The Time of the Mask Makers Review

[Pahrak Model ZX]

Here is where you can review my epic, The Time of the Mask Makers.

 

In addition, Karios has been kind enough to provide some artwork for the story!

 

Cover V1, V2, V3

Makuta

Ekimu

Edited October 19, 2015 by Pahrak #0579

[Pohatu: Uniter of Stone]

Aaaand then centuries late Ekimu is the one making better masks. This was a good story, and quite ironic.

[Gifthammer]

This is quite promising so far! I can't wait to see how it continues.

[Vakama35]

The story looks very promising; the grammar and story is excellent, and I can't wait to see how it turns out. 

[Toa Smoke Monster]

This is a great start for your epic. I really like that you focus most of it on Makuta and have him be a caring villager that only want to help his fellow tribesmen survive on their island. I also like that he has some respect in his tribe, especially with him being on the council. He seems like a really good guy and if we didn't know that he will be consumed with jealously over his brother's mask making skills years from now, it would be hard to believe that the Makuta we see here falls from the right path later on in his life.

 

And speaking of Ekimu, I really like what you did with his character as well. It just makes it even more ironic when he becomes a better mask maker than Makuta. But I have a feeling he is going to learn some humility before he joins his brother in mask making. 

 

Also, having Makuta invent the Masks of Power was a neat idea.

 

Like I said, great start for your epic. I can't wait to see where it goes from here. 

[Akavakaku]

I love this so much already! I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees Ekimu as kind of a jerk.

[Pahrak Model ZX]

Thank you all for the reviews!  I'm glad to know you think the story is off to a nice start!

 

The Second Swing is complete, I just want to hang onto it a bit in case I get the urge to make some last minute changes.  Expect to see it sometime tomorrow!

[Akavakaku]

Excellent foreshadowing, and somehow you managed to evoke the feels just as strongly as last time.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I kind of glad Makuta and Ekimu's brotherly feud was resolved in this chapter. It was fun seeing them argue, but I didn't want it to last through the majority of this story either. And besides, I don't think they would be Mask Makers together if they didn't get along.

 

The battle between them in the canyon was good too. It goes to show how good Makuta still is and it humbled Ekimu a bit too. 

 

Here's looking foward to the next chapter.

[Pahrak Model ZX]

Glad you liked it!  Humility is definitely something Ekimu needed to learn, and he embraces it even more in The Third Swing, which is now live!  Ekimu is now a Mask Maker, and he and Makuta have relocated so that they can work in peace.  As for the rest, you'll have to read it!

[Akavakaku]

Oh, it just keeps going deeper! I can't wait to see what's next.

[Gifthammer]

Wow, the amount of thought you've put into the bothers' interactions is just staggering. So many touching moments already in so few chapters, and this one was probably the most touching so far.

 

This is shaping up to be one of my favorites so far on BZP.

[Vakama35]

Man, it's going to be hard for Ekimu when Makuta crafts the Mask of Ultimate Power. Still, it's going to be interesting to watch how Makuta descends from being proud of his brother to being jealous enough to break that sacred law. 

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Another great chapter. Its kind of ironic that Makuta is indirectly the cause of his jealously of Ekimu mask making skills. He only wanted to see his brother succeed, and Ekimu will and then some.

 

I'm very interested in seeing how the Makuta we see now will become so jealous of Ekimu and become corrupted by it. I can't wait to see how the coming chapters play this out.

[Pahrak Model ZX]

Thanks everyone!  The Fourth Swing is up now--at this point the backstory is more or less done, so this is mainly set up for the 2015 storyline we've seen thus far.  There are plenty of passing mentions to things we've seen in the web series, and it ends on a rather ominous note...

[Zacian]

Great story. Excellent grammar. A bit drama. It's perfect!

 

I like what you did about Makuta's accusation and his vision of the Mask of Ultimate Power. It's starting put a bit mystery in the storyline. Can't wait for the next chapter!

 

~Kranan

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Now we get to see why Makuta fell from grace. Or at least, we get some hints to it in the new chapter. Makuta does seem to be happy for Ekimu, but the fact that his masks are not as popular anymore will most likely take a toll on him in upcoming chapters. And the fact that some Protectors don't like his masks probably won't help either.

 

I really like how you managed to include the Temple of Time into the story. You gave really good reasons for Makuta to go to it, despite it being forbidden. It was also a good way for Makuta to learn how to make the Mask of Ulitimate Power. 

 

Again, I'm very interested in seeing how this story turns Makuta into the jealous brother from the canon story. This chapter begins to show some cracks leading to it, but I can't wait to see what pushes him over the edge.

 

P.S. I did find one grammar issue, and it is:

 

 

 They started assaulted those who wore masks of your design, 

I believe you meant to say 'started assaulting' here.

 

This was the only grammar issue I found.

[Pahrak Model ZX]

 

 

P.S. I did find one grammar issue, and it is:

 

 

 They started assaulted those who wore masks of your design, 

I believe you meant to say 'started assaulting' here.

 

This was the only grammar issue I found.

 

Argh, that's what I get for rushing through the last stage of editing!  Thanks for pointing that out, it's fixed now.

 

And thanks for the reviews!  Hopefully the final chapter will clear up any remaining questions you may have!

[Akavakaku]

Huh. Well, that was unexpected. I expected something along the lines of an accident in making a multi-element mask, leading Ekimu to declare it forbidden, then Makuta gradually wondering if it could be done properly.

[Pahrak Model ZX]

Hm, that's an interesting thought.  I wouldn't be too surprised to see that show up in another take on the story.

 

Well, The Final Swing is up, and the Mask of Ultimate Power finally comes into play!  I want to thank you all again for your reviews and support throughout this past month--I had a lot of fun writing this, so it's nice to see others enjoy it as well!  I hope you enjoy the resolution, and maybe I'll see you again if I end up revisiting this version of Okoto!

[Iblis]

' Certainly enjoyed it, & I hope you do revisit Okoto again! I think you have a great writing style

^{_{But it would be cool to see a somewhat lengthy story explanation for why a Mask shouldn't contain too many Elements...}}

Edited February 28, 2015 by Iblis

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I really liked you conclusion to your epic!

 

The battle between Makuta and Ekimu was really good. I also liked the bit with the Lord of Skull Spiders. It really helps to tie up the story to the point where the Toa fall to the island. 

 

I kind of wished that Makuta would've turned evil on his own though, instead of the Mask of Ultimate Power just taking over him. Given the character that we've seen from Makuta in the previous chapters, I can't help but think that it would've been more tragic if Makuta had been consumed by his jealously of Ekimu and make the Mask because of it. I think that would've been very interesting to see play out, especially seeing how good Makuta was in the other chapters towards his brother and the villagers. But that is just a personal perference on what I kind of wanted to see in the story. What was written was still really good and action-packed, so I still enjoyed it.

 

Thanks for writing this and I too hope you return to this version of Okoto someday!

[Gifthammer]

Now that it's finished I can agree with the others that this story is really great! But, I do agree with Iblis that the forbidden Mask part seems a little bit under-explained.

 

Such a great, not to mention touching, work overall though.

 

Final theory: the flaming Mask of Power entity is someone from a different timeline (since it originated in the Temple of Time) and could possibly be a certain Gen1 villain trying to wreck havoc in a new world. eh, eh?

[Jacks]

This was a wonderful little novella. I too am disappointed that we didn't get more of an explanation for the taboo against multiple-element masks, but I did like your interpretation of the Mask of Ultimate Power as a sapient entity, scheming to bring itself into existence.

 

I'm also really into the parallelism between Makuta saving Ekimu from the Skull Spider and Ekimu attempting to save Makuta from the MoUP in the finale

[Karios]

Here is where you can review my epic, The Time of the Mask Makers.

I just finished "the final swing," and I love it! your depiction of the story of Ekimu and Makuta is brilliant, and adds more, we'll, story to it! I'd love to see some visuals to go with this, maybe a comic format of it.

[Pahrak Model ZX]

Thank you for all the reviews, everyone!

 

Looks like I really should have put more thought into why too many elements in one mask is so dangerous. In the future I’ll try to pick these things apart a little more, and if I end up getting back to the MoUP I’ll try to work in an explanation (I am in the process of thinking one up, I promise!).  The MoUP is still very mysterious, so I do look forward to bringing it back into the spotlight—though that might be a while if I want to remain in parallel to canon.

 

I was a bit worried jumping to LoSS might be jarring, but it sounds like that wasn’t the case!  While this was more about Makuta and Ekimu, I thought I should give LoSS a nod as well to properly set the stage for 2015.  And I guess I wanted him to be Not Entirely Evil as well. (Don’t worry, I don’t plan to give all the villains this treatment.)

 

As for Makuta being possessed rather than actually turning jealous, I felt like it might be a neat way to make this version even more different than what we expected, especially since Makuta was behind everything in G1 and I wanted to explore giving the name to a very different character.  Also I just really like Stable Time Loops and thought it would be fun to use one! I do understand it being a surprise, though.

 

I’m going to go ahead and say that the Temple of Time connects only to timelines of the G2 Universe, thank you very much. I don’t want to hammer down (*snicker*) exactly what the MoUP is right now, but I think it’s definitely something that exists “beyond time” or something weird-sounding like that; in what I’m currently planning to do next I might explore this a little more to give a better idea on the Mask’s true origins.  Well, my version of them, at least.

 

Ah, comics would be so cool!  But I can’t draw. D: Maybe when we eventually get a Makuta set I can take pictures of he and Ekimu re-enacting the story with unfitting backdrops, but that’s the limit of my visual representation ability, I’m afraid.

 

Man, these are the most reviews I’ve ever gotten on a single epic!  Thank you all once again!

[Karios]

Thank you for all the reviews, everyone!

 

Looks like I really should have put more thought into why too many elements in one mask is so dangerous. In the future I’ll try to pick these things apart a little more, and if I end up getting back to the MoUP I’ll try to work in an explanation (I am in the process of thinking one up, I promise!).  The MoUP is still very mysterious, so I do look forward to bringing it back into the spotlight—though that might be a while if I want to remain in parallel to canon.

 

I was a bit worried jumping to LoSS might be jarring, but it sounds like that wasn’t the case!  While this was more about Makuta and Ekimu, I thought I should give LoSS a nod as well to properly set the stage for 2015.  And I guess I wanted him to be Not Entirely Evil as well. (Don’t worry, I don’t plan to give all the villains this treatment.)

 

As for Makuta being possessed rather than actually turning jealous, I felt like it might be a neat way to make this version even more different than what we expected, especially since Makuta was behind everything in G1 and I wanted to explore giving the name to a very different character.  Also I just really like Stable Time Loops and thought it would be fun to use one! I do understand it being a surprise, though.

 

I’m going to go ahead and say that the Temple of Time connects only to timelines of the G2 Universe, thank you very much. I don’t want to hammer down (*snicker*) exactly what the MoUP is right now, but I think it’s definitely something that exists “beyond time” or something weird-sounding like that; in what I’m currently planning to do next I might explore this a little more to give a better idea on the Mask’s true origins.  Well, my version of them, at least.

 

Ah, comics would be so cool!  But I can’t draw. D: Maybe when we eventually get a Makuta set I can take pictures of he and Ekimu re-enacting the story with unfitting backdrops, but that’s the limit of my visual representation ability, I’m afraid.

 

Man, these are the most reviews I’ve ever gotten on a single epic!  Thank you all once again!

You say you can't draw, so I would like permission to make a comic myself. if so, there are three options: hand-drawn bionicle 2015 animation style, digital bionicle 2015 animation style, or my personal hand drawn style. Not trying to sound full of myself or #######-ish here,btw

Edited March 10, 2015 by GSR
Watch the language - even if the filter doesn't directly catch it, thanks!

[Pahrak Model ZX]

If you want to make comics for the story, feel free to--I'd be honored! I don't really have a preference for style, so I guess just whichever one you feel fits best!  Thank you so much for the offer!

[Karios]

If you want to make comics for the story, feel free to--I'd be honored! I don't really have a preference for style, so I guess just whichever one you feel fits best! Thank you so much for the offer!

You're welcome, and thanks for permission. I'm going to start with my style, then make the actual animation style. (Maybe vice-versa) I'm also going yo learn to use flash, so in year(s) I may animate it.

 

One question I have before I start the comic is do all the villagers have the same build as in the animations?(As seen in "the arrival" or are a few of them different?

 

 

 

Edit: Only authors are allowed to double post. Posts merged.

-Wind-

Edited March 6, 2015 by -Windrider-

[Pahrak Model ZX]

I thought there might be some variety--some are tall, some are short, some are muscular, some a lanky.  Ekimu's hunter friends are probably big and muscly, while the Protector of Earth for the first few chapters is someone I pictured as being tall and thin.

[Karios]

Also, do they all have different masks in "the first swing"?

[Pahrak Model ZX]

In The First Swing, no one has a mask except Ekimu, who has the gold and trans-blue Protector mask we've seen, and Makuta's first Mask of Power (which I was thinking would look like a purple Noble Rau).

[Karios]

Ah. But would their armour be different? I get size, but if one has extra armour or something, I'd like to know

[Pahrak Model ZX]

I don't think many of them would have much armor, but a few (probably some hunters) might have some extra armor.

[Karios]

It calls makuta a "black and purple armoured being" so would he have armour,and would it be similar to his gold armour?

Also, should the villager faces have a normal mouth, or a strong lower jawline like in the official animations?

[Pahrak Model ZX]

I pictured it has his Mask Maker armor with black instead of gold, and less pronounced shoulder plates, and maybe a little more purple?  For the jawline, my first thought would be what it looks like in the animation.

[Karios]

I've got a good outline of the first page done. Shall I send it too you?

[Pahrak Model ZX]

Yes, please do!

[Karios]

I just need to know how to actually get the image to you...

 

Hey, could I start a message thing with you specificaly for the details of the comic? Because I'd like to ask/tell you more about the comic's specific panels,and I don't want to spoil everything for other people in the comments.

Also, for makuta's pre-mask maker shoulder armour, is there a specific real world piece you had in mind? Or just a smaller version of the mask maker shoulders?

One more thing, drawing facial expressions with the huge lower jaw is difficult and U-G-L-Y both. I can find a close alternative?

Edited March 6, 2015 by -Windrider-

[Pahrak Model ZX]

Sure, start a message whenever you would like!  I didn't have an exact piece in mind for the shoulder armor, but now that I'm thinking about it I'm wondering if maybe something like Breakout Breez's shoulder would work?  And yes, feel free to change up the faces.