OBLIVION: Review

[Ehksidian]

I don't know if I could kill off Bronze. His character is so naively optimistic; I'd hate to rip that down...

and now i strongly suspect he's goin to die

i mean you do love killing off "important" (main cast) characters and all.

Edited March 3, 2016 by Ehksidian

[Voltex]

 

I don't know if I could kill off Bronze. His character is so naively optimistic; I'd hate to rip that down...

and now i strongly suspect he's goin to die

i mean you do love killing off "important" (main cast) characters and all.

 

 

It's a new day and a new world

[Voltex]

A little teaser for all of you for something coming in a few days:

 

---

 

C://CORE_DIRECTORY//15145

 

://OPEN|FILE_01

 

://

 

It is cold. It is so very, very cold.

 

Just like me.

 

---

 

It's not a huge teaser, mostly because it's not a very big thing; but it does hold a few hints at what might be to come, and will mark something of an anniversary when it arrives on the 6th.

 

I'll see you all then.

Edited March 3, 2016 by Lucina

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I really enjoyed the latest chapter of this.

 

I guess with Sirien being held hostage at the beginning of the chapter, she will probably not be dying anytime soon. Which would be good because I like her character a lot. 

 

The team finding Artakha's body out in the middle of nowhere is kind of odd. I wonder if whoever killed him just left him there, as if his body was trash. I would say that Velika had something to do with it, but I doubt he would've left Artakha's Mask of Creation with his body. Unless he just didn't care about it....

 

Man, I'm over thinking this. Anyways' I look forward to reading the next chapter!

[Voltex]

I really enjoyed the latest chapter of this.

 

I guess with Sirien being held hostage at the beginning of the chapter, she will probably not be dying anytime soon. Which would be good because I like her character a lot. 

 

The team finding Artakha's body out in the middle of nowhere is kind of odd. I wonder if whoever killed him just left him there, as if his body was trash. I would say that Velika had something to do with it, but I doubt he would've left Artakha's Mask of Creation with his body. Unless he just didn't care about it....

 

Man, I'm over thinking this. Anyways' I look forward to reading the next chapter!

 

We'll get a bit more background on Artakha's dead later on (maybe not that much later, though).

 

I'll try not to make you all wait nearly a month for Chapter 5

[Voltex]

(From the Files of a Stranger)

 

Not much to say about this; just something short and sweet for you all, with a few hints hidden inside.

[Inferna Firesword]

Well, that's not ominous/mysterious at all xD

 

If I had to guess, I'd wager that the speaker for this chapter is either Velkia or the Energized Protodermis Entity. Complete shots in the dark, though.

 

-Inferna

[Voltex]

Well, that's not ominous/mysterious at all xD

 

If I had to guess, I'd wager that the speaker for this chapter is either Velkia or the Energized Protodermis Entity. Complete shots in the dark, though.

 

-Inferna

 

I will give a small hint: the file was written by a character that has already appeared.

[The Hip Historian Iaredios]

That latest entry made me have one thought the entire time:

 

Marendar cometh, and it is sentient. It is like an angel, knowingly and willingly serving it's lord and all the justice that comes hither, though in this case it is more like an angel of death.

Edited March 8, 2016 by Sir Iaredios

[Voltex]

That latest entry made me have one thought the entire time:

 

Marendar cometh, and it is sentient. It is like an angel, knowingly and willingly serving it's lord and all the justice that comes hither, though in this case it is more like an angel of death.

 

>.>

 

<.<

 

I can neither confirm nor deny Marendar's presence in Oblivion.

[Inferna Firesword]

 

That latest entry made me have one thought the entire time:

 

Marendar cometh, and it is sentient. It is like an angel, knowingly and willingly serving it's lord and all the justice that comes hither, though in this case it is more like an angel of death.

 

>.>

 

<.<

 

I can neither confirm nor deny Marendar's presence in Oblivion.

 

Translation: 'Iaredios got it bang on the nose, but for plot's sake I can't say if he's right or not.' =P

 

Marendar actually seems to be the most logical answer, all things considered. I guess he didn't come to mind because he a) didn't appear in the main story before we were left hanging, and b) doesn't have his own BS01 page.

 

-Inferna

[Voltex]

 

 

That latest entry made me have one thought the entire time:

 

Marendar cometh, and it is sentient. It is like an angel, knowingly and willingly serving it's lord and all the justice that comes hither, though in this case it is more like an angel of death.

 

>.>

 

<.<

 

I can neither confirm nor deny Marendar's presence in Oblivion.

 

Translation: 'Iaredios got it bang on the nose, but for plot's sake I can't say if he's right or not.' =P

 

Marendar actually seems to be the most logical answer, all things considered. I guess he didn't come to mind because he a) didn't appear in the main story before we were left hanging, and b) doesn't have his own BS01 page.

 

-Inferna

 

 

Marendar could certainly prove useful, assuming it were to be used.

[BronzeJet (I can FLY)]

can't wait for the next chapter

[In Between the Shadows]

Wait… was that White 1, aka iBrow, aka Voltex?

[Voltex]

Wait… was that White 1, aka iBrow, aka Voltex?

 

Truthfully, I hadn't thought of that

 

I never really decided what White One's eventual fate ended up being. He's kinda stuck in limbo, I suppose.

[Voltex]

I would have shared this before now, but until this point I wasn't certain if it would fit into Chapter 5...

 

 

...but it does.

 

In Chapter 5, you will all get to witness exactly how dangerous Velika can be.

[In Between the Shadows]

Yay! \()/

[BronzeJet (I can FLY)]

\  *   *  /

 [   0   ]

[Voltex]

Here's a small teaser of the chapter; I'm hoping to finish it by the end of the week (just as proof that you won't have to wait a month this time )

 

---

 

From what Smoke Monster could gather, all of the cells within the Skrall’s prison camp were absolutely filthy – and that was being generous. Each of them was little more than a square metal cage, the bars stretching deep into the ground, with a sturdy wooden pole in the center. The ground of every cell was dirt and sand at best, and mud at worst. The guards had failed to respond to every trick he had tried to pull with his limited light abilities, and escape looked to be impossible.

 

The only upside to his imprisonment was that he had been assigned to share a cage with RG. The other Matoran’s electric blue coloring (golden Mask of Creation adorning his face aside) had already caused the Skrall and their leader, the self-entitled Pilgrim Shadow, to mis-identify him as a Ga-Matoran. Once upon a time, Smoke Monster was certain that RG had re-designed his armor to specifically serve such a purpose, although getting a straight answer from the Matoran in his current state was impossible.

 

Smoke Monster knew from firsthand experience that RG was actually a Matoran of Plasma. Once, many years ago, they had both been prisoners inside a mystical space station, one known as the Red Star.

 

Over four hundred years ago for Smoke Monster; less than seventy for RG… or possibly even lower, depending exactly on both how and when the Plasma Matoran had been brought back to life by the Order of Mata-Nui. However the long-defunct organization had managed it, the process had clearly caused irreparable damage to RG’s mind; the knowledge did not help Smoke Monster’s just-as-long soured opinion towards the Order that he had helped to tear down so effectively that none of their members had survived.

 

“We crashed the Red Star down into Metru-Nui RG,” he said, breaking a silence that had stretched for hours, chuckling fondly at the memory. “Tore down most of Po and Onu-Metru in the process, remember? Caused the Archives to collapse under most of the city. The damage was catastrophic.”

 

The electric blue Su-Matoran remained silent, but the Mask of Creation twisted to face him, eyes shining with curiosity underneath. The disguised Av-Matoran took it as a sign to continue his reminiscing.

 

“I was up there for so long,” he continued, his smile turning into a frown as his mind dredged up flickers of memories from centuries spent aboard the space station. “I was up there for so long that I forgot my own name… and when the Council took control, I was one of the few that managed to stay out of their grasp. The place had always been like a prison, but when the Council took over, I became a bona fide fugitive. And then the rest of you started to show up; the ones that the Council would actively try to stop from reviving, killing you aboard the Red Star if necessary to wipe you out forever. So many Matoran gone forever before they could even realize that they had a second chance; Locke, MT, Canis, Burnmad, Lhikevikk….”

 

“Lots of dead,” RG mumbled, eyes flicking back and forth between Smoke Monster and the nearest Skrall guard. “Killed by shadows and the white.”

[BronzeJet (I can FLY)]

cool can't wait for the next chapter emphasis on the word can't

[Voltex]

This chapter is probably still rough around the edges, but here it is anyway:

 

"IT'S ALL A GAME"

 

-Smoke Monster chats with an old friend

-A Creator becomes a Warrior

-Velika plays an ace... and he has many, many more.

 

---

 

Stay tuned for Chapter 6.

[Inferna Firesword]

Looks good to me ... then again, I'm a bit sleepy right now, so any roughness looks smooth to me. =P

 

Also, Sir Iaredios called it! Marendar's here ... and dear gods, he frightens me.

 

So Velkia has a Terminator/Sentinel on his side, completely obedient to him. And the team's probably going to have to fight him, when they get out of this predicament. Wonderful.

 

One thing's for sure: someone's gonna die.

 

-Inferna

[BronzeJet (I can FLY)]

for some reason i just feel that when they are fighting in the stadium when bronze is targeted he will be attacked but will be saved by an invisible wall of optimism

[Voltex]

Looks good to me ... then again, I'm a bit sleepy right now, so any roughness looks smooth to me. =P

 

Also, Sir Iaredios called it! Marendar's here ... and dear gods, he frightens me.

 

So Velkia has a Terminator/Sentinel on his side, completely obedient to him. And the team's probably going to have to fight him, when they get out of this predicament. Wonderful.

 

One thing's for sure: someone's gonna die.

 

-Inferna

 

Well, Velika's size might be misleading, but it still doesn't change the fact that he's tiny at only 4 feet. Having a giant killer robot helps.

 

I'm looking forward to when the team encounters Marendar for the first time.

 

for some reason i just feel that when they are fighting in the stadium when bronze is targeted he will be attacked but will be saved by an invisible wall of optimism

 

Or his naivety will get him killed

[BronzeJet (I can FLY)]

eeeh i still think that would be cool just a shield formed from the power of optimism

[Voltex]

eeeh i still think that would be cool just a shield formed from the power of optimism

While it might be cool, I'm afraid it wouldn't fit in with this world very much

[The Hip Historian Iaredios]

Finally got around to reading the latest chapter. 

 

A few things to say. First, if it is too much of a mouthful, you don't have to use 'Paerkenon' all the time, you used it in the introduction of my character so unless you are going to include mentioning of the history of the surname (go crazy) you can loose it; if you want, that is.

 

I didn't really read Velika's words as being his own. He enjoys communicating in riddles and parables (probably as a test to see the wit and patience of his audiences), and his blatant disuse of them felt off-character. The description of his base of operations (sand-mold castle and white metal) was pretty nice, spoke to my imagination. Last bit is not a complaint, but I never imagined Marendar being exactly like that; at least we both imagined him as a giant brutish robot.

[Voltex]

Finally got around to reading the latest chapter. 

 

A few things to say. First, if it is too much of a mouthful, you don't have to use 'Paerkenon' all the time, you used it in the introduction of my character so unless you are going to include mentioning of the history of the surname (go crazy) you can loose it; if you want, that is.

 

I didn't really read Velika's words as being his own. He enjoys communicating in riddles and parables (probably as a test to see the wit and patience of his audiences), and his blatant disuse of them felt off-character. The description of his base of operations (sand-mold castle and white metal) was pretty nice, spoke to my imagination. Last bit is not a complaint, but I never imagined Marendar being exactly like that; at least we both imagined him as a giant brutish robot.

Although he was utterly trounced, Artakha is someone that I think Velika would consider an equal (or as close to an equal as Velika might consider anyone, really). Hence his words being more straightforward than normal.

[Voltex]

Here's a bit of a teaser for Chapter 6: "Spine Eater":

 

---

 

“Your little friend RG here was luckier than I was,” Xaeraz growled. “He was allowed to die for good. Stabbed in the back and then boom, he was gone. But me… no, I was stupid. I was too worried about staying alive, and I didn’t really care what it meant at the time, you know? But if I’d known… oh, if I’d known. But then, that’s just another thing Voltex and I always had in common – surviving.”

 

“Voltex perished not long after you did,” Iaredios replied, now sounding confused. “He suffered an injury from the one who killed you, and died of the wound a few weeks later.”

 

“That’s a lie,” Xaeraz snarled, his eyes narrowing to a glare as they flicked to Smoke Monster. “You know the truth, don’t you? You travelled with him for centuries.”

 

Smoke Monster swallowed. “I… I did. But I didn’t know.”

 

“No, I bet you didn’t,” Xaeraz scoffed, pulling out a knife and twirling it in his hands. “But she told you, didn’t she? Your Mad Great Being.”

 

“She did.”

 

“Told you that you could see him again if you went with her…”

 

Smoke Monster sighed. “Where are you going with this, Xaeraz?”

 

“She found me too,” the Fe-Matoran growled. “You thought you were the only survivor of the uprising that she tracked down, didn’t you? Thought that the others were all still hidden, or missing, or maybe even dead if they got really lucky. No, the others are all out there. She’s playing all of you, and none of you even realize it!”

 

“What are you saying?!” Smoke Monster snapped, shoving his way past Sirien and Marako to stand at the front of the group. “She’s trying to stop Velika, Xaeraz! She’s trying to save the world!”

 

“And what exactly is Velika planning that will end the world?” Xaeraz asked, his voice dropping to a chilling whisper. “What does she plan to do with the world once you’ve stopped him?"

 

---

 

Xaeraz is always one of my favorite characters to write; both the most insane and the sanest character at the same time, flipping between the two on a whim and in the blink of an eye. It continues to be a delight.

[Inferna Firesword]

Looking good! Seems like the team survived for now ... though considering that Bronze isn't mentioned, it looks like the (hypothetical) optimism/naïveity shield isn't going to save him. =P

 

-Inferna

Edited April 6, 2016 by Inferna Firesword

[Voltex]

Looking good! Seems like the team survived for now ... though considering that Bronze isn't mentioned, it looks like the (hypothetical) optimism/naïveity shield isn't going to save him. =P

 

-Inferna

 

I can neither confirm nor deny the possible deaths or survival of any characters not mentioned =P

[BronzeJet (I can FLY)]

i never said it would happen i just said that it would be cool something else that would be cool is if it was an actual self defence thing that he has but he calls it a shield of optimism

[Voltex]

Another update on Chapter 6!

 

We'll get to see a little scene from the view of Sirien's captor, whom we met at the beginning of Chapter 4 (though when the capture took place, we still have no idea!). The Stranger will be meeting a new character, and will spot a few that we have already been introduced to; but I won't spoil anything more.

 

For now.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Finally had time to read chapter 5. I enjoyed it a lot, especially the conversations between Artakha and RG. Though Marendar taking out Artakha so fast was really surprising and set the tone for both it and Velika as characters. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.

 

I do have a question though: Was giving Artakha a hammer as a weapon to make a reference to Ekimu? I only ask because both of them wear the Mask of Creation and were creators, just in different canons of the official story. Plus Ekimu's weapon is a hammer as well. I'm just curious if you gave Artakha a hammer as a weapon to make a reference to him.

[Voltex]

Finally had time to read chapter 5. I enjoyed it a lot, especially the conversations between Artakha and RG. Though Marendar taking out Artakha so fast was really surprising and set the tone for both it and Velika as characters. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.

 

I do have a question though: Was giving Artakha a hammer as a weapon to make a reference to Ekimu? I only ask because both of them wear the Mask of Creation and were creators, just in different canons of the official story. Plus Ekimu's weapon is a hammer as well. I'm just curious if you gave Artakha a hammer as a weapon to make a reference to him.

 

It was half reference, half 'would somebody who has created things his entire life really wield something like an axe or a sword versus a hammer?', so yeah.

[In Between the Shadows]

Xaeraz is always one of my favorite characters to write; both the most insane and the sanest character at the same time, flipping between the two on a whim and in the blink of an eye. It continues to be a delight.

 

I think that’s why I find Xaeraz one of the most enjoyable character to read.

[Voltex]

A little rough again but here you all are! I promise, the wait for Chapter 7 won't be nearly as long (the vast majority of it has already been written, in fact).

 

"SPINE EATER"

 

-The prisoners confront Xaeraz, one of the most fearsome Matoran of all time;

-New Atero is visited by a Stranger.

 

---

 

Stay tuned for CHAPTER 7 - "BY THE FIRESIDE"!

[Inferna Firesword]

“That’s a dinosaur,” Sirien finally said, her voice flat. “She is riding on a giant dinosaur.”

That might be the best quote ever. Or an accurate representation of Araina's character. Or both.

 

I think I've been waiting on someone questioning why Sirien is telepathic, and I finally get that questioning, so I'm happy. =P

 

And Bronze isn't dead. Does get hurt, though, so ... partially right?

 

Looking forward to Chapter 7!

 

-Inferna

[The Hip Historian Iaredios]

History of the planet eh? Well it seems the hybrid and the odd deity get to have some enlightening chats.

 

Curious about a couple of things: what color is the MU blood? And the usage of the word 'dinosaur' is quite the specific scientific terminology (I once wanted to be a paleontologist); I myself would have used the broad term 'dragon' and give a general description, but hey its your story.

 

Re-reading that, I feel like that previous sentence sounds somewhat passive aggressive. If you also received that tone that, I want to apologize: it wasn't my intent.

 

 

“That’s a dinosaur,” Sirien finally said, her voice flat. “She is riding on a giant dinosaur.”

That might be the best quote ever. Or an accurate representation of Araina's character. Or both.

I think I've been waiting on someone questioning why Sirien is telepathic, and I finally get that questioning, so I'm happy. =P

And Bronze isn't dead. Does get hurt, though, so ... partially right?

Looking forward to Chapter 7!

-Inferna

 

 

No no no, the whole bit was great.

 

“That’s a dinosaur,” Sirien finally said, her voice flat. “She is riding on a giant dinosaur.”

 

“Dinosaurs are typically rather large by default,” Iaredios replied. “Calling one ‘giant’ is rather redundant.”

 

“Shut up.”

Its so something I would say with a grin and flavorful style before returning to silence. My mother has been tempted to flip me off with similar things (she doesn't do that stuff normally).

[Voltex]

 

“That’s a dinosaur,” Sirien finally said, her voice flat. “She is riding on a giant dinosaur.”

That might be the best quote ever. Or an accurate representation of Araina's character. Or both.

 

I think I've been waiting on someone questioning why Sirien is telepathic, and I finally get that questioning, so I'm happy. =P

 

And Bronze isn't dead. Does get hurt, though, so ... partially right?

 

Looking forward to Chapter 7!

 

-Inferna

 

 

Glad you enjoyed it!

It was nice to see Sirien's snarkier side again.

 

History of the planet eh? Well it seems the hybrid and the odd deity get to have some enlightening chats.

 

Curious about a couple of things: what color is the MU blood? And the usage of the word 'dinosaur' is quite the specific scientific terminology (I once wanted to be a paleontologist); I myself would have used the broad term 'dragon' and give a general description, but hey its your story.

 

Re-reading that, I feel like that previous sentence sounds somewhat passive aggressive. If you also received that tone that, I want to apologize: it wasn't my intent.

 

 

“That’s a dinosaur,” Sirien finally said, her voice flat. “She is riding on a giant dinosaur.”

That might be the best quote ever. Or an accurate representation of Araina's character. Or both.

 

I think I've been waiting on someone questioning why Sirien is telepathic, and I finally get that questioning, so I'm happy. =P

 

And Bronze isn't dead. Does get hurt, though, so ... partially right?

 

Looking forward to Chapter 7!

 

-Inferna

 

 

No no no, the whole bit was great.

 

“That’s a dinosaur,” Sirien finally said, her voice flat. “She is riding on a giant dinosaur.”

 

“Dinosaurs are typically rather large by default,” Iaredios replied. “Calling one ‘giant’ is rather redundant.”

 

“Shut up.”

Its so something I would say with a grin and flavorful style before returning to silence. My mother has been tempted to flip me off with similar things (she doesn't do that stuff normally).

 

As a holdover from previous epics that I have written, MU blood is the same shade of dark red as ours. The term dinosaurs was tossed about a little bit back in 2009/2010 when we learned what the original plans for 2010 and 2011 were before the original Bionicle cancellation, and dinosaurs themselves are tied into a character showing up soon, hence the use of the term here.