Jump to content

Oppression Review Topic


Wotz

Recommended Posts

Pretty good. I'm liking it. I can't help but wonder when Sentraken'll be showing up.It's funny that I've started a new epic with the BZPRPG character that killed Solia, and he she is in an epic of yours. XD

lineupnewestest.png
[BZPRPG PROFILES]

Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, nice. I'm glad I decided to take a break from posting my own epic (first-timer as well, my friend) to scout out this forum. Xia is a great place for a tale of oppression; the entire city/island uses that concept as a foundation. The characters are pretty vividly described and the situations are dark and believable. I'm going to have to follow this epic.

odyssey1_bannernew.jpg

Review Topic

 

I AM OFFICIALLY BACK! :D After 18 months on hiatus, I have returned, but I have spent that time well. If you want to see how it was spent, click on the banner to start reading the result or click on the linky-link below to get further information off of the review topic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 9 months later...

Congratulations. You have been unknowingly selected as the winner of the first ECC charity review of 2013. What a treat, right? "Yes, yes it is." Glad you agree. Now, before we get down to the important points, I'll run through the single error (that's right, you're either really good with your grammar/spelling or I was really off my game in that department today) I found.

 

 

Why did his Captain decide to bring him camping.

 

him camping?

 

 

Glancing at your review topic, I quickly discovered this story has roots in the RPG forums. This fact may inform your characters having biological processes like using the bathroom or eating non-protodermis-based food. As a rule, RP-inspired epics tend to lack something in terms of characterization. Perhaps because the intended audience is the writer's RP friends who already know the back-story and just want a new plot. This often alienates other writers from reading the epic because that disconnect exists. Your introduction tells that the reader is in for a tale of family, vengeance, and oppression. It sounds intense, but I only have so little to work with here.

 

I liked your depiction of male Vortixx life on Xia, living under the merciless rule of the females. Males fight to survive, even for a small meal to get them through the day. It's a solid look at how I sometimes imagined things on Xia to work, with the males practically being slaves. Of course, your lead seems destined for great things down the road. I presume he would eventually go on to oppress the females as he was once oppressed, possibly playing upon your title in this way. Only speculation, but once again, I don't have a lot to work with.

 

The basic premise of this story is pretty good, but I think it really faltered in terms of detail and character description. The walls didn't have enough paint and the people in the room were a little too pale, if you get what I'm saying. Splash some life into all that, and I think you'll be well on your way. Best of luck.

 

-Ced

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, I did not expect this, to say the least XD I had considered this epic abandoned and was considering rewriting it or something in the distant future when I had more time. I say had because I actually forgot that it exists, you've just reminded me to get off my backside, thank you :bowdown:

 

 

(that's right, you're either really good with your grammar/spelling or I was really off my game in that department today)

----------

Probably a mixture of both ;)

 

 

 

The basic premise of this story is pretty good, but I think it really faltered in terms of detail and character description. The walls didn't have enough paint and the people in the room were a little too pale, if you get what I'm saying. Splash some life into all that, and I think you'll be well on your way.

----------

 

I don't want to sound cocky or anything but it's safe to say I have improved at least a little in my writing ability since I wrote the measly chapter or two this has, but even so I'll take your advice into account just overall, as I'd never really thought about the whole thing about the narrowness of the target audience (the prologue was supposed to be mysterious, just going to throw that out there :P).

 

Also I'll just say that your guesstimate is similar to what would end up happening towards the end.

 

Thanks again for the surprise charity review! :br:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...