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Wisps of Memory Review Topic


ArchAngelleofJustice

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If you have any thoughts on Wisps of Memory, you can say so here! I'm eager for concrit, so don't be afraid.

Edited by ArchAngelleofJustice

Stories I wrote

 

Parts of a Whole Series: An Alternate Ending

Part 1: Fight for Freedom                        Wisps of Memory

Part 2: Army of One (In Progress)


Short Stories:
The Great Takara          
Tale of the Toa Stones          Masks

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Seems pretty good so far. Enjoying some fiction based around our favorite MNOG characters post Mata Nui.

 

The only complaint I had was that it was a little confusing to follow the jump between chapter 1 and 2. Pretty much until Ahkmou was mentioned, I wasn't sure if it was a jump forward in time or backward to set up the beginning events.

 

Perhaps giving a few more context clues would be helpful at the very start. Something along the lines of the ruined state of Merry Nui, leftover visorak webs, or some clumsiness due to the difference in matoran sizes compared to the meeting room. I'm not to sure what, just something to confirm the timeframe.

Every hero is born from his enemy; every leader, his followers; and every father, his children.

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Thanks so much, LanceMuch! I hope you continue to enjoy it.

 

I see what you mean about the time jump between chapter 1 and 2. There are a few hints throughout the chapter, but maybe I haven't made them obvious. I'm trying to think of something that would set the scene well here, maybe even a quick mention of Makuta in the first couple of lines? As soon as I think of something, I'll go back and update it.

Stories I wrote

 

Parts of a Whole Series: An Alternate Ending

Part 1: Fight for Freedom                        Wisps of Memory

Part 2: Army of One (In Progress)


Short Stories:
The Great Takara          
Tale of the Toa Stones          Masks

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