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(Review) Vultraz's Diner: OKOTO


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Read King Vultraz


The Premise

After seizing control of a the "Great Kanohi Mask" and becoming a king, we return to Vultraz now. He runs a Diner in Metru-Nui, he's lost his precious Mask, and everything is spiralling downward. This epic will contain "mini-arcs"; every three or so chapters will be tied together by some sort of central concept, but the epic will still contain several over-arching plotlines.


The Story (Topic)

The Diner

C1 - C2 - C3


The Cast



So... you can review here! This does not, at the moment, have a steady release schedule planned; I'll post chapters as I write them.

Edited by Voltex
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To be honest, not too good. The framework of the entire thing is odd, and it seems weak in concept design.


It could use some work, but it could only get so much better.



Any suggestions for how I could specifically fix the issues you've found, rather than just give up hope on the story?



The format seems a bit odd, but the concept looks great! The first one was quite funny, and I am looking forward to more humor in the future.

I'll admit that this chapter is a little odd. I'm still sort of re-orienting myself into writing a story where there isn't the threat of someone dying every few seconds. :P

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