Highfly Vinesman, Deepwood Wayfinder - Review Topic

[xccj]

Story Topic

This is my entry for BZPower Fanfic Exchange 2018. I'm writing for Darth Jaller, who's prompt was to write about "the members of the Chronicler's Company, working together to do their bit to resist Makuta's control of the MU." I've decided to tell a side story involving some of the Company's quirkier members, Tamaru, Taipu, and Kapura. (I later realized that the prompt could be interpreted as happening in the post-Makuta takeover of the Matoran Universe... but I prefer MNOLG stories, so I set it there and decided not to change. Hope that's still acceptable, Darth Jaller!)

Because my story ended up being a little too long, I decided to split it up into a mini epic. I have the first three chapters written, and plan to extend it out into seven chapters overall, although I'm still working on the middle and ending. I hope to get the rest up in a timely manner, but gosh it has been hard trying to find the time to write!

A couple of notes about the story:

• Yes, Tamaru is written with female pronouns. There was a fan theory going around a few years ago that Tamaru was trans, so I wanted to write her that way, although that specific identity will not be a major focus of the story.
• I am aware that certain Rahi like the Burnak are not deemed native to Mata Nui. My story assumes they're an uncommon Rahi but a few did make it up to the island.
• The story takes place shortly after Takua's adventures in Le-Koro in the MNOLG, but before he embarks on his journey to put together the Chronicler's Company.

Critique and criticism is appreciated, so please leave a review. Hope you enjoy the story! Thanks!

Edited May 14, 2019 by xccj

[Lip McKalmah]

We're off to a good start!

The story's atmosphere fits its placement well, and the characters are true to their MNOG portrayals.

Making Tamaru a she is an odd decision, but it's not a big deal at all. Her actions make it believable. I like her treespeak, enigmatic but not incomprehensible.

Taipu is lovably mild, as always. His dedication to Onu-Koro is spot-on.

Kapura is fine too. I hope we can find out more about the mystery of his travel technique...

Good job! Keep it up!

[That Matoran with a Vahi]

Aaah, I love this so far! Tamaru often seems like such an underrated character, so I'm thrilled to see her taking the spotlight like this; and, while I'd never heard of that fan-theory before, I tend to find female-identifying characters more relatable than male ones, so casting her that way makes me really happy, too

 

While, technically, I did intend the '08 takeover... honestly, I like this a lot better! Your familiarity with the world of Mata Nui really shines through, and makes it an absolute joy to read; I can't wait to see where you're going with this. I love, too, the grasp you've got on each of the characters' specific mannerisms and voices; they feel incredibly accurate to the MNOG, it's perfect.

 

Thank you so much!

Edited February 6, 2019 by Darth Jaller

[xccj]

Lipuret McKaukau - Glad you like the story! I've been working hard to not only make Tamaru's treespeak easy to understand but also mildly true to the slang from the game, which means a lot of browsing through BioSector01's lexicon of treespeak terms, heh. Kapura's travel technique is definitely showing up, but I kind of like the idea that the exact specifics are left as a mystery. (And I don't really have any place I can put a deeper description of it in at the moment. I've always written it as a sort of limited teleportation, but perhaps its actually time manipulation; by moving slowly he slows down time around him, so due to relativity it appears he moves fast but he actually is moving slowly on his own, but everybody else just slows down even more...)

 

Darth Jaller - Sorry I misinterpreted your prompt; I definitely decided to move in the direction of stories I like writing more, which are set on Mata Nui rather than the darker stories later on. But the Chronicler's company was always one of my favorites, although ironically this story takes place before they've joined the company... As for the Tamaru theory, I remember it appearing a lot in the blogs for a while, and I recall Makaru making a Tamaru MOC based on it, but I don't know if it's ever been used in a fan story yet. (And honestly as a kid I somehow decided Tamaru was female because of the light blue body and Nokama mask, so the reasoning felt natural to me.) I hope the rest of the story continues to live up to your expectations!

 

Anyway, sorry for the two month wait for new chapters. First I got really sick in February, and then I had a Lego convention, and then work stuff... life just kept piling on and made it harder to get into the writing mood. But I do intend to finish this, and hopefully I can get the next chapters up faster now.

 

Thanks again for the reviews!

 

[That Matoran with a Vahi]

No need to apologise; I'm honestly enjoying this loads more than I would have done with one based on my original intention I completely agree that Mata Nui is the more fascinating location, by far ^^

 

I'm definitely continuing to enjoy it, too! I love the way you have each of the Matoran playing to their unique strengths, in the fight particularly; I sometimes forget that they all have such different abilities and experiences, so it's a real treat to see the way you put them to use to such good effect. It makes them very believable individuals... it feels like almost being there with them, really wanting to cheer them on!

 

And no worries about the time taken; I completely understand that real life comes first ^^

 

Thank-you, again!

Edited April 11, 2019 by Darth Jaller

[The Master of Energy]

I really like the art at the top of each chapter. It looks amazing. The story is also very well written.

[That Matoran with a Vahi]

And, it continues to be good I have to say, I particularly like the way you're treating Taipu as a valuable, contributing member of the party; I feel like, back in the day, he was never really taken seriously - or maybe I just didn't read the right works. But in any case, it's really nice to have the chance to see him confident and in his element. Continuing to look forward to where this is going! ^^

[xccj]

Thanks, I'm trying to give all three Matoran their chances to shine, although this latest chapter tends to focus more on Tamaru than the others. Taipu is fun too; he's always been a goofy character, but his naïve optimism is kinda unique in Bionicle, I think, and I've had fun with his character in other stories before, so that was definitely one of the reasons I included him here. Although he doesn't exactly have a character growth arch in this particular story...

 

I'm glad you like the art; some of it was from a previous game I worked on, so I just had to recolor some of the masks and recreate the MNOLG-esqu backgrounds. I had to make the Burnak from scratch, but I just traced the artwork from the VNOLG. The Kavinika was more difficult; while I like the Rahi's story bio, the combiner set is kinda laughable, so I hope the adjusted artwork makes it look a bit more intimidating than the set.

 

Anyway, Chapter 6 is up, and it's pretty much the climatic battle of the story, with the final chapter being more of an epilogue, which I hope to get posted in a few days so this story can get it's proper finish. Thanks again for reading and replying!

 

[That Matoran with a Vahi]

I love it, I really do. After the way you'd built up to it, seeing Tamaru overcoming her fear of heights was such a satisfying moment; and, as a whole, I really like how you pulled it all together to create the scene

[xccj]

And with that, the final chapter is posted, which is mostly just an epilogue that transitions into the adventure of the Chronicler's Company, who all at least get little cameos at the end. Thanks again to everybody who read and reviewed the story; it's been fun to write! (Although sorry for the multi-month delay between some of the chapters... I thought a manageable short-ish epic would be feasible, but it still took me half a year to complete.)