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  1. Whoever wanted Matau's versions of events from Mystery of Metru Nui up through the beginning of Web of Shadows, I gotchu. Did I mention it's smooshed into the rough syllable-template of We Didn't Start the Fire? here goes nothing. [intro] [verse 1] Toa Lhikan, Toa-zapped, now we’re tall, Vahki-slap! Kanoka-hunt with water-sisters, running from Bordakh! Orkahm hates me, that’s okay, no different from another day Need that disk, I love the risk, but wish my mask would glow! Chute dare-diving, force-sphere, Toa-hero knows no fear! Got the disk, I almost died, left Nokama wide-eyed. Reunited, go team! Time to kill the plant thing Who takes lead, we can’t decide! Vakama thinks he’s wise, guys. [chorus] Vakama started the fire His visions were concerning Saw the city burning Vakama started the fire I don’t think I like him But I can’t just fight him [verse 2] On our way to Coliseum, use the disks to flex on Dume Matoran panic, intercept us, now we’re underground Tunnels full of yuck-dark, put up with Whenua-snark Team in-fighting, shape-shift, Nokama saves the day! Back to Coliseum now, but we couldn’t wow the crowd Actually, the opposite, Dume thought we were full of it Half of us are on the run, others now in prison Pincher-face gave us chase, talking Kikanalo! [chorus] Vakama started the fire His visions were concerning Now the city’s burning Vakama started the fire I don’t think I like him But I can’t just fight him [verse 3] Back together, coma-spheres, Turaga Lhikan, Lohrak Mask powers, Vahki hive, attempt romantic ride-drive Shadow threatens city’s heart, fake Dume, trouble brews City gathers, we’re too late, the Makuta in disguise! Mask of Time, sketchy boat, Nidhiki-Krekka-Nivawk-meal Lhikan dies, Vakama cries, then we make a Toa-seal Tunnel voyage, don’t go left! Mavrah should have let us go Water monsters, Krahli, no one misses Ahkmou [chorus] Vakama started the fire Though the city’s burning He says we’re returning Vakama started the fire No, I still don’t like him But it’s hard to spite him [verse 4] Island-home, Toa-stones, vines are way too overgrown Kinda lost, don’t know how, I guess this is my life now. Into tunnels one more time, adventures really start to rhyme Rahi says to turn back, warns us about Visorak Monster Rahi, Kratana, talking plant is back again Nokama down, silver pool, plant turns out to be a fool [chorus] Vakama started the fire Though the city’s burning He says we’re returning Vakama started the fire No, I still don’t like him But it’s hard to spite him [verse 5] Metru Nui, overrun, what on earth have we done? Went in overconfident, lots of yelling, arguments Walked right into Toa-trap, ended up in spider-wrap Ugly now, hysteria, some arachnophobia Norik says keep hope, gotta learn how to cope Don’t throw blame, don’t call names, don't Hordika body shame Tempers flared up anyway, said some things I shouldn’t say Haven’t seen Vakama since, hear he’s now the spider prince [chorus] Vakama started the fire Though he wasn’t discerning We were all just learning Vakama started the fire With all the strife we gave him Think we have to save him... (Billy Joel, We Didn't Start the Fire, and screenshots from Bionicle: Legends of Metru Nui) (inspired partially by this comic, which I love, by HidronNuva and the respective renditions of the song by Leslie Knope and Dwight K. Schrute, among other things) (This ended on a sadder note than intended, but I ran out of lyrics to parody.)
  2. So, I was browsing through my elaborate hierarchy of folders on some kind of digital nostalgia kick when I found this thing lying mostly finished in an ancient bunch of song parodies and decided to finish and post it. I think we'll go with a little Bohemian Rhapsody, gentlemen?Bionicle Rhapsody Is this the real life?Or false autonomyOn this robot's faceCombating infected RahiCanisters flyRight out of the sky and landThey are the Toa (Toa)They're here to lend a handBecause they rule fire, control snowCommand water, work with stoneAny way the wind blowsSeems a little earthy to me, to meMakuta lives undergroundWith some giant crabs on treadsSends out Rahi, instills dreadMakuta, this is just no funYou’re trying to oppress us every dayMakuta, you cruel dudeWe have every single maskWe’re gonna bust your crabs and teach you mannersKeep calm and carry on, while we bring down your fortress Hey guys, he is the thingWe have sworn to protectIs this a trick, what the heckOkay, that’s much betterNow he's a voidLet's blast him with all of our elementsMakuta, oooooooh (tentacles are creepy)Doesn't want to dieAnd his lair plays awesome fight music tooI see a little silhouetto of a cubeBahrag Queens, Bahrag Queens, will you do the Fandango?Bohrok swarms and Rahkshi, very, very naughty—Ni!(Takanuva) Takanuva (Takanuva) Takanuva, Takanuva Toa o' LightFlash back in ti-i-i-imeI'm from Ta-Metru, nobody loves meHere, have a Toa Stone, doom this whole citySpare the Matoran from this atrocityGot this mask, need to go, will they let me go?Visorak! No, they will not let you goLet him goPiraka! They will not let you goLet him goBarraki! Their squids won't let you goLet me go (Squids won't let you go)Let me go (Squids won't let you go)Never never let me go, o, o, o, oNo, no, no, no, no, no, no(Oh the Ignika, the Ignika) The Ignika's going madRemember Matoro made this sacrifice for you, for you, for youuu!So they say that we have some Matoran of LightSo they say Mata-Nui essentially diedOh, Antroz, why'd you steal my JetraxJust gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here(Oooh yeah, Oooh yeah) Here on Bara MagnaWe’ve got lots of sandHere on Bara MagnaNothing really matters to meBionicle is over...
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