TuragaNuva Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 I looked at the Kaita/Manas changes, and that's not what I meant. I meant that within the paragraphs, there are sentences from both the MNOG walkthrough and the book. So, in these paragraphs, there are both sentences in past tense, present tense, first person and third person at the same time, which makes it incoherent. So maybe either edit those paragraphs to only include one style, or divide between the MNOG walkthrough and the book more, so that no paragraph has all those writing styles mixed in. The 2009 reordering plan looks good. I do agree with not putting Secret of Certavus first. The Glatorian comic 1 is a much better introduction to the Bara Magna story, since that's essentially what it was meant to do in the first place. Oh, and since you've been discussing Makuta's Guide to the Universe, what about just using the entries from Makuta's Diary? Either together with Reign of Shadows or at the end of the 2008 story?Ah, okay. Apologies for the misunderstanding. My thought was that the third-person narration of the lines from the book could be read as Takua narrating in first-person, but looking back through it, I see the changes in tense that make it not work (not sure why I didn't see that earlier). I'm tempted to just change all of the tenses to match, but I see there are a lot of references to things that aren't visible (thoughts, feelings), so I'm not sure that works with Takua describing the scene as he sees it. I'll have to do some re-working for sure. I haven't re-read the Makuta diary entries in while (nor most of the Mata Nui ones). My memory of them was that they mostly just rehash events from the books, but I'll go back through them and see. Quote Writing: The Shadow Within | Heroes of Legend | Ora Nui Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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