Knightfall - Rise of the First King

[Daniel the Finlander]

Knightfall
RISE OF THE FIRST KING

Link to RPG (Not yet complete)

While I'm not a huge fan of fan fiction and english isn't my native language, I still wanted to write a prelude story for my Bionicle RPG Knightfall. Because I don't consider myself a very good writer, feedback is appreciated. I'm also not sure if I should tone down some of the scenes. If I should, please notify me and I'll do it.
 
 Review topic

 

-Prologue-

 

The dead forest was quiet and still, shrouded in white mist beneath the grey sky. This peace was broken when the sounds of twigs snapping, dead leaves rustling and travellers speaking echoed amongst the leafless trees.
"We should've stayed at that deserted town", one of them said.
"Torroon, how many times do I need to ask you to shut up? If you didn't want to come then you should've stayed there", a fiery voice responded.
The group temporarily descended back into silence and moved forwards. There were four of them, apparently of three different species. One of them was looking at a small and circular metal cylinder in her hand.
"Are you sure that thing works?" the flaming voice asked.
"It's a blessed artifact, of course it works. Always pointing at the same direction, no matter how you turn it. It's really great! Don't you agree, Otakata?"
She received an irritated sigh in response.
"Don't care about him, Asho", said another feminine voice near her, "Some people just don't want to be happy, I guess."


The group arrived at a large, ruined building. Judging by the piles of rubble and the collapsed towers, it had been even larger once. Why was it here alone, in the middle of the forest?
The serious man shattered the silence once more:
"Alright, it was right where the scouts said it was. Torroon, use your Mask of Vision to scan the entire building and its surrounding area. Iruka, ready your crossbow because those things take ages to load. We'll search the rubble after Torroon tells us what we can find. Understood?"
The tall reptilian man, Torroon, nodded but the other two didn't.
"While I like your plan", the taller woman with the crossbow said, "Shouldn't we plan things together?"
Otakata glared at her.
"That way nothing gets done. A strong leader makes everything easier and quicker. I will not listen to complaints."

He paused and looked in the eyes of each warrior.

"I ask again, did you understand my orders?"
For a tense moment, Iruka tried to draw out her knife, but changed her mind when Asho grabbed her shoulder and kindly asked her to calm down. The tall woman grunted and nodded quietly to the white and orange man.


"The beast in the stairway should be lured out", Torroon said as the group stood before stairs that led underground into the darkness beneath the ruins. "There's not enough space there for us to fight effectively."
Otakata nodded and turned to face the lime green woman.
"Asho, go down there, awaken it and escape by using your Mask of Speed."
Iruka stepped forwards.
"No. I don't want her to get into danger. Can't we just throw a rock at it? Plenty of those around."
Torroon shook his long head and said "It's a big creature. I doubt a tiny stone will awaken it. Although, uh, a bolt or a ball of plasma might work."
Otakata rolled his eyes and formed a glowing sphere of liquid fire in his hand.
"Get ready then, for this will anger it"
He threw the ball down the stairway, which illuminated it and revealed a massive green snake slumbering on the steps. It unleashed a terrifying screech as fire engulfed its head, but didn't give in and instead launched itself up the stairs, its large mouth open and fearsome fangs revealed.


Otakata pulled out his two-handed axe from the creature's throat. A crossbow bolt jutted out of its slimy skin that had also been cut with a sword. The snake no longer breathed.
Torroon rubbed his long jaw. "I estimate the beast weighs 500 stones. Enough meat and organs to feed five Matoran for over thirty solar cycles. But because Asho had to slash it with her poisoned swords, all of the meat has been rendered inedible."
"I do get a bit too excited sometimes, hehe!" Asho replied with a smile.
Iruka chuckled. "And who would carry a dead body so heavy? We're more than a dozen kio away from the nearest portal and half a dozen from the nearest camp. Don't worry about it, Asho, you didn't do anything wrong."
"Quiet, Torroon spotted treasure down there. Let's take as much of it as we can and return back to camp. It's getting late" Otakata said and entered the stairway, lighting his way with a floating sphere of plasma.


They entered a dark hallway with a door on each wall. The one opposite the stairwell was decorated and seemed to lead into an important room. Otakata lead the way and said "We'll go through that room, grab whatever valuable we find and leave. Unde-"
He turned around to face his companions, but paused when he didn't see Asho anywhere. Her voice echoed from the dark hallway to the left. "I saw something here guys! I'll just quickly check it out, don't worry!"
Otakata burst with anger and shouted "For Artakha's sake, get back here! I didn't order you to go there!"
Iruka pushed him. "Don't shout at her like that!"
"She's a careless fool who endangers her own life! Why should I-"
"We don't need to follow your orders! No one elected you to be our leader, we don't even need one! And don't you dare to insult her!"
"Shut up! A group cannot function without a leader, and the rest of you were too cowardly to take up this task!"
Torroon pointed at the hallway. "Uh, is Asho alright? I can't hear her footsteps anymore"
Both of them turned to look. Iruka seemed worried while Otakata spat on the floor and muttered a curse.
But then Asho emerged from the dark hall, making Iruka breathe a sigh of relief and embrace her. "I was worried for a moment! Thank Artakha you're alright! Don't do that ever again, okay?"
Otakata chuckled dryly and glared at Iruka.
"It's fine, there was nothing there. Now let's grab that treasure and get out of here!"
Iruka, however, frowned. "You're cold. Is everything okay?"
Asho remained silent for a moment.
"Yes."


Otakata kneeled before an altar in the room behind the decorated door. It was adorned with silk and golden trinkets, a beautiful icon of a humanoid figure extending its arms placed in the middle. "A shrine of the Great Spirit itself! Thank Artakha!" He closed his eyes and prayed. 
Iruka whistled as she examined the valuable figurines and icons on shelves near the walls of the room. "So how much treasure are you planning to keep?" she asked the group and picked up several amulets and bracelets. "I'll keep it all, maybe even wear some of the prettier trinkets!" Asho laughed, but Torroon muttered something to himself: "These seem to be Altet-type items. They've been found on four Dying Worlds so far. Characterized by round shapes, gilded surfaces and embedded gems. Very valuable."
"Hear that?" Iruka asked Asho. "We'll be rich after this! Or well, even richer than we were before."
Asho smiled, but there was something wrong with her smile. It was more like a malevolent grin.
Iruka frowned. "Is everything alright?"
A black tentacle burst out of Asho's back, closed the door behind her and locked it.
Iruka dropped all the baubles and covered her open mouth with one of her hands. Torroon yelped and took two steps backwards. Otakata continued to pray quietly, unaware of what was happening behind him.
Asho's grin widened, too much, and ripped apart her mask, unleashing a writhing mass of black tentacles, as black as blackness can be, which immediately dived towards Iruka and Torroon. The reptilian man managed to swat away the tentacles with panicked slaps while trying to pull out his sword with his other hand. Iruka fell on her knees and started sobbing, muttering Asho's name in grief before a tentacle plunged into her mouth. Otakata stood up and turned around, finally, but barely managed to grab the handle of his axe before another tentacle burrowed into his mouth as well. Torroon screamed in terror and leaned against the wall, still trying to get his sword out of its sheath. He closed his eyes.

'A Shadow. A Nightmare. A Wraith. A Dark Knight. Death and doom, standing before me.. They can shapeshift. Oh Artakha, they can shapeshift, it's true. I can't die. I must write this down, pass down this knowledge.. Artakha help me, give strength to my arm, banish away my fear..'

He opened his eyes. Iruka and Otakata were limp, hanging from the black tentacles, the colour of their bodies slowly turning black. Their eyes and heartlight no longer glowed. Asho was no more, her body having turned into a pillar of pure darkness. Torroon closed his eyes again and finally managed to draw out his sword.

'Karzahni, Tren Krom, anyone, help me! I don't want to die! If any of you can hear my prayer, help your humble creation! Please, be merciful! No one deserves such a cruel fate!'

Iruka and Otakata had turned into lumps of blackness that were absorbed into the Shadow. Several other tentacles were consuming various trinkets and items in the room.

Torroon took a step forward, his sword shaking in his hand.

'I'm a Knight. I can't be afraid, for the gods are with me, even if they remain silent. I can kill this vile abomination.'

He didn't believe his own lies.

The sword fell on the floor, covered with blood. Torroon soon fell backwards on the altar, breaking it and shattering the icon of the Great Spirit, hand grasped around his bleeding throat. He had difficulty breathing and moaned in pain and regret. The last thing he saw was a tentacle starting to approach him. He closed his eyes and relaxed, for he had made the right choice. This way the Shadow wouldn't get his soul.

 

And then he took his last breath.

 

Edited June 1, 2015 by Daniel the Dwarf

[Daniel the Finlander]

[deleted]

Edited June 17, 2015 by Daniel the Dwarf

[Daniel the Finlander]

Can this topic be moved into Short Stories? I've decided to make this story consist of a single chapter.