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Lord Frezon

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Well, here's another comedy. enjoy.

Here’s the explanation. My favorite book is DUNE, by Frank Herbert. So naturally, I need to make Dune bioniclized. So I did. If you have read the book, you will love this comedy. If you haven’t read the book, you’ll still love the comedy, but you should read the book anyway because it’s awesome. This comedy is an alternate universe of the Bionicle news universe. So, all the news characters will be popping up. Also, I am going to do something amazing. Do you like script? We have it here. Do you like prose? It’s here too! Do you like prose/script? Have fun in paradise! Now to the comedy...

AN(announcer): you’ve got to be kidding me.

PR(producer): what?

CM(cameraman): apparently we have to make a spoof of Frezon’s favorite book, Dune.

Solek: that’s stupid. How many people have actually read Dune?

Carapar: ME!!!!! I love Dune too Frezon!

Hammox: yeah sure. (Under breath) Suck up.

Carapar: I heard that.

Osram: he knows. Thats the only reason he said it.

Ehlek: yeah. So, are we going to make the spoof?

Kirop: yep. Otherwise our lives have no meaning in this comedy.

SL (shadow leech):

kirop, your life doesn’t have any meaning.

Weapon: (destroys something) Dune? A great book. Can I be Stilgar?

Solek: who the heck is he?

Carapar: he’s the leader of a great tribe of warrior peoples.

PR: (eyes weapon’ blades, armor, and blasters) sure weapon. You can be Stilgar.

Carapar: I want to be Muad’Dib!!!! MEMEME!!!!

CM: we need some kind of tryouts. *tryouts*

Solek: cool. So, are there any kings in this book?

Hammox: (reading Dune) no, but there’s a duke.

Solek: sweet. That’s me. And my bride is Gavla.

Gavla: sigh. I love you Solek.

Hammox: (reading more of dune) uhoh Solek. Apparently the duke dies in the beginning of the book.

Solek: WHAT!?!?! I’m out.

AN: too late. I signed you up. *tons of Bionicles rush in*

Gorast: I heard you were doing a spoof of dune.

Osram: yes. We're doing a spoof.

Gorast: then I want to be the Reverend mother mohaim. I have my own gom jabbar. (Shows stinger)

*on bzpower, in comedies forum*

Member63549: I have no idea what’s happening. I never read dune!

Member3425: patience. He’ll explain.

PR: quick! We’re losing viewers.

Helrynx: okay. (Throws pie at Mutran)

Mutran: ow. (Eats cheese)

AN: that’s it! You too are both in this thing! That should be enough punishment.

Helrynx: but- AN: No buts. You said a bad joke, so now you pay. *after interviews*

Carapar: yay! Now let’s start the show. (Watch beeps) oops. Time for my date!

-Commercial break-

Stay tuned for the show that’s replacing Bionicle dune- The Kra-matoran kronicles! Starring all the shadow matoran-

PR: HEY!!! Carapar, can you make anything more original?

-CHAPTER break-

If you actually read dune here are the characters. Solek=duke leto Hammox=feyd ruatha Carapar=Paul Bohrok=saudakar Gavla=Jessica Cahdok=Emperor SL=hawat Gahdok= princess Osram=gurney random toa= fremen Helrynx=chani Ehlek= baron harkonnen Mega kraata= sand worms Mutran=kynes Weapon=Stilgar Takadox= Piter Kirop= duncan idaho

Edited by Lord Frezon

No one can prove it was me.

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Chapter 1

AN: okay, our script format won’t work for this comedy.

“How about this?” asked Carapar.  AN was stunned.  Yet another revelation of Carapar’s ultimate power.   “Okay,” Said PR, “Now for chapter 1.”

Chapter 1

In the days before something that-

“CUT!” screamed PR, for the first (but not the last) time, “This makes no sense.  Jump to the part where Carapar is sleeping.  And make what I say in script.”

Carapar: fine.  Meany.

Carapar was sleeping.  Obviously.  Or was he?  No.  He wasn’t.  He was pretending to sleep so he could listen to this UGLY chick talk to his mom.  The UGLY chick was known as Reverend Madre Gorast, and his mom was Lady Gavla.  Anyway, family history aside-

PR: CUT!!!!!!!!!  Carapar, are you writing this?

Carapar: maybe.

PR: well stop.  You’re ruining the story, and the story didn’t need much to be ruined.

Weapon: I didn’t hear you. (Sharpens dagger) Say that again.

AN: No.  Continue the story.

Gorast spoke in a deep, grating voice.  “He’s pretty small, Gavla.”  Gavla looked at her 2 ton son, covered in armor, weapons, kanohi, and krana, and figured that Gorast had been drinking Energized proto again.  So she figured that sucking up was in order.  “Yes reverend.  You truly have the gift of sight.”  Gorast nodded.  “He’s awake too.”  Once again, Gavla looked in to the red eyes of her son, sitting on the bed and staring at them, and as the saying goes, “Carapar does not sleep, he-

PR: Oh my gosh, CUT!!!!!!!!  Carapar!  Stop making yourself look cool in this comedy!

Carapar: make me. (Clicks claws threateningly)

Osram: stop the talk.  Get working so I can be in this story.

Hammox: yeah, me too.

Anyway, Gavla decided to suck up some more.  “Amazing reverend, you truly can see all.”  Gorast nodded again.  “Sleep well Cerper.  Tomorrow you meet Mr. Stinger.”  Carapar watched as his mom and Gorast left his room, and stared as Gavla made cuckoo gestures at Gorast.  Carapar lied down, wondering why they were moving, why Gorast was here, why- suddenly, all this wondering shorted our Carapar’s brain, and he passed out.

PR: ENOUGH!!!!!  That’s enough for today.

Solek: yeah.  I didn’t even show up!

-Chapter end-

Will Carapar wake up?

What is Gorast doing?

Who else will complain?

Find out in chapter 2 of.... Dunonicle...

Edited by Lord Frezon

No one can prove it was me.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 6 years later...

Chapta 2

Carapar woke up, with a massive headache, possibly form the thinking.  He went downstairs in his giant mansion, and saw his mom making shadow leech tea.  This was for 2 reasons.  1, it was really tasty, and 2, it annoyed the heck out of their chief spy, SL.

SL: You got that right.  Stop boiling my brothers!

PR: SHUT UP LEECH!!!!!  Seriously, I don’t know why Frezon hasn’t fired you yet.

Frezon: Because he’s hilarious.  Continue.

Anyway, Carapar noticed that his mom kept glancing out of the kitchen. Carapar asked, “What’s wrong?”  Gavla sighed, and said, “Oh, nothing.  Just go into the living room.”  Carapar did, and saw Gorast lying on the floor, surrounded by Energized proto bottles.  Gorast grunted, then saw Carapar and said, “Hey.”  Carapar looked at her as she sat up, pretty sure she was a little loopy, to say the least.  Gorast said to Carapar, “put your hand in this,” and picked up a box.  Carapar looked inside, and saw that inside were blades, saws, and flamethrowers.  Carapar snorted and said, “Really lady, are you completely out of your gourd?”  As Gorast came out of her squash, “there is no way I’m putting my hand in that.”  Then Gorast looked at Carapar and said in a hypnotic voice “put your hand in.  Woooooooo..... Woooooooooo...”  Although Carapar could have just used his massive mind-

PR: CUT!!!!  Carapar, you don’t have a mind.

Carapar: I don’t?

AN: No.  You’re stupid.

Solek: Don’t say that to my son!  Continue the story.

Anyway, Carapar put his hand in the box.  Immediately, he felt a tingling sensation that relaxed him and felt quite nice.  Apparently, this was supposed to hurt, but Carapar’s enhanced body felt no pain.  He decided to moan a little for dramatic effect.  Gorast turned off the box and said, “Wow.  That was supposed to kill you.  Good job.”   Then Gavla walked in.  she saw that her son was still alive!  Obviously, seeing as he was a hulking mass of muscle that when he did a pushup, he pushed the universe down, not-

PR: CUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Stop the Chuck Norris references!

Gorast said, “Carapar, we bean goats-”  “Bene Gesserit” Whispered Gavla, “Yes, beanie yogurts are looking for the cracker head-” said Gorast before Gavla corrected her “Kwisatz Haderach.”  Sometimes her boss was so weird.   “Yeah, that.  We think you might be him.  If you are, you will be able to CONTROL THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!  Now go away.”  Gorast then passed out on again, as Gavla escorted Carapar from the room.

PR: That’s it.  Hammox, Ehlek get ready for the next scene, and can somebody find a Piter de Vries?

-Chapter end-

What will happen next?  Who is Piter?  Who cares?

Find out next time in....... Dunonicle.

Chapter 3

Everything was dark, people were screaming, and fireballs were raining from the heavens.  Suddenly, a light turned on.  Just another regular day on Geidi Prime Nui.  Ehlek, Hammox, and Takadox were sitting around a table.  Takadox and Hammox were really bored, and Ehlek was looking at a globe made of cheap materials like cardboard, glue stick, Popsicle sticks, and string.  “Look at it boys, isn’t it pretty?” asked Ehlek, looking at the globe lovingly.  Takadox sighed, “Pretty, no.  It’s Dunonicle, the harshest desert-.”   “Dessert?” interrupted Hammox, always hungry for more candy. “No, DESERT,” Corrected Takadox, “Although it does have some nice EP, which people use as dessert.”  “And we control it, right?” asked Hammox.   Takadox corrected him again, saying, “No, we used to control it.  But your uncle plays poker with Duke Solek, and they both drank a lot of EP, and your uncle bet the planet and lost.”  Ehlek started to get mad and said, “You won’t like me when I’m angry,” and started to turn green.

PR: CUT!!!!!!  Ehlek is already green.  And why did you hire Takadox?

Osram: He was free.  He just wanted to be in a movie.

AN: restart this thing so we can get it over with.

Anyway, Ehlek pressed a button and Takadox’s shock collar zapped him.  “Silence fool!” yelled Ehlek “Tell my handsome nephew Hammox (although not as handsome as myself)” “HANDSOME?!?!?” Yelled Ehlek’s other nephew Kalmah, “You are a fat, mutated-” so Ehlek turned on his shock collar as well.  “Quiet.  Now, Takadox, tell Hammox the rest of my genius plan.”  Takadox sighed “anyway, we will hassle Duke Solek for a while, and we will make an attempt to kill Carapar.  Obviously, it will fail, as Carapar is so amazing he CAN believe it’s not-

PR: CUUUUTTTTT!!!!!!!   Why do you people have to praise Carapar EVERY 5 SECONDS?!?!?!?

Carapar: cause I’m amazing.  Continue the story.

Takadox spoke again, “yeah.  Anyway, we won’t kill Carapar.  Then there will be some revolts, a couple equipment malfunctions, but then.... OUR TRAITOR WILL STRIKE!!”  “Who’s the traitor?” asked Hammox.  “We can’t say!” barked Ehlek, who was eating something, “it would completely ruin the dramatic tension of the story!”  Takadox continued “Then our REAL army will be flown in, accompanied by imperial sarda- I mean bohrok.”  Hammox was gaping in shock at the great magnitude of the amazing plan worthy of Carapar.  “So then we’ll control Duneonicle again, right?” he said, to which Ehlek replied evilly’ “Yes, yes we will. MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!”

*dramatic music plays*

PR: thank Mata Nui.  Next up, get ready SL and Osram.  You two are up.

SL: Yayz!

-Chapter end-

What will Osram’s character be?

Will Ehlek’s plan work?


Find out next time in....... Duneonicle.

Chapter 4

It was Carapar’s last day in his castle on uhhhhhh….. Caladan nui (I deny it all).  Naturally, he would spend the day fighting.  But before he could fight he had to READ!!!!!!  Not even a picture book, but a WORD BOOK!!!!  Drooling, foaming at the mouth, and twitching, Carapar passed out.  Luckily for him, his chief spy SL and battle planner Osram came in at a very convenient time, and revived him.  Angry, Carapar kicked the book so hard it went back in time and caused the great cata-

PR: CUT!!!!!!  Seriously, will you people STOP THE CHUCK NORRIS REFERENCES!?!?!?

SL: (On computer, whispering to Carapar) when Carapar donates blood, he uses a cordak blaster and a bucket.

Osram: Oh, pipe down.  Get back to the story. 

Anyway, SL yelled at Carapar, saying, “Fool!  You were reading with your back to a door.” Carapar scoffed and said, “I wasn’t reading, I was pretending to read in order to surprise you.  Then I pretended to faint.”  SL considered this and said, “With your mother training you, you could be telling the truth.”  Osram rolled his eyes, and said, “Okay, crab boy, are you ready to fight me, an old man?” Carapar went into his closet, dug around through his costumes, and came out wearing a Carapar mask, and said, “GET IT ON, OSRAM!!!!”

Now, one would expect Carapar to immediately delete Osram from existence.  However, Osram wore a shield, which prevented fast attacks from hitting him.  Even with the shield, it took 4.6 seconds for Carapar to beat Osram into orange juice pulp.  Disgusted, Osram yelled,”4.6 seconds?!?!?  Normally, it takes 4.5.”  Carapar said, “Hey, I wanted to cut an old man some slack.” “Well don’t!” yelled Osram.  “Now guard yourself for real!” Osram rose, and pulled out a bigger sword, and started to attack Carapar.  Now, Carapar would normally just destroy any challenger with rage, but the story said that he had to let Osram win for a little-

PR: CUT!!!!!  

SORRY!!!  Jeez, what’s that guy’s problem?  Anyway, Carapar saw Osram charge at him with a big sword and a knife.  He “thought” Osram wouldn’t betray us, would he?  Fighting, Carapar grabbed a knife and put it to Osram’s neck, saying, “You want to die, Foo?”  Osram said to him, “Look down.”  Carapar did, and saw Osram holding a giant axe to his stomach.  Osram giggled strangely, and said, “We have joined each other in death.  But you fought better when you were in the mood, didn’t you?”  Carapar nodded, quite confused as to what had just happened.  Several awkward minutes passed, and the Carapar remembered what to say.  He looked at Osram’s pink tie, given to him when he was a slave for the evil House Barrakonon.  Carapar realized that Osram could never betray them, for he hated the Barraki too much.  He then turned around and begun to demolish some training dummies.

PR: And that’s a wrap people.  Take five days.  I really don’t want to see you people for a while.

-Chapter end-

Will we ever get to Dunonicle?

Will we ever have Carapar kill some Barraki?

What will happen in the next chapter?

Find out next time on…. Dunonicle……………………………..

AN: that’s way too many periods.

Chapter $5$

So Carapar was playing rock paper scissors against himself and winning every time when Dr. Mutran moonwalked into the room.  Dr. Mutran was a recent addition to the household, and had been hired to repair the grievous wounds given by Carapar to all of his training opponents.  Unfortunately for Mutran, because of his bizarre training rituals, he was unable to hurt people, meaning he was normally the one who was hurt because of his unwillingness to fight back.  Poor guy.

So Mutran walked in and pulled out a boom box, which blared out AC/DC on full blast wh-

PR: CUT!!!! 

AN: Actually, that’s in the script we were given.

PR: Oh.  Well, carry on.

-ile he began to teach Carapar about Dunonicle.  “On the world we are about to go to, there are gigantic Kraata which ooze over the ground.  If you see one, it will eat you.  If you are driving a tank, it will eat you.  If you are anything smaller than an aircraft carrier, it will eat you.  Also, there are copious amounts of random toa that live in the desert. 

“Dessert?” Interrupted Carapar, always interested in ice cream. 

“No, DESERT, as in a dry sandy place with no water.  Anyway, if you meet them, they will kill you and eat you.”

“HEY!” Screamed Weapon, “That’s slander.  We only drink out your fluids like a spider.”

PR: CUT!  Weapon, you show up in like 500 chapters from now.

Hammox: Oh, and the only thing you can do is whine about it?  Suck it up.

PR: You’re fired.  Someone, find a new Feyd.  Continue.

Right.  Anyway, Mutran then went into his backpack and pulled out an old copy of Da Book O’ Stuff, which listed the greatness of Mata Nui and other things that really don’t matter right now but will become essential when Carapar begins his conquest of th-

Random reader: Hey!  No spoilers.

Jeez sorry.  What, do you think we even carte about the readers at this point?  I mean, only two people are reading this right now and they’re both admins looking for stuff that would allow them to ban Frezon an-


Alright, fine.  Anyway, Mutran gave Da Book to Carapar.  “This was given to me when I was your age.  It’s relly old, so don’t break it” as Carapar ripped out a page.  “Yeah….  Ok, to open it, you press the side of the book because we say screw logic in this world.”

“Cool,” said Carapar,  picking it up.  “well, sounds good dr.  now its time for me to teach you…”

Dr. Mutran sighed, and put on his padded armor.

*chapter end*

AN: Thank the lord.  Let’s get out of here, I have stuff to do.

Is Dunonicle really that bad?

Who is the traitor?

What is the cube root of pie?

Stay tuned and find out in…  Dunonicle…..

No one can prove it was me.

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