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It is hard to pick words for me, especially since I am not an English speaker originally. And my expectations were... well, I guess I am just not familiar with your other works and reputation as a feels deliverer. Anyway, the pain in Krahka's heart - I almost felt it myself. Onewa's sorrow and helplessness, too.

I personally like to think that on Mata Nui each Turaga had his or her own village to protect. A small settlement. But Metru Nui... Although it's much less in size than Mata Nui island, it's a whole new ground, and to repopulate it is a job hard especially when the Toa aren't here.


All in all, this fiction caused some really deep feels. And for that, I thank you.

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The 16-year-old girl I was when all this Toa Metru stuff was going down is extremely pleased with this. I was always reading between the lines and even bought all the Adventures books just to read them over and over and revel in the glory of Krahka. And also OnewaxKrahka. There was so much there that was never really explored or expanded, and then she was gone and yeah.

I hollered about the fic offsite and I want to plug some of that in here. Also I'm not the best at writing reviews so I hope you get something out of this. I'm not really interested in picking at your grammar or structure, and somebody else will probably come in and do it so eh.




Metru Nui’s prodigal daughter had been away for too long.

Okay so Krahka is just too cool for school. Your narrative totally respects her and just expands upon what we were given in the books.




“-just be more foot-careful, Tamaru. We still haven’t gotten the tree-gardens growing again yet, and we don’t want to make any more quick-returns than we have to.”

A+ Tamaru inclusion, she is a star ~




Nuju chirped at her in a passable, if rather foul-mouthed, attempt at Gukko

I laughed and also really love these snippets of classic Bionicle humor that I actually understand and can appreciate.




“Well,” he said, and she could hear his voice trembling, “we were made to be Matoran, not Rahi.”

Real talk, I wrote a couple short stories exploring the emotional turmoil the Toa Metru went through as they were turning into Rahi, and this went right through my proverbial heart. That’s something the Turaga had to of carried with them for the rest of their lives and it’s one of the things that made me so very interested in the Turaga/Toa Metru, way more than the Toa Mata/Nuva. Thank you for capturing this.



“Long gone. And Roodaka and Sidorak with them.”

“A pity,” she said. “I would’ve liked to crush that little neck of hers myself.”




That gave her pause. She looked back towards the Turaga. He was standing now, if leaning on his staff, but the light of his eyes was just a touch sharper, more like the gleam he had carried as a Toa.


“And what makes you say that, Turaga?”

“Because this has been your city as long as it has been ours, and because you died saving it.” He must have caught the annoyance on her face, for he quickly added, “or – almost died. Or, that is –“ he looked away for a moment, and when he spoke again his voice was pained. “Well. To us, you did die.”





She regarded him in silence, and he sighed. “No. Not yet. Maybe not ever, depending on – what you want to do.”





“No,” he said wearily. “No, it’s not. On Mata Nui I could survive being a Turaga. But here? In this city?” He shuddered. “How am I supposed to deal with sitting here, weaker than I’ve ever been, in the remains of what used to be my home?”

This is just utterly entirely fantastic and provides a more realistic feel to the whole situation. It was always weird how the Turaga were like OMG LET’S GO HOME YAY FORGET MATA NUI with very little of “Ugh history and all this stuff happened and etc.” It was so much for them to deal with. I don't think a thousand years would have done anything but cause regrets and scars to grow, and eventually become stale.




The weariness was gone from the Turaga’s burning orange eyes, and for half an instant some distant voice in her said Toa. “You know, Krahka – I missed you.”



(I got serious nerve-tingling chills from that part)


Pause here for a very important announcement. The way you write Krahka’s sass and snark is wonderful, especially reflected against Onewa. It’s still sassy banter, but not like the youthful rough banter they shared. They have been through a whole lot and while they can pick up just the same, it’s not like it used to be. The dialogue respects their pasts and their parting, and mixes very smoothly with who they are and have been.




He is a Turaga, Krahka. Rahi are his pets and workers, not his equals.

:( :( :( :( :( :(




A Krahka’s claw shot out and gripped the Turaga’s hand. He smiled.





For a very long moment she thought about replying. And then she turned back down the tunnel and dove into the darkness of her home.



"Okay call me???"




Nate I'm exploding right now. This is something I've always wanted. You're awesome.



EDIT: I forgot to include the part about the theming of this story. Seeing a different approach to what could essentially be a fluffy shipfic adds so much more value to it. Pairing the feelings of regret, loss, and acceptance with aged and resigned fondness and attraction came out so beautifully. When I think about it, my favorite stories and movies have similar themes. So this all hit home.

Edited by Hahli Husky
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You've done a great job of getting into the characters' heads. Onewa and Krahka always had a nice dynamic, but you've taken a spark of characterization and fanned it into a beautiful bonfire. Congrats for that. Also, great job tying up loose ends (like how the Turaga knew to look for Krahka in Teridax's reign) and depicting a glossed-over part of the story (the return to Metru Nui). :)


If I have one problem, it's with the formatting. More frequently than I would have liked, the spacing between two lines cut out, and it caught my ire. I think this was probably due to page breaks, and it's nothing a little pre-post editing couldn't have fixed, so I advise you to do that in the future.


Otherwise, fantastic job. Your stories are among the highest-quality BIONICLE fanfiction I've read and do a fantastic job of extracting actual deep, realistic characters from the mere personalities they were in the official canon. More praise is needed, but that's all I've got time for, so... great job, man. Keep it up, I really enjoy reading these. :)

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I quite like this fic, despite having never read any of the Bionicle novels. I was, however, a pretty big fan of the 2004-5 arc, and I think you gave us a really good depiction of the return to the ruins of Metru Nui.


Although I never had read the Adventures books, this fic is making me seriously consider doing so. Great work, Nate.

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I cried, I laughed, I cried while laughing, I laughed while crying, and oh god the nostalgia feelings. I don't have the words to explain how amazing I find this fic. A+++, would read infinite times over.

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I write stories, on occasion. Finishing them... yeah, uh. That's another thing entirely.


Avatar made with the Rayg Kit 2.5, and featuring Lilak, Toa of Lightning.

She is totally, totally not a shameless self-insert. Y'know, except for the part where she is. :D

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I hate this story and everything about it.





That's a lie you're a beautiful human being and this is a beautiful story, I cannot give a more in depth review than I already have throughout the three drafts that I've read. This is a good thing yes.

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You misunderstood me

You didn't hear what I said

You're not listening LIKE MOST AMERICANS

-Arin Hanson

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I've spoken to several of you one-on-one about this piece, but once again - thank you all so much for the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! If we're honest, I was pretty low on Krahka-knowledge going into this thing, so I'm glad to hear I was able to capture her and Onewa well.


I tried writing up a longer piece about writing this thing but it's mostly in shambles in a notepad file now, so until I can de-crapify it, the short version is: Krahka turned out to be a potentially very interesting character who was criminally underused, and I hope I was able to flesh out her motivations, personality, and feelings beyond the very brief portrayal she got. (If anything, I'm reminded of "An Aftermath", one of my other favorite fics I've written; apparently I've a knack for writing about female characters whose names start with K.)


If I have one problem, it's with the formatting. More frequently than I would have liked, the spacing between two lines cut out, and it caught my ire. I think this was probably due to page breaks, and it's nothing a little pre-post editing couldn't have fixed, so I advise you to do that in the future.


I'm very late on replying to this, but thank you for pointing it out! I think that was indeed a case of page breaks lining up with line breaks, and so I missed those copying over to BZP. They should be fixed now!

Hey: I'm not very active around BZP right now.  However, you can always contact me through PM (I have email notifications set up) and I will reply as soon as I can.

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It got kinda boring near the middle and I stopped there...also I don't get KrahkaxOnewa. Though it was pretty well written.



Edited by BionicleBordeaux
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That. Was. Amazing. :shocked:


Great job with making the Turaga rather frail and such. I keep forgetting that they're not exactly the Toa they used to be. But yeah... totally amazing. :) I always loved Onewa, :komau: That and I always was intrigued by Krahka... but yeah great job. :D it was a really great read. :popcorn: Enjoyed it a lot!

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  • 7 months later...

I loved this piece. Beautiful, uncompromising, and so very real about the emotions involved. This story seems to re-open the wound from when my younger self first read Krahka's "Death" scene and rub some salt in for extra measure, but I love it. Just... fantastic job.

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The world gradually fell silent, the last few shots echoing into nothingness. There was little left now but ruins, and the eight. They witnessed the whimpering death of their world, and regretfully claimed dominion over all the sorry Remnants...

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  • 1 year later...

This is one sweet story-the dynamic between Onewa and Krahka is great. I kept flashing back to Maze of Shadows-I think that was the book title?-when Onewa was so determined that he was never going to give up his powers.


And yeah, they would make an adorable-if odd-couple.

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