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Biological Chronicle: The Complete Bionicle Collection


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Book 2, Page 51: “Not onlyjust me, either." is missing a space.

Treespeak!

 

Book 2: The word "krana" is lowercase in the content coming from the Chapter Books, but capitalized in the Wall of History sections.

Oh right, I never came to a decision on whether to capitalize that or not. I'll fix that soon.

 

Also, off topic, “Makuta,” Lewa interjected suddenly. “It was Makuta. He released the manyswarms when we tried to awaken Mata Nui. It was not yet the right time, the time he had planned – but he outsent them early, hoping to stop us.”

Are they foreshadowing Makuta's masterplan this early? Or am I misinterpreting this quote?

Oh wow... don't remember noticing that before. Good catch!
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- Also in Chapter 24 there's an introduction to a Nui-Jaga cavern raiding episode that has no continuation. I assume the chapter books themselves are to blame, and wonder if it wouldn't be better to remove it.

That particular passage is actually taken from the Bionicle Style Guide, added at Toatapio Nuva's suggestion. I felt like it fit well with the montage of scenes in that chapter, but in retrospect, I see what you mean about its lack of resolution feeling odd. It's still in place, but I'll consider removing it.

 

As the person who suggested its inclusion in the first place, I'm gonna argue against removing that section here, simply because it's one of those rare cases where its content doesn't actually contradict any of the known canon, unlike some of the other parts of the Style Guide (especially in the Bohrok section). Therefore, I feel that keeping it would help the goal of "completeness" that this project has had. Furthermore, as TuragaNuva said, it fits well with the montage that is already presented in the Hapka book.

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Finished Book 2.

 

Here's more stuff:

 

Pages 73 and 128: "Kolhii" shows up again, but just once in each of these pages (it shows a third time in the last page but, being Naming Day, it's correct there).

 

Page 80: Lacking a C in "cannot" on the last baloon, should be easy to fix taking the C from "control"

 

Page 83: Lacking an N and a misplaced bold A in the third baloon on the right. As above, easy to fix.

 

Page 107: Was the correct term "Ta-Koran"? I seem to remember "Ta-Koronan" being used in Book 1.

 

Page 116: There's an empty yellow square in the top left corner. The Matoran Nui comic back in Book 1 had a few too. Did you remove something from there or were they as-is from the source?

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As the person who suggested its inclusion in the first place, I'm gonna argue against removing that section here, simply because it's one of those rare cases where its content doesn't actually contradict any of the known canon, unlike some of the other parts of the Style Guide (especially in the Bohrok section). Therefore, I feel that keeping it would help the goal of "completeness" that this project has had. Furthermore, as TuragaNuva said, it fits well with the montage that is already presented in the Hapka book.

I agree with your points, which is why I added it in the first place. But I did already remove "Protection" for being too confusing to the reader, despite it being canon, and I'm concerned this passage might have the same problem. For now I'm leaving it in, but I'd appreciate more feedback if anyone else has an opinion on this.

 

Finished Book 2.

 

Here's more stuff:

 

Pages 73 and 128: "Kolhii" shows up again, but just once in each of these pages (it shows a third time in the last page but, being Naming Day, it's correct there).

 

Page 80: Lacking a C in "cannot" on the last baloon, should be easy to fix taking the C from "control"

 

Page 83: Lacking an N and a misplaced bold A in the third baloon on the right. As above, easy to fix.

 

Page 107: Was the correct term "Ta-Koran"? I seem to remember "Ta-Koronan" being used in Book 1.

 

Page 116: There's an empty yellow square in the top left corner. The Matoran Nui comic back in Book 1 had a few too. Did you remove something from there or were they as-is from the source?

- I could only find one instance of it (not counting the one on Naming Day), but I've fixed it.

- Fixed

- Fixed

- Good point. The Cathy Hapka page on BS01 suggests that the term "Ta-Koran" is incorrect, and since "Koran" seems to only be used once ever (that was the only result when I did a Ctrl+F on the complete compilation for it), I've simply changed that to "Ta-Koro guard" instead of "Ta-Koran guard."

- That particular box was previously scene transition text, which didn't make sense anymore with the compilation layout. Most colored-in boxes like that were promoting other media (e.g. Read the books! Check out the website to learn more!), which I didn't think made sense in the compilation (since most of the other media they reference is already in the compilation).

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Nevermind, I counted the (correct) Naming day instance of Kohlii twice. My bad.

 

EDIT: Reading volume 3.

 

So far, my comments:

 

Page 70: “Very well,” said Vakama as the others rose. “I propose that we speak with them after the kolhii ball tournament. Surely nothing will happen there that will distract us from our purpose… is missing a quotation mark at the end. Also, the lowercase "kolhii" in the chapter book material versus the uppercase "Kolhii" in the MNOG2 parts.
 
Page 72: “Takua!” Jaller yelled. “What are you doing down here?”
Takua winced. He’d forgotten all about the kolhii game. Is there a line missing here? The movie has one of Jaller mentioning the Kolhii game, and it'd make sense to be here too considering Takua's reaction.
 
Page 86: “You will always be honored in Ta-Koro!” he concludes as he turns back to the fire. Theres a paragraph alignment issue here.
 
Page 88: Hahli decides to investigate the large statue which she passed by on her travels to and from Po-Koro. Another alignment issue.
 
The MNOG2 content is far too dense, but I have no idea how one could make it better.
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Update time again!

 

  • "Krana" and "kolhii" now always have a lower-case "k" unless they are part of a title (e.g. "Krana Za," "Kolhii Staff of Light"). There are definitely still a lot of unnecessarily capitalized words in MNOG II, which I will try to address eventually.
  • There are now versions of Book 1 that contain a simple written version of the story from the Quest for the Toa GBA videogame (as an epilogue). Elements of the game's story have been changed to preserve canon.
  • The issues in Book 3 that OmegaLucasNuva noted have been fixed across all versions (note: there was no line missing)
  • BIG CHANGE: There are now separate "Standard" and "Complete" options for the complete compilation (as well as for Books 3 and 5). The "Standard" editions prioritize readability, while the "Complete" editions have as much content as possible. For example, the "Standard" Book 5 does not have the Protection short story, while the "Complete" version does. I highly recommend the "Standard" versions for new readers. I may go back and make a "Standard" Book 1 that doesn't include that Story Bible section about the Toa attacking a Nui-Jaga nest, but I don't like the idea of doubling the number of Book 1 versions again :P. We'll see.
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BIG CHANGE: There are now separate "Standard" and "Complete" options for the complete compilation (as well as for Books 3 and 5). The "Standard" editions prioritize readability, while the "Complete" editions have as much content as possible. For example, the "Standard" Book 5 does not have the Protection short story, while the "Complete" version does. I highly recommend the "Standard" versions for new readers. I may go back and make a "Standard" Book 1 that doesn't include that Story Bible section about the Toa attacking a Nui-Jaga nest, but I don't like the idea of doubling the number of Book 1 versions again :P. We'll see.

 

I LOVE this idea. It's a way to cater to both those who want absolutely all story material, and those who simply want the main story. This can also solve the debate about the Nui-Jaga nest scene. It could be removed from the Standard version but kept in the Complete version, like you mentioned. There are lots of parts of the story that could be removed from the standard versions actually, like many of the serials that don't affect the main story at all or never reach a conclusion, and pretty much all of the fan-written stories.

 

Seeing all the different editions... how do you manage all of it at once? :blink: I'm honestly impressed.

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I LOVE this idea. It's a way to cater to both those who want absolutely all story material, and those who simply want the main story. This can also solve the debate about the Nui-Jaga nest scene. It could be removed from the Standard version but kept in the Complete version, like you mentioned. There are lots of parts of the story that could be removed from the standard versions actually, like many of the serials that don't affect the main story at all or never reach a conclusion, and pretty much all of the fan-written stories.

 

Seeing all the different editions... how do you manage all of it at once? :blink: I'm honestly impressed.

Thanks, I do my best :P. I'm probably going to refrain from giving many of the Books Complete vs. Standard editions just to keep things simpler; I'm trying to reserve it for when something is either simply unenjoyable to read (which I feel MNOG2 is), or leaves the reader severely confused, and doesn't contribute anything particularly significant. I'm of the opinion that the serials should stay in all versions (even though I know you're not a fan of some of them :P), as well as most of the fan works.

 

 

Finished book 4.

Besides a blank page at the end of Chapter 27 (page 89), nothing to report.

Fixed. Thanks!

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Finished Book 5. Here’s what I found (page numbers based on the Complete version):

 

- On page 28: Vakama evidently agreed, for he said, “All right, Karzahni. We will do your errand. But if you plan any treachery –”

             The second line (starting with "plan") is misaligned.

 

- On page 85, there’s a pagebreak that shouldn’t be there (as the chapter doesn’t end there).

 

- On page 110: His forelegs were surprisingly short, but the rest of his body was overwhelming huge and powerful.

             Shouldn’t it be “overwhelmingly”?

 

- On page 123: “Then all of that, everything you and Onewa learned – it was the truth?” asked Nokama.

             It makes no sense to be Nokama who says this, for two reasons: Nokama was there in Metru Nui so she lived the story, she should know about this (and we learn at the end of Time Trap that Vakama told the real story about the whole “who were destined to be Toa Metru” shenanigans); also, according to chapter 23 of this book, Vakama was the only Turaga present in the Amaja Circle, along with the seven Toa and Hahli. Thus, this line should probably be said by Gali or Hahli if you want to keep the gender, or Pohatu if you take the first name basis into account.

 

- On page 186: We have brought it to Metru Nui and have hidden it.

             The next image's text starts with lowercase (and continues from this phrase), so the period on the phrase I quoted should either be eliminated or replaced with a comma. 

 

- On page 311: All of this Makuta had read in Vakama’s mind, plus one thing more: Not all the pods had made it to safety.

             Shouldn’t the word “not” be lowercase?

 

Also, I have noticed something that would be nice to be “fixed” for consistency sake, but it probably is too troublesome to do: in the first books (probably the ones set on Mata Nui, though I can't be completely sure), all treespeak is written with no space between the words (“likethis”), while in later books it is written with a hyphen between the words (“like-this”). It would be nice to have all treespeak done in the same style throughout all books, but I can see this being problematic as one would have to search for all instances of treespeak manually.

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- On page 123: “Then all of that, everything you and Onewa learned – it was the truth?” asked Nokama.

             It makes no sense to be Nokama who says this, for two reasons: Nokama was there in Metru Nui so she lived the story, she should know about this (and we learn at the end of Time Trap that Vakama told the real story about the whole “who were destined to be Toa Metru” shenanigans); also, according to chapter 23 of this book, Vakama was the only Turaga present in the Amaja Circle, along with the seven Toa and Hahli. Thus, this line should probably be said by Gali or Hahli if you want to keep the gender, or Pohatu if you take the first name basis into account.

 

I always wondered about this one too. I told myself that Nokama was just asking Vakama to confirm what he had told the Turaga long ago about them being meant to be Toa after all. As in, she knew that the false prophecy thing wasn't true, but hearing the story again made her want to confirm it. But it really does seem like a convoluted explanation. What most likely happened is that Greg mixed up the names and said Nokama instead of Gali. It's understandable, given that he had to switch between the Toa Nuva and the Toa Metru in those books. Then again, it's really hard to prove this either way.

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Finished Book 5. Here’s what I found (page numbers based on the Complete version):

 

- On page 28: Vakama evidently agreed, for he said, “All right, Karzahni. We will do your errand. But if you plan any treachery –”

             The second line (starting with "plan") is misaligned.

Fixed

 

- On page 85, there’s a pagebreak that shouldn’t be there (as the chapter doesn’t end there).

Whoops, that's from when I rearranged the comics. Fixed.

 

- On page 110: His forelegs were surprisingly short, but the rest of his body was overwhelming huge and powerful.

             Shouldn’t it be “overwhelmingly”?

Seems like it. Changed it to "overwhelmingly," as you suggested.

 

- On page 123: “Then all of that, everything you and Onewa learned – it was the truth?” asked Nokama.

             It makes no sense to be Nokama who says this, for two reasons: Nokama was there in Metru Nui so she lived the story, she should know about this (and we learn at the end of Time Trap that Vakama told the real story about the whole “who were destined to be Toa Metru” shenanigans); also, according to chapter 23 of this book, Vakama was the only Turaga present in the Amaja Circle, along with the seven Toa and Hahli. Thus, this line should probably be said by Gali or Hahli if you want to keep the gender, or Pohatu if you take the first name basis into account.

Nice catch. I've changed it to Gali.

 

- On page 186: We have brought it to Metru Nui and have hidden it.

             The next image's text starts with lowercase (and continues from this phrase), so the period on the phrase I quoted should either be eliminated or replaced with a comma.

Good catch, removed the period.

 

- On page 311: All of this Makuta had read in Vakama’s mind, plus one thing more: Not all the pods had made it to safety.

             Shouldn’t the word “not” be lowercase?

Y'know, never did I anticipate how much time I'd be spending researching formal grammar and punctuation rules for this compilation :P. From what I've read, capitalizing the first letter after a colon is acceptable as long as whatever follows the colon is a complete sentence (which it is in this case). Since that's also how it appears in the original book, I'm leaving it as-is.

 

Also, I have noticed something that would be nice to be “fixed” for consistency sake, but it probably is too troublesome to do: in the first books (probably the ones set on Mata Nui, though I can't be completely sure), all treespeak is written with no space between the words (“likethis”), while in later books it is written with a hyphen between the words (“like-this”). It would be nice to have all treespeak done in the same style throughout all books, but I can see this being problematic as one would have to search for all instances of treespeak manually.

This is a great point, and something I hadn't noticed. I'll definitely look into where exactly that changes, and make sure that it doesn't change back later and isn't some kind of subtle distinction between treespeak and chutespeak (I doubt it, but I'll check). If it looks like Greg always (or almost-always) used a hyphen, I'll change other instances to match.

 

 

 

EDIT: Sorry Toatapio, started writing this before you posted so I didn't see your post. I was also thinking that Greg probably just mistakenly put Nokama instead of Gali because of mentally shifting between the Nuva and the Metru, which is why I changed it to Gali.

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I just started Book 6 and Lewa uses the hyphenated version here. So I guess it was not for distinction between tree and chutespeak.

 

EDIT: I checked Book 3. Tales of the Masks uses the hyphenated form, Mask of Light uses the non-hyphenated. So, it looks like it's more of a Farshtey vs Kapka thing.

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I just started Book 6 and Lewa uses the hyphenated version here. So I guess it was not for distinction between tree and chutespeak.

 

EDIT: I checked Book 3. Tales of the Masks uses the hyphenated form, Mask of Light uses the non-hyphenated. So, it looks like it's more of a Farshtey vs Kapka thing.

Thanks for checking for me. Yeah, I figured it was probably a Farshtey/Hapka thing; I'll try to change them all to be hyphenated.

 

Interestingly, the Official Guide to Bionicle from 2003 doesn't use hyphens for treespeak, and I believe Greg worked on that (he wrote a dedication at the beginning of it). But it's possible that was someone else's decision.

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Amazing job on this! This is a very helpful collection of all the Bionicle lore. But, my concern is that if I start reading it now, I will miss future updates to the collection. So, do you know when we can consider this truly "finished"?

Thanks! I would say that you'll be fine starting now. Books 1-5 have been proofread by multiple people: I would consider those pretty much final (Book 6 is also near-final, having been proofread at least once). By the time you get through those, hopefully either I or someone else will have proofread the next Book or two. Also, I don't really think any more content will be getting added at this point; basically all that's left for Books 7-10 is fixing typos and making sure everything is arranged ideally.

 

That said, if you really want to be sure everything is completely, 100% finalized before starting any of it, I'm not sure when that will be. Toatapio is working his way through Book 7, and I've been trying to read through Book 8 but haven't found the time to read much of it yet. I am planning on making a post when I'm ready to declare everything finalized, though, so if you Follow the topic for updates you'll know when that happens.

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Amazing job on this! This is a very helpful collection of all the Bionicle lore. But, my concern is that if I start reading it now, I will miss future updates to the collection. So, do you know when we can consider this truly "finished"?

Thanks! I would say that you'll be fine starting now. Books 1-5 have been proofread by multiple people: I would consider those pretty much final (Book 6 is also near-final, having been proofread at least once). By the time you get through those, hopefully either I or someone else will have proofread the next Book or two. Also, I don't really think any more content will be getting added at this point; basically all that's left for Books 7-10 is fixing typos and making sure everything is arranged ideally.

 

That said, if you really want to be sure everything is completely, 100% finalized before starting any of it, I'm not sure when that will be. Toatapio is working his way through Book 7, and I've been trying to read through Book 8 but haven't found the time to read much of it yet. I am planning on making a post when I'm ready to declare everything finalized, though, so if you Follow the topic for updates you'll know when that happens.

 

Awesome! Thanks for responding. :)

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Amazing job on this! This is a very helpful collection of all the Bionicle lore. But, my concern is that if I start reading it now, I will miss future updates to the collection. So, do you know when we can consider this truly "finished"?

Thanks! I would say that you'll be fine starting now. Books 1-5 have been proofread by multiple people: I would consider those pretty much final (Book 6 is also near-final, having been proofread at least once). By the time you get through those, hopefully either I or someone else will have proofread the next Book or two. Also, I don't really think any more content will be getting added at this point; basically all that's left for Books 7-10 is fixing typos and making sure everything is arranged ideally.

 

That said, if you really want to be sure everything is completely, 100% finalized before starting any of it, I'm not sure when that will be. Toatapio is working his way through Book 7, and I've been trying to read through Book 8 but haven't found the time to read much of it yet. I am planning on making a post when I'm ready to declare everything finalized, though, so if you Follow the topic for updates you'll know when that happens.

 

I´m just hoping it gets finished!!!! very great job. Sadly Greg didnt finished the story of it :( In terms of completion i thought it might be good if u can add like the same you did with quest for the toa but with maze of shadows game and the my lego network campaign, i saw it was canon too, what do you say?

Well i know i had to put this before, so sorry, but i downloaded the complete compilation and it doesnt include the new epilogue of book 1

And it seems Protection neither

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Amazing job on this! This is a very helpful collection of all the Bionicle lore. But, my concern is that if I start reading it now, I will miss future updates to the collection. So, do you know when we can consider this truly "finished"?

 

Thanks! I would say that you'll be fine starting now. Books 1-5 have been proofread by multiple people: I would consider those pretty much final (Book 6 is also near-final, having been proofread at least once). By the time you get through those, hopefully either I or someone else will have proofread the next Book or two. Also, I don't really think any more content will be getting added at this point; basically all that's left for Books 7-10 is fixing typos and making sure everything is arranged ideally.

That said, if you really want to be sure everything is completely, 100% finalized before starting any of it, I'm not sure when that will be. Toatapio is working his way through Book 7, and I've been trying to read through Book 8 but haven't found the time to read much of it yet. I am planning on making a post when I'm ready to declare everything finalized, though, so if you Follow the topic for updates you'll know when that happens.

I´m just hoping it gets finished!!!! very great job. Sadly Greg didnt finished the story of it :( In terms of completion i thought it might be good if u can add like the same you did with quest for the toa but with maze of shadows game and the my lego network campaign, i saw it was canon too, what do you say?Well i know i had to put this before, so sorry, but i downloaded the complete compilation and it doesnt include the new epilogue of book 1

And it seems Protection neither

Thanks for catching those issues with the Complete collection! I think Google Drive got confused because I had 2 different PDFs with the same name (though I thought I'd deleted the old one). It should be fixed now.

 

As for those videogames: Maze of Shadows is based directly on the book of the same name, and doesn't really have any story that isn't in the book (the only context it provides for Protection is showing that the Metru encountered Bohrok during their journey). The possibility of adding a story summary of the My Lego Network game was discussed a while back, and I decided against adding it since it doesn't add much to the story and doesn't seem enjoyable to read. Now that I'm doing the Complete/Standard editions, though, I might add it in the Complete version. I'll take another look at it and decide.

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This is amazing. Thank you for compiling this collection. I've read parts of it (Up to Metru Nui) to keep myself occupied, but I've never sat down to read the whole thing, though I should sometime. Anyway, thanks, and congratulations on getting your project featured (even though that was a while ago now.)

:smilematoro:

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I've been thinking, it'd be really nice to have a physical version of this. Even better if it had some sweet cover artwork, like the Harry Potter novels have. I wonder if there'd be artists in the fandom interested in providing illustrations of key moments of the story as covers for a physical version of this.

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I've been thinking, it'd be really nice to have a physical version of this. Even better if it had some sweet cover artwork, like the Harry Potter novels have. I wonder if there'd be artists in the fandom interested in providing illustrations of key moments of the story as covers for a physical version of this.

I don´t think it even needs a very fine piece of art. Something minimalistic, like The Three Virtues Symbol with the BIONICLE title and the Autor on a black, rough cover it might work well; something elegant, exquisite and for a good taste at the view. 

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I've been thinking, it'd be really nice to have a physical version of this. Even better if it had some sweet cover artwork, like the Harry Potter novels have. I wonder if there'd be artists in the fandom interested in providing illustrations of key moments of the story as covers for a physical version of this.

 

I don´t think it even needs a very fine piece of art. Something minimalistic, like The Three Virtues Symbol with the BIONICLE title and the Autor on a black, rough cover it might work well; something elegant, exquisite and for a good taste at the view.

Some fan art would probably make a nice cover for paperback versions, while The Three Virtues on a leather background seems perfect for a more hardcover type book.

 

One time, when browsing on DA, I found this picture:

https://www.deviantart.com/art/In-Great-Spirit-we-trust-481058766

 

I think that that might make a good softcover/dust jacket cover, if a physical version was ever printed. A physical copy would probably end up costing a lot, though.

 

EDIT: That picture might be a spoiler, so for first time readers...

Edited by Downfall

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I was thinking something to the likes of this:

 

https://www.deviantart.com/art/The-Storyteller-442334975

 

 

Or this, but with Tahu's foot visible:

 

https://just-a-drawing-cat.deviantart.com/art/Mata-nui-01-703422780

Edited by OmegaLucasNuva
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I was first thinking action pieces, but simple background pieces from each year would be fantastic dust covers to the black leathery covers simontikaxonn suggested.

 

For example:

01 - Beach

02 - Bohrok nest

03 - Kini Nui

04 - Metru Nui or Ta Metru with the Morbuzakh

05 - Ruined Metru Nui or the place in Ko Metru where Keetongu was found

06 - Voya Nui beach (parallel with 01)

07 - Plains of Air with Mahri Nui in the background

08 - The Codrex or something in Karda Nui

09 - Bara Magna desert

10 - Maybe a view of the three planets and the nebula in space making the UDD symbol.

 

EDIT:

Feedback on Book 6:

 

Page 40: “I may not know who – or what – you are, said Tahu. “But I have seen enough to know you and your allies are what Toa exist to battle.”

- A quotation mark is missing after "who – or what – you are".

 

Page 98: There’s no “End chapter” text on the end of the comic. Not sure if there’s some missing from previous books, I didn’t pay attention there.

 

Page 110 (of the PDF): The period is missing on the first balloon and a O is missing on the third.

 

Page 125: “The name is Vezok,” answered the Piraka. My partners and I already claimed this island by right of conquest. And we don’t like trespassers.”

- Missing a quotation mark before “My partners and I”.

 

Page 165: “They are couriers for a different message from me,” the Turaga replied. They were just leaving to go back to their home.”

- Again, quotation mark, before “They were just leaving”.

 

Page 186: “Woah, easy friend!” the Toa said. “Didn’t mean to sneak up on you like that. Force of habit, my apologies; my element is Sonics.”

- There might be a comma missing between “easy” and “friend”.

 

Page 199: Axonn had spent a lot of time lately on the wrong end, of battles.

- The comma between “end” and “of battles” should be removed.

 

Page 225: Unnecessarily blank page.

 

Also, considering how important it is in Book 7, I think the direct references to the Pit made once Botar appears in Book 6 should be capitalized. The references in Matoran sayings that appear here and there and are not direct references can stay in lowercase.

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I've been thinking, it'd be really nice to have a physical version of this. Even better if it had some sweet cover artwork, like the Harry Potter novels have. I wonder if there'd be artists in the fandom interested in providing illustrations of key moments of the story as covers for a physical version of this.

I don´t think it even needs a very fine piece of art. Something minimalistic, like The Three Virtues Symbol with the BIONICLE title and the Autor on a black, rough cover it might work well; something elegant, exquisite and for a good taste at the view.
Some fan art would probably make a nice cover for paperback versions, while The Three Virtues on a leather background seems perfect for a more hardcover type book.

 

One time, when browsing on DA, I found this picture:

https://www.deviantart.com/art/In-Great-Spirit-we-trust-481058766

 

I think that that might make a good softcover/dust jacket cover, if a physical version was ever printed. A physical copy would probably end up costing a lot, though.

 

EDIT: That picture might be a spoiler, so for first time readers...

 

Once it's completed, I am planning to print a physical hardcover copy for myself from a publishing company not far from where I live that I have connections with. I personally have no problem with the black and white robot cover that TuragaNuva already has with maybe the UnityDutyDestiny logo in black on the back over. I think a minimalist style like that would look nicer than a colourful picture with elements from each year.

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Feedback on Book 6:

 

Page 40: “I may not know who – or what – you are, said Tahu. “But I have seen enough to know you and your allies are what Toa exist to battle.”

- A quotation mark is missing after "who – or what – you are".

Fixed.

 

Page 98: There’s no “End chapter” text on the end of the comic. Not sure if there’s some missing from previous books, I didn’t pay attention there.

I actually only have the "End Chapter" boxes on pages where there was a text box already present that either said "End Chapter [number]" or that I had already erased for whatever reason. I could insert them into every comic page that ends a chapter, but I'd rather not cover up more art than necessary.

 

Page 110 (of the PDF): The period is missing on the first balloon and a O is missing on the third.

 

Page 125: “The name is Vezok,” answered the Piraka. My partners and I already claimed this island by right of conquest. And we don’t like trespassers.”

- Missing a quotation mark before “My partners and I”.

 

Page 165: “They are couriers for a different message from me,” the Turaga replied. They were just leaving to go back to their home.”

- Again, quotation mark, before “They were just leaving”.

Fixed.

 

Page 186: “Woah, easy friend!” the Toa said. “Didn’t mean to sneak up on you like that. Force of habit, my apologies; my element is Sonics.”

- There might be a comma missing between “easy” and “friend”.

I've tentatively left it as-is, because it was originally written that way, and I think the meaning of the statement is still clearly conveyed (also, a single sentence of three words all separated by commas looks weird). I'm open to changing this if other people think a comma should be added.

 

Page 199: Axonn had spent a lot of time lately on the wrong end, of battles.

- The comma between “end” and “of battles” should be removed.

 

Page 225: Unnecessarily blank page.

 

Also, considering how important it is in Book 7, I think the direct references to the Pit made once Botar appears in Book 6 should be capitalized. The references in Matoran sayings that appear here and there and are not direct references can stay in lowercase.

Fixed. I've only changed the references to the Pit in the scene with Botar, since those are the ones that specifically reference the prison.

 

 

 

It's cool to see everybody talking about cover designs! I do plan to try and get a physical copy of each Book printed once it's all finalized (though cost may be an obstacle). I envisioned the covers as something simple, like maybe all-black with a white/silver UDD logo, and the Book title (with both the number and title on the spine). Some of the fanart suggestions seem like they'd make pretty cool dust jackets, but I probably won't bother with jackets when printing these. I'd love to see how it turns out if anyone decides to print their own copy/copies with dust jacket(s), though!

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So, Book 7. Lots of stuff this time.

 

Page 4: With that, Pridak idly tossed the battle leader back onto being scrambled to his feet and raced down the stairs to carry out his orders.

- For some reason, part of this line was lost. Unlike the next one, the Word files Toatapio shared don't have the complete line. I was able to find it online though: With that, Pridak idly tossed the battle leader back onto the stone floor of the tower. The panicked being scrambled to his feet and raced down the stairs to carry out his orders.

 

Page 4: Carapar and Mantax said nothing useful to add and the other because he did not want his allies to know his strategies.

- Same as above, but with the complete line in Toatapio's files: Carapar and Mantax said nothing useful, one because he had nothing useful to add and the other because he did not want his allies to know his strategies.

 

Page 14: Was the image of the comic cut in the bottom? It looks like there’s more that could fill the rest of the page.

 

Page 24: Takadox made her go back and describe how it looked in great detail When she was done, he gave a low whistle.

- Missing period after detail.

 

Page 28: "There was a time when I did not look as I do now, or have to subsist on the bottom feeders of this cursed sea."

- Shouldn’t it be had to subsist?

 

Page 46: In some ways, to Dekar’s point of view. what happened was worse.

- The period after view should be either removed or turned into a comma.

 

Page 49: “He says his name is Brutaka,” Carapar answered. And that we work for him now.”

- There’s a missing quotation mark after answered.

 

Page 52: “I have already asked Jaller to investigate the accident.”

- This is before Naming Day: Jaller should be Jala.

 

Page 53: Then he stopped. Behind his mask, his eyes widened. The first rays of dawn had illuminated the object in the road now, and Kongu could see it for what it was: a dead Le-Matoran, mask shattered from a fall. In his hand, he clutched a stone tablet that read

“Toa Tuyet.”

- There’s a missing colon after read.

 

Page 54: But before they could do it, it was stolen – no one knows by who.

- English isn’t my first language, so I may be wrong here: shouldn’t it be whom instead of who?

 

Page 54: Lhikan had offered to take on the other two Dark Hunterss and it was now looking like the Toa of Fire had the easy job.

- Hunterss should be Hunters.

 

Page 62: “Then we beat the swarms before, and we’ll beat them again,” Tahu replied.

- The phrase might make more sense if you remove then or alternatively add as after it and remove and: “We beat the swarms before, and we’ll beat them again,” Tahu replied. or “Then as we beat the swarms before, we’ll beat them again,” Tahu replied.

 

Page 66: “Um, Kongu,” said Hewkii. “We’re under-water, right?”

- Under-water should be underwater.

 

Page 67: Although some of us doubted the wisdom of this – Pohatu especially – in the end, we did what seemed we had to do.

- Not sure if this comma should stay, be removed, or if a new one should be added before in the end. If we remove – Pohatu especially – (it being surrounded by dashes means it can safely be removed without any effect on the rest) we can see that the phrase (as it is now) loses its “organization”.

 

Page 68: Matoro, shocked, didn’t answer. All he could think of was the words “can’t breathe air” if that was the case, how could he and the others ever return to Metru Nui, their home? Had the search for the Mask of Life doomed them to life under the sea?

- Either a period or an and should be added after “can’t breath air”.

 

Page 70: “Quiet,” said a white being, this one resembling a Toa-size shark.

- Shouldn’t it be Toa-sized?

 

Page 70: “Perhaps,” he said. Our day was long ago. But a new era is about to begin… and it starts with this.”

- A quotation mark is missing before Our.

 

Page 73: “We meet again, Matoro,” said Maxilos. The last time, our positions were reversed… I was the vanquished, while you stood with the victors. But you were always wiser than Jaller, Hewkii, and the rest of those spineless, self-important fools. You knew I wasn’t gone for good.”

- Another quotation mark missing before The last time.

 

Page 62: “No one said being a Toa hero would be a bowl of bula berries,” said Lewa. “Now let’s get out of here – it looks like we have a lot of unpleasant work to do.”

- Looking at previous Books, Toa hero should be written Toa-hero.

 

Page 79: He wished he was with them, tearing and rending and destroying enemies always a cure for boredom.

- A dash is missing before always: It should read destroying enemies – always a cure for boredom.

 

Page 81: "For the last time, Ehlek where is he? Where has he taken the mask?”

- I know you said three words with two commas look strange, but I think the first phrase of this quote loses its meaning if another comma isn’t added after Ehlek (or at least if the one comma of the phrase is moved from before Ehlek to after Ehlek): Either For the last time, Ehlek, where is he? or For the last time Ehlek, where is he?

 

Page 88: A few moments later, the two Toa Inika stood back to back.

- This happens after they were christened Toa Mahri, so Inika should be replaced with Mahri (this only happens in the parts taken from Prisoners of the Pit; the parts from the serials and Downfall always refer to them as Mahri)

 

Page 89: The two Toa lnika staggered to their feet.

- Same as above: Inika to Mahri.

 

Page 100: In his mind, millennia had passed, filled with hard-fought battles and great victories. Most recently, they had saved a band of Toa besieged by frostelus on a remote island.

- In previous books, frostelus was capitalized.

 

Page 100: “Zylglak,” the Toa of Air said abruptly. “You were killed by zyglak.”

- Typo on Zylglak, should be Zyglak. Also, it was capitalized in previous books as well (there are several other instances of this lowercase zyglak in this page I didn’t mention).

 

Page 104: Hours later, the Toa Inika regrouped at the sunken city.

- Inika to Mahri again.

 

Page 106: The other Toa Inika were spread out around them, too far away to hear.

- Same. Inika to Mahri.

 

Page 110: Toa Hahli and Hydraxon, their fight for-gotten, moved as one after the Barraki.

- For-gotten should be forgotten.

 

Page 111: (…) Your sacrifice is needless. Defilak – fighting and dying is what we are here to do. (…)

- The period after needless should be a comma.

 

Page 114: “No!” Axonn answered. You must not! (…)

- A quotation mark is missing before You.

 

Page 118: “You all wondered why, Takadox and Kalmah even followed me there, trying to learn my reason. Now I can tell you: I was searching for something… and I have found it.”

- The comma after why should be a period.

 

Page 119: Page unnecessarily left blank.

 

Page 123: (…) And by the way, Hydraxon, the hound may belong’ to you, but I can be very… persuasive.”

- A single quotation mark is missing before belong.

 

Page 123: Jaller didn’t know just what was going on. But his Mask of Sonar told him Matoro was approaching fast from above.

- I think it would flow better if these two sentences were joined into one, maybe with a comma. Maybe. Not sure. Jaller didn’t know just what was going on, but his Mask of Sonar told him Matoro was approaching fast from above.

 

Page 135: At one time, Jaller would have dismissed Matoro’s words as insane. But it had not been so very long ago that he had been killed by a Rahkshi then revived through the power of a being called Takanuva. Who could say what was impossible?

- Shouldn’t Takanuva be Takutanuva?

 

Page 138: “He never thought he was a true Toa hero,” said Kongu. “He always said he wasn’t an athlete or a leader, ‘just a translator.’

- Again, Toa hero to Toa-hero.

 

Page 140: And yes, he dreams now, though he had not done so in the past. Perhaps it is the result of his brush with non-existence, or perhaps some-thing else brought on the images he views.

- Some-thing should be something. Also, for some reason the text from the epilogue, when copied to another format, is pasted with double spacing and some words missing. It is a common thing with PDF files, but strangely this is the only moment it has happened in Books 1-7.

 

 

Also, one detail from Book 8 that might affect this one: The Mutran Chronicles have a similar Entry format to the Gali Nuva blog. The latter has the entire text in italics. I think they should have the same formatting — either both italicized or neither (probably not italicized to keep woth line with similar written accounts from other books, like the Wall of History segments). Also it might be better to include the serial title for these blogs so that a random Entry 1 text doesn't show up from nowhere. Again, basically like you did with the Wall of History segments. This does not apply to serials with regular format such as Into the Darkness as those fit seamlessly with the regular text.

 

And that brings to mind a different suggestion: those "Entry #" bits might look better if they are written in the same bold text as the parts saying "3000 years ago..." or in the formatting of the Wall of History titles.

Edited by OmegaLucasNuva

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I found a calculator for book prices, and a full, complete version would cost around $60 per book. An exact price would probably depend on the type of binding, the amount of colored pages, and the actual amount of pages in the edition. Out of curiosity, what are the page counts of these books?

Edited by Downfall

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So, Book 7. Lots of stuff this time.

 

Page 4: With that, Pridak idly tossed the battle leader back onto being scrambled to his feet and raced down the stairs to carry out his orders.

- For some reason, part of this line was lost. Unlike the next one, the Word files Toatapio shared don't have the complete line. I was able to find it online though: With that, Pridak idly tossed the battle leader back onto the stone floor of the tower. The panicked being scrambled to his feet and raced down the stairs to carry out his orders.

 

Page 4: Carapar and Mantax said nothing useful to add and the other because he did not want his allies to know his strategies.

- Same as above, but with the complete line in Toatapio's files: Carapar and Mantax said nothing useful, one because he had nothing useful to add and the other because he did not want his allies to know his strategies.

Fixed (though the second one is actually "[...]said nothing, one because he had nothing useful to add[...]", the first "useful" isn't supposed to be there)

 

Page 14: Was the image of the comic cut in the bottom? It looks like there’s more that could fill the rest of the page.

Nope, both the original and the Papercutz version look like that. It does look weird, though.

 

Page 24: Takadox made her go back and describe how it looked in great detail When she was done, he gave a low whistle.

- Missing period after detail.

fixed

 

Page 28: "There was a time when I did not look as I do now, or have to subsist on the bottom feeders of this cursed sea."

- Shouldn’t it be had to subsist?

Nope: "I did not [...] have to subsist"

 

Page 46: In some ways, to Dekar’s point of view. what happened was worse.

- The period after view should be either removed or turned into a comma.

 

Page 49: “He says his name is Brutaka,” Carapar answered. And that we work for him now.”

- There’s a missing quotation mark after answered.

 

Page 52: “I have already asked Jaller to investigate the accident.”

- This is before Naming Day: Jaller should be Jala.

Fixed.

 

Page 53: Then he stopped. Behind his mask, his eyes widened. The first rays of dawn had illuminated the object in the road now, and Kongu could see it for what it was: a dead Le-Matoran, mask shattered from a fall. In his hand, he clutched a stone tablet that read

“Toa Tuyet.”

- There’s a missing colon after read.

Tentatively left this unchanged, since I think it could conceivably have been left out intentionally.

 

Page 54: But before they could do it, it was stolen – no one knows by who.

- English isn’t my first language, so I may be wrong here: shouldn’t it be whom instead of who?

 

Page 54: Lhikan had offered to take on the other two Dark Hunterss and it was now looking like the Toa of Fire had the easy job.

- Hunterss should be Hunters.

Fixed (I never would have caught the "whom" thing, but you are correct).

 

Page 62: “Then we beat the swarms before, and we’ll beat them again,” Tahu replied.

- The phrase might make more sense if you remove then or alternatively add as after it and remove and: “We beat the swarms before, and we’ll beat them again,” Tahu replied. or “Then as we beat the swarms before, we’ll beat them again,” Tahu replied.

Left as-is; I think it works.

 

Page 66: “Um, Kongu,” said Hewkii. “We’re under-water, right?”

- Under-water should be underwater.

Fixed.

 

Page 67: Although some of us doubted the wisdom of this – Pohatu especially – in the end, we did what seemed we had to do.

- Not sure if this comma should stay, be removed, or if a new one should be added before in the end. If we remove – Pohatu especially – (it being surrounded by dashes means it can safely be removed without any effect on the rest) we can see that the phrase (as it is now) loses its “organization”.

I've left this unchanged, as I don't think there should be a comma right before a dashed interlude. Maybe this is incorrect, but my understanding is that one of the distinctions between using a parenthetical and dashes is that a dashed section implies a pause, whereas parentheses don't.

 

Page 68: Matoro, shocked, didn’t answer. All he could think of was the words “can’t breathe air” if that was the case, how could he and the others ever return to Metru Nui, their home? Had the search for the Mask of Life doomed them to life under the sea?

- Either a period or an and should be added after “can’t breath air”.

Fixed, there was originally a dash there.

 

Page 70: “Quiet,” said a white being, this one resembling a Toa-size shark.

- Shouldn’t it be Toa-sized?

Either is acceptable, so I've left it as-is.

 

Page 70: “Perhaps,” he said. Our day was long ago. But a new era is about to begin… and it starts with this.”

- A quotation mark is missing before Our.

 

Page 73: “We meet again, Matoro,” said Maxilos. The last time, our positions were reversed… I was the vanquished, while you stood with the victors. But you were always wiser than Jaller, Hewkii, and the rest of those spineless, self-important fools. You knew I wasn’t gone for good.”

- Another quotation mark missing before The last time.

 

Page 62: “No one said being a Toa hero would be a bowl of bula berries,” said Lewa. “Now let’s get out of here – it looks like we have a lot of unpleasant work to do.”

- Looking at previous Books, Toa hero should be written Toa-hero.

 

Page 79: He wished he was with them, tearing and rending and destroying enemies always a cure for boredom.

- A dash is missing before always: It should read destroying enemies – always a cure for boredom.

 

Page 81: "For the last time, Ehlek where is he? Where has he taken the mask?”

- I know you said three words with two commas look strange, but I think the first phrase of this quote loses its meaning if another comma isn’t added after Ehlek (or at least if the one comma of the phrase is moved from before Ehlek to after Ehlek): Either For the last time, Ehlek, where is he? or For the last time Ehlek, where is he?

 

Page 88: A few moments later, the two Toa Inika stood back to back.

- This happens after they were christened Toa Mahri, so Inika should be replaced with Mahri (this only happens in the parts taken from Prisoners of the Pit; the parts from the serials and Downfall always refer to them as Mahri)

 

Page 89: The two Toa lnika staggered to their feet.

- Same as above: Inika to Mahri.

 

Page 100: In his mind, millennia had passed, filled with hard-fought battles and great victories. Most recently, they had saved a band of Toa besieged by frostelus on a remote island.

- In previous books, frostelus was capitalized.

 

Page 100: “Zylglak,” the Toa of Air said abruptly. “You were killed by zyglak.”

- Typo on Zylglak, should be Zyglak. Also, it was capitalized in previous books as well (there are several other instances of this lowercase zyglak in this page I didn’t mention).

 

Page 104: Hours later, the Toa Inika regrouped at the sunken city.

- Inika to Mahri again.

 

Page 106: The other Toa Inika were spread out around them, too far away to hear.

- Same. Inika to Mahri.

 

Page 110: Toa Hahli and Hydraxon, their fight for-gotten, moved as one after the Barraki.

- For-gotten should be forgotten.

 

Page 111: (…) Your sacrifice is needless. Defilak – fighting and dying is what we are here to do. (…)

- The period after needless should be a comma.

 

Page 114: “No!” Axonn answered. You must not! (…)

- A quotation mark is missing before You.

 

Page 118: “You all wondered why, Takadox and Kalmah even followed me there, trying to learn my reason. Now I can tell you: I was searching for something… and I have found it.”

- The comma after why should be a period.

 

Page 119: Page unnecessarily left blank.

 

Page 123: (…) And by the way, Hydraxon, the hound may belong’ to you, but I can be very… persuasive.”

- A single quotation mark is missing before belong.

All fixed (note: the Ehlek thing was missing a dash from the original text).

 

Page 123: Jaller didn’t know just what was going on. But his Mask of Sonar told him Matoro was approaching fast from above.

- I think it would flow better if these two sentences were joined into one, maybe with a comma. Maybe. Not sure. Jaller didn’t know just what was going on, but his Mask of Sonar told him Matoro was approaching fast from above.

Left as-is, since I think it works.

 

Page 135: At one time, Jaller would have dismissed Matoro’s words as insane. But it had not been so very long ago that he had been killed by a Rahkshi then revived through the power of a being called Takanuva. Who could say what was impossible?

- Shouldn’t Takanuva be Takutanuva?

 

Page 138: “He never thought he was a true Toa hero,” said Kongu. “He always said he wasn’t an athlete or a leader, ‘just a translator.’

- Again, Toa hero to Toa-hero.

 

Page 140: And yes, he dreams now, though he had not done so in the past. Perhaps it is the result of his brush with non-existence, or perhaps some-thing else brought on the images he views.

- Some-thing should be something.

Fixed.

 

Also, for some reason the text from the epilogue, when copied to another format, is pasted with double spacing and some words missing. It is a common thing with PDF files, but strangely this is the only moment it has happened in Books 1-7.

I couldn't replicate this issue myself (I can copy text from the epilogue of both Book 7 PDFs into a Word doc just fine). The text in the PDF appears fine, right? It's just when you try to copy it that it messes up? If that's the case, I'm not too concerned about it.

 

Also, one detail from Book 8 that might affect this one: The Mutran Chronicles have a similar Entry format to the Gali Nuva blog. The latter has the entire text in italics. I think they should have the same formatting — either both italicized or neither (probably not italicized to keep woth line with similar written accounts from other books, like the Wall of History segments). Also it might be better to include the serial title for these blogs so that a random Entry 1 text doesn't show up from nowhere. Again, basically like you did with the Wall of History segments. This does not apply to serials with regular format such as Into the Darkness as those fit seamlessly with the regular text.

 

And that brings to mind a different suggestion: those "Entry #" bits might look better if they are written in the same bold text as the parts saying "3000 years ago..." or in the formatting of the Wall of History titles.

Currently, any journal/diary/"blog" entries that are interspersed with other text are italicized, while those that are collected as their own section/chapter(s) (e.g. Mutran Chronicles, Makuta's Guide to the Universe stuff) are left as standard text. I did this because I thought the italics helped distinguish these things from the surrounding text, but that it was bothersome to have entire chapters entirely in italics. I'm open to changing it, but I'd like to wait until you (and maybe Toatapio) have read through Books 8 and 9, since those have similar entries and I'd like to make any changes to them all at once (to make sure things stay consistent).

 

 

 

I found a calculator for book prices, and a full, complete version would cost around $60 per book. An exact price would probably depend on the type of binding, the amount of colored pages, and the actual amount of pages in the edition. Out of curiosity, what are the page counts of these books?

Yeah, once you add up 10 books that's a good chunk of change. The page counts for the Standard books are currently:

 

Book 1: 137

Book 2: 128

Book 3: 115

Book 4: 225

Book 5: 314

Book 6: 228

Book 7: 152

Book 8: 240

Book 9: 398

Book 10: 42

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I have been reading Book 8. I will post my complete feedback when I finish it, but I had to leave this bit here as it concerns Book 1. The Nui-Jaga nest event from the Style Guide is explained!
So, I think we have reason to keep it in the standard version of Book 1.

 

EDIT: Also regarding Book 1, this seems to be a thing: https://board.ttvchannel.com/t/unpublished-extended-version-of-tale-of-the-toa/35638/4 

Edited by OmegaLucasNuva
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Okay, no major updates to report, but I've done some general cleaning-up:

  • I noticed some page numbers weren't centered (particularly in the PDFs containing every book). That should now be fixed in all versions of all books.
  • I made some minor adjustments to the title page and copyright page (I'd forgotten to give Christian Faber credit for the cover art, among other things)
  • The various needlessly-capitalized words in MNOG2 should now be fixed. Let me know if you notice any I've missed!
  • The page number referenced in one of the '04 comic pages is now correct across all versions
  • The page numbers for the Level 3 Reader books that were incorrect have been erased. I will add in the correct page numbers once Books 8 and 9 are looking more finalized.
One other thing I started to look at was making the way treespeak is written consistent. But I noticed that, other than maybe one or two words, there aren't really any treespeak phrases that are used both without a hyphen (in Books 1 and 2) and with a hyphen (in the other Books). Not only that, but there are a few instances of Greg using treespeak with a hyphen for some words, but without one for others. The Official Guide to Bionicle (outdated as it may be) also seems to indicate that some treespeak words have hyphens while others don't. Given all of this, I'm thinking I'll make any treespeak words that sometimes have a hyphen and sometimes don't consistent, but leave it at that. Thoughts?

 

 

I have been reading Book 8. I will post my complete feedback when I finish it, but I had to leave this bit here as it concerns Book 1. The Nui-Jaga nest event from the Style Guide is explained!

So, I think we have reason to keep it in the standard version of Book 1.

 

EDIT: Also regarding Book 1, this seems to be a thing: https://board.ttvchannel.com/t/unpublished-extended-version-of-tale-of-the-toa/35638/4

I'm eager to see what you're referring to in regards to the Nui-Jaga nest scene! Also, your link isn't working for me.

 

EDIT: Got the link working. Wow! I'll definitely need to take a look at that. Thanks for letting me know!

Edited by TuragaNuva
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I'm eager to see what you're referring to in regards to the Nui-Jaga nest scene! Also, your link isn't working for me.

 

It's this bit:

 

“What’s the plan when we find them?” Gali whispered.

“Do you remember the one we used when we cleaned out that Nui-Jaga nest on Mata Nui?” Tahu replied.

Gali paused, trying to recall. Then she said, “Wait a second, we didn’t have a plan then. You and Kopaka were having one of your arguments. You hurled a fireball, missed, and set the brush on fire. The smoke drove the Nui-Jaga out, and we had to fight them all.”

“That’s the plan,” said Tahu.

 

This seems to reference that event. Though in the style guide it was Gali herself who suggested using smoke:

 

“Gali will protest,” said the Toa of Water. “This matter is not settled. This plan is foolish and dangerous. The Nui-Jaga dislike smoke… they dislike water… using our powers, Tahu, we could force them from their nest and deal with them here in the open. Instead, you want to plunge in like a starving taku bird after a fish.”

Edited by OmegaLucasNuva
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Wow, I wasn't aware there was an extended version of Tale of the Toa available in Hungarian. Nice connection!

 

BTW, has anyone finished translating the rest of the book beyond chapter 3 into English? I'd love to read more of what I've been missing out on for 15 years. :)

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Okay, a few more small updates:

  • There were a lot of instances in MNOG where a quotation mark would be put at the end of a paragraph, even if the next paragraph was being spoken by the same person. These should now all be fixed.
  • In several Books, there were a few dash marks that were too long (the result of copying different texts from different sources with different formatting). They should all be consistent now.
  • A few hyperlinks (the result of copying some text directly from BS01) were still around. Those are all now removed.
  • A few other minor fixes in Books 1 and 2 (typos, missing indents, etc.)

I'm still working on fixing the Treespeak, but that should be done soon.

 

 

 

I'm eager to see what you're referring to in regards to the Nui-Jaga nest scene! Also, your link isn't working for me.

It's this bit:

“What’s the plan when we find them?” Gali whispered.
“Do you remember the one we used when we cleaned out that Nui-Jaga nest on Mata Nui?” Tahu replied.
Gali paused, trying to recall. Then she said, “Wait a second, we didn’t have a plan then. You and Kopaka were having one of your arguments. You hurled a fireball, missed, and set the brush on fire. The smoke drove the Nui-Jaga out, and we had to fight them all.”
“That’s the plan,” said Tahu.

This seems to reference that event. Though in the style guide it was Gali herself who suggested using smoke:

“Gali will protest,” said the Toa of Water. “This matter is not settled. This plan is foolish and dangerous. The Nui-Jaga dislike smoke… they dislike water… using our powers, Tahu, we could force them from their nest and deal with them here in the open. Instead, you want to plunge in like a starving taku bird after a fish.”

 

Neat! Though it does seem like Greg may have referenced the scene from memory, rather than going back to check the details (since in the original scene, Gali wants them to do what she implies in '08 was a bad move on Tahu's part). Still, it does seem like a good reason to keep the original scene in. Nice catch!

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This took a lot longer than I imagined, but I've finally gone through book 7. The page numbers I use here refer to the pages of the new, updated version.

 

And, again... there are a ton of points to go through and fix.

 

City of the Lost

Page 4: The charts they looked over where rough – “where” should be “were

Page 5: "It was the Makuta who guarded Metru Nui and its surrounding area" - This is a continuity error. Teridax is referred to as having Metru Nui already assigned to him, even though The Mutran Chronicles states that none of the Makuta had regions assigned to them until after the Barraki were gone.

Page 5: "These others I am not familiar with, but you… you I know" - Another continuity error here. In this story, Teridax hasn’t met the Barraki other than Pridak before, but this is contradicted in The Mutran Chronicles, where Teridax is present during one of the meetings with the Barraki.

Page 6: “The Barraki believed Mata Nui could be overthrown and replaced. Of course, it could never be done by the likes of them,” Makuta said to himself. “But who is to say it could never be done at all?” – this segment should be in italics, rather than quotations

Page 7: “There might be something down below right now, watching me,” he thought. “I know they watch, with those cold, milky eyes. I know what’s happened to those who didn’t make it back before safe hour ended… or I can guess.” – again, should be in italics rather than quotations

Page 7: “Come on!” he shouted in his mind. “What’s taking so long? If they weren’t simply Rahi, I would think they take some pleasure out of making me worry like this.” – again, should be in italics rather than quotations

Pages 7-8: “What am I doing?” he said to himself. “I’ve heard enough tales of ‘quick peeks’ over the side that led to disaster. Whatever is scraping against the rocks can just stay there, as far as I’m concerned. I just want to get these hydruka and their harvest back to the city.” – again, should be in italics rather than quotations

Page 12: “the air smelled stale[,] but at least it was dry” – add comma where indicated

Page 13: After all, he reasoned, it’s just another mask – “it’s just another mask” should be in italics

Page 18: “Gar pressed his mask against the crystal-line windows of the cockpit” – “crystal-line” should be “crystalline

Page 19: “not really aiming to hurt but more to scare” – remove the dash (the original text has nothing in its place, not even a comma)

Page 25: “Kyrehx was telling the truth – It must have been responsible…” – “it” should start with a small letter (that’s how it is in the original text)

Page 29: “[‘]Cause if I kill you, I have to explain it to Takadox” – very small thing, but the single quotation mark before “cause” should be the other way around

Page 38: “…but the waters of the Pit had long ago changed them to aggressive[.] violent beasts” – replace full stop with a comma

Page 39: “…an undersea quake, perhaps [-] or another attack…” – add dash where indicated

Page 45: “Sarda gasped, choked, but the life-giving air was doing his job” – “his” should be “its

Page 46: “And you all wonder why we Le-Matoran hate the water?” – “hate” should be in italics

Page 47: “it housed power that dwarfed that of any being [-] even those that had created it” – add dash where indicated

Page 48: There should be a division of paragraph between “…knew what it was to be afraid.” and “Defilak, Gar, and Idris had gone mad…”

Page 48: “no, they were coming from inside the cord” – “inside” should be in italics

Page 50: “Do you know what I am?” – “what” should be in italics

 

The Many Deaths of Toa Tuyet

Page 52: “…after a vat of molten Protodermis had inexplicably tipped…” – “Protodermis” is usually not capitalized in other books, and I think the capitalization in this case is because the BS01 article with this story links the word to the page named Protodermis. So I think the word should not be capitalized

Page 52: “Two words were written on it [in] the language of the Matoran” – insert “in” where indicated (this is not in the original text, but it’s simply an error that it isn’t)

Page 53: “He should have been at his station a half hour ago to relieve the night Chute flow controller” – same thing with the word “chute” being capitalized as with “Protodermis”. I think it’s just cause BS01 has a link with this word

Page 53: “The Lightstones in her living quarters had been doused” – same as above with the word “lightstones”

Page 53: “Once I go, this will stop” – there’s an extra space between “go” and “this” that should be removed

Page 54: “And such a thing exists?” asking Lhikan – “asking” should be “asked” (the mistake is from the original text)

Page 55: “Lhikan guessed she had been fished out [of] a canal” – I’m not actually sure about this, but should “of” be inserted where indicated? It’s not there in the original text, and I don’t know if it works without it

Page 55: “But that’s --” Lhikan began – replace the two dashes with a single dash (it’s this way in the original text, but I think a single dash would be better for the sake of consistency with the books)

Page 56: “How did you --?” – same as above

Page 56: “The water blast that struck Lhikan came out of nowhere and sent him hurtling across the room” – there’s an extra space between “across” and “the room” that should be removed

Page 57: “But its surface was molten hot and he couldn't touch it for more than [a] second” – insert “a” where indicated (the error is in the original text)

Page 57: “You --!” raged Nidhiki. “You stupid, moronic -- what’s the matter with you?” – the same thing with the double dashes, as mentioned before

Page 57: “…although the mystery haunted him all his life” – there’s an extra space between “haunted” and “him” that should be removed

Page 57: “But the prisoners of The Pit welcomed a new companion that night” – “The Pit” should be “the Pit” (this is how it’s in the original text too)

 

Prisoners of the Pit

Page 58: “First the Rahi beasts of Mata Nui, then the Bohrok swarms”, Makuta thought as his essence drifted through the tunnels. “Now the Piraka. When will I learn to stop working my will through others? All other beings are weak and pathetic fools who cannot begin to comprehend my plans. I, and I alone, must take matters in hand if my grand design is to succeed. There are obstacles, of course – there always are. The Mask of Life is not a prize easily won. But this game I play now is different from all others… and this time I cannot lose, for my longtime enemies will be my unwitting champions.” – this segment should use italics, rather than quotations

Page 58: “The Toa will get the Mask of Life for me… and doom their own kind in the process”, thought the master of shadows. “And what a perfect revenge that will be.” – same as above, italics instead of quotations

Page 60: “I’ll light up my swords – if they burn hot enough, they’ll stay lit underwater” – here’s a continuity error: Jaller only has one sword, not two, and this has been consistently depicted in the story up to this point. So this is the only time he’s mentioned as having two swords. My suggestion is to edit this part to make him refer to just one sword.

Page 60: “Jaller’s burning swords…” – same as above

Page 60: We can’t even help ourselves, thought Jaller, as he doubled over in pain – “as he doubled over in pain” should NOT be in italics

Page 61: “Then do it, Lewa,” said Tahu. The Toa Nuva of Air nodded and triggered the power of his Kanohi Mask of Speed – Although this could be Lewa switching to his Kakama Nuva, it wouldn’t make any sense for him to do so, since Pohatu is present and already wearing the Kakama by default. Plus, no switch of masks is mentioned, just the triggering of its power. I thus think this is an error on Greg’s part, and should be changed to Pohatu using the Kakama.

Page 63: “He whirled in the water to see the Onu-Matoran, the one who had tried to break the mask, swimming frantically away” – Dekar is a Po-Matoran, not an Onu-Matoran

Page 67: “It took us only a few seconds to decide out next course of action” – “out” should be “our

Page 69: “or is it what it looks like [-] really creepy?” – add dash where indicated

Page 70: “Better listen to Takadox, masked ones” – I’m not sure if Takadox is supposed to refer to himself in third person, or whether he’s talking about Pridak (in which case this should be fixed)

Page 70: “Pridak was… not himself[…] or rather, too much himself” – insert three dots where indicated

Page 70: “he might kill you first and then ask questions of your corpses” – this is the way it's in the original text, but shouldn’t “of” be “from”?

Page 71: “and tell me [-] how much more cursed could we be?” – insert dash where indicated

Page 71: “To answer your dull-witted question, we were six…” – “were” should be in italics

Page 71: “The fields of air are free again! – the single quotation mark at the end should be a double quotation mark

Page 71: “The shock wave sent him tumbling through the water…” – this is the way it’s in the original text, but shouldn’t “shock wave” be “shockwave”?

Page 72: “Nuparu didn’t need to hear anymore” – again, this is how it’s in the original text, but shouldn’t “anymore” be “any more” in this particular case?

Page 74: “We’ll all take it there,” said Ehlek – “all” should be in italics

Page 75: The presence of amphibious prow drakes in the area served to keep Takea sharks away – “prow” should be “proto

Page 75: “No one wants to take your place.” said Pridak – replace full stop with a comma

Page 76: The mask,” Hahli answered – first quotation mark should be a double quotation mark

Page 77: “…which we all now realized must belong to the Shadowed One, leader of the Dark Hunters. [“]But I am hoping you will take the time to listen…” – insert a quotation mark where indicated

Page 81: “Carapar would never had admitted it…” – “had” should be “have

Page 82: “The myriad [of] creatures who swam in and around the reef…” – shouldn’t there be an “of” where indicated (it’s not in the original text tough)?

Page 82: “…like the fish she had so often caught off the island of Mata Nui” – this is also like this in the original text, but shouldn’t “off” be “on”?

Page 83: “Feed, my little ones.” Kalmah said – replace full stop with a comma

Page 84: “Earth and stone, victors under the sea! Right. Hewkii?” – replace full stop with a comma

Page 84: “All right, here’s what we do.” he said – replace full stop with a comma

Page 85: “But Roodaka was smart enough to know when she was [in] an impossible situation” – add “in” where indicated

Page 86: “named Icarax…he was already there” – add a space between “…” and “he”

Page 87: “And I thought you did,” said Hahli – “you” should be in italics

Page 89: “The squid attacking them shrieked in pain and detached itself” – “itself” should be “themselves”, since there are actually many squid attacking

Page 90: “…not knowing [if] they are alive or dead” – add “if” where indicated (or perhaps “whether”?)

Page 90: “he struck at us from ambush” – somehow, it seems as if something is missing here… should there be “an” before “ambush”? (not sure about this one though)

 

Into the Darkness & Dreams of Destruction

Page 92: “…keeping its distance from [the] two beings it no doubt regarded as predators” – add “the” where indicated (it’s not in the original text, but seems like it should)

Page 92: As soon as I realized I wore a mask that let me reanimate the dead[,] I should have cast it aside – add comma where indicated

Page 93: “The Staff of Artakha,” answered Makuta, “and unless I am mistaken… - the text on BS01 uses “The Staff of Artakha,” answered Makuta. “And unless I am mistaken…

Page 94: “And I'm starting to wonder if you trust me or any of us” – the text on BS01 uses a comma instead of a dash

Page 94: “Now I – we [-] have to go” – insert a dash where indicated

Page 95: “…but your journey is about the end” – replace “the” with “to

Page 96: “He hurled his ice power at them, but they shrugged it off” – there’s an extra space between “them” and “but” that should be removed

Page 97: “…an artifact known as the “heart of the Visorak.” – shouldn’t “heart” be capitalized? This is the only time in the story that it’s not, for some reason

Page 97: “I did what I could to ease its suffering[,] then began my task – add comma where indicated

Page 98: “…with two mutated Matoran in pursuit of a madbeing” – “madbeing” should be “mad being

Page 99: “Who dares!” he snarled – replace exclamation mark with question mark

Page 99: “His body has changed…” – replace “has” with “had

Page 99: “If I have lost the Staff, you are about to lose everything” – “you” should NOT be in italics

Page 100: I think there should be a paragraph division between “not wham for us.” and “Outside the cave…” (although it’s not in the original text)

Page 100: “and all that was left [for] him was revenge” – add “for” (or "to") where indicated

Page 100: “…hurling a burst of Shadow energy at Brutaka” – unnecessarily capitalized “shadow”

Page 100: “Triggering the power of his Kanohi Mask…” – “mask” unnecessarily capitalized

Page 100: “Ow,” said Brutaka – should be “Ow!” said Brutaka

Page 101: “Now I guess you could say my vision’s improved – and I just want to see you sweat” – very minor thing: before and after the dash, there appears to be extra spaces, though they don’t show when I copy the text… they just look longer than usual

Page 101: “that would allow Idris to breathe sea water” – shouldn’t “sea water” be “seawater”?

Page 102: “…the journey that had brought him to this place in time” – replace “in” with “and

Page 102: “…watching over the lands and seas of the Matoran universe” – in every other instance in the future, “Universe” is capitalized when referring to the Matoran Universe

Page 102: “the day to day safety and security of the world…” – “day to day” should be “day-to-day

Page 102: “It is a one sided battle, of course” – “one sided” should be “one-sided

Page 102: “Of course, what the larger fish quickly discovers…” – between “what” and “the”, there’s an extra space

Page 102: “the best way the only way to win…” – the original transcript uses commas instead of dashes

Page 103: “What you see is a but a fraction…” – remove the first “a”

Page 103: “…it too will be restored to where it belongs…” – “restored” should probably be “returned” (even though it’s like this in the original text)

Page 105: “Even then, its tentacles still crawl across the sea floor…” – “crawl” should be “crawled

Page 107: “The world suddenly blurred around the Toa Nuva. When their vision cleared again, they were standing with the Matoran on a desolate beach” – this sentence is written in third person, even though it’s part of Gali Nuva’s blog. Should be changed to first person.

 

Downfall

Page 108: The beginning of the chapter takes place in the future in relation to the events before and after it, so it’s a bit confusing that this is not indicated. I think there should be a “Few days in the future”, or something like that to indicate that Hahli didn’t just suddenly teleport to Metru Nui. Another option would be to move that part of the story at the end, although that might compromise the impact of the scene.

Page 108: “I don’t envy you”, the Toa Mahri of Water said – the quotation mark and the comma are the wrong way around

Page 108: “…let it float form you on a tide of words” – “form” should be “from

Page 108: “Kopaka nodded, but said nothing” – Kopeke, not Kopaka

Page 108: “She knew it was getting close to the time to she would have to leave Ga-Metru…” – remove the second “to”

Page 108: “It happened… so fast”, she said – again, the quotation mark and comma are the wrong way around

Page 108: “unity, duty, and destiny – are invincible”, Hahli continued – same as above

Page 108: “If you write nothing else, Chronicler, write this”, said Hahli – same as above

Page 108: “…but somehow they – we – always stood to fight again” – “we” should be in italics

Page 110: “…the universe needs it…” – “needs” is in italics in the book, but it's kinda weird considering the full sentence… just take a look at it and decide what is best

Page 111: “It may be that no one is going to win” – “no one” should be in italics

Page 112: “…a group calling themselves Zyglak” – this phrase is odd, since Zyglak is the name of the species, and they’re not known to talk much besides repeating “vengeance” over and over. It thus seems to contradict the rest of the story. Maybe changing it to “a group called Zyglak” or simply “Zyglak” would make it more consistent

Page 112: “Hakann dosed in again…” – “dosed” should be “closed

Page 112: “…and thanks to Vezok, wound up down in a pool of water…” – this is incorrect, it was actually Reidak who was responsible for that

Page 118: “…I have been returning there.” Mantax continued – replace full stop with a comma

Page 118: “[-]Would be if he knew the Brotherhood was going to come after us!” – add a dash where indicated

Page 121: “If you think that’s funny, you’ll love this.” said Matoro – replace full stop with a comma

Page 121: “An armored hand grabbed his from behind…” – “his” should be “him

Page 121: “Axonn, Brutaka, Umbra –all the noble guardians of the Kanohi Ignika…” – there appears to be no space after the dash

Page 123: “Sometimes it seems like they don’t want us to know anything” – “anything” should be in italics

Page 124: “I guess its tradition…” – “its” should be “it’s

Page 125: “As for why am here…” – add “I” where indicated

Page 129: “Finally, Hahli darted beneath a huge out-cropping of rock” – “out-cropping” should be “outcropping

Page 130: “Gadunka roared its frustration [-] but it was now too small to be heard – add dash where indicated

Page 133: “They had to save the life of Mata Nui” – “had” should be in italics

Page 134: “In the next moment, he left no doubt that he had been destined to be a leader of Toa” – “left” is definitely the wrong word… it’s probably supposed to be “felt

Page 135: “What – ?” he said, startled – remove the space after the dash

Page 137: “…stars shone brightly once before” – “before” should be “more” (though the mistake is in the original text)

Page 137: “Something didn’t send us home,” said Hewkii – “Something” should be in italics

Page 140: “Only after a recent series of quests had the Toa Nuva been given information on how to find the island, and that by a mysterious figure whose face they never saw. […] A long journey over land and sea brought them there. – this contradicts the Toa Nuva Blog, where the Toa Nuva were teleported to Artakha, rather than having to get there themselves. Either this or the ending of the Toa Nuva Blog should be edited

Page 141: “...no wind or wave will ever again be your master. – the quotation mark at the end of this sentence should be removed, since Artakha continues talking after this

 

Hydraxon’s Tale

The comic refers to 90,000 years as the time of imprisonment of the Barraki, even though it’s 80,000. If possible, it should be edited into the comic. If not, it’s not too big of a deal in the end.

 

On a separate note, does anyone have access to the guide where The Many Deaths of Toa Tuyet was first published? There are many occasions where it feels like some words in that story should be in italics, but the BS01 doesn’t italicize anything, so it would be nice to check from the original source (same applies for The Birth of a Dark Hunter).

 

I guess book 8 is next, then.

Edited by Toatapio Nuva
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