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LETTING THE READER KNOW THAT THE SETTING OF A STORY IS THE END OF THE WORLD IS ALWAYS A CATCHY, IF NOT CLICHÉ OPENING LINE, but in this case it seems more interesting to note that this story revolved around the philosophical implications of pizza. You could never have enough pizza. Well, you could, presuming that your stomach was at risk of exploding, but imagining that someone could eat on end and never have to worry about getting full, why would anyone want to stop to do anything but enjoy the sensation of having pizza in their mouths? Pizza was the reason mad wizards sought immortality in the first place, because dying meant you could no longer eat pizza. What a scary thought.……….As it happened, the end of the world was brought about by a mad wizard, although he claimed to like more sophisticated food. In fact, the food he liked was positively nasty. Well, perhaps that was why he was a mad wizard, because otherwise, if he sought immortality to eat pizza he would actually be a very sane wizard.……….But that’s irrelevant.……….Now, there was Buzzy and Monosmith, who resisted the end of the world and fought in many battles while crying out many sacred ideals. God, democracy, liberty, God, freedom, integrity, altruism, and God. It seems that they had their ideals down nice and neat.……….Well, they lost, the end of the world came, and the evil wizard ruled the universe for fifty-three million years. Buzzy and Monosmith each survived by virtue of time distortion and arrived at the end of those fifty-three million years to join the resistance that was at its peak then. They met each other in what felt like ages, even though it had really been more like three years for them.. It was on the outskirts of a really huge battle with laser fights and all the works. On a hill where Buzzy parked his space ship. They just stood there, panting.……….“You know what I need?” said Buzzy. “Pizza!”……….“I don’t think they have that this far into the future,” said Monosmith.……….“I have one in my space ship,” said Buzzy.……….Buzzy’s ship was big enough that he and several friends and allies lived comfortably within for two years in time distortion, and it most certainly had freezer cambers. These held pizza and other goods that helped Buzzy survive while flying near the speed of light throughout outer space.……….So they took a pizza from the ridge. In fact, several pizzas, because they were a lot hungrier than usual. Fighting battles and saving the world did that to you.……….“I want Red Baron,” said Buzzy.……….“Hey wait, it looks like you have Tombstone,” said Monosmith.……….“I like Red Baron more.”……….“The Tombstone is even stuffed crust. My mother used to buy those all the time.”……….“My mother – “……….“Don’t even. Your mother was an alien from the planet Alantra. You didn’t even taste pizza until you came to Earth as a teenager.”……….“The first I had was Red Baron. I have a lot of nostalgia, too, you know.”……….“Alright, how you cook Red Baron and I cook Tombstone? Isn’t that the obvious solution?”……….“Hey, wait, you’re right. Why are we even arguing about this?”……….They shrugged. It was just them being exhausted. So they cooked their pizza and sat in Buzzy’s lounge, looking out the window at the battle beyond where laserfire scorched the landscapes. Then the pizza was done, and they ate it with their feet kicked up on the table.……….“You know, I could probably end this whole battle on my own,” said Monosmith.……….“You’re being so emo lately. Lighten up. Because Pizza.”……….“Yeah, you’re right. It’s pretty strange. I’m kind of sure that this time we might be heading toward the end of the universe for real. As in, everything gets destroyed, not just a way of living. Everybody’s talking about the pursuit of happiness and has no idea what it is, and yet, here we are eating pizza. All we need are Ashley and a few other good old friends and I’d call this pretty good.”..........“I just had an idea,” said Buzzy, pointing out to the battlefield with the point of his current slice. “Why was it called the end of the universe in the first place? I think it was all because the evil overlord took control and hated pizza. I mean, then people stopped enjoying the simple things in life. People looked for power and pushed forth these strange agendas. Why can’t they just accept the simple pleasures in life? Like pizza. Pizza’s the purpose of life.”……….Monosmith shook his head. “Well, I believe the purpose to life is love, but then, what is love?”……….“Baby don’t hurt me.”……….“Stop it.”……….“Hey, you like classical music and I like pop, and that’s a good song. Imagine if that song would be playing over the battlefield. It would be pretty epic.”……….“Maybe after we win a few battles, we can spread the joy of pizza again.”……….Buzzy finished his last slice and thought it over as he chewed. “The question is, would it be Red Baron or Tombstone?”……….“I think we’ll find out,” said Monosmith.……….And thus was what might have been the single most important conversation in all of history. Buzzy and Monosmith made a bet on whether the masses would like Red Baron or Tombstone better. They fought a few more battles, as they said, reveled in the Technicolor of the laser weapons . Then, as it looked like the good guys were winning the war, they celebrated prematurely and started recreating old pizza recipes and campaigning with food.……….It turned out they were both right, Buzzy in the area of what music fit a laserfight and Monosmith in the area of pizza, which by far was more important. Then, when the good guys won, they resigned to their simple pleasures. Music, reading, play, friendship. And Tombstone was the best pizza. 24601
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THEO WAS LYING, AS ALWAYS, and he would never tell the truth. Neo couldn’t understand it, and he was sick of it. He made up his mind and decided that he would have nothing to do with him anymore. There was nothing – nothing – that could redeem this crooked old man.……….“Now wait just one minute. Where do you think you’re going?” said Theo. He put down his pen as Neo walked past his desk.……….“Out forever,” said Neo. “And there’s nothing you can do about it.”……….“Do you mean to say what I think you mean?” asked Theo. He got up and put on his jacket. “Well, then, I’m coming with you.”……….“No, that’s against the point!” snapped Neo. “I’m leaving you and I’m never coming back! I’m never going to have anything to do with you. Do you realize how many people’s lives you mess with?”……….Theo was by Neo’s side now. He gave Neo a stern look. The crags that had accumulated over a long time over his forehead increased. It was the face of a man who always got his way and would not take “no” for an answer. “And where do you think you will go?”……….“That logic won’t work with me. That’s called making a deal with the devil, and he always comes to collect. I’m not going to do that. I’m not so short sighted or so low on faith. I’ll make ends meet.”……….“Boy, you have no idea what it’s like to make a deal with the devil,” said Theo. He put his hands in his pocket and lowered his head as they walked out of the business building. They passed Theo’s secretary, and Theo snapped his fingers. “Grab me a gun. I’m going out.” The waiter opened his drawer and threw a gun into Theo’s hands, which he took in stride and tucked underneath his jacket.……….They reached outside. There were many poor people on the street. Many of them had guns as well.……….“I’ve denied to other people, Neo, the consequences of my actions. I know this world is a hellhole right now, and the guilt for this situation lies in large part on my shoulders, but I have never hid this from you. When I compromised with evil in the hubris of my youth several generations ago, I put up a lie in my shame and in my sureness and conviction of my strength. Yet, that lie is pointless now. Your development has been much stronger now that you have seen the sins of the father. You can learn from my failures, and I have not yet finished grooming heroes to help me atone for my failures.”……….“I’m not going to be the one who helps you,” said Neo. “You don’t deserve it. I’ going to fix this world up, but it won’t be with the person who destroyed it.”……….“If you go right now I will shoot you,” said Theo.……….“Sir! You’re my grandfather!”……….“Great-great-grandfather, to be exact,” said Theo. “And I will only shoot you in the knee.”……….“I can’t believe you would do this. No, never mind. I can.”……….“I am your great-great-grandfather,” said Theo. “And you’re still pretty young. With your father dead and all those other generations gone, I’m the only father-figure you have, and as such, it is my right – no, it is my duty, to impart on you all the wisdom a father can bestow. Trust me, after several generations, I have improved. Do you know who you are? Of course not. That is why you need me, because I know who you are.”……….“What about Silver Bird? He was a mentor to my father, and his father.”……….“And your grandfather had even more angst than you when he was your age. However, as it happens, I know where Silver Bird is.”……….“You do?”……….“Yes, I do,” said Theo. “I’ve really been prepping you for guidance under him for quite some time. Since you’re officially taking things this far, I might as well take you to him. However, I must warn you, what you hear from him you will have to swallow. Come with me, then. I will take him to you, and in the meantime, there is something I want to show you.”……….So they walked around the building with the escort of Theo’s private security and found their way to a launching pad, with a small luxury ship. They got in, as they had many times before, drank their fine wine, and headed out into the stars.……….The location of Silver Bird was always a secret, of course. Theo and Neo kept their whereabouts hidden as well. It was the post-apocalyptic world they lived in, and the people trying to solve it were the ones most persecuted.……….Then, less than a day later, they encountered a meteor field. Neo opened up a hologram window to see what was outside. The ship stopped, and there was a wheel in outer space before him with transparent walls. When the ship docked, he stepped into its artificial gravity and looked at the stars under his feet.………. They walked up next to him. “See this field? This is what it left of Atlas, the home of our great race. You think you have no home? I have none, either. All that is left is the great, insensible tomb of Zero. I saw its destruction with my own eyes. I have no more sense of self to live for.”……….There were footsteps. “Theo,” said a man. Silver Bird. He walked up to them and, upon stopping, summed up Neo in once nod. “Why now? He’s not ready yet.”……….“What? But you’re wise.”……….“I’m not wise because I’m immortal but because I made mistakes. Theo’s made many. He just has less time to make up for them. Go home now.”……….And that was that. Theo put his arm around Neo and brought him back home. “I like this better than last time,” said father to son. - So that last line was referencing another flash-fiction write-off with Theo in it. That one was horrible. Also, I will reveal that at least one of these characters will be involved in an upcoming supersized epic that I will be releasing next year on my blog called The Adventures of Mary. You will read it because it will be awesome and fun. 24601
