The Official RPG Planning Topic

[SnowyAegis]

Perhaps instead of a proper draw(which, in a war like that, would just lead to bloody stalemate), it was an agreed ceasefire. Perhaps the Natives were winning through attrition, but both knew neither of them were getting out of the war without some serious wounds and perhaps whoever did win wouldn't have the numbers to survive. As such, they would agree to stop the war, but since they had been winning, the Natives held a bit more power and used that to their advantage.

 

Just a suggestion.

[Click]

Perhaps instead of a proper draw(which, in a war like that, would just lead to bloody stalemate), it was an agreed ceasefire. Perhaps the Natives were winning through attrition, but both knew neither of them were getting out of the war without some serious wounds and perhaps whoever did win wouldn't have the numbers to survive. As such, they would agree to stop the war, but since they had been winning, the Natives held a bit more power and used that to their advantage.

 

Just a suggestion.

 

Yeah, something like that.

 

 

For those of you who like reading, I put together a blog entry that's effectively a text version of the chart I linked earlier with more explanation into the elements and process of specialization as I see it. If anything, it probably makes this mess harder to understand.

[SnowyAegis]

So I had a funny idea for an RPG. No real plot yet, aside from 'Weird virus strikes X place' and a couple other things, but I'll explain that further down.

 

One of the main mechanics is said Virus, which is just referred to as such. A Matoran, Turaga or Toa who is not infected possesses all their regular abilities. Elemental resistances, mask powers and so forth. I also had the idea that Matoran could use Kanohi, but the effect was considerably weak, weaker than a Noble(IE a Hau wouldn't be able to take more than a couple hits before shutting off).

However, for those that were infected with the Virus, things change. Element-related abilities, access to Kanohi and so forth all vanish, and in many cases, some physical abilities are weakened too. However, one or more of an Infected's physical abilities are drastically enhanced beyond normal means, well beyond what the uninfected can normally do. As an addition, depending on their Element an Infected has access to an ability to aid them. Interestingly, Matoran end up with the weakest physical abilities, but the strongest Infected powers, while the Toa are vice-versa.

 

This may just sound like some spooky stuff as is, but here's the kicker. Or, it's meant to be the kicker. Wether or not you think it is the kicker is up to you: The longer an individual remains Infected, the weaker their mental state grows, until the Infection fully claims them and they go permanently insane. However, if an Infected infects an uninfected individual, this reverses a bit. This forces an Infected to try and infect others if they wish to remain sane. I haven't fully figured out what happens if a character goes full loco, but right now it's 'Character is functionally dead'. As an added note, the Infection makes them subconsciously aware of this.

 

However, the uninfected have been working hard, and a cure for the Infection does exist. This cure possesses a 50% success rate. If a cure recipient falls within the other 50%, their sanity is weakened as the Infection in them is angered but weakened, and nothing else. If they fall within this number, they cannot get a second dose. Also, the cure is only made in occasional batches of 3 to 5, because it is incredibly difficult and time-consuming to make.

 

Tech hasn't been fully decided. It's either the normally used tech level, but the original image is 'early firearms do exist, with some modifications, but have their downfalls'.

 

Right. Okay, now for some details. Specifically, how the Infection works.

EFFECTS BASED ON SPECIES:

Matoran: Element-based resistance/enhancement vanishes. Weak Kanohi access vanishes. Best physical ability vanishes(IE agility for Le, strength for Po)

Toa: Elemental powers vanish. Kanohi access vanishes. Elemental resistances/enhancements vanish.

Turaga: Access to masks vanishes. Weak elemental abilities vanish.

EFFECTS BASED ON ELEMENT:

Ta: Heat resistance vanishes. Infected Ta-beings possess thermal vision and can control their own body heat. Toa can superheat objects upon contact(and very rapidly, too), but nothing else. Reflexes go up.

Ga: Ability to hold breath for extended periods vanishes. Swimming ability does not. Infected Ga-Beings can turn transparent. The strength of this wanes with movement and requires the user's focus. They can also control the hydration of anything they touch, able to make things wet or hydrated, or render them barren and without a drop of liquid.

Le: Enhanced agility vanishes. Infected Le-Beings can teleport short distances. They can also detect movement of any being within earshot, and can move without making any form of vibration in the ground. Strength goes up.

Po: Enhanced strength vanishes. Infected Po-Beings can move unnaturally fast, the faster people nearing Kakama speeds, and can cling to any stone surface like its the floor. They can also briefly encase themselves in stone for defence, although this negates their speed powers completely, even slowing them down. As said, speed goes up.

Ko: Enhanced cold resistance vanishes. While Infected Ta-Beings can control their own body heat and possess thermal vision, Ko-Beings can control the temperature of the area around them, although this can be intercepted by walls. Ko-Beings can also cover something they touch in ice. Agility goes up.

Onu: Night vision vanishes, but so does weakness to bright light. Infected Onu-Beings possess tremor sense and X-Ray vision, making them excellent trackers. Their vision power can see through solid stone, but makes noise and generates light, hence the tremor sense. Physical speed is unaffected, but mental reflexes are insane.

 

The only semblance of a plot I have is: "Brotherhood accident creates a strange virus, and it is unintentionally unleashed on X place(possibly Metru Nui? Makes sense to me). Knowing no way to stop it, the Brotherhood mostly leaves, although a couple of members stay behind to observe. Before the extent of this Virus is realised, a bit less than half the population is infected. No cure is initially known, and people watch as friends and loved ones slowly turn insane. Knowing infecting others will help them stay sane, the infected begin attacking the healthy population, creating great animosity and then violence towards one another. Meanwhile, a cure is finally discovered, but it's success is not guaranteed, and is also both hazardous and difficult to make."

And this is where the story begins.

 

The only idea for a profile I have is:

Name: (Well, y'know, your name. What you go by)

Species: (Matoran, Turaga or Toa? And what kind? ALSO, preface this with 'Infected' if you are...well, infected.)

Kanohi: (What you got on your face?)

Tools/Abilities: (What weapons or gadgets you got on you? And what can you do?)

Appearance: (What do you look like? Optional, but HIGHLY recommended.)

Personality: (What are you like? Optional)

History: (What did you do leading up to now? Optional. Try to keep it brief.)

 

Thoughts, anyone?

Edited June 1, 2016 by SnowyAegis

[silo]

OK, that's really weird. I actually came up with a very similar idea about a year ago, and I think I may have even posted it in this topic (I'll go back and find it at some point...)

Well, great minds think alike, I guess

Edited June 1, 2016 by The Silent King

[SnowyAegis]

Haha, maybe. I had a similar idea where the virus was a parasite that turned people into fully mechanical androids, but I'm not too sure about that one.

[Endless Sea (Alaki Nuva)]

I'm kinda interested in how the Brotherhood would figure into this story, aside from being the cause.  How public would they be?  How much do they actually care?  Is this before or after they went into open rebellion?

[Timageness]

Finished the first draft of Relentless' opening. Still working on locations, factions, and threats for the majority of the starting areas, among other things.

Just wanted to throw out that it's still in development, despite nearly four months of silence on my end. Feel free to go back and look over some of the stuff I've already posted if you have no idea what I'm even talking about.

[SnowyAegis]

Whoops, forgot I left this here lel.

Anyways, to answer Endless' questions:

A)The Brotherhood largely remains unknown. Their continued presence is suspected, but not fully confirmed.

B)They're interested in how the Virus situation evolves and progresses, but don't really care for Metru Nui's continued wellbeing.

C)All I can say about the timeline is its post-Toa Mangai, pre-Toa Metru. The Virus was released before Lhikan could make the Toa Stones.

[Ghidora131]

Hi everyone.

 

Frontier is still in the works - I haven't had much time to do anything on it because of real-life stuff. As of now, the basic storyline has been written, but no specifications as to the technology, different worlds, or anything else has been constructed. The plot itself is still heavily underdeveloped, and I haven't the time to go too in-depth with it, with two epics I have to manage coming up soon and other such events.

 

So, any help towards that would be heavily appreciated.

[Krayzikk]

The plot itself is still heavily underdeveloped, and I haven't the time to go too in-depth with it, with two epics I have to manage coming up soon and other such events.

 

So, any help towards that would be heavily appreciated.

 

Perhaps it would be better to shelve it, then, until you have the time to devote to working on it? Even if someone helped you to finish the premise, you would still need to be around to run it. Something that would seem a little shaky if time constraints are keeping you from finishing the premise.

[FallenAtlas]

 Fallen City, V0.54

 

 Have at it, pick it apart, lemme know your most honest thoughts. I want no lies, no bush beating, and no hidden comment.

 

 

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

FALLEN CITY

 

“There is no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.” - Unknown

 

“Why do men fight that were born to be brothers?” - Gen. James Longstreet, C.S.A.

 

INTRO:

 

From the writings of Xavis, Metru-Nui Historian:

 

It has been several years now since brother turned against brother, swords were forged, and blood spilled in Metru-Nui. I have been approached by many of my friends, and many more strangers asking me to take down their stories, their lives, so it won't be lost if they don't survive the night.

 

I am hesitant to take their stories, as I fear I would grow emotionally involved in the conflict, and my writings would become biased to one side or another. But in another breath I recognize that there really isn't any true hero in this war. This war was born of greed and envy, a desire to take what belonged to a brother, a sister, a friend, an innocent.

 

But those brothers, those sisters, friends and innocents have changed. The body count grows, the fire burns hotter, and the role of the pacifist has become an increasingly dangerous position to have.

 

This once was a great city, my past writings reflect that. But as this war drags on and on, I fear my writings will only survive to be collected as a warning to future beings. A warning of war, from a fallen city.

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

CURRENT EVENTS/QUESTS/DEATHS:

 

 

INTRO/YOUR ROLE:

 

The role of the Matoran is this role has changed greatly since the outbreak of war several years ago. The once respected Mask Makers now forge instruments of war in their forges. The hardy craftsmen now wield sword and shield instead of pick and hammer. The wise teachers teach their pupils on the weak spots of armor instead of the history of Metru-Nui.

 

The same vibration can be felt throughout the city, the humming beat of war. The rules are simple: Fight or Die. All is permitted except for defeat.

 

Welcome to Fallen City.

 

Metru-Nui, once the most advanced center in the Universe has descended into primitive conflict between the six Metru. At the start of this game, an uneasy peace has fallen over the city, with the expectation of renewal of war hanging heavy in the air.

 

LOCATIONS:

 

Ta-Metru:

 

Once the bustling center of masks and tools, the Metru of Fire has changed their production standards to armor and weapons. Every building that can produce some good is spewing black smoke into the sky, giving Ta-Metru a dirty feel in the air. Most surfaces are darkened, and the once gleaming red towers are now black and ill looking, an analogy for most of the city.

 

The citizens of the Metru are dirty and weary, the long hours at the forges leaves them little time for rest. Complaints of a cough circulate the Metru, but officially no such thing exists. The streets are crowded as one moves into the center of the city, leaving the outskirts are all but abandoned. Don't mistake it for easy raiding though; it's thick with landmines and traps.

 

Jaller, a former Mask Maker, has claimed leadership of the district. He has clamped down on the production, increasing quotas for weapons and armor, while constantly pulling fresh recruits into his army. One would be unwise to grumble however; a reward system has been put into place for calling out dissenters.

 

I knew Jaller well before the war. In fact, he was the one that crafted my new mask after I broke it during a sporting event. Then he was kind and humorous. His voice now carries danger and rage. I haven't introduced myself since I've been in the district.

 

Po-Metru:

 

The once empty plains of Po-Metru's Sculpture Field have become thick with camps and bonfires; a sign that this is no longer a united city. Easily the most militant of the districts, all direct access points to Po-Metru have been either sealed with large pieces of rubble or are so heavily guarded, any form of attack is suicide. Metal is precious here, and many citizens are turning over metal trinkets, whether willingly or by force, to melt down for weapons.

 

All citizens of Po-Metru understand the need to protect themselves, and this has resulted in a swelling of the army. Craftsman have become engineers and Carvers have become weaponsmiths. A lesser populated Metru, but it does boast the largest standing army.

 

Akhmou is confident in his rule, but little has been seen of him since the alliances fell apart. The other Metru push propaganda and rumors that Akhmou is sick and dying, but there's little indication to his actual state of health.

 

The disappearance of Akhmou is disturbing for the war. Without a strong leader, will this Metru too split into war for control? The collapse of Po-Metru will lead to months of quick, bloody fighting as the other Metru stomp on them like some Rahi.

 

Onu-Metru:

 

Construction of the Archives have come to a complete stop, with few tunnels reaching out from under their native district. What tunnels that are completed have become military bunkers, store rooms, and even shelter from fearful citizens above. A large amount of citizens from all districts have fled to this underground safety, and Mavrah has let them; he knows that anything they produce will eventually help the war effort for Onu-Metru. The explosion of population have turned many tunnels into crowded slums and shantytowns where the refugees live and crime swells. The more productive, valuable refugees live closer to the Military forces; a perk for being helpful.

 

Mavrah has shown a noticeable lack on aggression toward the other districts, leading many to believe he is neutral in the war. Crafters and miners have been requested to aid Onu-Metru in deepening the tunnels of the Archives to access materials beneath the city; not all that answer the call return to the upper levels.

 

Mavrah currently seems obsessed with what the Archives was supposed to be used for, and the tools for making it operate. It's not known if this is a simple obsession or something different.

 

I am most cautious in Onu-Metru. They seem friendly, but I don't trust them. I don't trust anybody in this city anymore. But, I take heart in knowing the non-combatants can find some peace down here in the darkness.

 

 

Le-Metru:

 

The most damaged out of any Metru, Le-Metru suffered multiple attacks early in the war that crippled their Airship fleet and has forced Kongu onto the defensive for the war. Many Metru blocks are leveled or are only half-standing, and chutes litter the streets. Most of the population has retreated to the South of the Metru, away from the war. One of the only Metru to see a large wild Rahi population, the Northern parts of the Metru are extremely dangerous at night.

 

Kongu is attempting to regain control of the district as a whole, but infighting amongst the Le-Matoran have made his job difficult and have spread fear that Le-Metru will fall to another Metru sooner or later. Kongu has dubbed his forces the Le-Metru Loyalists, while the “rebels” believe that Kongu will only drag them down farther, if that is even possible. It is not known who leads the rebels currently, or if they are even operating under one banner.

 

Kongu seems confident amongst all this though; in recent appearances, he has appeared cocky and smug, as if he has a card up his sleeve nobody else knows about.

 

The split of the Metru into two factions invites outside interference from the other Metru. If Kongu doesn't get control quickly, I foreseen his life to come to a very quick end.

 

 

Ga-Metru:

 

The once shining and beautiful schools and temples of Ga-Metru have turned into homes, forts, and stores for the large population now residing there. Many of the waterways have become clogged with rubble from the early years of the war, and the few that flow are used to move large amounts of Matoran, parts, food, and anything else the Metru needs. The Great Temple stands in ruins, abandoned given the distance from the mainland. Ports are full of ships of all sizes; almost all of them carrying weaponry and guarded by the small, yet skilled Ga-Matoran Military. It isn't wise to stroll about the docks; that's a good way to get thrown on a boat to another Metru.

 

Ga-Metru has claimed neutrality in the war, lacking a large population trained in any form of combat. A large fleet of ships, however, has provided the bulk of Ga-Metru's defense. Refugees from other parts of the city have loaned their skills and talents to bettering the weapons and defenses of these ships, making it a force not to trifle with.

 

Macku regularly sends out calls for peace to the other leaders in the conflict, but to date, all have been ignored. A growing portion of the population desire Ga-Metru to take the offensive and use the mighty fleet to crush the other Metru's and return peace by force. It is unknown how long Macku can ignore these calls.

 

On the other hand, a group of Matoran seek to flee to the Southern parts of the Universe; away from the conflict altogether. Macku has warned them that they cannot leave, as every ship is needed. Again, it is unknown if this warning will be backed with force.

 

The only Metru I have visited that seems to push for peace on a daily basis. But every time they are ignored, they grow more and more bitter. I ask when will their backs break from the straw being loaded on them? When will the Ga-Matoran march to war and burn the city down with them?

 

Ko-Metru:

 

Early in the war, the scientists of Ko-Metru began experimentation on a powerful weapon to help win the war for their side. Internal pressures from then-Metru Leader Nuju and resource starvation from outside led to multiple mistakes being made that ultimately ended up with the weapon detonating.

 

Most of the Metru now lays barren and covered in the rubble of broken tech and crystal towers. A few towers were left intact at the edges of the Metru, but otherwise the Metru of Ice is no more.

 

I was on the outskirts when the....weapon detonated. A brilliant flash of energy, and what wasn't instantly vaporized was shattered into uncountable pieces. A good friend of mine was several blocks ahead and I watched as his body disappear into a mist. Whatever the Ko-Matoran found, must be kept buried.

 

Coliseum:

 

Deserted and in ruins. A heavy fog rests around the base, and there is a strong feeling of being watched while moving through the area. While still standing, the area around it is cracking and full of holes from battles. Traps and mines are littered throughout, making the Coliseum the most dangerous part of the city. The Coliseum lies directly in the center of multiple ranges of fire, making any trip there highly dangerous. Some say the Turaga still resides in the very top of the building, but the last group of Matoran that went up the staircases never returned.

 

The Coliseum. My body aches seeing it like this. The good memories of this location are being replaced by sights of the dead, the destruction, and the decay. If the Turaga is still up there, I hope he lives in guilt for abandoning us to this fate.

 

 

NPC SYSTEM:

 

You can form your own squad of troops for combat in battles if you would like! I mean, what fun is a game about war if you can't be in charge, right? It's pretty simple: Simply create up to four NPC characters using the following form:

 

Name:

Gender:

Species:

Appearance:

Weapons/Tools:

Weakness:

 

Once that is done, create a name for your squad, choose which Metru they fight for, and select one of your Characters as the leader of the squad. Once this is done, PM it to a/the GM. Once approved, post it in the discussion thread and begin playing!

 

Want to form a squad with player characters? Go right ahead! I encourage you guys to work together. One rule though: All players can only have two squads under their command at any time, but they can be part of as many squads as they want.

 

NOTE: Your NPC(s) are not invincible. I will be watching the usage of these characters carefully. They will most likely die. If they avoided death in some way or another, I will expect a good explanation IC.

 

NOTE 2: You can turn your NPCs into actual Characters: Just fill out the PC form for them and post it. It'll be considered pre-approved if it hasn't changed from the NPC form. If it has changed AT ALL, it will need approval again.

 

NOTE 3: Remember, you are in a military force with a leader and a chain of command. You can go crazy and do what you want, just remember that there are consequences for everything.

 

NOTE 4: Noncombatant characters cannot form squads.

 

LEGACY SYSTEM:

 

What is the Legacy System? Well, it is a promotion through the ranks for each character in the game. Depending on how well your character fights or shows diplomatic cunning, it is possible for you to move up the ranks; you can go from being a single soldier to commanding all squads for the district. It is even possible for you to run a district in the war, if the previous leader is killed off.

 

NPC CHARACTERS:

 

Jaller

Name: Jaller

Gender: Male

Species: Ta-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/bioniclereviews/images/f/f7/Flash_Rebuilt_Ta-Matoran_Jaller.png/revision/latest?cb=20100523223719]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Ta-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Broad Sword

Personality: Jaller is a fierce, confident leader. He does not handle being questioned well and expects 110% from everybody under his command. Failure is a dirty word in his vocabulary and anybody that doesn't succeed at the mission will face harsh repercussions.

 

On the other hand, those that follow out his orders successfully and completely will see much favor fall upon them. Jaller, in short, is your best friend, but worst enemy.

 

Ahkmou

Name: Ahkmou

Gender: Male

Species: Po-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/5/5a/MNOGII_Ahkmou.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Po-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Short Warclub

Personality: The last seen of Ahkmou was that of a schemer, one that would bribe his way to get his deals rather than using brute force or diplomatic finesse. A good word to describe his personality was slimy, and a running joke was that he would sell his right arm just to get another arm he liked.

 

His form of leadership is very much “carrot/stick” and only a few of men have seen the end of the stick. They don't talk about the meetings.

 

 

Macku

Name: Macku

Gender: Female

Species: Ga-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/4/45/MNOGII_Macku.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Neutral Ga-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Trident

Personality: The once caring and compassionate Macku has become firm and assertive in the war. As the High Admiral of the Ga-Metru fleet, she expects a high level of discipline and order from all her people and from the refugees.

 

Don't mistake her open arms to neutral parties as an invitation to slack off; if you're in her district and you aren't working to better it, she'll hand-put you on a one way raft to the neighboring Metru; it's understood they make great targets for practice.

 

Marvah

Name: Mavrah

Gender: Male

Species: Onu-Matoran

Appearance: [link=https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5547/14560758525_1f88fbb52f_b.jpg]Appearance[/link] (Credit to ...The Chosen One...)

Loyalty: Onu-Metru

Weapons/Tools: None

Personality: Mavrah is a quiet individual, and prefers to communicate all his orders via the written word over speaking; it's not known if he is mute or just lacks the will to speak. His orders, however, are simple, short, and sometimes more vague than you would like. It's believed Marvah wants to see his troops approach problems creatively instead of being walked through them.

 

His obsession with the Archive Program has made him rather cold socially, and more times than not will prevent guests and even his generals from interrupting him.

 

Kongu

Name: Kongu

Gender: Male

Species: Le-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/thumb/0/06/Kongu.png/250px-Kongu.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Kongu's Le-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Modified Air Drill

Personality: Kongu is the most dangerous of the six leaders to approach, and this is because of his erratic behavior. He can bounce from trusting a being to believing they betrayed him in a short time span, and is known for killing or jailing some of his generals on a whim. A strongly accepted opinion is that the destruction of the Metru, along with the splintering of his army, has driven him mad.

 

Still, Kongu does present an air of confidence; no matter what he says or does, he does it with everything he has, no hesitation. This has earned him the nickname of “Wild Card” among the other leaders.

 

 

PROFILE:

 

Name:

 

No Bob, Greg, or ToaDude1234997. If you need to ask, “Is this name okay for use?” It probably isn't.

 

 

Gender:

 

Self-explanatory.

 

 

Species:

 

Matoran only, but you get to pick from Ta, Ga, Le, Onu, Po, and Ko. Species-specific powers apply(i.e., Po-Matoran are stronger...).

 

Appearance:

 

Either a picture or three sentences describing the way they look. You do NOT have to follow any color scheme whatsoever. Just remember, if you look like the enemy....

 

Loyalty:

 

Which Metru do you fight for? Or none? Ta, Po, Ga, Onu, or Le(Loyalists or Rebels.), and last but not least, Neutral.

 

Weapons/Tools:

 

Swords, clubs, maces, knives, shields, and other run-of-the-mill weaponry is allowed. Kanoka Disc Launchers are also allowed, but all disks are Power Level 3. All Disk Powers are allowed, but be warned: Using them for Godmodding purposes will result in a Disk Launcher backfire for your character.

 

Stronger, special disks will be given out as rewards. Given that Metru-Nui was incredibly high-tech, I will allow custom technologies, one per character(Go crazy and creative on this! I want to see what you can pull out of your hat.).

 

Weakness:

 

A weakness can be physical, social, or mental. Be creative.

 

 

Biography(Optional):

 

What was your character doing when the balloon went up? What are they doing now?

 

Personality:

 

How will your character react to the world around them? Do they have certain quirks?

 

 

RULES:

 

1. Follow all site rules.

2. Play nice.

3. No Godmodding, Unauthorized bunnying, or other actions that are likely to tick everybody off.

4. You are not going to kill hundreds of enemies with one swing of your sword, so go away Conan.

5. Nor are you going to destroy city blocks in one hit. Massive amounts of destruction must be approved first.

6. Have fun!

 

 

 

 

[Ghidora131]

 

 Fallen City, V0.54

 

 Have at it, pick it apart, lemme know your most honest thoughts. I want no lies, no bush beating, and no hidden comment.

 

Well, here we go. Red is for problems, and blue is for successes. Hidden comments don't work too well on the quote background because they don't blend in, or maybe they do...

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

FALLEN CITY

 

“There is no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.” - Unknown

 

“Why do men fight that were born to be brothers?” - Gen. James Longstreet, C.S.A.

 

INTRO:

 

From the writings of Xavis, Metru-Nui Historian:

 

It has been several years now since brother turned against brother, swords were forged, and blood spilled in Metru-Nui. I have been approached by many of my friends, and many more strangers asking me to take down their stories, their lives, so it won't be lost if they don't survive the night.

 

I am hesitant to take their stories, as I fear I would grow emotionally involved in the conflict, and my writings would become biased to one side or another. But in another breath I recognize that there really isn't any true hero in this war. This war was born of greed and envy, a desire to take what belonged to a brother, a sister, a friend, an innocent.

 

But those brothers, those sisters, friends and innocents have changed. The body count grows, the fire burns hotter, and the role of the pacifist has become an increasingly dangerous position to have.

 

This once was a great city, my past writings reflect that. But as this war drags on and on, I fear my writings will only survive to be collected as a warning to future beings. A warning of war, from a fallen city.

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

CURRENT EVENTS/QUESTS/DEATHS:

 

 

INTRO/YOUR ROLE:

 

The role of the Matoran is this role has changed greatly since the outbreak of war several years ago. The once respected Mask Makers now forge instruments of war in their forges. The hardy craftsmen now wield sword and shield instead of pick and hammer. The wise teachers teach their pupils on the weak spots of armor instead of the history of Metru-Nui.

 

The same vibration can be felt throughout the city, the humming beat of war. The rules are simple: Fight or Die. All is permitted except for defeat.

 

Welcome to Fallen City.

 

Metru-Nui, once the most advanced center in the Universe has descended into primitive conflict between the six Metru. At the start of this game, an uneasy peace has fallen over the city, with the expectation of renewal of war hanging heavy in the air.

 

LOCATIONS:

 

Ta-Metru:

 

Once the bustling center of masks and tools, the Metru of Fire has changed their production standards to armor and weapons. Every building that can produce some good is spewing black smoke into the sky, giving Ta-Metru a dirty feel in the air. Most surfaces are darkened, and the once gleaming red towers are now black and ill looking, an analogy for most of the city. This seems to fit a gloomy Metru Nui very well. This portion, anyway.

 

The citizens of the Metru are dirty and weary, the long hours at the forges leaves them little time for rest. Complaints of a cough circulate the Metru, but officially no such thing exists. Is this portion of the plot relevant, or does this refer to something aside from a lung irritation? The streets are crowded as one moves into the center of the city, leaving the outskirts are all but abandoned. Don't mistake it for easy raiding though; it's thick with landmines and traps. Which makes me wonder how anyone gets in or out. Plot-wise it's acceptable, but not when you're trying to traverse.

 

Jaller, a former Mask Maker, has claimed leadership of the district. He has clamped down on the production, increasing quotas for weapons and armor, while constantly pulling fresh recruits into his army. One would be unwise to grumble however; a reward system has been put into place for calling out dissenters. It might be a good idea to use someone aside from Jaller for this, because Jaller was not the kind of Matoran to turn into a rough & tough soldier of war. He wasn't even rough & tough as a Toa.

 

I knew Jaller well before the war. In fact, he was the one that crafted my new mask after I broke it during a sporting event. Then he was kind and humorous. His voice now carries danger and rage. I haven't introduced myself since I've been in the district.

 

Po-Metru:

 

The once empty plains of Po-Metru's Sculpture Field have become thick with camps and bonfires; a sign that this is no longer a united city. Easily the most militant of the districts, all direct access points to Po-Metru have been either sealed with large pieces of rubble or are so heavily guarded, any form of attack is suicide. So how is there war? They can't be reached, the only real threat they have is Onu-Metru because Ta-Metru has trapped itself behind landmines, and every other area is either hiding or incredibly feeble.  Metal is precious here, and many citizens are turning over metal trinkets, whether willingly or by force, to melt down for weapons.

 

All citizens of Po-Metru understand the need to protect themselves, and this has resulted in a swelling of the army. Craftsman have become engineers and Carvers have become weaponsmiths. A lesser populated Metru, but it does boast the largest standing army.

 

Akhmou is confident in his rule, but little has been seen of him since the alliances fell apart. The other Metru push propaganda and rumors that Akhmou is sick and dying, but there's little indication to his actual state of health. Akhmou was inherently evil, and his quiet disappearance would be a wise choice in order to expand his character more, but with the limited information here I can't tell if you're trying to do that or if you're trying to make it seem cool because of mystery.

 

The disappearance of Akhmou is disturbing for the war. Without a strong leader, will this Metru too split into war for control? The collapse of Po-Metru will lead to months of quick, bloody fighting as the other Metru stomp on them like some Rahi.

 

Onu-Metru:

 

Construction of the Archives have come to a complete stop, with few tunnels reaching out from under their native district. What tunnels that are completed have become military bunkers, store rooms, and even shelter from fearful citizens above. A large amount of citizens from all districts have fled to this underground safety, and Mavrah has let them; he knows that anything they produce will eventually help the war effort for Onu-Metru. The explosion of population have turned many tunnels into crowded slums and shantytowns where the refugees live and crime swells. The more productive, valuable refugees live closer to the Military forces; a perk for being helpful. A minor issue I notice here is that this is perhaps too close of a representation of real-life cities, so adding some more Bionicle lore to the situation would ease it up a bit. Otherwise, good job.

 

Mavrah has shown a noticeable lack on aggression toward the other districts, leading many to believe he is neutral in the war.  This seems incredibly well planned. Mavrah would be the type of Matoran to take charge, and the type to silently declare neutrality. Crafters and miners have been requested to aid Onu-Metru in deepening the tunnels of the Archives to access materials beneath the city; not all that answer the call return to the upper levels.

 

Mavrah currently seems obsessed with what the Archives was supposed to be used for, and the tools for making it operate. It's not known if this is a simple obsession or something different.

 

I am most cautious in Onu-Metru. They seem friendly, but I don't trust them. I don't trust anybody in this city anymore. But, I take heart in knowing the non-combatants can find some peace down here in the darkness.

 

 

Le-Metru:

 

The most damaged out of any Metru, Le-Metru suffered multiple attacks early in the war that crippled their Airship fleet and has forced Kongu onto the defensive for the war. Would these airships possibly make a return at some point? Many Metru blocks are leveled or are only half-standing, and chutes litter the streets. Most of the population has retreated to the South of the Metru, away from the war. One of the only Metru to see a large wild Rahi population, the Northern parts of the Metru are extremely dangerous at night.

 

Kongu is attempting to regain control of the district as a whole, but infighting amongst the Le-Matoran have made his job difficult and have spread fear that Le-Metru will fall to another Metru sooner or later. Kongu has dubbed his forces the Le-Metru Loyalists, while the “rebels” believe that Kongu will only drag them down farther, if that is even possible. It is not known who leads the rebels currently, or if they are even operating under one banner. It might be helpful to have at least a hint of a clue, to prevent the sudden appearance of a faction specifically designed to take over this rebel group.

 

Kongu seems confident amongst all this though; in recent appearances, he has appeared cocky and smug, as if he has a card up his sleeve nobody else knows about.

 

The split of the Metru into two factions invites outside interference from the other Metru. If Kongu doesn't get control quickly, I foreseen his life to come to a very quick end.

 

 

Ga-Metru:

 

The once shining and beautiful schools and temples of Ga-Metru have turned into homes, forts, and stores for the large population now residing there. Many of the waterways have become clogged with rubble from the early years of the war, and the few that flow are used to move large amounts of Matoran, parts, food, and anything else the Metru needs. The Great Temple stands in ruins, abandoned given the distance from the mainland. Ports are full of ships of all sizes; almost all of them carrying weaponry and guarded by the small, yet skilled Ga-Matoran Military. It isn't wise to stroll about the docks; that's a good way to get thrown on a boat to another Metru. It seems that instead of asking for peace, it's more of a let's-not-be-capable situation. They have weapons, they have boats, they have skill, they are a threat; why not tell the other Metru to back off or else? if anything, they'll go back to fighting between Ta and Po until they're all dead. Asking for the universal peace of the whole island but not using any force to back that statement is something Macku would definitely not be dim-witted enough to do.

 

Ga-Metru has claimed neutrality in the war, lacking a large population trained in any form of combat. A large fleet of ships, however, has provided the bulk of Ga-Metru's defense. Refugees from other parts of the city have loaned their skills and talents to bettering the weapons and defenses of these ships, making it a force not to trifle with. Yet, they're basically asking to be trifled with.

 

Macku regularly sends out calls for peace to the other leaders in the conflict, but to date, all have been ignored. Because nobody can get to Ta-Metru and Po-Metru, Le-Metru has no solid leadership, and Onu-Metru is too worried. A growing portion of the population desire Ga-Metru to take the offensive and use the mighty fleet to crush the other Metru's and return peace by force. It is unknown how long Macku can ignore these calls.

 

On the other hand, a group of Matoran seek to flee to the Southern parts of the Universe; away from the conflict altogether. Macku has warned them that they cannot leave, as every ship is needed. Again, it is unknown if this warning will be backed with force.

 

The only Metru I have visited that seems to push for peace on a daily basis. But every time they are ignored, they grow more and more bitter. I ask when will their backs break from the straw being loaded on them? When will the Ga-Matoran march to war and burn the city down with them?

 

Ko-Metru:

 

Early in the war, the scientists of Ko-Metru began experimentation on a powerful weapon to help win the war for their side. Internal pressures from then-Metru Leader Nuju and resource starvation from outside led to multiple mistakes being made that ultimately ended up with the weapon detonating.

 

Most of the Metru now lays barren and covered in the rubble of broken tech and crystal towers. A few towers were left intact at the edges of the Metru, but otherwise the Metru of Ice is no more.

 

I was on the outskirts when the....weapon detonated. A brilliant flash of energy, and what wasn't instantly vaporized was shattered into uncountable pieces. A good friend of mine was several blocks ahead and I watched as his body disappear into a mist. That is an incredibly precise weapon. Completely disintergrates everything up to a certain point but doesn't effect anything beyond that, based on Xavis' survival. Whatever the Ko-Matoran found, must be kept buried.

 

Coliseum:

 

Deserted and in ruins. A heavy fog rests around the base, and there is a strong feeling of being watched while moving through the area. While still standing, the area around it is cracking and full of holes from battles. Traps and mines are littered throughout, making the Coliseum the most dangerous part of the city. The Coliseum lies directly in the center of multiple ranges of fire, making any trip there highly dangerous. Some say the Turaga still resides in the very top of the building, but the last group of Matoran that went up the staircases never returned.

 

The Coliseum. My body aches seeing it like this. The good memories of this location are being replaced by sights of the dead, the destruction, and the decay. If the Turaga is still up there, I hope he lives in guilt for abandoning us to this fate. If the Turaga's still up there, he's dead. If it's the most dangerous part of the city, then no nutrients can get to him and he dies.

 

 

NPC SYSTEM:

 

You can form your own squad of troops for combat in battles if you would like! I mean, what fun is a game about war if you can't be in charge, right? Whoa whoa whoa. Bad idea. Giving players four fightbots armed to the teeth with as much combat experience as they want, whenever they want, to become living targets to protect their player and allow for even more ridiculous plot-breaking devices than godmodding or bunnying? It's pretty simple: Simply create up to four NPC characters using the following form:

 

Name:

Gender:

Species:

Appearance:

Weapons/Tools:

Weakness:

 

Once that is done, create a name for your squad, choose which Metru they fight for, and select one of your Characters as the leader of the squad. Once this is done, PM it to a/the GM. Once approved, post it in the discussion thread and begin playing!

 

Want to form a squad with player characters? Go right ahead! A much better idea is to have a squad made entirely of player characters instead of NPCs. It gives a much better chance of fair play, and something to ally yourself to instead of the main factions. I encourage you guys to work together. One rule though: All players can only have two squads under their command at any time, but they can be part of as many squads as they want.

 

NOTE: Your NPC(s) are not invincible. I will be watching the usage of these characters carefully. They will most likely die. If they avoided death in some way or another, I will expect a good explanation IC. This isn't going to stop the abuse of these character's abilities and lifespan.

 

NOTE 2: You can turn your NPCs into actual Characters: Just fill out the PC form for them and post it. It'll be considered pre-approved if it hasn't changed from the NPC form. If it has changed AT ALL, it will need approval again.

 

NOTE 3: Remember, you are in a military force with a leader and a chain of command. You can go crazy and do what you want, just remember that there are consequences for everything.

 

NOTE 4: Noncombatant characters cannot form squads.

 

LEGACY SYSTEM:

 

What is the Legacy System? Well, it is a promotion through the ranks for each character in the game. Depending on how well your character fights or shows diplomatic cunning, it is possible for you to move up the ranks; you can go from being a single soldier to commanding all squads for the district. It is even possible for you to run a district in the war, if the previous leader is killed off. This idea is interesting. It'll require tweaking, of course, and while I have no comment on it at the moment it does show promise.

 

NPC CHARACTERS: I removed the more tags so it would be easier to see.

 

Name: Jaller

Gender: Male

Species: Ta-Matoran

Appearance: You want to put url instead of link here. http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/bioniclereviews/images/f/f7/Flash_Rebuilt_Ta-Matoran_Jaller.png/revision/latest?cb=20100523223719'>Appearance Same with here. I fixed it and that's why this one works.

Loyalty: Ta-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Broad Sword

Personality: Jaller is a fierce, confident leader. He does not handle being questioned well and expects 110% from everybody under his command. Failure is a dirty word in his vocabulary and anybody that doesn't succeed at the mission will face harsh repercussions. Incredibly out-of-character for Jaller.

 

On the other hand, those that follow out his orders successfully and completely will see much favor fall upon them. Jaller, in short, is your best friend, but worst enemy.

 

Name: Ahkmou

Gender: Male

Species: Po-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/5/5a/MNOGII_Ahkmou.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Po-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Short Warclub

Personality: The last seen of Ahkmou was that of a schemer, one that would bribe his way to get his deals rather than using brute force or diplomatic finesse. A good word to describe his personality was slimy, and a running joke was that he would sell his right arm just to get another arm he liked. More in-character than the other description.

 

His form of leadership is very much “carrot/stick” and only a few of men have seen the end of the stick. They don't talk about the meetings.

 

 

Name: Macku

Gender: Female

Species: Ga-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/4/45/MNOGII_Macku.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Neutral Ga-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Trident

Personality: The once caring and compassionate Macku has become firm and assertive in the war. Very confusing, this. Extremely war-hardened, yet does nothing but proclaim peace all day, and expects routine service from all her soldiers. As the High Admiral of the Ga-Metru fleet, she expects a high level of discipline and order from all her people and from the refugees.

 

Don't mistake her open arms to neutral parties as an invitation to slack off; Although for now it seems as though it's for all parties. if you're in her district and you aren't working to better it, she'll hand-put you on a one way raft to the neighboring Metru; it's understood they make great targets for practice.

 

Name: Mavrah

Gender: Male

Species: Onu-Matoran

Appearance: [link=https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5547/14560758525_1f88fbb52f_b.jpg]Appearance[/link] (Credit to ...The Chosen One...)

Loyalty: Onu-Metru

Weapons/Tools: None

Personality: Mavrah is a quiet individual, and prefers to communicate all his orders via the written word over speaking; it's not known if he is mute or just lacks the will to speak. His orders, however, are simple, short, and sometimes more vague than you would like. It's believed Marvah wants to see his troops approach problems creatively instead of being walked through them.

 

His obsession with the Archive Program has made him rather cold socially, and more times than not will prevent guests and even his generals from interrupting him.

 

[more=Kongu]Name: Kongu

Gender: Male

Species: Le-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/thumb/0/06/Kongu.png/250px-Kongu.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Kongu's Le-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Modified Air Drill

Personality: Kongu is the most dangerous of the six leaders to approach, and this is because of his erratic behavior. He can bounce from trusting a being to believing they betrayed him in a short time span, and is known for killing or jailing some of his generals on a whim. A strongly accepted opinion is that the destruction of the Metru, along with the splintering of his army, has driven him mad.

 

Still, Kongu does present an air of confidence; no matter what he says or does, he does it with everything he has, no hesitation. This has earned him the nickname of “Wild Card” among the other leaders. Why hasn't there been a Metru-wide revolt at this point? Kongu is basically Hitler right now.

 

 

PROFILE:

 

Name:

 

No Bob, Greg, or ToaDude1234997. If you need to ask, “Is this name okay for use?” It probably isn't.

 

 

Gender:

 

Self-explanatory.

 

 

Species:

 

Matoran only, but you get to pick from Ta, Ga, Le, Onu, Po, and Ko. Species-specific powers apply(i.e., Po-Matoran are stronger...). And you should probably list the rest of the attributes...

 

Appearance:

 

Either a picture or three sentences describing the way they look. You do NOT have to follow any color scheme whatsoever. Just remember, if you look like the enemy....

 

Loyalty:

 

Which Metru do you fight for? Or none? Ta, Po, Ga, Onu, or Le(Loyalists or Rebels.), and last but not least, Neutral. Once again, player-controlled factions.

 

Weapons/Tools:

 

Swords, clubs, maces, knives, shields, and other run-of-the-mill weaponry is allowed. Kanoka Disc Launchers are also allowed, but all disks are Power Level 3. All Disk Powers are allowed, Even reconstitute at random? but be warned: Using them for Godmodding purposes will result in a Disk Launcher backfire for your character.

 

Stronger, special disks will be given out as rewards. Given that Metru-Nui was incredibly high-tech, I will allow custom technologies, one per character(Go crazy and creative on this! I want to see what you can pull out of your hat.).

 

Weakness:

 

A weakness can be physical, social, or mental. Be creative.

 

 

Biography(Optional):

 

What was your character doing when the balloon went up? What are they doing now?

 

Personality:

 

How will your character react to the world around them? Do they have certain quirks?

 

 

RULES:

 

1. Follow all site rules.

2. Play nice.

3. No Godmodding, Unauthorized bunnying, or other actions that are likely to tick everybody off.

4. You are not going to kill hundreds of enemies with one swing of your sword, so go away Conan.

5. Nor are you going to destroy city blocks in one hit. Massive amounts of destruction must be approved first.

6. Have fun!

 

Overall, I really like this. The idea is nice, and while it does feel like a clone of Wasteland in some places, it's got promise. However, you gotta eat the meat and spit out the bones, and there's some crippling problems that need to be addressed.

[FallenAtlas]

My Responses will be in Purple

 

 

 

 

 Fallen City, V0.54

 

 Have at it, pick it apart, lemme know your most honest thoughts. I want no lies, no bush beating, and no hidden comment.

 

Well, here we go. Red is for problems, and blue is for successes. Hidden comments don't work too well on the quote background because they don't blend in, or maybe they do...

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

FALLEN CITY

 

“There is no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.” - Unknown

 

“Why do men fight that were born to be brothers?” - Gen. James Longstreet, C.S.A.

 

INTRO:

 

From the writings of Xavis, Metru-Nui Historian:

 

It has been several years now since brother turned against brother, swords were forged, and blood spilled in Metru-Nui. I have been approached by many of my friends, and many more strangers asking me to take down their stories, their lives, so it won't be lost if they don't survive the night.

 

I am hesitant to take their stories, as I fear I would grow emotionally involved in the conflict, and my writings would become biased to one side or another. But in another breath I recognize that there really isn't any true hero in this war. This war was born of greed and envy, a desire to take what belonged to a brother, a sister, a friend, an innocent.

 

But those brothers, those sisters, friends and innocents have changed. The body count grows, the fire burns hotter, and the role of the pacifist has become an increasingly dangerous position to have.

 

This once was a great city, my past writings reflect that. But as this war drags on and on, I fear my writings will only survive to be collected as a warning to future beings. A warning of war, from a fallen city.

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

CURRENT EVENTS/QUESTS/DEATHS:

 

 

INTRO/YOUR ROLE:

 

The role of the Matoran is this role has changed greatly since the outbreak of war several years ago. The once respected Mask Makers now forge instruments of war in their forges. The hardy craftsmen now wield sword and shield instead of pick and hammer. The wise teachers teach their pupils on the weak spots of armor instead of the history of Metru-Nui.

 

The same vibration can be felt throughout the city, the humming beat of war. The rules are simple: Fight or Die. All is permitted except for defeat.

 

Welcome to Fallen City.

 

Metru-Nui, once the most advanced center in the Universe has descended into primitive conflict between the six Metru. At the start of this game, an uneasy peace has fallen over the city, with the expectation of renewal of war hanging heavy in the air.

 

LOCATIONS:

 

Ta-Metru:

 

Once the bustling center of masks and tools, the Metru of Fire has changed their production standards to armor and weapons. Every building that can produce some good is spewing black smoke into the sky, giving Ta-Metru a dirty feel in the air. Most surfaces are darkened, and the once gleaming red towers are now black and ill looking, an analogy for most of the city. This seems to fit a gloomy Metru Nui very well. This portion, anyway.

 

The citizens of the Metru are dirty and weary, the long hours at the forges leaves them little time for rest. Complaints of a cough circulate the Metru, but officially no such thing exists. Is this portion of the plot relevant, or does this refer to something aside from a lung irritation?  The location descriptions also give info about what is currently happening. That is currently happening. The streets are crowded as one moves into the center of the city, leaving the outskirts are all but abandoned. Don't mistake it for easy raiding though; it's thick with landmines and traps. Which makes me wonder how anyone gets in or out. Plot-wise it's acceptable, but not when you're trying to traverse. The inhabitants of the district know how to get in and out.

 

Jaller, a former Mask Maker, has claimed leadership of the district. He has clamped down on the production, increasing quotas for weapons and armor, while constantly pulling fresh recruits into his army. One would be unwise to grumble however; a reward system has been put into place for calling out dissenters. It might be a good idea to use someone aside from Jaller for this, because Jaller was not the kind of Matoran to turn into a rough & tough soldier of war. He wasn't even rough & tough as a Toa. Jaller, ATM, is the only leader I'm still debating on keeping. There's too many cons and few too many pros, but I don't want to put in a OC.

 

I knew Jaller well before the war. In fact, he was the one that crafted my new mask after I broke it during a sporting event. Then he was kind and humorous. His voice now carries danger and rage. I haven't introduced myself since I've been in the district.

 

Po-Metru:

 

The once empty plains of Po-Metru's Sculpture Field have become thick with camps and bonfires; a sign that this is no longer a united city. Easily the most militant of the districts, all direct access points to Po-Metru have been either sealed with large pieces of rubble or are so heavily guarded, any form of attack is suicide. So how is there war? They can't be reached, the only real threat they have is Onu-Metru because Ta-Metru has trapped itself behind landmines, and every other area is either hiding or incredibly feeble. Again, uneasy peace at the beginning of the game. Technology is far enough advanced, simple things like rubble might not matter at the end of the day. Kanoka Disks, for example, are in use. Use a couple shrinking ones.  Metal is precious here, and many citizens are turning over metal trinkets, whether willingly or by force, to melt down for weapons.

 

All citizens of Po-Metru understand the need to protect themselves, and this has resulted in a swelling of the army. Craftsman have become engineers and Carvers have become weaponsmiths. A lesser populated Metru, but it does boast the largest standing army.

 

Akhmou is confident in his rule, but little has been seen of him since the alliances fell apart. The other Metru push propaganda and rumors that Akhmou is sick and dying, but there's little indication to his actual state of health. Akhmou was inherently evil, and his quiet disappearance would be a wise choice in order to expand his character more, but with the limited information here I can't tell if you're trying to do that or if you're trying to make it seem cool because of mystery. That's called the "plot" and I won't be leaking it.

 

The disappearance of Akhmou is disturbing for the war. Without a strong leader, will this Metru too split into war for control? The collapse of Po-Metru will lead to months of quick, bloody fighting as the other Metru stomp on them like some Rahi.

 

Onu-Metru:

 

Construction of the Archives have come to a complete stop, with few tunnels reaching out from under their native district. What tunnels that are completed have become military bunkers, store rooms, and even shelter from fearful citizens above. A large amount of citizens from all districts have fled to this underground safety, and Mavrah has let them; he knows that anything they produce will eventually help the war effort for Onu-Metru. The explosion of population have turned many tunnels into crowded slums and shantytowns where the refugees live and crime swells. The more productive, valuable refugees live closer to the Military forces; a perk for being helpful. A minor issue I notice here is that this is perhaps too close of a representation of real-life cities, so adding some more Bionicle lore to the situation would ease it up a bit. Otherwise, good job. Nitpick is nitpick.

 

Mavrah has shown a noticeable lack on aggression toward the other districts, leading many to believe he is neutral in the war.  This seems incredibly well planned. Mavrah would be the type of Matoran to take charge, and the type to silently declare neutrality. Crafters and miners have been requested to aid Onu-Metru in deepening the tunnels of the Archives to access materials beneath the city; not all that answer the call return to the upper levels.

 

Mavrah currently seems obsessed with what the Archives was supposed to be used for, and the tools for making it operate. It's not known if this is a simple obsession or something different.

 

I am most cautious in Onu-Metru. They seem friendly, but I don't trust them. I don't trust anybody in this city anymore. But, I take heart in knowing the non-combatants can find some peace down here in the darkness.

 

 

Le-Metru:

 

The most damaged out of any Metru, Le-Metru suffered multiple attacks early in the war that crippled their Airship fleet and has forced Kongu onto the defensive for the war. Would these airships possibly make a return at some point?  PLOT Many Metru blocks are leveled or are only half-standing, and chutes litter the streets. Most of the population has retreated to the South of the Metru, away from the war. One of the only Metru to see a large wild Rahi population, the Northern parts of the Metru are extremely dangerous at night.

 

Kongu is attempting to regain control of the district as a whole, but infighting amongst the Le-Matoran have made his job difficult and have spread fear that Le-Metru will fall to another Metru sooner or later. Kongu has dubbed his forces the Le-Metru Loyalists, while the “rebels” believe that Kongu will only drag them down farther, if that is even possible. It is not known who leads the rebels currently, or if they are even operating under one banner. It might be helpful to have at least a hint of a clue, to prevent the sudden appearance of a faction specifically designed to take over this rebel group. Plot again. But as for some random faction taking over the rebel group(s)? That's not happening.

 

Kongu seems confident amongst all this though; in recent appearances, he has appeared cocky and smug, as if he has a card up his sleeve nobody else knows about.

 

The split of the Metru into two factions invites outside interference from the other Metru. If Kongu doesn't get control quickly, I foreseen his life to come to a very quick end.

 

 

Ga-Metru:

 

The once shining and beautiful schools and temples of Ga-Metru have turned into homes, forts, and stores for the large population now residing there. Many of the waterways have become clogged with rubble from the early years of the war, and the few that flow are used to move large amounts of Matoran, parts, food, and anything else the Metru needs. The Great Temple stands in ruins, abandoned given the distance from the mainland. Ports are full of ships of all sizes; almost all of them carrying weaponry and guarded by the small, yet skilled Ga-Matoran Military. It isn't wise to stroll about the docks; that's a good way to get thrown on a boat to another Metru. It seems that instead of asking for peace, it's more of a let's-not-be-capable situation. They have weapons, they have boats, they have skill, they are a threat; why not tell the other Metru to back off or else? if anything, they'll go back to fighting between Ta and Po until they're all dead. Asking for the universal peace of the whole island but not using any force to back that statement is something Macku would definitely not be dim-witted enough to do. Their military force is not large enough to challenge the other Metru. They have boats, they have weapons, but they don't have the manpower. The "small, yet skilled" military. Doesn't matter how skilled you are, throw enough bodies at an army, they'll break.

 

Ga-Metru has claimed neutrality in the war, lacking a large population trained in any form of combat. A large fleet of ships, however, has provided the bulk of Ga-Metru's defense. Refugees from other parts of the city have loaned their skills and talents to bettering the weapons and defenses of these ships, making it a force not to trifle with. Yet, they're basically asking to be trifled with. Nobody is going to worry about the Metru that doesn't want to fight in the war.

 

Macku regularly sends out calls for peace to the other leaders in the conflict, but to date, all have been ignored. Because nobody can get to Ta-Metru and Po-Metru, Le-Metru has no solid leadership, and Onu-Metru is too worried. Just because the way is guarded to a Metru, doesn't mean nobody can get there. A growing portion of the population desire Ga-Metru to take the offensive and use the mighty fleet to crush the other Metru's and return peace by force. It is unknown how long Macku can ignore these calls.

 

On the other hand, a group of Matoran seek to flee to the Southern parts of the Universe; away from the conflict altogether. Macku has warned them that they cannot leave, as every ship is needed. Again, it is unknown if this warning will be backed with force.

 

The only Metru I have visited that seems to push for peace on a daily basis. But every time they are ignored, they grow more and more bitter. I ask when will their backs break from the straw being loaded on them? When will the Ga-Matoran march to war and burn the city down with them?

 

Ko-Metru:

 

Early in the war, the scientists of Ko-Metru began experimentation on a powerful weapon to help win the war for their side. Internal pressures from then-Metru Leader Nuju and resource starvation from outside led to multiple mistakes being made that ultimately ended up with the weapon detonating.

 

Most of the Metru now lays barren and covered in the rubble of broken tech and crystal towers. A few towers were left intact at the edges of the Metru, but otherwise the Metru of Ice is no more.

 

I was on the outskirts when the....weapon detonated. A brilliant flash of energy, and what wasn't instantly vaporized was shattered into uncountable pieces. A good friend of mine was several blocks ahead and I watched as his body disappear into a mist. That is an incredibly precise weapon. Completely disintergrates everything up to a certain point but doesn't effect anything beyond that, based on Xavis' survival.  Are you questioning the technology level of a city sitting inside a giant robot's head? Whatever the Ko-Matoran found, must be kept buried.

 

Coliseum:

 

Deserted and in ruins. A heavy fog rests around the base, and there is a strong feeling of being watched while moving through the area. While still standing, the area around it is cracking and full of holes from battles. Traps and mines are littered throughout, making the Coliseum the most dangerous part of the city. The Coliseum lies directly in the center of multiple ranges of fire, making any trip there highly dangerous. Some say the Turaga still resides in the very top of the building, but the last group of Matoran that went up the staircases never returned.

 

The Coliseum. My body aches seeing it like this. The good memories of this location are being replaced by sights of the dead, the destruction, and the decay. If the Turaga is still up there, I hope he lives in guilt for abandoning us to this fate. If the Turaga's still up there, he's dead. If it's the most dangerous part of the city, then no nutrients can get to him and he dies. P-p-p-p-plot.

 

 

NPC SYSTEM:

 

You can form your own squad of troops for combat in battles if you would like! I mean, what fun is a game about war if you can't be in charge, right? Whoa whoa whoa. Bad idea. Giving players four fightbots armed to the teeth with as much combat experience as they want, whenever they want, to become living targets to protect their player and allow for even more ridiculous plot-breaking devices than godmodding or bunnying? Son, I know what I'm doing. They might be NPCs under the player. But they are still NPCs and they live and die on my whim. It's pretty simple: Simply create up to four NPC characters using the following form:

 

Name:

Gender:

Species:

Appearance:

Weapons/Tools:

Weakness:

 

Once that is done, create a name for your squad, choose which Metru they fight for, and select one of your Characters as the leader of the squad. Once this is done, PM it to a/the GM. Once approved, post it in the discussion thread and begin playing!

 

Want to form a squad with player characters? Go right ahead! A much better idea is to have a squad made entirely of player characters instead of NPCs. It gives a much better chance of fair play, and something to ally yourself to instead of the main factions. There is no other factions in the game except the ones listed. If players want to form squads together, they can. But the other Metru aren't gonna let a upstart faction last long enough to even be of note. I encourage you guys to work together. One rule though: All players can only have two squads under their command at any time, but they can be part of as many squads as they want.

 

NOTE: Your NPC(s) are not invincible. I will be watching the usage of these characters carefully. They will most likely die. If they avoided death in some way or another, I will expect a good explanation IC. This isn't going to stop the abuse of these character's abilities and lifespan. No, it's not. Thus the GM watching over the game and making sure rules aren't broken.

 

NOTE 2: You can turn your NPCs into actual Characters: Just fill out the PC form for them and post it. It'll be considered pre-approved if it hasn't changed from the NPC form. If it has changed AT ALL, it will need approval again.

 

NOTE 3: Remember, you are in a military force with a leader and a chain of command. You can go crazy and do what you want, just remember that there are consequences for everything.

 

NOTE 4: Noncombatant characters cannot form squads.

 

LEGACY SYSTEM:

 

What is the Legacy System? Well, it is a promotion through the ranks for each character in the game. Depending on how well your character fights or shows diplomatic cunning, it is possible for you to move up the ranks; you can go from being a single soldier to commanding all squads for the district. It is even possible for you to run a district in the war, if the previous leader is killed off. This idea is interesting. It'll require tweaking, of course, and while I have no comment on it at the moment it does show promise.

 

NPC CHARACTERS: I removed the more tags so it would be easier to see.

 

Name: Jaller

Gender: Male

Species: Ta-Matoran

Appearance: You want to put url instead of link here. Appearance Same with here. I fixed it and that's why this one works.

Loyalty: Ta-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Broad Sword

Personality: Jaller is a fierce, confident leader. He does not handle being questioned well and expects 110% from everybody under his command. Failure is a dirty word in his vocabulary and anybody that doesn't succeed at the mission will face harsh repercussions. Incredibly out-of-character for Jaller. Commented on this above.

 

On the other hand, those that follow out his orders successfully and completely will see much favor fall upon them. Jaller, in short, is your best friend, but worst enemy.

 

Name: Ahkmou

Gender: Male

Species: Po-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/5/5a/MNOGII_Ahkmou.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Po-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Short Warclub

Personality: The last seen of Ahkmou was that of a schemer, one that would bribe his way to get his deals rather than using brute force or diplomatic finesse. A good word to describe his personality was slimy, and a running joke was that he would sell his right arm just to get another arm he liked. More in-character than the other description.

 

His form of leadership is very much “carrot/stick” and only a few of men have seen the end of the stick. They don't talk about the meetings.

 

 

Name: Macku

Gender: Female

Species: Ga-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/4/45/MNOGII_Macku.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Neutral Ga-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Trident

Personality: The once caring and compassionate Macku has become firm and assertive in the war. Very confusing, this. Extremely war-hardened, yet does nothing but proclaim peace all day, and expects routine service from all her soldiers. Just because you can handle yourself in a fight and expect things to get done from the people under you, doesn't mean you're always gearing for a fight. As the High Admiral of the Ga-Metru fleet, she expects a high level of discipline and order from all her people and from the refugees.

 

Don't mistake her open arms to neutral parties as an invitation to slack off; Although for now it seems as though it's for all parties. if you're in her district and you aren't working to better it, she'll hand-put you on a one way raft to the neighboring Metru; it's understood they make great targets for practice.

 

Name: Mavrah

Gender: Male

Species: Onu-Matoran

Appearance: [link=https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5547/14560758525_1f88fbb52f_b.jpg]Appearance[/link] (Credit to ...The Chosen One...)

Loyalty: Onu-Metru

Weapons/Tools: None

Personality: Mavrah is a quiet individual, and prefers to communicate all his orders via the written word over speaking; it's not known if he is mute or just lacks the will to speak. His orders, however, are simple, short, and sometimes more vague than you would like. It's believed Marvah wants to see his troops approach problems creatively instead of being walked through them.

 

His obsession with the Archive Program has made him rather cold socially, and more times than not will prevent guests and even his generals from interrupting him.

 

[more=Kongu]Name: Kongu

Gender: Male

Species: Le-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/thumb/0/06/Kongu.png/250px-Kongu.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Kongu's Le-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Modified Air Drill

Personality: Kongu is the most dangerous of the six leaders to approach, and this is because of his erratic behavior. He can bounce from trusting a being to believing they betrayed him in a short time span, and is known for killing or jailing some of his generals on a whim. A strongly accepted opinion is that the destruction of the Metru, along with the splintering of his army, has driven him mad.

 

Still, Kongu does present an air of confidence; no matter what he says or does, he does it with everything he has, no hesitation. This has earned him the nickname of “Wild Card” among the other leaders. Why hasn't there been a Metru-wide revolt at this point? Kongu is basically Hitler right now. Even Hitler had followers.

 

 

PROFILE:

 

Name:

 

No Bob, Greg, or ToaDude1234997. If you need to ask, “Is this name okay for use?” It probably isn't.

 

 

Gender:

 

Self-explanatory.

 

 

Species:

 

Matoran only, but you get to pick from Ta, Ga, Le, Onu, Po, and Ko. Species-specific powers apply(i.e., Po-Matoran are stronger...). And you should probably list the rest of the attributes... Good idea.

 

Appearance:

 

Either a picture or three sentences describing the way they look. You do NOT have to follow any color scheme whatsoever. Just remember, if you look like the enemy....

 

Loyalty:

 

Which Metru do you fight for? Or none? Ta, Po, Ga, Onu, or Le(Loyalists or Rebels.), and last but not least, Neutral. Once again, player-controlled factions. Once again, a small upstart faction is going to get crushed by the other Metru. I'd say Neutral is the closest to a player-controlled faction...

 

Weapons/Tools:

 

Swords, clubs, maces, knives, shields, and other run-of-the-mill weaponry is allowed. Kanoka Disc Launchers are also allowed, but all disks are Power Level 3. All Disk Powers are allowed, Even reconstitute at random?  I've been thinking about that one. but be warned: Using them for Godmodding purposes will result in a Disk Launcher backfire for your character.

 

Stronger, special disks will be given out as rewards. Given that Metru-Nui was incredibly high-tech, I will allow custom technologies, one per character(Go crazy and creative on this! I want to see what you can pull out of your hat.).

 

Weakness:

 

A weakness can be physical, social, or mental. Be creative.

 

 

Biography(Optional):

 

What was your character doing when the balloon went up? What are they doing now?

 

Personality:

 

How will your character react to the world around them? Do they have certain quirks?

 

 

RULES:

 

1. Follow all site rules.

2. Play nice.

3. No Godmodding, Unauthorized bunnying, or other actions that are likely to tick everybody off.

4. You are not going to kill hundreds of enemies with one swing of your sword, so go away Conan.

5. Nor are you going to destroy city blocks in one hit. Massive amounts of destruction must be approved first.

6. Have fun!

 

Overall, I really like this. The idea is nice, and while it does feel like a clone of Wasteland in some places, it's got promise. However, you gotta eat the meat and spit out the bones, and there's some crippling problems that need to be addressed.

 

[Ghidora131]

 

Fallen City, V0.54

 

 Have at it, pick it apart, lemme know your most honest thoughts. I want no lies, no bush beating, and no hidden comment.

 

Well, here we go. Red is for problems, and blue is for successes. Hidden comments don't work too well on the quote background because they don't blend in, or maybe they do...

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

FALLEN CITY

 

“There is no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.” - Unknown

 

“Why do men fight that were born to be brothers?” - Gen. James Longstreet, C.S.A.

 

INTRO:

 

From the writings of Xavis, Metru-Nui Historian:

 

It has been several years now since brother turned against brother, swords were forged, and blood spilled in Metru-Nui. I have been approached by many of my friends, and many more strangers asking me to take down their stories, their lives, so it won't be lost if they don't survive the night.

 

I am hesitant to take their stories, as I fear I would grow emotionally involved in the conflict, and my writings would become biased to one side or another. But in another breath I recognize that there really isn't any true hero in this war. This war was born of greed and envy, a desire to take what belonged to a brother, a sister, a friend, an innocent.

 

But those brothers, those sisters, friends and innocents have changed. The body count grows, the fire burns hotter, and the role of the pacifist has become an increasingly dangerous position to have.

 

This once was a great city, my past writings reflect that. But as this war drags on and on, I fear my writings will only survive to be collected as a warning to future beings. A warning of war, from a fallen city.

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

CURRENT EVENTS/QUESTS/DEATHS:

 

 

INTRO/YOUR ROLE:

 

The role of the Matoran is this role has changed greatly since the outbreak of war several years ago. The once respected Mask Makers now forge instruments of war in their forges. The hardy craftsmen now wield sword and shield instead of pick and hammer. The wise teachers teach their pupils on the weak spots of armor instead of the history of Metru-Nui.

 

The same vibration can be felt throughout the city, the humming beat of war. The rules are simple: Fight or Die. All is permitted except for defeat.

 

Welcome to Fallen City.

 

Metru-Nui, once the most advanced center in the Universe has descended into primitive conflict between the six Metru. At the start of this game, an uneasy peace has fallen over the city, with the expectation of renewal of war hanging heavy in the air.

 

LOCATIONS:

 

Ta-Metru:

 

Once the bustling center of masks and tools, the Metru of Fire has changed their production standards to armor and weapons. Every building that can produce some good is spewing black smoke into the sky, giving Ta-Metru a dirty feel in the air. Most surfaces are darkened, and the once gleaming red towers are now black and ill looking, an analogy for most of the city. This seems to fit a gloomy Metru Nui very well. This portion, anyway.

 

The citizens of the Metru are dirty and weary, the long hours at the forges leaves them little time for rest. Complaints of a cough circulate the Metru, but officially no such thing exists. Is this portion of the plot relevant, or does this refer to something aside from a lung irritation?  The location descriptions also give info about what is currently happening. That is currently happening. The streets are crowded as one moves into the center of the city, leaving the outskirts are all but abandoned. Don't mistake it for easy raiding though; it's thick with landmines and traps. Which makes me wonder how anyone gets in or out. Plot-wise it's acceptable, but not when you're trying to traverse. The inhabitants of the district know how to get in and out. Then you better list this in the description for Ta-Matoran.

 

Jaller, a former Mask Maker, has claimed leadership of the district. He has clamped down on the production, increasing quotas for weapons and armor, while constantly pulling fresh recruits into his army. One would be unwise to grumble however; a reward system has been put into place for calling out dissenters. It might be a good idea to use someone aside from Jaller for this, because Jaller was not the kind of Matoran to turn into a rough & tough soldier of war. He wasn't even rough & tough as a Toa. Jaller, ATM, is the only leader I'm still debating on keeping. There's too many cons and few too many pros, but I don't want to put in a OC.

 

I knew Jaller well before the war. In fact, he was the one that crafted my new mask after I broke it during a sporting event. Then he was kind and humorous. His voice now carries danger and rage. I haven't introduced myself since I've been in the district.

 

Po-Metru:

 

The once empty plains of Po-Metru's Sculpture Field have become thick with camps and bonfires; a sign that this is no longer a united city. Easily the most militant of the districts, all direct access points to Po-Metru have been either sealed with large pieces of rubble or are so heavily guarded, any form of attack is suicide. So how is there war? They can't be reached, the only real threat they have is Onu-Metru because Ta-Metru has trapped itself behind landmines, and every other area is either hiding or incredibly feeble. Again, uneasy peace at the beginning of the game. Technology is far enough advanced, simple things like rubble might not matter at the end of the day. Kanoka Disks, for example, are in use. Use a couple shrinking ones.  Metal is precious here, and many citizens are turning over metal trinkets, whether willingly or by force, to melt down for weapons.

 

All citizens of Po-Metru understand the need to protect themselves, and this has resulted in a swelling of the army. Craftsman have become engineers and Carvers have become weaponsmiths. A lesser populated Metru, but it does boast the largest standing army.

 

Akhmou is confident in his rule, but little has been seen of him since the alliances fell apart. The other Metru push propaganda and rumors that Akhmou is sick and dying, but there's little indication to his actual state of health. Akhmou was inherently evil, and his quiet disappearance would be a wise choice in order to expand his character more, but with the limited information here I can't tell if you're trying to do that or if you're trying to make it seem cool because of mystery. That's called the "plot" and I won't be leaking it. Plot or not, I'd like confirmation you're not just trying to pass this off as cool by being ridiculously vague.

 

The disappearance of Akhmou is disturbing for the war. Without a strong leader, will this Metru too split into war for control? The collapse of Po-Metru will lead to months of quick, bloody fighting as the other Metru stomp on them like some Rahi.

 

Onu-Metru:

 

Construction of the Archives have come to a complete stop, with few tunnels reaching out from under their native district. What tunnels that are completed have become military bunkers, store rooms, and even shelter from fearful citizens above. A large amount of citizens from all districts have fled to this underground safety, and Mavrah has let them; he knows that anything they produce will eventually help the war effort for Onu-Metru. The explosion of population have turned many tunnels into crowded slums and shantytowns where the refugees live and crime swells. The more productive, valuable refugees live closer to the Military forces; a perk for being helpful. A minor issue I notice here is that this is perhaps too close of a representation of real-life cities, so adding some more Bionicle lore to the situation would ease it up a bit. Otherwise, good job. Nitpick is nitpick. Problem is problem. You asked for my opinion on the matter, and you can either work with the recommendation or leave it be and pray it scoots by the judges.

 

Mavrah has shown a noticeable lack on aggression toward the other districts, leading many to believe he is neutral in the war.  This seems incredibly well planned. Mavrah would be the type of Matoran to take charge, and the type to silently declare neutrality. Crafters and miners have been requested to aid Onu-Metru in deepening the tunnels of the Archives to access materials beneath the city; not all that answer the call return to the upper levels.

 

Mavrah currently seems obsessed with what the Archives was supposed to be used for, and the tools for making it operate. It's not known if this is a simple obsession or something different.

 

I am most cautious in Onu-Metru. They seem friendly, but I don't trust them. I don't trust anybody in this city anymore. But, I take heart in knowing the non-combatants can find some peace down here in the darkness.

 

 

Le-Metru:

 

The most damaged out of any Metru, Le-Metru suffered multiple attacks early in the war that crippled their Airship fleet and has forced Kongu onto the defensive for the war. Would these airships possibly make a return at some point?  PLOT Many Metru blocks are leveled or are only half-standing, and chutes litter the streets. Most of the population has retreated to the South of the Metru, away from the war. One of the only Metru to see a large wild Rahi population, the Northern parts of the Metru are extremely dangerous at night.

 

Kongu is attempting to regain control of the district as a whole, but infighting amongst the Le-Matoran have made his job difficult and have spread fear that Le-Metru will fall to another Metru sooner or later. Kongu has dubbed his forces the Le-Metru Loyalists, while the “rebels” believe that Kongu will only drag them down farther, if that is even possible. It is not known who leads the rebels currently, or if they are even operating under one banner. It might be helpful to have at least a hint of a clue, to prevent the sudden appearance of a faction specifically designed to take over this rebel group. Plot again. But as for some random faction taking over the rebel group(s)? That's not happening. You keep labeling everything as plot and expecting us to deal with it. We need a little more reason to want an RPG here.

 

Kongu seems confident amongst all this though; in recent appearances, he has appeared cocky and smug, as if he has a card up his sleeve nobody else knows about.

 

The split of the Metru into two factions invites outside interference from the other Metru. If Kongu doesn't get control quickly, I foreseen his life to come to a very quick end.

 

 

Ga-Metru:

 

The once shining and beautiful schools and temples of Ga-Metru have turned into homes, forts, and stores for the large population now residing there. Many of the waterways have become clogged with rubble from the early years of the war, and the few that flow are used to move large amounts of Matoran, parts, food, and anything else the Metru needs. The Great Temple stands in ruins, abandoned given the distance from the mainland. Ports are full of ships of all sizes; almost all of them carrying weaponry and guarded by the small, yet skilled Ga-Matoran Military. It isn't wise to stroll about the docks; that's a good way to get thrown on a boat to another Metru. It seems that instead of asking for peace, it's more of a let's-not-be-capable situation. They have weapons, they have boats, they have skill, they are a threat; why not tell the other Metru to back off or else? if anything, they'll go back to fighting between Ta and Po until they're all dead. Asking for the universal peace of the whole island but not using any force to back that statement is something Macku would definitely not be dim-witted enough to do. Their military force is not large enough to challenge the other Metru. They have boats, they have weapons, but they don't have the manpower. The "small, yet skilled" military. Doesn't matter how skilled you are, throw enough bodies at an army, they'll break. Then the ridiculous idea of attempting to smash the other Metru into submission shouldn't even be nagging Macku right now.

 

Ga-Metru has claimed neutrality in the war, lacking a large population trained in any form of combat. A large fleet of ships, however, has provided the bulk of Ga-Metru's defense. Refugees from other parts of the city have loaned their skills and talents to bettering the weapons and defenses of these ships, making it a force not to trifle with. Yet, they're basically asking to be trifled with. Nobody is going to worry about the Metru that doesn't want to fight in the war.

 

Macku regularly sends out calls for peace to the other leaders in the conflict, but to date, all have been ignored. Because nobody can get to Ta-Metru and Po-Metru, Le-Metru has no solid leadership, and Onu-Metru is too worried. Just because the way is guarded to a Metru, doesn't mean nobody can get there. Doesn't answer the point. Why send letters of peace to nations that aren't fighting Ga-Metru, which will only make them mad and attack? And don't say PLOT. A growing portion of the population desire Ga-Metru to take the offensive and use the mighty fleet to crush the other Metru's and return peace by force. It is unknown how long Macku can ignore these calls.

 

On the other hand, a group of Matoran seek to flee to the Southern parts of the Universe; away from the conflict altogether. Macku has warned them that they cannot leave, as every ship is needed. Again, it is unknown if this warning will be backed with force.

 

The only Metru I have visited that seems to push for peace on a daily basis. But every time they are ignored, they grow more and more bitter. I ask when will their backs break from the straw being loaded on them? When will the Ga-Matoran march to war and burn the city down with them?

 

Ko-Metru:

 

Early in the war, the scientists of Ko-Metru began experimentation on a powerful weapon to help win the war for their side. Internal pressures from then-Metru Leader Nuju and resource starvation from outside led to multiple mistakes being made that ultimately ended up with the weapon detonating.

 

Most of the Metru now lays barren and covered in the rubble of broken tech and crystal towers. A few towers were left intact at the edges of the Metru, but otherwise the Metru of Ice is no more.

 

I was on the outskirts when the....weapon detonated. A brilliant flash of energy, and what wasn't instantly vaporized was shattered into uncountable pieces. A good friend of mine was several blocks ahead and I watched as his body disappear into a mist. That is an incredibly precise weapon. Completely disintergrates everything up to a certain point but doesn't effect anything beyond that, based on Xavis' survival.  Are you questioning the technology level of a city sitting inside a giant robot's head? Yes I am. Everything has to be concise here. You wanted the loopholes pulled, and I'm pulling one. Whatever the Ko-Matoran found, must be kept buried.

 

Coliseum:

 

Deserted and in ruins. A heavy fog rests around the base, and there is a strong feeling of being watched while moving through the area. While still standing, the area around it is cracking and full of holes from battles. Traps and mines are littered throughout, making the Coliseum the most dangerous part of the city. The Coliseum lies directly in the center of multiple ranges of fire, making any trip there highly dangerous. Some say the Turaga still resides in the very top of the building, but the last group of Matoran that went up the staircases never returned.

 

The Coliseum. My body aches seeing it like this. The good memories of this location are being replaced by sights of the dead, the destruction, and the decay. If the Turaga is still up there, I hope he lives in guilt for abandoning us to this fate. If the Turaga's still up there, he's dead. If it's the most dangerous part of the city, then no nutrients can get to him and he dies. P-p-p-p-plot. For crying out loud, how is the circumstance of a man starving to death plot? If this entire RPG is driven around a predetermined plot, it's going to crash down faster than Asylum did.

 

 

NPC SYSTEM:

 

You can form your own squad of troops for combat in battles if you would like! I mean, what fun is a game about war if you can't be in charge, right? Whoa whoa whoa. Bad idea. Giving players four fightbots armed to the teeth with as much combat experience as they want, whenever they want, to become living targets to protect their player and allow for even more ridiculous plot-breaking devices than godmodding or bunnying? Son, I know what I'm doing. They might be NPCs under the player. But they are still NPCs and they live and die on my whim. Which will make nobody want them and make this the most unused portion of the game, son. It's pretty simple: Simply create up to four NPC characters using the following form:

 

Name:

Gender:

Species:

Appearance:

Weapons/Tools:

Weakness:

 

Once that is done, create a name for your squad, choose which Metru they fight for, and select one of your Characters as the leader of the squad. Once this is done, PM it to a/the GM. Once approved, post it in the discussion thread and begin playing!

 

Want to form a squad with player characters? Go right ahead! A much better idea is to have a squad made entirely of player characters instead of NPCs. It gives a much better chance of fair play, and something to ally yourself to instead of the main factions. There is no other factions in the game except the ones listed. If players want to form squads together, they can. But the other Metru aren't gonna let a upstart faction last long enough to even be of note. That kinda takes the fun out of the game here. If there's enough neutral players, they will form a faction and they will break one of the Metru. Pulling ridiculous trump cards out of your pocket to slaughter everything in site when it happens will only break the game. I encourage you guys to work together. One rule though: All players can only have two squads under their command at any time, but they can be part of as many squads as they want.

 

NOTE: Your NPC(s) are not invincible. I will be watching the usage of these characters carefully. They will most likely die. If they avoided death in some way or another, I will expect a good explanation IC. This isn't going to stop the abuse of these character's abilities and lifespan. No, it's not. Thus the GM watching over the game and making sure rules aren't broken. In order to do that, you're gonna needto fix a lot of the other problems here.

 

NOTE 2: You can turn your NPCs into actual Characters: Just fill out the PC form for them and post it. It'll be considered pre-approved if it hasn't changed from the NPC form. If it has changed AT ALL, it will need approval again.

 

NOTE 3: Remember, you are in a military force with a leader and a chain of command. You can go crazy and do what you want, just remember that there are consequences for everything.

 

NOTE 4: Noncombatant characters cannot form squads.

 

LEGACY SYSTEM:

 

What is the Legacy System? Well, it is a promotion through the ranks for each character in the game. Depending on how well your character fights or shows diplomatic cunning, it is possible for you to move up the ranks; you can go from being a single soldier to commanding all squads for the district. It is even possible for you to run a district in the war, if the previous leader is killed off. This idea is interesting. It'll require tweaking, of course, and while I have no comment on it at the moment it does show promise.

 

NPC CHARACTERS: I removed the more tags so it would be easier to see.

 

Name: Jaller

Gender: Male

Species: Ta-Matoran

Appearance: You want to put url instead of link here. Appearance Same with here. I fixed it and that's why this one works.

Loyalty: Ta-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Broad Sword

Personality: Jaller is a fierce, confident leader. He does not handle being questioned well and expects 110% from everybody under his command. Failure is a dirty word in his vocabulary and anybody that doesn't succeed at the mission will face harsh repercussions. Incredibly out-of-character for Jaller. Commented on this above.

 

On the other hand, those that follow out his orders successfully and completely will see much favor fall upon them. Jaller, in short, is your best friend, but worst enemy.

 

Name: Ahkmou

Gender: Male

Species: Po-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/5/5a/MNOGII_Ahkmou.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Po-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Short Warclub

Personality: The last seen of Ahkmou was that of a schemer, one that would bribe his way to get his deals rather than using brute force or diplomatic finesse. A good word to describe his personality was slimy, and a running joke was that he would sell his right arm just to get another arm he liked. More in-character than the other description.

 

His form of leadership is very much “carrot/stick” and only a few of men have seen the end of the stick. They don't talk about the meetings.

 

 

Name: Macku

Gender: Female

Species: Ga-Matoran

Appearance: [link=Apperance]http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/4/45/MNOGII_Macku.png]Apperance]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Neutral Ga-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Trident

Personality: The once caring and compassionate Macku has become firm and assertive in the war. Very confusing, this. Extremely war-hardened, yet does nothing but proclaim peace all day, and expects routine service from all her soldiers. Just because you can handle yourself in a fight and expect things to get done from the people under you, doesn't mean you're always gearing for a fight. And not gearing for a fight in the middle of a war with factions all around you is suicide. As the High Admiral of the Ga-Metru fleet, she expects a high level of discipline and order from all her people and from the refugees.

 

Don't mistake her open arms to neutral parties as an invitation to slack off; Although for now it seems as though it's for all parties. if you're in her district and you aren't working to better it, she'll hand-put you on a one way raft to the neighboring Metru; it's understood they make great targets for practice.

 

Name: Mavrah

Gender: Male

Species: Onu-Matoran

Appearance: [link=Appearance[/link]https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5547/14560758525_1f88fbb52f_b.jpg]Appearance[/link] (Credit to ...The Chosen One...)

Loyalty: Onu-Metru

Weapons/Tools: None

Personality: Mavrah is a quiet individual, and prefers to communicate all his orders via the written word over speaking; it's not known if he is mute or just lacks the will to speak. His orders, however, are simple, short, and sometimes more vague than you would like. It's believed Marvah wants to see his troops approach problems creatively instead of being walked through them.

 

His obsession with the Archive Program has made him rather cold socially, and more times than not will prevent guests and even his generals from interrupting him.

 

[more=Kongu]Name: Kongu

Gender: Male

Species: Le-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/thumb/0/06/Kongu.png/250px-Kongu.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Kongu's Le-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Modified Air Drill

Personality: Kongu is the most dangerous of the six leaders to approach, and this is because of his erratic behavior. He can bounce from trusting a being to believing they betrayed him in a short time span, and is known for killing or jailing some of his generals on a whim. A strongly accepted opinion is that the destruction of the Metru, along with the splintering of his army, has driven him mad.

 

Still, Kongu does present an air of confidence; no matter what he says or does, he does it with everything he has, no hesitation. This has earned him the nickname of “Wild Card” among the other leaders. Why hasn't there been a Metru-wide revolt at this point? Kongu is basically Hitler right now. Even Hitler had followers. This actually seems more reasonable, considering how many people are following the other leaders.

 

 

PROFILE:

 

Name:

 

No Bob, Greg, or ToaDude1234997. If you need to ask, “Is this name okay for use?” It probably isn't.

 

 

Gender:

 

Self-explanatory.

 

 

Species:

 

Matoran only, but you get to pick from Ta, Ga, Le, Onu, Po, and Ko. Species-specific powers apply(i.e., Po-Matoran are stronger...). And you should probably list the rest of the attributes... Good idea.

 

Appearance:

 

Either a picture or three sentences describing the way they look. You do NOT have to follow any color scheme whatsoever. Just remember, if you look like the enemy....

 

Loyalty:

 

Which Metru do you fight for? Or none? Ta, Po, Ga, Onu, or Le(Loyalists or Rebels.), and last but not least, Neutral. Once again, player-controlled factions. Once again, a small upstart faction is going to get crushed by the other Metru. I'd say Neutral is the closest to a player-controlled faction... Commented on this above.

 

Weapons/Tools:

 

Swords, clubs, maces, knives, shields, and other run-of-the-mill weaponry is allowed. Kanoka Disc Launchers are also allowed, but all disks are Power Level 3. All Disk Powers are allowed, Even reconstitute at random?  I've been thinking about that one. Think about it more. You don't want to arm players with an instakill weapon. but be warned: Using them for Godmodding purposes will result in a Disk Launcher backfire for your character.

 

Stronger, special disks will be given out as rewards. Given that Metru-Nui was incredibly high-tech, I will allow custom technologies, one per character(Go crazy and creative on this! I want to see what you can pull out of your hat.).

 

Weakness:

 

A weakness can be physical, social, or mental. Be creative.

 

 

Biography(Optional):

 

What was your character doing when the balloon went up? What are they doing now?

 

Personality:

 

How will your character react to the world around them? Do they have certain quirks?

 

 

RULES:

 

1. Follow all site rules.

2. Play nice.

3. No Godmodding, Unauthorized bunnying, or other actions that are likely to tick everybody off.

4. You are not going to kill hundreds of enemies with one swing of your sword, so go away Conan.

5. Nor are you going to destroy city blocks in one hit. Massive amounts of destruction must be approved first.

6. Have fun!

 

Overall, I really like this. The idea is nice, and while it does feel like a clone of Wasteland in some places, it's got promise. However, you gotta eat the meat and spit out the bones, and there's some crippling problems that need to be addressed. And it seems like you're dodging most of the issues I've presented with "plot" or "It'll just happen" or "I know what I'm doing". And being a good judge, I cannot at all take your word for your maximum ability. Seeing that your explanations for some of these problems only the matters far worse, I recommend reading everything over again and try to poke holes in your own plot. It'll make it a lot stronger and hopefully last through the judges, who will find a lot more problems than I'm finding.

[The UltimoScorp]

I mean just because people can abuse stuff doesn't mean they will, and just like any other game, those that do will be punished for it. 

 

I would echo sentiments regarding reconstitute at random disks, though. Without a system in place for how those function, it does seem ripe for abuse.

 

As for Ga Metru, uh..... yeah, totally makes sense to attack a place that isn't actively fighting, embroiling yourself in a war on multiple fronts. Good use of that brain there ghidora.

 

Also you don't have to lay out your whole plot to criticisms, and frankly, I like the bit of intrigue surrounding some of those points. 

 

I do have a question regarding the amount of plantlife in the city for the game, since we hardly see any in any official media, and that would give the scavenger type something to do. Just a thought. 

 

Looking forward to the game!

[Silvan Haven]

Looks like a solid game to me, much better than the last time it was up here.

 

Two things.

 

Reconstitute at random disks can simply have their results decided by the GM or, if you want to prevent any sort of possible favoritism, just have a few general traits that can be picked via RNG.

 

As far as custom factions go I would suggest against outright outlawing them. However you can make them very hard to start by doing stuff like taking away all the NPCs that would have been brought with a player.

 

Within reason of course, the second in command of a metru is going to have some followers if he leaves. Pretty much what I'm saying is that you don't have to build a mechanic for it, but if the players build their own faction from scratch it would be ill advised to just GM fiat them to death.

Edited July 4, 2016 by Silvan Haven

[FallenAtlas]

 I need to apologize, my responses yesterday weren't the kindest nor the most understanding nor the best in explanation. I had an event happen shortly before I began responding to the criticism, and it was easier to deal with that in a poor manner than react reasonably.

 

 

 

Fallen City, V0.54
 
 Have at it, pick it apart, lemme know your most honest thoughts. I want no lies, no bush beating, and no hidden comment.
 
Well, here we go. Red is for problems, and blue is for successes. Hidden comments don't work too well on the quote background because they don't blend in, or maybe they do...
 
 
----------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
FALLEN CITY
 
“There is no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.” - Unknown
 
“Why do men fight that were born to be brothers?” - Gen. James Longstreet, C.S.A.
 
INTRO:
 
From the writings of Xavis, Metru-Nui Historian:
 
It has been several years now since brother turned against brother, swords were forged, and blood spilled in Metru-Nui. I have been approached by many of my friends, and many more strangers asking me to take down their stories, their lives, so it won't be lost if they don't survive the night.
 
I am hesitant to take their stories, as I fear I would grow emotionally involved in the conflict, and my writings would become biased to one side or another. But in another breath I recognize that there really isn't any true hero in this war. This war was born of greed and envy, a desire to take what belonged to a brother, a sister, a friend, an innocent.
 
But those brothers, those sisters, friends and innocents have changed. The body count grows, the fire burns hotter, and the role of the pacifist has become an increasingly dangerous position to have.
 
This once was a great city, my past writings reflect that. But as this war drags on and on, I fear my writings will only survive to be collected as a warning to future beings. A warning of war, from a fallen city.
 
 
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
CURRENT EVENTS/QUESTS/DEATHS:
 
 
INTRO/YOUR ROLE:
 
The role of the Matoran is this role has changed greatly since the outbreak of war several years ago. The once respected Mask Makers now forge instruments of war in their forges. The hardy craftsmen now wield sword and shield instead of pick and hammer. The wise teachers teach their pupils on the weak spots of armor instead of the history of Metru-Nui.
 
The same vibration can be felt throughout the city, the humming beat of war. The rules are simple: Fight or Die. All is permitted except for defeat.
 
Welcome to Fallen City.
 
Metru-Nui, once the most advanced center in the Universe has descended into primitive conflict between the six Metru. At the start of this game, an uneasy peace has fallen over the city, with the expectation of renewal of war hanging heavy in the air.
 
LOCATIONS:
 
Ta-Metru:
 
Once the bustling center of masks and tools, the Metru of Fire has changed their production standards to armor and weapons. Every building that can produce some good is spewing black smoke into the sky, giving Ta-Metru a dirty feel in the air. Most surfaces are darkened, and the once gleaming red towers are now black and ill looking, an analogy for most of the city. This seems to fit a gloomy Metru Nui very well. This portion, anyway.
 
The citizens of the Metru are dirty and weary, the long hours at the forges leaves them little time for rest. Complaints of a cough circulate the Metru, but officially no such thing exists. Is this portion of the plot relevant, or does this refer to something aside from a lung irritation?  The location descriptions also give info about what is currently happening. That is currently happening. The streets are crowded as one moves into the center of the city, leaving the outskirts are all but abandoned. Don't mistake it for easy raiding though; it's thick with landmines and traps. Which makes me wonder how anyone gets in or out. Plot-wise it's acceptable, but not when you're trying to traverse. The inhabitants of the district know how to get in and out. Then you better list this in the description for Ta-Matoran. That gives me an idea for certain information regarding the Matoran of the different Metru; Metru specific knowledge. Huh. Filing that away.
 
Jaller, a former Mask Maker, has claimed leadership of the district. He has clamped down on the production, increasing quotas for weapons and armor, while constantly pulling fresh recruits into his army. One would be unwise to grumble however; a reward system has been put into place for calling out dissenters. It might be a good idea to use someone aside from Jaller for this, because Jaller was not the kind of Matoran to turn into a rough & tough soldier of war. He wasn't even rough & tough as a Toa. Jaller, ATM, is the only leader I'm still debating on keeping. There's too many cons and few too many pros, but I don't want to put in a OC.
 
I knew Jaller well before the war. In fact, he was the one that crafted my new mask after I broke it during a sporting event. Then he was kind and humorous. His voice now carries danger and rage. I haven't introduced myself since I've been in the district.
 
Po-Metru:
 
The once empty plains of Po-Metru's Sculpture Field have become thick with camps and bonfires; a sign that this is no longer a united city. Easily the most militant of the districts, all direct access points to Po-Metru have been either sealed with large pieces of rubble or are so heavily guarded, any form of attack is suicide. So how is there war? They can't be reached, the only real threat they have is Onu-Metru because Ta-Metru has trapped itself behind landmines, and every other area is either hiding or incredibly feeble. Again, uneasy peace at the beginning of the game. Technology is far enough advanced, simple things like rubble might not matter at the end of the day. Kanoka Disks, for example, are in use. Use a couple shrinking ones.  Metal is precious here, and many citizens are turning over metal trinkets, whether willingly or by force, to melt down for weapons.
 
All citizens of Po-Metru understand the need to protect themselves, and this has resulted in a swelling of the army. Craftsman have become engineers and Carvers have become weaponsmiths. A lesser populated Metru, but it does boast the largest standing army.
 
Akhmou is confident in his rule, but little has been seen of him since the alliances fell apart. The other Metru push propaganda and rumors that Akhmou is sick and dying, but there's little indication to his actual state of health. Akhmou was inherently evil, and his quiet disappearance would be a wise choice in order to expand his character more, but with the limited information here I can't tell if you're trying to do that or if you're trying to make it seem cool because of mystery. That's called the "plot" and I won't be leaking it. Plot or not, I'd like confirmation you're not just trying to pass this off as cool by being ridiculously vague. He's absent for plotline reasons, there is a story behind it, and I have about two pages of notes just regarding Akhmou and possible outcomes. I want to say for about 80% of the game I have different outcomes planned for what the players push for. The Legacy system I have in place will ensure that the game is more player run versus plot directed, but guidance is provided to prevent a super sandbox war game.
 
The disappearance of Akhmou is disturbing for the war. Without a strong leader, will this Metru too split into war for control? The collapse of Po-Metru will lead to months of quick, bloody fighting as the other Metru stomp on them like some Rahi.
 
Onu-Metru:
 
Construction of the Archives have come to a complete stop, with few tunnels reaching out from under their native district. What tunnels that are completed have become military bunkers, store rooms, and even shelter from fearful citizens above. A large amount of citizens from all districts have fled to this underground safety, and Mavrah has let them; he knows that anything they produce will eventually help the war effort for Onu-Metru. The explosion of population have turned many tunnels into crowded slums and shantytowns where the refugees live and crime swells. The more productive, valuable refugees live closer to the Military forces; a perk for being helpful. A minor issue I notice here is that this is perhaps too close of a representation of real-life cities, so adding some more Bionicle lore to the situation would ease it up a bit. Otherwise, good job. Nitpick is nitpick. Problem is problem. You asked for my opinion on the matter, and you can either work with the recommendation or leave it be and pray it scoots by the judges. I don't see the issue myself. A representation of real-life is all writing, in one way or another. For example, in the base BZPRPG there are bars; bars didn't exist in the Canon of Bionicle, but there is no issue there even though it is a representation of real-life. I'm not trying to make a social statement here by putting that description in place; it is what it is, and I find it can add a level of tension to the game.
 
Mavrah has shown a noticeable lack on aggression toward the other districts, leading many to believe he is neutral in the war.  This seems incredibly well planned. Mavrah would be the type of Matoran to take charge, and the type to silently declare neutrality. Crafters and miners have been requested to aid Onu-Metru in deepening the tunnels of the Archives to access materials beneath the city; not all that answer the call return to the upper levels.
 
Mavrah currently seems obsessed with what the Archives was supposed to be used for, and the tools for making it operate. It's not known if this is a simple obsession or something different.
 
I am most cautious in Onu-Metru. They seem friendly, but I don't trust them. I don't trust anybody in this city anymore. But, I take heart in knowing the non-combatants can find some peace down here in the darkness.
 
 
Le-Metru:
 
The most damaged out of any Metru, Le-Metru suffered multiple attacks early in the war that crippled their Airship fleet and has forced Kongu onto the defensive for the war. Would these airships possibly make a return at some point?  Most likely. I like airships. Many Metru blocks are leveled or are only half-standing, and chutes litter the streets. Most of the population has retreated to the South of the Metru, away from the war. One of the only Metru to see a large wild Rahi population, the Northern parts of the Metru are extremely dangerous at night.
 
Kongu is attempting to regain control of the district as a whole, but infighting amongst the Le-Matoran have made his job difficult and have spread fear that Le-Metru will fall to another Metru sooner or later. Kongu has dubbed his forces the Le-Metru Loyalists, while the “rebels” believe that Kongu will only drag them down farther, if that is even possible. It is not known who leads the rebels currently, or if they are even operating under one banner. It might be helpful to have at least a hint of a clue, to prevent the sudden appearance of a faction specifically designed to take over this rebel group. Plot again. But as for some random faction taking over the rebel group(s)? That's not happening. You keep labeling everything as plot and expecting us to deal with it. We need a little more reason to want an RPG here. I offer the players the option to find out more about the rebel(s) group(s). What they pursue and reveal is the way the story will turn and twist.
 
Kongu seems confident amongst all this though; in recent appearances, he has appeared cocky and smug, as if he has a card up his sleeve nobody else knows about.
 
The split of the Metru into two factions invites outside interference from the other Metru. If Kongu doesn't get control quickly, I foreseen his life to come to a very quick end.
 
 
Ga-Metru:
 
The once shining and beautiful schools and temples of Ga-Metru have turned into homes, forts, and stores for the large population now residing there. Many of the waterways have become clogged with rubble from the early years of the war, and the few that flow are used to move large amounts of Matoran, parts, food, and anything else the Metru needs. The Great Temple stands in ruins, abandoned given the distance from the mainland. Ports are full of ships of all sizes; almost all of them carrying weaponry and guarded by the small, yet skilled Ga-Matoran Military. It isn't wise to stroll about the docks; that's a good way to get thrown on a boat to another Metru. It seems that instead of asking for peace, it's more of a let's-not-be-capable situation. They have weapons, they have boats, they have skill, they are a threat; why not tell the other Metru to back off or else? if anything, they'll go back to fighting between Ta and Po until they're all dead. Asking for the universal peace of the whole island but not using any force to back that statement is something Macku would definitely not be dim-witted enough to do. Their military force is not large enough to challenge the other Metru. They have boats, they have weapons, but they don't have the manpower. The "small, yet skilled" military. Doesn't matter how skilled you are, throw enough bodies at an army, they'll break. Then the ridiculous idea of attempting to smash the other Metru into submission shouldn't even be nagging Macku right now. It's not nagging Macku. She's not the one pushing the idea, it's the people under her. Check the third paragraph of this section.
 
Ga-Metru has claimed neutrality in the war, lacking a large population trained in any form of combat. A large fleet of ships, however, has provided the bulk of Ga-Metru's defense. Refugees from other parts of the city have loaned their skills and talents to bettering the weapons and defenses of these ships, making it a force not to trifle with. Yet, they're basically asking to be trifled with. Nobody is going to worry about the Metru that doesn't want to fight in the war.
 
Macku regularly sends out calls for peace to the other leaders in the conflict, but to date, all have been ignored. Because nobody can get to Ta-Metru and Po-Metru, Le-Metru has no solid leadership, and Onu-Metru is too worried. Just because the way is guarded to a Metru, doesn't mean nobody can get there. Doesn't answer the point. Why send letters of peace to nations that aren't fighting Ga-Metru, which will only make them mad and attack? And don't say PLOT. Ga-Metru is trying to mediate the ongoing war to an end, that's Macku's goal even though Ga-Metru could just ride it out in peace. History gives us plenty of examples of a third party trying to resolve a war between two unrelated parties. Same thing here. And why would a call for peace make them mad and attack? Nothing to lose by ignoring it; Macku isn't going to attack as long as she is in power *hint hint* A growing portion of the population desire Ga-Metru to take the offensive and use the mighty fleet to crush the other Metru's and return peace by force. It is unknown how long Macku can ignore these calls.
 
On the other hand, a group of Matoran seek to flee to the Southern parts of the Universe; away from the conflict altogether. Macku has warned them that they cannot leave, as every ship is needed. Again, it is unknown if this warning will be backed with force.
 
The only Metru I have visited that seems to push for peace on a daily basis. But every time they are ignored, they grow more and more bitter. I ask when will their backs break from the straw being loaded on them? When will the Ga-Matoran march to war and burn the city down with them?
 
Ko-Metru:
 
Early in the war, the scientists of Ko-Metru began experimentation on a powerful weapon to help win the war for their side. Internal pressures from then-Metru Leader Nuju and resource starvation from outside led to multiple mistakes being made that ultimately ended up with the weapon detonating.
 
Most of the Metru now lays barren and covered in the rubble of broken tech and crystal towers. A few towers were left intact at the edges of the Metru, but otherwise the Metru of Ice is no more.
 
I was on the outskirts when the....weapon detonated. A brilliant flash of energy, and what wasn't instantly vaporized was shattered into uncountable pieces. A good friend of mine was several blocks ahead and I watched as his body disappear into a mist. That is an incredibly precise weapon. Completely disintergrates everything up to a certain point but doesn't effect anything beyond that, based on Xavis' survival.  Are you questioning the technology level of a city sitting inside a giant robot's head? Yes I am. Everything has to be concise here. You wanted the loopholes pulled, and I'm pulling one.  Again, the weapon in question is another level of story the players can pursue. Whatever the weapon does, how it works, the accuracy of same weapon, will be revealed if pursued reasonably by the players. If you're expecting me to tell you all the great details about it, that's not going to happen because that is, like it or not, important to this particular plot line. I'm not gonna spoil it. Whatever the Ko-Matoran found, must be kept buried.
 
Coliseum:
 
Deserted and in ruins. A heavy fog rests around the base, and there is a strong feeling of being watched while moving through the area. While still standing, the area around it is cracking and full of holes from battles. Traps and mines are littered throughout, making the Coliseum the most dangerous part of the city. The Coliseum lies directly in the center of multiple ranges of fire, making any trip there highly dangerous. Some say the Turaga still resides in the very top of the building, but the last group of Matoran that went up the staircases never returned.
 
The Coliseum. My body aches seeing it like this. The good memories of this location are being replaced by sights of the dead, the destruction, and the decay. If the Turaga is still up there, I hope he lives in guilt for abandoning us to this fate. If the Turaga's still up there, he's dead. If it's the most dangerous part of the city, then no nutrients can get to him and he dies. P-p-p-p-plot. For crying out loud, how is the circumstance of a man starving to death plot? If this entire RPG is driven around a predetermined plot, it's going to crash down faster than Asylum did. It's not running to a predetermined plot. Ever play Fallout NV? Everything the players do, or don't do, is going to change the ultimate ending of the war. Who wins? Who dies? What about the rest of the universe? Players act, I'm just reacting. I have this thought out.
 
 
NPC SYSTEM:
 
You can form your own squad of troops for combat in battles if you would like! I mean, what fun is a game about war if you can't be in charge, right? Whoa whoa whoa. Bad idea. Giving players four fightbots armed to the teeth with as much combat experience as they want, whenever they want, to become living targets to protect their player and allow for even more ridiculous plot-breaking devices than godmodding or bunnying? Son, I know what I'm doing. They might be NPCs under the player. But they are still NPCs and they live and die on my whim. Which will make nobody want them and make this the most unused portion of the game, son. Just because I have final say doesn't mean I'm looking to take them out left and right. I have faith in the player base to be reasonable in their actions regarding the NPCs. If there's an issue, I'll handle it. It's pretty simple: Simply create up to four NPC characters using the following form:
 
Name:
Gender:
Species:
Appearance:
Weapons/Tools:
Weakness:
 
Once that is done, create a name for your squad, choose which Metru they fight for, and select one of your Characters as the leader of the squad. Once this is done, PM it to a/the GM. Once approved, post it in the discussion thread and begin playing!
 
Want to form a squad with player characters? Go right ahead! A much better idea is to have a squad made entirely of player characters instead of NPCs. It gives a much better chance of fair play, and something to ally yourself to instead of the main factions. There is no other factions in the game except the ones listed. If players want to form squads together, they can. But the other Metru aren't gonna let a upstart faction last long enough to even be of note. That kinda takes the fun out of the game here. If there's enough neutral players, they will form a faction and they will break one of the Metru. Pulling ridiculous trump cards out of your pocket to slaughter everything in site when it happens will only break the game.  Fair enough. I encourage you guys to work together. One rule though: All players can only have two squads under their command at any time, but they can be part of as many squads as they want.
 
NOTE: Your NPC(s) are not invincible. I will be watching the usage of these characters carefully. They will most likely die. If they avoided death in some way or another, I will expect a good explanation IC. This isn't going to stop the abuse of these character's abilities and lifespan. No, it's not. Thus the GM watching over the game and making sure rules aren't broken. In order to do that, you're gonna needto fix a lot of the other problems here. That's the reason for all this discussion.
 
NOTE 2: You can turn your NPCs into actual Characters: Just fill out the PC form for them and post it. It'll be considered pre-approved if it hasn't changed from the NPC form. If it has changed AT ALL, it will need approval again.
 
NOTE 3: Remember, you are in a military force with a leader and a chain of command. You can go crazy and do what you want, just remember that there are consequences for everything.
 
NOTE 4: Noncombatant characters cannot form squads.
 
LEGACY SYSTEM:
 
What is the Legacy System? Well, it is a promotion through the ranks for each character in the game. Depending on how well your character fights or shows diplomatic cunning, it is possible for you to move up the ranks; you can go from being a single soldier to commanding all squads for the district. It is even possible for you to run a district in the war, if the previous leader is killed off. This idea is interesting. It'll require tweaking, of course, and while I have no comment on it at the moment it does show promise.
 
NPC CHARACTERS: I removed the more tags so it would be easier to see.
 
Name: Jaller
Gender: Male
Species: Ta-Matoran
Appearance: You want to put url instead of link here. Appearance Same with here. I fixed it and that's why this one works.
Loyalty: Ta-Metru
Weapons/Tools: Broad Sword
Personality: Jaller is a fierce, confident leader. He does not handle being questioned well and expects 110% from everybody under his command. Failure is a dirty word in his vocabulary and anybody that doesn't succeed at the mission will face harsh repercussions. Incredibly out-of-character for Jaller. Commented on this above.
 
On the other hand, those that follow out his orders successfully and completely will see much favor fall upon them. Jaller, in short, is your best friend, but worst enemy.
 
Name: Ahkmou
Gender: Male
Species: Po-Matoran
Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/5/5a/MNOGII_Ahkmou.png]Appearance[/link]
Loyalty: Po-Metru
Weapons/Tools: Short Warclub
Personality: The last seen of Ahkmou was that of a schemer, one that would bribe his way to get his deals rather than using brute force or diplomatic finesse. A good word to describe his personality was slimy, and a running joke was that he would sell his right arm just to get another arm he liked. More in-character than the other description.
 
His form of leadership is very much “carrot/stick” and only a few of men have seen the end of the stick. They don't talk about the meetings.
 
 
Name: Macku
Gender: Female
Species: Ga-Matoran
Appearance: [link=Apperance]http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/4/45/MNOGII_Macku.png]Apperance]Appearance[/link]
Loyalty: Neutral Ga-Metru
Weapons/Tools: Trident
Personality: The once caring and compassionate Macku has become firm and assertive in the war. Very confusing, this. Extremely war-hardened, yet does nothing but proclaim peace all day, and expects routine service from all her soldiers. Just because you can handle yourself in a fight and expect things to get done from the people under you, doesn't mean you're always gearing for a fight. And not gearing for a fight in the middle of a war with factions all around you is suicide.  I think you missed the point in the Ga-Metru description where it said the Naval Fleet was heavily armed and highly skilled. They are geared up, just not looking for war. I used the incorrect phrasing. As the High Admiral of the Ga-Metru fleet, she expects a high level of discipline and order from all her people and from the refugees.
 
Don't mistake her open arms to neutral parties as an invitation to slack off; Although for now it seems as though it's for all parties. if you're in her district and you aren't working to better it, she'll hand-put you on a one way raft to the neighboring Metru; it's understood they make great targets for practice.
 
Name: Mavrah
Gender: Male
Species: Onu-Matoran
Appearance: [link=Appearance[/link]https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5547/14560758525_1f88fbb52f_b.jpg]Appearance[/link] (Credit to ...The Chosen One...)
Loyalty: Onu-Metru
Weapons/Tools: None
Personality: Mavrah is a quiet individual, and prefers to communicate all his orders via the written word over speaking; it's not known if he is mute or just lacks the will to speak. His orders, however, are simple, short, and sometimes more vague than you would like. It's believed Marvah wants to see his troops approach problems creatively instead of being walked through them.
 
His obsession with the Archive Program has made him rather cold socially, and more times than not will prevent guests and even his generals from interrupting him.
 
[more=Kongu]Name: Kongu
Gender: Male
Species: Le-Matoran
Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/thumb/0/06/Kongu.png/250px-Kongu.png]Appearance[/link]
Loyalty: Kongu's Le-Metru
Weapons/Tools: Modified Air Drill
Personality: Kongu is the most dangerous of the six leaders to approach, and this is because of his erratic behavior. He can bounce from trusting a being to believing they betrayed him in a short time span, and is known for killing or jailing some of his generals on a whim. A strongly accepted opinion is that the destruction of the Metru, along with the splintering of his army, has driven him mad.
 
Still, Kongu does present an air of confidence; no matter what he says or does, he does it with everything he has, no hesitation. This has earned him the nickname of “Wild Card” among the other leaders. Why hasn't there been a Metru-wide revolt at this point? Kongu is basically Hitler right now. Even Hitler had followers. This actually seems more reasonable, considering how many people are following the other leaders.
 
 
PROFILE:
 
Name:
 
No Bob, Greg, or ToaDude1234997. If you need to ask, “Is this name okay for use?” It probably isn't.
 
 
Gender:
 
Self-explanatory.
 
 
Species:
 
Matoran only, but you get to pick from Ta, Ga, Le, Onu, Po, and Ko. Species-specific powers apply(i.e., Po-Matoran are stronger...). And you should probably list the rest of the attributes... Good idea.
 
Appearance:
 
Either a picture or three sentences describing the way they look. You do NOT have to follow any color scheme whatsoever. Just remember, if you look like the enemy....
 
Loyalty:
 
Which Metru do you fight for? Or none? Ta, Po, Ga, Onu, or Le(Loyalists or Rebels.), and last but not least, Neutral. Once again, player-controlled factions. Once again, a small upstart faction is going to get crushed by the other Metru. I'd say Neutral is the closest to a player-controlled faction... Commented on this above.
 
Weapons/Tools:
 
Swords, clubs, maces, knives, shields, and other run-of-the-mill weaponry is allowed. Kanoka Disc Launchers are also allowed, but all disks are Power Level 3. All Disk Powers are allowed, Even reconstitute at random?  I've been thinking about that one. Think about it more. You don't want to arm players with an instakill weapon. but be warned: Using them for Godmodding purposes will result in a Disk Launcher backfire for your character.
 
Stronger, special disks will be given out as rewards. Given that Metru-Nui was incredibly high-tech, I will allow custom technologies, one per character(Go crazy and creative on this! I want to see what you can pull out of your hat.).
 
Weakness:
 
A weakness can be physical, social, or mental. Be creative.
 
 
Biography(Optional):
 
What was your character doing when the balloon went up? What are they doing now?
 
Personality:
 
How will your character react to the world around them? Do they have certain quirks?
 
 
RULES:
 
1. Follow all site rules.
2. Play nice.
3. No Godmodding, Unauthorized bunnying, or other actions that are likely to tick everybody off.
4. You are not going to kill hundreds of enemies with one swing of your sword, so go away Conan.
5. Nor are you going to destroy city blocks in one hit. Massive amounts of destruction must be approved first.
6. Have fun!
 
Overall, I really like this. The idea is nice, and while it does feel like a clone of Wasteland in some places, it's got promise. However, you gotta eat the meat and spit out the bones, and there's some crippling problems that need to be addressed. And it seems like you're dodging most of the issues I've presented with "plot" or "It'll just happen" or "I know what I'm doing". And being a good judge, I cannot at all take your word for your maximum ability. Seeing that your explanations for some of these problems only the matters far worse, I recommend reading everything over again and try to poke holes in your own plot. It'll make it a lot stronger and hopefully last through the judges, who will find a lot more problems than I'm finding.

 

 

 

@Strider!:

 

 There is virtually nil plantlife in the city. However, there is large amount of Rahi moving about at night, most notably in North Le-Metru where the damage is the heaviest.

 

 @Silvan Haven:

 

 Good idea on the RNG disks. I may create a list of what the disks actually do when striking objects, whether player or environment.

 

 And as I type this, regarding the player factions, I'm starting to agree with Ghidora a lot more. I'll revamp the factions involved, see about updating Metru leaders, and I may just overhaul Ga-Metru altogether. Seems like it makes sense in my head, but doesn't mean it'll make sense to everybody else.

[The UltimoScorp]

That does sort of bring the question of what those rahi would be feeding on....

 

I think Ga- Metru works fine personally, a more neutral ground of sorts would probably be a pleasant, if uneasy area.

 

In a game this large in scope, I'd be hesitant to have player factions, since Player spread can and has killed games before. 

[Silvan Haven]

The idea that came to mind for the RaR disks was that you could have a list of basic traits. Those get picked by the RNG and then you tell the player the results and they fill in the details.

 

Saves you a bit of work and makes the results more properly random IC.

 

 

The almost total lack of plantlife does make me question where the supplies for each Metru comes from. Originally everyone would go to a recharging station in Ga-Metru once a year. With a war going on and everybody walling themselves off new lines of energy will be needed.

 

As far as Ga-Metru itself goes, I also like it how it is. It makes sense that the district filled with schools and temples would try to stay neutral in a conflict like this.

[The UltimoScorp]

Maybe they still go once a year, and Ga Metru threatens to destroy the chargers if they're attacked, giving them an advantage and leverage for their neutrality?

[Silvan Haven]

That could very well be it, and if this is still early in the war it would be before the inevitable attack by a faction trying to secure the energy for themselves.

 

Oh yeah, in response to your comment about player spread. It is a risk, true. But I feel that a faction capable of surviving the manhunt after their creation will probably be active enough to not kill the game. The minor ones that were made just because somebody wanted their own faction are not going to last long.

[Ghidora131]

 I need to apologize, my responses yesterday weren't the kindest nor the most understanding nor the best in explanation. I had an event happen shortly before I began responding to the criticism, and it was easier to deal with that in a poor manner than react reasonably.

 

I'm sorry for any inconveniences or problems that have come up for you. I understand; I just had a close relative die recently.

 

 

 

Fallen City, V0.54

 

 Have at it, pick it apart, lemme know your most honest thoughts. I want no lies, no bush beating, and no hidden comment.

 

Well, here we go. Red is for problems, and blue is for successes. Hidden comments don't work too well on the quote background because they don't blend in, or maybe they do...

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

FALLEN CITY

 

“There is no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.” - Unknown

 

“Why do men fight that were born to be brothers?” - Gen. James Longstreet, C.S.A.

 

INTRO:

 

From the writings of Xavis, Metru-Nui Historian:

 

It has been several years now since brother turned against brother, swords were forged, and blood spilled in Metru-Nui. I have been approached by many of my friends, and many more strangers asking me to take down their stories, their lives, so it won't be lost if they don't survive the night.

 

I am hesitant to take their stories, as I fear I would grow emotionally involved in the conflict, and my writings would become biased to one side or another. But in another breath I recognize that there really isn't any true hero in this war. This war was born of greed and envy, a desire to take what belonged to a brother, a sister, a friend, an innocent.

 

But those brothers, those sisters, friends and innocents have changed. The body count grows, the fire burns hotter, and the role of the pacifist has become an increasingly dangerous position to have.

 

This once was a great city, my past writings reflect that. But as this war drags on and on, I fear my writings will only survive to be collected as a warning to future beings. A warning of war, from a fallen city.

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

CURRENT EVENTS/QUESTS/DEATHS:

 

 

INTRO/YOUR ROLE:

 

The role of the Matoran is this role has changed greatly since the outbreak of war several years ago. The once respected Mask Makers now forge instruments of war in their forges. The hardy craftsmen now wield sword and shield instead of pick and hammer. The wise teachers teach their pupils on the weak spots of armor instead of the history of Metru-Nui.

 

The same vibration can be felt throughout the city, the humming beat of war. The rules are simple: Fight or Die. All is permitted except for defeat.

 

Welcome to Fallen City.

 

Metru-Nui, once the most advanced center in the Universe has descended into primitive conflict between the six Metru. At the start of this game, an uneasy peace has fallen over the city, with the expectation of renewal of war hanging heavy in the air.

 

LOCATIONS:

 

Ta-Metru:

 

Once the bustling center of masks and tools, the Metru of Fire has changed their production standards to armor and weapons. Every building that can produce some good is spewing black smoke into the sky, giving Ta-Metru a dirty feel in the air. Most surfaces are darkened, and the once gleaming red towers are now black and ill looking, an analogy for most of the city. This seems to fit a gloomy Metru Nui very well. This portion, anyway.

 

The citizens of the Metru are dirty and weary, the long hours at the forges leaves them little time for rest. Complaints of a cough circulate the Metru, but officially no such thing exists. Is this portion of the plot relevant, or does this refer to something aside from a lung irritation?  The location descriptions also give info about what is currently happening. That is currently happening. The streets are crowded as one moves into the center of the city, leaving the outskirts are all but abandoned. Don't mistake it for easy raiding though; it's thick with landmines and traps. Which makes me wonder how anyone gets in or out. Plot-wise it's acceptable, but not when you're trying to traverse. The inhabitants of the district know how to get in and out. Then you better list this in the description for Ta-Matoran. That gives me an idea for certain information regarding the Matoran of the different Metru; Metru specific knowledge. Huh. Filing that away.

 

Jaller, a former Mask Maker, has claimed leadership of the district. He has clamped down on the production, increasing quotas for weapons and armor, while constantly pulling fresh recruits into his army. One would be unwise to grumble however; a reward system has been put into place for calling out dissenters. It might be a good idea to use someone aside from Jaller for this, because Jaller was not the kind of Matoran to turn into a rough & tough soldier of war. He wasn't even rough & tough as a Toa. Jaller, ATM, is the only leader I'm still debating on keeping. There's too many cons and few too many pros, but I don't want to put in a OC.

 

I knew Jaller well before the war. In fact, he was the one that crafted my new mask after I broke it during a sporting event. Then he was kind and humorous. His voice now carries danger and rage. I haven't introduced myself since I've been in the district.

 

Po-Metru:

 

The once empty plains of Po-Metru's Sculpture Field have become thick with camps and bonfires; a sign that this is no longer a united city. Easily the most militant of the districts, all direct access points to Po-Metru have been either sealed with large pieces of rubble or are so heavily guarded, any form of attack is suicide. So how is there war? They can't be reached, the only real threat they have is Onu-Metru because Ta-Metru has trapped itself behind landmines, and every other area is either hiding or incredibly feeble. Again, uneasy peace at the beginning of the game. Technology is far enough advanced, simple things like rubble might not matter at the end of the day. Kanoka Disks, for example, are in use. Use a couple shrinking ones.  Metal is precious here, and many citizens are turning over metal trinkets, whether willingly or by force, to melt down for weapons.

 

All citizens of Po-Metru understand the need to protect themselves, and this has resulted in a swelling of the army. Craftsman have become engineers and Carvers have become weaponsmiths. A lesser populated Metru, but it does boast the largest standing army.

 

Akhmou is confident in his rule, but little has been seen of him since the alliances fell apart. The other Metru push propaganda and rumors that Akhmou is sick and dying, but there's little indication to his actual state of health. Akhmou was inherently evil, and his quiet disappearance would be a wise choice in order to expand his character more, but with the limited information here I can't tell if you're trying to do that or if you're trying to make it seem cool because of mystery. That's called the "plot" and I won't be leaking it. Plot or not, I'd like confirmation you're not just trying to pass this off as cool by being ridiculously vague. He's absent for plotline reasons, there is a story behind it, and I have about two pages of notes just regarding Akhmou and possible outcomes. I want to say for about 80% of the game I have different outcomes planned for what the players push for. The Legacy system I have in place will ensure that the game is more player run versus plot directed, but guidance is provided to prevent a super sandbox war game. The legacy system is a good idea, although that wasn't what I was asking, but you appear to be prepared for possible outcomes. Solved, as far as I can see.

 

The disappearance of Akhmou is disturbing for the war. Without a strong leader, will this Metru too split into war for control? The collapse of Po-Metru will lead to months of quick, bloody fighting as the other Metru stomp on them like some Rahi.

 

Onu-Metru:

 

Construction of the Archives have come to a complete stop, with few tunnels reaching out from under their native district. What tunnels that are completed have become military bunkers, store rooms, and even shelter from fearful citizens above. A large amount of citizens from all districts have fled to this underground safety, and Mavrah has let them; he knows that anything they produce will eventually help the war effort for Onu-Metru. The explosion of population have turned many tunnels into crowded slums and shantytowns where the refugees live and crime swells. The more productive, valuable refugees live closer to the Military forces; a perk for being helpful. A minor issue I notice here is that this is perhaps too close of a representation of real-life cities, so adding some more Bionicle lore to the situation would ease it up a bit. Otherwise, good job. Nitpick is nitpick. Problem is problem. You asked for my opinion on the matter, and you can either work with the recommendation or leave it be and pray it scoots by the judges. I don't see the issue myself. A representation of real-life is all writing, in one way or another. For example, in the base BZPRPG there are bars; bars didn't exist in the Canon of Bionicle, but there is no issue there even though it is a representation of real-life. I'm not trying to make a social statement here by putting that description in place; it is what it is, and I find it can add a level of tension to the game. Tension or not, you'd best set some rules as to how lifelike things can get there, or Onu-Metru is going to become Bionicle GTA.

 

Mavrah has shown a noticeable lack on aggression toward the other districts, leading many to believe he is neutral in the war.  This seems incredibly well planned. Mavrah would be the type of Matoran to take charge, and the type to silently declare neutrality. Crafters and miners have been requested to aid Onu-Metru in deepening the tunnels of the Archives to access materials beneath the city; not all that answer the call return to the upper levels.

 

Mavrah currently seems obsessed with what the Archives was supposed to be used for, and the tools for making it operate. It's not known if this is a simple obsession or something different.

 

I am most cautious in Onu-Metru. They seem friendly, but I don't trust them. I don't trust anybody in this city anymore. But, I take heart in knowing the non-combatants can find some peace down here in the darkness.

 

 

Le-Metru:

 

The most damaged out of any Metru, Le-Metru suffered multiple attacks early in the war that crippled their Airship fleet and has forced Kongu onto the defensive for the war. Would these airships possibly make a return at some point?  Most likely. I like airships. Many Metru blocks are leveled or are only half-standing, and chutes litter the streets. Most of the population has retreated to the South of the Metru, away from the war. One of the only Metru to see a large wild Rahi population, the Northern parts of the Metru are extremely dangerous at night.

 

Kongu is attempting to regain control of the district as a whole, but infighting amongst the Le-Matoran have made his job difficult and have spread fear that Le-Metru will fall to another Metru sooner or later. Kongu has dubbed his forces the Le-Metru Loyalists, while the “rebels” believe that Kongu will only drag them down farther, if that is even possible. It is not known who leads the rebels currently, or if they are even operating under one banner. It might be helpful to have at least a hint of a clue, to prevent the sudden appearance of a faction specifically designed to take over this rebel group. Plot again. But as for some random faction taking over the rebel group(s)? That's not happening. You keep labeling everything as plot and expecting us to deal with it. We need a little more reason to want an RPG here. I offer the players the option to find out more about the rebel(s) group(s). What they pursue and reveal is the way the story will turn and twist.

 

Kongu seems confident amongst all this though; in recent appearances, he has appeared cocky and smug, as if he has a card up his sleeve nobody else knows about.

 

The split of the Metru into two factions invites outside interference from the other Metru. If Kongu doesn't get control quickly, I foreseen his life to come to a very quick end.

 

 

Ga-Metru:

 

The once shining and beautiful schools and temples of Ga-Metru have turned into homes, forts, and stores for the large population now residing there. Many of the waterways have become clogged with rubble from the early years of the war, and the few that flow are used to move large amounts of Matoran, parts, food, and anything else the Metru needs. The Great Temple stands in ruins, abandoned given the distance from the mainland. Ports are full of ships of all sizes; almost all of them carrying weaponry and guarded by the small, yet skilled Ga-Matoran Military. It isn't wise to stroll about the docks; that's a good way to get thrown on a boat to another Metru. It seems that instead of asking for peace, it's more of a let's-not-be-capable situation. They have weapons, they have boats, they have skill, they are a threat; why not tell the other Metru to back off or else? if anything, they'll go back to fighting between Ta and Po until they're all dead. Asking for the universal peace of the whole island but not using any force to back that statement is something Macku would definitely not be dim-witted enough to do. Their military force is not large enough to challenge the other Metru. They have boats, they have weapons, but they don't have the manpower. The "small, yet skilled" military. Doesn't matter how skilled you are, throw enough bodies at an army, they'll break. Then the ridiculous idea of attempting to smash the other Metru into submission shouldn't even be nagging Macku right now. It's not nagging Macku. She's not the one pushing the idea, it's the people under her. Check the third paragraph of this section.

 

Ga-Metru has claimed neutrality in the war, lacking a large population trained in any form of combat. A large fleet of ships, however, has provided the bulk of Ga-Metru's defense. Refugees from other parts of the city have loaned their skills and talents to bettering the weapons and defenses of these ships, making it a force not to trifle with. Yet, they're basically asking to be trifled with. Nobody is going to worry about the Metru that doesn't want to fight in the war. Null point; you retconned it later down.

 

Macku regularly sends out calls for peace to the other leaders in the conflict, but to date, all have been ignored. Because nobody can get to Ta-Metru and Po-Metru, Le-Metru has no solid leadership, and Onu-Metru is too worried. Just because the way is guarded to a Metru, doesn't mean nobody can get there. Doesn't answer the point. Why send letters of peace to nations that aren't fighting Ga-Metru, which will only make them mad and attack? And don't say PLOT. Ga-Metru is trying to mediate the ongoing war to an end, that's Macku's goal even though Ga-Metru could just ride it out in peace. History gives us plenty of examples of a third party trying to resolve a war between two unrelated parties. Same thing here. And why would a call for peace make them mad and attack? Nothing to lose by ignoring it; Macku isn't going to attack as long as she is in power *hint hint* Then this solves the issue of her being worried by the idea of attacking them because you just said it was never going to happen. A growing portion of the population desire Ga-Metru to take the offensive and use the mighty fleet to crush the other Metru's and return peace by force. It is unknown how long Macku can ignore these calls.

 

On the other hand, a group of Matoran seek to flee to the Southern parts of the Universe; away from the conflict altogether. Macku has warned them that they cannot leave, as every ship is needed. Again, it is unknown if this warning will be backed with force.

 

The only Metru I have visited that seems to push for peace on a daily basis. But every time they are ignored, they grow more and more bitter. I ask when will their backs break from the straw being loaded on them? When will the Ga-Matoran march to war and burn the city down with them?

 

Ko-Metru:

 

Early in the war, the scientists of Ko-Metru began experimentation on a powerful weapon to help win the war for their side. Internal pressures from then-Metru Leader Nuju and resource starvation from outside led to multiple mistakes being made that ultimately ended up with the weapon detonating.

 

Most of the Metru now lays barren and covered in the rubble of broken tech and crystal towers. A few towers were left intact at the edges of the Metru, but otherwise the Metru of Ice is no more.

 

I was on the outskirts when the....weapon detonated. A brilliant flash of energy, and what wasn't instantly vaporized was shattered into uncountable pieces. A good friend of mine was several blocks ahead and I watched as his body disappear into a mist. That is an incredibly precise weapon. Completely disintergrates everything up to a certain point but doesn't effect anything beyond that, based on Xavis' survival.  Are you questioning the technology level of a city sitting inside a giant robot's head? Yes I am. Everything has to be concise here. You wanted the loopholes pulled, and I'm pulling one.  Again, the weapon in question is another level of story the players can pursue. Whatever the weapon does, how it works, the accuracy of same weapon, will be revealed if pursued reasonably by the players. If you're expecting me to tell you all the great details about it, that's not going to happen because that is, like it or not, important to this particular plot line. I'm not gonna spoil it. I'm not asking you for the details for the plot device you have in store. I'm asking why does it have such ridiculous physics in a universe very closely following earth physics? Unless the device alters reality and therefore brings in new physics, you have the most peculiar and ridiculous piece of machinery there. Whatever the Ko-Matoran found, must be kept buried. I agree.

 

Coliseum:

 

Deserted and in ruins. A heavy fog rests around the base, and there is a strong feeling of being watched while moving through the area. While still standing, the area around it is cracking and full of holes from battles. Traps and mines are littered throughout, making the Coliseum the most dangerous part of the city. The Coliseum lies directly in the center of multiple ranges of fire, making any trip there highly dangerous. Some say the Turaga still resides in the very top of the building, but the last group of Matoran that went up the staircases never returned.

 

The Coliseum. My body aches seeing it like this. The good memories of this location are being replaced by sights of the dead, the destruction, and the decay. If the Turaga is still up there, I hope he lives in guilt for abandoning us to this fate. If the Turaga's still up there, he's dead. If it's the most dangerous part of the city, then no nutrients can get to him and he dies. P-p-p-p-plot. For crying out loud, how is the circumstance of a man starving to death plot? If this entire RPG is driven around a predetermined plot, it's going to crash down faster than Asylum did. It's not running to a predetermined plot. Ever play Fallout NV? Everything the players do, or don't do, is going to change the ultimate ending of the war. Who wins? Who dies? What about the rest of the universe? Players act, I'm just reacting. I have this thought out.

 

 

NPC SYSTEM:

 

You can form your own squad of troops for combat in battles if you would like! I mean, what fun is a game about war if you can't be in charge, right? Whoa whoa whoa. Bad idea. Giving players four fightbots armed to the teeth with as much combat experience as they want, whenever they want, to become living targets to protect their player and allow for even more ridiculous plot-breaking devices than godmodding or bunnying? Son, I know what I'm doing. They might be NPCs under the player. But they are still NPCs and they live and die on my whim. Which will make nobody want them and make this the most unused portion of the game, son. Just because I have final say doesn't mean I'm looking to take them out left and right. I have faith in the player base to be reasonable in their actions regarding the NPCs. If there's an issue, I'll handle it. Until literally everyone has them and arguments pop up on lethal potential of one attack while other groups godmod each other to death. It's happened before, and it will happen again. It's pretty simple: Simply create up to four NPC characters using the following form:

 

Name:

Gender:

Species:

Appearance:

Weapons/Tools:

Weakness:

 

Once that is done, create a name for your squad, choose which Metru they fight for, and select one of your Characters as the leader of the squad. Once this is done, PM it to a/the GM. Once approved, post it in the discussion thread and begin playing!

 

Want to form a squad with player characters? Go right ahead! A much better idea is to have a squad made entirely of player characters instead of NPCs. It gives a much better chance of fair play, and something to ally yourself to instead of the main factions. There is no other factions in the game except the ones listed. If players want to form squads together, they can. But the other Metru aren't gonna let a upstart faction last long enough to even be of note. That kinda takes the fun out of the game here. If there's enough neutral players, they will form a faction and they will break one of the Metru. Pulling ridiculous trump cards out of your pocket to slaughter everything in site when it happens will only break the game.  Fair enough. I encourage you guys to work together. One rule though: All players can only have two squads under their command at any time, but they can be part of as many squads as they want.

 

NOTE: Your NPC(s) are not invincible. I will be watching the usage of these characters carefully. They will most likely die. If they avoided death in some way or another, I will expect a good explanation IC. This isn't going to stop the abuse of these character's abilities and lifespan. No, it's not. Thus the GM watching over the game and making sure rules aren't broken. In order to do that, you're gonna need to fix a lot of the other problems here. That's the reason for all this discussion. I know.

 

NOTE 2: You can turn your NPCs into actual Characters: Just fill out the PC form for them and post it. It'll be considered pre-approved if it hasn't changed from the NPC form. If it has changed AT ALL, it will need approval again.

 

NOTE 3: Remember, you are in a military force with a leader and a chain of command. You can go crazy and do what you want, just remember that there are consequences for everything.

 

NOTE 4: Noncombatant characters cannot form squads.

 

LEGACY SYSTEM:

 

What is the Legacy System? Well, it is a promotion through the ranks for each character in the game. Depending on how well your character fights or shows diplomatic cunning, it is possible for you to move up the ranks; you can go from being a single soldier to commanding all squads for the district. It is even possible for you to run a district in the war, if the previous leader is killed off. This idea is interesting. It'll require tweaking, of course, and while I have no comment on it at the moment it does show promise.

 

NPC CHARACTERS: I removed the more tags so it would be easier to see.

 

Name: Jaller

Gender: Male

Species: Ta-Matoran

Appearance: You want to put url instead of link here. Appearance Same with here. I fixed it and that's why this one works.

Loyalty: Ta-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Broad Sword

Personality: Jaller is a fierce, confident leader. He does not handle being questioned well and expects 110% from everybody under his command. Failure is a dirty word in his vocabulary and anybody that doesn't succeed at the mission will face harsh repercussions. Incredibly out-of-character for Jaller. Commented on this above.

 

On the other hand, those that follow out his orders successfully and completely will see much favor fall upon them. Jaller, in short, is your best friend, but worst enemy.

 

Name: Ahkmou

Gender: Male

Species: Po-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/5/5a/MNOGII_Ahkmou.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Po-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Short Warclub

Personality: The last seen of Ahkmou was that of a schemer, one that would bribe his way to get his deals rather than using brute force or diplomatic finesse. A good word to describe his personality was slimy, and a running joke was that he would sell his right arm just to get another arm he liked. More in-character than the other description.

 

His form of leadership is very much “carrot/stick” and only a few of men have seen the end of the stick. They don't talk about the meetings.

 

 

Name: Macku

Gender: Female

Species: Ga-Matoran

Appearance: [link=Apperance]http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/4/45/MNOGII_Macku.png]Apperance]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Neutral Ga-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Trident

Personality: The once caring and compassionate Macku has become firm and assertive in the war. Very confusing, this. Extremely war-hardened, yet does nothing but proclaim peace all day, and expects routine service from all her soldiers. Just because you can handle yourself in a fight and expect things to get done from the people under you, doesn't mean you're always gearing for a fight. And not gearing for a fight in the middle of a war with factions all around you is suicide.  I think you missed the point in the Ga-Metru description where it said the Naval Fleet was heavily armed and highly skilled. They are geared up, just not looking for war. I used the incorrect phrasing. This really reminds me of Pearl Harbour. One good sabotage, Ga-Metru is crippled and the place becomes related to Ko. As the High Admiral of the Ga-Metru fleet, she expects a high level of discipline and order from all her people and from the refugees.

 

Don't mistake her open arms to neutral parties as an invitation to slack off; Although for now it seems as though it's for all parties. if you're in her district and you aren't working to better it, she'll hand-put you on a one way raft to the neighboring Metru; it's understood they make great targets for practice.

 

Name: Mavrah

Gender: Male

Species: Onu-Matoran

Appearance: [link=Appearance[/link]https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5547/14560758525_1f88fbb52f_b.jpg]Appearance[/link] (Credit to ...The Chosen One...)

Loyalty: Onu-Metru

Weapons/Tools: None

Personality: Mavrah is a quiet individual, and prefers to communicate all his orders via the written word over speaking; it's not known if he is mute or just lacks the will to speak. His orders, however, are simple, short, and sometimes more vague than you would like. It's believed Marvah wants to see his troops approach problems creatively instead of being walked through them.

 

His obsession with the Archive Program has made him rather cold socially, and more times than not will prevent guests and even his generals from interrupting him.

 

[more=Kongu]Name: Kongu

Gender: Male

Species: Le-Matoran

Appearance: [link=http://biosector01.com/wiki/images/thumb/0/06/Kongu.png/250px-Kongu.png]Appearance[/link]

Loyalty: Kongu's Le-Metru

Weapons/Tools: Modified Air Drill

Personality: Kongu is the most dangerous of the six leaders to approach, and this is because of his erratic behavior. He can bounce from trusting a being to believing they betrayed him in a short time span, and is known for killing or jailing some of his generals on a whim. A strongly accepted opinion is that the destruction of the Metru, along with the splintering of his army, has driven him mad.

 

Still, Kongu does present an air of confidence; no matter what he says or does, he does it with everything he has, no hesitation. This has earned him the nickname of “Wild Card” among the other leaders. Why hasn't there been a Metru-wide revolt at this point? Kongu is basically Hitler right now. Even Hitler had followers. This actually seems more reasonable, considering how many people are following the other leaders.

 

 

PROFILE:

 

Name:

 

No Bob, Greg, or ToaDude1234997. If you need to ask, “Is this name okay for use?” It probably isn't.

 

 

Gender:

 

Self-explanatory.

 

 

Species:

 

Matoran only, but you get to pick from Ta, Ga, Le, Onu, Po, and Ko. Species-specific powers apply(i.e., Po-Matoran are stronger...). And you should probably list the rest of the attributes... Good idea.

 

Appearance:

 

Either a picture or three sentences describing the way they look. You do NOT have to follow any color scheme whatsoever. Just remember, if you look like the enemy....

 

Loyalty:

 

Which Metru do you fight for? Or none? Ta, Po, Ga, Onu, or Le(Loyalists or Rebels.), and last but not least, Neutral. Once again, player-controlled factions. Once again, a small upstart faction is going to get crushed by the other Metru. I'd say Neutral is the closest to a player-controlled faction... Commented on this above.

 

Weapons/Tools:

 

Swords, clubs, maces, knives, shields, and other run-of-the-mill weaponry is allowed. Kanoka Disc Launchers are also allowed, but all disks are Power Level 3. All Disk Powers are allowed, Even reconstitute at random?  I've been thinking about that one. Think about it more. You don't want to arm players with an instakill weapon. but be warned: Using them for Godmodding purposes will result in a Disk Launcher backfire for your character.

 

Stronger, special disks will be given out as rewards. Given that Metru-Nui was incredibly high-tech, I will allow custom technologies, one per character(Go crazy and creative on this! I want to see what you can pull out of your hat.).

 

Weakness:

 

A weakness can be physical, social, or mental. Be creative.

 

 

Biography(Optional):

 

What was your character doing when the balloon went up? What are they doing now?

 

Personality:

 

How will your character react to the world around them? Do they have certain quirks?

 

 

RULES:

 

1. Follow all site rules.

2. Play nice.

3. No Godmodding, Unauthorized bunnying, or other actions that are likely to tick everybody off.

4. You are not going to kill hundreds of enemies with one swing of your sword, so go away Conan.

5. Nor are you going to destroy city blocks in one hit. Massive amounts of destruction must be approved first.

6. Have fun!

 

Overall, I really like this. The idea is nice, and while it does feel like a clone of Wasteland in some places, it's got promise. However, you gotta eat the meat and spit out the bones, and there's some crippling problems that need to be addressed. And it seems like you're dodging most of the issues I've presented with "plot" or "It'll just happen" or "I know what I'm doing". And being a good judge, I cannot at all take your word for your maximum ability. Seeing that your explanations for some of these problems only the matters far worse, I recommend reading everything over again and try to poke holes in your own plot. It'll make it a lot stronger and hopefully last through the judges, who will find a lot more problems than I'm finding.

 

 

 

@Strider!:

 

 There is virtually nil plantlife in the city. However, there is large amount of Rahi moving about at night, most notably in North Le-Metru where the damage is the heaviest.

 

 @Silvan Haven:

 

 Good idea on the RNG disks. I may create a list of what the disks actually do when striking objects, whether player or environment. Another possibility is to have an event where Kongu or Akhmou destroyed all the discs of any valuable and then make a new type of disc altogether that is easier to control Mod-wise.

 

 And as I type this, regarding the player factions, I'm starting to agree with Ghidora a lot more. I'll revamp the factions involved, see about updating Metru leaders, and I may just overhaul Ga-Metru altogether. Seems like it makes sense in my head, but doesn't mean it'll make sense to everybody else.

[Silvan Haven]

Hey guys? You really don't need to quote the entire post every time you go back and forth. It worked well enough for the original review but now you are down to just a few points and quoting the entire RPG just adds extra stuff for other people to scroll through.

 

It's late here so I won't go into everything I feel like commenting on, but I must point out that Bionicle does in fact have somewhat different laws of physics than we do and even if it did not I think that Metru Nui is advanced enough that it hardly matters.

 

These people can make ships fly or mutate into hideous monsters by hitting them with solid pieces of metal. This is not proper science.

Edited July 5, 2016 by Silvan Haven

[SnowyAegis]

I personally have two questions regarding this:

1)The squad mechanic makes it look a lot like its 'Do this or die'. Is it actually necessary, or just encouraged? I personally don't feel like controlling an entire squad in a post.

2)In the profile section, it says about fancy tech. Is this just fancy tech in general, or what?

 

In unrelated news I'm piecing together a mech RPG idea, if anyone's interested. Also about war in Metru Nui, but not quite so civil war-ish.

[Toa Azarius]

Sign me up. If it means I don't have to change anything about Azi's backstory again.

Quick question. Are Toa allowed, and do you need to pick a side? Because I was going to go for a different approach, having a Toa that works as a freedom fighter or a rebel to stop or sabotage fights to end them before they start.

 

Edit: just read, and it sucks that toa or other species aren't allowed. Metru Nui used to be a trading port, and had it's own toa team, right? So why not say that some Toa or skakdi took sides, or got caught in the war. I know it's not my place to spit ball ideas, but adding in Toa or other species would add a huge amount of potential for characters.

Edited July 14, 2016 by Toa Azureus

[SnowyAegis]

@Azureus:

If my understanding of this is correct, it seems based off the Metru Nui Civil War.

Which, to my knowledge, Toa had no involvement in.

[Toa Azarius]

True. All I know is that making a character that isn't a Toa is gonna be a pain....

 

Edit: ironically, making a character wasn't that hard.

Edited July 15, 2016 by Toa Azureus

[Ghidora131]

In unrelated news I'm piecing together a mech RPG idea, if anyone's interested. Also about war in Metru Nui, but not quite so civil war-ish.

Colour me interested, whatever that looks like.

[Timageness]

Are we talking about Exo-Suit mechs here, or somewhere along the lines of Gundam or Jaeger size?

Edited July 15, 2016 by Timageness

[The UltimoScorp]

*silently hopes for Battletech*

[SnowyAegis]

*hopes are answered*

Battletech mechs, from a quick search, look about the right size, more or less.

These are less the 'humanoid robot with optional gun' mech, more the 'tank on legs' style. Just some might have heads and maybe something akin to shoulders, but those wouldn't be common.

[FallenAtlas]

I personally have two questions regarding this:

1)The squad mechanic makes it look a lot like its 'Do this or die'. Is it actually necessary, or just encouraged? I personally don't feel like controlling an entire squad in a post.

2)In the profile section, it says about fancy tech. Is this just fancy tech in general, or what?

 

 

 

 1. I encourage squads, but you do NOT need to have one.

 2. Metru Nui was the most technologically advanced place in the universe. Use your imagination, really, and see what gets approved or not. I really don't want to put a lid or limit on it if it's going to stop people from coming up with great ideas.

 

 

 

Sign me up. If it means I don't have to change anything about Azi's backstory again.

Quick question. Are Toa allowed, and do you need to pick a side? Because I was going to go for a different approach, having a Toa that works as a freedom fighter or a rebel to stop or sabotage fights to end them before they start.

 

Edit: just read, and it sucks that toa or other species aren't allowed. Metru Nui used to be a trading port, and had it's own toa team, right? So why not say that some Toa or skakdi took sides, or got caught in the war. I know it's not my place to spit ball ideas, but adding in Toa or other species would add a huge amount of potential for characters.

 

 1. Well, this is an AU. Alternate Universe. It's not Canon, so for the purpose of this RPG the Toa Team that protected Metru Nui never existed. There are no Toa or Skakdi or anything other than Matoran in the city......that you know of.

[The UltimoScorp]

*hopes are answered*

Battletech mechs, from a quick search, look about the right size, more or less.

These are less the 'humanoid robot with optional gun' mech, more the 'tank on legs' style. Just some might have heads and maybe something akin to shoulders, but those wouldn't be common.

yessssss

[Toa Azarius]

So, is there a topic for characters for the civil war rpg? Or do we just post them here?

[Silvan Haven]

It's not an actual RPG yet. Atlas has to get it through the approval topic before he can post the RPG topic.

[SnowyAegis]

Yeah, Az, calm down. This is the planning topic, not the topic for any RPGs themselves.

[Toa Azarius]

Okie doke.

[FallenAtlas]

It's gonna be a while before that even happens.

[SnowyAegis]

 2. Metru Nui was the most technologically advanced place in the universe. Use your imagination, really, and see what gets approved or not. I really don't want to put a lid or limit on it if it's going to stop people from coming up with great ideas.

 

Superheavy Shoulder-Mounted Automatic Wave Motion Cannon, here I come.

[FallenAtlas]

 

 2. Metru Nui was the most technologically advanced place in the universe. Use your imagination, really, and see what gets approved or not. I really don't want to put a lid or limit on it if it's going to stop people from coming up with great ideas.

Superheavy Shoulder-Mounted Automatic Wave Motion Cannon, here I come.

 

 

 Define "SuperHeavy" and "Wave Motion." Effects, how is it charged, what ammo does it use, where can I get one, etc.

 

 TRY ME.

 

 Not in this thread. Not the place for it. But just an example of the things I will be asking.