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  1. Hello and welcome, Comedies forumgoers! Today I present to you a crossover between my Legend Trilogy of Bionicle comedies (links can be found in my library, which is linked in my sig below) and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I wrote this as a "what if" version of Equestria Girls. What if Twilight and Spike ended up in the Legendverse instead of the human world? How would they react to a universe that is basically a nonstop action movie without a fourth wall? In return, how would Mata Nui and his friends react to the sudden appearance of Twilight and Spike in their world? So I decided to sit my butt down and actually write the thing because the idea seemed too juicy to pass up. The result is this comedy, which I have graciously (or not-so-graciously, depending on your tastes) decided to share on BZP with y'all. Very kind of me, I know. Like most crossovers, this comedy is best appreciated by people familiar with the source material. In this case, if you are a fan of MLP:FiM and of my Legend Trilogy comedies, then you will have no trouble appreciating this fic. If you are not familiar with either, then you probably won't get many -- if any at all -- of the references in this story. On a final note, each chapter is headed by a quote from a random person. These quotes don't really have anything to do with the story. They're just there to make you laugh at their ridiculousness. Table of Contents: Chapter One: Why Ponies and Bionicles Should Never Mix (Unless it's Bingo Night) Chapter Two: In Which Twilight Learns More about the World (and why She, like You, should Fear it) Chapter Three: Spike's Adventure (It's like a Filler!) Chapter Four: Everybody hates Bucket-head (Yes, including You) Chapter Five: Stuff Happens (I think) Chapter Six: A new challenger approaches! (It's not Captain Falcon, sorry) Chapter Seven: Crazy Ponies are Funny Ponies (Meghan McCarthy, eat your heart out) Chapter Eight: My Name isn't Pinkie Pie, but Thanks for Asking! (The Plot Thickens. Like Maple Syrup. Yum.) Chapter Nine: Continuity Attacks! (AKA Confusing the new readers) Chapter Ten: The City of Action ([insert witty comment here]) Chapter Eleven: Ponynapped! (Puns for everyone!) Chapter Twelve: The Evil Plan Revealed (Attack on Exposition!) Chapter Thirteen: Apotheosis (and Other Big, Pretentious Words) Chapter Fourteen: Nothingness (Deep or Pretentious? You decide!) Chapter Fifteen: Friendship IS Magic! (It is Also Explosive) Epilogue (Party's over. Everyone can go home now) Now that I have sufficiently bored y'all with my rambling, let's get onto the comedy itself: Chapter One: Why Ponies and Bionicles Should Never Mix (Unless it's Bingo Night) “Crossovers suck. They're usually just a poor excuse for an author to have his favorite characters from different franchises meet. I'd never write one, not in a million years.” -TNTOS, circa 2010 Twilight Sparkle ran. She ran with all of her might, never looking back, never even slowing down. She ran through a field of tall grass, leaped over a huge, bottomless gorge with spikes jutting from the bottom, using her wings to help her glide safely to the other side. She didn't even think. There was no time to think when Spike was dead. How could things have gone so wrong so quickly? Twilight thought as she ran. We didn't mean any harm. We aren't evil invaders. Sure, I guess we look kind of out of place, but that doesn't mean we're bad. We're just different. If only I could have explained, then maybe Spike would still be alive. She would have happily explained this to the person who killed Spike, a yellow biped armed with some kind of slim mini-cannon. But after seeing how, well, crazy he was, Twilight thought it better and wiser to run. Better to run and remember Equestria, her home, where nothing as terrible as this ever happened. She closed her eyes, remembering the events leading up to this terrible catastrophe of a day, and wishing she had never mentioned Sunset Shimmer. . . . - Earlier that day in another universe. . . . The sound of Twilight's hooves clopping against the floor echoed off the high walls of the Crystal Castle as she and her friend, a baby dragon named Spike, walked through the castle's corridors. A large, thick old book, titled History of the Crystal Empire Volume 1, by Crystal Spire, floated by her side, thanks to her magic. “I can't believe I haven't read this book yet,” said Twilight. “I should really order a copy for myself so I don't have to keep coming back to the Crystal Empire just to get this one book.” Spike nodded his scaly head as he walked beside her. “But don't you have other books you want to read first? You're reading at least ten others right now, right?” “Eleven, actually,” said Twilight, glancing at the floating book. “But I can always make room in my schedule for one more book.” “If you say so,” Spike muttered. “I just don't see why you couldn't wait until Princess Celestia arrived before going down to the library.” “Well, we did get here a little early,” said Twilight. “So I thought I had enough time to zip down to the library, find this book, and take it out. And it looks like I was right, because Celestia doesn't seem to be here yet.” “Why'd you drag me along, though?” said Spike. “Not that I'm complaining or anything, but I'm not even carrying your book, so I don't see why I couldn't stay with your friends.” “Because I'm a Princess now,” Twilight explained as they turned a corner. “I need a bodyguard, so I brought you along to protect me.” “That seems kind of silly,” said Spike. “You're so much more powerful than me that I think I am the one who needs protecting.” Twilight chuckled. “Good one, Spike.” The two friends passed a couple of guards, who saluted her as she and Spike passed. Twilight merely nodded in their direction, although she didn't bother to stop and talk. After all, she had an important meeting to attend and she couldn't waste any time talking to random guards. Even if the guards in question were rather good-looking, Twilight reminded herself that she preferred girls anyway. The Crystal Castle's architecture still took away her breath every time she looked up at its high arches, open hallways, and shiny floors and ceiling. She glanced out a window as she and Spike walked up the stairs and saw the entirety of the Crystal Empire sprawled out before her. How this one city counted as an 'empire' by itself, Twilight wasn't quite sure, but seeing as her brother and his wife hadn't bothered to rename it when they took over, Twilight saw no reason to argue with the name, no matter how unfitting it seemed. Eventually, after walking up what seemed like an endless flight of stairs (causing her to wonder, for the hundredth time, whether King Sombra, the former ruler of the Crystal Empire, had had some kind of disturbing fascination with stairs), Twilight reached the big double doors of the throne room, which opened with a simple application of her magic. She and Spike entered the chamber, where a strange scene was playing out before their eyes. Pinkie Pie -- one of Twilight's friends, a rather hyperactive pink pony who sometimes seemed incapable of grasping the concept of personal space -- was hopping up and down, apologizing over and over again to Rarity, another friend of Twilight's. Twilight wasn't quite sure what Pinkie was apologizing for until she noticed Rarity's mane, which was normally a fabulous purple but was now a solid neon pink, similar in color to Pinkie's fur, in fact. Rarity was moaning about how this pink completely ruined her mane and how it was going to take weeks for her to get it out. In addition, Twilight noticed Applejack, another friend, stuck to the ceiling with what looked like pink spider's web. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy -- her two pegasus friends -- were trying their hardest to get AJ down. Or rather, Rainbow Dash was, as Fluttershy had somehow gotten her wings stuck in the pink goo, too, and was hanging helplessly off the ceiling like a fly caught in ointment. In the middle of all this was Princess Mi Amore Cadenza -- or, as she preferred to be called, Cadance -- and her husband, Prince Shining Armor, who was also Twilight's older brother. As soon as they spotted Twilight and Spike, they immediately walked over to them. “Twily!” said Shining Armor, giving her an affectionate noogie. “Glad to see you're back. As you can see, your friend Pinkie Pie got a bit bored waiting for you.” “What happened?” said Twilight, glancing between the capture Applejack and the distressed Rarity. “Did one of Pinkie's pranks go wrong again?” “Yeah,” said Cadance, nodding. “Shining and I weren't here to see it happen. All we know is that it involves Pinkie's party cannon, a huge wad of gum, and the Crystal Heart.” Twilight looked around the throne room in confusion. “But I don't see the Crystal Heart anywhere. Isn't it safe in the royal treasury?” “Well, they said the Crystal Heart had something to do with it,” said Cadance with a shrug. “At least, we think so. They've been so busy trying to fix the situation that they really haven't given us a coherent story.” Before Twilight could respond to that, Pinkie Pie popped out of nowhere and said, “Hi, Twilight! Whatcha doing?” and gave her alicorn friend a big hug before letting go. Puzzled, Twilight looked over and saw Rarity approaching, still looking put-off by her pink mane but otherwise not whining anymore. “Hi, Rarity,” said Twilight. “I see your mane is, um. . . .” “RUINED!” Rarity cried. “It's absolutely terrible and it's all Pinkie's fault!” “I said I was sorry,” said Pinkie, hopping up and down. “The Crystal Heart told me you'd like it better that way.” “Did the 'Crystal Heart' also tell you that pink is one of my least favorite hair colors in the world?” Rarity asked, annoyed. “No offense, Pinkie. It just doesn't usually look as good on me as it does on you.” Pinkie stopped bouncing and appeared to float in midair for a moment, as if seriously considering Rarity's question. “Hmm, Crystie didn't say anything about if it was your favorite color or not. I should ask her.” “Wait, 'Crystie'?” Shining Armor inquired. “Who's Crystie?” “The Crystal Heart, of course!” said Pinkie, looking at Shining as if he was a bit slow. “Who else?” “Of course,” said Shining sardonically. “How could I forget about Crystie?” “Yeah, how could you?” said Pinkie in a scathing voice . . . or as scathing a voice as the near-perpetually happy Pinkie Pie could muster, anyway. “And people say you're the Prince of the Crystal Empire. Well, I'm not buying it, not one bit.” “But he is the Prince of the Crystal Empire,” said Spike, looking confused. “Isn't he?” “I don't know, Spike,” said Pinkie as she resumed her hopping. “I think . . . gasp! He must be a spy!” “A spy?” Shining repeated. “I'm not a spy.” “You're right!” said Pinkie, slapping her forehead. “How could I be so stupid? You must be a changeling!” “Pinkie, I think I'd know if my husband was a changeling or not,” said Cadance in annoyance. “He's just Shining Armor.” “That's what you said when that ugly queen bug lady pretended to be you,” Pinkie pointed out. “And we all know how that turned out, don't we?” Before this conversation could take a turn for the worse, Twilight said to Rarity, “Do you want to help me get Applejack and Fluttershy down from the ceiling? Looks like Rainbow Dash is having a bit of trouble there.” Though Rarity at first looked like she was going to say no (she had her mane to moan about, after all), one look at Shining, Cadance, Pinkie, and Spike -- who were now all arguing about whether Shining was a changeling in disguise or not -- caused her to follow Twilight to the left side of the room. They stopped just beneath AJ and Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash had a crowbar, which she was using to attempt to pry Applejack off the ceiling. “Need any help?” Twilight asked. “No, I got this,” said Rainbow, pushing down hard on the crowbar. “It's . . . just . . . some . . . stupid . . . gum!” “We could use a little help,” said Fluttershy, her voice so low that Twilight almost didn't hear her. “If, um, that's not a problem.” “I agree with Fluttershy,” said Applejack, nodding as much as she could in her current position. “Rainbow, I appreciate the effort, but sometimes brute strength really don't cut it.” “Says the pony who uses brute strength to buck apple trees,” said Rainbow, still struggling with the crowbar. “Besides, I never give up. I wouldn't be the coolest pony in Equestria if I gave up trying to save my friends, would I?” “Can't we help a little?” Twilight asked. “Our magic might make it easier to pry them off.” “No . . .” Rainbow said through clenched teeth. “I . . . got . . . this!” Without warning, the gum snapped and both Applejack and Fluttershy fell from the ceiling like rocks, while Rainbow Dash spiraled out of control from the effort she had put into freeing them. The two ponies, still covered with gum, collided with Twilight and Rarity, creating a confused tumble of limbs and manes and wings that ended with all four of them lying in a heap on the floor. Due to the thick gum, it was nearly impossible for any of them to move independently. “Oh Celestia!” said Rarity, feeling her coat with her only free hoof. “Now I've got gum all over my coat! This is the worst. Possible. Thing!” “I'm so sorry, Rarity,” said Fluttershy. “We didn't mean to get gum all over your coat, right, Applejack?” “Right, Fluttershy,” said Applejack, nodding as much as she could in her position atop Twilight's back. “If ya should be blaming anyone, it's Rainbow Dash. Or maybe Pinkie Pie. She's the one that got us caught in this darn mess in the first place.” Twilight groaned underneath Applejack's weight. “How's about we put off blaming each other until we get out of this mess? Rarity, we're gonna have to use our magic to get out of this one. Are you thinking of the spell I'm thinking of?” “Twilight, this isn't the time for ribbons, no matter how fabulous they may be!” “. . . I was actually thinking of the Clean and Sheen Spell,” said Twilight. “Oh! But of course,” said Rarity, somewhat sheepishly. “I, too, was thinking of the Clean and Sheen Spell. I was just . . . testing you! Yes, I always test you, don't I, Twilight?” Yes, you do, Twilight thought, but said aloud, “All right, Rarity, on three, we'll both use our magic. One . . . two . . . three!” Both of their horns glowed in unison and a bright light engulfed the four ponies, causing Fluttershy to emit a small yelp, even though it wasn't painful. When the light faded, the gum was completely gone and all four of the ponies were free. (In addition, Rarity's mane was no longer pink but it's original purple.) “Thanks, Twilight, Rarity,” said Applejack as she got to her hooves and shook her mane. “That's mighty kind of y'all to help us like that.” “Yes, thanks,” said Fluttershy with a subdued smile. Then Rainbow Dash flew out of nowhere and landed beside them, looking quite pleased with herself. “Well, that's just another job well done, thanks to your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash!” “Where were you?” Rarity asked. “You didn't get the gum off them.” “I was listening to Pinkie arguing with Shining over there,” said Rainbow, nodding toward the entrance. “Do you guys think Shining's really a changeling? I don't think so, but Pinkie does have some good arguments.” “Oh, no,” said Twilight, grimacing. “Come on. Let's stop Pinkie before she gets too carried away.” It took them at least five minutes to convince Pinkie that Shining was not, in fact, a changeling. They had to force Shining to sing along with one of Pinkie's songs before she was finally convinced, as no changeling had ever sang with Pinkie and in fact the only time one did . . . well, that was a rather bizarre tale for another day. After getting that figured out, Twilight, Spike, and her friends sat around the throne, upon which Cadance and Shining Armor sat. Twilight sat at the foot of throne, with Spike by her side, looking at the rulers of the Crystal Empire. “So glad we can get this over with,” said Twilight with a sigh. “So, what's this meeting all about? Is there another changeling attack? Or maybe it's manticores this time? Or does the Empire have yet another evil deposed king we don't know about?” “Actually,” said Shining, glancing out a nearby window, “before we can talk about it, we're still waiting for Princess-” A boom and a flash of light startled all nine of the assembled ponies (well, technically eight, because Spike is a dragon and all). Fluttershy in particular shrieked and fell over onto her back like a startled goat, while Pinkie had somehow jumped high enough to hit her head against the ceiling. When Twilight looked around, she saw a new pony had appeared in the room. She was taller than the rest of them, wearing a beautiful white coat and a perpetually flowing mane of many colors. Her unicorn horn was longer than that of many unicorns and her wings, when she stretched them, looked big enough to wrap around two foals each. In spite of her imposing size and appearance, the new arrival didn't scare any of them. Even Fluttershy, when she saw who it was, relaxed. “Princess Celestia!” said Twilight, running over to her mentor. “Oh, I'm so excited to see you! How have you been?” “I have been well, Twilight,” said Celestia with a motherly smile. “I'm glad to see you and your friends have all assembled here. I assume Cadance and Shining Armor have already told you about the situation?” “Nope!” said Pinkie, who appeared out of thin air next to Twilight. “Crystie did, though. She saw that your crown had been stolen by someone named Sunset Shimmer and that she'd taken it through a dimensional portal straight out of Equestria to another universe entirely! But you know that already, right, Twilight?” Twilight blinked. “No. I actually didn't know about any of that. At all.” “Well, now you do,” said Pinkie cheerfully. “And knowing is half the battle!” Then she leaned in closer to Celestia and whispered, “Hey, Princess, between you and me, I'd keep an eye on Shining Armor over there.” Celestia raised an eyebrow after glancing at Shining. “Why?” “Because Crystie say he's a changeling,” Pinkie whispered conspiratorially. “Everyone else doesn't think so, though, and maybe they have a point, but I dunno. Better to be safe than sorry, right?” Now Celestia just looked confused, but before she could ask what the heck Pinkie was talking about, Twilight's horn glowed and Pinkie disappeared. The pink pony reappeared back with the others. “That's just Pinkie,” said Twilight with a nervous laugh, “just being . . . Pinkie.” “Right,” said Celestia, still confused. “Well, she got the basics right. A former student of mine, Sunset Shimmer, stole your crown and escaped with it out of Equestria.” “But how can that be possible?” Twilight said. She gestured at the crown on her head. “I'm wearing it right now and I haven't seen anypony try to steal it off me.” “That's because the one you're wearing is a fake,” said Celestia. “Made entirely out of chocolate, in fact. Look.” Celestia's horn glowed and a bit of the crown broke off. It floated in front of Twilight's shocked eyes for a moment before flying into Celestia's open mouth. “Tasty,” said Celestia as she licked her lips. “But . . . I don't understand,” said Twilight, levitating her apparently chocolate crown off her head to look at it more closely. “You gave me and my friends the Elements of Harmony back when you asked us to reform Discord. I've only removed them from their secret place once since that day.” “I am as at a loss for explanation as you are, Twilight,” said Celestia. “I only became aware of the switch and theft when Sunset broke into Canterlot Castle and escaped into another universe.” “Another universe?” Twilight said. “I didn't know there were others. I thought they were just theoretical.” “They're as real as this one,” said Celestia. “The only known bridge between our universe and the other is a magical mirror, one I have normally kept in the treasury to prevent evil beings from using it. I can only speculate as to how Sunset bypassed security and used it.” “Do you want me to go after her, Princess?” Twilight asked. “Yes,” said Celestia. “Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to chase Sunset Shimmer through the magical mirror and retrieve the crown. Do you accept?" “I do,” said Twilight. “But where does that mirror lead?” “For once, I don't know,” said Celestia with a shrug. “It's an old, old mirror, possibly even older than Discord. I've never used it because I've never had to use it. It's been collecting dust in the Canterlot Castle treasury even before Luna and I came to power.” That sounded ominous to Twilight, but she didn't show those feelings. “Can I bring my friends with me? I'm going to need all the help I can get if I'm going to a dangerous new world nopony has ever been to before.” “I'm sorry, Twilight, but you will have to do this on your own,” said Celestia. “It's a risky mission and I can't risk losing all six of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony in one go.” “But they're my friends,” said Twilight. “They've been with me through all kinds of dangerous adventures. As a matter of fact, we wouldn't even be friends if you hadn't me sent to Ponyville in the first place.” “I know,” said Celestia. “But I do not want the inhabitants of that other universe knowing about us. Six danger-prone ponies traveling together would surely attract attention, and not the good kind, either.” “But what if the inhabitants in that universe are good?” said Twilight. “It's still too dangerous,” Celestia insisted. “Consider, Twilight, that you may not even be able to communicate with the inhabitants of that world. And even if you can, there is a good chance you or your friends may accidentally offend them and thus jeopardize your lives or the mission. Do you understand?” Twilight glanced over her shoulder at her friends, racking her brain for an argument good enough to persuade Celestia, but nothing came to mind. The Princess had a point. So she said, “Okay, I understand. Can I at least bring Spike with me? I'll make sure to keep him from causing too much trouble.” “Spike is fine,” said Celestia. “He may attract less attention than the others.” “Good,” said Twilight. “So where is this magical mirror, anyway?” “Right here,” said Celestia as her horn glowed. A moment later, the magical mirror appeared right in front of Twilight. She looked up at the tall mirror, which at first looked like a normal mirror until she noticed the way the surface flowed like water in a river. She had never seen a dimensional portal before and was eager to touch it before she remembered that the others needed to be informed about her mission first. Then Celestia called over everypony else and explained to them what Twilight's mission was. Rainbow Dash, predictably, argued that all five of them should go with Twilight and Spike, as they were friends and friends stuck with each other wherever they went. Twilight appreciated the effort, however, even though Celestia shot down the argument almost immediately with the same counterargument from before. While Spike seemed bummed that Rarity wasn't going with them, he was nonetheless excited. He even started wondering when they should pack when Celestia announced that he and Twilight would be leaving immediately for the new world. “Leaving immediately?” Twilight repeated in shock. “But Princess, we aren't prepared. What about food? Water? Medicine? You know, things we probably won't be able to easily get in the new world?” “You think I didn't plan this out?” Celestia said. “I had my guards prepare a special traveling bag for you that contains everything you will need and then some. Here they come now, in fact.” Two guards entered the room carrying a small traveling bag. They ran up to Twilight, secured it around her body, bowed respectfully, and then left the room before Twilight could even thank them. The bag didn't feel too heavy around her body, but a quick glimpse under the flap told her that it was well-stocked with basic traveling provisions. “I have no idea how long you're going to be over there,” said Celestia. “You might spend days, weeks, months, or even years in that other world. My only hope is that the magic of friendship will lead you to finding friends in that world who will show you the way.” “I know it will,” said Twilight. “Well, bye, everypony. Spike and I will be back as soon as we can.” “Can we throw a party when you get back?” Pinkie asked. “I'll call it the 'Welcome-Back-From-Another-Dimension-Twilight-And-Spike' party!” “Sure, Pinkie,” said Twilight, somewhat amused. “Now let's go, Spike. We've got a crown to retrieve.” After saying their farewells to everypony, Twilight and Spike stepped in front of the mirror. Having no idea what dimension-hopping was going to feel like (how could she, when she hadn't read a book about it yet?), Twilight had Spike hold tightly onto one of her wings so they wouldn't be separated during the journey. She felt extremely nervous about stepping through this portal into a new world, but she had experienced worse in the past. She just had to have confidence and remember her friends, who would undoubtedly send their support even when she and Spike were long gone. And so they stepped through the portal and emerged onto what appeared to be a long, flat plain in the middle of nowhere. Twilight blinked. “Wow . . . that was abrupt.” “Yeah,” said Spike, nodding as he looked around. “I thought we were going to see weird colors and stuff. But it's like we just walked outside.” Twilight looked down at her body. It still looked the same. “Do you feel any different, Spike? Any different at all?” “No,” said Spike, shaking his head. “I feel like I always have. Why do you ask?” “I . . . I don't know,” said Twilight with a shrug. “I just had this weird urge, like I'm supposed to point out things we normally take for granted. It's weird.” “Weird?” Spike repeated. “You're a talking, magical, candy-colored pony. What's so normal about you?” Twilight looked at Spike in shock. “Spike, why would you say that?” “I didn't mean it!” said Spike, his hands covering his mouth. “It just . . . came out of nowhere. Like a ghost was possessing me or something. I can't explain it.” “Maybe there's some strange power in this universe that affects our judgment,” said Twilight, looking around the area cautiously. “We'll have to be careful.” “Maybe,” said Spike, scratching his chin. “Or maybe . . . maybe we're both really changelings in disguise!” “You've been listening to Pinkie too much.” “I'm just saying that we both have been acting a bit strange,” Spike said. “But if we're both changelings, would we know? How do we know for certain whether we are or aren't? I just want to be me!” “Spike, calm down,” said Twilight, patting him reassuringly on the back with one of her wings. “Neither of us are changelings. We're both us.” “If you say so, Twilight,” said Spike. “Hey . . . what's that sound?” Twilight listened hard for a moment. At first, she heard nothing but the wind, until she realized it wasn't the wind at all. In fact, it sounded like the growl of a full-grown dragon, but that was weird because as far as Twilight could see, there were no dragons in the area save for Spike and he certainly wasn't big enough to make that kind of noise yet. “I don't know,” said Twilight, tilting her head to the side. “Maybe it's a-” She was cut off rather rudely when out of nowhere a weird two-wheeled vehicle fell out of the sky and landed on Spike. It didn't just land on him, though. It crashed on him, like a meteor, and created a giant explosion sent Twilight flying. She crashed several feet away, rolling over and over until she crashed into a boulder that had apparently appeared out of nowhere. Dazed, Twilight shook her head, looked up, and gasped. “Spike!” The baby dragon was trapped underneath the vehicle and wasn't moving at all. Twilight's heart raced at the thought of his death, but that wasn't the worst of it. The worst of it was the two beings riding the vehicle, two beings she had never seen before yet had an ominous feeling about just the same. For one, they weren't ponies. They were bipedal, with two arms and two legs, just like poor Spike, in fact. One of them was clad in yellow armor and had some kind of strange mini cannon attached to his back, while the other was blue and carried a trident in her hands. Both appeared to be biomechanical. They looked unlike anything Twilight had ever seen in Equestria. None of her books had talked about creatures like these, and Twilight should know, as she had read nearly every book in the Canterlot and Ponyville libraries at least three times. The yellow being scratched his head. “Man, that was a crazy fall. I almost cried like a little kid. Almost.” “Jumping off the moon was great,” said the blue one. “We should do it again sometime. It was romantic.” “Yeah, we should,” said the yellow being in agreement. “Actually, I think we should go to the sun instead. It's as hot as you are, which is to say that you are ten million degrees hot.” “I'm not that hot,” said the blue being, blushing. “You're such a flirt.” While the two beings kept flirting with each other, Twilight struggled to her hooves. That explosion had taken more out of her than she'd like to admit; however, she felt her strength recovering fairly rapidly. Another strange occurrence; back home, surely such a blow would have required constant bed rest for at least a few days. Here, though, she could already feel the pain fading. And that, to say the least, was disturbing, because it left her with a lot of unanswered questions. And if there was one thing that Twilight hated, it was unanswered questions. Not that those questions mattered at the moment, however, when Spike was in danger. Her rational side told her plainly to observe the newcomers a little longer and then act from there. But the sight of Spike crushed underneath that machine, badly injured and hurt, and the two beings apparently not giving a flying feather about his condition, made her too angry to listen to her rational side. She fired a magical energy bolt at the two beings. The yellow one apparently noticed the energy bolt coming, because he backhanded it without even looking at it. The backhanded bolt flew into the sky and struck a nearby cloud, shattering the cloud into pieces as though it were made of glass. And the worst part of that? Twilight had not cast a shattering spell. Which meant she was dealing with very, very powerful magicians here if they could alter her spell simply by hitting it. And suddenly she understood how Fluttershy felt whenever she met ponies who were stronger than her. But she couldn't run. She had to get their attention somehow. So she decided to do the obvious: Call them out. “Hey, you two!” Twilight yelled, flapping her wings rapidly to increase the noise. “Get off my friend!” The two biomechs stopped flirting immediately and looked at Twilight in curiosity. Somehow, their nonchalance at her appearance scared Twilight more than if they had been angry or scared. “Hey, Kiina, look,” said the yellow one, pointing at Twilight. “A magical, candy-colored pony with a horn and wings. It can even talk.” “And?” said the blue one, apparently named Kiina. “Considering all the weird stuff we see on a daily basis, this pony is positively normal.” “Eh, true,” said the yellow one, stroking his chin. “Especially that zombie robot break-dancing weasel. I still have no idea where it came from.” Twilight didn't know what they were talking about, so she said, “I don't care if I'm 'normal' or not. I just want you guys to get off my friend, Spike. You're crushing him.” “Oh, isn't that cute?” said the yellow one with a condescending laugh. “It's asking us to move.” “Wait a minute, Mata Nui,” said Kiina, peering closely at Twilight. “This pony looks like that other pony, the one that banished us to the moon with that weird crown.” “Oh, you mean that one with the weird mane?” said the yellow one whose name was Mata Nui. “Now that you mention it, the two do look awfully similar. Maybe they're friends.” “Are you talking Sunset Shimmer?” Twilight said. “Because I know who she is, if that's who you're talking about.” That was probably the dumbest thing Twilight had said so far, because Mata Nui ripped his mini-cannon off his back and growled, “Darn stupid pony! You're going down!” While Twilight was no coward, her rational mind told her that she really didn't stand a chance against beings who could redirect and reform spells that they didn't cast. There was also the fact that these two apparently survived a direct fall from the moon, so. . . . “Hey, I think I see Princess Celestia over there!” said Twilight, pointing over their heads. “And is that Princess Luna, too?” “Princesses?” said Mata Nui, looking in the direction Twilight had pointed. “Where?” Taking advantage of their distraction, Twilight turned and ran as fast as her hooves would carry her across the field. She heard the roaring of the machine's engine behind her, forcing her to run even faster. Her heart broke at the thought of those two beings having Spike's body, but for now there was nothing she could do to help him without getting killed herself. - A few hours later. . . . Somehow, perhaps through luck, Twilight managed to lose her pursuers. By now, her legs were so weak that they felt ready to give out underneath her any moment, so she had to find some place to lay for a while. Especially with the sun setting, which puzzled her as it had felt like morning just a couple of hours ago. Did time move differently in this universe? Or had more time passed than she had noticed? Twilight came across a gathering of boulders. Carefully looking around the area, Twilight saw no other living beings nearby. She took a deep breath and flew into the crevice between the boulders. This seemed like a safe place to spend the night. Tomorrow morning she would think about her next move. For now, she had to rest. Twilight sighed as she rested her head on her front hooves. “If I had only been stronger, faster . . . then maybe Spike. . . .” Her voice trailed off, as she didn't know idea what she could have done to save Spike back there. How could she have known to lookout for falling machines? Even if she did, how could she have known they would run into one almost the second they stepped into this new world? There was nothing she could do about Spike, which just made her feel worse. At least she was safe here. She would close her eyes and rest until morning. That's what she really needed after all of this madness; just some nice, quiet, peaceful rest in a secure place, where nopony knew where she was save for herself. . . . Something firmly seized her by the horn, causing Twilight to cast a heat spell involuntarily. She heard a loud grunt of pain, but the thing still lifted her up out of the crevice. And then she found herself face-to-face with Mata Nui, who wore an expression of pure anger and hate. She thought about flailing her limbs, kicking him with her hooves or flapping her wings in his face. She thought about wriggling her body about, slipping out of his grasp. She even considered casting a more powerful spell than the last. But somehow, she doubted any of that would save her from this maniac, because his blue eyes clearly reflected his murderous intent. “Before you kill me,” said Twilight, in a resigned voice, “can I take a moment to remember my friends?” Mata Nui's expression didn't change at all. “Why do you think I'm going to kill you?” Twilight would have cocked her head to the side, but seeing as Mata Nui still held her by the horn, she only managed to shake her body awkwardly. “Well, you did say 'you're going down' back there while waving your mini-cannon around, so-” “It's not a mini-cannon,” said Mata Nui. “It's the 40k Mighty Grandma Assault rifle. Learn the difference, pony.” “Yes, sir,” said Twilight, shrinking back in fear. “I'm good at learning.” “Mata Nui?” said a voice below, a high-pitched male voice that Twilight recognized immediately. “Did you find her?” “Yeah, I found her,” said Mata Nui, without looking over his shoulder. “Found the pony, all right. She was hiding in these boulders all along, just as my magical detection senses told me.” “Mata Nui, you don't have 'magical' detection senses,” said a female voice, this one belonging to Kiina. “It was just a lucky guess on your part.” “No, it's magic,” Mata Nui snapped. “Right, pony?” But Twilight was too distracted by the first voice to pay attention to Mata Nui's question. It couldn't be. He was dead. She had seen the machine land on him. And even if he wasn't, what was he doing hanging out with these two freaks? They weren't his friends, after all. It was illogical. And yet. . . . “Spike?” said Twilight uncertainly. “Twilight?” the voice said. “It's me, Spike. I'm down here with Kiina.” Twilight broke into a huge grin. “Spike! I can't believe you're alive! I thought these two weir- er . . .” upon seeing Mata Nui's unchanging expression, “. . . these two guys had killed you!” “Nah, they're cool,” said Spike. “It's just a big misunderstanding. Come on down and I'll explain it to you.” “All right,” said Twilight. She looked at Mata Nui and said, “Um, Mr. Yellow Guy with the Rifle, will you please let me down?” “Okay,” said Mata Nui.He extended his arm over the side of the boulder and unceremoniously dropped her. Twilight tried to use her wings to soften the fall, but as they weren't high enough above the ground for that, she ended up landing hard on her rump. “Ouch,” said Twilight, rubbing her flank. “That was rude.” Mata Nui jumped down beside her, his expression still one of hate, and said, “Oops. I'm sorry.” Twilight rolled her eyes, but before she could respond, Spike tackled her with a big hug. Twilight wrapped her forelegs around Spike and said, “Oh, Spike! I thought for sure you were dead!” “Me, too,” said Spike, looking up at her. “It was really scary, being stuck under that motorcycle like that.” “Motor-what?” “Motorcycle,” Spike repeated. “That's what they call that vehicle they ride on.” “Okay,” said Twilight. “Well, how did you survive? That crash looked pretty brutal.” “I don't know,” said Spike with a shrug. “I really thought I was going to die, but when I opened my eyes, not a single scale on my body was scratched or broken. In fact, I'd say I feel even stronger than ever. Watch.” Spike pushed himself out of Twilight's embrace and walked over to the nearby boulders. He took a deep breath and then unleashed a gigantic magical green flame that engulfed all of the boulders. When the fire passed, all that was left of the boulders was a singled blackened spot on the earth. “Amazing,” said Twilight. “I've never seen you use such powerful fire before, Spike.” “I know!” said Spike, nodding eagerly. “By the way, I don't think you've formerly met Mata Nui and Kiina yet.” He gestured at the two biomechanical beings, who stood near the motorcycle that Spike had been crushed underneath. While Kiina looked friendlier than before, Mata Nui still didn't look happy. In fact, he looked so angry that a fly that had been buzzing around nearby spontaneously burst into flames and fell to the ground like a downed pegasus. “Um,” said Twilight. “Thanks for . . . um. . . .” “They saved me,” said Spike, walking up to Twilight. “When they found me underneath their motorcycle, they got me out. I told them you aren't a bad guy, so they agreed to help me find you. They're good guys, Twilight, even though they're kind of weird.” “Then why does Mata Nui look so, er, angry?” Twilight asked. “And how come he was so sarcastic back there?” “I'm not angry,” said Mata Nui, his expression completely contradicting his face. “Nor do I hate you, if that's what you think.” “He's telling the truth,” said Kiina. “His expression is stuck again. Let me see if I can fix that.” Abruptly, Kiina reared back and punched Mata Nui in the face. The blow sent him flying until he crashed into the ground, creating a deep trench in the earth that sent huge clumps of dirt flying, which Twilight and Spike just barely managed to dodge. “Hey!” said Twilight in shock. “Why'd you hit your friend like that?” “He's going to be fine,” said Kiina, shaking her thing (her hoof? Twilight wasn't sure what it was called) as she lowered it. “He's been hit with worse.” A minute later, Mata Nui burst from the ground at their feet, covering Twilight and Spike in dirt. He landed on the ground so hard he created a small tremor that knocked Twilight and Spike off their feet. And when he rose to his full height, he wore a rather sickeningly sweet expression, with the biggest, brightest smile, and shining eyes that made Twilight want to barf rainbows. “Hi, everybody!” said Mata Nui, waving at them all happily. “Isn't everything so kawaii? Let's go skip through fields of flowers and play games with Mister Sunshine!” Mata Nui gestured at the sun, which had appeared out of nowhere. The sun was smiling and giggling like a little kid. The mere fact that the sun had an expression at all made Twilight's brain twist itself into knots trying to explain it logically, which it utterly failed to do. “Oops,” said Kiina, as though this was a regular occurrence. “Hit him too hard. Let's try again.” Kiina bonked him on the head with her trident. Then Mata Nui's expression returned to normal and he shook his head and said, “Whoa, what happened?” “Mister Sunshine happened,” said Kiina, pointing up at the bizarre sun. “Oh, he did, did he?” said Mata Nui, punching one of his hooves (maybe? Twilight didn't know else to call those appendages on the ends of their arms) into the other. “Hang on a minute.” Mata Nui reached into the sky and plucked 'Mister Sunshine' from among the clouds like it was an apple. Then he drop-kicked it so hard it went flying out of the atmosphere. Mister Sunshine screamed in despair as it flew out of the planet and struck the moon, causing Mister Sunshine to explode and the moon itself to split in two, a stream of lava connecting the two halves together like a thin rope. “There we go,” said Mata Nui.Twilight and Spike just watched the proceedings with twitching eyes. “Spike,” said Twilight, without looking at him, “do you think maybe Celestia's magic mirror broke and sent us deep into Pinkie's subconscious?” “No,” said Spike, shaking his head. “I think we're in Discord's subconscious.” “Did someone say Subway?” Mata Nui asked. “Because if so, we should really go there 'cause I'm really hungry.” Twilight shook her head. “Look, thanks for not really killing Spike and all, but we really gotta go. We have an important mission to complete, so we can't stick around and chat.” “Wait, did you say . . . mission?” Mata Nui repeated. “Like, an adventure?” Twilight cocked her head. “Well, I guess it might be an adventure, but-” “Then count me in,” said Mata Nui, gesturing at himself with his fifth claw (that was what Twilight assumed the little digits on his hoof-like appendage was, even though it was more rounded than Spike's claws). “It's been a long time since I went on an adventure. Even though I don't like frilly girly ponies-” “Mata Nui,” Kiina said, looking at him seriously, “what did we say about using that kind of language?” “Um,” said Mata Nui, scratching the top of his head. “Don't talk that way in front of you?” “Exactly,” said Kiina. “It's all about being secret.” “That doesn't seem like the recipe for a healthy relationship to me,” Twilight said. “It's worked for us,” said Mata Nui. “What do you know? I bet you haven't even had one boyfriend. Nerd.” Before Twilight could correct Mata Nui, Spike said, “Why do you two want to come along? It's not like our mission has anything to do with you two.” “That's where you're wrong,” said Kiina. “Your pony friend-” “Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight corrected. “That's my name.” “Yeah, sure, whatever,” said Kiina. “Anyway, your rude pony friend mentioned someone named Sunset Shimmer. We know a pony like that.” “You do?” said Twilight. “Where did you see her?” Mata Nui looked around in confusion. “Well, we were in Atero, but then she banished us to the moon and we had to jump off. Now I don't even know where we are.” “A-tear-oh?” Twilight repeated. “What's that?” “An awesome city,” Mata Nui replied. “It's like all those cities you see in action movies. There's always terrorists, aliens, foreigners, zombies, ninjas, or some combination of those things attacking the city at any time of day. You should really go sometime. It's got great hotels.” “Let's get back on topic,” said Kiina. “So anyway, Mata Nui and I were just cruising around Atero, fighting terrorist alien zombie foreigner ninjas and whatnot, when we ran into Sunset. She declared that she was going to rule the world, so naturally we tried to stop her. Then she used her freaky horn to banish us to the moon, as we've already said a billion times.” “So you guys want to tag along with us because you want revenge?” said Twilight. “Is that a logical deduction?” “Logical deduction?” Mata Nui repeated. “What is that? Some kind of pony slang?” “No, it's basic English,” said Twilight. Mata Nui laughed. “How cute. She thinks she can speak basic English.” Twilight felt a powerful urge to throttle Mata Nui, but she restrained it as Kiina said, “Spot on, kiddo. We want to teach Sunset a lesson. Right, Mata Nui?” “Of course,” said Mata Nui. “No one banishes Mata Nui to the moon and gets away with it with their life in any meaningful condition.” “And we're trying to get something back from her that she stole from us,” said Twilight. “I guess we have pretty similar objectives, so. . . .” She felt a tug of her wings and, looking down, saw that it was Spike. “Um, Twilight? Can I speak to you in private for a sec?” “Sure,” said Twilight, bending down low enough that neither Mata Nui nor Kiina could hear her if she talked. “What's up?” “Those two,” said Spike, not-so-subtly gesturing toward them. “I mean, they're really cool, but they seem really violent and scary.” “Why do you think I want them on our side?” Twilight whispered back. “They might buck us to the moon if we reject them. Better to be safe than sorry, as Celestia always says.” “But didn't Celestia also say that you weren't supposed to interact with the inhabitants of this dimension?” Spike asked. “Traveling with these two would break that rule into pieces.” Twilight bit her lower lip. “Well, I don't think it was an ironclad rule. I mean, the rules sometimes need to be changed, you know? It's too late to be worrying about breaking that rule, anyway, as Mata Nui and Kiina already know about us. We'll just have to be a bit more careful from now on. I'm sure Celestia will understand.” “If you say so,” Spike muttered. Then Twilight sat up and looked at Mata Nui and Kiina. “Well, you guys said Sunset was in Atero, right? In what direction does that city lie?” Mata Nui stepped forward and said, “I'll lead the way. My infallible sense of direction will take us back there.” “Infallible sense of direction?” Twilight repeated. “Is that magic, just like everything else you've done so far?” “You think that's magic?” Mata Nui said with a laugh. “Pony, please. Punting the sun into the moon is all me, baby. You've got a lot to learn.” With that, Mata Nui went walking off in a random direction, with Kiina following behind. Twilight and Spike exchanged a look that said, Yeah, we're screwed, before they ran after their two new allies. -TNTOS-
  2. Hello and welcome, comedy forumgoers and readers! Some of you may have remembered me posting a crazy little story back on the old forums called BIONICLE: The Legend Reloaded. It was essentially a parody of the movie BIONICLE: The Legend Reborn and inadvertently ended up starting a trilogy of Bionicle parodies, with The Legend Exploded and The Legend Imploded following not long after. Unfortunately, now that the Archives have been taken down, TLR was lost and the link to it in my library lead nowhere. Thankfully, I have the entire story saved onto an external device. Since TLE and TLI are both still on BZP, I have reposted the entirety of TLR here so the entire Legend Trilogy can be read. This is merely a repost. It is not a rewrite. It is the same story as the one from the Archives. While it could undoubtedly be better, I do not have an interest in making any major changes to the story itself right now. I may edit minor typos or grammatical mistakes, however, but I imagine that will be the most I do in terms of editing or rewriting. Table of Contents: Chapter 1: Mata Nui's Not Bothering Anymore Chapter 2: The Crew is Rounded Up Chapter 3: An Ambush of Awesome Chapter 4: Ackar versus Strakk Chapter 5: Beware my Stinger Tail! Chapter 6: The Plot Finally Advances Chapter 7: More Unnecessary Interruptions Chapter 8: The Assault Chapter 9: It's a Trap! Chapter 10: Deus ex Machina Chapter 11: Prelude to Battle Chapter 12: The Battles Rages on, all on Saturday Chapter 13: More Epic Fighting Chapter 14: What Should Be the Ending But Isn't Chapter 15: A Battle So Epic Even a God Must Join In Chapter 16: And the Battle is over . . . Right? Chapter 17: Is the Battle over Now? Chapter 18: What Happens Next? Chapter 19: Why Yes, We CAN Stretch out This Comedy until You Get Tired of it Chapter 20: We can Stretch this Comedy like Rubber, you know Chapter 21: I Wanted to Stretch this Fight as Long as Possible so I Decided to Continue it into the Next Chapter Chapter 22: Why yes, that was an abrupt ending last chapter, wasnt it? Chapter 23: Well end this when we feel like it, dude Chapter 24: Yes, We Know You Want To See This Done and Over With, But We Can Still Stretch It Chapter 25: How Many More Meaningless Subplots Can I Throw In Before I Lose All of My Readers? Chapter 26: How Many Readers Do I Have Left Now? Maybe Three? Two And A Half If I Am Lucky? Chapter 27: In Which the Main Plot Is Revisited (Maybe) Chapter 28: In Which the Plot Really Is Revisited (Maybe) Chapter 29: In Which Bears Make Their Long-Delayed Appearance Chapter 30: No Bears Were Harmed In the Making of This Chapter Chapter 31: The Plot Appears To Be Finally Getting Somewhere Chapter 32: Sieges Are Never Awesome Unless You Use Trains Chapter 33: Anticlimactic Climax is Anticlimactic Chapter 34: I think Were done Now. No stupid Cliffhangers That the Author can Take Advantage of to make Unnecessary Sequels . . . Right? Without further ado, I present to you the beginning, where all of this madness first began: Chapter 1: Mata Nuis Not Bothering Anymore A short being in yellow armor (because yellow armor is a chick magnet) raised a rifle and aimed it at the cybernetic demon wolf he had been hunting. His name was Mata Nui and he was not going to go home to his girl Kiina without some food to put on the table. The wolf demon thingy snarled and, with a cry like that of a dolphin, leapt at the ex-war hero with blinding speed and agility. Mata Nui could see the foam at its teeth, its sharp, blood-stained claws, and saw that its eyes were full of hate and hunger. Or something like that. He just thought it looked crazy. Anyway, the wolf jumped at him, but Mata Nui was faster. He raised the rifle even higher than before and, holding the gun with only one hand, shot the cybernetic demon wolf right between the eyes. The wolf creature went flying back and slammed into the stone wall of the canyon Mata Nui had tracked it down in. It slid to the ground, dead, although because this is a kids comedy well say it was taken to the hospital forever and leave it at that. Mata Nui walked over to the hospitalized wolf and slung it over his shoulder. He did not have the first idea how he would cook and clean this creature. He figured Kiina would know that, but if she didnt they could always eat it raw. Thats how he and his friends had eaten their enemies during the war, after all. Raw meat was manlier than cooked meat anyway, in Mata Nuis humble opinion. - A few hours later, Mata Nui drove up in his Thornatus (technically it was Kiinas, but because it was yellow like him he usually pretended it belonged to him) to his house, which was a basic one-room stone hut. Like most of the inhabitants of Bara Magna, Mata Nui didnt have enough money to get a more luxurious house. And, again, like most of the Bara Magnans, he was too awesome for silly things such as indoor plumbing and reasonable safety conditions, so he didnt need a bigger or nicer house anyway. As Mata Nui walked up to his house, he began thinking over how hed show his girl Kiina what he caught. He imagined it would go something like this: Mata Nui: (with the wolfs body hidden behind him) Kiina! Im home! Kiina: Mata Nui! Where were you? Mata Nui: (slyly) Oh, nowhere in particular. Kiina: Were you hanging out with those old war buddies of yours again? Mata Nui: (again, slyly) Maybe a little. Kiina: Not that I care. Im no generic female stereotype who always worries about the male main character anyway. Mata Nui: Right you are, Kiinie. Kiina: Dont call me that or Ill play football with your head. American football, for you non-Americans reading this. Mata Nui: Surprise! (Holds up the hospitalized wolf) Kiina: Oh, Mata Nui! How wonderful! How did you know cybernetic demon wolf stew was my favorite food? Youre so sweet. Mata Nui: And awesome, too. Kiina: Of course you are. Now go get the chainsaw and lets try to figure out what the edible parts are on this thing. Yes, Mata Nui thought as he reached the door, this would go perfect. Of course, he had no idea whether Kiinas favorite food actually was cybernetic demon wolf stew, but he figured the conversation would go that way. He was just that awesome, after all. He opened the door which was strangely unlocked, although he paid no attention to this and as he stepped inside, he called out, Kiina! Im home! Then he stopped dead in his tracks. The room was completely dark despite the windows being open which allowed the bright sunshine to pour in but Mata Nui knew this was Hollywood darkness, so it was really more of a dark bluish hue that let him see where he was even though it was supposed to be dark. He wished it was the cool reddish kind of darkness instead, but he knew the budget for this comedy was pretty low to begin with so he didnt complain. What he saw horrified him. The table had been flipped over and smashed in two. Their chairs had been smashed against the walls, leaving chair imprints in the plaster. The fridge door was open and Mata Nui saw that all of the food was gone (he gasped dramatically upon seeing that). Someone other than himself or Kiina had slept in their beds. And there appeared to be claw marks on the wall, like a gigantic cat had been sharpening its claws on Mata Nuis hut. Worst of all, there was no sign of Kiina. He didnt see any blood, but even if he had he knew it would be censored. Remember, this is a kids comedy, so we cant show blood or anything gory. He dropped the cybernetic demon wolf and walked deeper into the hut, gawking at all of the carnage. Then his sharp eyes caught a flash of white, which caused him to jump, for he feared a ghost had blown up in front of him. It had happened once before. He looked around and saw that it was only a small piece of paper upon which was written a note in tiny, elegant letters made by an obviously well-educated person. In other words, not Kiinas handwriting. He picked up the note and read it: Dear Mata Nui, We kidnapped your girl Kiina and are holding her hostage. If you cannot turn up at Roxtus with ten billion and a half dollars in cash by the end of the night, you will never see your girl again. Signed, the mighty Tuma, leader of the Skrall. Mata Nui gasped dramatically. Oh, look! A shiny penny! He picked up the shiny penny and gazed at it for a few minutes before he realized what was written on the note. Then he crunched the paper in his hands as righteous anger surged through him. First, I am drafted into some nutty war by some crazy scientists. Then I am ridiculed and mocked by my comrades because I wear yellow armor, which is totally a chick magnet and not kid appeal. And then, I see death and chaos all around me every day until the day the war reaches its epic conclusion. At first, I thought I had escaped the war when it ended ten years ago. I thought I could settle down and have a family and live happily and peacefully. I thought I could put the war behind me, ignore my problems in the hopes theyll go away. Click, his pet bug (for want of a better term), hopped onto his shoulder and looked at Mata Nui worriedly. Then he leapt into the air and with a blinding flash of awesome light followed by a guitar solo transformed into Mata Nuis 40k Mighty Grandma Assault rifle that was capable of blasting cities into pieces. But apparently, the war has followed me here, to this very hut, and has stolen my girl, said Mata Nui, his voice growing steadily louder. Now the Tuma has decided to get revenge on me by attacking the girl I sort of like. The Tuma might be in charge of billions of Skrall, but he has severely, severely underestimated my power and my unstoppable rage. He looked down at his 40k Mighty Grandma Assault rifle and said to it, Click, were going to kick some Skrall butt and save hot girls. But first, I need help, the kind that doesnt take no [inappropriate word censored] from any Skrall. And I know exactly who fits that description. -TNTOS-
  3. So the forums are back online. Thankfully I didn't lose much, just the second half of The Legend Reloaded and the first posted half of My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive. I have both comedies saved onto my computer, so expect to see a new chapter a day for both until they are at the point they were pre-hacking. Also, I am working on the third draft of In the End, the sequel to Dawn of the New Century. Based on the current rate I am working at, it will probably be ready for posting in early-to-mid 2014, though no promises. And NaNoWriMo is next month! As usual, I will keep you guys updated on my word count here on the blog. I am doing an original novel this year, one I am going to try to publish on Kindle later. No idea when I'll release it, but rest assured I will let y'all know when it's ready. That's also for now, so see ya, -TNTOS-
  4. As of today, I have begun reposting BIONICLE: The Legend Reloaded, which you can find here. I intend to post one chapter a day until the entire thing has been reposted. That will take a little over a month, seeing as the entire comedy is 34 chapters long. I've been thinking of reposting the Shika Trilogy sometime, too, even though all three of the epics are not quite as good as my current work. Still, the Shika Trilogy is foundational to the Shikaverse and is the only trilogy of epics I have ever completed. So you can probably expect to see them sometime, but when, I am not sure. You see, I am thinking of adding commentary to the Shika Trilogy, some of it humorous, some of it explanatory. Sort of like a "special edition" version of the Shika Trilogy, where you can see some of the thought process that went behind a lot of the decisions I made while writing the trilogy. I would like to add the commentary without disrupting the flow of the stories, however, so I am still figuring that out. I have an idea of how to fix that problem, but whether it will work or not remains to be seen. -TNTOS-
  5. Just posted the final chapter of TLI. Read it here. That means that the Legend Trilogy is finally over. I'm gonna miss it, but all things must end at some point, otherwise you drag it out too long and it becomes a zombie and tries to eat your brain. Wait, what was I talking about again? Anyway, I am probably going to post something on this blog about the Legend Trilogy next week, most likely an overview of the series. I may not, but I think it's likely that I will, so whatever. -TNTOS-
  6. TNTOS

    Chapter 2

    I posted Chapter 2 of TLI earlier today. Go read it here . -TNTOS-
  7. I just posted BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded almost fifteen minutes ago. Please enjoy the prologue and first chapter . -TNTOS-
  8. This is the final preview for my upcoming comedy, BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded, which is coming out tomorow, which is going to be awesome. So here's the preview, from Chapter 6: Just before Mata Nui could jump, however, a voice said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mata Nui." Mata Nui looked around until he spotted a familiar black-armored being standing on the other side of the pit. It was Teridax, who was leaning against the wall on the far side quite casually. "Teridax," Mata Nui said, immediately raising his gun. "What are you doing here? How'd you know I'd be here?" "It was easy," said Teridax. "My Rahkshi were but a distraction, the prod necessary to make you come down here and face me. By putting the golden mask down here, I gave you another reason to want to fight me, rather than run away as you have before." "It was just a lucky guess, then," said Mata Nui. "Right?" Teridax stomped his foot against the floor. "No, no, no! I planned it all and you fell for it! I'm right and you're wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!" "Okay, okay, geez," said Mata Nui, holding his hands up. "Don't have a man, cow . . . wait, I don"t think I got that right." "Anyway," said Teridax, suddenly regaining his composure. "If you want the mask, Mata Nui, you will have to fight me to get it." "And if I don't?" said Mata Nui. "What if I just take the mask really fast and escape, before you can stop me?" "You won't escape," said Teridax as he snapped his fingers. From out of the tunnels came millions of Rahkshi. They blocked every exit, including the one behind Mata Nui. Mata Nui didn't doubt he could kill them all if he had to (or even if he didn"t have to), but with Teridax being here, it would be far more difficult. "My Rahkshi will make sure you do not escape before we clash," said Teridax as he unsheathed something that looked like a sawed-off shot gun. "Let us do battle. The winner gets the golden mask. The loser is banished to the pit below." Teridax pointed at the gaping hole that was opened below the suspended mask. Mata Nui still couldn't see the bottom of it, but he had no fears. After all, he was Mata Nui, the gun-toting, butt-kicking hero of this comedy. How could he, the main character, lose? So Mata Nui said, "All right, then. Bring it on, Teridax. I don't need the golden armor to beat you." "Then why are you and your friends trying to get it?" said Teridax. "Because you better shut your mouth or I'm going to shut it for you!" Mata Nui said as he launched himself into the air. - That's the end of the previews. Keep an eye on the Comedies forum tomorrow, Saturday, December 1st, where I will begin posting chapters of TLI on a weekly basis! -TNTOS-
  9. Here's the sixth preview for my upcoming comedy, BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded, which is coming out in the Comedies forum on Saturday, December 1st. This preview is from Chapter 6: It was then that Mata Nui heard a hissing noise; a lot of hissing noises, actually. He looked around and realized that he was surrounded by what appeared to be thousands of yellow-armored beings, but they looked nothing like him despite sharing the same armor color. They looked something like snakes mounted on humanoid bodies. They held two sided shot guns, which would have made them look fierce if they didn’t stand shorter than Mata Nui’s knee. If anything, these newcomers actually looked kind of cute, but that wasn’t on Mata Nui’s mind as he understood his situation. “Rahkshi,” said Mata Nui, redoubling his grip on his gun. “Teridax’s sons, right?” The lead Rahkshi hissed. “Yesss. We are hissss sssonsss.” “Teridax must have gotten busy,” said Mata Nui, looking around. “I mean, look at all of you.” “Sssssome of ussss are adopted, you know,” said one Rahkshi, sounding like his feelings were hurt. “Actually, mosssst of ussss are.” “I see,” said Mata Nui. “Well, don’t let anyone tell you that just because you’re adopted that means your dad doesn’t love you. That’s a lie; a deliberate, harmful lie.” Many of the Rahkshi shed tears at Mata Nui’s words, as though they had been waiting their whole lives to hear such encouraging words. That didn’t quite quell the desire in their hearts to rip Mata Nui limb from limb, but many of the Rahkshi gained a newfound respect for Mata Nui just the same. “So let me guess,” said Mata Nui as he cocked his gun. “Y’all are gonna kill me, right? Just following your daddy’s orders?” “Yessss, Mata Nui,” the lead Rahkshi said. “Daddy told ussss to kill you. We must obey our daddy’sssssss wishessss.” “Teridax must be getting stupid, then,” said Mata Nui. “Thinks a bunch of adopted children can kill me? He’s losing his game, he is.” That ‘adopted children’ bit enraged the Rahkshi, causing them to jump toward him with frightening speed. Remember to keep an eye on the Comedies forum on Saturday, December 1st, where I will begin posting TLI. It's going to be awesome. -TNTOS-
  10. Two days to go until the release of BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded. And as I promised yesterday, here is the fifth preview, showcasing an excerpt from Chapter 5: “Um, I dunno, man,” said Takanuva. “I mean, I think so, but . . . I dunno, man.” “All we need to do is find the golden armor piece and we’ll leave,” Gresh said as he stopped hopping and skipping. “I was here once in Grand Di-Shogun Land.” “Really?” said Takanuva. “When was that?” Gresh frowned. “You know, I can’t seem to remember. Feels like someone took a giant eraser and erased part of my memory away. Think it had something to do with ninjas kidnapping someone and we had to save him or something.” “Sounds stupid, man,” said Takanuva. “Then again . . . I dunno, man.” “Well,” said Gresh as he looked around, “I figure the golden armor piece has to be around here somewhere. I have no doubt in my heart that we’ll find it, and when we do, it will be righteous!” “Dunno, man,” said Takanuva as he picked up a flower and ate it. “I don’t see any golden armor pieces around here, man, but then again, I dunno, man.” Remember to keep an eye on the Comedies forum on Saturday, December 1st, which is when I will beging posting BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded! Also stay tuned to this blog tomorrow, when I will post Preview #6. -TNTOS-
  11. Only three days to go until the release of my upcoming comedy, BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded. In the meantime, why don't you check out this hilarious preview? It might give you a couple of giggles at least, so here is the preview from Chapter 5: “I say we go left,” said Likus. “Left scares me,” Tera said. “So we go right. Then again, going right scares me, too.” “If you’re afraid of going right, why do you want to go right?” said Likus. “Because conforming to other peoples’ opinions scares me,” said Tera. “All right,” said Likus as he pulled out his air guitar. “Seeing as we can’t agree, how’s about we compromise?” “Compromise scares me,” said Tera. “And by compromise,” Likus continued, ignoring Tera, “I mean we’ll just break down this wall and go straight ahead.” “Breaking walls scares me,” said Tera. “Y-You do it.” “Then step back,” said Likus, “’cause it’s about to get rock and rolling up in here and you don’t want to be here when it’s rocking and rolling!” Tera timidly retreated a short distance away as Likus strummed his air guitar. The champion air guitarist suddenly unleashed a string of awesome notes that completely obliterated the wall before them, thus opening a new path for them to go through. “See, Tera?” said Likus as he strapped his air guitar to his back. “Nothing to it.” Remember to keep an eye on the Comedies forum for BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded, which is coming out Saturday, December 1st! -TNTOS-
  12. In four days, BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded will be coming to the Comedies forum. In the meantime, however, here is the third preview, an excerpt from Chapter 4: “So, where is this golden armor piece we’re supposed to be after?” said Tahu. “Oris, you have the map Mata Nui gave us, right?” Oris nodded, but his head was shivering so badly that he nodded several times. “Y-Yeah. H-Here it i-is.” Oris pulled the map out of his bag -- quite a feat, considering Oris’s arms were frozen to his sides. He handed the map to Tahu, who unrolled it and looked at it. Unless Tahu was mistaken, the map appeared to have been drawn with crayon on construction paper. It showed a badly drawn house (labeled ‘HOME’ in big, childishly-drawn letters) and then a squiggly line representing a path leading to a bunch of poorly-drawn mountains (labeled ‘BIG SCARY COLD PLACE’). All in all, the map made no sense to Tahu whatsoever, so he held it up in front of the sun. Perhaps there was a secret message encoded in it, although knowing Mata Nui’s lack of subtlety, that didn’t seem likely. It was then that the sun fired a laser beam of energy down at Tahu. Luckily for Tahu, he had coincidentally chosen that exact moment to hold the map up in front of the sun. The laser beam thus struck the map, completely incinerating it. “Whoa,” said Tahu, blinking. “Didn’t see that coming.” Keep an eye on this blog for Preview #4, which is coming tomorrow. And remember to keep an eye on the Comedies forum for the comedy itself, which is set to be released on Saturday, December 1st. Tell me what you think in the comments . -TNTOS-
  13. It's time for Preview #2 of my soon-to-be released comedy, BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded, which is coming out in six days on Saturday, December 1st. Here is today's preview, from Chapter 5: “So do we even know the location of the golden armor piece we're looking for?” said Kiina as she and Ackar walked. “Or are we just gonna wander around for days and get nowhere?” “I know where we’re going,” Ackar said as they walked. “Or, um, actually, I don’t. But I’m sure we’ll find it. The plot demands it.” “Stupid plot,” said Kiina, folding her arms. “It’s a big bully, making us do all the work while it just sits around and gets praise from everyone for being so clever.” “Back in my day, plots used to work,” said Ackar. “Nowadays, though, I agree they’ve gotten lazier. It’s like they just don’t care anymore, you know? That reminds me of the good ol’ days before those darn hippies-“ Ackar walked into a signpost that had magically appeared out of nowhere just then. He fell to the ground and cursed, but Kiina ignored him and read the sign, which read thus: “Do you have what it takes to impress Death himself and win the golden trophy? If you think you can, come to the Death Dome and try your luck at winning eternal glory, bragging rights, and the golden trophy!” “The Death Dome?” said Kiina. “Hey, Ackar, do you think that golden trophy might be the golden armor piece we’re looking for?” “I want my prunes,” Ackar replied as he sat up. “You might be onto something, however. We should compete in the Death Dome and see what the prize is.” Tell me what you think in the comments . Also, remember to check out TLI when it comes out on Saturday, December 1st! -TNTOS-
  14. I don't know how many people are aware of this, but exactly one week from today, on Saturday, December 1st, I will post the final comedy in the Legend Trilogy, BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded (TLI). To build up to its release in the Comedies fourm, I will be posting one preview a day starting today and going on through December 1st. Each preview will feature a short excerpt from TLI itself, which should hopefully garner more interest in it or at least give y'all a few giggles at any rate. And now, without further ado, here is the first preview (from Chapter 4): “Are we there yet?” “No.” “Are we there yet?” “No.” “Are we there yet?” “No!” Berix and Bucket-head were trekking through the jungle of Bota Magna and Berix had been annoying Bucket-head for the past hour or so by asking the same question over and over again. What made the situation even worse was that Berix was riding on Bucket-head’s shoulders -- something Mata Nui had insisted upon before they’d left, although Bucket-head could see no reason for it other than to humiliate him, as Berix was perfectly capable of walking on his own. “Well, are we there yet?” Berix asked. “No!” Bucket-head cried. “What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand?” “Um, I don’t quite understand the ‘N’ part,” said Berix seriously. “And ‘O,’ that’s very hard. They should make words simpler.” “’No’ is one of the simplest words ever,” said Bucket-head. “You’re just too thick to realize it.” “Hey!” said Berix. “I am not that fat.” “That’s not what I- oh, never mind,” Bucket-head sighed. “Will you please get off my shoulders now?” Berix picked what was probably a poisonous fruit off a tree and ate it as they passed. “Hmm, I don’t think so. Maybe when we find the cheesy grits I’ll get off.” “You mean the golden armor,” said Bucket-head. “Right?” “Cheesy grits, golden armor, whatever,” said Berix. “All the same to me.” That's all for today. Remember to keep an eye on this blog tomorrow, where I will post the next preview. Please tell me what you think in the comments section . -TNTOS-
  15. Just posted my post for the CFE, in which I preview my upcoming comedy, BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded. Check it out here. -TNTOS-
  16. It's Wednesday again, which means it's time for another chapter of The Ghost King's Tragedy. It's Chapter Five, so we're now at the halfway point, so yay and stuff. Here's an excerpt: Read the rest of Chapter Five here. Also, I am happy to announce that yesterday I finished writing BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded, the final comedy in my parody trilogy. I will need to edit it, however, so don't expect to see it anytime soon. I will say, however, that I think it is probably the best and funniest comedy in the entire trilogy and I hope the rest of y'all will agree once I post it. I've also started work on a new short story, starring Toa Chimoy from the Shika Trilogy. All I will say about it at this point is that it deals with, at least to some extent, how Chimoy joined the Toa Shika when they were a simple band of Matoran thieves, before they became Toa. There is much more to it than that, but that's all I'm going to reveal for now. -TNTOS-
  17. TNTOS

    Fanfiction News

    A few days ago I finished editing The Ghost King's Tragedy. I'm confident that it's ready for posting; however, the release date is still August 1st. Besides, I might do some last minute editing, which is something I always do before posting a new fanfic or chapter of a fanfic. Usually it's something simple, such as word choice or arrangement, so often what you see posted on BZP looks a little different from what is writen in my Word documents. Also, I'm proud to announce that I've officially began work on the final chapter in the Legend Trilogy, BIONICLE: The Legend Imploded. So far, the plot is going in a direction that's very different from TLR and TLE. Whereas the last two stories were basically "go on a quest to defeat the Big Bad," TLI is going to be a bit more like a "collect them all and then defeat the Big Bad," but I won't say more than that 'cause I don't want to spoil. I also think TLI is going to be much longer than TLR or TLE. It might even be two parts depending on how long it ends up being, but don't take that as definitive right now. I'm still in the earliest stages of writing, so a lot could change between now and the time I finish it. That's all for now, so see ya, -TNTOS-
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