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BIONICLE Pitch Meeting


DoctorW
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I'm not sure how many of you know Ryan George's Pitch Meeting series, but this seems like something that would be fun for BIONICLE. In Pitch Meeting, it is done through the perspective of a writer and a producer discussing a movie and nitpicking it to death. But it is super funny when they do it. To start this new series, here is a pitch for Mask of Light. Eventually, I intend to cover all the movies. I've only seen Journey to One once, but I may try that too some time. 

 

Enjoy!

 

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-Hey, I’m here to pitch a LEGO movie to you executives here.

-Oh, you mean something postmodern showing how the characters interact with their bricks and it’s funny and creative? And we have the “Everything is Awesome” song? 

-Not yet, we’re going to work our way up to that. For the first LEGO movie, we are going to work in-house and take a theme with a story to it. These BIONICLE sets sell like hotcakes. Let’s do them.

-BIONICLE? 

-Yeah, the action figure line where you build it in unique ways, but there are characters and story, and the parts look weird. 

-Doesn’t sound much like LEGO, but you have my interest. 

-We start off explaining the creation myth of these characters.

-Good. Exposition is nice.

-It is kind of vague and has some intricacies that we won’t follow up on for many years, but for right now this is all you need to know. Mata Nui is the Great Spirit, Makuta puts him to sleep, spreads shadows, and the bad guy rules the world. So the main goal of the story is to wake Mata Nui. 

-Oh, a dark intro. Love it. 

-Yeah, and the main race of characters are called “Matoran”. We focus on two named Takua and Jaller.

-Any introductions?

-Nope, they were from an online game that came out some years ago. We’re banking on the kids knowing them from that. 

-Wow. Cross-media tie-ins are tight. 

-Yeah, and Takua--that’s the main one--finds this Mask of Light which seems to call to him. 

-Neat. 

-And they are training for this sports game, which they lose, but at the game the mask slips out and shines all crazy-like. 

-Oh my. That sounds promising.

-Yeah, so they say the Mask heralds the coming of a new Toa. Those are the big heroic ones.

-Would any non-fans care about that?

-Nope. All that’s important is the kids know which one’s which so the parents can get them the toys for Christmas. 

-Right, right. 

-So Jaller and Takua are both named heralds sent by this glowing mask which will guide them to the hero who is set to wear it. Just two little people traveling across their whole world to use this magic growing object with several heroes helping them along the way. 

-Sounds an awful lot like a movie trilogy that ended this year…what was it?…Lord of the Rings? Don’t wanna get sued.

-Don’t worry, the kids are probably too young for that anyway. And also Lord of the Rings doesn’t have Makuta.

-Hakuna Ma-what now? 

-He’s the bad guy. He gets his own set this year that looks absolutely nothing like his portrayal in the movie.

-Won’t that confuse the kids?

-Nah, they can suspend disbelief because he’s a shapeshifter. But anyway, Makuta pulls these slug-things out of his leg.

-Ew.

-And he puts them into these suits of armor to make Rakhshi, whose main mission is to seek out the Mask of Light.

-So like the Nazgul?

-Basically but we won’t call them that, remember? Anyway, they go to Takua’s village and sink it into the lava. Two Toa named Tahu (the red one) and Gali (the blue one) step in but can’t do anything. And Tahu gets his mask poisoned in the process. 

-Oh shoot. This is getting dark. You think kids can handle it? 

-It’s fine, because they see Lewa the green one next. And he talks funny. Kids will love that.

-I bet they will.

-Then they take a detour through the icy part where Kopaka (the white one) freezes the first few Rakhshi.

-Seems like they went a bit off course. Did the mask lose connection with its satellite?

-All part of the plan. Next, Makuta makes three new Rakhshi with weird powers. The first three just break stuff, but the other three do things like inflict paralysis, sap strength, and cause you to go angry.

-Nice.

-Yeah, and they meet Pohatu the brown one and Onua the black one in the underground village. 

-Big family reunion. 

-Takua and Jaller split up after they have a bit of a spat over who carries the mask. Takua gets lost and leads the Rakhshi straight to him. 

-Oh no. Does the whole city fall again?

-Yes. And Tahu gets his poison accelerated by the Rahkshi inflicting a bout of madness on him. Takua escapes but the Toa have to tend to their infected comrade. 

-Wow, seems like it would be kind of hard to snap him out of that. 

-Actually, it’s super easy. Barely an inconvenience. 

-Oh, really?

-Yeah. All they do is shock him a little, douse him with water, and he's fine. 

-I see. But do Jaller and Takua get back together?

-Yeah. They make up and go to the center of the island Kini-Nui.

-Couldn’t they have just gone directly there instead of crossing the whole island?

-Yeah, but then they wouldn’t have met the other Toa. And we need to showcase them so the kids can spot their favorites.

-Right. 

-Anyway, they have a showdown at their main shrine, the six Toa beat the Rakhshi, and Jaller dies.

-Wow! Dies, dies? 

-Yeah, and get this, Takua was the Seventh Toa all along. He puts on the mask, grows a few feet, and becomes Takanuva.

-You going to explain how this worked? Seems kind of like a cop out.

-We’ll write something about it in a web serial later.

-And why the name change?

-So the twist isn’t spoiled when the toys come out. 

-Okay.

-Then, Takanuva builds a car out of spare Rakhshi parts and immediately crashes it in Makuta’s lair. Makuta sees him and challenges him to the same sports game he played at the beginning.

-Sounds anticlimactic. The fate of the world decided by a ballgame? 

-Maybe, but Takanuva tries the stunt he pulled at the earlier game and sends Makuta flying. The whole cast comes in to watch as Makuta comes back. 

-Oh shoot.

-Yeah, and he tries to con Takanuva by explaining his duty to the Mask of Shadows. Takanuva takes this as a challenge and they fall into a pool of silver. 

-So they both drown?

-No, in fact they fuse to form a giant who opens the gate out of the lair and even brings back Jaller. 

-Do you ever explain this?

-Kind of. The pool had some sort of energy that could transform things. It was in a BIONICLE comic. 

-Okay then.

-Yeah, and the giant gets crushed under the door but the Mask of Light rolls along the floor. They all open a new door and get this…they bring Takanuva back from the dead with just his mask!

-Do you ever explain THIS? 

-No, never. You just gotta roll with it. 

-Do they ever awaken Mata Nui?

-Nah, we’re going to keep this going for a while because the sets keep selling. They do discover a whole new underground island though. 

-Wow. Set up for the sequel.

-Prequel more like, but yeah.

-Sounds good. Are there any human characters involved?

-No. In fact, humans do not make sense in this world at all. We pitched this to your studio because we adamantly refuse to have any humans in our story.

-Alright. If you insist. But I don’t think this will sell in theaters. Not with no human characters after all. We’re going straight-to-video.

-Fair enough.

-Yeah. But again, I don't know how this will go. The toys are selling, but some people just may have preferred a traditional LEGO movie instead. 

 

Headline pops up: “Mask of Light a Bestseller; Sequel On the Way”

Edited by DoctorW
Clear formatting; add an extra joke.
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BIONICLE 2: Legends of Metru Nui Pitch Meeting

-Hey, I'm back with another BIONICLE pitch.

-Good, that last movie sold so well, I would love to continue that story. 

-Actually, we're not continuing it just yet. This one's a prequel.

-Huh? 

-Yeah, we kind of have ideas for what they found at the end of the last movie. Turns out most of the backstory from the first movie was a lie. 

-What? 

-Yeah, the Matoran weren't delivered to the island by the Great Spirit. They already lived in an underground city called Metru Nui, which looks almost identical to Mata Nui but is underground and everything is all cyberpunk down there. 

-Your narrative structure is a bit confusing, but hey, cyberpunk is tight! 

-Yes, and remember the Turaga? They were the crusty village elders from the last movie.

-Yeah, the red guy was the narrator.

-Well, they used to be Toa. 

-How does that work?

-You don't see it in the movie, but in the comic the reveal of the Turaga's backstory was a huge twist and kind of revelatory about the race and the whole balance of the universe. And Vakama, that's the red guy, is narrating this story in flashback. But anyway, 1000 years ago, there were other Toa, but they started to die off when a shadow came around the island. 

-Is this the Makuta?

-You're getting a bit ahead of yourself. Anyway, this red-and-yellow Toa puts some of his energy into these six stones to make new Toa.

-Hey, he kind of looks like Jaller from the last movie.

-We'll get to that.

-Okay.

-But anyway, he hands them off to six Matoran who are already familiar characters. 

-I thought they were Toa.

-Later. Anyway, he at last makes it to Matoran Vakama, he's the red guy. Lhikan tells Vakama about how Matoran are vanishing and there is someone they need to watch out for. But then he's ambushed by two Dark Hunters. This gorilla-thing and this crab-thing.

-Wow, that sounds cool.

-And get this, the crab-thing is a Toa gone bad. 

-Wow, what a cool idea for a character. Is this in the movie?

-Only a little. Like a few lines in passing. But there is a cool short story for this character we have in mind. 

-I'll be sure to read it.

-Any way, the Dark Hunters gang up on Vakama and capture Lhikan. Vakama escapes but he is distraught. He blames himself for the whole thing.

-Sounds like Survivor's Guilt.

-Maybe, but the important thing is he has these weird hallucinations, things which give him vague messages of the future and really blur the screen.

-Wow, PTSD and schizophrenia. This guy's a nut. 

-Yes, he is. Then, Turaga Dume, the Turaga of Metru Nui, visits Vakama uninvited. He looks over the masks he's been forging and demands to have the Mask of Time.

-Wow, a Mask that can control time. Seems super powerful. Better not let that fall into the wrong hands. 

-I was thinking the same thing. But don't worry, Vakama doesn't have it yet. So Dume leaves and all the Matoran with Toa Stones gather at the Great Temple. They put tehir stones in the dome at the middle and Lhikan's mask appears to give a pre-recorded message.

-How is he transferring this message? Did he set up some kind of telepathic link?

-I don't know. But they turn into Toa right then and there. Vakama trips out again, and he sees these Great Discs flying towards him. This is interpreted as a sign to hunt down these Discs because it is important to their mission and saving the "Heart of Metru Nui", or whatever.

-Wow, finding these Great Discs must be a difficult task.

-Actually, it's going to be super easy. Barely an inconvenience. 

-Really?

-Well, it takes two whole books to find the Matoran who know where they are and to use the discs to stop the giant plant tangling things up. But we aren't showing any of that. 

-Oh wow. That could be a whole movie in itself. 

-Yeah, but we only have 75 minutes. We'll just tell it through montage. 

-Fair enough. This may come out looking like half a story, but at least it will be the good half.

-I should hope so. Next, they present the discs to Turaga Dume, but he's skeptical, so he makes the floor turn all wavy and jumpy. The Toa don't stand a chance. 

-Can't they use their elemental powers? 

-They drained them against the plant thing.

-You never explain this?

-Look, this movie we are focusing on Mask Powers. Elements were the Toa Nuva's thing. 

-I guess. You would want to distinguish the characters so it's not just the same group twice.

-Exactly. Anyway, the sands pick up and a hole opens up in the Coliseum. Dume captures Onewa the jock, Nuju the nerd, and Whenua the...jock nerd as his prisoners. And the Dark Hunters are there too.

-Does anyone do anything about them? 

-Nope. Vakama tries to call them out but nobody believes him.

-Yikes. 

-Turaga Dume talks to Makuta, who is still the bad guy in this movie. Seems like he has sinister motives.

-Oh, can't wait to see this.

-Anyway, the escapees are Vakama, Nokama, and Matau.

-So it's the crazy one, the girl, and the comic relief.

-Yes, and you better believe both guys get to use all their flirtatious lines to hit on Nokama.

-Wait...I thought there was no romance in BIONICLE. The kids watching are firmly in their cootie phase, so they might hate those lines.

-Maybe, but they are kind of funny. So anyway, the fugitive Toa jump inside a chute of Protodermis and try to sail it to another part of Metru Nui. But the Dark Hunters are wise to them and reverse the system. 

-Oh wow. 

-But they make it out. They hide in Ko-Metru, where Matau learns to fly and Vakama learns how to fuse the Great Discs together. They make one of the most powerful discs ever and a Mask to go with it.

-Does he do this right away?

-Almost, but they jump on a transport vehicle and ride off with these weird storage capsules. Vakama trips out and sees a red-eyed Matoran in one of them. It's a sign of danger, but he can't trace it.

-Better make that clear by the end.

-Oh, we will. Anyway, they get off in the desert section and walk around, before they are ambushed by Dark Hunters. The fight startles a herd of Kikanalo...

-What are Kikanalo?

-Sort of a cross between a rhino and a kangaroo. 

-Awesome. 

-Anyway, Nokama says something about listening and not talking and this activates her mask power, which is the ability to translate new languages. 

-Oh nice. She can talk to animals.

-Yes, and they lead her right to the high security prison, but it's guarded by tons of robot drones called Vahki and the Dark Hunters come back again. Matau learns to shapeshift with his mask, but it's okay because the other Toa make their own escape.

-Really?

-Yeah, some strange old guy gives them lessons on what to do to find their mask powers.

-Is this Lhikan by any chance? Seems like a logical choice for him to be there.

-Can't be. It's a Turaga. 

-Makes sense. 

-But anyway, Nuju's mask is Telekinesis so he blows off the walls to the cave, and Whenua's is Night Vision so he guides them out. 

-And what is Onewa's power?

-Mind Control.

-Sounds so immoral and creepy--controlling someone's mind. Does he ever get to use it? 

-Once. In the climax.

-I see. 

-But they all reunite and everyone is happy except Vakama, who has not discovered his mask power. 

-Shoot.

-But the Turaga takes off his disguise and he reveals himself to be...Lhikan.

-Wait...you said it wasn't?

-Did I? I mean, I feel this reveal was kind of obvious considering the whole movie was about looking for him. Are you surprised? 

-Maybe a little. 

-Whatever. Next, Vakama finds Turaga Dume in a capsule. 

-Wait, Turaga Dume tried to turn on them.

-Nope, turns out that was Makuta in disguise.

-But then who was he talking to earlier?

-Himself. He does that sometimes.

-I do too. 

-Anyway, there is a quick escape from the Vahki, who ambush them. But they make it to the Coliseum just as the last Matoran are being rounded up into those pods. Makuta reveals himself with a killer one-liner: "The Shadow has Arrived." 

-Brilliant. 

-Yes, and he puts the Great Spirit Mata Nui to sleep, and this is where the conflict for the whole story starts. 

-Nice. 

-So the Toa with no elemental powers, no Great Discs, and almost nothing to show for their victories, are fighting down this evil specter who can turn himself into a pillar of smoke and absorb you with his tendrils.

-Yikes. Sounds like they are done for.

-Maybe. He absorbs the Dark Hunters and this one hawk-thing he kept as a pet, and he becomes the hulking robot we saw in the first movie...but with wings.

-Nice are you making this a set.

-Yup, but we are calling it "Ultimate Dume", so we can keep the twist a secret. 

-Worked so well last time. 

-Yeah. Next, Vakama gets a hallucination upon hearing the word "Time". It is a culmination of all of his other trip out sessions and includes Lhikan saying "Follow the Light".

-What is the context for that line? 

-No clue. But Vakama jumps up to Makuta with the completed Mask of Time in hand. This was the point of his hallucination other than that one line. He puts it on and slows down time so Makuta can't absorb him. 

-Can't he time travel back to prevent this from happening?

-Not how this works. No Time Travel in BIONICLE. 

-Shoot. 

-Anyway, Lhikan just so happens to be there at the time, and he jumps into the scene unexpectedly and allows his board to be absorbed instead, though it does lead to the Mask of Time being knocked off Vakama's face. Lhikan dies off to the side. 

-I presume from shock, that hand didn't even touch him. 

-I presume so, but anyway, he offers up his mask and tells Vakama to carry on without him and realize his own destiny. 

-Wait, didn't we do this in the last movie? Right down to the dying character wearing the gold mask? 

-Yeah, but this is different, since it happens to a Turaga.

-I suppose.

-And this is what pushes Vakama over the edge to discover his mask power: invisibility.

-Nice.

-He knocks the Mask of Time from Makuta's hands and into the sea, ensuring it is not used for nefarious purposes. 

-Smart. You better see how it gets back to Vakama in the future. 

-Sure thing. Then, Vakama uses his mask and just plays hide and seek from Makuta, while absorbing big rocks.

-First a ball game, now a game of keep-away? You ever going to have a big climactic fight?

-Maybe, if the animation budget improves. But at one point, Makuta gets a rock way too big for him and gets squished on the cliffside. 

-Yay, so the good guys win?

-For now. They join their elements and form a Toa Seal, encasing Makuta in some glass. It was explained in the story before and it just feels cathartic to see them come together.

-It does, but this seems like a hollow victory. I mean, Metru Nui was still destroyed, the Matoran all have their memories wiped, the Great Spirit is asleep, and since this is a flashback we know Makuta makes it out eventually. 

-Just let them have this moment, dang it! 

-Okay. 

-There is some stuff about picking up the Matoran and some journeys they go through on the way to the above ground island of Mata Nui, but again, limited runtime. So let's wrap it up. Maybe we'll put this in the next movie.

-Wait, so the next movie is before the end?

-Don't think too hard about it. Anyway, the Toa sacrifice their energy so the Matoran can be freed. They start a new life together and everything is hunky dory. 

-Except not really. They all have amnesia and they are in constant danger.

-But look, Lhikan's mask gets transferred to Jaller from the first movie. See? It did come back around. 

-Well, that's sweet. 

-Yeah. There is the promise for new adventures and new ideas to be told. They even explain it is the island of Mata Nui named for the Great Spirit, so new stories can be told and new ideas passed down. 

-Yes, and I look forward seeing how the story progresses. I'm sure the next movie will actually move forward in time rather than just stagnate in the past.

Headline: "BIONICLE 3: Web of Shadows to be Set Before Return to Mata Nui"

Edited by DoctorW
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On 9/23/2022 at 10:54 PM, Alexander123 said:

These were pretty funny. Maybe after youve finished Bionicle maybe you could do the Hero Factory movies or that weird Galidor show they made?

I admittedly don't know much about Galidor. But maybe I could try it. 

Anyway...

BIONICLE 3: Web of Shadows Pitch Meeting

-Hello, I'm back for a pitch for a new movie.

-Nice. Is it a proper sequel?

-Uh...no. The higher-ups at LEGO want to go back to Metru Nui. That was just going to be one movie, but they didn't want this idea to go to waste. So we're doing another prequel, but it's also a midquel to the last prequel. 

-But the last movie ended with closure and a touching final scene to bring it all back home.

-Yeah, but I trust the audience enough to get this. The opening narration will even specify this was "before becoming Turaga". 

-Nice. So we begin with the narration again?

-No, this time we see Makuta frozen in his seal from the last movie, and a hand just rushes in and chips part of it off. 

-Wow, that's dark.

-Yeah. But THEN we get the narration. Vakama explains how Metru Nui kind of became a mess after the Toa left the first time. Giant spiders called Visorak came and started to inflict poison on the local fauna and it was an ecological and logistical disaster.

-Ah, so they're going back to clean up? Smart. 

-Kind of. Mostly it is about rescuing the Matoran. See, in the last movie they said they only had time for six and would return for the rest later. This is that return. And actually, on the first trip, they lost a pod.

-Where did you put that information in the story?

-One of the books.

-[in unison] One of the books. 

-So Vakama is laser-focused on saving the Matoran. Reminds us every chance he gets.

-That could get old fast. 

-Yeah. Which is why they are all struck by Visorak right at the beginning and paralyzed. 

-Wow. Even darker. 

-Yeah. Turns out the Visorak are commanded by this guy Sidorak who has a Summoning Blade and a weird spinny thing with mind control powers.

-Does he ever get to use any of that? 

-Not at all.

-Wowee! 

-And every time he talks, this white powder comes from his mouth.

-Oh my, is that powder what I think it is? 

-I don't know. 

-I should hope not. This is still a PG movie, remember? 

-Of course I do. Anyway, Sidorak has the hots for this evil woman named Roodaka, who has thick hips and heavily accentuated breast...plates. Yeah, breastplate armor. 

-You SURE we're still PG? 

-Yeah, it's just armor. 

-Okay.

-But the thing is, she actually has a thing for Makuta.

-Really?

-Yeah, she is the one who cut the stone, and she tucks it in her chest...

-[Raises eyebrow]

-In the most PG way possible.

-Don't push it.

-Since the only thing that can break a Toa Seal are the same elements that made it, she is hoping to mutate the Toa to turn them into the "Toa Hordika", and also send them plummeting to their deaths, so she can extract the elemental energy from their bodies. 

-Seems like a lot of trouble to inject their mutagen inside the Toa only to dispose of them later. 

-But it looks cool. And we need toys for this year.

-True.

-Also, the mask powers that played a critical role in the last movie are not in this one. The masks fuse to their faces so they don't work anymore. 

-What a shame. 

-Anyway, Vakama gets caught in a web and Nokama, the last to fall, watches the whole thing unfold before her.

-Wow, body horror is tight! 

-Yeah, but at the last minute, they are saved by these small flying things called Rahaga.

-Neato. More characters. Do we ever get to meet or develop them?

-Not really. Only Norik, the red one, is important to the plot. The green one makes a crash entrance and has about two lines, but at least one of these Rahaga has none. 

-What a waste. 

-Yeah, but Norik is cool. He says their main hope is this creature called Keetongu.

-The Key to Nongu?

-Ha, that's funny. I'm putting that in the script. But it's Keetongu. 

-But what is a Keetongu?

-He's some sort of animal but with a knowledge of poisons, he can cure the Hordika  of their mutation. If it is not reversed, they could lose their sanity and become savage animals. The catch is Keetongu is hidden away somewhere safe, and he is so secretive a few characters even doubt his existence.

-Oh, those are high stakes. Risk it all on some healing creature with a 50/50 chance your healer is even there. 

-Yeah, but Vakama is still bent on saving the Matoran. He even wants to go out of his way to find them and forget the mission for Keetongu. 

-I'm not sure. This sounds like a matter of life or death. Surely a quick detour to cure their most pressing predicament would not set them back too much.

-That's what I thought. But get this...Vakama quits the team over it.

-Wow!

-Yeah, he up and leaves.

-Who takes over then?

-I...I think Nokama. She has the next-most screentime and takes charge for a while.

-Wow, giving the leadership position to the girl of the squad in BIONICLE. How progressive.

-Thank you. So next, Vakama goes off on his own to free the Matoran, and he learns his spinner can go sparky-sparky-boom-boom.

-Kids love that. 

-Yeah, and after Norik tries and fails to give a pep talk, Vakama is ambushed by Visorak, tied up in thick bondage, and Roodaka comes over to tempt him...

-PG!

-To the Dark Side.

-That's better. 

-So Roodaka shows Vakama how to be a dictator. She barks at the Visorak and even sends them flying to their deaths. Since Sidorak is such a pushover, she wants Vakama to be the new Visorak leader. And with little hesitation, he leans right into it.

-Wait a minute. This all sounds like Revenge of the Sith, that new Star Wars movie that came out just this year.

-Yeah, but who watches Star Wars anymore? 

-Point taken. But I think you're forgetting, not five minutes ago, Vakama was bent on saving the Matoran and fulfilling his duty to the Great Spirit, as the man leading this mission and taking charge for the first time ever, he was the last character I expected to betray his friends. Plus, it must be difficult for him in the present to tell the story of his own betrayal to his friends like it was a quaint little memory. 

-To be fair, I wanted Matau, but the executives insisted Vakama was the better option. 

-Matau would have made more sense. 

-Yup. But anyway, six Rahaga transcribe text at the Great Temple to find the way to Keetongu. Vakama kidnaps five of them, but startles Norik, just making it one of those screamer videos with a jump scare.

-Yikes. Why didn't he capture Norik?

-He wants to use the others as bait.

-A bit overly complicated, but okay. 

-Anyway, the other five Toa come back to find the temple looted. Norik is injured but okay, and he tells everyone Vakama's lost it. 

-Did he ever have it? What with the hallucinations and all in the last movie.

-Nope, but now we know where Keetongu is.

-Wow, finding Keetongu must be hard if nobody's sure where he is or if he even exists.

-Actually, it's going to be super easy. Barely an inconvenience. 

-What do you mean?

-They just follow the waterfall out of the Great Temple and one quick Vakama narration later, they are in the icy part of Ko-Metru, and Boom! Keetongu.

-Wait, how is Vakama narrating for stuff he wasn't there for?

-Maybe they told him about it later? 

-I can buy that. 

-Anyway, they find Keetongu and he speaks in this weird robotic babble, but somehow Norik can translate. Keetongu hears their story and decides they would be better off keeping their Hordika powers just for the battle and curing them now would win the fight for them.

-Why not?

-Maybe it's just not convenient for them at this time.

-Maybe not. 

-But Keetongu is a nice guy, and decides to help in the battle anyway, and they all have the best brofist ever. 

-Aww.

-Yeah. Meanwhile, Vakama is taking quite well to his new role as general of the Visorak. So well in fact, he dismisses the Toa when they charge right at him.

-Wow! 

-Yeah, and the hordes of Visorak erupt from the Coliseum and an epic final battle ensues. 

-What? We're having an actual battle this time? No ball games or trickery, an actual, all-out battle? 

-Yeah. The animation budget went up, so we can afford to animate one this time.

-Awesome!

-The Toa are engaged in fights by swinging their tools and using the spinners on their back to fly all across the Coliseum.

-Is that why Keetongu kept them Hordika?

-Probably. But while that carnage is going on, Keetongu climbs up the tower right to Sidorak and Roodaka. Sidorak, pushover that he is, thinks he can take Keetongu out. And he zaps Keetongu with a laser out of his sword...

-I thought that was for calling Visorak.

-I did too, but he misses several times.

-Wimp.

-Yeah, Roodaka has to step in and using her special Shadow Claw weapon, she sends Keetongu plummeting. 

-Does he die?

-No.

-How high is that tower that Keetongu can survive a fall like that?

-Maybe it was his armor. 

-Maybe.

-But Roodaka is somehow skeptical of Keetongu surviving a several story fall, so she and Sidorak go down to the bottom floor. Sidorak insists Roodaka kill Keetongu, but Roodaka double crosses him and leaves him with the Shadow Claw. Sidorak, who was so cocky and confident before, is now reduced to a whimpering crybaby at the hands of Keetongu. 

-Gosh, this guy was so weak. Why did he even get to be king in the first place?

-I don't know. Then, Keetongu smashes him into the pavement of the Coliseum.

-That's it. I'm appealing for a PG-13! 

-No, wait. You never see it. We just heavily imply it. 😉

-Alright. Never mind, then. 

-But during this big battle, we get each Toa doing something cool. The Rahaga are freed and even they do cool stuff in battle, and Matau and Vakama have a really cool martial arts fight scene.

-Oh, nice. 

-Yeah, Vakama cheats by knocking Matau down with his spinner and leaving him clinging to a wall. 

-Oh dear. 

-So Matau, in desperation, gives Vakama a pep talk.

-Probably not the best time. 

-Probably not, considering Vakama is standing on his hand waiting to let go. He tries to tell Vakama they work better as a team, and their mission was always to save the Matoran.

-Oh yeah, that thing they were bulldogging everyone on from the start. Why not lead with that?

-Again, life or death. Probably thought they needed a cure first. 

-I see. 

-However, Matau's words are enough to convince Vakama to turn good again, so it's all good from here.

-Indeed.

-But Matau falls completely by accident at this point, and Vakama is able to catch up to him via a web used as a bungee cord.

-Wait, don't all things fall at the same rate? How is Vakama able to catch up to Matau and defy physics?

-So the movie can end with all of them in one piece.

-Okay. 

-But then, Roodaka comes in on a giant gold Visorak and tries to get the remaining Toa to give up their powers. Vakama hands over Matau, but he's still playing along, even though he's been redeemed. 

-Makes sense.

-And get this, since he is still technically in charge of the Visorak, he sets them all free.

-Wow, just like that! And there are no stragglers and none of them have second guesses or question Vakama?

-Yes. They're like that. Anyway, the other five Toa all shoot their spinners at Roodaka. Vakama shoots last, but in doing so, he breaks open the shard Roodaka had and sets Makuta free. 

-Yikes!

-We knew it would happen since it's a prequel. Besides, what other choice did he have? It's not like they could have an easier way to stop her.

-I guess not. So does Roodaka die?

-Looks like it, but no. Makuta picks her up and carries her away. Though somehow, Vakama is no longer scared of Makuta.

-I would be. He can suck you up with his hands whenever he feels like. And also, he wasn't even in this movie. What would prompt Vakama to say this line?  

-Not sure, but Vakama sounds like he means it. Next, he gets Keetongu to cure their poisoning.

-Finally. Do they save the Matoran?

-Yes, actually. It's super efficient because they have conveyor belts and a whole assist team and stuff. 

-Why didn't they do all that after they beat Makuta the first time?

-Probably didn't think about it. As they load up the transports, Norik congratulates Vakama on the great rescue and tells of how the Matoran will be in capable hands with him as the leader.

-Easily forgiven considering Vakama just tried to kill him and all the other Toa earlier. 

-Yeah, this would have been so much easier to buy if the roles were reversed with Matau. 

-It would.

-And before you ask, yes, they do notice the broken seal with the missing Makuta, and they say as Toa they will still stand to fight him. 

-I should hope. And what about that Mask of Time which played such a pivotal role in the last movie? What happened to that? 

-Oh, I may just write a book explaining that whole endeavor. Sort of a little epilogue to this movie.

-I'll be sure to read it. 

-Yeah, we end with the same characters from the first movie hearing this story and bringing it all back home, and we end with a banger rock song! 

-A rock song? What about the orchestral score from the last two movies.

-That was so 2004. Kids want rock and roll now.

-I guess. But after hearing all this, in spite of the flaws of the movie, I must say...this may be your best work yet. 

-Really? 

-Yeah. You build the characters of at least the Toa, the animation looks nicer, you have an actual final battle this time rather than an anticlimax, and even though the books supplement the story, they are not necessary for understanding the plot of this. The movie stands on its own as a three-act narrative and I can tell what's going on. 

-Yes! 

-Right, I hope this leads to a prosperous partnership and many more movies in the future.

-I hope so. I mean, there are several more years of story worth telling. And I think the next few years of story would be great for the cinematic experience. 

-I look forward to seeing them soon. 

 

Headline: "No BIONICLE Movie in 2006" 

Edited by DoctorW
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BIONICLE: The Legend Reborn Pitch Meeting

-Hey, welcome back. It's been four years since your last BIONICLE Movie. What happened since then? 

-Well, LEGO told me BIONICLE isn't selling like it used to. But after the movies were cancelled, we struck a deal with a new animation studio and BIONICLE was one of the products we licensed out. So we are thinking of changing the setting and putting an old character in a new universe. 

-Nice. Attempt at a reboot. Win new fans and keep the old. 

-Yeah. A lot of stuff happened in the last three years of story that would have made a great movie, but we don't have time to go over it all now. Long story short...Makuta wins.

-What? 

-Yeah, he took over Mata Nui's body and tricked the good guys into thinking they were doing the right thing when all they did was help him.

-Bold move for a kids' show. But what's all this stuff with the Great Spirit's body? I thought he was...God or something. 

-Well, you know how BIONICLE is short for "Biologic Chronicle"? 

-I always wondered what that was about.

-It was about Mata Nui's biology. They all lived inside a giant robot and this was sort of a glorified retelling of Osmosis Jones. 

-Oh I see. Do we start with the opening narration?

-Yes, but from Mata Nui directly this time, not Vakama.

-Right, reboot. 

-Yeah, he gets stored inside this thing called the Mask of Life which was used to revive him. Makuta allowed Mata Nui to live if only to plant a false sense of hope in the Matoran Universe while he took over.

-Wouldn't that just mean Mata Nui can come back?

-Maybe, but he's blasted so far away nobody can find him. And once he lands on this desert planet called Bara Magna, he fashions himself a Toa body using the Mask of Life. It is kind of wonky and janky, but we tried to go by the sets. 

-Funny. Why the toy accurate art style? What was wrong with the old one? 

-You see, we got a few complaints how they looked too organic and too little like the sets.

-Can't please everyone I guess.

-Nope. And besides, the aesthetic change kind of works here since this is a whole new planet. 

-I see. 

-Anyway, the Mask has the power to manipulate and create life. So some rhino beetle or something comes up to Mata Nui, touches the mask, and turns into a shield.

-Wow.

-But he can change back at will. I guess Mata Nui can override the Mask, which had a mind of its own before. 

-I see...I think. 

-And his new weapon is a stinger he stole from this monster-thing's tail.

-Wow.

-So he runs into this guy named Metus, demanding to know Mata Nui's business. 

-Oh, he's a Matoran.

-Agori, actually. Kind of similar but we call them something different. 

-Right, reboot. 

-Metus just gives Mata Nui a ride when Mata Nui has nothing to say. And he talks to Mata Nui about the wonders of the desert, but he has these shifty eyes and this way of talking that seems like there's some ulterior motive.

-Seems like a con man. 

-But we aren't sure yet. Anyway, Metus takes Mata Nui to the fire village Vulcanus, and they watch the great warriors called...

-Toa?

-Glatorian. On Bara Magna they are Glatorian. And they fight each other to settle disputes between cities.

-Wow, bloodsports are tight! 

-Yeah. Mata Nui interrupts a fight after one of the fighters commits a foul. But in intervening, he rubs the stinger on his mask and creates a new weapon.

-Oh my.

-Then, Mata Nui confronts the rogue Glatorian and sends him to exile, while he helps out the old red Glatorian named Ackar.

-He has his own car?

-No, Ackar. That's his name.

-Oh. Well, you know, the idea of a gold mask causing a disruption at a sporting event in the fire village is awfully familiar. Aren't you just remaking the first movie? 

-Uh...

-Never mind, it's a reboot. I'll let it slide. 

-Anyway, Ackar is kind of old and washed up. He's set to retire.

-Cool.

-After one final match.

-Alright. Can't wait to see it.

-You don't. Right then, a female Glatorian named Kiina breaks in and says Mata Nui proves her theory of alien worlds.

-Wow, a breaking and entering conspiracy theorist. Does Ackar call the cops?

-No, he's okay with her. Says she's cool and stuff.

-If she's cool with him, she's cool with me.

-That's the spirit. Anyway, they all cross a desert gorge on this landspeeder thing. They are interrupted by the Bone Hunters, these raiders who ride dinosaurs everywhere.

-Dinosaurs?

-Yeah, and there is this giant scorpion called Skopio with metal pincers and caterpillar tires.

-Is it a robot?

-No, but since we copied the toy, we included the rider in the animation model, even though he doesn't do anything.

-Wow. Great cost-cutting measure.

-Exactly. So they escape the gorge by causing a cave-in.

-Are we copying the second movie now? 

-And they see Kiina's village has been looted by the bad guys, who are the Skrall. 

-Wow, not cool.

-Yeah, a rookie Glatorian Gresh is wounded but alive.

-That's a relief. 

-Next, they encounter the sihouette of the bad guy Tuma, leader of the Skrall.

-Yikes. He is big and imposing, must be a huge threat.

-Exactly, which is why we give him as little screentime as possible to build the threat. 

-Yeah. Good call.

-Gresh said the Bone Hunters are allied with the Skrall, and together they will try to sack Bara Magna. 

-That's a neat twist.

-Kind of. I mean in the toys, the Bone Hunters and Rock Agori are almost identical. So you kind of know they're both evil.

-Of course. 

-And also, the possibility of a traitor is discussed, one who could leak the plans to the Skrall.

-What plans? Nobody seems to have any idea what they're doing in this movie.

-I don't know. But the important thing is there is a traitor.

-Of course. 

-And they also encounter the token short guy. He's a thief named Berix, and it seems like he has some new information. 

-Always trust your party rogue. 

-They find an opening to some ruins that have these pretty screensaver pictures. Kiina says it is about life before the Shattering.

-The what?

-See, there were these Great Beings, and they tried making stuff, but that silver liquid creating the giant from the first movie ended up tearing the planet apart.

-Wow. It was more important than I thought.

-For more information about how it all links up, follow some stories I posted online.

-I will. 

-They see the franchise logo on the cave walls, and moving it open they see some blueprints for another giant robot.

-Sweet. Mata Nui can get his body back.

-Yeah, but not yet. They have some talking to do first. 

-Fair. Want to build hype for the sequel.

-Also, Mata Nui through the power of his mask grants powers to the weapons of the Glatorian. Ackar's fire sword actually shoots fire, Kiina's trident shoots water, and Gresh's blades control air.

-Did the Mask of Life have this power before?

-Not clear. But Mata Nui is a god in this world so he can do whatever he wants.

-Of course. 

-So they go to the jungle village Tesara where two Glatorian are already fighting.

-Let's go! 

-And of course Metus is there. And he is still trying to convince people the bloodsport is okay.

-Yeah, that con man energy is strong with him. Maybe this is foreshadowing for later. 

-Maybe. But Mata Nui tries to convince the Agori that the system is outdated. They need to drop the Glatorian battle system and try to join the cities together...physically.

-Wow. So you're telling me Mata Nui is trying to upend a centuries-old system, from a society which doesn't really know any better, and convince them to unite two cities by hand, which is something it took ancient civilizations several lifetimes to do, and he wants it all done as fast as possible. Isn't this task impossible to complete in an 80-minute movie?

-Actually, it's going to be super easy. Barely an inconvenience. 

-Huh.

-Yeah, they pull some ropes and joining the villages takes about two minutes of screentime.

-Nice. 

-Then, Kiina and Berix run off and they get captured by the traitor, whose face we don't see.

-Wow! I wonder who it could be.

-Me too. It's not like there are so many clear hints we placed. 

-Of course not. 

-But Mata Nui is issued as the champion to face the Mighty Tuma in order to free them both. 

-Finally. How does the battle go?

-It's a bit stiff. Most of the action is focused to one spot. The camera moves a little but the characters are static.

-Come on. Last movie, you had two guys throwing hands on top of a tower with dramatic camera pans and great choreography. Can't you try for that?

 -It's a street fight this time. Remember, new planet, new rules.

-I'll allow it. 

-So while he's jumping and dodging Tuma, he notices some electrical pulses coming from Tuma's back indicating a weak spot.

-Oh, is there story material in the books or web serials to explain it?

-Let me see...[checks notes]...uh, no. It's just there for convenience.

-Oh my.

-But I can just write a web serial a few months down the line explaining it, nobody will care.

-Right. 

-Mata Nui wins by exploiting the weak spot and striking it a few times. Although for the final blow, he misses.

-Really?

-Yeah. It's an animation glitch or something. If you freeze frame it, you can clearly see he misses.

-Wow. Hope someone got fired for that goof. 

-Yeah. Anyway, Mata Nui wins and takes Tuma's shield. And we get the reveal that the traitor the whole time was...Metus.

-Really? The scummy, slick-talking con man? Who would have guessed?

-I know, right. It was a huge surprise. Now let's hope this trope isn't abused by every animated movie for the next decade. 

-But we did it first.

-That we did. Anyway, Metus' plan was to unite the Bone Hunters and Skrall together and keep tabs on the Glatorian so he could sell them all out as revenge for the Shattering.

-Wow, that's kind of convoluted. 

-It is, but only the uniting tribes part was important.

-Right.

-But all of them run when they see a whole swarm of beetles joined together to form a giant.

-Wait, beetles? I know these movies rely heavily on cop-outs, but this is kind of stretching it.

-Well, we saw Click's swarm at the beginning. Also, they take the form of a character who does not appear in the movie otherwise. So we give the kids that small bit of fanservice. 

-Cool. Cool. 

-With the insanity going on between Skrall and Beetles and whatnot, Mata Nui saves his friends and a whole army of Bara Magnans come to join the fight. 

-Wow. The cavalry arrives. 

-Yes. There is some more fighting, some slapstick from Berix, the ball of light shot from their hands, and Mata Nui turns Metus into a snake.

-Wow. Karmic punishment. Awesome message for the kids. 

-Yeah.

-And I mean, there's another battle this time. So some things carried over from the last one.

-Perhaps. Anyway, they join together in unity as they do.

-Yes, I know the beats well. 

-And everyone laughs. 

-So is this the ending? Roll credits.

-Nope. We're setting up for a sequel.

-Optimistic about sales if we're talking a sequel.

-I'm confident. 

-You sure are.

-Anyway, they get ready to build the giant robot which is ready to be used in the next movie.

-Oh, I know where this is going. I can't wait. 

-And it is determined the Skrall symbol is actually a map to the center of the maze in the middle of the robot, where Mata Nui can do stuff we see in the sequel.

-Oh, I can't wait to see it. 

-Yeah, it will involve biomechanical dinosaurs and we visit the jungle planet.

-Awesome. Anything else happen in this movie?

-Just a little short that sort of functions like a Looney Tunes special. Harmless fluff for the kids as a DVD extra. 

-Sweet. This is a good way to keep the series going.

-Right. This is sure to win over fans and boost sales so we can keep the story going and make the big final showdown into a movie. 

 

Headline: "BIONICLE Cancelled after 10-Year Run" 

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