Mount Ihu, but it has fewer guards than Onu-Koro or Le-Koro. That is why we are providing support." "But then why are you the only one being sent?" asked Taipu. "Vakama could send an army!" "Ta-Koro lost many members of the guard when we fought against the Makuta's beasts," explained Kapura. "Vakama has already allowed Jaller to travel to Ga-Koro. If more of the guard leave then there will be none left to protect Ta-Koro." The path to Ko-Koro ran through numerous narrow passageways of ice and rock. Cold winds blew through the ridges. Kapura shivered, but sternly marched on at a steady pace. Taipu marveled at the sights. Despite being so exposed to the wind and elements even as they walked by enormous outcroppings, he wasn't about to let the cold spoil his enjoyment. The snow glistened in the sunlight, painting Ko-Wahi with a white sheen. They got closer and closer to Ko-Koro, beginning to pass by entire cliffs that looked as though they were carved out of the ice. Distracted by the beautiful peaks, Taipu forgot to take care with his footing until he felt his feet begin to slip. He overcompensated and fell, knocking his head on the frozen lake beneath him. It only stung a little, but as he pulled himself up, he saw his reflection in the ice. The obsidian-colored mask looked less jarring than the bright green he last saw himself in, but he still cringed at the appearance of the Mask of Strength. He supposed it should fit him. He had often been praised by his fellow miners for his endless strength and stamina, and he had long admired Onepu and the Ussalry. Yet, despite having modeled himself after Onepu's bravery, he didn't really think he had earned the right to wear a mask of a warrior. He was only a miner, after all. It was silly, he knew - Matoran wore masks that didn't match their personalities all the time, and very few ever chose to trade them. Still, each mask had a meaning behind it and Taipu couldn't help but think about how that reflected on himself. Those that wore the Ruru were thought to be like Turaga Whenua, offering wisdom and shining a light forward in the darkness. As Taipu was the Left Hand of Whenua, he had always tried to emulate those traits. He still had a long way to go, but he felt he had made some progress, and what he lacked in sagely advice he made up for in enthusiasm. Regardless, he was proud of wearing the same mask as the Turaga of Onu-Koro. "Don't worry about ice-admiring," said Tamaru, holding a hand out to help him up. "Close to Ko-Koro now, let us hurry over-snow to reach it!" Ko-Koro loomed in the distance. Taipu hurried on, trying to keep up with Tamaru and Kapura's pace until they passed through the crystal-like gates. Chaos awaited them, the once peaceful village bursting with frenzied activity. A trio of warriors rushed up the stairs to the largest building, the Sanctum, where more shouts were echoing from. Two Matoran huddled near a hut carved out of ice, their whimpering loud enough to cut through the clanging from the soldiers' armor. A villager peered from a dwelling, before sneaking around the side, a knapsack bursting with trophies and tablets clutched in his hands. Without breaking his stride, Kapura continued on into the Sanctum. Taipu and Tamaru exchanged glances, and hurried up behind him through the enormous archway. To Taipu's surprise, the Sanctum was full of dozens of guards, each grasping a pickaxe. Lantern flames danced around the chamber, providing enough light to read the writing that covered every inch of the stone walls. To the left, guards ran in pairs into a tunnel had been bored into the wall of the Sanctum itself.
  19. From book 8: >Onua got Gali to her feet. Gorast scrambled to hers at the same time. “Be careful,” whispered Gali. “She’s dangerous.” "Be careful," onward should be on a new line.
  20. Endless Sea, I pm'd her the day after we got our matches but haven't gotten a response, I'm not surprised she hasn't gotten back to you. Wow Darth Jaller, I thought my 7k odd words would be long, it sounds like you're going to knock me out of the park.
  21. So, is everyone going okay? There are some 10-12 days left and I haven't heard from Tufi so I thought maybe we could do a quick check in to make sure everyone's doing well. I've drafted and edited mine, and am waiting for my beta to get back to me with it.
  22. Awesome work, and thanks for detailing those changes. I feel like this still makes Onua out to be a bit of a liar when he says "I took it away from a part of Lehvak Va." If it were Lewa or Tahu I could chalk it up to them purposely exaggerating, but that doesn't seem in character for Onua. Even though I kind of like the detail of the Lehvak Va carrying masks away, it brings up the question of what exactly they were doing with the masks of all the Matoran they captured. Presumably, they'd either carry all the Kanohi away to throw into a pool of acid, or they'd just leave them where they dropped. If all of the Le-Koronans must find their masks again, it makes more sense to me that the Bohrok would just leave them where they are - in the dirt. I feel like this is the better option but perhaps "I found it near a puddle of Lehvak acid." would be better again? I mean, if it's in a puddle of Lehvak acid, wouldn't it have melted? (And if Kanohi masks don't melt from acid, then are the Lehvak as threatening to the Toa as they're said to be?)
  23. Oh yeah, I do understand that the early years were a little less organized in their story. It was in case TuragaNuva decided he would like to attempt to 'remove' these conflicting narratives from the story in some way.
  24. That doesn't seem right. Have you received a PM from Tufi Piyufi?
  25. I noticed today that in the text of Beware the Bohrok, Onua finds Lewa's mask sitting near a pool of acid. But in the comic, he tells Lewa that he retrieved the mask from a swarm of Lehvak-Va. It seems like a bit of a contradiction.
×
×
  • Create New...