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Turakii #1 Lavasurfer

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Year 18

About Turakii #1 Lavasurfer

  • Birthday 01/30/1992

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    Once upon a time, which wasn't that long ago but was too far back for me to bother specifying, there existed a female person named Turakii.

    Around that same once-upon-a-time, there also existed a Matoran named Turakii. He was -not- female and really had nothing in common with her whatsoever, aside from the name. This Matoran was supposedly a Ta-Matoran, although many other Ta-Matoran denied it vehemently and proclaimed that if -he- were a Ta-Matoran, -they- definitely were -not.- However, Turaga Vakama informed them that just because someone is a little different doesn't mean you can't be friends, and the same applies to those who are extremely different, so in the end everyone learned to get along.


    Turakii had always had a strange obsession with lava. It smelled pretty, it looked pretty, and it probably tasted pretty, but he knew that tasting it would probably have serious medical side-effects, so he never quite knew for sure. However, regardless of its taste, he spent most of his time admiring it, usually from atop his lavaboard.

    Nobody would have really minded if he hadn't had a terrible habit of admiring the lava while he was being paid to sit quietly in the Turaga's hut filling out tabletwork. After a big meeting and lots of arguing, they finally determined that it was silly to pay him for something he wasn't doing, and if he was going to keep on not doing it, then he just wasn't going to get paid. Turakii voiced no objections to this (partly because he had conveniently not been informed about the meeting).

    Hence, the day came when Turakii realized (1) that it had been an awfully long time since someone yelled at him for not being at work, and (2) that he didn't appear to have any widgets. This was quite the dilemma, since without them, it was hard to acquire certain necessities as food, so he promptly went to the Turaga and complained.

    Happily for him, there happened to be an unfilled position as Lava-River Patroller, which involved a lot of surfing on dangerous lava for hours on end. Since no sane person had ever wanted that position, it was right there and ready for Turaga Vakama to assign to him, and everything was lovely.

    How is all this related to the people that didn't like Turakii? We're getting there, we're getting there.

    So several months passed, during which Turakii surfed on boiling hot lava to his heart's content and nobody envied him in the least.

    And then something happened. Something big. Something roughly seven feet big. Something originally launched in a canister all the way from Karda Nui before it crashed onto Mata Nui after an Av-Matoran activated a signal.

    And this something's name was Tahu.

    Where did he come from? Who summoned him? What was his name? He sadly had no answers for these questions, but to prevent such confusion for the readers, I have included the answers above for your convenience.

    So a lot of stuff happened which is covered in a series of books you can purchase from your local bookstore, and so on and so forth, and the only really important part is that he liked to lavasurf.

    Which, as you remember, was an interest also shared by Turakii.

    Now, Turakii had never been particularly boastful of his accomplishments, but word got around, and soon Toa Tahu realized his reputation as the master of everything possible was in jeopardy. So, naturally, he decided to settle it once and for all by scolding that Matoran for daring be so uppity and rude.

    Somehow in the middle of that scolding, Turakii accidentally challenged Tahu to a lavasurfing race. He's still not quite sure how that happened.

    All of Mata Nui turned out to witness the Great Lavasurfing Showdown. It was a race that made you gasp with excitement, made your heartlight thump, tested your very muscles -- especially afterwards, since Turakii won and had to spend the rest of the week running for his life from a humiliated but angry Tahu.

    However, after taking some time to cool down, Tahu now has a grudging respect for Turakii whenever he chooses to acknowledge his existence... which is rarely. Turakii, in the meantime, is just happy that he still has all his limbs, and being as he wants to keep it that way, stays clear of his Toa.

    On the bright side, due to all that fame, every Ga-Matoran in the island was madly in love with him for an entire two days, and a couple of them still remember his name.

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  1. gnyfcngeryfcgomreflgrelcfgslryfgcsrylfgcsreygcmref

  2. Happy Birthday, Turakii. I hope you have a great day today.

  3. Recently, I've acquired the habit of shrieking things like "No! STAHP! STAHP THE DYING THING!" and "OTP FEEEEEEEELS!" at the TV. On a completely unrelated note, Vance has been sitting further and further away from me with every new episode. Maybe I need to shower more or something. Turakii
  4. I love how the BB code messes up all by itself now. It's so convenient! So many minutes saved not having to mess it up myself!

  5. I hate how you have to wash your armor every couple of day/night cycles. I tried skipping it once, just because it was so monotonous, and all the NPCs started running away from me.
  6. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgIQe23OLzo Disclaimer: Turakii is in no way supporting the idea that shampoo can be gender-specific and wholeheartedly supports every man's right to use shampoo of every color and scent.
  7. Help, I'm trapped in a speech bubble!

  8. When you reach the age of 21, something magical happens. It's not the first time something magical has happened. Apparently, on your 18th birthday, your chances of exercising pyromania suddenly plummeted, so you were finally allowed to purchase lighters. You also must have lost the ability to grasp simple probability, so you were allowed to purchase lottery tickets too. And being alive 18 years also gave you the right to make valid political decisions! It was a magical time of fire, useless paper, and picking future authority figures based on how cool their last names were. But when you turn 21, you go through the most magical transformation of all. You finally acquire the responsibility necessary to drink that mysterious, grown-up potion known as... alcohol. A whole new world of delicious, blissful flavors opens before you! You can finally pop open a can/bottle and have gorgeous models appear around you, or move backwrds in time, or become the most interesting person in the world, just like in the commercials! And bonding with friends no longer requires conversation! Somehow, just because your beverages all contain the same mysterious liquid known as "alcohol"... a true kinship is finally born. Well, that's what I thought. Except nobody told me something very important about these beverages. *Ahem.* THEY ALL TASTE LIKE WINDEX. People have certainly tried their best to convince me otherwise. And I'm sure that many drinks are very enjoyable --- if you have an unquenchable thirst for slightly more palatable cleaning fluids. They've given me wine (which tastes like grape juice, if you made grape juice with mostly disinfectant instead of grapes). And vodka (which tastes like it's made entirely from disinfectant). And someone even bought me a shot of whiskey and said it was "the good stuff." Nope, they lied. There was absolutely no "good" involved there whatsoever. (Except maybe good for scrubbing mold off showers or something.) So, overall, these magical new rights are pretty disappointing. Too bad I can't return them for something cool, like a pet unicorn or wizard powers. Turkii
  9. Good to see you around. :)

    1. Turakii #1 Lavasurfer

      Turakii #1 Lavasurfer

      Yes! I exist! Hellooo! *waves*

    2. Turakii #1 Lavasurfer

      Turakii #1 Lavasurfer

      Yes! I exist! Hellooo! *waves*

    3. fishers64


      *waves back*

  10. I wish I had a long, well-thought-out post like everybody above, but I just like MLP for the pretty ponies. Turakii
  11. I don't know, because I never got to read them. ;.; One of them was the novel for Warm Bodies... how will I get my sappy zombie romance fix now? Y-y-yes, sir. *cowers under desk* Somehow, the thought of an obsessed fan sleeping with my learner's permit under their pillow or placing my dead cell phone in a glass case doesn't at all comfort me... Ten years later, and I still have the urge to add "kolhii-head!" every time I hear "you're alive!" Aw, man, I missed your call!? D= Who doesn't like dead pink animals? If Hahli Husky can get married and still exist, then so can I! Waitwaitwait, what? Okay, in that case... *deep breath* DEVIANTARTFACEBOOKYOUTUBETUMBLRMYSPAAAAAAACE Man, that felt good. AAHHHH *CRASH* I guess I could just start carrying kanoka and squid launchers and see if they're any good for self-defense... Third? What happened to the first two? DId they die? Yo man, many thankies, yo' schizzle. (Yeah, I've got mad gangstah skillz now.) Thankees! And you still are here! =O How many years have you been active now? EDIT: Is it my imagination, or did the BB code get even weirder?
  12. And WOAH WHERE DID ALL THESE BUTTONS COME FROM!? So I was at Brickfair and realized, "Woah, BZP still exists, and so do I, so maybe our existences should coincide more often." Anyways, I have a story! *Ahem.* Once upon a time there was a member named Turakii who got married to a member named Toa Lhikan Hordika and moved to Santiago, Chile (in South America!) (speaking of which, Chileans get very offended if you call yourself an "American" because they technically are too, so you have to basically call yourself a "United Statian") (Actually, that wasn't really on-topic at all, so just ignore all these parentheses and move on). Now, Turakii's mother (Macku: Toa of Bubbles) was a very wise bubbly Toa, and she always told Turakii, "When you're shopping, you should never leave your purse in the cart, because someone can just walk by and take it and you won't even notice until you reach the checkout line." And the very first day Turakii was in Chile that definitely did not happen nope not at all. But if it had happened (which it definitely didn't), then it would have really sucked for the thief. Most people steal stuff hoping to find money or credit cards or diamond belt buckles or gold teeth and other things that people usually keep in purses. This thief, however, was fortunate enough to walk away with: A cell phone with no coverage in South America (SO MUCH USEFUL) A passport (and they would only need a tiny bit of plastic surgery to make use of it) A New York learner's permit (so if they ever happen to visit New York, they'll just have to find a licensed driver over 21 and they'll be able to drive legally! How convenient!) A couple of books (in English) (the primary language in Chile is Spanish) But he/she did get my adorable pink purse with the little dead animals printed all over it. =( I just hope they use it well. Moral of this story: If you're not going to wear your purse on your arm, fill it with all kinds of useless stuff so you can laugh evilly as you imagine the thief sobbing, "Where's the money? Where are the credit cards? Who the heck brings BOOKS to a GROCERY STORE!?" The End Turakii

  14. Please come back soon, we miss you

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