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Carver Offers Advice


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Carver Offers Advice

Recipients Not Sure They Can Take It

 

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Sources report that famed carver Hafu of Po-Koro has allegedly embarked on a journey of great benevolence, leaving hundreds of gracious acolytes in his wake.  What began with a divine epiphany (rumored to be: “I’m awesome!”) has led to the unbegrudging betterment of all Matoran-kind.

 

His tour began in singsong Le-Koro, where Hafu celebrated the numerous finely-made wooden structures and instruments, stopping only to muse that a real carver might have done away with bridges and treehouses and just carved the village’s mighty trees directly.  “But there’s still time to become the first Matoran to do it!” he grinned, beadily eyeing a particularly robust tree.  On his departure he also humbly suggested that Turaga Matau consider remedying the asymmetry of his Kanohi, since it was “not ironic like Onewa’s.”

 

His next stop was reportedly the underground village of Onu-Koro, where the carver quickly found himself at home among the ingenious machines and bounteous caverns.  Most of his stay was allegedly spent lecturing a large, dimly-lit crowd on the importance of good lighting in craftsmanship, speculating that, “I found a lightstone lying on the ground once, so it can’t really be that hard.”  Sources remain unclear on whether those who mistook him for Taipu took him more or less seriously.

 

Ta-Koro was slotted next on the carver’s schedule, but before he could speak Hafu was apparently chased out of town by an irate Vakama whose only discernible words were allegedly “Nui-Jaga” and “hubris.”  The doughty Po-Koronan scrambled onto the cablecar to Ko-Koro just in time to escape the growing mob at his heels.

 

After “deliberately admiring” the scenic wastes of Ko-Wahi for over three hours, the relieved carver at last discovered the reclusive village’s Sanctum.  The carver reportedly mistook the passive Ko-Koronans for good listeners, with Turaga Nuju entertaining the strange Matoran’s apparent need to jabber late into the night.  A discerning Hafu praised their tendency toward taciturnity over boastfulness, but lamented the fact that they had not yet discovered a way to prevent their intricate ice sculptures from melting at lower altitudes: “Real art can sit in the sun!”

 

Coming down the mountain, the undeterred carver overcame his fear of water long enough to inform Ga-Koro that while their commanding sculpture of Toa Gali was impressive, the water-folk might “show some vision and carve six.”  Several Ga-Matoran were reportedly so appreciative of Hafu’s wisdom that they attempted to push him overboard “for his own good” on his seaward departure from the village.

 

Finally, at the end of a long journey the exhausted craftsman retired to his home city of Po-Koro, but not before sagely pointing out that the few Koli balls he had not carved could fortunately be improved with the purchase of his new ebook for only 95 widgets.

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Several Ga-Matoran were reportedly so appreciative of Hafu’s wisdom that they attempted to push him overboard “for his own good” on his seaward departure from the village.

 

A departure from the standard Ga-Matoran tactic, which, as some of the other stories would suggest, would be to develop instant crushes and mob him happily. Obviously, Hafu messed up somewhere.

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