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1 brain cell left October Oldish Occasions!
Mushy the Mushroom posted a blog entry in Adventures in Mushroomlandia
Okay, October Oldish Occasions! Wow! What an existence this beautiful spiral of life is. I guess this is a hello, life update and hopeful return to this lovely internet homey. Trying to see if easier for me to upload embed IG content instead of resizing. Which made me weirdly more okay with being more goofy on IG posting with main goal of it being for BZP blogging and likely only seen by around 3 humans, haha. October art first, blobbyblogbog below it! The doll obsession did indeed overtake my October! WELL FAIL on me figuring out embedding. So Ugly links.. So sorry. Does anyone know how? to please help? if it's possible? Me as a tree baby. I was eating the dirt from the rosemary tree planter!? And absolutely enjoying it! Baby Me cravings. Sneaking it repeatedly. Guessing that was a missed nutritional deficiency given my genetic glory. 8.5hrs. Small photo size, mechanical pencil, art fixative, watercolor paper. Done on clipboard while battling my broken body. 🤒🫠 Little gift for my mom. 💚 First attempt at hammering/murdering 😭 flowers for dyed fabric, not yet sure what to do with this, but, yay Pinterest! I staggered outside waaay back in September to get these, thus shattering me. 😆 I haven’t been outside since aside from in and out for a few car rides. (Edit: now going to make flag decor for the dining room/my new little- soon-to-show-cooknook for this!) did I already post this here, haha? Culinary crafts! Older content. Spice crumb cake in my misfit sized cake pan stack. Chocolate chip coconut oil muffs with walnut & choc on top. Spice and sweet potato sweet squares, walnut chocolate pastry pods + brekkie granola rounds. Cheddar cheese petite pizzas, I was thrilled to figure out they fit in coffee cans for freezer storage. Olives feel luxurious. Light and fluffy butter loaves (actually oil because $) that were altered from a Texas Roadhouse roll recipe and this a bit stubby. Horizontal slicing to the rescue & flash frozen on trays as always. Grateful to have grabbed our four lovely loaf pans when we left. Oven Naan breads, a fan of the King’s (KAF brand) recipes I am! Random barely conscious to be honest foodprep and bakes for my mom’s meals. Also, a few “flops”-attempts at making recipes my body didn’t reject absolutely. Some were yum but not very pretty! I Apologize for your eyes. 🙈 Bakes on the treat trolley for fieldwork and fire starting family friends. Choc walnut for my mom, made sugarsub/free cheesecake for broken pancreas me! Peanut butter frosted nutter bars + gingersnap brownies for my mom. Weird colorful vegetable dishes everywhere because trying to for-dr document the diet and hopefully figure out what things are helping/making me more sick after years of starving and medical complexity. Figuring out wheelchair cooking wasn’t somthing I expected to be so complex. (This was prior to the past few months of my major kitchen rearranging. The goal was to make it wheelchair accessible with the free barn and basement supplies I could find amid major illness stupor/cooking, eating, then trying to survive symptoms afterwards.😂) *THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTENT HERE: Pic with my adorable tiny baby Alice-in-wonderland“dessert” spoon from the new set my mom ordered upon my dream request. She’s the best ❤️ When your mom’s work gently demands a family photo and you initially are repelled, then realize it’s a great opportunity for family photos… AKA to let your happy weirdo show (?girl autism? Some day…we shall officially know!?)Life’s too short and sweet for taking oneself too seriously, according to me at least! …Sorry Mom and thanks for going along. 😆🌻 Featuring my mom’s green grandchildren, and all the normalness of our existence. Doll clothes, some of the human clothes, and wreaths concocted by me. Bee costume for another doll longago, yellow bloom circa 2021. Foam sheet Sunshine sign for pretending this thing was by design. I think these were in September or October, my brain is a bit of a shell from being this unwell. Regretting not going fully faceless on these because I prefer hiding behind my alien children 💚😂. (Wrote it bit ago/old info, but actually wore this for the 3rd total time today for a dr apt!) Wish I’d gone faceless- oh well, still surviving and smiling is a celebration!? Saltwater Taffy Striped Sweater! Which prompted plush phamily photos, of course! 😆 💕My mom’s weave work! Indescribable gratitude💕She just finished it, started the knit in spring 2022 for me! Shocking it fits, I’ve lost 30lbs since due to severe sickness. (Hoping such photos won’t highlight my facial skinniness🫣. if I’m honest I was fighting my own body for 4hrs on the floor after food ingestion on the day I photographed this. Typically it’s only a daily two hour post meal mess, now thankfully (desperate experimentation with my already owned Medication ). Trusting there is some higher purpose to this) Skirts and rose headband made by me prior, fur vest was a gift, glasses are just blue shades. Ballet shoes from a brief period of life when I was pre-diagnosed and tried excitedly to live, walk and move normally. Great for wheelchair use since not much need for sturdy shoes 😂. Shasta (boy baby Yoda)’s jacket selfdrafted & made by me for 18” dolls long ago, his deer sweater knit by my mom for another plush, and his tiny pseudo hat a random crochet by me. His corduroy shirt is actually a little sack bag, a gift from my mom’s coworker! Luna (girl baby Yoda)’s ballet inspired outfit is more 18” outfit stuff I made long ago. Grateful for unexpected fit!Mum (more than just a bear)’s styling my babyhood burgundy #winniethepooh dress, my childhood necklace + turtle bracelet + a ballet “bun cover” bought longago but taken for doll hats instead. Mum’s cape is actually a ballet skirt by me. #Toadstool stool a repaint by me. My new pink room has made me incredibly happy..even if I barely go up there due to being an ambulatory user of my wheelchair! PS I really wanted to make red dino & fancy ballerina costumes for my children to go with this, but don’t want to waste my tiny bit of energy on stuff for me. Update; Have worn outfit 1 total times when flung from my fungi forest for physical sig’ needs for social security. Hard to justify the “fancy” of it when 1 messy and forgetful homehobbit! Candy corn caricatures of my mom and I from the glory of random craft trash, discount Go Grocery Avocado hot sauce bottles,their random black bags as a backdrop, and electric tape eyes. Salt lamp gift from family friends 🧡 The heights are accurate when I’m wheeling, haha. My magnificent mom went along with morning-baked cookie delivery for friends and family. I tried to ride along for delivery, an almost unheard of thing for me to leave the mushroom kingdom at all , but nobody was home and I physically crashed too soon. My mom made the many treat taxi trips the next noon for me, for I can never repay she! @SPIRIT!!! May I tag to thank you overexcitedly with many virtual dance-a-happy? If not wanting to be involved in my weirdness I'll remove this! Thank you again for your genius! Every few-and-far-between human who enters the home sees it first thing and happiness it brings! EDIT:added the most important pic with their paper thank u sign sorry it’s shadowy/sunny bleached a bit hahaha The Woodermelon! Brilliantly named by a kind internet citizen upon viewing the original nameless creation. Many thanks to them and I must soon share with them. It has a baby now too thanks to more tree cutting, haha! My mom also finally finished putting buttons on the back of Baby Yoda’s sweater she made also two years ago! Already posted on BZP but oh well, IG transfers! Small kitten of a forum friend! Thanks for allowing sharing! 5x7 from July 2023. I have lost so much memory so my own art is now surprising me, haha. 17hrs- was very slow and distracted this time and am so sorry for its resulting scratchiness! Honoring noble Bob. Pencil, mechanical pencil, and art fixative spray. Apologies if unwated tagging here-can remove happily if any of ye request! Shoutout to BZP bro @Bambifor remembering BZP birthday best wishes while I was barely alive! Thanks again! Coda (Anatolian Shepherd) 8x10” finished in September. 17.5hrs (mid medical episode art so snailstyle 😂). Pencil, mech’ pencil on watercolor paper. Thanks bunches to @otterfor allowing sharing (and for not minding lack of permission to pencil the pretty pet!). (I am trying very hard to remember which of these drawings I’ve already posted, so sorry I’m repeat posting from the edit-illnes-rabbit hole haha. Also for accidental screenshot in swipes. 🙈) “Graphite bites!” Things from my mind while fighting body for dear life -because clipboard power haha (and questioning my power to finish anything in such hours) 3x3 watercolor + mechanical pencil drawing. 5hrs. Birthday (fancy pilot?) cat for my bro shipped off in a before-made birthday bonsai box with sausage and squiddies because why not! ❤️ Cannot for the life of me keep up with where he’s living, so shoutout to him for tolerating 20 accidental sends of a creepy questioning GIF. 😂 “Graphite bites!” Bunny Snow for Mom! 3x3 watercolor + mechanical pencil drawing. 5.5 hrs. Accidentally was eaten by a origami paper and paint-chip turkey for a tiny thanksgiving gift! And finally an opportunity a pop a petite present out too, a prior made Birdy ornament inspired by her on thanks-day morn ❤️And just of me trying to wrap stuff from the trunk of thingies I collect randomly amid struggling at self propelling on a weak wheel day. 😂 Sorting content in an attempt to awaken from the amnesia of the past six month sick-stupor. Today is a good day, the best since another ER trip a few weeks ago (I have officially lost count of the ER trips I’ve made for new changing different issues over my life haha..and keep all my medical bracelets in a garland chain because in all things there can be beauty 😂)I give thanks {..} and send sunshine your way, sorry for spamming and thanks for tolerating me all 3 of you here. 😂❤️Big little things that made bleak days blessings back in fall ❤️ Our new aunt Jane’s kindness is too vast to explain. Bedding! Girl bedding, that unplanned matched my new room perfectly like all my childhood magazine dreams! (Hi from Mr. Mooseykins..yes that’s what I named him 😂) And her sweet seasonal sewing send overs. And a lilac rose from family friends certainly delighted my alien children! I have a problem with turning everything into hats, but perhaps there’s no harm in that? Oh, and my new NON-prescription mobility aid from mom’s store for when I journey to the top of the stairs on occasions rare! Tiny lantern to avoid insomniac wheelchair crashes haha. And my dream -doll size spoons that I daily use (?autism thing?)! Thanks to mom supporting splendid strangeness of my highly specific dream request. And ER fun in October. Those bed poles will forever be lowly worm. So missed it here since a lifetime ago in September! When somehow my everyday existence became a blur as I survived full blown falling into a rabbit hole without medical care (yet tons of prestigious doctors at Duke-who abandoned my case, ignored every near death plea for advice, said go to an ER-where the Mission hospital ER would discharge me, EDIT FEB 20 I just Google that place and found this hahaha (:https://wlos.com/news/local/mission-hospital-ncdhhs-report-details-patient-deaths-injuries-delays-care-asheville-health-centers-medicare-medicaid-immediate-jeopardy) still paralyzed and look at my limp body like I was lazy/wasting their resources and send a 7,000 bill that my cashier mom would try to pay ) and tried to retain consciousness in ER situations on a daily basis. Looking back at these months, it’s a miracle I’m alive. And my mom hasn’t absolutely lost her mind witnessing this. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d make it to 2024, I don’t think anyone did. I basically had accepted after the Jan 15 2023 stroke that I was unofficially on Hospice stuck on our couch and trying to make the best of it. In July I was tired of this, years of starving yet surviving due to my complex sickness. I decided to eat. Instead of controlling my symptoms by starving and waiting on Dulke diagnostic aid. I underestimated how severe the results of this would be, and am pretty amazed by the years of function prior achieved by miserable starving to control my diseases. Not that getting in like 400-600 calories a day was much more than starving. Along with the daily 4hrs of fluid loss, writhing, hyperglycemia and that stranded me in a certain room that began to feel like a prison cell exactly 1hr after I dared bite into some delicious broth, vegetables, meat-or anything. I was chugging two 2 liter bottles of electrolytes within an hour on the floor writhing…while my glucose was over 200 on no carbs while the fluid loss, LUQ pain, face flushing, etc raged. Every single day. An hour after eating, precisely-waiting to pounce on me. Clipboard art and crafts to cope while turning on The Frey Life videos on a shattered phone via YT. Wondering how other people live. Realizing how horrifying my own quality of life has been for years. Hoping to gain some insight on how human beings in a safe home life/environment on a daily basis live. What it even means to have a family support system. There is a lot I don’t remember. There was a lot of lying on the floor, feeling possessed by some raging pain monster. Lots of being so weak I was barely managing to propel my wheelchair home alone. But not like anyone was there to help-my mom had to work or we’d both starve without having any social/family/medical support aid. In like, September, on a week so weak I was wondering if it was my last, I rolled to the med drawer and grabbed my discontinued use Plaquenil for my UCTD, Undifferentiated connective tissue disease. I started taking x4 the dose, 800mg. Have you ever been desperate to live? The daily GI fluid loss was cut to 2hrs daily instead of 4. My glucose wasn’t as bad. I told my good Duke rheumatologist and since then I've been prescribed 400 mg daily. The few pubmed articles I glanced at later support my positive experience with trying this- if I do have some form of endocrinology/cancer disease. The horrors persisted, but more manageably. In October I got very excited and blasted Christmas music, decided to undertake doing a “real Christmas” this year in our new 101yr old family home! Because 2023 was the year of “home/life setup/seasonal decor totes/wow, normal moms have these things but mine never could”. So I started planning the holiday decor designs and working away on turning our old ornaments and junk in our Christmas trunk into things matching and new. I did a lot of ornament painting via the bathroom floor, (I have zero personal pride at admitting this, it kept me alive in such hours while unable to get ongoing medical care). . My mom was trying to get me applied for Medicaid whilst the free-till won disability/SSI lawyer was still trying to prove I was incapable of surviving myself and needed SSI probably forever given Ehlers Danlos alone. My mom first applied me in mid 2022. My insurance ran out in January 2024 and my mom likely couldn’t afford to add me on hers at work. So we waited. I’ve been on Duke full financial aid for years, but also parent insurance deductible payment stuff and ER bills on them/now just Mom. Mom-She finally got legally divorced in October ‘23, so grateful. What a wreck. Exdad still won’t sign over the retirement bit, or her mom’s inheritance car to her so it’s a nice lawn ornament, haha. The car on which he canceled the insurance on in late July-stopping us from driving legally, forcing her to buy a new old car, stopping my mom from renewing its insurance it not having the title of it, & stopping getting med help for me for the new daily ER fluid loss emergency. He didn’t know this stranded me into a life threatening crisis. He didn’t/doesn’t know this. I shudder at the scales of justice, so thankful to have survived it. So strange to me that someone like him would be sent a disabled child-He so often cruelly said to people “Did your parents have any kids who survived to adulthood? Bet they regret that!”...I have somehow, thankfully been one such personage surviving so far to this age, in spite of every arrow aimed at me. And found out in such situations there are endless ways to be personally happy-It’s an inside job! . I’m not even surprised any of this was done. Weird how you can see so much sadness it becomes easy not to even react.Anyway, sorry, hope it doesn’t sound angry- I’m not, just the unfortunate events in a chronologically current recording. Takin' a drive, I was an ideal Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real Just something you paid for What was I made for? Some day those legal papers will come, perhaps, but tisn’t exactly pressing. Each time anything moved on the legal stuff it was a backwards breakdown stress spiral for my mom. I am grateful to say these horrors are now over, and things are much better! Now we can happily go on living, as if certain people in life don’t exist, without being every sec’ reminded of it, each conversation being about it, and go on enjoying that things are at last settled, safe and right. (EDIT: MID FEB ‘24: Car paperwork at last acquired, mom sold the sabotaged lawn ornament at last! Insurmountable gratitude!) Medically, nothing was changing except one day I got super hungry, ate a lot of walnuts instead of the just like 500 cal daily meal that nearly killed me. My throat closed and the extra bad face flushing again. The Epi-triggered and resistant “anaphylaxis” again. The whole suspect Carcinoid Crisis again. Since 2020 that ugly thing. ER at Mission hospital, 6 am. Oct 16th. I made medical info cards a week prior because I’m tired of trying to explain my diagnoses. This thing is effective (RIP privacy when sickness shreds the remaining “dignity”. I now have 3 laminated and take to appts. the dysautonomia diagnosis new since September tilt table test. ). . I told my mom to ask for Octreotide. My mom mistakenly thought my allergist had suggested this, told them so . He did not. This was my own research. I could barely breathe much less tell them this. They gave octreotide and my airways opened up. I went home. Allergist appt to rerun allergen labs to be sure, like 1 lab order from my annoyed primary care doctor for the fluid loss. Still not allergy or high Tryptase. So my good allergist (guy who found my tick bite Alpha Gal allergy saving my life so long ago), was like “yeah, still looks like carcinoid/a net tumor, especially given this, smart move on the Octreotide!” haha. So I contacted him later and my good rheumatologist for Duke and UNC GI cancer and new repeat endocrinology referrals for carcinoid/NET tumor/Possible diabetic condition. And UNC approved my mom’s full financial aid application for me! So since I’ve waiting on those to get scheduled some day, a new GI doctor appt at Duke in April (I had to fire the one Duke GI lady who left me to pretty much die after years of telling me it was surely Celiac disease and “just one more EGD, enteroscopy, etc”.) I still had a useless Duke primary care dr 3hrs away, but we were unsure who to use here given the digital Mychart records needing to be accessible and making sure Medicaid would cover if I was approved. So I waited. My high glucose raged during all this, I’d eat carrots or peas and it would go over 180. Tiny amounts of carbs sending me over 220 and half conscious symptomatically. I tried so many different foods, tried breaking it into two tiny meals to see if the GI got less angry, but nothing. So broth, protein, vegetables, and stevia seasoning became the mainstays while the glucose, face flushing, hyper thirsty, and GI episodes continued to rage on starving level calories. (Like 600 calories daily, robbed of yummy things). Meanwhile my frightening since-September 80-82lb weight just maintained. I’m 5’4”. Prisoner of war aesthetic going on there. Oh well. Alive! Thanksgiving!a brief bit about it, i’ll blog content beyond October later, just a general update trying to grasp the spiral of this! I’d barely finished most of the decorations for the day , got to wear the vintage granny clothes I adore from my new 80+ yr old mom’s aunt (weirdness of mom being adopted) and it was wonderful with my mom off-day. We watched livestreams from ActionKid of the Macy’s Parade while eating POPCORN in our new popper & putting up the new upcycled decor by me (later to be blogged). We had such good times. One of the best thanksgivings I remember. Actively FB messenger spamming my brother. Every holiday prior was just the 4 of us and major medically-dietarily restricted/we just didn’t do anything. Also, prior, my ex dad hated the traditions, seeing his family at holidays, birthdays etc. and my mom had none aside from her peculiar puppy mill owner estranged mother and prison brother. So getting to celebrate “real family holidays” in a gloriously nontoxic home environment is not something we’ve really experienced (except for my mom, as a child) before. It was a dream. I finally don’t feel unsafe 24/7! Near heaven! The 2022 thanksgiving prior I tried to pull out our old Xmas decorations but just cried instead over the shambles of our lives. 2023 thanksgiving was a DREAM. We are actually very much recovering and learning to live. If we’re all still around next year, I think it may be ever better! I decided to make a traditional thanksgiving dinner, immediately freezing some dishes for Christmas. Decided to eat tons of whatever and everything I wanted that day, even if I went into a coma. That went SO badly hahaha. I took extra plaquenil. No regrets. Totally threw up. Eating is torture but so worth it.Would do again. I felt so alive, it’s so nice to eat with other people. I had no idea how poor not being able to eat together makes the “quality of life”. Wrote a disturbing song in the stupor that followed that I’ll later repost, hahaha. And then after that Twas all out Xmas mode-still…Making some rushed decor, decorating the new old hold for the first time, trying to color theme each room!, lots and lots of cooking and baking! Pinterest recipe bliss! Planning excitedly for my brother to visit after not being able to for a year. The first time the home wasn’t even fully renovated and we didn’t do much of anything, decor or food wise. This meant unplanned renovations and rearranging of the kitchen to be more disabled/wheelchair friendly to reduce my suffering,haha. The “Cook Nook” was evolving- my cozy cottage closet wheelchair workspace! Such kitchen shuffling. Still a work in progress. (EDIT FEB ‘24..Done!)My mom getting me an instant pot has massively helped me given my inability historically and now especially to stand long at the stovetop. Need to take updated pics and add to this. Also, I am relearning how to cook via food scale using mostly metric, for ease, fewer dishes, and nutrition calculations. Thanks to King Arthur Flour recipes for encouraging this. I am relearning how to calculate the servings/nutrition on my own recipes and all recipes once again (one day I won’t have to Google nutrition on 3oz raw “x” every time). I did this from 2017-2020 (post severe food allergies + ingredient label checking drama, PICU, hospital) as per my illness and appetite never existed, and I was scared I’d accidentally lose weight and almost die again. Then in 2020 I just became major sicker, unable to eat enough for a normal creature to live, started gaining weight, then the celiac train wreck began. So all this nutrition content stuff is major Deja Vu. Sometime in December? We found out I got approved for Medicaid , and now it appears to be because the US government has officially accepted that I am disabled/useless in working society. I am so grateful and honestly cannot believe it. It seems like I may not have to show up in virtual SSI court in March now for the disability lawyer to “prove I’m disabled” from showing my medical records that the government already has. (EDIT FEB ‘24: Virtual court date is a day after my b-day, perhaps I can control symptoms enough to eat cheesecake & take sickness a day prior if I completely dehydrate, haha? Yolo or no? ) So in December the try for local primary ensued. My mom is doing all the paper and scheduling work as usual (cannot Adult). I went to one nice doctor on December 7, broke down crying weirdly over my situation (normally numb to the chronic near death experiences). She was amazing, but couldn’t accept me-I needed an internal Med-Ped doctor to “accept my case” as I was “too medically complex”. Mom’s Hunt ensued, I got an appt. in the UNC based local system that linked with mychart & their better ER 30 mins away. I went to their ER for labs/my chronic emergency level fluid loss and malnutrition on Dec 13, like: “hi I have no primary care yet please help.” That was useful, hadn’t had labs since September. They’re all rough as one would expect, but I’m managing to keep my electrolytes acceptable with salt cravings, bullion and lemon water. Basically: The internal primary care appt. Finally came! It was, to my horror- a male doctor. I vowed to never have another given a few terrible experiences with them due to my age, gender and being underweight (as if I chose this nightmare-then I blame myself for it, though it’s not something I can control/fix.). which had been up a full day prior so was very out of it. The ER labs were useful for them, too. The intern doctor had an intern too, who was very nice and shockingly interested in my load of recent medical notes and since July daily recording diary of my food fluid, med and intake and vitals timebook. The book I made out of desperation trying to figure this out or find someone who could. Shockingly, they gave good advice and accepted my case! They understood Ehlers-Danlos, amazingly. They asked what I wanted to start on, I begged for help on eating and drinking. He said the human body can process ~20g protein per two hours for muscle building/retaining, and with my weight & intake tolerance being so low I definitely had muscle wasting (I, who only ate 4 slices broth and bread daily-for over two years while desperately waiting on Duke GI doctors to figure out this wasn’t celiac and why food made me so sick). Apparently ill & old people die from bowel necrosis due to muscle wasting in situations like mine. No other doctor ever mentioned lacking protein or muscle wasting making everything worse. Duke doctors gave no aid aside from “I can send you to a dietician if you’d like it”-as if generic advice would aid the unmanageable food reactions. Also, male Dr was awesome not a nightmare. AWESOME. He saw my real actual email which literally contains Sarasbabyducks given my past pets, and he saw that& was like EPIC I RAISED RUNNERS, what breed did you have? Beautiful carcincle Muscovy, Ancona and Pekin were so loved by wee me. Given struggling to verbally communicate my mom also 2nd visit was like “we think she’s autistic- and my doctor IS FORMALLY DIAGNOSED and told me this!? I also found his IG sand apparently is into alternate herbal things & didn’t roast us for desparate experimenting! The new doctors don’t know why my glucose is crazy high, and said I was allowed to try carbs with the high protein and see what happens/monitor it.They also bumped the UNC endocrinologist referral up for Carcinoid/NET tumor/possible atypical diabetes and scheduled a six week later progress check-this is unheard of in my life to have ongoing medical follow up, help, or doctors who genuinely care if I live or die. I am so grateful. I also got clearance on my plan to eat YUMMY HOLIDAY FOODs during Christmas week when my bro came and not monitor vitals/anything! So prior to bro visit, I embarked (cautiously so Christmas plans wouldn’t be ruined by me being sicker) eating at least 20g x3 daily and increasing my foods/trying some fruits/vegetables I normally get hyperglycemic from. Shockingly my glucose and GI episodes improved some. It’s so hard initially to learn how much protein’s in what. Then Christmas! The so longed for first real family Christmas in the new old home, fully renovated! Bro came a day later than hoped (traffic), but made it on Xmas eve night! I’ll later blog of it! On Xmas week I tried to eat all the yummy foods unrecorded, mostly! It was a delicious disaster haha. Been Still recording glucose x3 daily, but thankfully not fluids or blood pressure now. That was tons of exhausting work, especially when barely functioning already. Getting back to the protein!... This concludes the illness fog written content mostly from goodness knows when! Free to frolic on to editing the somewhat later project photos as a hopeful attempt to reawaken my brain from months of hours-daily medical meltdown endurance without local care access. Grateful to be in this beautiful world, for my mom, Medicaid approval, new Internal Med doctors, and the few pretend friends who perhaps, for some reason, are kind enough to read the ramblings of a happy hermit, sick lunatic. This is where I stopped writing, haha. Current tiny update February ‘24, I’ll fill in gaps later if I get the chance!: Jan. 2 I started some alternative herbs and medications my mom had been considering, given doctors not helping and time running out .Things supported by scientific papers and research, a hopeful cure if carcinoid tumor/pancreatic cancer. 3 herbal pills and 2 fluid meds. My glucose at least is starting to markedly stabilize (FEB update)! Supposing it’s the combined CBD, my DIY-not-to-die plaquenil, tumeric and berberine along with the other high powered liquid thing? The hours of horror fluid loss GI wise are harder to survive as I’m trying to eat more-some days I got in 1000 calories-a miracle for me. I was in the new awesome UNC ER again Jan 13? after eating in a restaurant for the first time in 6 years-a glorious event for me to leave the home at all! For a funeral of my honorary granny. Backed up to my ribs despite chronic fluid loss-surprising and why it’s like glass shards in ribs when eating or drinking often. I’ve been out of it since and barely able to eat given my GI being badly broken, now require a new old people med device to somewhat more safely stay home alone, but now, mid Feb, feel like I’m coming out of the fog. No regrets, the restaurant was delicious! And now I’ve local GI care from UNC helping & as I write this current bit I’m leaving for my first combined colonoscopy & EGD done simultaneously later today. 6? EDG & enteroscopies and one colonoscopy at Duke from 2021-23. Issues found but no helping. Hoping they aren’t scared to fully sedate me here, haha. That only other 2022 Duke colonoscopy..Then the guy just blamed me for being too skinny, and was unable to find anything structurally, not being able to complete the procedure fully. I was half conscious and in pain screaming, when supposed to be all out anesthesia’d. Extra fentanyl this fine day of February, please! Also weirdly, my parent's equitabled distribution disaster was precisely 1 year ago today-When DVPO exdad dumped all my old & future medical bills on my former homeschool medical mom & attempted to take everything, almost suceeding after we were forced to flee homeless in 2022 to survive him. No support financially, what is mythical alimony and good lawyers? My mom having horrible mental breakdowns. Why exdad. I almost wheeled then walked out into traffic after this, no one in my life has ever made me feel more worthless and like a burden for breathing the air. How can one cope with being a burden to their own mother? This was post Jan 2023 no-med care post stroke when I could barely move, drink, swallow, eat or talk. Home alone surviving on the couch with a pencil in my hand giving me the will to try to “live to give, live to love” in little ways-if nothing more on earth I could say for. Turns out I'm not real Just something you paid for What was I made for? But somehow, we stuck together and smiled after the storm. So grateful she got her mother's ex-puppymill and land, a little lumpsum, and we have blessed freedom! Anyway, tis all my bitty remaining brain cell can summon at the moment! Life is honestly improving so rapidly this year it’s dizzying! Being able to even blog a bit (even if a bit off-balance) is proof of this! local good drs, hope to survive/cure the one thing, getting to often enjoy family meals with my mom-never allowed historically ( medical and family toxicity situations), finally finishing the few leftover home renovations, the first year she’s fully divorced finally and mostly financially in an area of safety! I’ve dubbed it the year of (my mom’s) Julie’s Jubilee with laughable glee! And I’ve given the home and acres around it a loving dub of “Misfit Meadows” I am indeed making a sign for our front room, haha! So weird to be allowed to be in a home so happy! I absolutely apologize/will edit if it’s not allowed to be so real here, or if this content isn’t BZP friendly. And for photo embed fail pleasehelp? I have no perspective on what it's like to live as an ordinary person or how rules apply here. ‘Appy impaired unaware alien here. Virtual hugs to all, tis all! Missed blogging in the BZP beauty where I can be a misfit with so few openly judging me for the fairytale ramblings, thanks to all thee! "Think I forgot how to be happy... ..something I can be!"-
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Felt-lings, A Painting, Hammering at Three!
Mushy the Mushroom posted a blog entry in Adventures in Mushroomlandia
And wrappings, wildlife, & celebrating life! Yes, yay, hello, some yellow! I missed May , June’s come so soon! I absolutely forgot to bright/lighting edit lots of these photos, oh no! Speedy little something for my 95(?) year old *granny’s birthday - *She rented a house to my parents in prehistoric times, and pseudo-adopted my mom, bro and I. Odd to think we haven’t seen her in-person in centuries due to moves and medical crises on behalf of both parties. Like magic, mail and modern communications! *mortified by my exposed stitching on its back* 4hrs on the first try. Felt Baby duck drafted, buoy bubbles, envelope content hint! Bigger bunch of babies! Because it’s uncanny how many times a small gift seems needed, so stashed some up for their season. 2.5 hrs each Bonnet baby, a brain-vacation creation. Hummel figurine & “what style would my mom fancy” inspired. Stashed for Christmas, currently. 6.5hr doll, 7hr outfit. All handsewn. Scribble edits for dear decency! *the downfalls of dollmaking* Now feeling so silly for realizing center-folding pencil drawn half patterns and running my fingernails along it results in perfectly easy symmetry. If people knew that I cut up zip lock bags for the plastic on these, would it be frowned upon? Homeschool at Harvest- 8x10” -122hrs total, drawing hrs: ? (written down somewhere and I’ve forgotten). Acrylic, colored pencil, pencil, workable fixatif on watercolor paper. For my mom, her 51st birthday. And her first-in-ages birthday of being free! Inspired by her art style…and her giving up her whole entire being to do everything for the family. I learned lapdesk painting! I don’t think I can ever be satisfied with any of my art-always could use just a few more details and I never know when to end! Only spilled my paint jug once and had one weird one-week episode of hyper swollen index finger. Baby fruits & wrappings sponsored by Stuff I Scavenged. Original very rough/scary sketch because planned to paint: And a little flower child for her, too. 4x6(?)” 12hrs. In truth I was quite ashamed of my slow, rough work here, I was having a severe episode of spine pain and was barely able to sit upright to do this. Propped the lapdesk on pillows because I couldn’t look down. Because of those tears and begging my mom to call a doctor, fortunately neurology saw me unplanned the next day, and I got the right referrals at last . Appointments allabout, a bit of a burnout from exhaustion and writing a 60+ page long medical timeline (More specialists at this point than my memory cells!). I actually found a forgotten, very important note from my allergist (who I owe my life to, as he diagnosed me with Alpha-Gal initially) last year about steps after the Celiac disease debacle was ruled out! Which means back to endocrinology again for Carcinoid/Neuroendocrine tumor evaluation/hunt… just like nearly 3 years ago when I asked for that referral myself for that highly suspect/fitting thing, after turning scientific papers and DDXs inside out trying to survive. It’s the only thing I’ve found that could explain the idiopathic anaphylaxis that worsens and is actually triggered by epinephrine. Even the new dental Epi reactions. Countless matches. That’s why endocrine did the PET scan in 2021, because they did later find high pancreatic polypeptide in my blood. But then the tTG/celiac elevation threw the Duke doctors into the clear error of Celiac. So close now, narrowing it down at least! And the doctors are listening at last. Grateful to say I also had a surprise genetics cancellation last Wednesday! It was initially in late August and I questioned if I could make it. Apparently this clinic orders their tests through the Invitae site which surprised me. Wonder if we’ll ever figure out why my blood type is “impossible”/wrong based on my parent’s types? (Yes, my exdad is sadly my true biological father. B+ plus O+ equals me, the A+ mutant. Bro is afraid of the needlestab so doesn’t know his type.) . First experience with sample collection from mouth swab instead of blood draw. Duke draws dozens of vials. I tried to eat a few days ago after nothing for four extra nausea weeks. Ow. Brain badly wants food but the body rejects. I’m quite bad at this Human thing, I’m afraid. My vitamin B12 is now skyrocketing without any supplements & inadequate nutrition, so yay for more clues. And the cardiac MRI the other day saw that my GI arteries were “crimped”. Surprising that it even visualized so low. I now need a repeat ultrasound of that situation apparently the next appointment slot is next month. Always pleasantly surprised when unexpected answers arrive! And glad that repeatedly falling asleep (while headphone hearing PTX Christmas songs) in the MRI tunnel (when I was supposed to be holding my breath) didn’t ruin the imaging! Wish I could post the other mombirthday gifts and cake, but waiting as it reveals the renovated/decorated room, and I am unsure of whether the parent legal stuff is fully signed yet, so staying on the safe side (..and the restraining order + law enforcement custody of the weapons runs out tomorrow as well.) Meanwhile, baby walnut waffs: And a neighbor from our old life visited, I got very much excited and made a little party feast. Flaky pastry cheddar drenched baby quiches, roasted sweet potatoes, flatbread chips and cream cheese Italian dip, and a colony of cookies! Lemon oatmeal + ginger crisps. my enthusiasm always outweighs my judgment…crash, cripple, crawl up, continue! Very grateful my mom has for many years let me cook all the things. So therapeutic. Trying to learn better wheelchair setup methods & recipes now. I don’t really know what typical North Americans enjoy eating due to my hectic health and food allergy history. I need to study the eating habits of humans further. *Run-on sentence timeline* Gluten & dairy free (non celiac, my mom thought it may help) for 2 years, then peanut free also (with negative peanut bloodwork, skin prick & assurances from allergist… then I almost suffocated in a six hour long anaphylactic reaction.. 30 minutes post- peanut ingestion) we resumed dairy, 1 more year passed then my mom started gluten again but only fermented/sourdough, 2.5 years passed and then I got Alpha-Gal tick bite mammalian product allergy-and as a biproduct I alone became gluten free again due to cross contamination (and only could eat around 10-15 raw ingredients. Made myself coconut milk from hull-on raw coconuts, ground raw rice for “flour” through a coffee grinder. ) 2.5 years passed then I had outgrown both peanut and Alpha-Gal allergy and had negative labs, then about 2.5-3 years of getting to eat anything, then 2020 brought worsening illness with the whole “body rejecting all food, inability to digest, GI telescoping, bleeding intestines , SIBO, transient gastroparesis, idiopathic anaphylaxis and no hunger” era that I’m still in. So grateful I can touch/cook all the foods safely now! Oh my gosh, glutenous flour is baking dream. Also so nice to not need to basically bolt mid-recipe when an angry/hungry person terrifyingly invades the personal space. A lot of years of that. And having the foods I was severely (even airborne) allergic to grabbed/waved over my head and the allergen-free foods/kitchen space. Trying not to be terrified of being in the kitchen with others. Or apologize excessively for being in the room. Or being afraid of cooking for others because of a very…selective? eater. I’m not as scared to bake for people as sugary stuffs were never rejected so much. Progress! It’s unimaginably peaceful and safefeeling to exist now. Freshly learned a more comfy foot free sewing setup. My lapdesk has adjusty legs. Now I can use the wall as a back support and stretch out the legs and sew with nearly zero body movement! (Photo 2 is leather patcher feeling aptly neglected.) I’d been longing to make a leather bag and wallet for my mom for ages now. The opportunity arrived at the acquisition of a generous octogenarian’s leather jacket + some old blue swatches I had from a local market. Lining doesn’t match so well but it’s my mom’s favorite color and what I had. Kind of dubbing this a “flop” because imperfections, some of which were from limited materials. Wow, these photos are dark, apologies Leather patcher was too difficult for me to operate when this tired, and the leather was just thin enough to machine sew with an 18 needle. Basting because slippy. Hammerable leather tape to stick together prior to sewing. Used to press open seams on bag as well. Tis a bit challenging as the needle will gum up and jam if it punctures the tape. No energy to tangle with leather patcher and crying from spine pain, so I fashioned a makeshift mini awl from exacto knife & needle for pre punching hand sewing holes. Hands were too weak to saddlestitch so I ran two lines of running stitches along it, and sewed decor embroidery to hide any messy stitches. Hand punched and sewn blanket stitching on bag top as it was too thick for regular machine there. Fun thing about leather is getting to hammer it instead of ironing as you would with fabric. Very blessed to be surrounded by people who do not hear or care if I’m hammering at 1-4 am. 18hrs on wallet, 13hrs on bag. Slow..but I get there! Grandchild of the lapdesk giver. No online image is 100% safe from my reference craving clutches…if either public domain or justified theft for art gifts… 8x10”, 8.5hrs. Pencil, mechanical pencil + workable fixative. Same size and supplies, 23hrs this time. My bro! Slow + scratchy, done post-party cooking crash. Loved a good leafpile. forgot to crop this, oops! Fauna frolics at the forest fairy farmhouse: (May contain fragments of broken English FB broadcast-bother to a brother) • 13+ baby bears ruling the kingdom, many about about the leaning green barn: My mom is officially car chauffeuring caught groundhogs. And perhaps future-abandoning that method as they’ve figured out how to unlock the cage. Seducing them with strawberries! And cantaloupe rinds, wholesome fare for the adorable masterminds. Many mountainfolk here call them "whistle pigs” and eat their meat..we’ve opted to instead set ours free. The only form of whole animal cleaning I’ve done is baby octopus (for Takoyaki). •Danger noodles are in no short supply: A mirthful neighbor even stopped to observe the dark character’s inexplicable reserve during its bath. •Something was chirping melodiously in our chimney. •The wacky window woodpecker: I hit the bay window 12 ft from me, screaming and beating its wings on it again ….and I might have screamed too. Love these children. Need to make more fashions for them. Made a big ridiculous thing for them a few days ago. Soon to picture that happymess. Bandana bibs may have once been made for doggy stroller walk wear. Better backlog the new, never know how many or few. May your day be easy peasy, if you so please! Thanks again for dropping in! (Also, sorry for nonsensical notes as is my normal now!) ( & for some reason it's throwing dupe images down here and I don't know how I managed to break my blog...my apologies..)- 1 comment
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Snow Angel Shroom, the Graphite Garden Bloom Resumes
Mushy the Mushroom posted a blog entry in Adventures in Mushroomlandia
…Salutations, sitefolk! Below is an essentially unedited (aside from forgotten fobs and photographs) Saturday write that was delayed due to a hectic hospital health fright the same night. I beg pardon for this whole nonsensical note. Numb, mumbling meager sentences, but I am mostly the master of my own muscles once more! Beyond brilliant to be back! (Also I forgot How To Blog and realized these images may be offensively oversized? I ordinarily email them to myself to auto-resize, my brain is fried. And I assembled it in Docs and plopped it over here..Will fix it if it is problematic! I absolutely should not be online in this condition and am struggling to speak in full sentences.) A cautionary cue: The following content contains more than traces of cognitive impairment. And cortisol. I relate to Oxley from Indiana Jones, incoherently rambling over his wall drawings with the utmost deranged zeal at this point. I must apologize for your eyes. Some pencil drawings….that I’m not particularly proud of. Out-of-practice and trying to relearn/draw during weird new weakness episodes. Wheelchairs are wonderful, as is being able to use mine on these floors now, basically bedridden without it now. Owl as my brother’s gift. Started doing 8x10’s (my scanner is small) and sealing them with Art fixatif pre-scan. And my brother (as a baby) for my mother’s gift! 3x5”?/standard small print photo size . And my mother, I never thought to draw her before! 8x10” At Duke Chapel during a doctor day. Living locally we’d never been, but I guess moving made it more of an event? Little bun’ for fun. 4x6”. Thank you cards too! This one was for a salt-block rock lamp starring itself in felt because… uncreative! And hook-handle bags, a refresher in cotton construction. When the mind finds a fish out of fabric. Oh, and small squiddy embroidery decor for my bro. Absolute spontaneity, as the stitching may reveal to thee! A glow and a gleam of seams, gold threads fit for a dainty dryad! A bare-bones with a bear stop motion attempt. No interesting bits but a vivacious brain vacation. Feathers of fur, a wee winter outfit for her. But perhaps if the season does lapse, immortalized ice queen to dance in a dream. Not nearly so nightly as the Narnian nightmare, I daresay. Harp and harmonious hums so heavenly. A little locket, my people in a pocket! I longed for one but never out loud. Lo and behold, an acquaintance of my mother bestowed this trinket gold. Balloon snowballs, fur for wings and flooring from an old dancing Santa decoration’s coat. Blanket stitch bead border, braided embroidery threads straps. . Gold lame from my mom's prom dress, that became my random gut-and-patch-together dress (Long ago! I added about 3” length from another scrap to it after this picture. This fabric was an unraveling atrocity hahaha) and I still had some left. The problem with “fancy” human clothes is never using them because being at home. And home is the dreamland of deconstructing old things, crawl mopping (It’s easier!), delicious messes, and many a graphite demise of a good garment. But the toys are tidy. The idea of pinafores delights me. I hope to try this because why not create one’s own fairytale reality? Concept art carried upon perhaps the smollest stack of sticky’s. Online ordering and the adorable Alice-in-Wonderlandian accidents! Lace and ceramic church from my late grandma's basement. A distant cousin's social media post was how I discovered this, as a freak instinct to check Facebook that day swept over me. I'm sorry for them, for me it was not soaking in. My sensible sibling was stalling on calling. The last time I saw her was in court. The first I was in the wheelchair in her presence. I couldn't speak to her. On some shelf in the back of my mind, I ponder if the family-fall-apart cut short her time. I am grateful to have visited her and that pleasant peachtree place for the last time in 2019. The distance, health deterioration, long hospitalization and high risk of food allergy shock locked us out of her life. She taught me a lot in spite of it, and I hope to see her again without the weight of the world's burdens. *Old-art oh-no* Then our pug, aged 14 died within the following two weeks, and my ENT surgery crescendo couch ridden comatose was sandwiched in between. Pug was a parking lot pup my family scooped up, seemingly a holiday-gift stray. With our band of misfits he nicely fit! I don't think the drywall dust was good for his lungs given his trachea issues, but nothing could be done. I didn't have a mask either, but there are so many things one only must do once. Like that not-so-long-ago midnight-thirty mess. My mom came home horrified from work to find me collapsed in a cloud of drywall dust with my electric sander in hand, too weak to stand up. At the base of a six foot ladder with smothered smoke alarms sounding off . Sometimes I just have to laugh at the horror..and sleep on the floor because insufficient energy to shower. But that carpentry chapter is over! I couldn't cry over the departures though, a perplexing personal paralysis that began years ago. To mechanically throw the bad feelings out the window. At Thanksgiving I feasted on tears. All of them, all day, somehow triggered by the parade? Life has been better since, as though reality is balanced. That perfect pendulum inevitably must rise and fall even if it feels like you've lost it all. An avalanche of uplifting events are occurring, but it’s still too rushed. So hard to hush! In the midst of this, my medical madness has merged into multiple diagnoses. Two years of major tests later, grateful to be getting a grasp. 2022 was a tad like tumbling down the rabbit hole to arrive at a better end. Convalescence in every sense? 2023 has started with a deep and proper happy for me, and I wish the genuine same for any reader who came! *ignores pile of unedited artthings, drags out old photo of baby ducks instead* *Imaginary effect of the Maytime Muscovy coos of my cherished children*-
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