Tuwhera Hopuoro Po

[Master Inika]

On the island of Mata Nui, in the Kini-Nui that sat in its center, the entire Matoran population, the six Turaga who lead the island, and the six Toa who protected it sat in reverent silence until Turaga Vakama, leader of all the Turaga, stood and addressed the crowd:

 

“Gathered friends, we sit here today to pay homage to and enjoy one of our oldest and most sacred traditions—the Tuwhera Hopuoro Po.”

 

Everyone applauded, eager to get on with the main event.

 

“Tuwhera Hopuoro Po,” Vakama repeated. “The words themselves are from a language ancient when I was young. We now call it… Open Mic Night!”

 

The crowd applauded, louder now, intent on knowing which Matoran comedian would take the stage.

 

“Without further ado, I present to you… Ridado, the Ha-Matoran!”

 

Vakama took a seat as Ridado, the Matoran clad in orange and purple armor, took the stage.

 

“Hello, Mata Nui! First of all, I’d like to thank Turaga Vakama for that lovely introduction, but in the future, wise one, please leave the joke-making to me, although I must commend you for saying ‘when I was young’ with a straight face. We all know another way of saying that, don’t we, folks? How about: ‘in the time before time’!”

 

The entire crowd, including Turaga Vakama, erupted in uproarious laughter.

 

“All right, ladies and gentle-Matoran, how’s that for an ice-breaker?” Ridado said before gasping and adding, “Oops! No offense to the good people of Ko-Koro.”

 

Between chuckles, Turaga Nuju clicked and tweeted at Ridado.

 

“The Turaga—Ha!—The Turaga says, ‘None taken!’” said Matoro.

 

“Ah, you Ko-Matoran, you know I love you,” Ridado said. He looked to one Ko-Matoran and said, “You there, what’s your name?”

 

“Lumi,” the Ko-Matoran replied.

 

“All right, Lumi, and what do you do for a living?”

 

“I’m a seer.”

 

“All right, let’s see just how good at it you are. How many fingers am I holding up?”

 

Once again, laughter echoed throughout Kini-Nui. Ridado moved on to a Ta-Matoran and asked him his name.

 

“Tiribomba,” the Matoran answered.

 

“Tiri-what-now?” Ridado said. “Did the Great Spirit lose a bet with Makuta when he named you? Don’t worry about it. What do you do, Ti-a-ri-bo-um-ba?”

 

“I’m a lava farmer.”

 

“Lava farmer? What in the world does that even mean?” Ridado asked. “What do you do, let the lava out of the barn in the morning and let it graze the pasture until evening?” Ridado shifted his focus to a Ga-Matoran in the audience next and said, “I recognize you; Nixie, right? The astrologer? You know a thing or two about confusing jobs. Not that understanding the job itself is confusing, but that the job is to make other Matoran confused enough to actually pay you to tell them vaguely-worded meaninglessness!”

 

Everyone laughed, including Nixie, who admitted, “It’s true!”

 

Ridado moved on to addressing the Toa in the audience. “Gali, Toa of Water? Do I have that right? Great, I’ll let you know as soon as I can use a drink. There’s a Toa of Ice there, too, right? How come? Ice is just frozen water. What’s next? A Toa of Earth next to a Toa of Stone?”

 

Everyone laughed as Ridado said, “Thank you everyone, you’ve been a beautiful audience! Unity, Duty, Destiny, Comedy!” The crowd repeated the phrase before applauding, concluding another successful Tuwhera Hopuoro Po as Ridado got his glass of water from Gali and rode off backward on his Ussal Crab.

[Space: Ocean of Awe]

I honestly lost it at "open mic night," and laughed solidly through the rest...I haven't laughed this hard in ages. Thank you for this! A+ work! xD

[Wiriamu]

Genius