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Fire Tears Part 1 It was a normal night within Ta-Koto, the capitol city of the Fire Region that consisted of one massive black castle with many spires and adjacent towers. Kaeren stood within one of those towers, staring down at a map of Okoto. A taller Ta-Matoran stood across the table from Kaeren staring down at the maps. "We've noticed concentrations of Skull Spiders here and here in our region..." he jabbed a crimson finger at two points on the map. "Are you going to order the Guards to try to search for a nest Jakab?" Kaeren asked earnestly, trying to learn as much as he can. "Yes, I think that would be the right move little brother." Jakab nodded. Jakab looked much the same as kaeren, except his standard Matoran mask was a bit scarred. Kaeren was about to say something to his older brother when suddenly horns began to sound throughout the castle. "We are under attack!" Jakab shouted. He drew his twin lava swords from his back in one smooth motion, before turning towards the open window. Kaeren rushed over to the window to see Ta-Koto guards raising the main gate to the city, except that Skull Spiders were still streaming in over the gate as it was slowly closing. "I have to go, stay here Kaeren." Jakab said. "No! I'm coming with you! I can fight! I'm old enough to fight now, you've been training me!" Kaeren said defiantly. Jakab turned back to Kaeren. "No little brother, it is not your time yet to test your worth in battle. You will be an official Ta-Koto Guard in a few days. Which means you will be under my command since I am Captain of the Guard. Stay here brother, that is an order." with that Jakab threw open the door and dashed down the stairs... Kaeren stood by the window, feeling extremly helpless as more Skull Spiders began to stream into Ta-Koto. The gate finally closed, but there was still a good deal inside. He watched as Ta-Koto guards began to fight hard against the creatures, using their spears as they defended their home. He even saw his brother down at the forefront, slashing at Skull Spiders with his swords. That's it I'm going down there to help. Kaeren thought. He turned away from the window and moved across the room where several Ta-Koto Guard spears were being hung against the wall. Kaeren grabbed one of the red two-pronged spears and lifted it up before he also grabbed a shield with the flame insignia of the Ta-Koto guard across the front. He turned and dashed through the open door before heading down the stairs. Even as he moved through the tower, making his way to the fight he could still hear the sounds of battle. The Ta-Matoran threw open the door to the tower and stepped out into the courtyard. It was chaos, red armored Ta-Koto guards were everywhere attacking Skull Spiders. A Skull Spider scuttled towards Kaeren and jumped at him, Kaeren lifted his shield, deflecting the Spider and launching it into the air. Bolts of flame burst into several Skull Spiders and Kaeren turned to see The Protector of Fire, Vakama joining the fight also, his black cloak swirling behind him as he used his elemental blaster. Kaeren jumped into the fray then, using his spear as he struck at several Skull Spiders, taking three out this way. That was when Kaeren looked up, only to notice a large group of Skull Spiders crawl over the wall before launching themselves onto a group of the Guard' heads. "Watch out!" Kaeren shouted but it was too late, the Skull Spiders latched onto the Guards masks. They went rigid before they turned and began attacking their own comrades. Kaeren looked up to see his brother surrounded by piles of unmoving Skull Spiders, it gave him new found motivation in his attacks. The battle wasn't going well, it was obvious to Kaeren as he fought for his life that the Ta-Koto Guards were overwhelmed by the Spider threat.While he was busy fighting he heard his brother Jakab shouting commands at his men constantly. More and more Matoran were falling, Skull Spiders hugging their face before they rose with a new sinister purpose. The infected Matoran then began to do something organized. They swarmed the Guards booth on the side of the courtyard, grabbing the controls for the massive gate into the city, and releasing it so the gate would now open. Kaeren stood still with fear as the gate fell open, allowing passage for more Spiders to come through. Except there were no more Skull Spiders outside the gate, there was nothing except the Fire Region countryside and the massive lava moat that surrounded the castle. Then the infected did something Kaeren almost couldn't comprehend. They began to walk out onto the gate which served as a bridge across the lava moat before they stepped off the edge, willingly dropping themselves down into the lava. "By Ekimu don't!" Kaeren shouted, but it was too late, he watched as other Ta-Matoran threw themselves into the molten lava. Ta-Matoran were more heat resistant then any other Matoran, they could survive maybe a few seconds or even a few minutes in the lava, and still with severe injuries. That was why lava surfing was such a dangerous sport, most Ta-Matoran practiced first in water so they learned to never fall of their board. He charged through the crowd, running out into the gate and looking over the side to see if there was anyway to help the Matoran. Some of their arms were reaching upwards out of the lava as they slowly sank beneath its depth, he could see a few of their masks, still with a Skull Spider attatched above the surface before they sank as well. Fury overtook Kaeren as he got to his feet. He turned towards the nearest Skull Spider and unleashed a blast of flame from his palm, knocking it into the lava.
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On December 1, I'll be posting the first chapter of A Play of Light. I've finished revising the first half of the book, and this probably was the harder half as I wrote it longer ago when I was still piecing together the story. Had to rewrite and tighten up a few parts, but otherwise it's looking like a solid submission for your reading pleasure. I hope you enjoy.
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It's October 23 and I've already broken a few goals already. 1. Expected the epic to be less than 100,000 words. It isn't, and looks likely to be nearly 130,000. 2. Also expected it to be less than 300 pages, and looks to be closer to 350. 3. Final scene needs not one, not two, but THREE chapters to wrap up. I had all the action in my head for over a year now, but as I began to write it out I realized just how much there was to cover. It's amazing how so many things come together, and it's very important to negotiate them so that each thread gets its own worthy ending. On that note, I'm beginning the final scene. It should more or less roll out of me in the next week, so I believe I'm on track for December launch. Wanted to let you all know what's going on at this time. Hope you can wait a bit longer! =)
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Spherus Quest: An Episodic Comedy Adventure Character Bios coming soon... Preface Once, every 1000 cycles of the machinations of the known and unknown dimensions of existence and non-existence, a comedy line dances into the Grand Ol’ Oprey of life that escapes the meager limits of language cobbled together by the feeble minds of Matoran. Although severely limited in their ability to describe the glorious lovechild of hilarity and wit that is this comedy, many eons of intense delegation among the foremost seers and scientists that are able to call a giant robot their home have refined their sacred chants into a few sentences… “Pretty good, but I was a little lost there, and this guy already did something like that a year ago. Here’s the link. I’m getting a mod to close this thread.” So much for the tongues of Matoran. Regardless, this comedy has seen fit to grace the presence of your computer screen, Bionicle fan. In doing so, it has caused the room you are now sitting in to be saturated by holy light, and converted your pc or phone or tablet or magic mirror or potato into a holy computer. You’re welcome. Your specific device can now run Battlefield 4 on medium graphical settings and comes with a gift card for 20 dollars in Steam wallet funds. … Wait, why are you still here? Huh, you still want to read this? Really? Wow, ok… Gosh, really? That’s super cool of you. To be honest, I didn’t think anybody would get this far. I guess I’ll write something up real quick Well, here you go. CHAPTER 1 The Toa Nuva begin to discuss with the Agori leader Raanu the terms for building a Matoran refuge on the newly reconstructed planet of Spherus Magna. Although now considered beautiful and life sustaining, the planet still had its share of new dangers and challenges... Tahu: That direction. It’s perfect. Raanu: Our Thornax bushes are that way. Tahu: Okay… that other perfect direction. Right there. Raanu: That’s our other Thornax spot. Tahu: That way? Raanu: Thornax Tahu: (Points up) Raanu: Thornax Tahu: (Points down) Raanu: Thor- Tahu: (Points angrily at Lewa) Raanu: Hmmm… Tahu: What’s with you people and Thornax!? Raanu: What’s with you people and living!? Tahu: Look, we need a place to build a freaking Matoran City! For Matoran! By Matoran! Maybe if you, like, grew food instead of Thornax you wouldn’t be subsisting off of a gladiatorial combat system Raanu: Don’t be confoundin’ me wiff yur fancy orthopedics, boy. I like my innards where they be. Gali: Sir, this may be a better question: where are the Thornax NOT? (Raanu’s eyes glass over) Gali: Sir? Lewa: I think you broke it. (Gali splashes water on the Agori’s face) Raanu: I told ya’ he was lyin' on the floor this mornin’! Onua: Easy, old timer. Agori: Sorry, youngins, I thought I heard somebody mention Thornax and a negative word in the same sentence… Kopaka: Sir, we just need an area where the Agori wouldn’t mind us building a new home for the Matoran. Raanu: Why are you white? Lewa: Ohmygosh… Kopaka: We’re not going there. Cykron: Yes sir. Kopaka: Any ideas old man? Agori: I had a few , Casper, if you’d let me think. Kopaka: Ok we’re already done professionally. Cykron: Couldn’t resist. Pohatu: I just had a super cool idea! Onua: No Pohatu: Brother, there are no Mahi around. Anywhere. At all. Gali: Wait, what Mahi? Onua: (Sticks finger in Gali's face) Exactly. (Awkward silence) Pohatu: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND YOU KNOW IT. Onua: LIES. Gali: Quiet! What's your idea, Pohatu. Pohatu: . Anyway, why don’t we build a city that can house both Matoran and Agori peacefully? Gali: Sounds good to me. Lewa: Sure. Tahu: Dibs on mayor. Kopaka: … Onua: THEY WERE SO FULL OF LIFE. Raanu: Never eat asparagus before goin’ on a date, boys. Take it from me. Turaga Duma: Dibs on mayor. Tahu: NOW WAIT JUST A SEC- Oh, hello wise one. When did you get here? Turaga Dume: I'm with you, always. Tahu: That’s terrifying. Turaga Duma: Yes. Raanu: Is it dark in here or am I having a stroke… Kopaka: I sincerely hope it’s the latter. Raanu: Ow yep, still white. (The other Turaga approach, along with other Turaga from other unknown regions of the recently destroyed Matoran Universe) Vakama: Have we reached a verdict, friends? Tahu: Raanu should not be leading his own life, let alone a nation of Agori. Vakama: Yes, we will take care of that soon enough. (Scary music plays. Raanu eats a fig newton, because that’s what old people eat.) Cykron: This writing stuff is easy! Vakama: Have you come to a conclusion of where to build a new Matoran/Agori city? Gali: We have a few ideas. Vakama: (Gesturing for the other Turaga to form around him) Let’s hear it. Roughly ten minutes later… Duma: Then it is decided. We will arrange a small scouting party of six capable Matoran to venture into the newly reformed wilds of Spherus Magna in order to find the ideal location for our new city. Whenua: Why only six? Duma: It’s served us pretty well so far. Whenua: Why Matoran? Duma: Because we need all of the Toa we can spare to guard the rest of the Matoran here. Whenua: Why… Cykron: Because I came up with this story in the five minutes between calculus and english class. Whenua: Ah. Duma: Any other questions? Whenua: Well, I- Duma: Anyone at all? Whenua: I just- Vakama: I think we’re good here. Nuju: *Whistles* Vakama: Haha oh, Nuju! *Everyone laughs* *Raanu dies* Stay tuned for Chapter 2!
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http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/13919-chronicles-of-the-cold-hearted/ The review topic for my Bionicle Epic "Chronicles of the Cold Hearted". Feedback/criticism/suggestions/ideas are all welcome.
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Chapter One: A Tale of Eberhard Eberhard, a skilled young warrior garbed in leather armor, gripped a sword in his hand. In his dark eyes was a look of intense determination. Suddenly, he landed on his back, defeated. “Excellent work, both of you,” his master, a middle-aged man of great strength and agility, told his assembled pupils. His weathered gray cloak gave him the appearance of a wise sage. “These two, Eberhard and Llwelyn, have provided the best example of the Tsaeb mode of combat I have seen in many Offerings.” The master, who was named Tirem, and his students were gathered in a small forest clearing. Winter was approaching, as evidenced by the bare trees and gray sky. Tirem and his students met there daily to practice the Tabocim, the defensive arts. Mastery of these arts was the key to their civilization's survival if the long-anticipated war at last broke out. “It should come as no surprise to anyone that they are to contend for the favor of Agomnan tomorrow. All of you are worthy to serve Agomnan; but only they have shown the fortitude to accomplish Agomnan’s uncertain challenge. "I believe this has been enough for one day. I shall see you on the morrow, when the Offering shall take place, and we shall discover who will win the favor of Agomnan. May this land of Ileway fare well till then. Hwyl fawr.” ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************** “Hwyl fawr” was the customary farewell of the people of Ileway, the Syrochii. Like many of their expressions, it came from the language of the Kelbyaji, a race of powerful, benevolent beings who had once ruled the known world. Their downfall came when one of their number, Atukam, became power-hungry and locked them in a special prison that would transfer their powers to him. He then had little difficulty turning Ileway and the surrounding lands into his empire, over which he wielded power of the most oppressive kind. So cruel was he that his subjects would refer to him only as “the Nameless One.” Thankfully, Agomnan, the Spirit of Power, had arisen shortly thereafter, seemingly out of nowhere, rallying the people against Atukam and banishing him to Suratis, the underworld. In return for this great service, and so he could keep Atukam at bay, he demanded a day of Offering each month. On this day, the people of each settlement would gather, and led by Agomnan's appointed priests, each individual would surrender a piece of Minaru, a metallic gray metal that was abundant in Ileway's riverbeds. Its exact properties were unknown, though it was not difficult to sense, inexplicably, that it held some hidden, mysterious power within. Despite Agomnan's protection, however, the people lived in fear that one day Atukam might break loose, beginning a war of unimaginable devastation. ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************** After being dismissed, Eberhard stopped for a drink from a nearby stream. As he raised his cupped hands to his mouth, he felt a soft kick in his side. Above him stood Llwelyn, a jovial grin on his face. “You really ought to be more careful,” said Llwelyn. “You never know when someone might sneak up behind you . . . and they might not be as friendly as I.” “They might not be? Well, then, perhaps I shouldn’t envy you for being all-but-guaranteed to win,” Eberhard replied, still a bit flustered. “Whatever task you are charged with, I’m sure it will involve a great deal of peril.” “No doubt, my friend, no doubt. But don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re as able a warrior as I; fortune has been kind to me of late , nothing more. Who knows if it will still be with me tomorrow.” “I’d not bet on it to change. Still, I’ll welcome it gladly if it defects.” “Well, there’s little use for mere mortals to predict the future. But I grow weary as we speak. I bid you a good night, Eberhard. Hwyl fawr.” “Hwyl fawr, Llwelyn.” ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Following this exchange, Eberhard wandered through the forest to his home. As he walked, he contemplated the day's events. His defeat by Llwelyn did not bode well, regardless of Llwelyn’s own remarks and Tirem’s praise. He was sure his master was simply attempting to ease the pain of defeat. Tirem knew Eberhard’s life’s ambition was to be the greatest warrior the Syrochii had ever seen. Such a warrior would be certain to win the looming contest with ease. Eberhard had a long way to go before he would be the best warrior in Favauoc, let alone all of Ileway. He wondered if his dream was futile. Perhaps if he were stronger, or had better reflexes, he would have a chance someday. As things stood, his prospects were not promising. His nearly assured defeat in the next day’s fight would likely spell the end of his hopes. Presently, he came upon a small, withered pine tree growing amongst the roots of an ancient oak. Was he like the pine tree, he wondered? Destined to live in the shadow of greatness, but never achieve it himself? As Eberhard approached his dwelling, fallen leaves crunching beneath his damp feet, he realized that his short hair and the robes he had changed into after the fight were doing little to insulate him from the late autumn cold. He at last reached his abode, a hut built around a tree, and started a fire. The hut was itself little more than a framework of tree limbs, but it sufficed for Eberhard's spartan needs. As he sat by the fire, he slowly consumed his repast. His mind wandered to the source of his insecurities. He had no recollection of his parents, who had died the winter following his birth. His childhood was spent being passed from one home to the next. No one wanted a mouth to feed that wasn’t of their own flesh and blood, so the people of Favauoc had decided to take turns caring for him. This meant Eberhard had been raised by his entire village, and yet by no one at all, for he never spent enough time in one house to form familial bonds. Such was his lonely existence. Yet, throughout it all, his friend Llwelyn had been present to comfort him. Llwelyn was also an orphan, under the permanent care and tutelage of Tirem. He made sure Eberhard joined Tirem’s band of apprentices as soon as it was permissible. Together, they had studied the Tabocim to the point of mastery. Through the years, and the toil, they had, in a sense, become brothers. Eberhard even grew to see Tirem as a sort of paternal figure. Nonetheless, Eberhard’s lack of a normal upbringing made him feel incomplete. It seemed as though a tiny voice from within constantly whispered doubt into his soul. It told him that, because he was incomplete, forever isolated from others, he could never achieve greatness. It tormented him night and day, refusing all of his efforts to silence it. Still, he persevered. Even if he had no chance of success, he refused to be deterred from making his best attempt. He considered wandering into Favauoc to seek out some amusement to lift his gloomy mood. At last, he settled for practicing the Tsaeb fighting style on a nearby tree and getting a good night's rest before the Offering the next day. He failed to notice the comet that had appeared in the sky, directly above his house. ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************** After bidding Eberhard farewell, Llwelyn wandered around the training grounds, pondering tomorrow’s fight. He’d tried to console Eberhard, in hopes of improving his spirits. He knew such efforts were futile, but he felt he owed it to his friend. He was certain Eberhard’s self-doubt was unfounded. His talents far exceeded those of the other apprentices. In truth, he was, in some ways, a better warrior than Llwelyn. Any passing wanderer could ascertain that with ease. Why couldn’t Eberhard himself see it? As the light in the forest grew dim, Llwelyn wandered home to Tirem’s hut. The path wound through the twisted, deathly tyrgoryn trees, said to have been blighted by the power of Autukam. Eventually, the twisted mass gave way to large, healthy trees that marked the presence of a stream. It was a shallow one with long, rocky shores, which were littered with Minaru. Llwelyn collected the shiniest piece he could find and continued his journey home. He now felt fully prepared for whatever lay in wait beyond the coming dawn. ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Eberhard rose early the next morning and made the short journey into Favauoc. The village was spread out, with no two huts closer than fifty feet from each other. At the center of the village was a huge, gnarled tree with three trunks and outermost branches descending to the ground. The tree served as the village’s temple. As Eberhard approached, he saw that several others had already congregated there. Among them was Llwelyn, dressed in his finest armor, fashioned from leather embedded with bits of metal. Upon seeing Eberhard, he approached him, a pensive look in his eye. “How fare you?” he inquired. “I’m fine,” Eberhard replied bluntly. “I see,” answered Llwelyn, unconvinced by Eberhard’s words. “May Agomnan look favorably upon you.” “And may he do the same to you.” Unwilling to face his friend any longer, Eberhard moved away, his eyes fixed on the ground. He was insecure enough without having to speak with his friend and rival just before the fight that might determine the course of his life. Then again, at least Llwelyn was a noble warrior. No matter the outcome of the match, they would remain friends.. After a few minutes, all the residents of the village had gathered. The two priests of Agomnan appeared in the distance, chanting, their black robes flowing magnificently as they moved toward the congregation. When they reached the tree, utter silence fell. “Gathered friends, let us to the great Agomnan our Minaru offer up,” said the first priest in a slow, commanding voice. “Thus shall be at bay kept the One Who Is Nameless.” Slowly, everyone passed their Minaru forward to the priests, who piled the offerings around the base of the tree. When everyone was finished, there was a great flash of light, and when it passed, the Minaru was gone. “Now certain is our safety from the One Who Is Nameless,” said the second priest, in a voice similar to the first's. “Let us now await the words of Agomnan, that his will might be ascertained.” Suddenly, a vivid red glow began to emanate from the tree. Nothing like this had ever been seen by the villagers before. Agomnan merely spoke, without manifesting himself, when he ordered them to select two warriors to duel. They froze where they were standing and beheld the tree. “People of Ileway, in the town of Favauoc,” came a booming voice from the light. “Ye must needs know of a threat that, unless action swift is taken, spells the doom of ye and yours. The vile Atukam, in his connivery rampant, has a means implemented to render useless all Minaru. Were I to elaborate on this scheme, ye wouldst not comprehend. Ye have but a hope single: to from Atukam wrest the Tyrup, the only device by which the process reversed may be. There can be but one man, in all the world, who can this mighty deed accomplish; by combat shall he be chosen, and upon fate shall his quest depend. Ye may give him what help ye may, but know this: if the deed done is not before passed three Offerings have, no choice will I have but to my protection from Atukam remove. “But who among you is of such an imperative charge worthy and capable? There is but one means by which selected such a one may be. Namely, two great champions must in lethal combat engage. This, then, is why you were instructed as you were. Now let commence the battle!” The crowd gasped. No one had expected the duel to be to the death. Still, the townsfolk spread apart, forming a large circle encompassing Eberhard, Llwelyn, and the tree. Within the circle, Eberhard and Llwelyn stared at each other in shock. Neither one would ever dream of killing the other. After a long moment, Llwelyn spoke. "We must execute the will of Agomnan, Eberhard. However abominable it may seem." "I can say nothing against that." They began to slowly pace each other. After a electrifying moment, the tension that was building up in Eberhard reached a breaking point. He drew his sword and charged at Llwelyn. He wanted this fight to be over as quickly as possible. Even defeat would be better than uncertainty. Llwelyn held his ground and parried Eberhard’s blow with ease. He took no joy in fighting his friend, but he was determined to follow the will of Agomnan. He lunged at Eberhard, who parried and riposted. Not to be outdone, Llwelyn dodged the blow and struck Eberhard’s leg. Doing so heightened his sense of discomfort, but he was not going to hold himself back out of some misplaced sense of empathy. Eberhard lunged again. Llwelyn sidestepped, grabbed ahold of Eberhard’s arm and swatted his sword out of his grasp. He then landed a blow to Eberhard’s face, knocking him over. Lost in the heat of battle, Llwelyn raised his sword above his head, as if to strike a killing blow. Eberhard watched, stunned, as Llwelyn lifted his blade. There was little else he could do, for his sword was out of his reach. Surely his friend would not kill him? They had been the best of friends for so long. He knew Llwelyn. Or did he? Llwelyn stood for a moment with his sword suspended above him, then drew a sharp breath. What was he doing? He’d nearly allowed his violent instincts to control him. Disgusted, he cast his blade upon the ground, and knelt before the great tree. “O mighty Agomnan,” he said, “I have done as you have bid. I shall humbly serve you as your champion.” “Well you have fought, brave Llwelyn,” boomed Agomnan. “But mercy you have shown to your foe. Never shall any champion of mine such weakness display. True spirit Eberhard did display. Champion shall he be. You as his retainer shall languish. A lesson let this be, to clemency eschew.” With that, the red glow vanished from the tree. One could not say things returned to normal, however: in stunned silence, all of those gathered turned to look at Eberhard, and he, most stunned of all, looked back. Llwelyn stood slumped by the tree, stupefied. After a moment, the first priest spoke. “O Eberhard, thou hast heard thine commandment divine. Dost thou accept thine quest?” Eberhard’s breath froze, and his body stiffened. He was little more than an ordinary apprentice, he told himself. Llwelyn had trounced him. What special quality could he possess that would make the mighty Agomnan single him out? What power was it that would make him more important than all the villagers surrounding him, let alone Llwelyn? Still, the word of Agomnan was not to be taken lightly. Still shocked, Eberhard stammered out the words, “I accept.” “So be it. Are there any present who will consenteth to aid in this task most imperative?” “I will,” came a strong voice from near the back of the crowd. “He will need my guidance if he is to succeed,” said Tirem, Eberhard’s master. “Furthermore, if Llwelyn is to accompany him, I shall feel obliged to give what aid I can, for he is as a son to me.” “Thank you, Master,” stammered Llwelyn. “So be it. We shall, with Eberhard’s consent, depart on the morrow.” “Art thou not rather hasty, Master Tirem?” asked the second priest. “One does not simply walketh into Suratis. There are terrors of sundry kinds scattered for leagues around it, and within are such things as are nightmares made of.” “Indeed, much hardship awaits us. But what choice is there? A large band would surely be too easily noticed. We must proceed as I have said.” “So be it, Master Tirem,” said the first priest. “On the morrow, we shall mark your departure with much festivity. Until then, hwyl fawr.” With that, the assembly was over. Those present each went their separate ways, eventually becoming, to an observer, lost amongst the trees. Eberhard, who had remained silent for some time now, stayed behind, contemplating his fate. Did this mean he would, indeed, become a great warrior? Or was he merely a tool, a vessel through which Agomnan would act? Tirem remained behind also, seemingly lost in thought. Eberhard wondered if his master was about to speak to him. Sure enough, after a moment, Tirem approached him. “This has been a most unusual day,” began the master. “I imagine there is much that troubles you.” “As much as there are terrors in Suratis.” “Have you any in particular you wish to discuss?” “What will become of Llwelyn? He must be outraged that I would be named champion.” “Llwelyn will come to terms with Agomnan’s decree. Though it is a most puzzling one; ought not a true warrior show mercy to his foes?” “Perhaps such things are not for mortals to ponder. Who can fathom the will of Agomnan?” “Few indeed, if any. Still, I am left thoroughly perplexed.” The conversation continued well into the day, when Eberhard realized he needed to prepare for the journey. He thus returned to his abode, all the way taking note of the familiar sights he would not again behold for some time. Even the most pathetically withered trees and dry creekbeds seemed not so different from old acquaintances he must now part with. When he at last reached his home, he could not stop wondering how long it would be before he returned, if he ever did. ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************** After the duel, Llwelyn slunk into the forest. His world was shaken to the core, and he could not bring himself to face anyone until he had come to terms with what had happened. He bore no grudge against Eberhard; it was not his fault. Agomnan alone was responsible. How could the object of his worship betray him in so jaded a manner? Were not Agomnan’s commands the very foundation of life on Ileway? If Agomnan’s commands could not be trusted, who or what could? For the first time, he thought to question the word of Agomnan. It was still possible that Agomnan was in the right, but no longer would he accept that freely. Dazed, he meandered back home. ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************** That night, Eberhard packed some wild fruits, spare clothes, and an array of weapons into his satchel. As he drifted off to sleep, he could not stop thinking that his death, for all he knew, could come in a matter of days. The only thing that calmed him was the chance that he was not doomed to become merely another faceless warrior. Even if his life would soon be cut short, at least it would be for the most noble cause imaginable. He dreamt of fond memories, and of everything he would miss in the coming weeks. The next morning, Eberhard awoke early. Despite his worries, he felt strangely calm. His fate was sealed; what more could he do? He chose to spend his remaining time at home wandering in the forest, drinking in every sight and sound, from the shapes of withered, dry leaves, to the atonal songs of the local birds. After a time, Llwelyn appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. “The priests have summoned us for a farewell ceremony. I trust you’re prepared?” “As prepared as I can be. Though it is you who should be entrusted to retrieve the Tyrup, not I.” “Perhaps the task requires something more than the prowess of a warrior to complete.” “That’s not what Agomnan said.” “I know. But I can do nothing but hope it was what he meant.” Eberhard, in no mood to accuse Llwelyn of deluding himself, headed off for the village. When he got there, he found all the people arrayed in their best garb. The majority wore tunics made from the bark of the tyrgoryn trees, with leafy crowns on their heads; some of the more prosperous citizens also wore dark flowers, as there were no other plants that looked the least bit decorative. Various activities were under way, such as a game of yweov, a sport which involved jumping from tree to tree in order to place a rock into the opponent’s goal. All Eberhard noticed, however, was the priests and Tirem beckoning him toward the tree at the center of the village. “Silenceth,” said the first priest. “The time now hath come for us to recognize our prospective saviors. Let us hail to Eberhard, Llwelyn, and Master Tirem, for we shall not again behold their likenesses until their quest its course has run.” The crowd cheered for several minutes. Eventually, the three travelers said their farewells to the group, and, determination in their eyes, strode away from their home, past the two withered, dead trees that marked the boundary of Favauoc. Review Topic
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Almost a month later, I've moved forward several chapters, and I'm even more excited at this point. The finale of the first book is in sight, and I think I only need two or three more chapters before diving into the conclusion, which itself may span another two or three chapters. I'm leaning towards two, though, as I'm writing in a slightly different style. What style? As you'll notice right away from the beginning of the story once it's posted in December, I write about events first and things second. Action is prioritized over subjects, but I don't mean I ignore beautiful descriptions and character moments. I simply merge them so closely and have written the plot so that action is constantly pushing the description and the character progressions. It's the most fast-paced story I've ever written, and it only starts to really slow down after ten or eleven chapters. Pretty crazy. I also wanted to share that I solved a plot hole that had been looming for a few months now. I wanted this to happen, but it didn't make sense with that. Then on a walk home I just got to thinking and envisioned a tiny part of a scene I had planned, and realized the solution was staring me in the face. The solution was actually the solution to another problem in the story, and I realized it could act as two solutions in one. Actually brought a grin to my face as I felt everything clicking together. It's a great feeling. Once again, I'm very excited to present my newest story to you. I aim to finish the raw writing by end of October, and spend November revising and tightening it up. I've decided not to kill myself over details like I did with This World - that really was why I had to give up and end it because I pressured myself too much to make it perfect. It won't be winning awards for lyrical grammar or any such nonsense, but I do hope it is a fun story to read and theorize with as you go along. Two and a half months left. Here we go.
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Greetings, and welcome to the Tales of Agomnan review topic! This is a series of short stories (in effect, a serial) I wrote last year and thought I'd share. So far, there are three such stories, though I intend to write more if there is interest. Post your thoughts, criticisms, love, hate, and whatever else you have to say! Edit 10/7/14: If anyone actually reads this, Chapter 2 is now up! Link to the topic
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I feel very bad about not updating this. If I did more often, I'd probably have more people interested. Here's hoping that changes when I do actually post. People respond better when there are actual results to promises! I've reached what I consider to be roughly two-thirds of the way in the first epic of the Chrysalis Saga. I slowed down a lot in the past few months as I struggled to move past a transition point, which basically was like moving from the narrow end of a cone to the wide end. The world expanded (as planned, but it's a different thing to imagine it and write it), and I had to take time to consider what directions I wanted to go in. That's been figured out, and I'm writing quickly again. The scenes keep rolling out one or two every few days, so it's a great pace. Deadline? I have one. Even if I haven't quite finished by the end of the year (and I'd be surprised if that's the case), I'm going to start posting in December. My newest story is almost here and I'm thrilled to be this close to sharing it with you. In the coming weeks I think I'll start sharing tidbits here and there to give some colour to this Saga I keep on going about. I think it'll be a great ride. BTW - my signature mysteriously disappeared. I've been seeing people talk about forum glitches, so I assume this is what happened. Gotta get it back up!
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This is the review topic for my 3 part epic. Link: http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=9067
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Hi guys, welcome to Part Two of my three-part epic. Any questions/comments will still be placed in my standing review topic. I am currently working on "A Warrior's tale", a Short Story for Planachar. So, to keep you guys busy, I've included an introduction. Introduction A small boat came ashore on a strange island and three Matoran came out. “This is interesting…” A strange voice said. “We hardly get visitors here.” At the boat, the three Matoran were talking amongst them. “I’m telling you guys, bad thing happen on Zakaz.” One said, “That’s a load of Kane-Ra dung.” Another said. “Alright ladies, quit your whining. We have a job to do. Let’s go.” The third said. Little did they know that they had just started to walk into a trap. They strolled through towards the prestigious looking palace in the middle of a town. “Something’s wrong.” One of the Matoran said. “This place should be filled with merchants and Skakdi running about. How many other ships did we see when we arrived?” “A lot.” The second said. “I’m starting to think that we should go back to the ship.” “No. We have a job, a duty, to do for the Great Spirit, remember?” The third said. They were at the palace doors now, no one greeted them, but they walked in anyways. “Hello?” One of them called “Is anyone here?” No response was given. They walked into the throne room and, finally, saw a living soul. At least, they thought it was living. “Hello.” The Matoran said. “We are representatives from Metru Nui, and we came here to negotiate a peace treaty between our two islands, which the Turaga feels will be mutually beneficial.” “I am pleased with your offer, and will accept peace. But I’m afraid that there will be no negotiation…” The mysterious figure said. Figures started to come out of the shadows, moaning and groaning. “Become one of us.” The figure said. “Draw your weapons!” The Matoran leader said while drawing his disc launcher. “I told you we shouldn’t have come here.” The second Matoran said, drawing his katana. “You cannot resist us. Join us!” The figure declared. The Matoran died fighting. But they would not stay that way forever. ______________________________________________________________________________ (Yes, I'm including zombies.) Review Topic: HERE
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Full Picture: http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/CKinVA/Signatures/533_final.jpg This is a three part epic I am currently working on, I am up to about chapter 7 (out of about eight) of part one. I will provide updates of where I am in the epic, but for now here is an introduction to the story. Part one: 100% Part two: 3 Chapters done (It's longer than I anticipated) Part three: 0% Introduction Sandstorm started out as a Matoran, like any other Toa. But unlike most, whose lives were filled with knowledge, exploration, and regular everyday stuff. His life was as a back-alley adventurer of danger. Always on the lookout for a job that would get him cold hard money. Be it clean or not. He was often hunted by the Vahki. he was caught once. But, because of luck, he got away. He took a job one day for an old coot who lived on the outskirts of Po-Metru. He handed him an orange stone with a soft glow, and told him to take it to the Toa Suva for a friend to pick up. When he got there, Vahki were everywhere. He had to employ stealth to get inside. But it didn't work out so well. As much as he hated going underground, he had to. He almost got his head bitten off by a Tarakava in the process. Once he was inside, he dropped the stone where he was told to, and when he was about to leave, Vahki swarmed in. Sandstorm had no choice but to see what that mysterious stone could do. He quickly threw it into the Toa Suva and ducked for cover, thinking that it would explode. But, nothing had happened. Yet. He was caught by the Vahki and got thrown into jail for breaking and entering, and countless other crimes that he had committed. One day, when he was cursing Mata Nui for putting him in a place like this, a bolt of lightning streaked though the only window on the wall. Sandstorm tried to dodge, but the lightning followed him wherever he went. He finally gave up and allowed himself to be hit by the lightning and felt himself growing larger and stronger. Once the changes had finished, he looked down at his new Toa form, thanked Mata Nui, and burst through a newly made hole in the wall. _____________________________________________________________________________________ Link to my review topic: http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=9068
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Review Topic for this. Constructive criticism: encouraged.
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~BIONICLE~ The Legend Continues ... Hello people! Here's a topic where I will continue the Bionicle Story. I will write, but I would love to see people contribute anyhow, with MOCs, shorts, character descriptions, concept art, and anything you could think of! I'll do my best to discuss and integrate anything you guys post! Please note that this should be posted on this Epic's Review Topic, not here! Anyway, this is the first part. There's more description of what's happened until now than anything else, but trust me, it will NOT stay that way. I have quite an interesting idea for the murderer (that is Velika as you all know*, but that's not the idea). *Some of the story may refer to things Greg Farshtey has posted on these forums through Erebus. You can check out some of the Q and A's he's done. Freefall (forget the rubbish name I'm thinking of something ...) Brutaka stared out a window of the strange of the Great Being's Temple at the vast expanse of Spherus Magna. It wasn't a real window. From what he saw when he'd ventured out, there were no windows. What he was seeing was a screen showing what some camera on the exterior was. Him, Axonn, Helryx, Tuyet, Miserix, Artakha, Vezon, and Great Being himself had watched the whole spectacle of Mata Nui confronting Makuta, both in the forms of robots, one of which contained the universe that he and the others had known. The next thing they knew, they were on a fully reformed Spherus Magna. Then for some reason the Great Being had decided to lock down the entire building, leaving them trapped. Another thing that had changed was that Brutaka had regained his usual form, losing his mutation from the Pit, and that from the Pool of Makuta, including the conscience that had possessed him. Another issue was that neither Artakha nor Miserix could teleport them all away, due to some kind of block. The Great Being himself hadn't been seen whatsoever hiding in the darkness of his chamber, that was naturally protected by some force field, and judging from the gibberish he spoke, and how he spoke it, he was more insane than Vezon himself, who was sulking in some corner for being locked out of the Great Beings chamber and locked in the Temple itself. Vezon's Olmak that had fused itself to the back of his head like the Ignika, wasn't working either. They were all well and truly trapped. None of the people trapped seemed happy about the high tech luxury of their prison, most of them disliked each other. Brutaka was nearly convinced they could use Lewa who'd disappeared out of the temple to look around before the lockdown. He might have been able to break the tension. Suddenly Axonn got up and picked up his axe. He wasn't happy. “I've had enough of this! Waiting, staring out of the fake window! We have to do something!” “We were … And we'd tried virtually everything before realizing that this place is invincible! It's hopeless!” Snapped Tuyet, getting up angrily. “Nobody asked you your opinion traitor.” Said Helryx trying to contain her obvious craving to crush the rogue Toa. “Oh come on! Are you seriously still steaming mad about that incident thousands of years ago? Seeing some of the things you've done-” Tuyet was cut short as Helryx pinned her to the wall with her shield. “I'd suggest you shut your mouth Tuyet, unless you want me to do it for you!” Tuyet was about to strike back, only to be stopped by the mighty Makuta Miserix, violently pushing the two Toa apart. “Enough! It's bad enough without the two of you killing each other!” “We have no space for traitors! When we get out of here we'll be walking into a new world!” Yelled Toa Helryx. Artakha himself stood and telekenically pushed all three apart. “Exactly! So all of you sit down and stop fighting! Start clean. Now I suggest that either we continue to sit in this unbearable silence, a building storm in between Helryx and Tuyet, and probably soon all of us, or we actually try and find a way out of here using our heads, not our weapons!” Nobody spoke. Then the ground started shaking. Chiara and Zaria crouched behind a thick bush. They were being hunted by apparent Bota Magna Vorox. Some kind of revenge for the Glatorians hunting Bara Magna Vorox. The only difference between the two was that these had advanced technology and could speak, and their leader had cancelled out the Toas' elemental powers. As a result, Chiara Toa of Lighning, and Zaria Toa of Iron, were weaponless and powerless. A Vorox scrambled up a tree and looked around. They clearly knew that they were close, but hadn't found them yet. That's why Zaria was quietly leading Chiara through the bushes, back the way they'd came, trying to confuse the Vorox farther more. “This had better work … Our lives kind of depend on it.” Whispered Chiara angrily. “Unless you had a better idea, then I'd shut your mouth! The Vorox have acute hearing and I don't feel like dying because of you cinically biccering!” Whispered Zaria. Chiara shot a small bolt of lightning that struck Zaria and made him jolt. He was about to get back at her when he realized something. “Chiara did you see that?” “What I zapped you, and you actually seem happy about it. Want me to do it again?” “No! Our elemental powers work! Kabrua's staff only works at close proximity. How far have we gone from the Vorox?” “I don't know … Twenty mio away?” “That's not even that far. If we can get in the closest distance possible for our elemental powers to work, then we can blast him!” “Ha. You nearly make it sound easy.” Orde struck the intruder with a mental blast. The creature in front seemed to take minimal damage and threw a sword at the Toa. Orde dodged just in time as the blade went soaring past his head and impaled itself in the tree behind him. Then Gelu leaped at it from behind. It spread it's wings in a struggled to get him off as Orde ran at him face on and kicked him down. The thing simply rolled backwards and kicked both of them off, flying up into a tree and creating a force field around itself as Orde And Gelu got up, dazed. The creature didn't move, and stayed up in the trees, not showing any signs of attacking or dissipating it's force field. “That's a Kanohi Hau … Mask Of Shielding.” Pointed out Orde. “What the heck is it?” Asked Gelu stepping back and looking around for a potential weapon in case. “I am Gaardus. Not an it,” The creature replied. “Why did you attack?” “We didn't attack, you did. You appeared right in front of us.” “I didn't attack. I just appeared.” “No … I suppose you didn't. Still isn't that kind of menacing when a ten foot creature appears in front of her.” Gaardus was silent, and didn't move. Nor did a confused Gelu and Orde. The creature had simply appeared in front of them, coming out of nowhere. After a long while it talked again. “I had come to hunt. Do you want to help?” Two Toa teams walked slowly away from what used to be a huge fortress. Jaller stumbled along confused, helped along by Pouks. His mind was in shambles after being somehow psychologically manipulated into following the Golden Being. The Toa Hagah had succeded in saving him, and the rest of the Toa Mahri. That was the first shock. The second was caused by the fact they were on some Spherus Magna and the whole of the universe they knew was in ruin in some giant robot. It was hard to take in. Suddenly Jaller tripped and fell to his knees. “Sorry …” Said Pouks helping him to his feet again. “I'm alright … thanks …” He replied. He looked back at the ruin of the Golden Being's Fortress. Some parts were simply faded, or so undense that they'd shattered, others had been cleanly cut by some sort of dematerialisation field. Anyway, the damage had been done, and Anonna, the very creature that had inflicted it, had been sent to another world. Yet the Golden Being still stood fixing areas of the fortress with his mind, using the dreams of the Skakdi themselves, who some of were running around looking panicked more than anything else. “Hard to take in isn't it?” Said Hahli next to him. “Yeah … I wonder what the Golden Skinned Being will actually do after he rebuilds his fortress. I mean, what is his purpose? If he was created by Teridax, then for what? Enslaving all the Toa?” “Well he's not doing that anymore. I guess we'll have to wait and see …” The two toa stopped with the rest to see the temporel settlement for the toa and the Agori. The Mata Nui Robot lay quite far away, some of it in an ocean. It was so immensely big that the Toa couldn't see the head, or the feet. “Wow. That is big …” Commented Kongu. “The settlement looks rather … basic. And … well not very advanced.” Said Hahli. “You haven't been gone for centuries, you know? This is where most of the Matoran and the Agori live in … well lets say they don't always get on so well. For the moment at least …” Explained Iruini. “There are some small villages that are being built, and we are searching for a good location for a city, but nothing is fixed right now. Nearly half the Agori and Matoran live in camps!” Said Gaaki. “It's not as bad as that. It will get better in the future. I mean, we weren't expecting it to be a utopia the moment we settled …” Commented Norik. Suddenly, something landed heavily behind them, sending out a small shockwave. The twelve Toa swirved round, drawing their weapons, shields, spears and Cordak Blasters. “Whoa! Hold your Ussals, Toa …” The figure who stood in front of them raised his hands. He was tall and wore armour of dark purple and jet black. He wore a mask that none of them had seen, and although he was nearly definitely a Toa, he wasn't like one that any of the ones who stood in front of him had seen before. “It's alright! I'm a Toa aswell. There nothing to worry about.” The Toa lowered their weapons. “Just because you're a Toa, doesn't mean you're a good guy …” Said Kongu. “I guess not. However, I can assure you, you can trust me …” “How about you start with who you are …” Asked Bomonga skeptically. “I'm Iragan, the last Toa of Gravity …” Zaria and Chiara clutched their newly gained high tech weapons. Their plan had worked, succesfully luring two Vorox to where they could take them down. “The plan is simple. Chiara, you go and cause a distraction. Lightning and whatever you want. Don't make it too obvious that it's a distraction. Make it look accidental. An accidental backfire of your power or missuse of the weapon. I'll go round from behind, take down Kabrua, and destroy his staff.” “Sounds simple the way you put it, brother. I'll deal with the distraction. This better work.” “We haven't got a choice, sister.” Chiara snuck off under cover of the bushes. Zaria couldn't fail, or both of them would likely die. But then again, both of them had faced worse. Zaria made his way round in the opposite direction, keeping enough distance in between him and Kabrua, but enough to catch him. Once the staff was his, the Vorox were going to be easily delt with. Even without elemental powers or weapons, he was capable of taking down most of the Vorox in hand to hand combat. The only problem was the weaponry they possesed. They were not a problem with the control over metal though. Zaria got into position. He could see Chiara getting into place aswell as he awaited the signal. It came to him that all their mask powers had been blocked aswell. With his own Xhorath, Mask of Biomechanics, and Chiara's Perimi Mask of Inertion, they would with no doubt win the battle. Zaria looked ahead to see Chiara wave. He had to await the right moment. Chiara was in place. All she needed to do now was create a distraction that seemed like an accident. But as Chiara prepared to cause her distraction, something happened. There were a few thuds as arrows hit at least four Vorox in the chest, then something big crashed through the foliage above and landed on Kabrua, stabbing a sword through him. The being cut through most of the other Vorox before they could react, and drew out his bow to finish off the last ones. Chiara stayed hidden. She didn't know what to do. The creature was a huge winged being, wearing a Kanohi Hau with four legs and at least four arms, carrying a sword each. The thing slung his bow over it's body and walked over to the dying body of Kabrua. Zaria looked over at her from his hiding place, confused. What had just happened? Suddenly, two figures jumped down from the trees next to the beast, and talked to it. Only then did Chiara realize that the figures were in fact Orde and Gelu, their guide. What was there to do? The creature stopped talking to them and started picked up Kabrua staff, studying it, and storing it in a sachel. It picked up and stored a blaster that the Vorox carried, and then went on to start finishing off and gathering the bodies. Orde didn't look to happy, but they seemed to be allied with the thing. Then the beast turned towards Zaria. It had heard something. It drew out his bow as it walked towards him. What happened next didn't come as a surprise. Zaria reacted swiftly, using his Mask of Biomechanics to slow down the creature just enough to use his powers over metal to mostly disarm the beast. It managed to hold onto a sword and it's bow, and attempted to strike the Toa. Zaria dodged and fired his weapon. It caught the beast on the shoulder but the creature reacted fast, throwing it's bow over his head, pulling it and letting it ping back in his face. Taking advantage of the disorientation, it swung it's sword at knee level but Zaria just managed to dodge and roll backwards, firing his weapon again. Chiara crashed out of her hiding place and ran towards the fight like Gelu and Orde who were trying to get the beast to stop. This time Zaria took the upper hand, using his power over metal to damage the creature's armour, but it responded in shooting an arrow at it's foe. It caught the Toa of Iron in the arm and leaped at him, sending him sprawling, only to recover and painfully rip out the arrow and aim his weapon again. “Stop! Gaardus, Zaria please! Both of you, we're on the same side!” Said Gelu running over. “He smells like Vorox and carries one of their weapons …” “Well so do you, and I didn't attack did I?” Snapped Zaria angrily. “It's not particularly obvious what's happening, to be honest …” Added Chiara. Orde mentally informed them of what had happened to them. “He just slaughtered at least thrity Vorox! I don't see how you could let him to that. It's not part of the Toa Code …” Grumbled Zaria. “I'm not a Toa.” Pointed out Gaardus. “But Orde is …” “He simply left and attacked the Vorox. We followed him in the treetops but there wasn't much I could do. We were in range of Kabrua's staff …” Retorted Orde. Zaria made a slightly skeptical face and looked at Gaardus. “So what are you doing slaughtering Vorox, big guy?” “I was hunting.” “Why? What had they done to you?” “Nothing. They were already dead, and I may have use of their parts, weapons, or technology.” “They were already dead? What do you mean?” Asked Gelu curiously. “They were killed, and somebody used their empty shells. I couldn't feel a consciousness in any of them. Somebody was controlling them …” Orde looked stunned. “But I could read Kabrua's mind! He definitely had one …” “Yes. He seemed more alive. There was still his last moments of consciousness in him. But he was still being controlled.” “But by who?” Asked Chiara. “I read Kabrua's mind, or what was apparently left of it. This is going to sound strange, but I think these Vorox were being controlled by a Great Being himself, and whoever this being is, he has been hiding in disguise, in the Matoran Universe itself …” Sahmad ran across the shallow river, the pursuer close behind. The Agori of iron was out of breath, clutching a feeble dagger. The thing running behind him was a huge, nearly Skopio sized wolf like creature. Sahmad crashed through the undergrowth of a small forest and out into a more deserty area where grass was only just starting to grow. The monster behind him bought down a few trees as it followed him. Whatever I was, was catching up fast. He wouldn't escape, not on open ground anyway. Then Sahmad realized that he wouldn't even be able to try. He stopped short of a cliff as the silver beast finally closed in, roaring a roar that must've been heard a few mio away. The Agori turned round to face the Iron Wolf that slowly took a few steps towards him. He was as good as dead. Suddenly, a sound wave powerful enough to knock him off his feet struck, and there was a blinding light. Then it all went black.
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So I'm going to be writing this. And it's probably going to get pretty dark and stuff by the time it's done. But I think it'll be fun. Review Topic Prologue I am Toa. My name? I just gave it to you: Toa. That is all I am called here, for truly, that’s all I am. They have never given us names. That would be silly, like trying to name every grain of sand on the beaches of Ga-Wahi. Utterly ridiculous. Ever since the dawn of time, when the Great Spirit Mata Nui graced us with our lives, there has been one in control. We never knew who or what he was, and we weren’t allowed to ask. He demanded us to call him Speaker. And he deemed it well that Toa existed, and he wished for there to be more. It was discovered by him that a Toa could create Toa Stones, which would enable six Matoran to become Toa. It was never told to us what became of the “donor” Toa, but we didn’t care. We had six new Toa, and we were happy with that. Not two days ago, I was a Po-Matoran. Now I am a Toa. I stood next to my worktable, carving an eye for a Toa statue that was to go up in Kini-Koro, one of the thousands there, dotted across the landscape. Some had been turned into protodermis fountains, some had been set up as memorials. But all were there to remind us of the high priority, creating as many Toa as possible. I opened a drawer on my workstation and pulled out a chisel, preparing for the detail work, when I was approached by a brown Toa. I recognized him as an old once-matoran friend of mine, Teharen. I looked up at him, slightly hesitantly. Even though I knew him before, his being a Toa, it still unnerved me. “Hello, Retras,” he said to me. I nodded. “Hello, Teharen.” “It’s time for you to become a Toa,” he said abruptly. I looked up in shock. Sure, his appearance here was unprecedented, but I had decided that he had come to catch up, or something. But becoming a Toa. He had always dreamed of being one, and the statistics, well, the fact was that eventually, every Matoran would become a Toa at one point or another in their lives. But to actually become one was…unthinkable. But what an honor. “Thank you,” I stuttered, feeling that I should kneel, or…something. I started to bend my knee after setting down my tools, but he lifted me up by my shoulder. “Come with me,” he said. “Your time to become a Toa is now, and we must be swift. Speaker doesn’t like to wait.”
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So, here's a fanfic about what happened after the battle of bara magna. I was NOT impressed in the way that BIONICLE ended, so I decided to make it stretch a bit so there could be an ending which promises there will always be more. I have always liked the 'I won't tell more, but the story goes on' type of endings, so this aims to do exactly that with BIONICLE. So, let us start. After the battle of Bara Magna, the great spirit robot is destroyed, so it falls on the new planet. In it's fall, the head ends up surrounded by the newly-made seas coming from the aqua magna fragment. Now, the great spirit robot actually had lots of energy inside it when it exploded, Teridax was killed before he could use up all of the energy. So what happened with the head fragment of the robot? It's systems activated al at once due to the surplus of energy. And, of course, the camouflage system did also (see where i'm going?). With the camouflage systems active, the fragment used up all it's energy and lay still on the sea of spherus magna. The camouflage system, of course, had created an island which we all know well, surrounded by the same waters, but without any inhabitants. Now, the matoran from the matoran universe were having problems with the local population. They did not understand their ways, least of all their scavenging for materials, while it was in the matoran's nature to build. The agori started to skavenge from the Matoran, and the matoran could not understand why the others did not create things. And last of all, the agori did not understand the principles of unity, duty and destiny, because they were never planned as artificial workers inside a robot. Thus, the two races became separated, so the turaga had a meeting in which they decided that the best way to live along with the locals was living in places apart from the agori villages, but mantaining contact with them. So they sent toa to look for areas which would suit the matoran. Eventually, Takanuva came to the new island on the head of the great spirit robot, and recognised there his old home, in which he explored, fought and (sometimes) worked. So he went to the turaga and spoke to them about their old island, which was close to the coasts, but somewhat isolated. If they settled there, they could be in contact with the Agori, but still live like thay always had, with their koros and all. But there is a problem: the new planet is huge. There are not enough toa to defend everything from vorox, bone hunters and others. So a new generation of Toa is required. One which can defend the matoran on the new Mata Nui, but not leave the rest of the matoran undefended. So lesovikk steps in. He wants to clear his name for the murder of karzahni. As he cannot prove his innocence, he would rather be a turaga than a toa which no one trusts. So lesovikk transfers his toa powers to toa stones, and gives them to the Toa Nuva, so they can decide who gets the stones from the matoran of Mata Nui. The toa Nuva, of course choose the chronicler's company, because they had already proved their worth in the great war. The new toa team, the toa magna, travel with the rest of the mata nui matoran to the new island to start again with the building, as they did a millenia ago. So, what do you think? I have thought of more, of course. Should I continue writing? Is it too unlikely? Would any of you be interested in such a story? Do you like the idea of bringing back the island which we loved when we werekids trying to figure out how to play MNOG?
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So, I'm starting this topic to see if anyone here is interested in this old board game released by Hasbro back 2002. Basically, it was a combination card game and miniature game set in the the Star Wars universe; the object was to defeat all of your opponent's "Main Characters" by using cards that had special powers. Each character had his own "deck" with 31 cards. The game has become something of a cult classic in the gaming community, at least for those who remember when it first come out. There is (or was) a rather impressive online community devoted to the game, having created hundreds of decks and expansions with settings including: The Lord of the Rings, Marvel, DC, Heroes, Firefly, and even the Bible to name a few. These days, if you want to play duels, and aren't lucky enough to still have your old beaten up copy, you can play online using the Vassel Engine. The rule book can be found on Wikipedia for those looking for it. So anyone, here heard of this gem of a game?
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One The Matoran was Red from mask to toe, and made no sound as he moved slowly through the charred. Somehow, despite his sluggishness, he was undetected by any creature, whether it be Rahi or dark spirit. Accomplishing that in the never-ending glow of Ta Wahi was no easy feat. He was a messenger, and today his job was to find one to bring to Turaga Vakama. The guard's best scout was out with a missing leg, and Kapura foresaw that he would not be returning to full health any time soon. Some would say Kapura had a lack of empathy, but in truth he simply was of the conviction that a job like this was much better suited for someone of his... ability. The task at hand was deceptively simple. There was a noise, and he was tracking it. The noise had startled Kapura while he had been practicing, and as per his duty he would follow it until he knew just what was likely to assail Ta-Koro in the future? Was it Inferivaka? Hikaki? No, judging by the roar, it was something that generally didn't bother itself with Matoran culture. Not everything dangerous was a predator, but these days every predator was increasingly dangerous. And the village needed to know before hand if they had a chance of survival. He crouched behind a tree. The sound had last been heard by the lava river a few bios away. He surveyed the perimeter, making sure nothing else was hiding behind any trees or boulders, and then quickly found himself by the river. Scratch marks. Burnt wood. Ash of a different color than normal for the forest, most likely because it had been formed in an instant rather than via a slow burning fire. These were signs of a struggle, but pitting what against what? By the time he had finished his mission and was rushing back to Ta-Koro, he still did not know the assailant. It was ultimately Makuta, of course, but he did not personally come out in the bright of day. However, the Dark Spirit's prey this time was certain, and though Kapura was faster than any other Matoran on the island, he had a feeling that Vakama would not be the first Ta-Korian to receive news. But if nothing else, at least it was good practice. * * * “No, that won’t do, we need to widen the eastern flow,” said Aodhan, his yellow-orange Kanohi frowning with frustration. The Matoran to his left shook his head. “We only just harvested tri-divides one and three two days ago, and they’re already filling up again. We don’t want to risk an overflow like last time.” “I’ve already been through this, Agni… that was most likely a freak accident. Jaller was certain those boulders hadn’t been there before, and now that they’re cleared, the core flow is even again.” “Freak accident? Or Makuta?” Agni replied sternly. “I may be thrice voted “most likely to die wrestling a possessed Rahi into the river,” but even I’m not going to assume the Spirit of Darkness isn’t just going to pull the same stunt again.” “I still don’t buy that it was Makuta,” sighed Aodhan, “but since we’re on the subject, do you have any better ideas?” The Matoran to Aodhan's left raised her hand. “Um, I do,” she said, in a squeaky but intelligent voice. “I’ve been surveying the northern flow, and I think we may be able to divert some more to the eastern tri-divides if we dig a trench in the path I’ve marked.” She handed the tablet in her hands to Aodhan, who looked it over with increasing confusion? “You do realize we will need at least two extra pairs of Fire Mahi and three farmers out of the infirmary if we even want to accomplish this?” Aodhan said sternly. “What is the big idea you have this time.” She grinned. “Just an observation that we might be able to save a lot of time and work if we let the lava do most of the pathmaking for us. All we need is to plow a little indent from east to north, and…” Agni’s eyes widened. “Yes, of course, brilliant idea as usual, Tiribomba!” “It’s worth a shot, I suppose,” Aodhan replied. “Get the workers on it immediately.” As the lava farmers assembled and began to toy with nature once more, they were watched without ceasing by the captain of the guard and his militia, all of which were bored out of their minds and yet also rather on edge. “Makuta always attacks when you most expect him but when you least can afford him to,” Turaga Vakama had once said, and Jaller had had plenty of time and experience to drive that into her memory box. Most of her guards were slightly less quick on the uptake, but even they understood that when Jaller told them to keep their eyeslits firmly planted on the Lava farmers at all times, they better not be caught reading the latest Kohlii journal or filing their armor. Of course, there was more to being a guard than simply spotting danger. You had to nip it in the backplate. And that was becoming an increasingly impossible task. “So, what if it’s another swam of Hikaki?” said Agni, who had never been very adept at strategy. “It won’t be. Most of them had their infected Kanohi burnt off, and its going to take time for Makuta to replenish them.” “But what if we’re wrong? What if they come back in full force and we have to use the last freeze disk? Then we’ll have nothing left but our guard staves and bare hands. I could handle about twenty, buy you a diversion of course, but then I’d be lizard food and you’d have to do recruiting again.” “Are you implying I couldn’t also wrestle Hikaki until my gears corroded?” Maglya interjected, feisty as ever and still treating everything like a sporting event. “Trust me, when you’ve done a 720 spilt over the lava falls, you’re not going to be a pushover against some overgrown scale piles.” ”Sister, trust me, he doesn’t mean any more harm than he ever does.” Keahi conforted. She herself was familiar with sports, but there was something about Kohlii that didn’t have such a detrimental effect on a Matoran’s nerves like lava surfing did. Maybe once you had spent enough time inches away from falling to your doom, you didn’t have nerves left to tense up. “Yes, I was only saying that I don’t want anyone to have to take my place like you had to take poor Lhii’s,” sputtered Agni. “Rather roundabout way to say that,” Maglya replied sourly. “Not as roundabout as your races,” Keahi interjected. The conversation then drifted into a long discussion of the 950’th annual lavathon, and if Jaller hadn’t been such an observant captain, she probably would have assumed that they were goofing off. In reality, this was just their way of coping with the grim circumstances the whole village… no, the whole island, faced. In the end, when a Rahi attacked or the volcano erupted, they would all serve valiantly in their own special way, and though she would have to work mighty hard they didn’t step on each other’s toes, she wouldn’t dream of giving up any of them to Makuta. If only she had been firmer in that conviction back when Lhii had still been third in command…. “Um sir,” the voice of Kalama, his second in command, rang out from the watchtower. “Does lava usually curve like that?” Jaller squinted her eyes and looked in the direction of Kalama’s pointing finger. It only took a moment to make a decision. A few blows of the seashell later, the lava farmers were scrambling away from the eastern flow, just before a large blob of lava burst out of the river and shook fiery liquid everywhere. By the time Jaller and the other guards has assembled down below, the blob had revealed itself to be something much more dangerous. “Ranama, wonderful,” Jaller said, her mask firmly plastered in her hand. “What do we do? They’ve never been infected before! How are we supposed to get near…” “Enough!” Jaller exclaimed, as quietly as possible. “We don’t know that its infected. It might have just wandered too far from its nest….” Her words were interrupted by a loud clang and a gloopy roar. Maglya had just thrown her guard staff at what appeared to be a kanohi-shaped indentation on the Ranama’s back. The staff stuck to the surface for a second, and then melted into slag, which merged with the Rahi’s lava coating. The creature turned around, its reptilian eyes laced not with anger, but with the suicidal determination of a creature whose mind was no longer its own. This is going to be one of those days. Jaller thought. Review Topic
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A review topic for Superiornatural. It's naturally superior! Go check it out! We authors have a little routine when posting chapters. First, I write a chapter, then JiMing, then Axilus, then Flaredrick, and the process repeats. For now, the routine is scratched.
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Last summer, I made a comic series just like this epic, but abandoned it after two comics. But over a week ago, I posted a question on my profile feed asking if I should write an epic based off the comics. Some of my friends excitedly said I should and asked to become co-authors. Lucky for them, Hahli Husky allowed them to post their chapters here in the topic. If I ever decide to focus on Superiornatural (the comics), this would make a great story template. Now, this epic is about a cryptid-hunting organization called Superiornatural Inc. (big surprise there) that has bases all around the world with operatives working 24/7 to eliminate the supernatural and paranormal from the planet (which may be Earth-like, but not exactly Earth. It's more like an alternate Earth) completely. However, the CEO running the joint may be supernatural himself. This is the story of his organization. You may call it- Authors: Me Axilus Prime JiMing Flaredrick: Forgotten One Now, we authors have a little routine. First, I write a chapter, then JiMing, then Axilus, then Flaredrick, and the process repeats. Unfortunately, the price to entertain you all is to read hair-raising stories and descriptions about the creatures in this epic. And reading that costs me most of my sleep. But I won't make this incredibly scary, so I do encourage you to enjoy this epic as my team is putting a lot of time and hard work into this. If the scariness isn't your thing, then why not read it for the occasional humor? Review Topic Deep in the heart of a forest, a strange-looking monkey climbed up into a tall tree to feast on a meal it had foraged. But fruit wasn't on the menu today. This monkey was snacking on the flesh of a Rahi that it killed. Upon closer inspection, the killer primate was no ordinary monkey. Sure, it resembled one, but this specimen was demonic-looking with blood-red eyes. This creature is defined by cryptid experts as "Devil Monkey". Little did the Devil Monkey know was that it wasn't alone and is being watched. Suddenly, the sound of gunfire rang up above the trees. When the echo died down, the monkey fell to the forest floor, dead. The mysterious watcher then began to leap from tree to tree toward a clearing where his helicopter awaited. As he jumped into plain sight, you could see that the being was a Matoran of the Green (Agori-sized). His green Hau housed tired-looking but secretive eyes. His torso, feet, and hands were also green. The rest of his limbs were blue, but had grey joints. He wielded a customized pistol only used by one organization. That organization is Superiornatural Inc., and the uniform the Matoran wore is enough proof. The Matoran's unique uniform would tell anyone that he is Sybre, CEO of S.N. Inc. Sybre got into his helicopter and flew away to his base miles away. Soon, nighttime came hours after the death of the Devil Monkey specimen. In a suburban home, Jaller and Hahli were watching TV when a commercial break began. The first commercial was one for Superiornatural Inc. and showed Sybre in his office. "Ugggh," Hahli sighed, "It's that weird wannabe Ghostbuster guy again! I'm sick of seeing his commercials that claim he will rid the world of carpets or whatever! That's as big of a long-shot as a new DragonBall series, which I also hate!" "Hey, come on, honey," Jaller calmly protested, "He says he's gonna save the world! Allow him to say it again." The commercial Sybre began to speak. "Hello, world," he said, "You may know me as Sybre, CEO of Superiornatural Inc., which is what I want to introduce you to." Hahli was about to say something, but Jaller pulled out some rope, a blindfold, and a roll of tape, so she kept quiet. "Superiornatural Inc. is no pansy bug-extermination company. We slay monsters," Sybre continued, "But our specialty is cryptids, supernatural, paranormal, and the occasional Sasquatch. But that's not all I have to say." He walked through a door into a giant laboratory. "We also capture cryptids and even ghosts and perform harmful experiments that no average Matoran would be able to survive." the CEO explained, "That way, we can learn more about these creatures that live among Rahi or even your trash cans." Hahli worriedly looked outside at the trash cans as they slightly shook. "We have locations literally all over the world." Sybre added, now back in his office, "Just call this number and the nearest Superiornatural base will answer your call. Our investigators will have a look at your situation and we will send a squad of trained operatives to eliminate your paranormal problem." Hahli saw an unidentifiable creature crawl out of one of the trash cans. "But what happens if we don't make it in time?" Sybre asked, "No problem! Our bases provide refuge if you are to be forced out of your dwelling due to cryptids! We'll give you entertainment and serve you 3 meals a day along with snacks for the vigorous eaters." Jaller looked at Hahli with a grin. "So, are you having a supernatural or paranormal problem? Or is it just Bigfoot? I encourage you to contact my organization and we'll take care of it for you!" Sybre finished as Superiornatural's contact information appeared on the screen. Hahli looked out the window and saw something ugly looking back at her. "Jaller!" Hahli almost screamed, "Call them! Hurry!" "I knew you'd warm up to them eventually," Jaller responded as he reached for his phone. Then, a short, hunched, gaunt creature handed Jaller the phone, which he thanked it for. "Wait a second..." Jaller said as he looked over at what handed him the phone. It was the same creature that crawled out of the trash can and Hahli saw in the window. The couple screamed so loud the neighbors called the cops. They called the wrong number, didn't they? Up next: Chupacabra
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Review Topic - Reviews are not necessary but are extremely welcomed, even if it's just telling me that you're reading so I know that I'm not posting cheese into the Void. Chapter 1 Trinuma, member of the Order of Mata Nui, was bored. That, in and of itself, was a unique condition, especially considering that he had just invaded a fortress and was walking past vaults of…treasure. But unfortunately, this fortress was Daxia, and the treasure at hand was written on tablets. Information. On Mata Nui, his mission. The true nature of the giant robot. Commentary on various peoples and objects of power. All of which Trimuma had learned and memorized long ago. Which meant he had little interest in salvaging these records from their giant vaults, and taking them out into Spherus Magna where enemies could find them. Well, okay, they were going to build another fortress, but still – not exactly the best plan. He was about to give in and go tell Tobduk just that when he reached the last vault door. Or rather, didn’t reach it – it had been melted away. Of the records in that last vault, there was no sign. Trinuma shuddered. This could not be. Should not be. But the evidence was unmistakable. I failed. Somehow. But it was impossible. He knew it was. He knew that…Tobduk could not find out about this. He ran. Whoever did this was on Spherus Magna. He would find them, and finish the task he thought he had finished. * * * Turaga Kali, Turaga of Plasma, was trying very very hard not to laugh his head off. For one thing, it would disrupt his friend’s pinpoint and precise concentration as he piloted his plasma-fired flying vehicle at ridiculously fast speeds. For another thing, the robot that they were flying through was very cold and quiet and any sound would likely echo for miles. It was only when the two touched down next to their hut on the outer reaches of town that Kali finally let loose his bolt-ripping guffaws. He slapped his Toa partner on the back. “That was terrific! That look on Trinuma’s face was priceless!” The Toa, ignoring Kali, began unloading the large parcels from the back of the vehicle and began sorting through them without comment. Time was of the essence. “These are the ones we want.” Tacker said, handing a particularly large stack of tablets to Kali. He dissolved the rest of them easily – most of these, Kali noticed, were treatises on extinct Rahi, including dates and cause of extinction. Well, okay, there was one tale of an old fortress that had withstood several Skakdi raids before all of its inhabitants vanished, mildly interesting, but not worthy of much attention. “Are you sure there’s nothing valuable in there?” Kali joked. Tacker shrugged, and helped Kali carry the tablets inside. “C’mon, Tacker, lighten up. What is with you?” “We have to find them before they die. If they aren’t dead already – hopefully they froze before the air ran out.” Kali grimaced. “Well, at least we do have these tablets. It could be worse.” But Tacker was already reading the first tablet off the stack with rapt attention. Kali scowled. He remembered a simpler time, when Tacker would have laughed at his jokes. When the two would have happily celebrated their successful campaign of pulling a fast one on the most secretive organization in the universe. But to the now-methodical Su-Toa, it was just one more step in a larger plan. * * * A short while later, Tacker looked up from his reading. It was late, and Kali turned on the lightstone in the hut. Tacker saw that Turaga had finished his own stack of tablets and had a somewhat resigned look on his face. Only a couple more tablets to go, and Tacker would be done. He was starting to wonder if he had gotten the wrong vault. None of any of this made any sense. Sure, it was all there – what he expected… He caught a movement, near the window. Someone was spying on them! Nervous, he jumped to his feet, carefully setting the tablet down. Tacker ran to the door and stuck his head out, looking around for the fleeing intruder. There! The street-stones showed a shadow, ugly and misshapen, heading away from the hut. Trinuma! Tacker ran, calling on the power of his Kanohi Kadin as he did. Took off, following the shadow. Flight gave him the advantage of silence, although without the Mask of Concealment he had been using earlier, his orange and white armor would be plainly visible. However, the stranger appeared to be in a hurry, not minding the pursuer at all. They were soon near the center of town. Tacker slowed a bit, rising higher so not to lose his quarry in all the twists and turns, and to avoid being seen by anyone below. The stranger entered a small humble building near the center of town. Tacker landed into a run, panting furiously... He arrived just in time to see the Mask of Life vanish into thin air. Two Matoran guards and a Toa lay unconscious on the ground, clearly in some sort of pain. Frantic, Tacker ran around the pedestal. Feeling it. No mask. He saw a shadow outside slip away. Ran, following the stranger through the maze of alleys. He was closer, using his flight power to go fast close to the ground. The monster. Right there. A small rivulet of plasma formed between his fingers, just so the garish green light might illuminate his nemesis. He saw armor, flickering and fading, and then felt a burst of pain on his forehead. Something hit, and he fell on his back. He didn’t feel the second impact. * * * The world shook Tacker awake. He was staring at the sky, and his world blared red. He twisted his head to his left, seeing a huge contraption bearing down on him, like a giant Rahi on wheels. Tacker looked down at himself. Chains, blinking red lights embedded in them. Well, you picked the wrong Toa for this trick. Tacker tried his elemental power. Nothing. Tacker looked, frantic. He had seconds, maybe. Head jerked left, then right. There were bolts hooking the chains to the ground. They had gaps at the bottom, enough for a link to pass though, perhaps. He grabbed the last link. Inhaled. Exhaled, flattening his chest, and slipped the link through the bottom of the bolt and out. The chain went slack, and Tacker threw the chain off. Rolled free. The rails shook, and his mask sent him up into the air…right in front of two shocked Skakdi faces. Review Topic
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Review topic Here. PROLOUGE Given the unusual circumstances in which this story takes place, I will have to remind you that this is all completely true. The names have been changed, for reasons that will become obvious soon enough. Now that that is over, let us begin. In the years since the Matoran had populated the enormous landmass south of Mata-Nui, they had encountered new rahi. They settled the large, expansive landscape, and these settlements, in due time, would become large cities and slightly less large towns. That time had not come yet, when these events took place. In the plains, feral rahi prowled, usually during the night. In the forests, other, more varied monsters dwelled at the fringes of perception. In the deserts, you were more likely to die from thirst or exhaustion than at the claws or fangs of the hardiest creatures in the continent. In the tundra, extreme temperatures and well-camouflaged beasts make living there difficult. Other than that. the Southern Continent was completely safe. This dangerous world is where our story takes place. To be more specific, a nameless village in the rolling hills near the center of the landmass. An non-walled, lightly guarded settlement just outside the forests I mentioned earlier. It is here, where our story begins.
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Title explains it all. Discuss my new epic Peter: http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=10742
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Hi guys, got another epic for you all. This time, it's about Gratoraxe. ____________________________________________________________________ Introduction Gratoraxe was just a simple Ba-Matorn miner, nothing more, nothing less. He hated his job, yes, but his girlfriend more than made up for the seemingly endless hours of toil in the dark, dank mines under Po-Metru. Every week, once they had finished their final shift, they would get together at the local diner and share a meal. But all of this changed when the X2 Robots arrived... ____________________________________________________________________ REVIEW TOPIC Chapter One, Goodbye Gratoraxe was mining one day when he heard Reyna scream, he dropped everything and bolted through the corridors to Reyna's station. When he arrived, he saw two huge robots hauling a chained Reyna away. "Gratoraxe!" She yelled "Stay back!" Why would he stand down when his girlfriend was being hauled away? He charged at the robots, sword in hand. He did little more than annoy the robots. The robots dropped Reyna and cocked their triple-barreled shotguns. "Not good." Gratoraxe said. "Hold your fire." A mysterious voice said. "I propose a deal, Gratoraxe. If you come with us, then we'll let your lover go." "No Gratoraxe, don't do it." Reyna pleaded. There was a long pause. Gratoraxe was lost in thought, there was a great chance that he might never see Reyna again. "Well, which is it?" The voice demanded. Gratoraxe had to make sure that Reyna would be safe. "Fine." Gratoraxe said. "Take me." The robots undid Reyna's chains and bound Gratoraxe with them. "Goodbye." Gratoraxe said solemnly. Before they got too far away, Reyna ran up and kissed Gratoraxe. "I'll always remember you." She told Gratoraxe as they hauled him away.
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I got bored today, so I decided to try writing an epic out of nowhere based off of an idea I had while biking. The chapters are going to be short, and I actually don't have this planned out in the slightest. Like, I have an idea of a few scenes I would like, but otherwise this is completely improvised and I have little more of an idea of where this is going than any of you. Hopefully the prelude catches your interest, though. 24601
