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ALVIS

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@ Emperor: I'm aware of "tobduk" being of the Matoran language. I don't like that, though. It sounds Skakdi more than anything else! :P As for Droth and Grodak, I'd like to point out that only Indusko, Brond, and Droth have had powerful minions like that, and I intend for no more to follow, so we don't have to worry about that trope being overused or "obligatory." XD@ Grant: Thanks very much for your review! :) I'm really happy to see a new reader and I hope you enjoy Season 2 as much as the first one. I'll be the first to admit Tobduk was a bit of a shaky character at first, but I know where I'm going with him now.@ Main Man: This is going to be Tobduk's most grueling mission yet, painful both physically and emotionally. It might be a bit of a shock to return to more lighthearted material in Season 3's Things Best Unknown. Although that's hardly lighthearted, but it's definitely not as personal for Tobduk.@ Gladiator: I'm not a major LotR fan, so I didn't pick up on that, but I did imagine Durgolund as a similarly desolate and dangerous place to Mordor. As for back-up, Tobduk may not have brought it but I promise you he'll have a little.

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I really pike how Droth is descrabbed; or, to put it better, how he isn't. It gives him a sense of power and mystery. The strange biotech-y stuff with the acid is cool, and I can't wait till Droth is fought. How does Grodak survive walkin through toxic sludge however? All in all, though it is only the first chapter, I alreedy love this episode. The way the acid vats are descrabbed reminds me a the Flesh quite a bait. Was that inspiration, or coincidence? It's also very nice to see how much Tob(Can I call him Tob?) has developed from practicully a mindless killin machine in the first episode to actually worryin aboat Nes in this one. Character development is truly a wonderful thing.

"Only the insane equate pain with success.

Only the savage regard endurance of pain as a measure of worth.

Only the foolish consider pain to be just wages for being different".- The Cheshire Cat (American McGee's Alice/Alice:Madness Returns)

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Review time! :yes:OK, here's the lowdown: I like the Rahi's-perspective opener. You'd had inhabitant POV openings before and it was nice to see one that was a little more different, seeing from a non-sentient's POV. Of course, there probably aren't a whole lot of sentient inhabitants to Durgolund in the first place...The next part had been rather run-of-the-mill dialogue filling in the latest developments, not that I would change that. It's needed to put things in order, I'm just saying that there is little to remark upon there.Then, Tobduk's introspection. I recall something from an earlier installment where you mentioned that Tobduk raged and battled to keep from ever dwelling on the fate of his homeland, or something along those lines. When you returned to that point, but now he was intentionally focusing on these memories to remove his hatred and replace it with grief, that caught me off guard. You kinda let it creep up on us and that was really great.One thing I would have liked, though, would have been a bit more physical description of Durgolund's hostility. My imagination was running wild and it wanted some descriptors to fill in the gaps with. For all I know, you could plan to flesh it out more when Tobduk arrives, but that would be one thing I want to hear about. The place sounds nightmarish, and I want to more than you've said so far! :(So far, so good. I'll let you do your thing until I've seen some more chapters.

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Excellent work of yours on building the atmosphere, Durgolund is probably your most detailed and scenic location yet. I liked the bit with the shark-wolves, though I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't include a bearsharktopus. I take it that Grodak feeds on fear the way Tobduk feeds on anger? Does his own fear strengthen him as well? Somehow, I don't think Bugface is one of Tobduk's species. I'm guessing that there's some other connection.Also, if Tobduk can read the narration now, his genre-savviness should increase tenfold. :P

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Very interesting, Tobduk is at a major disadvantage in this fight due to the explosive fog and his wound. It will be very interesting to see others who have powers like Tobduk's, I'm guessing that they each feed on an emotion to increase physical strength, speed so on and give limited elemental powers, Tobduk's are fire and I think that Grodak will have ice. Also I think The Emperor Penguin is right, that they aren't one species but were experimented on and share the same basic kind of powers and regard themselves almost as one species. I must admit I was a little disappointed when I found out that Grodak fed on fear, I've always thought that if there were others like Tobduk that they would also feed on anger.

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@ Maganar: As we see in Chapter 2, it turns out there are a few sapient inhabitants of Durgolund. But you're right, not many. It's not a place for intelligent, sophisticated creatures. As for Tobduk's memories, well, I have to admit that my own perception of him has changed over time; he's become more adaptable in recent episodes, and seems to be widening his emotional spectrum and knowledge of how to use it to his advantage. Makes you wonder how he ended up being the cold, hard killer he is in the serials. I suppose I'll have to steer him in that direction...@ Emperor: Grodak is a foil to Tobduk in many ways; his power is one of them. What makes you think Bugface isn't of Tobduk's race? (Not that he necessarily is, I'm just curious.) And yes, Tobduk is certainly becoming more genre savvy. @ MoC1: Very good - give the man a gold star, as GregF used to say! Yes, Grodak will indeed be able to transmute fear into ice. It is only natural. However, answer me this: what emotion would Bugface feed on? As for an entire race of anger-harnessing beings, I think that would be a little boring; I prefer variety in a species.

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I think that Bugface feeds on... hm, insanity isn't an emotion but it seems like it might be that, confusion also seems pretty likely, I'm guessing its one of those but I'll need more info for a final decision. I think Bugface's element is gravity or kinetics (do you do kinetics?) because both of those elements are commonly associated with purple as one of their colors.

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Something similar, but not quite the same, is Bugface's emotional power source. At least, I think so. Can never be sure of these things until I set them down in text, and even then it can be edited.As for the powers he harnesses through emotion -- they'd have to fit with his emotion, wouldn't they? The way anger feels like fire, fear like ice; whatever Bugface uses, his power will be a manifestation of that feeling.This is going to be fun...

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Yes! That's the description of Durgolund I was waiting for! This entire island seems to be a humbling experience for him. In previous serials, he's ended up in some really bad spots before, but that's usually late in the game as his berserker charges go awry in the face of enemies that plan ahead. This time, he's already abandoning his chosen method of attack and still finds himself heavily disadvantaged. A bit of a role reversal compared to earlier parts where he simply overpowers anything that rises up in front of him. I like this dark mood.Now, about Bugface. I am intrigued, but await further info. His appearance seems rather convenient (considering the ultra-low population of Durgolund combined with Tobduk's desperate need of aid at the current time) and highly unexpected. I suppose we'll find out, but I am currently wondering whether "the Empowered" is the name of Tobduk's race, a title, or what exactly. It a rather impressive-sounding name, though! http://www.bzpower.com/board/public/style_emoticons/default/tounge2.gif

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Indeed, this episode is basically the darkest one so far, and possibly darker than any future episodes because of how personal it gets. Bugface might be just a little convenient, but we'll see whether he has an excuse for saving our main character's life before we condemn him. "The Empowered" doesn't sound like a species name to me, but I haven't imagined a species name for them yet, so they're known only by that title for now. It does sound impressive, but an impressive title befits an impressive people; look at the incredible feats Tobduk has pulled off through the power of rage, and then imagine the immense power of an Empowered of, say, love.

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A particularly impressive chapter; I especially like how you made Tobduk seem more vulnerable without straining believability. Another highlight was the passage on Droth's mental state; he promises to be a particularly entertaining antagonist."But as long as I'm here; I get to bust heads!"

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Oh... Bugface is indecision, no wonder I couldn't make up my mind. Nice to see more empowered but now I'm going crazy with anticipation to see what emotions and elements they have. Very good chapter it helps weave the tangled threads of the story together and still leaves plenty of room for future revelation.

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I'm still going to refer to Bannest as Bugface. For the lulz.The new chapter doesn't have much to comment on in terms of writing, but it's nice to finally see some exposition on Tobduk's race. The Empowered still feels more like a name for an organization or secret society than a species, but whatever. I assume that Bugface's powers going off at random is due to the Visorak venom? Looking forward to seeing the other Empowered characters getting more developed.

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Good dialogue can often be just as (if not more) entertaining than action scenes. This, while not extraordinary, was more than effective enough to carry the chapter. The only complaint I have is that it seems to end rather abruptly--other than that, it's another solid installment."But as long as I'm here, I get to bust heads!"

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You're absolutely right, Main Man -- that was a terrible place to end the chapter, which is exactly why I just added in a more substantial and satisfying few paragraphs. Go read and review that, now! :P@ MoC1: Well, I haven't confirmed their powers or emotions in so many words, but there are plenty of hints as to what Vokkan, Kikita, and Spair control.@ Emperor: I intended Barrest's occasional phasing as a visible (or not so visible) sign of Tobduk's own indecision. Barrest is toying with him in a way, displaying how confused his fellow Empowered is. Yes, I suppose the Empowered sounds like an organization/society, but that's essentially what they are at this point, with an estimated less than 20 remaining in the universe. In any case, I decided I wouldn't be able to find a name that fit; "the Empowered" was their working title of sorts, but it stuck more than any other name I thought of.

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Okay. It's official. Grodak is voiced by William Campbell.* (Or he would be if Campbell hadn't died a year ago. :() Makuta Skultrice? Who's this? The main villain of a future episode, perhaps? So the other three Empowered control earth, wind, and water. I should have predicted that, lol. I'm guessing Vokkan has determination, Spair has despair (doubted this at first, but looking at the name it's incredibly obvious) and Kikita has... excitement? Maybe?*Played the villain of the classic Star Trek episode The Squire of Gothos. If you haven't seen it, go do so, because Grodak acts exactly like him. :D

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Interesting. I had predicted Vokkan would have determination back when he first showed up, but I decided to say nothing at the time on the account that I had little to go by and was probably wrong. Either way, yeah, I agree with Lhikevikk on his assumptions.This chapter was very well-written. The action shifted from location to location without breaking up the flow of the plot. The tension is high and it doesn't leave up! You always find a way to keep pulling the rug out from under our feet when we least expect it. For example, assualt on Droth's tower in full effect and then he suddenly concocts a solution to all the world's problems? We thought Droth was stuck in a corner and now we're worried all over again! Considering his twisted mind, I'm not sure I want to know what he considers to be a solution to the world's problems...And the characters are great. Grodak is sadistic, Tobduk refuses to be fazed by anything, Droth is insane, and the Empowered...are powerful. http://www.bzpower.com/board/public/style_emoticons/default/cool.png Yeah, I just made that pun. Don't deny it, I know you facepalmed on the other side of that monitor. Also, at times, Bugface (fine, fine Barrest) reminds me of Vezon when he talks. "The thing [doorbell] tried to swallow me whole." Priceless. :lol:

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@ Lhik: I've not seen more than one or two Star Trek episodes, so you can't accuse me of plagiarism here! :P As for Skultice, we'll meet her in Series Three (I'll give you only one guess as to which episode she's from). Correct guesses on Empowered's emotions and elements, although Kikita is more specifically happiness over excitement.@ MoC1: The reason Grodak's able to continue a duel with Tobduk as equal partners is that their emotions and elements stand as opposites. They're a pair of contrasts, as with every Empowered in this story. Vokkan and Barrest are polar opposites, and Spair and Kikita also stand at different ends of the spectrum.@ Maganar: Always trust your first guesses, hah! :) Thanks for your compliments, although I'll have you know I didn't facepalm. Droth is indeed a different breed of Makuta; unlike some of Tobduk's other opponents, he has a backup plan. Barrest is indeed strongly reminiscent of Vezon, but that's only because I imagine the personality of the Empowered of Indecision as similar to the Toa of Anarchy.

"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant."
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Finally active again, and time for some reviewing...You've got some really good ideas going here. I like the whole concept of Durgolund being poisonous, acidic, and crawling with venomous creatures. The idea of having the remaining members of Tobduk's species being able to manipulate an element through a specific emotion is interesting. I never thought of that, and that Tobduk wouldn't be the only one. I also like how Droth acts as if the devastating assaults on his tower are more like mere annoyances (unless, of course, they are compared to the importance of that concoction he had, or he's highly arrogant). And just how insane Grodak sounds.So, yeah. Great work with this episode. :)

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The highlight of this chapter was definitely the duel--a cleverly constructed scene, but not at the expense of action, and the whole thing flows very nicely. Between Tobduk's perdicament, Droth's ominous "solution", and the mysterious new arrivals, there is plenty of excellent buildup for the next installment.Also, HOLY SHOOT DOOM VIPER STAFF!!!!!"But as long as I'm here, I get to bust heads!"

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@ Main Man: Lol, I was waiting for someone to notice Droth had the staff. Well, I guess we all know where it's ending up... @ Magnus: To be perfectly frank, I hadn't thought of Tobduk's species harnessing elements through emotions until very recently -- when the notion was suggested by one of you fans. Previously I had envisioned them as a race of Toa-like beings who used Rahkshi powers rather than elements, but in greater detail than Rahkshi. I decided the emotion idea was much superior and more interesting to write about.EDIT: A massive project due in ten days was just assigned to me... So I'm afraid there likely won't be a new chapter for a week and a bit. Sorry about that, but my grade in this class is delicate and I'd better get this project done right. XDEDIT ONCE MORE: I'm now done with my project (I got perfect marks and am very much pleased), so I've posted Chapter 5 at last. Read and review! :)

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  • 4 weeks later...

Yay! Dergus Kylodus is back! I was wondering when we'd see him again. I love how Tobduk manipulates Grodak into getting himself killed. Very Seventh Doctor-ish.Really excited by the final reveal of Droth's plan. Is there a reason he wants to mutate everything, though? Besides being, you know, completely insane?

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I like Grodak's death, it's not too sudden and you have plenty of time to feel the tables turn. Droth is pretty good, it's no easy feat to take out a Toa, a Toa Hordika and three Empowered. I hope we get too see Droth use his mask, I've always loved that one and it fits him well.

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Lots of good things in this chapter. I, too, like the way Grodak died by the spewing acid geysers, when they threatened the survival of Tobduk, like, two or three times. And, yay! Kylodus is back! :happydance: I was hoping he'd return soon. This episode is coming along very well, with a grand ending to chapter five. It's good to know what the purpose of the sludge is for now, and what it will do.I think the thing that I like most about this episode is how well you capture Droth's sheer insanity.

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Wow. I'd been thinking that Durgolund was the darkest and most depressing place introduced in Makuta Hunt to date, but I felt it lacked a little bit of...life. You know, some action. Even the Chapter 4 battling had just been Grodak and Tobduk chasing each other like the homicidal maniacs they are while an assualt brewed on the wind. Chapter 5 and -bam!- Durgolund has just become not just the darkest and most depressing but also the most insanely action-packed island in the MU. (You know I'm kidding about the prior lack of action, right?)Grodak's defeat was fantastic. The underlying concept of emotional balance and control deciding the battle between the most equally-matched Empowered was a profound way to conclude the battle. "Do you control your emotions...or do they control you?" I suppose that is truly the question for anyone who means to make the right choices in life.Kylodus...returns! I'd felt that he would have to return at some point in some way, shape, or form considering we know he has some earlier connection with Nestra. It's a curiosity everyone wants to know more about. Of course, with all the action that's already going on we may hear absolutely nothing further on the topic while he instead just comes along for the wild ride...but still - I think we were all waiting for a reappearance from him.Predominately sorrow...Are you indicating Spair might yet do something? I am under the impression we are about to end up discovering just why Tobduk is often refered to in canon as being the last of his kind. I have little hope on the survival of the other Empowered, but I shall see in Chapter 6. As for the Doom Viper Staff - yes, you're definitely drawing some connecting lines from Makuta Hunt to the main canon in this installment.Droth's plot revealed: *queue melodramatic sequence* All shall cower in horror now...except the survivor. He is the last hope. The only hope. *end sequence* Ahem. In all seriousness, though, that was a powerful way to end the chapter. I was imagining drums dramatically beating up to finish as Tobduk gate-crashed Droth's little party (given Droth's mind, this probably fits his concept of a party, too) and then hitting a dramatic percussive finish at Tobduk's last words, the rage he controls burning in his eyes as he rasps his name, which in itself represents a challenge to Droth. Oops. I just inadvertently entered a second melodramatic sequence without the *asteriskthingies*.I better stop talking before I make a greater fool of myself or pass some 5,000,000 word maximum posting limit I didn't know about, whichever one would have some first.

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Oh my goodness. all this sci-fi! I love it! I'm probably addicted. It's a very good concept for a series, and your writing style is unique. I love all of the "it lives on..." parts, what with the memories of the makuta, or their antidermis itself. So much more to say, so little time to say it!

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@ Martin: Droth doesn't really touch on this, but I was reading an S&T topic the other day (actually, the other month) that brought up a related point: whether or not Makuta could control hordika through their Rahi Control powers. The dominant answer was yes, if the hordika was fully mutated, and this would explain the purpose of hordika venom. Of course, whether or not that's why Droth wants to mutate everything is entirely unknown.@ MoC1: The thing is that it's a very powerful mask....@ Main Man: Thanks! :)@ Maganar: Who can tell with Kylodus? The way I see it, he's got more secrets than he could tell in his life. Still, we might uncover a few of them this time around, since we know he only appears occasionally.@ mayboy189: Thank you! Would you perchance be interested in receiving PM notifications when I post a new chapter? I offer this service to fans if they can try and commit to reviewing each chapter as it comes out. :)

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Great finale, even if I don't quite get why Droth's death would cause all of the mutagen to simply vanish. Great work subverting the deaths of the other Empowered -- after Barrest (can't really call him Bugface anymore...) got mutated, I was expecting the other Empowered to start getting killed off one by one, but they didn't, so yay! Looking forward to seeing Mazeka play a role in future stories, since I feel he didn't do enough in the main canon.

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Ah, shoot, that's what I forgot to mention -- Kylodus wagered that destroying Indusko's mask, and the residual consciousness within, would at least neutralize the slime. He was right, as Toa often are. But arrgh. >_< Feeling a bit silly for leaving that out; it wouldn't have been difficult to include.As for the Empowered, I'd like to counter Maganar: Tobduk's never explicitly been stated to be the last of his kind. The way I see it, he's one of the last.And yes, Mazeka will return. I know for a fact he'll be in The End of the Brotherhood, where we'll see what else he and Tobduk did together, but I'm not leaving out the possibility of his appearance in Series 3 episodes.Speaking of Series 3, I might send out a sneak preview of it at some point.And as one last trivial note, everyone who reviewed Chapter 5 had a username starting with M! :o

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I think we can conclude something here: don't mess with the Empowered! :PSeriously, I thought that they'd all fall at Droth's claws. But, in a heroic and suspenseful way, put an end to the madman. A few times I thought that Indusko might make an appearance in their battle, since he was an awesome (and insane) character. I can just imagine them all fighting against two utterly mad Makuta, though Indusko would probably start arguing with himself. :PAlso, I liked seeing the use of the Mask of Mutation to reverse (or iniciate and undo, in Barrest's case) the alterations of Nestra and Barrest.

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Nice ending to an excellent episode, not quite at the level of some other recent episodes', but still effective and memorable. The explanation of why Tobduk kept the Doom Viper Staff is especially believable (though I'm rather perplexed as to why Droth tossed it aside in the first place, since it's so powerful). Overall, a very effective end for season two."But as long as I'm here, I get to bust heads!"

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  • 2 weeks later...

"In the next few minutes, Kikita knew more power than ever before." Reading that line, I was just imagining a yellow-armored being bouncing up and down clapping her hands together like a giddy lunatic. Also, I'm not exactly sure why, but that epilogue had me laughing like a maniac. Go figure as to my reasons for that.Anyway, solid conclusion to this installment. I think Dark Moonlight may still hold the title of my favorite, but Chapter 5 of Poisoned Island is my favorite individual chapter you've turned out. Nice season finale, it's good to know that all the inhabitants of the MU weren't simultaneously mutated beyond recognition by a psychotic Makuta. :P

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I'm sorry I haven't been able to review recently.The Poisoned Island is one of my favorite episodes. You did an excellent job describing Durgolund, so readers could easily visualize it and better understand the plot and even Droth's personality. The Empowered were all awesome characters, and I liked how they shared a strong bond as a species. That scene towards the end with Mazeka especially showed this. It's interesting on how Indusko and Droth are similar in some ways, even how their Kanohi are used to undo some of the harm they caused.The only complaint I can think of is that I would have liked more explanation on the relationship between this season's Makuta. In particular, it would have been good to learn why Indusko was spreading Droth's poison, and how Luporax became Hordika.Overall, this was an excellent chapter, and I am sorry to not have been able to review it until now.

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  • 1 month later...

Okay guys, I'm really busy this summer, so I would seriously not expect any more Makuta Hunt until I time opens in my schedule. Who knows when that might happen? Sit tight, and I promise I'll make Season Three as epic as possible.In the meantime... There's always the possibility I might contribute a short story, something that takes less effort than Makuta Hunt. I have a particularly good idea developing right now. I'll tease you guys the title - Exodus - add that it takes place during "current" BIONICLE story, and finally mention that we'll be seeing a few characters we know and love as the protagonists. Now I'll leave it at that.

 

One year later...

 

However, it appears I'm not likely to write Exodus or Season Three of Makuta Hunt. What with the end of BIONICLE and the emergence of my social life (hrrm, I wonder if those were connected? hahaha), I'm sorry to say that my interest in BZPower fanfics has waned. I've found a new and exciting outlet for my creative abilities (serving as a Dungeon Master in my D&D group), and will not be returning to the Library.

 

...At least, not until I give Makuta Hunt some much-needed closure! Check out my signature for the massive Series Finale, The End of the Brotherhood, which takes place during the Destiny War. Tobduk only pops up for about three chapters of the 2008 serials, but in this episode, we'll explore what he was doing before and after his mission to Destral. And once this story is told, I will be bidding goodbye to the BZPower Library until further notice. Here's to a rocking conclusion to Tobduk's tale!

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  • 1 year later...

It's great that you brought this back!

 

I like the inclusion of Umbra as well, and look forward to seeing how he reacts to Tobduk's... homocidal rage.

 

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