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I AM BACK.... And I plan on staying for a longer time, too. And this time, I won't let harassment from other members keep me from being on here. Seeing as BZPower has gotten a major revamp since your Uncle Shadows was last here, looks like a lot of the stuff I wrote is gone... at least, so I thought. I know there's still the archive of the old forums. Which might be a pain for me to look through in its entirety, but oh well, such is life.I'm going to bring back a comedy I started on long ago, which actually wasn't meant to be more than a chapter, yet it has 2 in the original version, and I may just make more to it if people like it enough. Here is a comedy based on one of my original characters, the spirit of Death herself Elitha.Chapter 1: The Fellowship of the Fools*far away in some other realm, there lived a once beautiful young woman named Elitha who was forced to craft a mask that would eventually become her prison. Enslaved by the mask of death, Elitha has been driven mad and riddled with anger and confusion. She has yet to master the power of the mask, but she can't be underestimated. Very few have lived to defeat her, but Elitha wishes to change that. This is the story of a woman on a mission, and a list made by the same woman. Elitha's List.**Somewhere on Destral... an abandoned, desolate island fortress...*Elitha: I assume that none of you know why I’ve assembled you here, am I right?Meltdown: And why pray tell should we have to listen to you?Elitha: Because I killed your master and now I’m forced to take his place because that creep Lord of shadows likes to torture me...Thunder, laughs: You let puny man control your life? Ha ha ha! I laugh at you!Elitha: He controls your life too.Thunder: Argh! No!!!Xplode: And how’d a dame like you manage to kill off the hunch back of who cares?Elitha: It’s a long story...Thunder: Stories are for baby cowards!Rotor: So then, “boss,” what do you want us to do?Elitha: It’s simple: We kill the Brotherhood of Makuta and those Toa.Thunder: Brotherhood is babies! Too many little men on this team!Rotor: Who you calling little, tiny?Xplode: If you were from where I was from, you’d be dead!Thunder: You are so small!Corroder, laughing: Kaboom to you, sir don’t feel bad! You did a fine job tossing your little balls around.Thunder: Spy! I see Spy!*Corroder laughing.*Elitha: How did this happen anyway?*flashback...*Von Nebula: You’re kinda cute.Elitha: Why are you talking to me?Von Nebula: You wanna go somewhere with me?Elitha: No. I haven’t even lured you into my gambit and you’re already coming onto me?Von Nebula: I’d go anywhere for you.Elitha: Why don’t you go die?Von Nebula: I can’t do that.Elitha: I’m going to have fun killing you...Von Nebula: What? How?Elitha: The Kanohi Mask of Death, that’s how...Von Nebula: Can’t we just work this out first?Elitha: You know, you’re right... wanna dance, big boy?Von Nebula: Really? Wow! But I haven’t taken any dance classes since--*the sound of a record scratching sounds and Elitha’s “song” starts.*Elitha: Shut up and dance.Von Nebula: Uh... what’s with the scary music?Elitha, singing: Because tonight I'm working over time… Are you ready to cross the line? Because I'll treat you until the break of dawn… you're not alone…Von Nebula: Wait, what is this?Elitha: Who you going to call?*As the music of Night Nurse continues, Elitha kicks Von Nebula’s staff away as she gets closer to him and takes her scissor scythe in hand.*Elitha: Don't wanna be your lover, oh no. But I could your remedy, oh-oh. I don't wanna be your lover, oh no, but I can be your remedy, your cure…*Von Nebula feels himself go numb and his body become stiff. Elitha uses her powers to raise him in the air and slam him against a wall.**So since this part may be somewhat scarier for our younger viewers, it has been conveniently cut out. However, it included how Eltiha took care of Von Nebula. Moving back from there...*Elitha: There’s a reason they call me the black widow, I suppose.Lord of shadows: There’s also a reason why Lewa has those nightmares of you, the “Night-Nurse mask...”Elitha: You’re not welcome here! !!!LOS: You gotta catch me first! *He disappears and leaves Elitha with her new minions.*Elitha: I’ll get you someday, Lord of shadows, and that little singer of yours, too. Great, when did this become the Wizard of Oz?Thunder: Ha ha ha! It is funny to me!Meltdown: I say, why are you all acting more ridiculous than usual? Is it because we are in the presence of a female?Xplode: What’s it to you?Rotor: We don’t have to give this dame any special treatment?*Elitha uses her powers to turn Rotor into a chipmunk.*Elitha: There, now that’s much better, don’t you think?All: Elitha: Anyone else care to question my powers?*They all shake their heads nervously.*Elitha: Good boys. *She changes Rotor back to his ugly self.*Rotor: Hey, the narrator called me ugly!Elitha: Shut up and get over it.Xplode: Hold on, we still don’t know anything about you.Elitha: You wanna know a little something about me? Fine. They don’t call me the black widow for nothing... I lure foolish men into my trap, play on their emotions, and take their life force. It’s nothing personal, it’s just business, you know. I need some sort of energy to keep myself young and healthy. The brotherhood is just one of many targets on my list...*She slams a list on the table of many beings she wishes to take out. Von Nebula’s name is crossed out... at the top are the names of Lord of shadows and Natalie Horler. Below them are the names of The Shadowed One, Remote, and Lewa and other characters she crossed paths with.*Thunder: It is good day to be giant man!Xplode: Why’s there some chick’s name on here?Elitha: Due to her association with Lord of shadows... she must perish, too. I’m going to have you all help me.Rotor: Fine, I’m in then. Is the chick we going after hot?Elitha: Lord of shadows does have some... infatuation with her, so I guess so.Xplode: All right!Thunder: Now is coward-killing time! Move! *humming funeral march.*Meltdown: No need to be so pushy.Corroder: This ought to be fun. Where’s Vapour?Elitha: No one cares about him. Besides, he’s just a rip-off of you and Rotor. So I take it you’re all in then?Rotor: You bet we are.Elitha: Good... I can see it now. I’m going to need a whole lot of aspirin for this job, I can tell.
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Now if you want to see what The Mask could have been had I written it years later when I got better, here is a good comparison. This is the first chapter, but only with over 300 words, added details, and plus all the characters are named. It's more organized than it once was. It's sort of funny and pitiful at how much I improved, but oh well. I wrote the original back in February of 2006, so the comedy is OLD! This was written sometime back when it was the 5-year mark. Hope you enjoy it.CHAPTER 1: Take this mask and hide it*Somewhere on Destral, in the headquarters of the Brotherhood of Makuta...*Teridax: *banging gavel* Order! Order in the court! This trial is now in sess--Antroz: Um... But this is a brotherhood meeting, not a courtroom--Teridax: How dare you interrrupt me?! If you do so again, I'll make sure you end up like the last guy who did!!Kojol: Which was what, eaten by you in a fit of rage?Antroz: NO!! PLEASE!! DON'T!!! I won't do it again!!Teridax: Very well. Now, I stole this... mask... thingy and I don't know what to do with it. *holds up the MoL* Any bright ideas?? Anyone??Kojol: Yeah, how about mentioning the fact that I was the one who stole it for you ungrateful urchins?Teridax: Ignoring you, the pannel is now open to suggestion!Icarax: I say we burn it! I hear Natalie Horler's good with fire... She's an amazing woman, you know...Chirox, ignoing Icarax: I say we shred it!Krika: I say we launch it to some far away island where no one can get it! *all member voices over lapping*Teridax: Ugh... I can't put up with this, anymore. *plops his face onto the table.*Gorast, comforting Teridax: Don't give up, Teri. I know you can bring order to this chaotic excuse of a Brotherhood.Teridax: You know, you're right. I should assert my authority like I'm supposed to! *banging gavel again* Order! Order! If none of you can be quiet, then by the powers invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.Sidorak, Rodaka: Get on with the plans!! Teridax: You may now kiss the bride.*Insert Wedding March*Spiriah: Can we move on? It's been more than 15 minutes since I've looked at myself in a mirror for crying out loud! I say we bury it outside these headquarters where no one can get it.Teridax: That's a GREAT idea! Ever considered being my assistant? Gorast: Hey! Why can't I be your assistant?Teridax: Okay, fine, both you you can be my assistant. In the mean time, Kojol, fetch me my tools.Kojol: You mean your knife and your fork, sir?Teridax: Why, you little--Kojol: What?! You've gained a few pounds from eating Norenka's cooking. Lose some weight, already, I mean come on! You've got your own gravitational pull!Teridax: One more word out of you, and I might consider dropping a whole lot of weight... on top of your head! Kojol: Teridax: There you go, now was that hard? Now fetch me my tools OR ELSE YOU WILL DIE!*Kojol quickly runs away and gets Teridax his digging equipment*Gorast: Are you sure you don't need me to go with you?Teridax: Nonsense, stay here here with the others. I wouldn't want you to have to join me on some stupid digging job all by yourslef with me.Gorast, crying slightly: But... I'd feel better if I could just tag along, actually.Teridax: Don't you worry your pretty little head aout it. *He lightly pats Gorast on the head before leaving outside carrying the Mask of Light in his hand.*Gorast, slumping against a corner: *crying* Oh, Teridax... if only you knew how I felt about you... I love you so much, it actually HURTS me inside...Mutran: Gorast, are you okay?Gorast: *she knocks Mutran's head off his body.* How dare you eavesdrop on a woman's private moment to herself! Didn't anyone ever teach you some manners, you pointy-headed lab geek?!*Later...*Teridax, digging: Who knew it was so tough to dig through this island?! *panting loudly as he continues digging.* Ah, I think this should be good enough. *he reaches for the Mask of Light.* Okay, here goes nothing. I have a bad feeling this mask could cause me a lot of trouble in the future. Oh, well, I've got a plan at least. May this mask never see the light of day ever again. *tosses it in and then starts to fill up the hole again. As he does so, his tummy starts to growl loudly* I'm hungry!! Norenka, get me some food ready while I go out and steal some more stuff! I expect it ready by the time I return.Norenka: I don't have to be treated like this! As a woman, I have a right to have proper respect!Teridax: It's in your contract. In other words by serving me, you have to do as I say, including make me lots of Over-dubbed voice 2: Spaghetti!Teridax: Every day for...Over-dubbed voice: DINNER.Norenka: Oh, Kratta slime! Curse this legal nonense, he always gets me with that!Teridax: That's right, you can't beat me. It's not just a suggestion, it's THE LAW! And don't you forget it!
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There's another topic about who your favorite writers on BZP are, so I thought I'd make a topic asking you what your favorite fanfics are. So what's your favorite epic? Short Story? Comedy?-don't touch my pocket protector
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In a World... No, no. That's too overdone. Let's just cut to the chase. The Dark Chronicler(Splendid Chap) has gathered a team of people(Probably human) to make the most Ultracious Epic ever. Now, you might be wondering a few things... Why is Deadpool Amazing? What does Ultracious mean? What does this have to do with the Great and Powerful Nitro Frost? Will you tell us to stay tuned until tomorrow, Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel? Answers in no particular order: The coolest of the cool. Satsumas. No. And, I'm one of the writers. I thought I would take the time to tell you about my two characters. Ghedon and Alikan. In all stories, there is the straight man. The one who separates what is weird from what isn't weird. In my sections, the part of Straight Man is going to be played by Ryan Reynolds, not a Deadpool or the Green Lantern, but as... He's a Newbie Toa of Plasma, hand picked by the Leader of the City of Coede to lead the City Guard. He wields a Great Plasma Blade, and is sarcastic and loyal. Of course, I could tell you more, but... Our second character presents the classic Buddy Cop scenario, and in the movie adaptation, is to be played by Summer Glau. A Toa of Psionics, and all around great person to be around if you're nice to her... Well, that's it. Have fun with the WMG.
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BS01 ADVENTURES THE UNRELENTING In a world of wikiness... A few really awesome heroes will come to meet their destinies...After they are done shooting fireworks...And making comics that last one issue...This is their story...On the Wiki-Nui mainland...Cykron: Guys! GUYYYS!!!*Spawnie walks up to Cykron with Grant-Sud’s mask*Spawnie: Wut.Cykron: Um... *points at mask*Spawnie: It’s borrowed.Cykron: I meant the skull inside it.Spawnie: Cy, me and Cise have a understanding...Cykron: Someone died!Spawnie: And you come to ME for some reason...Cykron: Look, I walked into Toa of Chaos’s hut and I found...Spawnie: A body? Laying suspiciously under the table with duct tape and cotton swabs jammed into its...Cykron: No! It was worse.Spawnie: Oh. What did you find?Cykron: ...Kingnocturnignika...Spawnie: DDDD:Cykron: Oh, and the body.Spawnie: Oh.Cykron: Anyway, I need a way to dispose of...King Iggy: Noa!!!Spawnie: What?King Iggy: He’s still alive!!!Cykron: Um... Dude, he’s dead.King Iggy: Noa!!!Spawnie: We need to get rid of the body.ToC: I’m not dead...Cykron: *looks away*ToC: I feel happy...King Iggy: He must live!Spawnie: What planet are you from!? Let the creep perish!Creep Of The Deep: Wut?Spawnie: You don’t exist either.Cykron: Anyway... You can have ToC’s DEAD body, Kingy.King Iggy: Yus! :DCykron: You can ask him about ancient sprite requests from two years ago or anything you want.King Iggy: Yeah, but I can’t let my friend go! I must be with him on his level.Cykron: What do you have in mind?King Iggy: I must join him.Spawnie: Best idea you had... ever.*Kingy lays next to ToC*King Iggy: Accept me into your kingdom, ToC! Let me join you!*Nothing happens*Spawnie: My way is much quicker, dude.King Iggy: Look, I will NOT let this setback get between our friendship. ToC, where do you want to go?ToC: ...Cykron: He wants to use a morgue.Spawnie: He’s starting to stink. Here. *hands over can*King Iggy: What’s this?Spawnie: It keeps bodies from stinking.Cykron: Where do you get this stuff!?Spawnie: *evil hiss* CANADAAAAaaaaaa......Cykron: o.O Hey, where did Chaos’s body go!?Everyone turns and see’s two shapes standing in the *snort* Twilight!Twilight Avenger: SHUT UP!Cykron: Who is that?11: Ha! It is I! Toa 11!!!Spawnie: Where is Chaos’s body!?11: It is... safe. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!Cykron: >_>Spawnie: Why are you back in Wiki-Nui, 11?11: You fools! After the Packer’s won the Super Bowl, I have come to finish the job!Toa Iggy: What job?11: To destroy all Steelers fans that dare appose me!Spawnie: You can have him. *Drags Cykron from behind Kingy and shoves him in front of 11.11: It’s time to finish this, Cykron.Cykron: NO!!!11: YES!Cykron: NOOOOO!!!11: YES!!! *pulls out Kraalix’s stale Hanna Montana cake and crams it into Cykron’s mouth* YES EAT IT! FINISH IT FOR GOOD YOU STUPID FOOL! AHAHAHA!!!Spawnie: *BOOM* *Reloads shotgun*11: Gah!! You... you shot me!Spawnie: Yup.11: I—I didn’t see that coming.Spawnie: Neither did JFK.11: I—I—Feel... ok, actually.Spawnie: Really?11: Yeah, and, I can’t why I’m standing here, well, I remember why Cykron is choking on cake but I can’t remember anything besides that. It felt as if someone was controlling my actions...King Iggy: ...plotline...Spawnie: Shut up. You’re gonna spoil it.King Iggy: <:(Spawnie: Anyway, what do we do with Cykron?*Cykron lies twitching on the ground*11: Is he dead? Did I kill him?King Iggy: *sniff* I can’t smell his pulse!Spawnie: He’ll be fine. There are more important things to worry about than him...*AT AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION...*???: Rise my son, arise and feel again!ToC: Uhhhh... I feel weird, like I was dead or something...???: You were.ToC: Well, that explains the stink, and the bugs, and Kingnocturnignika.???: You are now under my control, Toa of Chaos.ToC: WAIT NO!!... *falls under spell*???: Now, you must gather those who know about my plan.ToC: Yes master... They won’t come easily.???: No problem. After all... It saves me time to kill them together.Twilight Avenger: SERIOUSLY CYKRON!?!?Toa Nidhiki05: This isn’t even legal. >:(Cykron: I will MAKE it legal.Darth Sideous: SERIOUSLY CYKRON!?!?Tune in later for another edition of BS01 ADVENTURES: THE UNRELENTING...
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Chapter 5 Up, Chapter 6 Tomorrow? Hope So!
Fresh Makuta of Bel-Air posted a blog entry in blogs_blog_341
Hey guys. Chapter 5 was released yesterday so go check it out. It took longer but it's about 2800 words so there's your reason. That's probably longer than one of my entire comedies as a newb, true statement. Chapter 6 may be up tomorrow. Tuesdays are usually easier days for me and I don't have much lined up. Also the Ravens game last night was incredible, great comeback at the end. -
Chapter 5 Up, Chapter 6 Tomorrow? Hope So!
Fresh Makuta of Bel-Air posted a blog entry in blogs_blog_341
Hey guys. Chapter 5 was released yesterday so go check it out. It took longer but it's about 2800 words so there's your reason. That's probably longer than one of my entire comedies as a newb, true statement. Chapter 6 may be up tomorrow. Tuesdays are usually easier days for me and I don't have much lined up. Also the Ravens game last night was incredible, great comeback at the end. -
Honestly guys this week has been a mess. Two tests, a major presentation, an interview, a club meeting, and all sorts of fun and exciting stuff will probably keep me from posting something until Friday. I know I said that it would come on Thursday, but then life happened. Believe me, I'm unhappy about it too. It takes a decent amount of time to write this stuff; these chapters are anywhere from 1200-1700 words recently. On another note, I probably will be entering the short stories contest eventually. There's a lot of potential with the theme this time around. Again I'm sorry about the delay. I was hoping I could keep to a schedule but I really mismanaged my time. Hopefully I can set things right after this set of tests are done so I can keep up consistent chapters. That said, if I get it out tomorrow by some miracle I won't expect any complaints.
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So, anyone here got a favourite sitcom? Or a least favourite? The only one I watch on a regular basis is How I met Your Mother. Mostly because of the surreal humor and Neil Patrick Harris.
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Chapter 3 - Potentially This Weekend, Probably Tuesday
Fresh Makuta of Bel-Air posted a blog entry in blogs_blog_341
Hey all. I rushed a little on Chapter 2 - usually I do it in the morning before my classes but thanks to an alarm issue I slept a little too late to finish writing it. That said, I may release Chapter 3 this weekend if I get a chance. I still have a lot to do but if I'm free Sunday or Saturday I may finish outlining the chapter and release it outright. This isn't a guarantee though; if it's not here by Sunday at midnight don't be upset. Just assume it'll be here Tuesday (and it will). Someone mentioned a sequel to Nuparu's Greed in the short story topic. I'll consider it. It's a lot of fun developing a human character out of a Matoran. I can use it to convey a message in the story that the reader can look at and think about. Just a writing tip for the 5 people who read this blog: a message is important. I can get away with randomness in a comedy but in a more serious fictional venue you have to connect to your audience or they'll lose interest. Galigee's epics, for instance. All of them had a very human side to the characters and I enjoyed reading them. Bonesii (I think?) puts together some good stuff based on the canon but goes more into character development. Another good one I remember was The Turkey Shoot. I can't remember much about it, but it was awesome. If you have your own universe of characters, you'd better be sure you make them interesting or people will have no incentive to pay attention to them over Tahu or Kopaka. Also, Sunny was hilarious tonight. The looting at the end was hysterical. -
Hey guys, a new chapter's up. Go check it out.
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- NEW AND EXCITING
- A Day in the Life
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Man... Centering stuff when your writing comedies can be stressful... It took me about an HOUR before I finally gave up on centering the title on my reposted comedy. I mean... yeesh... P.S. TO THE NUIMOBILE!!
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A Day in the Life is back and better than ever. I didn't get any feedback whatsoever on my blog post, so go post it in the thread instead! Remember, you're the boss*. Don't forget to check out Nuparu's Greed too. Links to both are in my signature. *you're not actually the boss.
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Ah, my first post since the forums have come back. First of all, here's the link for the first 7 chapters from before the shutdown: http://www.bzpower.c...howtopic=333230 Welcome back to "A Day in the Life of an "Average" Bionicle"! I know, ever since the forums went down you all have been losing sleep over the fact that you couldn't read more chapters.What? You mean to say that you didn't even care that you couldn't read new, awesome chapters?Fine, be that way. But it might interest you to read this chapter, because it explains how the forums were brought back online. Don't believe me? Read on.(Note: At the bottom of this post is a character list. And if the provided link doesn't work, please tell me.) Chapter 8 Lewa #1: *Sigh* Lewa: That's not how it usually start-begins. Lewa #1: I know, but it's been dark for so long that I don't know when the day starts. Tahu: So how long has it been? Lewa #1: I've lost track. Ever since the forums went down and the lights went out, who knows. Mazeka: Fourth wall breech!...Aw who cares? It's so depressing around here that I'm not even going to do my job. Matau, Kongu, and Johnny: Who cares about how the *twitch* day starts *twitch*? The B/S/T store is down*twitch*! Lewa: Oh, and by the way, the store employees aren't taking the fact that they can't sell-trade anything very well. And the fact that about half of the sets have been sleeping ever since the "shutdown" doesn't aid-help, so the sooner the forums get back online the better. Lewa #1: You're talking like I can just snap my fingers and get us back online. Lewa: Well, are you or are you not the great-mighty Narrator? Lewa #1: Not when you call me that. Lewa: Oh sorry, let me try again. Are you or are you not the Great-Wonderful, Overseer of All, Benevolent and Mighty-Powerful Narrator of all things pertaining to our lives? Lewa #1: Yes. And you're right. We can do something. We must do something. We- Lewa: -will do something? Lewa #1: Oh yeah. We're on the same brainwave now (gives Lewa a fist bump). (Yelling to everybody) Everyone! Well, those that aren't asleep, to the Livingroom for a meeting! In the Livingroom Lewa #1: (Standing on the couch, surveying the recently assembled group) Alright everyone, we have a mission. A mission of epic proportions. A mission of danger, of noble deeds in life threatening conditions, and eventual triumph. Snacka-Rahi: If your suggesting that we raid the fridge, we did that yesterday. Lewa #1: What? No. I mean this darkness, the utter desolation, cold and fear that has infiltrated all corners of our universe. Thousands of users unable to carry on with their lifes. And us...well...not able to really do anything interesting. Teridax: I see where this is going. Because I was the last one to cause darkness, turmoil, and sleepiness, I'm going to get blamed for this whole thing. Mata Nui: Well if you insist... Lewa #1: Everyone listen! I called this meeting because we're going to fix this whole thing. Now, whose in? Lewa, Gali, Kopaka, Onua, Tahu, Pohatu, Nuhvok, Nuhvok Va, Mata Nui, Teridax, Takanuva, Whenua, Snacka-Rahi, both Tarakava, Tahu Star, Kongu, and Antroz with his Jetrax T6: We're in. Johnny Thunder: I'm in too. Whatever it takes to get the store back up and running. Lewa #1: Good. Anyone else? Takanuva: Um, no. The rest are still asleep. Lewa #1: Blast. Well, I at least want Exo-Toa to come as well. (Looks at a small devise on his wrist and hits a few buttons) He's coming. Within seconds, a thump is heard upstairs in the bedroom tower, then a few smaller sounds like footsteps, followed by a larger crashing sound increasing in volume as it came falling down the stairway. Exo-Toa, summoned by the wrist-mounted remote control, lands face down at the base of the stairs. Exo-Toa: (Walking into livingroom) No light means no vision. Lewa #1: Thank you for that powerful observation. Now, assignments. I'm the 6-star general. Everyone do what I say or I'll call you a maggot like in the army. Any questions? Pohatu: Yes. Isn't a 6-star general impossible? Lewa #1: How would you know, maggot? Now, Lewa, you lead the Toa Mata. Tahu: Isn't that my job? Lewa #1: No, because I like Lewa more than you. Onua, Tahu, Whenua, Takanuva,Tahu Star, stay nearer the front because you guys can either make light or see well in the dark. Takanuva and Antroz, you're in charge of transport because of your vehicles. Antroz: Where exactly are we transporting to, anyway? Lewa #1: Straight to the source. (Pause for dramatic effect.) The BZP motherboard. Gali: Um, you mean we have to go into the computer? Lewa #1: Oops, did I say motherboard? I meant to say BZP MotherShip. There we'll find the problem, remove it preferably by explosive means, and restore order. Antroz: I don't think two vehicles will hold everybody. Lewa #1: Not a problem. (Looks at a small devise on his other wrist and hits a few buttons.) I'm running out of wrist for all of this stuff. Lego Ferrari F430 Spider: (Comes peeling around the livingroom corner then stops next to everybody) *Vrrooooooommmm!!* Johnny: Sweeeeeeet... I'll drive! Lewa #1: Fine, but don't scratch the paint. So, our mission is clear. Everyone saddle up! Takanuva, Antroz, and Johnny get in the driver's seat of their vehicles, but the passengers don't exactly spread evenly. Lewa #1: Okay, I know everyone wants on the Ferrari, but the Jetrax needs more passengers. Most everyone: Aww, but we want to stay in the Ferrari. Antroz: I can't believe no one wants on the Jetrax. It's huge! It's awsome! Lewa #1: (A couple minutes later) Now we're spread out better. Lock and load, gentlemen! It's time to rock and roll! Yaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!! Takanuva leads (and lights) the way, flying at top speed and crashing through the front door, closely followed by the Jetrax and Ferrari. Lewa #1: (On Ussanui) Turn left! Takanuva: (Going down street, and looking at speedometer (didn't know the Ussanui had one, didya?)) Wow, 278 m.p.h! We'll get there in no time! Lewa: Um, Johnny's passing us up. Takanuva: What!? (Johnny and his passengers glide by, smiling and waving.) That blasted Ferrari! Lewa #1: Nevermind. We'll be there in a few minutes. It's the building right up there. In a few minutes, they all stop in front of a massive skyscraper. No one appears to be around. Tahu Star: Mata Nui! What is this place? Mata Nui: I don't know. Tahu Star: Actually, I was using your name as an exclamation. Mata Nui: Hey! Lewa #1: It's the BZTower. This is where we have to come first. Tahu: I thought it was the BZP MotherShip that we need to get to. Lewa #1: It is, but this is phase one. Now this is usually a pretty normal place, where most of the site paperwork and upkeep is done, but with the forums down, don't let your guard down from here on in. Johnny: Gotcha, mate. (Jumps out of the Ferrari and uses the remote to arm the car alarm.) Ready. The troop dismounts their vehicles and cautiously approach the front door. Whenua: The handle's too high. We can't get in. Tarakava: *Punch punch punch punch punch punch!* (A hole finally appears.) Whenua: Nevermind. Lewa #1: Forward. Inside Kopaka: Dark, dusty, depressing. That's what it is in here. Lewa #1: We have to go to the top. And since the elevator is out, we have to take the stairs. Nuhvok Va: You're kidding right? Did you see how high this thing is? Lewa #1: *Sigh* Before we go any further, I think we need some motivation. *Ahem* DO YOU WANT TO BE IN DARKNESS FOREVER!? Everyone: NO! Lewa #1: DO YOU WANT THE B/S/T STORE TO RE-OPEN!? Everyone: YES! Lewa #1: DO YOU WANT TO RETURN TO THE COMEDIES SECTION!? Everyone: YES! Lewa #1: DO YOU WANT NAPOLEON TO BE YOUR KING!? Everyone: NO! Wait, what? Lewa #1: Then we have to take the stairs! Later, about half way up... Whenua: *Pant pant* I think I'm going to have a heart attack. Kongu: *Pant* I'll join you. (Trips over something) Waa! *thump* Ow! What was that? Nuhvok: This long, round *mechanical noises* thing here. (He jabs at it, but it quickly slithers away.) Umm... Suddenly, something grabs Onua and starts to quickly drag him away. Onua: Help! Lewa #1: Morbazok! Tahu Star: You spelled it wrong. Lewa #1:Morbuzohk! Tahu Star: Still wrong. Lewa #1: Giant, stuipid, evil, annoying vine thing! Tahu Star: There, that's right. Onua: Hello? HELP! (Lewa chops off the vine with his ax.) Lewa: Quick-run-flee-retreat! Dashing up the stairs for their lives, all the while slicing, jabbing, poking, thwacking, and other painful things, they finally make it to the top. Maybe from pain, perhaps it's vines were too short to reach the top, but in any case, once they reached a bare room at the very peak, the vile vegetation started to recede. Johnny: *Pant* That was annoying. *Pant* Is that what brought the forums down? Lewa #1: No, something much more sinister is to blame. Right now the important thing is that we made it. Everybody stand on this circle in the middle of the room. (Everybody does so.) Now I'll say the top-secret code. Ready? In 5..4..3..1 Beam me up Scotty. Everything starts to get bright in the circle, until the light seemingly starts to bend, and they vanish instantly. Seconds later, they appear in a strange new room. Teridax: Where are we? Lewa #1: I'll give you one guess. Snacka-Rahi: Taco Bell? I sure hope so. Lewa #1: Nnnnnnnno. Welcome to the BZP MotherShip. Directly below us a couple hundred miles is the BZTower. Kopaka: How do you know all this stuff? Lewa #1: Am I not the Great-Wonderful, Overseer of All, Benevolent and Mighty-Powerful Narrator? Kopaka: Yes, fine. Lewa #1: We should split up. Nuhvok, Nuhvok Va, Kongu, Whenua, Exo-Toa, Antroz, Mata Nui, and Teridax, go to the control room and wait for the signal. Johnny, Tahu Star, Snacka-Rahi, and Tarakava, go to the cargo hold, and I think you'll know what to do there. Lewa, take the Toa Mata to the level above us, go to the front of the ship a little, and start hacking and chopping away at the floor. Lewa: What? Lewa #1: Just do it, it should help. Takanuva: And me? Lewa #1: You come with me. Let's go! Walking down the long, dark corridor Takanuva: What should we expect? Lewa #1: If it's what I think it is, nothing I say can prepare you. Takanuva: Wow, that makes me feel so much better. Lewa #1: We should be getting close. Shine your light up there a little. Hmmm, yes, it's this door. We need to be quieter now. Door: (Being opened by Takanuva) Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Lewa #1: Blast. Unseen, unsettleing voice: Ah, come in, I thought you'd be here sooner or later. Lewa #1: I figured you'd be behind this, Black 5. Alright, what have you done with the BZP big cheese Black 6? Black 5: I killed him. Lewa #1: That's a little too harsh. Black 5: Fine, I actually stuck a sock in his mouth, tied him up, and threw him in a closet. And I'll do the same to you if you don't leave immediately. Lewa #1: I'll give you one chance to step down, tell us where Black 6 is, and give up your chokehold on the forums. Black 5: And if I don't? Lewa #1: Well, you're talking like a stereotypical bad guy, and in the movies the stereotypical bad guy always loses. Black 5: That's actually very sound logic. But no matter! I'll take on both of you! Lewa #1: Actually, you'll have to take on all eight of us. Black 5: What? With timing that would astound a Swiss watch maker, all six Toa Mata come crashing through the ceiling and land on top of Black 5. Realizing where they've landed, they conk Black 5 upside the head and handcuff him. Lewa #1: Good work! Wher'd you get the handcuffs? Pohatu: eBay. Black 5: Oowwww. I demand a rematch! That was way too anticlimatic! Lewa #1: An epic battle is for another day. Right now, we have to get the forums back up. (Pushes some buttons on the wrist devise.) Now, to rescue Black 6... In the Control Room Kongu: I'm bored. Nuhvok Va: Let's push all the buttons! Whenua: Not until we get the signal. Exo-Toa: Recieving signal... Whenua: What does it say? Exo-Toa: "Signal". Whenua: Really? That's it? Antroz: That must be the signal. Push all the buttons! In the middle of the ensuing button-pushing melee, the sound of machinery and flickering lightbulbs starting to come back into operation after a long rest is heard from deep within the MotherShip. But it levels off after a few minutes and doesn't get any louder. Teridax: Why won't it start fully? Mata Nui: Maybe the big "Insert Key To Start" sign should be a clue. Teridax: Well, where's the key? Black 6: Right here. Everyone: *GASP* Black 6! Black 6: You started the initalization sequence nicely, but the key is needed to start it fully. Mata Nui: How did you get here? Black 6: Well, I was in a closet, but your comrades found me and got me out. Lewa #1: And now the forums can go back online. Black 6: (Inserts key and turns it. Soon, the lights come on fully and everything starts to work as normal.) That's more like it. Antroz: (Crying) *Sniff sniff* Lewa #1: Um, what's wrong? Antroz: Nothing. I was just really looking forward to removing the problem "by explosive means". Black 6: Well, Black 5 still needs to be dealt with... Antroz: Ooooohhhh... In a few moments, Black 5 is stuck in one of the ship's escape pods and surrounded by an unnatural amount of explosives. He's aimed away from Earth, and "blasts off". The last thing they heard him say was: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!" Lewa #1: Happy now? Antroz: Yes. Lewa #1: Mission complete! Back to the "beaming pad", we should find the others there. At the "Beaming Pad" Johnny: Hey guys! Lewa #1: Did you succeed in your mission? Johnny: Sure did. We have all the inventories, reciepts, and everything else we need to re-open the store. Lewa #1: Was it pretty easy?Johnny: Well, it's a long story, but let's just say that we almost ended up with one purpleish Tarakava instead of a teal and a blue. I'll tell you about it someday soon. Lewa #1: Uh, okay. Everyone on the pad. Farewell Black 6. Hopefully the next time we meet it won't be under similar circumstances. Black 6: The feeling is mutual. (Gives the Spock farewell.) Live long and prosper. Lewa #1: (Standing on pad) Right back at ya. In 6...5...3...1 1/2...Beam us down Scotty. Black 6: Fine, but don't call me Scotty. A couple seconds later, they're back standing in the bare, tower-top room. Now that everything worked, they took the elevator down, to the delight of everyone. The giant, stuipid, evil, annoying vine thing was seemingly no more of a problem. Lewa: That was quite the mission-endeavor. I wonder if we'll ever do anything that important again. Lewa #1: Oh, I'd say we will. Everybody to their vehicles and back home we go. Gali: I wonder how the others are doing. Back at The House Onua: (Looking at the hole in the front door) I guess we'll have to fix that later. At least it makes it easier to get in now. Teridax: (Walking through the hole) Hello! We're home! You'll never guess what we did! Jaller: (Coming down stairs yawning and noticing that the lights are on) Oh, you changed the lightbulbs. Thanks. I'm going back to bed. It's past 10:30pm. You can tell me about what you did tomorrow. Teridax: What!? We just saved the universe, and you don't even care!? Lewa #1: Well, if we go to bed now and wake up in the morning, we'll be back on our schedule. And besides, if Takua's still asleep, we have no chronicler to even write down our story. I'm going to bed, see you tomorrow. Teridax: Grrrr. Fine. 'Night. Snacka-Rahi: (Walking from the kitchen to the stairs while carrying most of the fridge's contents) Good night! The End...of the Forum Downtime! To avoid confusion, here's a list of characters that have more than one version, and this shows what version is being used throughout this comedy. Nuju, Vakama, Matau, Nokama, and Whenua are all Turaga.Kongu, Macku, Onepu, Matoro, and Hewkii are all McToran.Tahu, Lewa, Gali, Kopaka, Onua, and Pohatu are all Mata.Jaller and Takua are 2003 Matoran.Mata Nui is the small-ish Glatorian.Norik and Iruni are Toa.Takanuva is 2003 Toa.Teridax is 2003 Titan.Hahli and Hafu are 2003 Matoran. All of this applies unless otherwise stated .
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So I've started up a rewrite of my second comedy, the ever-popular Ask Matau!. I decided that in addition to reusing the old questions as they appeared in each chapter, I'll also be adding in additional questions that anyone sends in with the new forums. So, Ask Matau! is once again accepting questions! Send them in, please! Lewa0111
