The True Zedd of BZPower

One weird thing I remember was that in the original Mata Nui arc there was a clear division between Rahi and other animals. "Rahi" only referred to the ones Taken over by Makuta (AKA the 2001 villain sets), while everyhting else were just called creatures (the website even had them separated. Then Mask of Light came along and suddenly all animals in the story are and always have been Rahi and shut up it was always like that don't correct us.

I've had an account for twelve long years and I still visit on occasion. I blame BZP for ruining my teen years.

Evil Mcbadguy

Makuta

My ideal MoL remake would be one that doesn't suck but that's wishful thinking.

I recall Greg mentioning at one point that we weren't going to get another movie regardless because TLR wasn't able to sell enough copies before a certain point. Which makes me a happy camper, i still like to think that TLR was just a bad fever dream.

The overall impact on life is minuscule at best.

It's a bad film even on its own merits, showing that was the point of this review. Also, "It's for kids" is never an excuse for something sucking.

I’m not sure whether it’s because of Bionicle incoming return, my own personal boredom, or a combination of other things but I've been thinking a lot recently about the Bionicle films, their themes, their characters and how much of a part of my childhood they were when I was an easily amused teenager. Naturally as a jaded, bitter adult I can now look back on these films with mockery and scorn. Yeah I’m going to come right out and say that these reviews will not be kind ones so just a warning if your feelings are easily hurt by somebody making fun of a LEGO movie. Another thing to get out of the way before we begin: When watching and reviewing these movies I’m going in pretending that I’m not a Bionicle fan, that I never bought any of the toys, books, or games, I never read the comic or played/read the online web videos, games, and serials. I will still bring those things up, either as what I feel is a logical comparison or for snark reasons, but I want to make it clear that “It’s not a plot hole because they explained it in the comic.” Is not and will never be a defense, in fact any film that requires you to read supplemental material to understand what is going on has failed as a film, the writer responsible should be held accountable for it. With all that said, let’s get into the review: The pre-title sequence is actually something I like. It tells us about Mata Nui a god-like being (Yes I said God being deny it all you want LEGO but you know the truth) who brought his people/children/followers called the Matoran to a paradise island that was later named after him. He bestowed upon them the three virtues (Unity, Duty, and Destiny. Be ready to learn those words folks ‘cause you won’t forget them!) And as most legend go, the Matoran lived in harmony. Also as most legends that involve a benevolent God, we get a Satan figure; this time around called Makuta who followed Mata Nui from Paradise and put him to sleep. The Makuta was then “free to unleash his shadows” and then...that’s it. The Legend ends kind of abruptly. This leads us to the first of the films many flaws. See, in every other media from 2001-2003 we heard this legend at least once and it matches the one introduced in MoL, up to a certain point. The running theme in all of them is that Makuta put Mata Nui to sleep but then the six Toa arrived, defeated the Makuta and all went for lunch. This film omits this, and in fact we don’t meet a Toa for several minutes, and heck we don’t learn that much about them until several more after that. I can understand the difficulties of creating a film that is essentially telling only the third part of the story, but all the same it does a very poor job of explaining the period between “Makuta arrives” and “Makutas threats have been defeated.” Anyway the story begins proper with a sweeping environmental shot that then zooms in to one of the Matoran and co-hero of this picture: Jaller supposed Captain of the Ta-Koro Guard (I say ‘supposed’ because we never actually see him doing anything remotely military like) who is looking for his friend, Takua. Who is Takua? Well it turns out he’s a Chronicler. What’s a Chronicler? Well apparently it’s somebody who hops across lava rocks to look at glowing stones. Why is he hopping across lava to look at a stone? Because that’s what Chronicles do of course! Anyway it turns out Jaller and Takua are Kolhii players, and they’re late for their match. What is Kolhii you ask? Well I imagine the story teams initial pitch was “Let’s take Lacrosse, and make it suck even more.” Jaller wants Takua to hurry his butt up, but Takuas desire to channel his inner Indiana Jones means he has to grab the glowing stone. Considering there was a direct pathway leading down to this cavern, plus the presence of hopping stones, I’m going to assume that the village leaders knew about this stone and that means Takua is stealing public property. In true Indiana Jones fashion, taking the glowing stone sets off a trap, in this case a massive wave of liquid hot magma, but before it does the stone falls in the water to reveal: I bet it has a chocolaty interior. Anyway, seeing a massive wave of lava heading toward him Takua does the logical thing and jumps on his lava board into the middle of the lava lake. Some people make call you an idiot for doing this Takua, and I’m one of them. But thankfully for the deformed midget, his hero and protector of Ta-Koro, Toa of Fire Tahu arrives to save him. What’s a Toa? We don’t know yet. Who is Tahu? No idea. Why was he in the lava cave? Best guess would be to set off volcanic eruptions and save terrified midgets. Why does he decide to endanger one of the villagers live recklessly? Because he’s Tahu and he can do what whatever the heck he wants. Minor detail: But from where they are, how far they fell, and at the rate Tahu is suing to climb the rock it should take him like two hours at the least to get all the way to the top of the lava falls. This would mean Jaller had been standing in one spot moping for two hours straight before Tahu threw his swords at him for no reason other than to be a jerk. So FINALLY after expressing interest in a mystical mask and solving lava shenanigans our two young heroes (I think they’re supposed to be young anyway considering they both act like a couple of twelve year olds, which makes Jallers appointment to Guard Captain even more baffling) and their crab get their things together and...Wait did Jaller just take Takuas bag? He did! In fact why did Takua bring an empty bag with him in the first place? It’s way too small for a big rock, and even if it was for that why didn’t he bring the bag with him? For that matter why leave his stuff near a random archway instead of loading it on his crab? Regardless as our intrepid young heroes make their way to lacrosse, we hear the narrator (now revealed to be Turaga Vakama, an elder) exposit that the Toa are six heroes’ who ‘represent the elements’ and because of them the world is in an age of peace. This is most certainly not information we could have used at the beginning of the film because why bothering creating a world when you just assume everybody knows what you’re talking about. During this speech we’re introduced to two more Toa: Gali, Toa of water and winner of the “Most freakish body proportions in an animated film” award and Pohatu, Toa of Stone and Patron of Kolhii. We also find out that Gali and Tahu don’t like each other much as evidence by their nonchalant put downs of each other. I hope you liked their banter kids because this plot point is promptly dropped after this scene and their animosity is never brought up again, because who needs on-screen Character development? Also through that little exchange we saw the Turaga watching them before Vakama resumed his own speech. Did they just pause everything so they could chuckle at their saviors personal feuds? Anyway after a few more words and Triple D word references (*insert joke not appropriate for BZP here*) we finally get to the Kolhii tournament, brought to you by The Pod Race, Quiditch and other fictional sports designed solely to pad out their respective mediums. Well since we’re here, who are the competitors? We’ve already been introduced to junior league Guard Captain and Indiana Jones wannabe: Jaller and Takua. The other teams are the female Ga-Matoran team consisting of “I’m one of three characters with a unique mask” Hahli, and “I’m irrelevant” Macku, and the Po-Matoran Kolhii champions “Our presence is pointless” team consisting of Hewkii and Hafu. The game gets underway and...Ugh it’s just midgets hitting a metal ball with sticks for five minutes. Whoopee freaking doo. In the middle of the game Hahli throws some flirtatious comments towards Jaller (something that should probably be against regulations). Anyway Takua pulls off a really stupid looking move that honestly looks as though it could never work and the game ends (I know I skipped through it but there was honestly nothing to talk about). The move costs him the game and Team Gurl Power wins. After this the teams take a bow and...What’s this? Why it’s the glowing Mcguffin! I guess we actually have to get the plot moving at some point, so the Turaga gather everybody around a glowing temple thingy and translate the words on the back of the mask. As it turns out it’s a Mask of Light (WHAT A SHOCK) and it is to be worn by a Seventh Toa or as Gali helpfully points out: “The Prophecy is being fulfilled.” Yes, Gali the audience has figure that out, for that matter I’m quite positive everybody in that scene is aware a prophecy is being fulfilled, although I won’t let that stop your excitement. As the scene continues we find out that the Seventh Toa is one who will “bring light to the shadows” and finally hit the Snooze button on Mata Nuis alarm. We also find out that this Toa must be found on the island somewhere, and that a Herald will be the one to do it. Who is the Herald? Well it’s Jaller of coarse! Because a light...shined on him. OK, I get they want to push the angle that Takua knows he’s the real herald and wants to avoid the responsibility for unexplained reasons (all he has to is hold a mask and walk, it’s not difficult), but nobody else every once thinks “Hang on, Takua found the mask in the first place, and it was touch him when the light shined on Jaller. Perhaps he’s the Herald?” But no, we have to force this conflict somehow and Darn it this is how we do it! Right after this we find out that, according to Tahu all Makutas threats had been defeated but they never mention if they directly fought Makuta himself. Perhaps that’s something they should have taken care of instead of watching Lacrosse games. Anyway we also find out that Gali already took off before the meeting was over, you’d think she would have wanted to stick around and discuss the matter with her fellow Toa but I think she felt so proud of herself for telling everybody about fulfilled prophecy that she pulled a George Costanza and left on a High Note. Where did she go you ask? Well it turns out a lush jungle which houses a Great Temple is only a short walk away from the active Volcano, and Gali went here to “Ponder the Great Thoughts.” While here she sees a “Seventh Star” Looks to be a lot more than seven to me Gali, but I’m sure another prophecy fulfilling itself fills you with too much joy to notice. But what’s real import is the scene segues, not just any segue mind you but one that finally introduces us to our villain! It only took 17 freaking minutes but here we are introduced to Makuta, recent graduate of the “Beginners tropes for kids villains.” What tropes you ask? Well let us count the ways: 1. Shadowy lair that hides his true features? Check 2. Deep, booming voice virtually interchangeable with other deep voiced villains? Check. 3. Psudeo-Cryptic clues? Check 4. Obsession with Monologueing? Check It is through this monologueing that Makuta tells us that the Seventh Toa has “Begun its approach” and apparently blames Matoran prophecies for this. Being a villain, the plot dicates he has to stop this so we’re introduced to creatures that “Should never see the light of day” (even though they do see the light of day so not sure why he needed to add that). He cleverly introduces their powers and then sends his ‘sons’ off their merry way to wreak mayhem, or as much as mayhem as they can as we’ll soon see. With that Exposition out the way, we return to Ta-Koro where the protagonists are finally beginning their journey. Being that this is an incredibly important quest that could be filled with danger and peril the Toa and Turaga are doing everything in their power to- Oh, all they get is a giant crab? Well as long the enemy doesn’t hit her weak point for max damage I’m sure they’ll be fine. Before setting out Hahli and Jaller exchange some more completely platonic and in no way flirtatious dialog. I do question why Hahli was even still there considering she should have left with her village, but I’ll just assume she stuck around to gloat about her victory. So Jaller and Takua set off and...Wait a minute Are they lowering the bridge BEFORE the traveler’s make their way across? That seems like an incredibly dangerous and easily fixed safety measure. But enough of that, we return to Gali, still meditating at the temple but not for long as a dark shadow begs to gather in the sky, birds flock away in terror as the Sons of Makuta emerge from the temple! I...wait if Makuta is implied to have all these tunnels underground then why have his minions emerge in an incredibly obvious place? Why not come out in one of the remote areas and not attract attention? Anyway, Gali gets the heck out of there before realizing the creatures are heading for Ta-Koro, and swims after them. Knowing full she has to warn her friends and inform them about the Prophecy being fulfilled. She gets there quickly (again, how freaking close are these places? It’s called a sense of scale movie!), and she along with Tahu and the army of clones they have guarding the city prepare for battle. Also: Just saying. So the minions (now revealed to be Rahkshi) attack, but the Toa are ready for them as Tahu raises his magic shield and...gets knocked out instantly, Huh. Well do not fear the Toa of Water will raise her blades and get...flung...several...feet. Oh geez, we’re going to lose aren’t we? Well the Rahkshi attack brings proper as the beasts casually stroll through the streets of Ta-Koro, and if that wasn’t evil enough, one of them begins moving knocking around small stones! Enraged by this act of mild vandalism, Tahu charges with fury to the Rahkshi, in his rage he jumps over it for no reason, stabs his swords into the ground AND.... Causes the ground to glow slightly. No wonder they need a new Toa. Anyway Gali realizes how utterly inept her brother Toa is and wisely suggest they retreat and regroup. Tahu isn’t convinced at first but another sentence from Gali gets him to agree with her. But the attack isn’t over as the Rahkshi continue their aggressive assault. First by punching a small hole in a wall and then knocking over some more carefully balanced stones. The monsters! Well it does lead to the only funny scene in the movie: I admit it. I get a chuckle very time I see it. Anyway Tahu continues his brilliant tactic of “shoot fire around the enemy instead of at them” but this is once against foiled as his fire barrier is taken down by...poison? Screw it I’m not even going to question that by this point. What I am going to question is this: So the Rahkshi had been able to knock Tahu down and with a clear advantage it...tries to choke him with its staff? Why not just blast him with poison when you had the chance? For that matter we see later that the Rahkshi can channel their power through their whole staff so why not do that now? If can’t do that then why did Makuta only design certain ones to have that ability? Well regardless the two wrestle for a bit before being blasted by Galis water, the result of which gives Tahu a nasty cut on his face/mask/whatever they are in this film. With the battle lost and the city falling apart, the two Toa lava surf out of there. While the Rahkshi commit one final act of vandalism as they break a small stone statue, the savages. Well with that incredibly stupid action scene out of the way the characters take a guess as to where the plot will take them next. Vakama explains the Rahkshi didn't kill anybody because of the PG rating they couldn't find what they were looking for. They actually use their brains for once and realize the Rahkshi are after Jaller and Takua, Tahu wants to go after them alone but Gali says they should gather the other Toa. This was one of the times when the film tries to push the whole “The Toa aren't united” angle but fails at it as I’ll explain later. But back to our protagonists. They are now in the jungles of Le-Wahi, how much time has passed since they left? How long did it take them to get here? Heck if I know because this films track of time would cause Clock King to commit suicide. Anyway they spend the next couple minutes bickering about nothing before reach our next laughable ‘action piece’ as the two are attacked by an Ash Bear. What is an Ash Bear you ask? Well nobody knows for sure but common theory is that it’s a fan of Ash Ketchum. Anyway one scene of comical life threatening hijkinks later, the Bear is captured by vines. Vines controlled by who you ask? Why it’s Lewa, Toa of Air and Mata Nuis resident Irish Hippie Native American, depending on his scene. Lewa tells them that he knows about their quest and offers to help, by way of giving them a Gukko bird to fly on. I can imagine learning how to fly live birds takes many years of practice and focus to master, which is why the brave and noble Toa of Air throws the small villagers on a random bird with no restrains or instructions. I’m going to assume Lewa has been indulging in special “Jungle plants” if you know what I mean. So Lewa leads them high above the cloud and up a cliff (a place which he only assumes they’re going, should they be following the mask?) and causes the Gukko bird to crash into the snow, and based on how it landed it looks like its wings might be injured: Well regardless “we’re here,” again how did you know you were supposed to be here? Did you read the script? But sadly Lewa finds out via repetitive drums that Ta-Koro is destroyed and must go to the other Toa. He also promises to go see Jallers village right afterward, but lucky for him they’re the same destination so that’s good for him. So, Lewa takes to the skies while Jaller and Takua head out through the snow on foot, presumably leaving the poor Gukko to die a slow cold death. Marching through the snow on a pair of broken skies, the two continue to bicker about who the real Herald is before running into BOHROK!!! What are Bohrok? Those things. What, think the movie will actually explain what they are? You wish, this film is for REAL fans *puts on sunglasses*. Anyway it turns out their frozen, and the one who did the freezing was Mr White Christmas himself, Kopaka Toa of Ice. It turns out the two were unknowingly following him, which might be why he gives them the cold shoulder. As the two exposit, we cut to the edge of Ta-Koro (again) where we see Tahu, Gali, and Lewa worry about how they’ll defeat the baddies. We also see Tahus’ scar seemingly get worse and the scene ends with nothing of importance happening. Whoopee. We go back to our other heroes chilling out when we see that Ko-Koro has been attacked apparently. The three lose their cool as the Rahkshi attack and Kopaka send the two away and prepares to kick some ice. Well he was going to but then he gets knocked down the hill with the others, before getting knocked out cold. Jaller remains frozen with terror while Takua jumps onto a nearby lake with Kopakas shield and desperately tries to paddle away. However his junior paddling skills don’t help him and the Rahkshi are...all knocked out the sky by a single blast from Kopaka before promptly being frozen in ice. So far Kopaka has down more than all four of the other Toa combined. Best character so far? Best character. Anyway he gives them a compliment before giving them the cold shoulder again and heading off. The other two meanwhile realize it’s been more than five minutes since a scenery change and head into the tunnels. But the threat has passed and the film should be winding down right? *36 minutes left* Oh jeez. Well anyway the two wander into the tunnels before somehow being separated (I saw ‘somehow’ because I’m not sure how they could have but whatever) and Takua is confronted by...EYES! Actually it’s Makuta here to remind us all he still exists and to make what is quite frankly an incredibly transparent and equally lame threat on Jallers life if Takua doesn't give him the mask. Well being that he’s essentially their Satan, any promises of safety are blatant lies and only an idiot would keep this conversation to himself and quit right? Which is exactly what Takua does because quite frankly he is an idiot, and an incredibly self-absorbed one to boot. Why should we cheer for him again? Oh it’s a kids movie? Well that fixes all the plot holes nice and right. We also see that Makuta has three more color-coded Rahkshi that he unleashes. While that stupidly is going on we are introduced to Onua, Toa of Earth and final Toa to be introduced 41 minutes in. Pacing! He’s apparently Pohatu’s BFF and the two exchange pleasantries before Pohatu tells the gathered Onu-Matoran that the Mask of Light has been found (word evidently travels at a snail’s pace on this island), just as Takua sulks in. He lies about why they split up before the village is attacked by the new baddies. Onua fights them using the same Toa tactic of “Attack the ground and hope I hit something” before using the other Toa tactic of “lightly push their staff” before having his power drained. Pohatu, being enthralled by such riveting action finally gets it in his head to help Onua by using yet another tried and true Toa strategy: “Run very slowly toward the enemy and get hit by an easily avoidable blast.” The Rahkshi however overcome the brilliant battle plan. Takua meanwhile realizes he’s the protagonist which means he instantly changes moods and bravely stands up to the Rahkshi. Not to fear though, for Tahu has arrived to do what Tahu does best: Get knocked out instantly. Lewa also swoops in and picks up both Takua and the crab (which he can do now apparently), flying them off to safety. Tahu meanwhile got a face full of anger (seriously) and in his enraged state...does exactly what he does before IE: shoot fire at the ground. Gali, unsure if this is a prophecy being fulfilled or not does not know if she can help him. So naturally all it take is for Kopaka to arrive out of nowhere and freeze Tahu solid. Like a boss. Back with the Rahkshi and pals, Onua finally does something correctly and brings the cavern down on them...resulting in himself and Pohatu getting buried along with most of the village. He also almost killed the other Toa. Smart. Regardless Takua and the other Toa did escape, and in the case of the latter Tahu is brought to a jungle where the other three begin preparations to help. To cure poison and magic anger they must “Summon all the healing powers we possess” because those are powers they have now. More specifically they shock him with a type of energy and then Gali covers him with water. Good to know that stuff just washes right off. Afterward, Gali questions if they have ‘lost their unity’ (I’m going to assume there isn’t a prophecy to be fulfilled concerning that) and Kopaka, realizing how stupid this conversation will be buggers off to be awesome. Also wait a second: -Cold attitude -Does feats no other person can -Able to appear/disappear at will. Kopaka is Batman. This is canon. Try to prove me wrong. But now for a tangent about this “Unity” subplot. This whole time the film tries to push the idea that the Toa aren't united and won’t stand together...but that’s a load of bull BECAUSE THAT’S ALL THEY DO IN THE FILM! The ONLY one who is actively against working with the others is Tahu, and even then it’s implied that’s only because of the poison. For every other Toa the only reason they don’t come to help is because they don’t know there’s a crisis: Lewa and Kopaka go help without prompting or hesitation, Pohatu and Onua obviously like the other Toa, Kopaka only leave the other sot help those two. They are untied for this whole film! This is not a conflict! THIS IS A PLOT THAT FAILS ON EVERY POSSIBLE LEVEL! Ugh, speaking on abandoned plots Takua rejoins Jaller and the two instantly forgive each other before continuing on to Kini Nui: The great Temple (Tahu wakes up in the middle of this but that isn't important). Upon getting there the Mcguffin of Light begins to glow brighter and blasts away part of a statue; however the two are instantly besieged by Rahkshi! Six Rahkshi in fact! Well never fear for the Toa are here, including two that by all accounts should be dead. “Brothers we thought we lost you” Yeah you should great concern for them off-screen I’m sure. Perhaps their survival fulfills a prophecy. Well using the power of plot convenience, the Toa finally go on the offensive, Tahu and Lewa trap the first three in glass (which I’m sure will do a great job of holding creature who can break apart solid stone and ice), while Gali uses their own stupidly against them to knock one out. But there are still two left so let’s use teamwork. Pohatu ties their hands, Onua drops rocks on them, Tahu melts the rocks, Gali cools and lava and Kopaka freezes them. ..... Why not just freeze them outright instead of doing all those other things? Seems like you could do that easily. Perhaps Kopaka knew he could, but chose not to so his stupid friends could feel special. But aren't we forgetting something? Oh yes there’s still one more evil lizard man left, and he’s attack the midgets. Now instead of doing the sensible thing like, running for cover. The two just stand there and Takua allows himself to get blasted by fear. Jaller does the always intelligent move of running up to an enemy and grabbing its magic staff, the result of which pumps him chock full of fear energy which sadly kills him. Somehow. I've stopped caring. Moved by the sacrifice, Takua realizes he must fulfill the demands of the plot and puts on the mask Becoming Takanuva! Toa of Light! DUN DUN DUUUUUUU THIS WAS OBVIOUS FROM THE BEGINNING! Takanuva does what any sensible Toa would do after achieving the powers of light, and that’s create a giant statue of himself in the middle of a sacred temple, because selfishness and egotism are ideal qualities for a hero. Another shoddy blocking detail here: Jaller gets pumped full of fear and that’s fine, we see the Toa jump up behind the Rahkshi, but as soon as Takua becomes a Toa he blasts the Rahkshi with some light energy, were the Rahkshi and Toa just standing around for like three minutes while the death scene played out? With that out the way Takanuva briefly mourns his friend before ripping apart his enemy’s corpses and making a vehicle. According to him it will lead him to Makuta because “What is the Makutas, will return to him” How do you know that? Did you read the script? Is the script in one of those compartments? Well, anyway Hahli shows up and places Jallers mask on the vehicle, a mask she obviously took for his monument so in addition to gloating and unprofessional game conduct we can add “grave robber” to Hahli’s resume. Takanuva says he has to face Makuta alone because the other Toa are incompetent idiots that will slow him down. Well that’s not the reason he gives, but you can tell he’s thinking it. He hops aboard the vehicle which...takes him down a short tunnel to a very large and easy to spot door. What was the point of the vehicle? Also Hahli snuck aboard the very small vehicle without anybody noticing. The two enter Makutas lair and Hahli is sent away almost immediately (why did she even bother to come?) and two prepare for their final battle! What challenge will Makuta, lord of shadow be to the legendary Toa of Light? What awesomeness could this battle possibly entail...oh. “A simple game of Kolhii.” .......... Screw you LEGO. As the lamest of all lame confrontations occurs, Hahli rallies the gathered Matoran saying that they should all go down to the tunnels together and be easy fodder for the lord of evil. The smart thing to do would be to send the Toa down first, defeat Makuta and then bring everybody else down to wake up Mata Nui but that implies the characters are smart so they pointlessly endanger the lives of innocent villagers instead. It goes about as well as you expect before Takanuva pulls off his move from the beginning (foreshadowing FTW) and knocks Makuta off his feet. Makuta tells him that Mata Nui has to sleep because “awake he suffers” Takanuva suddenly decides to pull off Makutas face and two tumble into Makutas stylish indoor pool. Why does this happen? Because the plot says so (I’m sure it also fulfills a prophecy, Gali must be ecstatic) and the new combined being opens up the door and let’s them in, but not before using a brand new power to bring Jaller back to life. This also results in the door crushing the mutant. Now I could rant on end about how Jallers death is cheapened but I can appreciate the message that if even if you can save your friends, you might not be able to save yourself and it’s a Good Morale .............. WHYYYYYYYYY! HOW DID YOU DO THAT? WHAT CAUSED THIS! TELL ME! STOP NARRATING AND AH SCREW IT! Their faces glow and we see a city the end. Alright so that was Bionicle: Mask of Light. I’ll admit it’s not the worst CG kid’s film out there but good lord it’s stupid, filled with plot wholes, threads that either go nowhere or are resolved way to quickly and an ending that just makes me shake my head in shame. Alas, there are three more of these things I plan to review. Oh and believe me folks, this is just the beginning.

I say "Bonkles" it catchy, funny, and a good in-joke for fans.

I'm 'back' in the sense that I'm posting more. I've lurked semi-frequently for the past year or so. Anyway I've been here since 2003, gone through many different usernames, had two points of PE docked with my first year, got them back with my premirship, wrote comediennes, wrote unfinished epics and was a player in the RPG forum for most of my last couple years.

I'll mention it if it gets brought up but it's not something I talk about often.

I would just start with Chronicles 4, and beyond that stick with the comics/MNOG for the Mata Nui arc. The Hapka books aren't worth getting unless you absolutely have to read the mediocre Shadow Toa fight.

Agree wholeheartedly. I mean the technical side of things seemed well done, but the story was just awful-slash-non-existent. Even the technical side wasn't great. The music was forgettable, they actually used several ridiculous stock sounds Yeah, the environment were OK but the character models just looked so stiff and to much like the toys. Plus those stupid spinning gears. Also that Mata Nui sequence in the beginning was just laughably bad. I felt like i was watching an episode of ReBoot.

BZP isn't the best place on the 'net but i'll always have a soft spot for this place regardless of where I go.

As I understand it, Big D is an Edlrich Creature existing within the netherworld of the web, who accepts Premier money as a cover for true payment: Part of your soul. Granted souls are overrated which is why I gave him mine when I was 14, wasn't using it anyway.

before TLR came out I couldn't comprehend what 70 minutes of pure nothing felt like. Now I know.

I can safely say that LoMN is without a doubt the one Bionicle movie that I do not think sucks as much as as the rest. Congrats B2 on being sub-par at best. You must be proud.

People can talk to him over there because those boards are owned directly by LEGO and not fan-made.

HE WAS A GIANT ROBOT ALL ALONG!

GregFs blog and the answers topic were the only thing keeping me around this site in the last years. Shame we won't get it again. Still, a Bionicle Reboot looks promising although in my now much more critical-minded state i'll probably just buy the books to whine about them on this place.

You know, dead people not being revived on Voya Nui makes even less sense when you consider the Ignika. Let me explain, back in the day it was revealed that the Ignika could only perform its countdown while inside the MU. Somebody asked Greg why its countdown still activated during the 06/07 story and Greg responded that it still worked because Voya Nui was still part of the MU even if it was outside it, and it worked in the ocean because everybody was literally on top of the robot at that point. So shouldn't the same rules apply to the Red Star?

Oh man, seeing this topic is a major blast from the past. You probably don't remember GG, or at least my username (I was known as Infessted teran, The Terminator, Infessted Terminator and several more since then). Your stories were always funny, dark, and engaging. I have no hesitation to call you the best writer BZP ever had. I'll have to re-read Makutas Island again at some point, and possibly get your book if I can afford it.

The first of what I hope to be a long series. UNIFICATION Turaga Mahoku, leader of the southern fire village was not in a happy mood. He hadn’t been in a happy mood for some time actually, he had regretted giving up his Toa power almost instantly after doing it on hundred years ago. Losing his powerful Toa body, having his Great Mask of Mind Control reduced, his diminished elemental powers, and his ability to fight evil...now all he fought were other Turaga in a battle of words, and when he wasn’t doing that, he was attending to reports and micro-managing this little spit of a village on the northern border of the White Quartz Mountains., the most exciting thing he had heard was that a safe path through the tunnels had been dug by the Onu-Matoran, allowing them easy access to the Bara Magna desert to the south. Not that he had ever planned to use it...until now. “Turaga?” Mahoku glanced upwards at the red and orange Agori standing in front of him in his hut. He still hadn’t gotten used to working with this strange organic species, and he didn’t really want to with their disgusting way of consuming energy and their biological reproduction. But he was stuck with them, and this one a younger fellow named Croyus was his right-hand in this joint Agori/Matoran village. He was bright, albeit a bit eager to please. “Send a reply back to Turaga Takanuva.” The Turaga groaned. “Tell him I’ll be present at the conference, for all the good that will do.” “At once, Turaga.” Croyus turned to leave but stopped. “Oh and before I forget...” He pulled out a roll of paper from his pocket. “Here’s the monthly Chroniclers report, it came with Takanuvas request.” “Anything interesting?” Mahoku asked, taking the paper and opening it. “The Skakdi have attacked a Vorox village on the border of the Lewa region.” Croyus replied. “So I see. It must be why Dume wants to speak with the village leaders.” The Turaga said disinterested. “I don’t know why Kopeke insists on writing these reports, it’s not like it affects us.” “Sir!” Croyus said, shocked. “The Lewa region is the border of the Forest tribes-“ “I know where it is Mahoku snapped. “I’ve seen the new map. That region is miles from where we are.” “But the Skakdi...” “...are barbaric and stupid.” Mahoku finished for him. “Besides, if they’re attacking the Vorox then I consider it a favor to us, maybe they can wipe each other out.” “But what if they’re not just attacking the Vorox?” Croyus said quickly. “They’ve been pushing at our borders ever since they established their Empire one hundred years ago.” “We fought them back when Makuta was controlling them.” Mahoku was now getting irritated. “The Toa and your Glatorian can handle them if they get out of hand. Now if you’re quite finished I have work to do.” Croyus repressed a groan. “Very well Turaga.” The Agori walked out of the hut. When he was gone Mahoku looked at the paper in his hand the set it on fire with his power. He did not know why they had started using this paper instead of stone tablets. ****************************** Croyus stomped through the village in the fury. Having to deal with this Turaga every day was always a task in of itself, but his complete disregard for the other regions was intolerable. Before moving to this village he had been told great tales of the noble Toa and their wise elders, the Turaga but listening to Mahoku grumble about Agori food and their inability to lava farm made Croyus wish the Great Beings had never created the Biomechanical grump. Croyus was so bothered by this that he almost collided into Krepe. “Easy there!” The Ta-Matoran said cheerfully. As usual there was a bright smile on his red Kakama. “Turaga in a foul mood?” “How’d you guess?” Croyus asked. “Because you look like you’re ready to strangle something.” Krepe replied. “You always look angry when the Turaga does.” “The Turaga is angry every day.” Croyus said, continuing his walk. Krepe followed. “Exactly.” Croyus had to smile. Krepe was the left-hand of the village; as far as Matoran went he was easy to get along with, at least easier than the Turaga. But Croyus was bothered by his always cheerful mood. It made him feel...uneasy. “So I take it he didn’t take the conference summon very well.” Krepe continued. “Nope.” Croyus replied. “Didn’t seem to care much about the Skakdi either.” “Should he?” Krepe asked as they walked to the edge of the village. “Of course!” Croyus snapped. “It’s not like Matoran and Agori are in danger of being attacked by those brutes. Especially considering your lot brought them with you to the planet!” “Hey that’s not fair.” Krepe said seriously. “It’s not like we chose to move in with you, besides do you know how many Skakdi he killed during the Makuta reign?” “I thought Toa weren’t supposed to kill.” “Believe me, they did back then.” Krepe looked down over the lave fields where the Ta-Matoran worked below. “Mahoku risked his life for us in the Universe, he does care. It’s just that the issues of other tribes shouldn’t concern us.” “Why shouldn’t they?” Croyus napped again. “One hundred years ago the Agori tribes were being bled dry by the Skrall, we couldn’t do anything because we were so obsessed with our tribal pride and isolation. But when we finally unified, when we finally let go of out isolation we drove the enemy back. I thought nothing could stop us...” Croyus paused. “But then, after the great merging we all scattered about again. That unity we experienced was gone and now we’re isolated and vulnerable again. The Skakdi, Vorox, even some Skrall tribes all know this. They’re just waiting for the right opportunity to wipe us all out. Agori and Matoran alike.” “You may be right.” Krepe said. “That’s why Takanuva is calling this conference I’m sure.” “Maybe he’ll change the other Turagas minds. I hope.” “It’s unlikely. But I know one good thing will come out of it.” Croyus looked at the once again smiling Krepe. “At least we won’t have to deal with Turaga grumpy for a couple weeks.” Croyus did have to smile at that. Maybe things would turn out alright for them after all. ****************************** One week later, Mahoku was sitting in the back of a passenger cart pulled by a Sand Stalker. On each side of the cart was a Glatorian riding their own Sand Stalker, and at the front, leading the cart on his own mount was Toa Norik. They had been riding through the White Quartz tunnels for two days and the Turaga was getting impatient. “How much further?” He called to the agitated Norik, who had no heard that question at least one every hour since they left. “Not long now.” Norik called back. “Just past this next turn and we’ll be on the Desert border.” “About time.” Mahoku groaned. “We would go faster if it was not for these organic animals having to stop every few hours.” He glanced at the two stone-faced Glatorian. “How they can exist with such a dependency on constant water, food, and rest is beyond me.” “Do you not require water too?” The Glatorian asked, seemingly against his better judgment. “Of course I do! But not as much as you, or a Water Toa for that matter.” The Turaga gave a low chuckle. “Speaking of which, didn’t you have a team Norik?” “Yes.” Norik replied curtly. His patience with this Turaga growing tired. “They are attending to their own tribes.” “Exactly as it should be!” Mahoku exclaimed. “Toa only need to stand together during times of great need, not casually! I only ever worked with my team during the Makuta war. Even then, I made sure it was only business, don’t want those other elementals getting in the way of things. I sure as Kharz don’t want us to be unified; can you imagine having an Air Toa lead us? He’d probably make us all speak in that stupid slang of theirs.” Norik did not respond. He had learned a long time ago to treat all Turaga with respect even if they were wrong. The small caravan rode in silence for a few more hours before finally emerging at the tunnel opening to the bright sun of the Bara Magna desert, or at least what was left of it. Most of the desert had been made fertile after the melding, and what was left of the actual desert was now being taken up by the massive prone form the Great Spirit robot. Despite having one hundred years to take it apart, most of the robot was still intact albeit with several large holes indicating where the various species had taken it apart for materials and resources. From their vantage point the group could see the robot, the vast jungle of Bota Magna to the west, and even in the distance were able to see the columns of smoke rising from the rebuilt factories of New Xia in the south. If one looked hard enough they could even see the waters of Aqua Magna Just down the road from the tunnel they saw a fork with a sign: SOUTH: --TESARA -MATA NUI TEMPLE -VULCANUS -XIAN TRADE BORDER WEST: -NOKAMA REGION -GA-KORO NORTH -AQUA MAGNA WEST SHORE EAST -MATAU REGION -LE-KORO WEST -VORAX BORDER “See?” Mahoku said as they went south. “Some threat the Skakdi are. They are so far east that we don’t even have them on a sign here. As far as I’m concerned the Le-Matoran and jungle Agori need to handle their own problems. We fire types can’ come to their aid forever! As usual Norik and the Glatorian did their best to ignore the Turaga. ********************************* Mata Nui temple...formerly the location of the Agori village, Arena Magna had been constructed almost immediately after the merging as a place to hold conferences such as this one. As Bara Magna was considered to be neutral ground it felt like the best place of the Turaga and Agori elders to meet and solve any issues that were occurring among the tribes via diplomacy, and it helped that the already damaged arena just barely escaped being crushed by the robot. In the past one hundred years it had been barley been used and Turaga Takanuva, one of the few inhabitants had until recently considering tearing it down. But now its reason for existing was clear, Takanuva knew what he had to do in this conference...re-unify the tribes. But he was doubting how well the idea would go over. “SILENCE!” Turaga Dume called over the commotion. Around a massive table sat at least a dozen Turaga and Agori elders from across the Matoran controlled lands Among them were Takanuva, Turaga Dume, and three of the Turaga Nuva: Gali, Onua, and Kopaka. At the room entrances stood Toa and Glatorian at gaurds, and among the leaders were the various Matoran aids, and finally there was Kopeke with a pin and paper in the corner ready to write everything down. As soon as they heard Dume’s voice, the room fell silent. “My fellow leaders.” He spoke quietly. “We have called you all here today to discuss the future of our lands. Agori and Matoran alike. What we decide could determine the very fate of our people.” He scanned the room with a pricing glare. “I now allow Turaga Takanuva, host of this meeting to have the floor.” Dume sat back in his chair and Takanuva stood up. His Noble Avohkii having a look of concern. “My fellow tribesmen.” He said. “Change has come before us. The old ways are no longer enough, if we do not act now we-“ “CAN’T TO THE POINT!” A Jungle Agori wearing wood armor yelled. Several laughed, Dume banged his staff. “Stay silent Armanus. Or I will have you thrown out. Continue.” Undeterred by this, Takanuva continued: “As I was saying, change is upon us. The Skakdi are pressing at our borders and if we do not act now then they will overwhelm us. We need a way to stand up against them. We need to unify the tribes under a single government.” There were several conversations that instantly broke out over this. Kopeke began scribbling down on his paper Dume banged his staff again. “I know this is something many of you are against, Mata Nuis final message to us was to not place all our faith in him, and by extension one person but I feel like we cannot honor that wish.” “Who cares about Mata Nui?” Armanus shouted. There were several out cries over this from the Turaga. Dume once again had to bang his staff to keep order. “I’m warning you elder, if you do not cease your interruptions...” “Hold on Dume.” Takanuva said quietly. “Armanus clearly has something he wants to say.” “Thank you, Turaga.” Armanus sneered. “While I don’t believe in your Great Spirit, I feel that his message is correct. We should not place our faith in one person, or one group of people for that matter. It always causes trouble. Am I the only Agori here who remembers the Core War?” “That works against you.” Raanu, who was sitting next to Takanuva spoke up. “The Core War was caused by the Elemental Lords, beings who started that war because of tribal differences. If they had spoken with one voice instead of six then it could have been prevented!” “But who gave the Elemental Lords their power and thus encouraged those differences?” Aramnus countered. “The Great Beings, our rulers who tried to make us act as one but utterly failed and tried to fix the solution with the Elemental Lords. But that blew up in their faces!” “We are getting off topic!” Takanuva said. “The Skakdi...” “Are not our problem!” Aramnus shouted. “At least they shouldn’t be. I never asked for a bunch of robots to start taking our lands.” “Biomechanical beings.” Dume grumbled. “Whatever.” Armanus said. “The point is this just proves how inept the Great Beings were. First I had a chunk of my planet carry me away and when I returned I found a bunch of strangers thinking we should mingle and unify. Well I say all tribes should be kept separate.” “I agree.” Mahoku spoke up suddenly. “Even among our old universe the tribes had one specific job each and they did it. They never had to interact unless it was necessary. Biomechanics and organics should not work together!” “What of the three virtues?” Turaga Gali spoke up. “Unity, Duty, Destiny!” “They do not apply to us!” Armanus spat. “Besides.” Mohaku spoke again. “Everybody knows the Skakdi are mindless brutes. Eventually they’ll turn on each other and this whole discussion will be moot. With the Makuta extinct, there are no true threats anymore.” “That may have been true in the past.” Dume said. “But they are no longer the barbarians they used to be. The Skakdi are disciplined, efficient, and smart. They have formed a new Empire in the Northern Mountains of Bota Magna and are rapidly spreading into southern lands.” “Let’s not forget.” Raanu said. “Even if the Skakdi weren’t a threat, they are not the only player in this game. The Bota Magna Vorox have publicly sworn vengeance for their treatment of their desert kin, Skrall tribes have been reported to be gathering in the south and possibley re-unifying. Dark Hunter groups are raiding more and more caravans, even the Xian trade guild who are neutral; they are in a position of power against us because the individual tribes do not have the strength to bargain against them!” Raanu looked around the room. They all know we are vulnerable and they will take advantage of that if we do not do something soon!” “What about the Toa?” Mohaku said. “They always come together when they’re needed, surly they can defeat these enemies.” “Sadly, they cannot.” Gali said calmly. “Many of the Toa were killed in the Makuta War, and several survivors have since become Turaga. Their numbers are not great enough to stand against our foes.” “The Glatorian would not fare much better.” Dume said. “As noble as they are, they are not organized enough to stand against the military strength of our foes.” “This is all speculation!” Armanus said angrily. “Maybe if we play it nice and don’t attack the highly armed and dangerous enemy, then they won’t attack us back!” “Open your eyes Armanus!” Raanu half-shouted. “They will not leave us alone, they will attack us, and they want revenge for everything that has happened!” “That sounds like your problem!” “Silence!” Dume said. “We are all going around in circles. There must be a compromise.” “It’s simple.” Said a voice. They all looked over at Kopaka, who had spoken for the first time. “We create a protection treaty.” “A what?” Armanus asked. “It’s clear we can’t cooperate as one unit.” Kopaka spoke curtly. “But if we wrote a treaty stating that we must come to each other’s aid in a time of need, then we would not have to ‘share power.” “Kopaka speaks the truth.” Gali said. “We can create a unified militia without sacrificing our Tribal identities. The main military forces can train here, and when threatened they will defend any region.” “Any region?” Armanus said. “You’re saying I have to sacrifice my warriors to protect a bunch of robot villages?” “Those ‘robots’ will also protect your lands.” Gali said. “It is as Mohaku said, when needed Toa would come together to protect each other and their villages. Is this not the same thing on a grander scale?” There were murmurs of agreement. “I...agree.” Mohaku said suddenly. “If it will end the debate I will be part of this.” “As do I.” Raanu said. Many others agreed to it until it was only Armanus left. He gave an audible groan. “Fine. I agree.” “Then it is decided.” Takanuva said. “The finer details of the treaty will be worked out over the next few days. Conference dismissed.” ************************* That night Mohaku stood silently outside his guest hut. He heard somebody come up behind him. “I never thought I would agree with a robot.” It was Armanus. Mohaku looked at him, the Jungle Agori seemed bothered. “I have the same sentiments.” The Turaga said. “Unification is not the way to go.” “I agree.” Armanus stood next to him. “But truthfully I feel that it’s inevitable.” Mohaku nodded silently, and then looked up at the sky, which was covered in clouds. “A storm is coming.” “Indeed.” Armanus said, also looking up. “In more ways than one.”

Do yourself a favor and just play MNOG and read the comics. The Hapka books are terrible and you're better off only reading Greg material.Of course reading the Hapka stuff makes everything after that seem even better by comparison, so that's one way to do things.