a goose Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Welcome to the review topic for The Eleventh Hour. Comment, give constructive criticism, y'know, the usual.- Vorex Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Archaic Predicament Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) Wow... Just, wow.... Best opening I've ever read, coupled with Pulse's return (which I have been waiting for since Shadows!) Overall, I'm expecting one of the greatest finales ever, and we haven't even read Chapter 1 yet! Edited June 19, 2012 by Eredar Quote Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 Wow... Just, wow.... Best opening I've ever read, coupled with Pulse's return (which I have been waiting for since Shadows!) Overall, I'm expected one of the greatest finales ever, and we haven't even read Chapter 1 yet!Thankyou, I enjoyed writing the opening.Pulse wasn't meant to return until Chapter 2, but I just thought, 'Why not?' XDI'm expecting a great finale too. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishers64 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Plot-armor failed. That was creepy good. The weird diversion back in time felt awkward and rushed, though. Confusing like no other. Quote Hero Factory RPG | Bionicle Mafia XXIX: Storyline & Theories Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZTG Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 The prologue was slightly confusing, but it was great way to start off the story.I can't wait to see the rest of it! Quote "Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become,"-C.S. Lewis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wotz Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 So is that the same gunshot wound that he mentioned in DM:PII? Whatever it was, we all know Time Keepers have multiple lives and Vorex will return because his death in Shadows was lame etc etc.I like how it started at the end, that was some cool stuff right there.The return of Pulse, and The Shadow (even though he only appeared in the RPG before now)! The Shadow is cool this time, rather than the slimy wimp I interpreted him as during the brief interaction we had And he has shadow-hypnotise-y powers XDI look forward to the rest. Quote D U N E W O L F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 @Fishers: Thankyou. I'm good at being confusing. @Zacax: Thanks!Neither can I. @Wotz: Vorex will be awesome, and Incommodo IS dead.Thankyou. But there's more twistiness to come, here. Pulse is back, but The Shadow only got mentioned (he was killed by Marendar in DM:PI). Actually, that Shadow didn't hypnotise Pulse. Think of the Symbiote from Spider-Man...As do I, Wotz, as do I. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25K Now! Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I didn't really understand the prologue. Other than the fact that Inc's plot armour has given him extra lives and that there are timetravel hijinks and villain possession.But I suppose it'll get more understandable in the future. Quote http://vimeo.com/198967785 BZPRPG Profiles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 @Hub: We started off four days in, and then jumped back to right after DM:PII's epilogue.Everything should be more understandable soon enough. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 That prologue time-switch thing wasn't all that confusing for me.Vorex here just started this one In Media Res is all.I have no problem with that.Also, nice start, my friend. I wonder where this will turn out. Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25K Now! Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 @Hub: We started off four days in, and then jumped back to right after DM:PII's epilogue.Everything should be more understandable soon enough.Ah, I see. So basically timey-wimey shenanigans? Quote http://vimeo.com/198967785 BZPRPG Profiles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 @Kal: At least someone understands. XD@Hub: Not really. I'm starting at the end, and then explaining what led up to it. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wotz Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 So Nekron's a Shadow now? Woah. I suppose he was a Shadow in Aftershock as well, inhabiting the body of someone? or was that guy just not Nekron at all?Also, I don't like how Pirok didn't bother to help fight the Marendar or any other world-shaping events, but it's nice to see him again nonetheless.So, I guess the Shadows made some deal with Laz to give him a new body, or something similiar? Quote D U N E W O L F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 The literary device is called In Media Res.Also, Vorex, you should have Aclaraung show up out of nowhere, as basically the only well-known threat to the shadows. It would be funny to have my little dragon fighting and winning. Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 @Wotz: He was a Shadow in Aftershock too.Pirok wasn't near enough to New Atero to find out about the Marendar thing.Laz is a Shadow. He died in a timeline that never happened, remember? Pirok killed him?@Kal: I know, but Hub doesn't seem to be getting it, so I'm dumbing it down and lying a little bit. But In Medias Res is completely correct, more so than you might think.Don't worry, he will at least be making a cameo. The Voya-Nui Mystix are gonna be in this. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wotz Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Oh right, I forgot the backstory of the Shadows for a moment :PDerp on my part. Quote D U N E W O L F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 @Wotz: How can you do that sort of thing? XD Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Remember, Aclaraung is easily angered, very large, very dangrous, and wouldn't hesitate to rip something in half if it made him mad. Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 Remember, Aclaraung is easily angered, very large, very dangrous, and wouldn't hesitate to rip something in half if it made him mad. I know. He'll look good in the final battle. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wotz Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 ...Zar please?Or maybe those goons of mine? Quote D U N E W O L F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) He'd probably be the only survivor if you were a normal writer. EDIT: Wait, did you use him in any of your other epics after I created him? Edited June 20, 2012 by Kal Grochi Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 @Wotz: Zar and all your goons served Ignotus, so they'd be dead.@Kal: No survivors, Kal.No, I didn't - the Mystix haven't appeared at all since Shadows. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Just wait, Aclaraung will find a way out.You know it. Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 Once you know what he's up against, you won't believe that any more. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 ...Yeah, no. He'll still find a way to survive, trust me.You'll finish this epic, start writing another that takes place after this one, and he'll just swoop in like nothing ever happened.You know it. Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wotz Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 The goons didn't actually appear though.Zar was briefly mentioned, so I guess it makes sense that he's dead.You don't even have to name them! Quote D U N E W O L F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 @Kal: He won't.I will actually write one which takes place 700 years after this, but whether or not Aclaurang swoops in will remain to be seen.Maybe.@Wotz: I don't care.Yup, he was. Thanks for remembering something. :PAgain, I don't care. XP Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wotz Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 How come Kal gets his characters in your epics but no matter how many times I ask you, I don't? Quote D U N E W O L F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 How come Kal gets his characters in your epics but no matter how many times I ask you, I don't? Hey, your character got mentioned by name, be glad. XDAnd only characters who are very closely connected to main characters show up. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Such as Aclaraung....Wait, how is he closely connected to the main characters? Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 @Kal: Zarnarax'll be there. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wotz Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 What about Zongu? *hint hint nudge nudge* Quote D U N E W O L F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 What about the Key to Nongu?@Kal: Zarnarax'll be there.Aclaraung and Zarnarax.Well, I know which one is likely to die first. Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 Okay, the answer to that is probably maybe. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Not even Vorex knows Aclaraung's master plan.Yet. Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 I still don't care. XD Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 You should now. Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a goose Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 Maybe later. Quote [BZPRPG PROFILES] Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal - Aerus - Montague - Kira - Koura - Learu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana - Nessen - Merrill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
otter Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Well then get to Onu-Wahi, and post as Zarnarax being confused by what Aclaraung is doing.Because in that universe, he doesn't know about Aclaraung's special diet. Quote profiles i guess i'm a south american giant otter now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Archaic Predicament Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Huh? I din't leave the stove on again did I? ANYWAY, Chapter 1 was epic. I was honestly not expecting the return of Ignotus, but it was amazing nonetheless.So, The Shadow's name is Nekron. Interesting name. I like it!All-in-all, fantastic start to Part One. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to sort out this spoon-wielding Toa of Magnetism who just crashed through my window.-Eredar Quote Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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