ArchAngelleofJustice Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 (edited) If you have any thoughts on Wisps of Memory, you can say so here! I'm eager for concrit, so don't be afraid. Edited August 13, 2018 by ArchAngelleofJustice Quote Stories I wrote Parts of a Whole Series: An Alternate EndingPart 1: Fight for Freedom Wisps of MemoryPart 2: Army of One (In Progress)Short Stories: The Great Takara Tale of the Toa Stones Masks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gifthammer Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Seems pretty good so far. Enjoying some fiction based around our favorite MNOG characters post Mata Nui. The only complaint I had was that it was a little confusing to follow the jump between chapter 1 and 2. Pretty much until Ahkmou was mentioned, I wasn't sure if it was a jump forward in time or backward to set up the beginning events. Perhaps giving a few more context clues would be helpful at the very start. Something along the lines of the ruined state of Merry Nui, leftover visorak webs, or some clumsiness due to the difference in matoran sizes compared to the meeting room. I'm not to sure what, just something to confirm the timeframe. Quote Every hero is born from his enemy; every leader, his followers; and every father, his children. Metru Nui: the Fall My 3D printing designs on Thingiverse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArchAngelleofJustice Posted August 16, 2018 Author Share Posted August 16, 2018 Thanks so much, LanceMuch! I hope you continue to enjoy it. I see what you mean about the time jump between chapter 1 and 2. There are a few hints throughout the chapter, but maybe I haven't made them obvious. I'm trying to think of something that would set the scene well here, maybe even a quick mention of Makuta in the first couple of lines? As soon as I think of something, I'll go back and update it. Quote Stories I wrote Parts of a Whole Series: An Alternate EndingPart 1: Fight for Freedom Wisps of MemoryPart 2: Army of One (In Progress)Short Stories: The Great Takara Tale of the Toa Stones Masks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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