Call to Arms

[LostHead]

This a fic I wrote a bit ago. It tells the story of Jaller recruiting the Toa Inika, a scene I wish we saw in Island of Doom. Let me know what you think!

 

Chapter 1:

Hewkii would have felt much more at home on a kolhii field. The Fields of Construction were close, sure. The air was hot and arid, the wide open flats could be a playing field, maybe, but the happy-go-lucky sportsmanship Hewkii was accustomed to was gone. 
In the past few days, the Po-Matoran were hard at work rebuilding the ruined city of Po Metru.Laboring away with tools, metal, and rock was the way of Po-Matoran, without a doubt, but Hewkii wasn’t a carver. He used to be, according to Turage Onewa, but Hewkii couldn’t imagine this life of hard work. He was an athlete, the star player of his village. When would Po Metru have time for someone like him?
    Today, however, no work was being done. Jaller, Captain of the Ta Koro Guard, had ordered that all Matoran cease their work, for reasons seemingly unknown. With no work to do, and no proper kolhii team set up, Hewkii found himself incredibly bored, and took a walk to clear his mind. As he passed through the Sculpture Fields, he turned his gaze to the sky, feeling the warmth he was used to on Mata Nui, then returned his gaze to the deserted area, still littered with fallen sculptures, broken down Vahki, and wrecked machinery. He reasoned that Pohatu could have used his mask of speed and finished the job days ago, but the Toa Nuva were off on some mission. 
    The star athlete grumbled as he kicked a small piece of scrap around.
    “Hey,” a familiar voice echoed through the field, “got a minute?”
    Turning his head, a smile came to Hewkii’s face, as he saw Jaller leaning against a stone pillar. The Po-Matoran nodded in acknowledgement, and headed over.
    “You’ll want to be careful,” he said as he came over, gesturing to the statue Jaller leaned against, “these have a habit of toppling.”
    Jaller nodded as he stood up straight. “Duly noted, thanks. How’s your day off been?”
    “Slow, boring, and lonely,” Hewkii lamented, “but still a welcome break. Cleaning up has been like vacuuming all the sand in Po Wahi.”
    “Hey, you don’t have to deal with lava. Count your blessings.”
    The Po-Matoran chuckled. “Fair enough. What brings you here, anyways?”
    The Guard Captain’s smile dropped. He glanced to his left and right, as though ensuring that no one was listening in. “The Turaga are back to keeping secrets.” he finally said, his voice much lower than before. “What do you think the Toa are up to?”
    Hewkii took a minute to process his words, but did his best to remain casual. “I’m not sure,” he whispered, “the Toa follow danger, not peace, right? I figure they’re after whatever else is out there, besides Makuta.”
    “Yet we thought Makuta’s defeat would end our troubles,” Jaller replied, “but it seems that Mata Nui isn’t yet awake.”
    “No? Then surely, they’re going to wake him up, no?”
    “It’s more than that. The Turaga don’t want us to panic, but we need to know.”
    Hewkii took a deep breath, getting a bit frustrated with Jaller’s buildup. “Know what?”
    “Mata Nui is dying.”

Chapter 2:

    “Dying?” Kongu was shocked. “So, the Toa are off to daring-save his life, then?”
    “That was the plan,” Jaller explained, “but according to Turaga Nokama, there’s been no word from them. I fear the worst.”
    Kongu’s head hung low, his gaze transfixed on the running liquid of the chute below the two. “I thought-dreamed that Makuta old-bone would be the final-end of the dark time. Now, we’ve a city in old-ruin, a Great Spirit soon to rama bait, and Turaga who trick-lie. I’m tired, Jaller.”
    “We’ve been through a lot,” Jaller said, in an attempt to comfort, “but worrying won’t-”
    He was suddenly cut off by a cry from the west. The two Matoran’s heads turned at once, and saw Tamaru, clinging to the edge of one of the upper chutes with his left hand. The chute had seemingly been deactivated, dropping any cargo down into the depths of Le-Metru, and leaving this unfortunate Matoran to hold on for dear life. 
    The situation was dire, but Kongu’s grin was as wide as ever. “A-ha! Trouble-bad needs all-conquer! The mighty Kongu leaps into action!” 
    Jaller was about to ask what the plan was, but before his mouth even opened, the Le-Matoran leapt into the chute below, hitching a ride on a cargo crate. The Le-Matoran clung to the edge of the crate, letting the wind carry him along the way. Reaching inside, he grabbed a coiled cable, and tossed an end back towards where he had leapt from. Reacting at just a moment’s notice, Jaller saw the cable land on his ledge and slammed his foot down on it. Looking down, he could no longer see Kongu, but watched as the cable wrapped around the ledge, and sure enough, the Matoran landed right behind Jaller.
    “Grab-hold on,” Kongu said, handing Jaller one end of the cable.
    Jaller took his end with a smile, having figured out the plan. Kongu would tie an end to the ledge, and then throw the other towards Tamaru, creating a safe way to cross.
    “Now, quick-throw me.”
    Jaller should have known better than to try and guess Kongu’s plans. “What?”
    “No time! Quick-throw me, before navigator Tamaru is chute bones!”
    The Ta-Matoran opened his mouth to protest, but found no suitable words. With a nod, he summoned all of his strength, and flung the cable over, sending Kongu flying through the air. The mad flyer let out a fierce cry as he took off through the air, one hand still gripping the cable, while the other opened up, ready to catch.
    Tamaru’s fingers slipped, and before he knew it, he had lost his grip completely, and began his fall into the city below. He reached up, hoping to still find the ledge of the chute, but only saw Kongu’s turquoise Miru, as the gukko pilot descended towards him. In one swift move, Kongu grabbed the falling Matoran, and the two fell together. Tamaru had not stopped screaming, even as their fall was halted by the cable finally running out of length.
    Kongu tapped him on the shoulder. “Scare-worry not now. Safe-free are you!” The Le-Matoran laughed as he comforted Tamaru, showing him that everything was alright. He looked up to Jaller and signaled him to pull up. The Ta-Matoran hefted up the two Matoran with all his might, at last heaving them up onto his ground.
    
    “Stay open-eyed next time!” Kongu chastised playfully. “Mighty Kongu won’t always quick-race to rescue!”
`    “I’ll be sure sing-song safe from now, vineman Kongu.” Tamaru gave a salute, before hitching a ride on the chute.
    Jaller and Kongu shared a look of camaraderie. “Thanks for help-saving, Guard Captain!” said the Le-Matoran. “You’d make a fine high flying Gukko pilot yet.”
    Jaller chuckled, still a bit shaken from Kongu’s reckless maneuver. He awkwardly tapped his foot, unsure how to naturally lead back into his conversation. Thankfully, Kongu was one step ahead of him. “Jaller, I’m as worry-brooding about the Toa heroes as you, but I can’t deep-read minds. What brought you here?”
    The Guard Captain took a deep breath. “Well, you just proved to me why. The Toa are in danger, I’m putting together a team to save them. And… I want you on it.”

Chapter 3:

    “When the Toa are away, the Matoran will play, is that it?” Nuparu chuckled as he worked dutifully under the hood of the Boxor. He hadn’t paused for a minute as Jaller explained his proposal.
    “This is serious, Nuparu,” the Ta Matoran replied, somewhat exasperated at having to talk to a pair of Onu Matoran legs, “a rescue party. One from each village- sorry, metru- will go out to find the Toa Nuva. What do you say?”
    “I say that sounds like a Toa team,” Nuparu’s voice came out from under the mechanical vehicle, “I’m just an inventor, captain. I’m no hero.”
    Jaller scoffed, slightly amused. “Le-Koro would disagree. If it weren’t for you, they’d still be under the control of the krana.”
    “That would be the Boxors doing.”
    “Boxors that you made.” Jaller sighed. “Nuparu, if something is endangering the Toa, it’s on us to save them. Can I count on you?”
    At last, the Onu Matoran rolled out from under the machine and slowly rose to his feet. Now eye to eye with Jaller, his expression turned grim. “Jaller, you know as well as I do that if Metru Nui is in danger, the Matoran need to be here to protect it. This land is dangerous, it’s up to us to help navigate it safely. I heard about what happened to Tamaru this morning, what would’ve happened if Kongu wasn’t there?” He took a heavy sigh. “We’re needed here. I won’t abandon my people.”
    Jaller stood his ground. “If the Toa are in danger, you may not have anyone left to protect.” A long silence overtook the room, with only the hum of machinery breaking it up. “Nuparu, please. I’ve seen what you’re capable of.”
    Nuparu set down a tool on his work bench, turning away from Jaller. After a deep breath, he laid his hands down on it. “I’ll get a manual on the Boxors to Akamu,” he said quietly, “I know you said no work, but I’d like maintenance to be kept up while we’re gone, just in case.” He turned to face the Ta Matoran. “I still don’t agree with this plan, Captain. I think you have a death wish. But between you, Kongu, and Hewkii… you’ll need someone else with common sense.” A slight smile crept across his face.
    The effort to lighten the mood was not lost on Jaller, but he ignored the quip. “Thank you, Nuparu.” With a salute, headed for the exit. Someone else with common sense, he thought, I think I know just who to go to.
Chapter 4: 

    “Strangely enough, there is a different set of stars in the sky, now that we’re underground.” Nixie adjusted the telescope, allowing Jaller to see what she was referring to. “See, the seven spirit stars and the red star are all in here, but the position is all wrong. It’s as though they’ve moved to this second sky. It is a great mystery, how this city works.”
    The Guard Captain let out a hum of understanding as he peered his right eye into the scope. “It’s curious indeed. I wonder how much we still don’t know.”
    The Ga Matoran shuffled through a towering stack of tablets on her desk. “I look forward to finding the answers. Now, I’m sorry to have taken up your time with these things. What brings you to Ga Metru.
    “No need to apologize,” Jaller smiled, “I’m in no rush. I was looking for Hahli, though. Have you seen her recently?”
    “Hahli?” Nixie’s expression dropped, her eyes darting side to side. “Well, no, not recently. You should check with Vhisola, she will probably know.”
    Jaller flashed an inquisitive look. “You’re sure you haven’t seen her anywhere?” He added an authoritative tone to his voice. “I should let you know, I’m here on official Guard business. It’s very important that I find her. If you know anything, please don’t hesitate to tell me.”
    The astrologer gulped. “I’m sorry Jaller, I don’t know anything. Best of luck on your search.”
    He exhaled. “No worries, then. Take care.” 
He made his way for the door, but wasn’t able to reach it before Nixie cried, “Wait!” He pivoted to face her. 
“If I tell you,” she pleaded, “just promise that you won’t tell her I told you anything.”
Jaller placed a hand on his chest. “I promise, Nixie. Do you know where she is?”
She nodded. “Better, I know where she’s going.”

A warm breeze blew across the sands of Ta Wahi. The sun was just rising, pouring light from over the great telescope. On the beach, a lone boat floated just off of the shore, as two Ga Matoran loaded crates of supplies on board.
“Okay, do we have everything?” Hahli asked her companion. “We don’t know how long this trip will be, so don’t leave anything behind if it might be useful.”
Macku exhaled sharply as she dropped the last crate onto the deck, rocking the vessel upon landing. “I think this is it,” she replied, “we should be all set to go.”
“Leaving without saying goodbye?”
    The two blue armored Matoran darted their eyes over, watching as a Ta Matoran with a yellow mask approached from the charred forest. “I stopped by Nixie’s earlier,” Jaller said as he arrived at the harbored boat, “she told me about your plan.”
Hahli and Macku shared a panicked look. Gulping, the former decided to stand her ground. “So you have,” Hahli began, mustering her confidence, “what of it? Did you come to stop us? Convince us that it’s just some ill conceived rush for adventure?”
“Actually,” he said, dropping the hardness in his voice, “I was going to ask you to join my ill conceived rush for adventure. I wasn’t aware Turaga Nokama told anyone else.”
The two Ga Matoran went from relief, to confusion in a manner of seconds. Macku’s eyes narrowed. “Uh, the Turaga didn’t tell us anything, Jaller.”
“Yeah,” Hahli reaffirmed, “we were going off on our own. What did she tell you?”
Jaller sucked air. “Nothing of note, really. Just the secrecy made me, uh…”
    “Jaller.” Hahli said, sternly.
    “Fine. Take a seat, this’ll take a minute.” Over the next few minutes, Jaller revealed all that he had learned just hours ago from Turaga Nokama. The fact that Mata Nui was dying, that the Toa Nuva had gone off to find the legendary mask of life, and that there had been no word from them whatsoever. He briefly mentioned his plan to gather a rescue team, and his previous recruits of Hewkii, Kongu, and Nuparu.
    Hahli was irritated. “The Turaga kept all this from us?!” She shot up to her feet, the boat started rocking more aggressively as she paced up and down the deck. “Macku is her right hand, and she told you first?”
    Macku stammered as she stood up. “H-Hahli, it’s really okay. Now we know, that’s what’s important.”
    Her attempt at calming Hahli failed. “The Turaga know just what we’re capable of,” she rambled, “we protected Kini Nui, fought off the Bohrok- Jaller, you died protecting Takua! I thought, after Metru Nui, they’d stop with the secrets, I-”
    “Hahli, I know,” Jaller said, now apparently his turn to play the voice of reason, “I said as much to the Turaga. What’s important now is that we take action.”
    “Exactly,” Hahli said, finally exhaling, “it’s time. We need to gather the team, we’ll sail south.”
    “Actually, I was planning on taking the chutes. There’s a lot of ocean if we go the other way.”
    Macku spoke up. “With the chutes, it’ll be a lot harder to take supplies, though. There’s kanoka disks, flax, and energy reserves we had prepared.” 
“Granted, we prepared for two people, not six.” Hahli added.
“Seven,” Jaller asserted, “I’ve still got someone else to visit.”

Chapter 5: 

    Matoro shifted in his seat. The Ko Metru Knowledge Tower was silent, cold, and uncomfortable. It was a lot like the Sanctum of Ko Koro, only smaller, and with more reading material. He wasn’t as fond of solitude as most Ko Matoran, but as the translator for Turaga Nuju, it came naturally to him. 
    Now, in this new home of Metru Nui, Matoro found himself once more isolated from his peers. The Turaga were in conference nearly all day, leaving him with very little time to rest from his translator duties. Worse yet, he was burdened with the secret of the Toa Nuva’s mission, one which he was strictly informed not to reveal to anyone. Because of this, most of Matoro’s free time was spent in the Knowledge Towers, analyzing the stars. He had been focused on a distant constellation when Jaller had come to visit.
The Ta-Matoran had brought news that he already knew too well- Mata Nui was dying. The Toa were off to Voya Nui to recover the Mask of Life, but hadn’t been heard from in some time. Then, he brought news that was less expected: he was assembling a team to find the Toa on Voya Nui, and he wanted Matoro to join. The Ko Matoran was baffled that he’d be considered for a rescue mission, but Jaller seemed adamant. He told him that he’d think on it, and was left alone to do so.
Matoro reclined in his seat once more, the silence of the room setting in. His eyes wandered over to the telescope positioned on the balcony once more. At the base, he looked at the list of constellations, one that had been copied from the Great Telescope from Ta Wahi’s beach. The tablets depicted the arrival of the Toa on Mata Nui, the awakening of the Bohrok swarms, as well as some images that seemed unfamiliar. 
    “Our prophecies said that Makuta’s defeat would be the end of our troubles,” Matoro recalled that Turaga Vakama had once said this. “But the prophecies have changed. Something yet darker lurks ahead.” When Vakama had first said this to the other Turaga, it had been mere hours before the Bohrok swarms awakened. No one on Mata Nui knew of the Bohrok Kal’s upcoming strike, or the discovery of the Mask of Light, or any of the other trials that would occur over the next few months. 
    How many times will the prophecies change? Matoro thought to himself. His eyes lingered on the final image on the tablet, one which depicted a larger figure standing above the six Toa. Beside it, a depiction of a lone figure standing in the Makuta’s lair. His head cocked to the side, as his curiosity peaked. Could this have depicted the arrival of a seventh Toa? Could there have been a prophecy telling of Takanuva this entire time? Or, he pondered, could this be another prophecy that has yet to come true? 
    He took one last glance at the telescope, and thought back to Jaller’s words. The Captain of the Guard had assembled a team of athletes, fighters, and heroes. Where did a translator fit into that? It puzzled him that Jaller thought to recruit him, but he knew the Ta Matoran well. He knew he wouldn’t have chosen him without a reason. He sighed, having begrudgingly reached his decision.
    The prophecies are changing, Matoro thought, it’s time I change, too.

Chapter 6: 

    Macku pouted. “I’m happy to help, Jaller, but I have to admit, I’m a bit disappointed. I was looking forward to going on another adventure.” 
    “I know,” Jaller said with a sympathetic tone, “but someone needs to stay in the city and make sure we can escape safely. If we’re, the Turaga will have our plan shut down immediately. It’s up to you to make sure that we can escape unnoticed, and to operate the abandoned chutes.”
    Hahli smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back in no time, and ready for adventure again.” She cracked a sly smile. “Besides, I need you on my team again for kolhii.”
    Macku smiled, and embraced Hahli in a hug. “Okay, but please be careful,” she said, “And make sure Hewkii doesn’t get hurt!”
    “We will, promise.” 
    With that settled, the group began unloading supplies from the boat, and prepared for their return trip to Metru Nui.
*    *    *
    Under cover of darkness, two Matoran made their way through the empty streets of Le Metru. With most of the Matoran now asleep, the city took on a ghoulish appearance, the sounds of decrepit, creaking metal echoing through buildings like whispers of spirits. The only illumination was the light of the twin moons, casting shadows onto the sides of towering buildings.
    Nuparu shivered as he stepped over a fallen metal pillar. “This place is a death trap,” he grumbled, “are we sure the chutes will be more reliable?”
    “The chutes are ever-safe,” Kongu replied, throwing an arm around his shoulder, “we’ll be set to everflee Metru Nui. After all, what is a chute, if not a tunnel, only made of air?”
    “It’s the ‘made of air’ part that concerns me,” Nuparu shot back, “but if you trust them, then I trust it.”
    “That’s the spirit!” Kongu chirped, “We’ll be spirit-lifted to Voya Nui in no time!”
    With an energetic cheer from Kongu, the two shared a laugh, a sound that seemed to add some joy to the gloom that sat over the ruined city. 

Further up the path, Hahli and Jaller set off towards Le Metru. They had arrived with Macku, but opted to travel separately, in order to arouse less suspicion. Jaller had ensured to visit the others, and informed them all to meet at the abandoned chute station on the southern end of the city. 
As they walked through the dilapidated pathways, Hahli turned her head to the Ta Matoran. “Are you sure about this?” she asked. “Leaving, I mean.”
    Jaller looked puzzled. “Weren’t you the one raring to go? What happened to your righteous fury?”
    “I was, yes. But it’s not me I’m hesitant about. It’s you.”
    Jaller furrowed his brow. Hahli continued, “This is a big commitment, heading out for parts unknown. There’s no guarantee we come back in one piece. With everything you’ve been through, all those years leading us against Makuta’s forces…” She paused for a moment, lost in thought. “...You’ve sacrificed so much for the Matoran. If anyone deserves a break, it’s you. If you wanted to back out, I don’t blame you.”
    The Captain of the Guard seemed adrift, a mix of emotions coming across his face. “I appreciate that,” he began, “but I have a duty to my people. I don’t get a break from that. It’d be nice for us to finally rest, sure. But the universe won’t wait for me to be ready.”
    The Ga Matoran nodded solemnly. “Turaga Vakama told us about the last time six Matoran were assembled in Metru Nui. There’s a lot of pressure if you’re going to lead them.” She paused, locking eyes with him. “Do you feel ready?”
    Jaller stayed in the mutual stare for a moment. “I do.”
    “Good,” Hahli said, cracking a smile to break the tension, “then let's save the universe.”

    “It’s spookier than I expected, I’ll admit,” Hewkii said, hoping to alleviate some tension as he walked through the shadowy streets.
    “Don’t worry,” Macku said in a comforting tone, “there’s nothing to worry about here, the Turaga drove out all the monsters ages ago.” She cracked a smile. “Besides, you’re one of the bravest Matoran I know. If anyone can make it through here, it’s you.”
    Hewkii gulped. “I hope so.”
    When Macku had made her way into Le Metru, she ran into Hewkii on the district border, as he had just been arriving from Po Metru. Both were thrilled to discover that they were a part of Jaller’s selected team, and that they didn’t have to walk through the city alone. However, it shocked Hewkii to learn that Macku wouldn’t be joining them on the way to Metru Nui.
    “Why not?! You’d be perfect for the team!”
    “I know,” Macku replied, “I’m a bit disappointed myself. This sounds like a grand adventure. But I need to stay behind and operate the chute, and make sure no one catches us before you leave.”
    “...That makes sense, I suppose,” Hewkii said slowly, his enthusiasm dulled just a bit, “but it’s still a shame you won’t be joining us. It won’t be the same without you.”
    Macku smiled awkwardly. “We all have our duties, Hewkii. You go and save the world. I’ll make sure that Metru Nui is here when you get back.”
    He smirked back. “Sounds like a plan.”
    The two continued down the road, until they were suddenly halted by a flash of bright light. White enveloped their entire vision, until the silhouette of a tall figure came into view.
    “That’s right,” the figure began, walking slowly toward the two Matoran, “we all have our duties. And for my duty, I need to know one thing.”
    The pair shuddered as the figure finally came into view, the golden gleam of the mask of light defining the immediately recognizable figure.
    “So,” Takanuva inquired, a rare stiffness in his voice, “where are the others going?”

Chapter 7:

    The circular entrance to the abandoned chute seemed to stretch on forever into a pit of deep black darkness. The control station was coated in a thick layer of rust, untouched for centuries. The idle metal room groaned, as though in pain from the years of neglect.
    Just outside the portal stood Nuparu, Kongu, Jaller, and Hahli. 
    “We’re almost all assembled, then?” Nuparu asked with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. 
    “Almost,” Jaller assured, staring straight ahead into the chute tunnel, “where are Macku and Hewkii?”
    “Right here,” came a voice from outside.”
    The four Matoran turned simultaneously to see. Sure enough, the Po and Ga Matoran sheepishly walked into the room, followed by the Toa of Light, clad in his iconic white and gold armor. He gripped the staff of light in his right hand, and glared directly at Jaller. “I’ve been told you were leading this group to Voya Nui,” he said sternly, “when was I going to be told?”
    The five other Matoran looked panicked, but Jaller knew Takanuva too well. “You weren’t,” he said, without a hint of worry, “I assumed that you’d be under strict instructions to stay here.”
    “Oh, I am,” he assured, “but I’m here now, thanks to your friend.”
    The Matoran all looked confused as to who he could be referring to. From behind the Toa of Light, a Ko Matoran entered the room, and sheepishly waved to the group. “I still don’t fully agree to this plan,” Matoro said, “but if we’re going to be rescuing the Toa Nuva, I figure another Toa would be helpful.”
    Jaller grinned, and walked up to clank fists with Takanuva and Matoro. “Welcome to the team,” he said with pride, “we’re happy to have you both on board.” He met Matoro’s eyes for a minute, before looking up to the Toa of Light. “Are you sure you want to come? Metru Nui will have no Toa once you leave.”
    Takanuva shrugged. “If something has felled the others, then it’s all of our duty to go to their aid. If anything, all of Metru Nui should be coming to the rescue.”
    The Ta Matoran smiled. Even after all this time, his friend was the same adventurous spirit he was before. “Alright,” he announced, “any last objections?”
    Macku bid one last farewell to the group, and headed over to the control panel. “I’m ready when you are, Captain,” she said, “the city will be safe while you’re away.”
    Nuparu placed a hand on the edge of the chute. “I’m ready,” he said, “I just hope these machines are, too.”
    Hewkii stretched his arms in preparation. “Don’t worry,” he snarked, “I’ll protect us from whatever’s out there.”
    Kongu chuckled. “Right-sure thing, kolhii-head. And I’ll be right-stay there with you.”
    Jaller glanced to both Matoro and Hahli, and the two silently nodded to him, in unison. 

He may not have known if he’d ever return, but he knew two things. One, that it was his duty to help. And two, that he was surrounded by the best group he could ask for. A Toa of Light, a star athlete, a brilliant inventor, a daring fighter, a skilled boatswoman, and the keeper of the Turaga’s secrets.
    But when Jaller looked at the group, this isn’t who he saw. No, he saw his friends.
    
    And there’s no one else he’d rather be with.
 

Edited March 26, 2023 by LostHead

[Aderia]

I really enjoyed this. I thought your portrayal of each of the characters was well done and completely believable. Makes me want to go back and read the whole Island of Doom arc. 

I also liked the little bits sprinkled in about how the Matoran are each working through what returning to the forgotten Metru Nui means to them - that they have thousands of years of personal history in the place, but they don't remember it. Must be a bit trippy, and those were great details to add. 

Great work, and I'd love to read more from you!

[confused piraka]

this was amazing (ever heard of myths and legacy?)

[LostHead]

Thank you both! I appreciate the kind words.

And yes, I've heard of myths and legacy. I did pitch this story to them, it's currently undergoing review 🤞

[LostHead]

This story's now being added to Myths and Legacy! Please check it out if you have the chance! 

[confused piraka]

On 4/11/2023 at 8:55 PM, LostHead said:

This story's now being added to Myths and Legacy! Please check it out if you have the chance! 

link?

[LostHead]

On 4/14/2023 at 7:00 PM, confused piraka said:

link?

https://mythsandlegacy.com/read/?id=losthead&v=1&lang=eng you can check it out here!

[Master Inika]

Excellent story! You captured all of the characters' emotions very well. I remember, first reading Island of Doom, feeling the same frustration with the Turaga for infantilizing the Matoran after they've proven themselves so many times. It was a pleasure to read.

It still could have done with a final proofread before posting. In particular, in Hahli's chapter, there is a sentence that says "Ta-Wahi" that I am fairly certain is meant to say "Ta-Metru," and changes everything about the scene.

The shift between chapters 1 and 2 made me smile. The "two separate conversations cut together that still make sense" trope is one of my guilty pleasures.

One notable absence was Onepu. I feel if Macku is going to be mentioned, Onepu should have been as well. Personally, I feel like there is a chance Onepu would simply not go along with the plan and tell the Turaga, and that could be why Jaller did not offer it to him. Even a single mention of him in Jaller's thoughts would have made it feel a bit more full, though.

Excellent work on the whole. You made me remember reading the first book back in middle school.

[LostHead]

Thanks you so much! I'm glad you liked it, I really wanted to capture the vibes of the Legends books.

In Hahli's chapter, that is actually meant to be Ta-Wahi. She and Macku have returned to the island above, as we learn she suggested at one point in the books. I realize looking back that having them get all the way back to Mata Nui may have been a bit much of a stretch, so I may revise that at some point.

You also make a good point about Onepu. Given that he's more or less Jaller's equivalent in Onu-Koro, it would have made a lot of sense to acknowledge him.

I'm so glad you enjoyed!